The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 6, Episode 24 - Once Upon a Time - full transcript
George tells baby Jessica a bedtime story, and all is transformed into the fantastic medieval Empire of Jefferson, where King George suits up for a battle royale against the Dark Knight Inflation, and the fate of the entire empire hangs in the balance. Ge
♪ Well, we're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky
♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie
♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen
♪ Beans don't burn
on the grill
♪ Took a whole lot of tryin'
♪ Just to get up that hill
♪ Now we're up
in the big leagues
♪ Gettin' our turn at bat
♪ As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby
♪ There ain't nothin' wrong
with that
♪ We're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky
♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪
Uh, 655 plus
1,298
times 42
minus 35, divided by 7,
equals...
Huh.
11,713.
Just what I thought.
Are you sure
you can't come to the play
with us tonight, George?
It might help
take your mind
off business.
Forget it, Weezy.
If these figures get any worse,
I'm gonna be getting
sympathy notes
from my accountant.
Aren't you overreacting?
Why, last week you said
profits were up 15%.
Yeah, I know. That's 'cause
I raised my prices 15%.
But in the meantime,
advertising went up 22%,
equipment went up 32%,
and the price on labor put
my adding machine on tilt.
Look, George, you are not alone.
Inflation is taking a bite
out of everyone these days.
Inflation ain't
biting me, Weezy.
It took me home in a doggie bag.
Well, hello, Mr. J.
I'm returning the oranges
I borrowed last week.
You better return them.
Oranges are expensive.
It is time you learned
they don't grow on trees.
They don't?
Oh, Mrs. J, don't you
look lovely tonight.
Are you planning
an evening on the town?
Well, we were going
to see a play.
Yeah, Knights Of The Longbow.
But George can't go.
He's expecting
a business call.
Oh, how cheese, Mr. J.
Knights Of The Longbow
is one of my favorite
kind of stories, too.
Ah, you're a connoisseur
of the medieval, eh?
No, I just like stories
with knights in 'em.
You know,
when I was a kid,
one of our only books was
a story about King Arthur.
Every rainy day,
I used to read it
from cover to cover.
I always wondered what I'd be
if I was born back then.
Dead, most likely.
You know,
there's some nobility
in my family tree.
Now, you take
my Great-Uncle Claude...
No, you take
your Great-Uncle Claude home.
George, why do you
always do that
to Mr. Bentley?
'Cause he's a fool.
No, he isn't.
Sure he is.
He still comes back,
don't he?
See, there he is.
Oh...
Now what... Oh, hi.
Oh, hello, George.
Oh, hi, everybody.
Come on in.
Hi.
We have to hurry, Louise.
Ralph is downstairs
holding a cab for us.
Yeah, and you know Ralph.
After 8:00, you gotta
tip him time and a half.
And how's my little
granddaughter?
Dry, for a change.
George, you better
get changed. The curtain
goes up in 45 minutes.
I'm not going.
I gave my ticket
to Florence.
Oh, then who's gonna
watch Jessica?
I will. I gotta wait
for a call from my banker.
Something wrong, Pop?
Well, inflation is hitting
your father kind of hard.
And he's afraid
if he doesn't get a loan,
he might have to sell
his cleaning stores.
Oh, no.
That's right.
And it's all
Lionel's fault.
My fault?
That's right.
'Cause if you'd come
into business with me
instead of being an engineer,
I wouldn't be suffering
like this.
What do you mean?
We'd be suffering together.
Well, if worse comes to worst,
there are other places
you can go.
Yeah, skid row.
I mean, I'm sure
there are a lot of companies
that would hire a man
with your business experience.
Yeah.
Well, take my company,
for instance.
Me, work for you?
That's like Roy Rogers
workin' for Trigger.
Besides, Willis,
I've been my own boss
too long
to start takin' orders
from somebody else.
Oh, look,
if inflation's
the problem,
maybe what you should do
is start cutting back.
Hey, you know,
that's a good idea.
Weezy, what do we got
laying around here
that we don't really need?
Well, I'm ready.
Aha!
George!
Just a thought, Weez.
Hey, we better get going.
Yeah. You sure
you're okay, Pop?
Oh, I'm fine.
Look, just go
enjoy the play.
Don't worry about me.
Then you'll be okay
with Jessica?
Of course.
I can do anything Florence
could do. Only faster.
Jessica's already been fed,
but if she should wake up,
just tell her a story
and she'll go back to sleep.
Oh, just the sound
of my voice will do it?
Sure. It's been
putting me to sleep
for the past five years.
We'll be back
as soon as we can, George.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
See you.
Bye!
Have a nice time.
Enjoy the show.
Be good, Jessica.
See you later.
- I'll be fine.
