The Kids Are Alright (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Episode #1.10 - full transcript
It's about time, Mr. Lollygag.
I sent you to the store hours ago.
Sorry, Mom. I tried to drive
fast but there were squirrels.
ADULT TIMMY: My mom and Frank
had this weird co-dependency
where his happiness
was tied to her happiness,
but so was her happiness.
- Hell's bells, real Cool Whip?
- It was on your list.
- Oh...
- You let him buy real Cool Whip?
Did I get a raise I don't know about?
I wrote Cool Whip with a "K,"
the cheap store brand.
Never buy anything spelled correctly.
At Ralph's you pay extra for grammar.
Been a long day.
I'm gonna take a shower.
- It won't happen again, Mom.
- I need to be able to count on you
while your dad's doing
all this overtime.
[Southern accent] Greetings
and salutations, madam!
I had been cast
in a production of "Show Boat,"
playing a suave riverboat gambler.
Unfortunately, the only
person from the South
I was familiar with was Foghorn Leghorn.
I say, I say, what a charming evening,
the scent of juniper filling the air.
- Oh.
- It's not juniper,
it's Mom's boiled cabbage.
And you missed out!
Enjoy your peanut butter
sandwich for supper.
Oh, I think we can do better
than that for our star.
- Star.
- I am the star!
I totally aced my audition.
How many male roles in this show?
Seventeen.
Maybe we should've put up more fliers.
♪
I'm making a Hungry-Man dinner for
your dad. I'll throw one in for you.
He gets a Hungry-Man for showing up late?
Why is Timmy so special?
Oh, he's only special
compared to the rest of you.
Oh, you hear that?
It's not you, it's us!
How'd rehearsal go?
Did you bring up my suggestion
of adding a genie?
I doubt they'd have a genie
on a Mississippi riverboat.
All I know is it works on that show.
This production has much
bigger problems, Mom.
I'm doing the best work of my career,
but these sets are amateur hour.
It's called "Show Boat,"
and so far there's no boat.
Wendi says they can't spend
any money on sets.
The whole point is raising funds
for soccer equipment.
The whole point is reaching
across those footlights
to bring a little magic
into people's lives.
And what's more magical than a genie?
I'll shut up now.
I couldn't help overhear
that your little show
might be in need of some
nautical-themed items.
I am a man with influential
friends and associates.
Uh-huh, you saw "The Godfather" again.
Seriously, how do you keep
getting into that movie?
I am a man with influential
- friends and associates.
- [Sighs]
I might be able to procure
some boat stuff for your set.
What's that gonna cost me?
You insult me with offers of money.
But someday...
and this day may never come...
I will call upon you
to do a service for me.
You're saying it may never come?
Oh... it'll come.
So, what have I been missing
around here?
Anything interesting with the kids?
You skip a few nights at home,
you think they suddenly get interesting?
That's kind of interesting.
["Drunken Sailor" plays]
Oh, my God.
Joey got that for my show!
How does he get his mitts
on crazy stuff like that?
Don't ask too many questions.
Otherwise, I might have
to return my Ginsu knives.
I just hope there's not some
ocean liner out there,
drifting around in circles.
Frank, you'll need to drive
Timmy to his rehearsal.
He's not gonna be able to carry
that wheel on his bike.
You've got the whole house
jumping through hoops
just because you're in a show.
- It's not fair.
- If it bugs you,
do something great
that people like, like I do.
I'm great at important things
like algebra and penmanship...
not lame stuff like musicals.
"Show Boat," lame?
Tell that to legendary
theater impresario...
Florenz Ziegfeld.
Looking back, it's shocking
that my brothers didn't punch me more.
- ["Drunken Sailor" plays]
- Hey!
Look what we brought!
A genuine captain's wheel? Far out!
Yeah, my brother got it for us
for the Cotton Blossom.
Thanks so much, Frank!
[Laughing] Oh. Oh, no, no, I meant my...
I like to support the theater.
Aren't you late for your dumb nonsense?
Yeah.
Are you one of the actors, too, then?
No, I'm from the soccer team.
We're hoping to buy
shin guards this year
so I can finally stop bleeding
through my knee socks.
We tried to get her
to be in the show because...
Uh-huh, because why?
You know, because it's set
in the South, and...
you have such a beautiful singing voice.
I don't.
But I am the only
black person in school.
[Snaps fingers] We should
get this wheel backstage.
Ladies, I can handle it.
I placed in the 75th percentile
for the President's
Physical Fitness Test.
♪
Hey pal, look what Gino brought me.
A whole case.
- Check this out.
- How'd you come across that?
[Chuckles] Well, let's just say
it fell off the back of a truck.
- Is that what happened?
- Pretty much.
Truck hit a speed bump,
it fell off the back.
This pleases me.
You two have shown me great respect.
Oh, hey, can I try out your ring?
["Love Theme from The Godfather" plays]
[Ring whirring]
♪
MELISSA: I know what you're
thinking, but no,
this wasn't done
by professional carpenters.
