The King of Queens (1998–2007): Season 8, Episode 4 - Like Hell - full transcript

THIS RESTAURANT'S
SUPPOSED TO BE INCREDIBLE.

YEAH, I HOPE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE ORDERING,

'CAUSE I'M GONNA HIT
THE GROUND RUNNIN'.

I KNOW THE DRILL.

ALL RIGHT.

UHP! YOU JUST
PASSED A SPOT.

I CAN DO
BETTER THAN THAT.

OK, WHAT WAS WRONG
WITH THAT SPOT?

IT'S TOO TIGHT.

YEAH. THAT'S WHY THE
HUMMER'S BACKIN' INTO IT.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
UH! HERE WE GO.



HERE WE GO,
HERE WE GO.

AND IT'S A MOPED.

THAT'S SELFISH!

OK, HONEY.
ALL RIGHT. OH. OH.

THAT WOMAN'S
GETTING INTO HER CAR.

OH. OK.

OH, COME ON.

GOTTA PUT THE BABY
IN THE CAR SEAT.

UNBELIEVABLE.

WE NEVER HAD CAR SEATS,
AND WE'RE FINE.

NOPE.
YOU KNOW?

COME ON, LADY.

I'M GETTIN' TOO MUCH HEAT.
I'M OUTTA HERE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE'RE GOING AROUND AGAIN!



YOU KNOW WHAT? CLAM IT. OK? THANK YOU.

I WILL FIND US
A SPOT.

LIKE THE ONE
YOU JUST MISSED?

BECAUSE YOUR GIANT HEAD
WAS IN THE WAY!

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT EVEN
HUNGRY ANYMORE. JUST TAKE ME HOME.

FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU WANNA GO HOME?

YOU CAN GO HOME. BUT
YOU'RE WALKIN', SISTER.

FINE.
LET ME OUT.

GET OUT!
OUT YOU GO!

GO!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

SAME TO YOU!

I'M JUST SAYIN'. I'VE
DELIVERED TO HOT PEOPLE.

I'VE DELIVERED
TO NAKED PEOPLE.

THEY'RE NEVER
THE SAME PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW, ONE TIME I DELIVERED
TO A GUY WITH SPOCK EARS.

YOU ALWAYS GOTTA
STEAL MY THUNDER, HUH?

HEY, DEAC.
OH, HEY, MAN.

HEY, WHO HAD THIS LOCKER BEFORE ME?

UH... GOMEZ.

YEAH, WELL, UH, JUDGING
FROM THE PICTURES HE LEFT UP,

HE LIKED
THE BIG GIRLS, HUH?

YES, SHE DID.

OH, HEY, UH, I'M HAVIN'
A BARBECUE THIS SATURDAY.

I'D LOVE FOR YOU AND
THE FAMILY TO STOP BY.

OH. COOL, MAN.

HERE'S THE WHERE
AND THE WHEN.

WHAT'S UP
WITH THE NEW GUY?

OH, HE'S HAVIN' A
BARBECUE THIS SATURDAY.

HE JUST
INVITED ME.

OH, SUCKIN' UP TO THE
VETERANS. I LIKE HIS STYLE.

QUESTION IS,
WILL I BE IN THE MOOD

TO EAT MORE SAUERKRAUT
THAN 5 PEOPLE SHOULD?

MAGIC 8-BALL SAYS...

JARED, MY MAN. WHAT'S UP? HEY.

NOT MUCH, DOUG.

THAT WAS, UH...
THAT WAS WEIRD.

SO THOSE, UH, TIPS I GAVE
YOU ON THE FLUSHING ROUTE-

THEY HELP YOU OUT,
OR...

YEAH. YEAH. THANKS.

AH! SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE
IN THE OLD CHIPS DEPARTMENT.

OOH!

BARBECUE.

MY MAGIC 8-BALL
SAYS...

THAT WAS HARD TO WATCH.

OH, GOOD, HONEY,
YOU'RE HERE.

LISTEN. FOR THE NEW TILES
IN THE BATHROOM-

DO YOU LIKE THE ASH
OR THE GRAY?

HMM. I'M GONNA SAY ASH 'CAUSE
IT SOUNDS LIKE A BAD WORD.

ASH.

THANKS FOR
THE INPUT, BUDDY.

