The Jetsons (1962–1963): Season 3, Episode 2 - ASTROnomical I.Q - full transcript

[theme music]

[music continues]

Meet George Jetson

His boy Elroy

Daughter Judy

Jane his wife

[music continues]

(Elroy)
'Hey, Judy, I need
to borrow one of your'

'laser optic-tronic
hair curlers.'

Hmm, let me guess.

You need it to curl another one
of your hairy inventions.



You got it.

My scientific triumph,
Evolutia.

An invention that's
a true experience.

Well, it can't be as bad
as the experience I had

with the automatic makeup
applicator you invented for me.

Look!

Hmm, just needs
some fine-tuning.

I'll get to it after
I finish inventing Evolutia.

Why? What's it do?

Invent a better
inventor than you?

Evolutia will adjust
my brain ahead

in terms of human evolution.

Hah! I'll settle for it
adjusting your brain ahead

enough for you to remember
to return my curler.



He he he.

Go on, laugh.

But wait till you see
how brilliant I am

on my, ahem,
makeup test tomorrow.

Did you say makeup?

[laughing]

splat

clang

crash

thud

[instrumental music]

[clattering]

- Hi, Rosie.
- Hi, Roy Boy.

creak

crash

Aarghh!

Let's see.

Crater sonic
scrunscer valve is open.

Electrochemical fiberistic
lasers are tetrovated.

And the curler goes...here.

Retch, play retch.

Not now, boy,
I'm busy.

Hmmm, maybe I need
a test subject first.

Oh, Judy!

You wanna come in
and try somethin' for me?

(Judy)
'Not a chance.'

Rosie, good old Rosie.
Always my pal.

What is it, Roy Boy?

Wanna try somethin'
that'll make you smarter?

Thanks, but I'm already
smart enough to stay away

from that thing.

Hmm, why not?

Wow, it works!

(Elroy)
'Incredible! It must
be way into the future.'

Maybe, a hundred years.

Uh-uh.

More?
A thousand years?

Uh-uh!

More than that?

Uh-huh.

Ten thousand years?
Oh, my god, it even thinks!

Boy, will I ever pass
that test tomorrow!

Hey, put me down!

Slurp slurp

Hmmm, it looked
better advanced a little.

Well, I guess I'm ready
to take the big step myself.

Play retch?

Oh, come on, Astro.
I told ya, not now.

'I'm on to somethin'
real big here.'

snap

Relp!

[gurgling]

Oh, no!
He's evolved back in time.

He's prehistoric.

Oh, Astro, I-I just gotta
get you back to normal.

[grunts]
This dumb joystick is stuck.

boom

Well, that's the end
of that invention.

Good thing I got you back
to normal before it broke.

(George)
'Hi, everybody, I'm home!'

Come on, Astro.

(Elroy)
'Hi, dad.'

Hi, daddy.
Did you have a good day?

Yeah, but I worked
over an hour-and-a-half.

Spacely doesn't give a hoot

about abiding by
the five-hour work week laws.

He's a slave driver.

Jetson, this is your
slave driver calling.

We've got an emergency

on our new sprocket cookie
assembly line.

No problem, boss.
Count on me.

Nothing's too big or too small
for George Jetson to solve.

Good.
The thermodynamic electrons

in the cyclothermic
gas mixture

is creating
a counterforce ratio.

And no one knows what the
hyperkinetic balance quotient

should be.

Uh...huh?

Yuck!

And they taste terrible.

Jetson, I want you
to get down here

immediately with the answer.

boink

Boy, oh, boy,
I might have an answer

if I only understood
the question.

(male #1)
'Readjust the cyclothermic
gas mixture to 99.3'

'and it will work perfectly.'

Elroy, you know this is much
too advanced even for you.

I didn't say anything, dad.

- Don't look at me, George.
- Not me, daddy.

It was I who spoke.

You most assuredly will find

that what I said
was perfectly correct.

Astro, you've turned
into a super genius!

Genius? Hah!

I now have an IQ of 4237.

So, you see, dear boy,
I'm not as dim-witted as that.

- Astro, you're sensational.
- He's wonderful.