It's terrible, but your wheel
will definitely help.
For the record, I wanted to do
a bake sale.
SISTER EUPHEMIA:
Hold the work backstage!
The artists are attempting
to engage the muse.
From the fourth bar.
Gaylord and Magnolia,
feeling the first tender shoots
- of love's flowering.
- [Piano plays]
TOGETHER: ♪ Might as well make believe ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ For to tell the truth ♪
♪ I do ♪
Lovely, children.
Nice working with you, kiddo.
You've got some chops.
We might want to speak to costumes
about getting you some lifts.
There goes our money
for the soccer team.
I should've gone to public school.
They have Title IX, pizza Fridays,
and other black people.
We'll never be ready by show night.
What if we went at this differently?
- Like a bake sale?
- Forget the three-dimensional boat,
we could do something
lightweight in two dimensions
- and suspend it from a traverse rod.
- That sounds smart.
I placed in the 76th percentile
in Engineering and Physics.
I would go with 2/10 scale
with a forced perspective.
We'll build the ship...
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine...
10 Frank's feet long.
That sounds great, but we don't
have time to start over.
We do if I help,
and we keep it very simple.
We need a steam whistle,
smoke machine, lots of lights,
and a rotating paddle wheel.
Your set will look like a million bucks.
We have ten.
Eight. I bought gum for the crew.
Where on Earth are you
coming from, Frank?
I swear I heard you
cleaning the gutters,
stomping around up there.
That possum must be putting on weight.
Sorry, Mom, I stuck around
to help work on Timmy's sets.
Every day you put the gutters off,
that possum becomes
a more formidable foe.
Why can't somebody else
do the gutters, like Lawrence?
'Cause I told you to do it.
Yeah. Plus, I have that inner-ear thing.
Whenever I go up on a ladder,
my inner ear hears the words,
"This seems like a Frank job."
Mom, guess what?
I'm playing two roles now.
They asked me to also play
Stevedore Joe,
so I get to sing "Old Man River"!
Isn't Joe an Afro-American?
It'll be my greatest acting challenge.
But no black-face. That's
considered in poor taste now.
- Very good, Mom.
- Hmm. Heard that
- from an Oriental.
- Eh, there it is.
So, I'm thinking I want to keep
helping the girls with the set.
- They really like my ideas.
- Ideas.
No, I have much too much work
for you to do around here.
Besides, I only have room in this family
for one insufferable show-off.
- Forward roll!
- [Telephone ringing]
Here we go. [Laughs]
- Oh!
- Wow.
- Cleary residence.
- Hey, Frank.
- Oh, hi, Wendi.
- Hey, thanks again
for all your help today.
Yeah, about that. I'm not sure...
Oh, we're asking too much, aren't we?
N...
I-I understand.
It's just watching you today,
all lit up with inspiration,
this show started to get fun again.
Well, it's just I'm not sure...
- [Laughs]
- Hey, hey.
- Whup!
- Nice!
...how I'll be able to sleep tonight,
dreaming about
putting that boat together.
- See you tomorrow, Wendi.
- Is that my girlfriend?
Sorry you had to talk to Frank.
[Gags] Now the receiver
smells like Frank breath.
♪ You an' me, we sweat an' strain ♪
To get away with defying Mom,
Frank had to work double-duty,
still executing all her heinous chores
and then secretly slipping away
to build sets with Wendi.
♪ An' you land in jaaaaiiiil... ♪
[Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" plays]
♪
What's up? Besides us.
- Ha!
- No horseplay! I'm on a ladder.
Where did you get the scissor lift?
If I tell you, everyone gets one,
then they're not cool anymore.
That looks like pretty grim work.
It's not bad, except for
the baby bird skeletons,
but I get the satisfaction
of helping Mom.
More satisfaction than helping
those girls from the play
who are your own age
and not related to you?
Entertainment folk with their
free and easy ways...
Nobody's "free and easy."
They're nice girls who
just want to play soccer.
- ["Love Theme from The Godfather" plays]
- How about I take over here for you
so you can go hang out
with your show folk?
Then one day, you can do a favor for me.
♪
Okay.
But if isn't done to perfection,
Mom'll know it wasn't me.
Relax, I'll do it exactly like someone
who is weirdly obsessed with
the approval of his mother.
You better.
[Brakes squeal]
["Drunken Sailor" plays]
[Tires squeal]
[Door closes]
Where'd that thing come from?
I know a guy who knows a guy.
In court they're called accomplices.
Get down from there.
You and I are going for seafood.
Hey, you know that favor you owe me?
I need it right now, and fast.
You think something like this
is a harmless prank,
but folks have gone to jail for less.
- I don't want to go to jail.
- No, you don't.
There are much better ways
to see Johnny Cash for free.
But maybe if you and I go in the
restaurant and you apologize,
we can smooth this over.
Okay.