ALL RIGHT. UM, I GUESS
WE'LL JUST FIGURE IT OUT

ON SATURDAY WHEN WE
GO TO THE TILE PLACE.

WHOA, WHOA. WE CAN'T GO ON SATURDAY.

WHY NOT?

'CAUSE JARED,
THE NEW DRIVER,

HE'S HAVIN'
A BARBECUE.

OH, OK.
WHAT TIME IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW.
WHERE IS IT?

I'M NOT SURE.
WHEN WILL YOU KNOW?

CAN'T SAY.

WHAT KEEPS ME
FROM CHEATING ON YOU?

THE THING IS,
HE'S INVITED

ALMOST EVERYBODY ELSE BUT ME.

IT JUST
- I DON'T KNOW. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

OH. WELL... MAYBE THE GUY
JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

WHAT?!

OK. CAR-CARRIE, DO YOU
REALIZE WHO I AM AT WORK?

I MEAN, PEOPLE FIGHT TO SIT
NEXT TO ME AT THE LUNCH TABLE.

I MEAN, EVERYBODY
THINKS I'M-

AND I'M A LITTLE BIT
EMBARRASSED TO SAY IT-

DELIGHTFUL.

O... K.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
I GOT IT.

HE'S PROBABLY
- HE'S PROBABLY AFRAID TO INVITE ME

'CAUSE HE THINKS
I'M GONNA SAY NO.

THAT'S, UH... YEAH.
I'M LIKE THE PRETTY GIRL

WHO DOESN'T GET ASKED
TO THE PROM.

WOW. THAT'S ONE
ROUGH HIGH SCHOOL.

HONEY, COME ON. SO ONE GUY
AT WORK DOESN'T LIKE YOU?

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

B- BECAUSE IT
BOTHERS ME. OK?

BELIEVE ME, I WISH I
COULD BE MORE LIKE YOU,

JUST LET IT
ROLL OFF MY BACK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, YOU KNOW... NOBODY
LIKES YOU AT WORK,

AND YOU DON'T CARE.
IT'S... YOU KNOW.

WHAT? EVERYBODY
AT WORK LIKES ME.

HOW-HOW 'BOUT MICHELLE?

AH. MICHELLE'S A BITCH.

JAVIER?

MARCY?

THE GUY
IN THE WHEELCHAIR?

OK. YOU KNOW WHAT?
EVERYBODY AT WORK LIKES ME,

AND YOU JUST
LOST YOUR ASH.

ASH.

HI, GUYS.

DO YOU NEED SOMETHIN'?

NOPE. JUST SAYIN' HI.

OH.

OK.

HI.

OH, AND I FINALLY... I
SAW THAT MOVIE. OH, IT TOOK

YOU LONG ENOUGH.
OH, I LOVED IT!

IT'S HYSTERICAL,
RIGHT?

YES. ESPECIALLY WHEN
THEY STOLE THE CAR-

HA HA!
THAT WAS SO FUNNY!

WHAT'S UP?
HA HA!

OH, I... I BETTER
GET BACK TO WORK.

UH, YEAH,
US, TOO.

HI, CARRIE.
OH, LISA, THANK GOD.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

LET ME ASK YOU
A QUESTION.

UM...
AROUND THE OFFICE.

AM I, UH...
AM I LIKED?

I LIKE YOU A LOT!

I KNOW. I KNOW YOU DO. BUT,
UM... WHAT ABOUT EVERYBODY ELSE?

OH. NO, THEY DON'T.

DOUG WAS RIGHT!

WELL, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. I
- I MEAN, YOU'RE ALWAYS SO BUSY WORKING,

YOU PROBABLY DON'T
HAVE TIME TO BE... NICE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? IF THAT'S
ALL PEOPLE CARE ABOUT

AROUND HERE,
I CAN PLAY

THE NICE GAME. THERE
ARE A MILLION THINGS

I COULD DO TO SHOW
EVERYBODY HOW NICE I AM.

HUH!

WELL, WHAT CAN I DO?

UM... W... WELL,

YOU COULD HELP ME FILE
THESE CREDIT REPORTS.

OH, COME ON. GET SERIOUS.
THAT'S NOT GONNA DO IT.