Jumpin' Jupiter!
Astro got it right.

And that's the toughest problem
in all of hyper-liquid algebra.

Elementary, Elroy.
Not the least bit challenging.

Astro, are you sure
you know what you're doing

With Rosie's controls?

It's a simple procedure,
but you must realize

any improvements I make
are severely limited

by the fact that this robot
was originally engineered by..

...uh, excuse the expression,
human minds.

Here. In spite
of the basic design limitations

she'll operate
more efficiently.

(Jane)
'Remarkable!'

'She'll get a month's work
done in five minutes.'

Hey, this is incredible.

Do you realize Astro
is the world's smartest dog?

You mean world's
smartest super brain.

World's smartest? Please.

Galaxy's smartest,
by a scant 3800 IQ points.

(Elroy)
'What's that
you're watching, Astro?'

Just absorbing the entire
content of the main library

of intergalactic knowledge
at high speed.

You mean your brain is taking
in the entire encyclopedia

and things like
that in seconds?

Hmm. A through N
took me two seconds

but M through Z was faster.

Now, that's a good doggie.

Say, Astro, uh,
how's about us going

to the park
so you can play fetch?

Boring. That kind of thing
just somehow doesn't appeal

to me anymore.

Yeah, uh, sure, Astro.
I understand.

(George)
'Astro has better things to do.'

Really, you don't need me.

I can just jot down
the answer for you.

And get cheated out of showing
off my super genius bow-wow?

Not a chance.

I washed all the windows,
scrubbed the bathrooms

made the beds

and done all my works
for the next three years.

[groaning]

thud

Pity. They just can't build
them well enough to keep up

with advanced technology.

whoosh

Now, this is what I call zip.

What did you do
to that jet car, Astro?

Just a simple camerational
adjustment at the thrometers.

(Astro)
'No, no, no!'

At this increased velocity

you've got to brake
7.84 seconds earlier.

[sighing]

Well, I can improve the car,
but not the driver.

crash

[glass clinking]

I'm sorry, Mr. Spacely.

Jetson, you maniac,
you're fired!

Yes, sir, but you should know
I've solved

the cookie production problem
you mentioned.

You have? Uh, perhaps,
I was a little hasty.

Well, it's not
really my solution.

My dog gave it me.
Tell him, Astro.

Go ahead, boy,
tell him.

[panting]

[barks]

Is this your idea
of a joke, Jetson?

Just get in..

aah-choo

Just get into that plant
and fix that thing, Jetson.

Your..

ahh-choo

Please, Astro.
Count to ten backwards maybe?

Oh, come on, boy.

Uh, would you settle for just
shaking hands or rolling over--

(Spacely)
'Jetson!'

e-ee-yahh-choo

crash

Why, Astro?

Why'd you have to make me
look like I'm crazy?

Can't you see?
A pea-brain like Spacely

could never absorb the idea
of a superintelligent dog.

No telling how he might react.

Uh, I suppose you're right,
about being a pea-brain, I mean.

Yuck! These cookies taste
worst than Spacely said.

Hmm, it's exactly
what I said it was.

If I adjust the hydrothematic
set screw control to 99.3

that will do it.

Jetson, you've done it.
You're a positive genius!

And, uh, I'm sorry I was
short with you back there.

[spits]

I think you
should have a raise.

ah-choo

Um, and a big new
responsibility.

(Spacely)
'From now on,
you're my second assistant'

'to the supervising
vice president'

'in charge of every control
device in the place.'

Second assistant
to the superintending

vice president?
I'm overwhelmed!

You got the right man,
Mr. Spacely.

And believe me,
you won't regret it.

Good then.

ee ah-choo

Oh, and George,
I've figured out

what's causing
all the sneezing.

I'm allergic
to that mutt of yours.

Now get him out of here!

Get him out?

B-b-but Mr. Spacely,
I mustn't, I-I can't.

I want that dog
out of here now!

Astro, will you show him
you're not just a dumb dog?

Please, Astro,
show him!

[Astro barking]

[sneezing]

slurp slurp slurp

Jetson!

ahh-choo

[instrumental music]

[clattering]

boom

[growling]
Jetson!