But what am I apologizing for?
Seriously?
You're gonna sit there and deny
that you stole that?
Stole what?
["Drunken Sailor" plays]
That wasn't there before.
[Tires squeal]
♪
Let's go. Come on.
Just point it at the backdrop and...
[Button clicks, projector whirring]
WENDI: Wow! So pretty, Frank.
You're an artist.
Is that somebody surfing
on the Mississippi River?
Oh, I shot this at Zuma Beach.
We can splice that out.
You should be really proud.
I mean, you built a really great set.
And more importantly,
got Melissa to stop yapping
about her bake sale.
I'm selling cupcakes in the lobby.
I don't care what anybody says.
- Places for dress rehearsal!
- [Piano plays]
♪ Only make believe I love you... ♪
♪ Only make believe ♪
♪ That you love me ♪
- [Horn blowing]
- TOGETHER: ♪ Others find peace of mind ♪
- ♪ In pretending... ♪
- [Applause, scattered cheers]
TIMMY: ♪ Couldn't you? ♪
MAGNOLIA: ♪ Couldn't I? ♪
TOGETHER: ♪ Couldn't we... ♪
- ♪ Make... ♪
- There I was, singing my guts out,
and all anyone was looking at
was Frank's stupid boat.
[Crowd chanting]: Frank!
My pride kept me
from caring what they thought...
- or it would have if I had any.
- Forward roll!
[Chanting continues]
[Cheers]
Look, all I'm asking is you tone
down the effects tomorrow night
so the audience notices I'm there.
Actors, they always think
they're the ones
people come to see,
but the star tonight was my set.
And me! I play the boat!
Okay, the stage crew
liked it, sure, but tomorrow
is a paying audience of
soccer team boosters...
a more sophisticated, European crowd.
I'm not changing a thing.
It's called "Show Boat," not Show Timmy.
Frank had gotten his first
taste of that fleeting,
shallow showbiz glory
that feels so much better
than actual love,
but it was supposed to mine.
And in taking it,
he had made a powerful enemy.
Hey, Dad, why don't you
get out that projector
and show us those home movies
you took at the air show?
Outstanding idea.
- Mm-hmm.
- Buckle up, kids.
Tonight we are soaring
with the Blue Angels!
[Laughs]
His air show movies?
Really? Why would you do that to us?
I'll have to find my glasses
with the fake open eyes.
We all agreed we'd only let him
show those on Father's Day
and only if we forgot to get him a card.
And ever since we made that rule,
we have never forgotten the card.
Oh, come on. Those movies aren't so bad,
and it makes your dad happy
when we watch 'em together.
- I'll be in the kitchen.
- MIKE: Peg!
My Bell and Howell projector is gone!
Well, things have a way of
disappearing around this house.
I can't keep a bra catalogue!
Your projector is missing?
- I don't know.
- That's strange.
I might know who had something
to do with this.
Joey!
You know anything about
my missing projector?
No, Pop, but I can ask
Mousey and Ray-Ray
- to check the word on the street.
- Or maybe I can call the police
and have them search the premises,
including a certain, uh, tree house.
You don't have to call the police.
- I took your projector.
- You took it?
I'm using it for special effects
in "Show Boat."
Oh, maybe we should've
taken you to the doctor
when you failed that hearing
test at school and they said
it might be something serious,
because I specifically told you
- not to work on "Show Boat."
- I know, but I-I...
I like it. I'm good at it,
and it makes me happy.
Is that the groovy, new trend now?
Everyone doing things that
they're good at and being happy?
Plus the people there
show me appreciation,
which never happens around here.
Hey, pal, your appreciation is
that we haven't sold you to the Gypsies.
Yeah, I'm starting to wonder
what's really going on...
if this sudden interest in theater
is really an interest in those girls?
- What?!
- Mm-hmm.
[Scoffs]
No! Wh-What's going on here
is you can't stand me doing
something away from you
that isn't under your thumb!
I'm just trying to protect you
from making a fool of yourself.
The only thing you're protecting me from
is having my own life
because it means maybe someday
I won't be at your beck and call!
You're so afraid to go out
in the world and do things,
you just want the rest of us to be
as afraid of the world as you are.
- Hey, knock it off!
- Well, I'm not afraid!
And I'm not afraid of you.
I'm still scared of you, Mom.
Thank you, William.
You always know just what to say.
Once the idea
of watching air show movies
got into his head,
my dad couldn't sleep.
And he wasn't about to let the
lack of a projector stop him.
Ooh, delta formation.
Such precision.
Whoa, they're flying backwards.
There you go.
[Thud in distance]
[Dog barking in distance]
["Drunken Sailor" plays]
Ahoy, buttheads. King crabs,
straight from Seafood Fart.
Seriously bummed to see that "O" back.
Pull up the ladder in case of visitors.
My brother Pat climbs in his sleep.
One of the crabs got away from me
when I was locking up my bike.
They trick you by running sideways.