I NEED SOMETHIN'... SOMETHIN'
FLASHY. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

SOMETHIN' TO GET PEOPLE
TALKIN' AROUND HERE.

WHAT-WHAT'S THAT ONE'S NAME OVER THERE?

THE ONE
WITH THE FRIZZY HAIR

AND THE EARTH SHOES?

DAWN.

DAWN. THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M GONNA RIDE HER FRUMPY ASS
ALL THE WAY TO NICEVILLE.

HEY.

I THINK I FIGURED OUT

WHY THE NEW GUY DIDN'T
INVITE ME TO HIS BARBECUE.

GREAT. NOW
I CAN SLEEP.

REMEMBER LAST WEEK
AT LUNCH WHEN I SAID

ANYBODY WHO LIKES
SOURDOUGH BREAD IS A DOUCHE?

NO.

OK, WHAT'S THE POINT

OF DOUG'S FOOD ROUNDUP
IF NO ONE LISTENS?

YEAH, WELL,
WHAT ABOUT IT?

WHEN I SAID THAT, HE GAVE
ME, LIKE, A LOOK. YOU KNOW?

MAYBE HE LIKES
SOURDOUGH BREAD.

MAYBE I OFFENDED
THE GUY.

UH-HUH...

WHAT?

HELLO! GO ASK HIM
IF HE LIKES SOURDOUGH BREAD.

WHAT?! I'M NOT
GONNA DO THAT!

COME ON! YOU OWE ME!

FOR WHAT?

ALL RIGHT, I'LL OWE YOU.
JUST DO IT.

OH, JEEZ.

HEY, UM...

HE'S NEVER HAD
SOURDOUGH.

DAMMIT!

WELL, IT'S
GOTTA BE SOMETHING.

HEY, WAIT A SECOND. DOES
HE KNOW I LIVE LOCALLY?

DOES HE KNOW
I LIVE LOCALLY?

NO. HE THINKS YOU FLY IN FROM YOUR RANCH

TO DELIVER PACKAGES.

I GOTTA
FIGURE THIS OUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST GO OVER THERE

AND ASK HIM
IF HE LIKES ME.

JUST DO IT, MAN!

I'M TOO OLD
FOR THIS CRAP.

TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME?

TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME?!

CAN YOU BELIEVE
HE SAID THAT?!

DOUG, THESE PIZZA ROLLS
ARE INCREDIBLE.

WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?

SOAK 'EM IN BACON GREASE.
WHERE DOES A ROOKIE DRIVER

GET OFF SAYING HE CAN
TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME?

IF ANYTHING, I SHOULD
BE TAKIN' OR LEAVIN' HIM!

ALL RIGHT, C
- CAN WE PLEASE WATCH THE GAME?

HEY. IF YOU CARE THAT MUCH...

I COULD BRING YOU TO THE
BARBECUE AS MY PLUS ONE.

YEAH. I'M INVITED.

AND HE'S EVEN BOARDIN' HIS
CAT BECAUSE OF MY ALLERGIES.

THIS-THIS IS A NIGHTMARE. YOU KNOW,

MY KID GOT 18 STITCHES LAST MONTH.

DIDN'T WHINE AS MUCH
AS YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M DONE. I DON'T CARE.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO INVITE
ME, THAT'S HIS PROBLEM.

OK? ANYWAY, CARRIE AND I
ARE GONNA KICK IT

AT THE TILE STORE
ON SATURDAY, SO...

I DON'T NEED TO GO TO HIS LITTLE PARTY
ANYWAY. WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE TIME.

WELL, GOOD FOR YOU. IT IS
GOOD FOR ME. BAD FOR HIM. OK?

HE'S NOT GONNA HAVE THIS FLOATIN'
IN HIS POOL. GAME OVER. I WIN.

HEY, ME AND DAWN
ARE BACK FROM LUNCH.

WHAT'D WE MISS?

DAWN, MY GOD!

YOU LOOK AMAZING!

CARRIE TOOK ME FOR A COMPLETE MAKEOVER.

WOW! I ALMOST DIDN'T
RECOGNIZE YOU. INCREDIBLE!

CARRIE, THAT IS
SO NICE OF YOU.

YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

YOU KNOW...