[clattering]

(Spacely)
'And stay out!
You're fired!'

You know, another
thing about you humans

that's at a truly
primitive level

is job security.

(George)
'Oh, well, one nice thing
about not havin' a car'

you get to walk a lot more.

Astro, here, boy.
Astro!

Where did that dog go?

Come on, Astro,
we don't have time for that.

Now, there's a game player
if I ever saw one.

Yes, he may be a dog,
but he's--

How about it, sport? Wanna try
some of the other games?

Me? Nah, afraid
we don't have time.

Solving the magic cube shows
you have superior mentality.

But are you ready
for Chess-O-Matic?

I developed
Chess-O-Matic myself.

The world's first
absolutely unbeatable

computer chess player.

Unbeatable, hah!
Complete junk.

Yes, sir, Chess-O-Matic
has made Swifty's Game Shops

a galaxy-wide operation
with 287 outlets.

Nobody can beat it,
but they love to try.

For a little wager, of course.

Go ahead. Do what I tell you
and we'll make that thing

look dumber
than a dime store gum machine.

Well, we're gonna
need the money alright.

Okay, I'll give it a whirl.

That's a sport!
Let's bet, say, five dollars.

You do have a bank card,
don't you?

Let's say ten dollars.

Boy, there's one
born every minute.

Your move, sport.

Move your rook to level three
and take his knight.

'That's it.
Now, move your queen.'

Yes, sirree! Nobody..

Hey, what's going on?

[automated message]
Checkmate.

Player wins.

I guess you owe me
ten dollars...sport.

Oh, yeah? Well,
I don't know what went wrong

but I know you can't
beat it again.

- It's impossible.
- 50 bucks says I can.

(Swifty)
'You're on.'

Checkmate! I win again.

The odds on your winning
again are a zillion to one.

Wanna try, sport?

Nice, shop.

What do you say you put it up
along with the other 287?

That's everything I own.
And what do you put up?

Well, fair's fair,
everything I own.

(George)
'My apartment,
my bank account, everything.'

Okay, you're on.

Oh, and by the way,
get that dog out of here.

Can't you see the sign?

Don't sweat it. Just
watch me through the window

and I'll give you
all the right signals.

[intense music]

And my bishop moves forward..

(George)
'Uh, I mean
my bishop moves left.'

And for my final move..

[gasps]
Oh, no!

[buzzing]

Huh! And to think I once
enjoyed this kind of company.

(Astro)
34-14-29..

[dogs barking]

Goodbye and good luck!

Poor, poor, dumb things.

What you mean we have
no car and no place to live?

Dad, what happened to Astro?

Can you hold it down a little?

I'm watching
my favorite game show.

No job, no hope, nothing.

And it was all Astro's fault.

That's the last time
I will ever travel coach class.

Why's everybody looking so glum?

Glum? Hah!

Why should our total ruin
make us glum, Astro?

Astro, you're alright!

I'm more than capable of taking
care of myself, dear boy.

Wanna go for a walk?

Frankly, I couldn't think
of anything more boring.

I feel like..

...like I've lost
my best friend.

And I feel like
I've lost Rosie

who is flat on her back for six
months with exhausted circuits.

To tell you the truth, Astro,
you're no fun for me anymore.

I'd have more fun with
the big furry computer chip.

I know that, Elroy.
It's just the way things are.

I know how much trouble
I've caused all of you.

And you know
how bored I've been.

So there's one only thing to do.

I'm applying
to the Saturn campus

of Oxford University
for a full professorship.

I'll be leaving immediately.

You leave for Saturn?

Astro, there's
no need for that.

You can't go, Astro.

[man on TV]
'So this is your fun-filled
host, Wink Martiandale'

'saying so long
from Brainbusters!'

Tune in tomorrow
when some lucky contestant

might just win
a Winky million dollars.

[audience applauding]

That's it! With Astro
supplying the answers

we could enough
to buy back our apartment.

- And a new car!
- And everything else.

Will you do it, Astro?

I suppose I owe it you.

But then,
it's definitely goodbye.