- [Door closes]
- Wow. These are almost as nice
- as the crabs I got from your sister.
- [Laughter]
- I don't have a sister.
- You have any girl cousins?
- Yeah.
- Then it works.
- [Laughter]
- Where were we? Oh, yeah,
I believe this is mine.
Again? Seriously?
Oh, you'll have a chance to win it back.
- Five card stud.
- Look what I found in my tree...
some delinquent Keebler Elves.
Dad, you can't just barge in
on a man's tree house.
I could've legally shot you.
[Grunts] My tree, my rules.
- Hi, Mr. Cleary.
- Stay for a while, son.
I'm hurt you didn't invite me
to your party.
You'll note mine's a cream soda.
I-I was planning on doing some
scissor lifting later.
You do realize gambling's
illegal in this state?
T-True, but we're 14 feet
off the ground,
so technically,
we're subject to astronaut law.
DAVEY: We don't always play
for money, Mr. Cleary.
A lot of the times,
Joey forgives our debts
if we're able to offer him a favor.
I got him that scissor lift
from my dad's job site.
Mm. Looks like you called in
a lot of favors.
I see radial tires, olive oil,
a wiggling sack of something.
As a responsible father,
there's only one way
for me to handle this.
Deal me in.
[Chuckles]
DAVEY: Uh...
♪
Here's a little something
I call the "Cleary"
because it's a...
full house.
Poor me with only two pair...
of the same thing.
- ["Drunken Sailor" plays]
- That's better, isn't it?
[Laughs]
This feels like a good stopping point.
- Because you have all the money!
- [Laughing] Yeah!
I mean, you're not seriously keeping it?
Uh, uh, your goal was to teach
me a lesson, right?
Yeah, I like to get paid for my lessons.
I won this by cheating fair and square.
You cheated?
Yeah. [Chuckles]
But it's okay,
because we're under astronaut law.
- [Switch engages]
- T-minus 10... 9...
8... 7...
It was finally show night.
A battle royale between me
and a cardboard boat.
Fortunately, I had a secret
weapon up my sleeve.
[Lighter clicking]
- Timmy, I need to talk to you.
- Uh, s-s-sure... sure.
I guess Mom isn't coming tonight
because of our fight.
Sorry about that. I know how her
approval means a lot to you.
I think I understand now
what it's like for you,
doing something that inspires you
while other people crap on it
and try to hold you back.
Other people like me.
You have been
one of my harshest critics.
You and that smug second grader
who writes those reviews
for the school paper.
Well, she's a hack.
Good luck tonight.
Frank.
I asked Dad to show us
his home movies last night
so Mom would find out and stop
you from doing the show.
I was jealous of your set
for upstaging me.
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
If you hadn't done that, I might
never have stood up to Mom.
I can't believe you were jealous.
No one's ever been jealous of me before.
Except for Mrs. Strausser,
who raves about my skin.
I'm not proud of what I did, Frank.
Mostly because it didn't work.
[Both laugh]
Seriously, I wish it had
worked. I hated that damn boat.
♪ Ol' man river ♪
♪ Dat ol' man river ♪
- [Horn blowing]
- ♪ He mus' know sumpin' ♪
♪ But don't say nuthin' ♪
- ♪ He jes' keeps rollin' along ♪
- Dr. King did not march for this.
Just picture those shin guards.
[Applause, cheering]
[Door closes]
♪
I brought Dad's projector back.
Didn't go to the cast party
with your new theater friends?
Meeting up in some coffee house,
wear berets, and play bongos?
They're mostly just a soccer team.
We had orange slices at intermission.
I brought you this.
A program from the show.
They put my name in there.
Some of what you said last night...
might be true.
About me sometimes holding you back.
Then again, it's only natural.
Every parent wants their
children to end up
just a little less happy than they are.
I'm not sure that's universal, Mom.
What do I know?
I grew up in a different time.
Expectations for girls
weren't set that high.
And I met your father, and then
along came all you kids.
Eight needy nails in my
hopes and dreams coffin.
But I guess I could try to be
a little bit more encouraging.
Let you boys march out into the world
with sky-high expectations.
And if they don't work out,
I'll be here for you.
To come crawling back to.
To tell me I was right.
Or if they do work out,
we can come back to say thank you.
I love you, Mom.
[Scoffing]
That word.
You're probably starving.
I'm gonna heat you up
a Hungry-Man dinner.
It's a new one... Mexican enchiladas.
- Hey, you see that one?
- Sure.
X-27 Lancer.
Any idea how many Gs
that baby's pulling?
I don't know. 3?
A million?
What's this nonsense?
Barry's Barnstormers
was supposed to be up next.
These look like the movies that
William took of Timmy's show.
Geez Louise, this looks amazing!
It's not the "Crowned Clowns
of the Air," but... not bad.
Well, we all knew Timmy
had a dose of creativity,
but it looks like we have a second son
- with a budding talent.
- Huh.