NO ONE'S EVER DONE ANYTHING
LIKE THIS FOR ME BEFORE.

THANK YOU, CARRIE.

OHHH... OHHH...
OHHH...

PRECIOUS ANGEL.

OK.

ALL RIGHTY!
COME ON.

COME ON.
NO MORE TEARS.

THAT MASCARA'S NOT
WATERPROOF, AND WE STILL

NEED TO SHOW YOU OFF
TO THE GUYS IN ACCOUNTING.

OK?

HEY, MAN.

OH, YEAH. HEY.

I LIKE YOUR SHIRT.

HEY, YOU WANT
HALF MY SANDWICH?

NO, I'M-I'M GOOD.
THANKS.

IT'S PROSCIUTTO.

THAT'S HAM
FOR RICH PEOPLE.

HA HA HA HA HA!

RIGHT.

THIS GUY'S OUTTA CONTROL!

YEAH!

HI.

MAKE IT FAST,
HEFFERNAN.

I'M TRYIN' TO GET OUTTA HERE, HUH?

YEAH. IT'LL JUST
TAKE A SECOND.

IT'S ABOUT THE, UH,
NEW GUY-ROBINSON?

OH, YEAH. UH, DO YOU KNOW
IF WE'RE SUPPOSED TO WEAR

A SWIMSUIT
TO THIS BARBECUE THING?

'CAUSE... I ALWAYS END UP
GUESSIN' WRONG.

ACTUALLY, THAT'S WHAT I
WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

UH... SEE, I DON'T KNOW
IF IT'S BEEN BROUGHT

TO YOUR ATTENTION
OR NOT,

BUT NOT EVERYBODY'S
BEEN INVITED,

AND I THINK THAT'S KINDA BAD FOR MORALE.

SO, WHO
DIDN'T GET INVITED?

AS FAR AS I KNOW, JUST ME
AND, UH... THE RECYCLING GUY.

OH, NO, NO. TEEMU'S
GOIN'. HE'S MY RIDE.

HEFFERNAN, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

IT'S JUST... THIS WHOLE
THING'S JUST DRIVIN' ME CRAZY.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
THE GUY DOESN'T LIKE ME.

I- I'VE TRIED
EVERYTHING.

DID YOU DO
THE SPOON TRICK?

WELL, YOU KNOW
WHAT HELPS

WHEN YOU'RE FEELIN'
A LITTLE DOWN?

DELIVERING PACKAGES.

I KNOW, SIR, BUT LOOK. DO
YOU HAVE ANY OUT-OF-TOWN RUNS

COMIN' UP AT ALL?

YEAH. WHY?

SEND ME AWAY WITH JARED.

WHAT?

IF I CAN GET HIM
ALONE FOR A FEW HOURS,

I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT
RIGHT BETWEEN US.

COME ON. PLEASE?
I- I PROMISE YOU

I'LL WORK
THE NEXT 3 SATURDAYS.

WELL, NOT THIS SATURDAY
'CAUSE IT'S THE BARBECUE.

ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, SIR.

LET'S SEE. UH... WELL,
I GOT SOME COMPUTER JUNK

GOIN' TO PITTSBURGH.

HMM. NOT LOVIN'
PITTSBURGH.

ALL RIGHT. WELL,

I GOT SOMETHIN'
THAT'S GOIN' UP

TO A PLACE
ON LAKE GEORGE.

OH, A LAKE.

MAGIC CAN HAPPEN.

CARRIE... I FOUND THIS ON MY DESK.

IS IT FROM YOU?

DID I HEAR SOMEBODY
LIKED HYDRANGEAS?

I THINK I DID.

YOU ARE THE BEST.

HA HA. RIGHT BACK
AT YA, HONEY.

HEY, CARR. THANKS
FOR THE SALSA LESSONS.

OH, DE NADA, BABY.

HEY, CARRIE.

WHOA! THERE SHE IS.
HEY, DIDN'T I TELL YOU

THAT OUTFIT WOULD
LOOK GREAT ON YOU?

YOU WERE RIGHT.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

HEY, WHERE ARE THOSE
EARRINGS I TOLD YOU TO BUY?

OH, ACTUALLY, I DON'T
HAVE PIERCED EARS.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN KIND
OF AFRAID OF DOING THAT.