So, let's give a big welcome
to our first contestant

Mr. George Jetson.

[audience cheering]

And he wants to have
his bow-wow with him for luck.

Isn't that cute, folks?

[audience cheering]

Good luck, daddy.

You can do it, George!
Oh, uh, I mean, Astro.

I don't want you to go, Astro.

And now it's time
for our contestant

to enter the Brainbuster booth.

(Wink)
'Can you hear me, George?'

Yeah, I can hear you, Wink.

Ooh, but you'll wish you
couldn't when you hear how hard

the first question is.

Aren't we devils?

[audience cheering]

And now, for one quarter
of a million Winky dollars..

Calm down. Just say
exactly what I tell you

and it'll be fine.

Got it,
exactly what you say.

Using the Fleederman theory
of light ray refraction

how long would it take
a spaceship to reach

the eighth moon on the far side
of the Planet Krell.

Maybe, he should've
brought along a rabbit's foot

instead of his good luck doggie,
huh, folks?

[audience laughing]

[whispering]

Exactly 3 hours, 26 minutes,
and 47.5 seconds.

Wha-what..
That's absolutely correct!

[audience applauding]

He got it! I didn't think
it was humanly possible!

It wasn't,
it was dogly possible.

Just think! Everyone
in the galaxy is watching

our George and our Astro.

Isn't Wink Martiandale
an absolute doll?

We had some great
old times, Astro.

[sniffling]

I'm gonna miss you, boy.

That's correct again for
one-half million Winky dollars.

[audience applauding]

Now, George, do you wanna quit,
or go for the full million?

Wink, we Jetsons
have never been quitters.

The plant!
It's changed back to normal.

That means Astro is gonna
change back, too.

Whoopiee!

Here's your one million
dollar question.

'What is the exact chemical
composition of the Planet Krell'

'in the Googula Galaxy?'

[whispering]

The chemical formula
is .3275 times the square root..

[barking]

What was that?
I didn't get that answer.

- What's wrong, Astro?
- I ron't row.

I'm sorry, but
that answer is incorrect.

But you can still win half
a Winky million by answering

this last question.

What's the matter with daddy?
Is he putting us on?

Sound like what he ought
to put on is a flea collar.

Attaboy, Astro,
change back to normal!

Name the asteroid which fell
onto the planet Saturn

on the morning of June,
the 6th, in the year 2012?

Come on, Astro boy,
what's the answer?

slurp

[Astro howling on TV]

[howling continues]

[cheering]

Astro, you're my
wonderful doggie again!

[Wink]
'I'm sorry, but you've
lost everything, Mr. Jetson.'

Relroy!

Astro! Good to have you
back to your old self!

Sure. What's losin'
a million dollars

compared to having
him drool like he used to?

[doorbell ringing]

The door, that must
be the new owners.

Yeah, I guess
it's goodbye apartment

goodbye everything.

Jetson, you're a genius.

Mr. Spacely.

Now, Mr. Spacely,
don't yell at me anymore.

I've lost everything, and
I don't need any more bashing.

Bashing?

George, I'm not here
to bash you.

I'm here to see if
you'll come back to work

in the Spacely
Sprocket Cookie Division.

But Mr. Spacely,
they tasted terrible.

Were you somehow
able to improve them?

No, they still taste
terrible...to humans.

But to dogs,
they're sensational.

Well, I'll be darned!
But why do you want me back?

'Cause I saw you on
the Wink Martiandale Show.

And nobody could possibly
know my new product like you.

You'll be perfect
for Spacely Dog Cookies, Jetson.

(Spacely)
'You think like a dog.'

But I haven't got a car.

I'll give you a company car.

And I don't have an apartment,
we're losing this one.

I'll buy it back for ya.
Anything. Just say yes.

I accept.

Oh, but I must have
a technical advisor.

Huh? Who?

Astro.

ah-ah..

Why? What do you need..

ah-choo

What do you need him fo-for..

What do you need..

ah-choo

Is he something special?

ahh-choo

No, thank heaven, he's just
a plain old ordinary dog.

[Astro howling]

[theme music]