I'm thinking William could
really be a filmmaker one day.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
I sent you to the store hours ago.
Sorry, Mom. I tried to drive
fast but there were squirrels.
ADULT TIMMY: My mom and Frank
had this weird co-dependency
where his happiness
was tied to her happiness,
but so was her happiness.
- Hell's bells, real Cool Whip?
- It was on your list.
- Oh...
- You let him buy real Cool Whip?
Did I get a raise I don't know about?
I wrote Cool Whip with a "K,"
the cheap store brand.
Never buy anything spelled correctly.
At Ralph's you pay extra for grammar.
Been a long day.
I'm gonna take a shower.
- It won't happen again, Mom.
- I need to be able to count on you
while your dad's doing
all this overtime.
[Southern accent] Greetings
and salutations, madam!
I had been cast
in a production of "Show Boat,"
playing a suave riverboat gambler.
Unfortunately, the only
person from the South
I was familiar with was Foghorn Leghorn.
I say, I say, what a charming evening,
the scent of juniper filling the air.
- Oh.
- It's not juniper,
it's Mom's boiled cabbage.
And you missed out!
Enjoy your peanut butter
sandwich for supper.
Oh, I think we can do better
than that for our star.
- Star.
- I am the star!
I totally aced my audition.
How many male roles in this show?
Seventeen.
Maybe we should've put up more fliers.
♪
I'm making a Hungry-Man dinner for
your dad. I'll throw one in for you.
He gets a Hungry-Man for showing up late?
Why is Timmy so special?
Oh, he's only special
compared to the rest of you.
Oh, you hear that?
It's not you, it's us!
How'd rehearsal go?
Did you bring up my suggestion
of adding a genie?
I doubt they'd have a genie
on a Mississippi riverboat.
All I know is it works on that show.
This production has much
bigger problems, Mom.
I'm doing the best work of my career,
but these sets are amateur hour.
It's called "Show Boat,"
and so far there's no boat.
Wendi says they can't spend
any money on sets.
The whole point is raising funds
for soccer equipment.
The whole point is reaching
across those footlights
to bring a little magic
into people's lives.
And what's more magical than a genie?
I'll shut up now.
I couldn't help overhear
that your little show
might be in need of some
nautical-themed items.
I am a man with influential
friends and associates.
Uh-huh, you saw "The Godfather" again.
Seriously, how do you keep
getting into that movie?
I am a man with influential
- friends and associates.
- [Sighs]
I might be able to procure
some boat stuff for your set.
What's that gonna cost me?
You insult me with offers of money.
But someday...
and this day may never come...
I will call upon you
to do a service for me.
You're saying it may never come?
Oh... it'll come.
So, what have I been missing
around here?
Anything interesting with the kids?
You skip a few nights at home,
you think they suddenly get interesting?
That's kind of interesting.
["Drunken Sailor" plays]
Oh, my God.
Joey got that for my show!
How does he get his mitts
on crazy stuff like that?
Don't ask too many questions.
Otherwise, I might have
to return my Ginsu knives.
I just hope there's not some
ocean liner out there,
drifting around in circles.
Frank, you'll need to drive
Timmy to his rehearsal.
He's not gonna be able to carry
that wheel on his bike.
You've got the whole house
jumping through hoops
just because you're in a show.
- It's not fair.
- If it bugs you,
do something great
that people like, like I do.
I'm great at important things
like algebra and penmanship...
not lame stuff like musicals.
"Show Boat," lame?
Tell that to legendary
theater impresario...
Florenz Ziegfeld.
Looking back, it's shocking
that my brothers didn't punch me more.
- ["Drunken Sailor" plays]
- Hey!
Look what we brought!
A genuine captain's wheel? Far out!
Yeah, my brother got it for us
for the Cotton Blossom.
Thanks so much, Frank!
[Laughing] Oh. Oh, no, no, I meant my...
I like to support the theater.
Aren't you late for your dumb nonsense?
Yeah.
Are you one of the actors, too, then?
No, I'm from the soccer team.
We're hoping to buy
shin guards this year
so I can finally stop bleeding
through my knee socks.
We tried to get her
to be in the show because...
Uh-huh, because why?
You know, because it's set
in the South, and...
you have such a beautiful singing voice.
I don't.
But I am the only
black person in school.
[Snaps fingers] We should
get this wheel backstage.
Ladies, I can handle it.
I placed in the 75th percentile
for the President's
Physical Fitness Test.
♪
Hey pal, look what Gino brought me.
A whole case.
- Check this out.
- How'd you come across that?
[Chuckles] Well, let's just say
it fell off the back of a truck.
- Is that what happened?
- Pretty much.
Truck hit a speed bump,
it fell off the back.
This pleases me.
You two have shown me great respect.
Oh, hey, can I try out your ring?
["Love Theme from The Godfather" plays]
[Ring whirring]
♪
MELISSA: I know what you're
thinking, but no,
this wasn't done
by professional carpenters.