WELL, THAT'S OK. AT LUNCH,
MAMA'LL GET YOU LIQUORED UP,

AND POP, POP,
WE'RE DONE.

I GUESS.
MM-HMM.

HEY, JARED, I BELIEVE
THE LAKE IS THAT WAY.

ACTUALLY, IT MIGHT
BE THIS WAY.

TOM, WE'RE COWORKERS.

OF COURSE I'LL TAKE CARE OF
YOUR OWL WHILE YOU'RE AWAY.

OK. NO PROBLEM.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

BYE-BYE.

OH, BY THE WAY, I'M GONNA
BE HOME LATE TOMORROW.

WHY?

OH, I GOT AN UPSTATE RUN
WITH THE NEW GUY-JARED.

OHHH.

YOU WANNA LOOK GOOD
FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND.

OK, HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!
OK?! GET THAT STRAIGHT!

I'M SO FAT.

LISTEN, BUDDY, DADDY
WANTS TO BE AT YOUR PLAY

MORE THAN ANYTHING
IN THE WORLD TONIGHT,

BUT I CAN'T.
I GOTTA WORK.

HEY, NOW, COME ON.
MY BIG GUY DOESN'T CRY.

RIGHT?

OK. I LOVE YOU, AND
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

NEXT EXIT-
WETZEL'S PRETZELS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE O'BOYLE
PUT ME ON THIS THING.

I TOLD HIM MY KID
HAD A PLAY TONIGHT.

YEAH. HE'S A TOOL.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THIS ROAD TRIP NEEDS

IS SOME TUNE-AGE.
HUH?

NAH. I-I KINDA LIKE
THE BEE GEES.

OH. ALL RIGHT.
NO PROBLEM.

WHERE ARE YOU?

WHERE ARE YOU?!

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

NO, NO. YOU WANT
JIVE TALKIN',

YOU'RE GETTIN' JIVE TALKIN', MY FRIEND.

IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

IT'S OVER.
I'M SORRY.

IT'S OK.

Dammit.

HI, CARRIE.

WHOA. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

HEY. WHAT'S
GOIN' ON THERE?

HUH? OH, IT'S
JUST THAT I WAS-

I WAS REALLY LATE
THIS MORNING,

AND I JUST
DIDN'T HAVE TIME

TO, YOU KNOW,
DO MYSELF UP.

OH. SEE YOU HAD TIME
TO GET YOURSELF A BAGEL.

THE THING IS...

I REALLY APPRECIATE WHAT
YOU DID, BUT I REALIZED

IT JUST DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE MYSELF.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T
YOU SAY SOMETHING?

I TRIED,
BUT YOU KEPT...

HUGGING ME.

BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH.
IT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU.

NO PROBLEM.

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT,
DAWN? I'M SORRY. UH...

THIS ISN'T GONNA
WORK FOR ME.

PARDON?

YOU KNOW, YOU GOIN'
BACK TO YOUR OLD LOOK.

IT'S KINDA KILLIN' THE
BUZZ AROUND HERE. YOU KNOW?

I'M SORRY.
OH.

THAT'S OK.
THAT'S OK.

LUNCHTIME,
YOU GO HOME...

GET YOURSELF
FIXED UP.

BUT FOR NOW, LET'S START WITH THE HAIR.

LET-

NO. REALLY. NO.
NO, LET ME JUST GET-

CARRIE, I'M FINE.
OK, BABY. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GIVIN' YOU
A LITTLE SOMETHIN'-

COULD YOU PLEASE
JUST STOP?!

I TOLD YOU
IT JUST WASN'T ME!

AHEM. YEAH,
AND I DON'T THINK

WE SHOULD BE MARRIED
TO THE CONCEPT of you.

LOOK, I DIDN'T LIKE
THE MAKEOVER! OK?!

THE SHOES MADE
MY FEET BLEED.

MY HAIR WAS ALWAYS
IN MY EYES.

I TOLD YOU I WAS MORE
COMFORTABLE IN A PONY!

YES. AND A PONY
IS NOT A HAIRSTYLE.

OK? IT'S
A BABY HORSE.

OH, ACTUALLY, A FOAL
IS A BABY HORSE.

OK. YOU SEE,
POINDEXTER?