It's terrible, but your wheel
will definitely help.
For the record, I wanted to do
a bake sale.
SISTER EUPHEMIA:
Hold the work backstage!
The artists are attempting
to engage the muse.
From the fourth bar.
Gaylord and Magnolia,
feeling the first tender shoots
- of love's flowering.
- [Piano plays]
TOGETHER: ♪ Might as well make believe ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ For to tell the truth ♪
♪ I do ♪
Lovely, children.
Nice working with you, kiddo.
You've got some chops.
We might want to speak to costumes
about getting you some lifts.
There goes our money
for the soccer team.
I should've gone to public school.
They have Title IX, pizza Fridays,
and other black people.
We'll never be ready by show night.
What if we went at this differently?
- Like a bake sale?
- Forget the three-dimensional boat,
we could do something
lightweight in two dimensions
- and suspend it from a traverse rod.
- That sounds smart.
I placed in the 76th percentile
in Engineering and Physics.
I would go with 2/10 scale
with a forced perspective.
We'll build the ship...
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine...
10 Frank's feet long.
That sounds great, but we don't
have time to start over.
We do if I help,
and we keep it very simple.
We need a steam whistle,
smoke machine, lots of lights,
and a rotating paddle wheel.
Your set will look like a million bucks.
We have ten.
Eight. I bought gum for the crew.
Where on Earth are you
coming from, Frank?
I swear I heard you
cleaning the gutters,
stomping around up there.
That possum must be putting on weight.
Sorry, Mom, I stuck around
to help work on Timmy's sets.
Every day you put the gutters off,
that possum becomes
a more formidable foe.
Why can't somebody else
do the gutters, like Lawrence?
'Cause I told you to do it.
Yeah. Plus, I have that inner-ear thing.
Whenever I go up on a ladder,
my inner ear hears the words,
"This seems like a Frank job."
Mom, guess what?
I'm playing two roles now.
They asked me to also play
Stevedore Joe,
so I get to sing "Old Man River"!
Isn't Joe an Afro-American?
It'll be my greatest acting challenge.
But no black-face. That's
considered in poor taste now.
- Very good, Mom.
- Hmm. Heard that
- from an Oriental.
- Eh, there it is.
So, I'm thinking I want to keep
helping the girls with the set.
- They really like my ideas.
- Ideas.
No, I have much too much work
for you to do around here.
Besides, I only have room in this family
for one insufferable show-off.
- Forward roll!
- [Telephone ringing]
Here we go. [Laughs]
- Oh!
- Wow.
- Cleary residence.
- Hey, Frank.
- Oh, hi, Wendi.
- Hey, thanks again
for all your help today.
Yeah, about that. I'm not sure...
Oh, we're asking too much, aren't we?
N...
I-I understand.
It's just watching you today,
all lit up with inspiration,
this show started to get fun again.
Well, it's just I'm not sure...
- [Laughs]
- Hey, hey.
- Whup!
- Nice!
...how I'll be able to sleep tonight,
dreaming about
putting that boat together.
- See you tomorrow, Wendi.
- Is that my girlfriend?
Sorry you had to talk to Frank.
[Gags] Now the receiver
smells like Frank breath.
♪ You an' me, we sweat an' strain ♪
To get away with defying Mom,
Frank had to work double-duty,
still executing all her heinous chores
and then secretly slipping away
to build sets with Wendi.
♪ An' you land in jaaaaiiiil... ♪
[Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" plays]
♪
What's up? Besides us.
- Ha!
- No horseplay! I'm on a ladder.
Where did you get the scissor lift?
If I tell you, everyone gets one,
then they're not cool anymore.
That looks like pretty grim work.
It's not bad, except for
the baby bird skeletons,
but I get the satisfaction
of helping Mom.
More satisfaction than helping
those girls from the play
who are your own age
and not related to you?
Entertainment folk with their
free and easy ways...
Nobody's "free and easy."
They're nice girls who
just want to play soccer.
- ["Love Theme from The Godfather" plays]
- How about I take over here for you
so you can go hang out
with your show folk?
Then one day, you can do a favor for me.
♪
Okay.
But if isn't done to perfection,
Mom'll know it wasn't me.
Relax, I'll do it exactly like someone
who is weirdly obsessed with
the approval of his mother.
You better.
[Brakes squeal]
["Drunken Sailor" plays]
[Tires squeal]
[Door closes]
Where'd that thing come from?
I know a guy who knows a guy.
In court they're called accomplices.
Get down from there.
You and I are going for seafood.
Hey, you know that favor you owe me?
I need it right now, and fast.
You think something like this
is a harmless prank,
but folks have gone to jail for less.
- I don't want to go to jail.
- No, you don't.
There are much better ways
to see Johnny Cash for free.
But maybe if you and I go in the
restaurant and you apologize,
we can smooth this over.
Okay.
But what am I apologizing for?
Seriously?
You're gonna sit there and deny
that you stole that?
Stole what?
["Drunken Sailor" plays]
That wasn't there before.
[Tires squeal]
♪
Let's go. Come on.
Just point it at the backdrop and...
[Button clicks, projector whirring]
WENDI: Wow! So pretty, Frank.
You're an artist.
Is that somebody surfing
on the Mississippi River?
Oh, I shot this at Zuma Beach.
We can splice that out.
You should be really proud.
I mean, you built a really great set.
And more importantly,
got Melissa to stop yapping
about her bake sale.
I'm selling cupcakes in the lobby.
I don't care what anybody says.
- Places for dress rehearsal!
- [Piano plays]
♪ Only make believe I love you... ♪
♪ Only make believe ♪
♪ That you love me ♪
- [Horn blowing]
- TOGETHER: ♪ Others find peace of mind ♪
- ♪ In pretending... ♪
- [Applause, scattered cheers]
TIMMY: ♪ Couldn't you? ♪
MAGNOLIA: ♪ Couldn't I? ♪
TOGETHER: ♪ Couldn't we... ♪
- ♪ Make... ♪
- There I was, singing my guts out,
and all anyone was looking at
was Frank's stupid boat.
[Crowd chanting]: Frank!
My pride kept me
from caring what they thought...
- or it would have if I had any.
- Forward roll!
[Chanting continues]
[Cheers]
Look, all I'm asking is you tone
down the effects tomorrow night
so the audience notices I'm there.
Actors, they always think
they're the ones
people come to see,
but the star tonight was my set.
And me! I play the boat!
Okay, the stage crew
liked it, sure, but tomorrow
is a paying audience of
soccer team boosters...
a more sophisticated, European crowd.
I'm not changing a thing.
It's called "Show Boat," not Show Timmy.
Frank had gotten his first
taste of that fleeting,
shallow showbiz glory
that feels so much better
than actual love,
but it was supposed to mine.
And in taking it,
he had made a powerful enemy.
Hey, Dad, why don't you
get out that projector
and show us those home movies
you took at the air show?
Outstanding idea.
- Mm-hmm.
- Buckle up, kids.
Tonight we are soaring
with the Blue Angels!
[Laughs]
His air show movies?
Really? Why would you do that to us?
I'll have to find my glasses
with the fake open eyes.
We all agreed we'd only let him
show those on Father's Day
and only if we forgot to get him a card.
And ever since we made that rule,
we have never forgotten the card.
Oh, come on. Those movies aren't so bad,
and it makes your dad happy
when we watch 'em together.
- I'll be in the kitchen.
- MIKE: Peg!
My Bell and Howell projector is gone!
Well, things have a way of
disappearing around this house.
I can't keep a bra catalogue!
Your projector is missing?
- I don't know.
- That's strange.
I might know who had something
to do with this.
Joey!
You know anything about
my missing projector?
No, Pop, but I can ask
Mousey and Ray-Ray
- to check the word on the street.
- Or maybe I can call the police
and have them search the premises,
including a certain, uh, tree house.
You don't have to call the police.
- I took your projector.
- You took it?
I'm using it for special effects
in "Show Boat."
Oh, maybe we should've
taken you to the doctor
when you failed that hearing
test at school and they said
it might be something serious,
because I specifically told you
- not to work on "Show Boat."
- I know, but I-I...
I like it. I'm good at it,
and it makes me happy.
Is that the groovy, new trend now?
Everyone doing things that
they're good at and being happy?
Plus the people there
show me appreciation,
which never happens around here.
Hey, pal, your appreciation is
that we haven't sold you to the Gypsies.
Yeah, I'm starting to wonder
what's really going on...
if this sudden interest in theater
is really an interest in those girls?
- What?!
- Mm-hmm.
[Scoffs]
No! Wh-What's going on here
is you can't stand me doing
something away from you
that isn't under your thumb!
I'm just trying to protect you
from making a fool of yourself.
The only thing you're protecting me from
is having my own life
because it means maybe someday
I won't be at your beck and call!
You're so afraid to go out
in the world and do things,
you just want the rest of us to be
as afraid of the world as you are.
- Hey, knock it off!
- Well, I'm not afraid!
And I'm not afraid of you.
I'm still scared of you, Mom.
Thank you, William.
You always know just what to say.
Once the idea
of watching air show movies
got into his head,
my dad couldn't sleep.
And he wasn't about to let the
lack of a projector stop him.
Ooh, delta formation.
Such precision.
Whoa, they're flying backwards.
There you go.
[Thud in distance]
[Dog barking in distance]
["Drunken Sailor" plays]
Ahoy, buttheads. King crabs,
straight from Seafood Fart.
Seriously bummed to see that "O" back.
Pull up the ladder in case of visitors.
My brother Pat climbs in his sleep.
One of the crabs got away from me
when I was locking up my bike.
They trick you by running sideways.
- [Door closes]
- Wow. These are almost as nice
- as the crabs I got from your sister.