NOW, THAT'S THE ATTITUDE.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHY

YOU HAVEN'T HAD A DATE
IN THE LAST 5 YEARS.

LITTLE HUG FOR
- LITTLE LOVIN'. LITTLE LOVIN'.

COME ON. OH, DD, DD, DD
- I DON'T WANT A LITTLE LOVING!

I JUST WANT YOU
TO LEAVE ME ALONE!

YEAH.

OK! YEAH, RIGHT!

RUN OFF! KEEP DRESSIN' LIKE THAT!

YOU'RE GONNA
DIE ALONE!

WHAT'RE YOU ALL
LOOKIN' AT?

HUH? WHAT'S UP
WITH YOU, MARCY?

YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH YOUR HYDRANGEAS?

DIDN'T THINK SO.
THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT'S UP
WITH YOU, MAN?

BOY, IF SOMEBODY
DOESN'T START PEDALING,

WE'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT
TO THE OLD BRIDGE BY SUNDOWN.

YEAH. LOOK, DOUG, THIS
HAS BEEN A LOT OF FUN,

BUT I REALLY THINK WE SHOULD BE
HEADIN' BACK TO THE CITY, HUH?

AND GET STUCK
IN ALL THAT TRAFFIC?

JUST RELAX. OK?

WE'RE JUST...
2 TEAMSTERS

OUT ENJOYIN'
A NICE PADDLE.

IT DOESN'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.

WE'RE HEADIN' BACK IN.
COME ON.

5 MORE MINUTES, MAN.
NO!

COME ON. JUST UNTIL
WE SEE A DUCK.

WE SAW A DUCK!
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT?

I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. OK?
YOU CAN "TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME"?

WHAT?
YEAH.

DON'T PLAY DUMB,
OK? DEACON TOLD ME.

OH, G-ALL RIGHT, MAYBE I
SAID SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT.

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DON'T KNOW.
HE DOESN'T KNOW.

DO YOU BELIEVE THIS
GUY? HE DOESN'T KNOW.

OK, I'M OUTTA HERE.
OH, THIS IS JUST GREAT.

I GO TO ALL THE TROUBLE TO GET O'BOYLE

TO PUT US ON THIS JOB, AND
YOU'RE JUST "OUTTA HERE"?

WAIT. HOLD ON. YOU GOT
ME ASSIGNED TO THIS?

YOU'RE THE REASON
I'M MISSIN' MY KID'S PLAY?

OH, PLEASE! THAT
WOULD'VE BEEN TORTURE,

AND YOU KNOW IT.

LOOK, I'M J
- HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE ME?

WELL, I'M FINDING IT
PRETTY EASY RIGHT NOW, DOUG.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.
DON'T LIKE ME.

WHAT DO I CARE?
DONE. THANK YOU.

WILL YOU-CAN YOU WAIT ONE
SECOND, PLEASE? STOP THE PADDLING?

LOOK. JUST LET ME SAVE
A LITTLE FACE HERE. OK?

JUST... INVITE ME
TO YOUR BARBECUE,

AND... I'LL BE OUT OF YOUR
LIFE FOREVER. I PROMISE.

NO. WE'RE GOING BACK IN.

WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL YOU INVITE ME.

WELL, THAT'S
NOT HAPPENING!

OH, NO?
NO!

HEY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOIN', MAN?!

BE CAREFUL! YOU'RE
GONNA TIP US OVER!

OH, YEAH? IF I TIP
US OVER, I WILL PANIC,

AND I'M GONNA
BRING YOUR ASS

TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS
LAKE LIKE AN ANCHOR!

OK, STOP IT, MAN!
CUT IT OUT!

NO! YOU INVITE ME
OR DIE!

OK-OK! OK! YOU CAN COME
TO MY BARBECUE! OK!

WANT ME TO BRING
ANYTHING, OR...

HEY. ANYTHING
IN THE MAIL?

UH, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED,
CREDIT CARD,

BILL, AND SOMETHIN'
FROM THE COUNTY.

HUH. IT'S AN UPDATED
RESTRAINING ORDER.

HUH. YOURS OR MINE?

MINE.

IT LOOKS LIKE
I CAN NOW GET

WITHIN 30 FEET
OF DAWN.

SHOW-OFF.