- [Laughter]
- I don't have a sister.
- You have any girl cousins?
- Yeah.
- Then it works.
- [Laughter]
- Where were we? Oh, yeah,
I believe this is mine.
Again? Seriously?
Oh, you'll have a chance to win it back.
- Five card stud.
- Look what I found in my tree...
some delinquent Keebler Elves.
Dad, you can't just barge in
on a man's tree house.
I could've legally shot you.
[Grunts] My tree, my rules.
- Hi, Mr. Cleary.
- Stay for a while, son.
I'm hurt you didn't invite me
to your party.
You'll note mine's a cream soda.
I-I was planning on doing some
scissor lifting later.
You do realize gambling's
illegal in this state?
T-True, but we're 14 feet
off the ground,
so technically,
we're subject to astronaut law.
DAVEY: We don't always play
for money, Mr. Cleary.
A lot of the times,
Joey forgives our debts
if we're able to offer him a favor.
I got him that scissor lift
from my dad's job site.
Mm. Looks like you called in
a lot of favors.
I see radial tires, olive oil,
a wiggling sack of something.
As a responsible father,
there's only one way
for me to handle this.
Deal me in.
[Chuckles]
DAVEY: Uh...
♪
Here's a little something
I call the "Cleary"
because it's a...
full house.
Poor me with only two pair...
of the same thing.
- ["Drunken Sailor" plays]
- That's better, isn't it?
[Laughs]
This feels like a good stopping point.
- Because you have all the money!
- [Laughing] Yeah!
I mean, you're not seriously keeping it?
Uh, uh, your goal was to teach
me a lesson, right?
Yeah, I like to get paid for my lessons.
I won this by cheating fair and square.
You cheated?
Yeah. [Chuckles]
But it's okay,
because we're under astronaut law.
- [Switch engages]
- T-minus 10... 9...
8... 7...
It was finally show night.
A battle royale between me
and a cardboard boat.
Fortunately, I had a secret
weapon up my sleeve.
[Lighter clicking]
- Timmy, I need to talk to you.
- Uh, s-s-sure... sure.
I guess Mom isn't coming tonight
because of our fight.
Sorry about that. I know how her
approval means a lot to you.
I think I understand now
what it's like for you,
doing something that inspires you
while other people crap on it
and try to hold you back.
Other people like me.
You have been
one of my harshest critics.
You and that smug second grader
who writes those reviews
for the school paper.
Well, she's a hack.
Good luck tonight.
Frank.
I asked Dad to show us
his home movies last night
so Mom would find out and stop
you from doing the show.
I was jealous of your set
for upstaging me.
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
If you hadn't done that, I might
never have stood up to Mom.
I can't believe you were jealous.
No one's ever been jealous of me before.
Except for Mrs. Strausser,
who raves about my skin.
I'm not proud of what I did, Frank.
Mostly because it didn't work.
[Both laugh]
Seriously, I wish it had
worked. I hated that damn boat.
♪ Ol' man river ♪
♪ Dat ol' man river ♪
- [Horn blowing]
- ♪ He mus' know sumpin' ♪
♪ But don't say nuthin' ♪
- ♪ He jes' keeps rollin' along ♪
- Dr. King did not march for this.
Just picture those shin guards.
[Applause, cheering]
[Door closes]
♪
I brought Dad's projector back.
Didn't go to the cast party
with your new theater friends?
Meeting up in some coffee house,
wear berets, and play bongos?
They're mostly just a soccer team.
We had orange slices at intermission.
I brought you this.
A program from the show.
They put my name in there.
Some of what you said last night...
might be true.
About me sometimes holding you back.
Then again, it's only natural.
Every parent wants their
children to end up
just a little less happy than they are.
I'm not sure that's universal, Mom.
What do I know?
I grew up in a different time.
Expectations for girls
weren't set that high.
And I met your father, and then
along came all you kids.
Eight needy nails in my
hopes and dreams coffin.
But I guess I could try to be
a little bit more encouraging.
Let you boys march out into the world
with sky-high expectations.
And if they don't work out,
I'll be here for you.
To come crawling back to.
To tell me I was right.
Or if they do work out,
we can come back to say thank you.
I love you, Mom.
[Scoffing]
That word.
You're probably starving.
I'm gonna heat you up
a Hungry-Man dinner.
It's a new one... Mexican enchiladas.
- Hey, you see that one?
- Sure.
X-27 Lancer.
Any idea how many Gs
that baby's pulling?
I don't know. 3?
A million?
What's this nonsense?
Barry's Barnstormers
was supposed to be up next.
These look like the movies that
William took of Timmy's show.
Geez Louise, this looks amazing!
It's not the "Crowned Clowns
of the Air," but... not bad.
Well, we all knew Timmy
had a dose of creativity,
but it looks like we have a second son
- with a budding talent.
- Huh.
I'm thinking William could
really be a filmmaker one day.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com