- All right.
Sure, desert me
in my hour of need.
Yeah, I know how you feel.
Shh.
What's the matter,
are you sleepy?
I'll tell you a story, okay?
Okay? Shh.
Okay. Once upon a time,
there was this king
named Arthur.
And he use to hang around
with these bunch of dudes
called the Knights
of the Round Table.
Now, one day...
Oh, you don't wanna
hear that story.
That's a fairy tale.
How about a real story? Okay?
Come on over here.
Okay.
Now, once upon a time,
there was this rich,
powerful king named George.
Now, King George ruled
over the Jefferson Empire,
which spread far and wide,
seven locations
throughout the city.
One near you.
Anyway, King George
had everything he wanted,
everything a king could ask for.
He was happy, he was satisfied,
and most important of all,
he was rich!
Okay, now, this room looks fine,
but I want a whole new floor
put in that entryway.
And tell 'em this time
I want it made
out of solid gold.
This silver shows up
all the dirty heel-marks.
Yes, sire.
Now, there's something else
that's not right
with this place.
Hey, Weezy!
Yes, my lord?
Don't you think
this castle is getting
too small for us?
Too small?
Why, yes.
Why, just this morning,
I was touring the west wing
and I got back here before dark.
The horse was going
at full gallop, too.
Well, you've got to admit,
we are better off now
than when we lived
back in the Land of Harlem.
Of course.
Remember how poor we were?
Oh, yes. We were so poor,
even our roaches
were starving to death.
But that's all behind us now.
Let's feast to celebrate.
Good idea.
Bring in the maid in waiting.
George, why do you
call Florence
the maid in waiting?
'Cause I've been waiting
for her to act like a maid
ever since she been here.
Well, Florence,
what delicious masterpiece
have you prepared for us
this time?
Well, for you, my queen,
I have garden-fresh
vegetables,
pheasant and
your very favorite
imported wine.
Oh, hey, well, all right.
Uh-uh.
I said, for my queen.
You got pantyhose on
under that robe
or something?
What about my meal?
Oh, yeah. Would you prefer
regular oatmeal or instant?
Guards!
George, she was only kidding.
Weezy, mouthing off
is a capital offense,
and I demand punishment!
Okay, you get no dinner.
Guards! Guards!
Oh, George.
Nail her mouth shut!
Off with her head!
But even though
the king did have to put up
with stupid servants,
he was still happy.
Until, alas, one terrible day...
Announcing the royal scribe,
bearer of news and loose change,
Sir Ralph the Greedy.
So tell me, Sir Ralph,
what good news
do you bring today?
A message
of the gravest concern,
O Rich...
I mean, O Royal Majesty, sire.
Well, read it to me, then.
Yes, sire.
You know, I don't usually like
to carry such important
messages, sire,
but the minute
I heard it was for you,
I rushed it right over here.
Oh, thank you, Sir Ralph.
One sack of gold to you, then.
I thank you, sire.
And it wasn't easy
carrying it either, sire.
I mean, what with
all the cutthroats
and highwaymen about,
I could've been killed
on my way over here.
All right.
Two sacks then.
Not to mention
the fire-breathing dragons,
the evil trolls under bridges,
the cold moats
I had to wade through...
Okay, Ralph,
three sacks and that's it.
Yes, sire.
Here.
Now, who's this message from?
I'm afraid it's from
a new enemy, sire.
He calls himself Inflation.
Inflation?
I've heard of him.
Yes, sire.
And woe is the man
who would challenge him,
for he has been
wreaking havoc throughout
the entire countryside,
devaluing the dollar,
giving rise to
the cost of living.
And, what's worse,
have you seen the size of
the 3 Musketeers bar lately?
Well, what does
a dude like this
want to see me about?
Read me the message.
Yes, sire.
"To King George, former ruler
of the Jefferson Empire."
"Former"?
"This..."
"This is to inform you
that what is now yours
shall soon be mine.
"I am Inflation
and you have been warned,
King George.
"So do not ask
for whom the coin shrinks.
"It shrinks for thee.
"Therefore, you will willingly
surrender your empire
"or watch helplessly
as it comes crumbling down
around you."
As it comes
crumbling down around me?
And so
the evil Inflation
was coming
to take away the empire
King George had worked
so hard to build.
But the king was brave
and wasn't gonna give up
without a fight.
Thrust. Slash.
Head fake. Thrust.
Thrust. Bob, weave, hook.
Slash.
George?
Ahhh!
What are you doing?
What does it look like
I'm doing?
Fighting off senility?
No, I'm fighting off Inflation.
Well, let's face it, Weezy,
I can never beat that guy.
Oh, I'm sure you will, George.
I've got Lionel and Jenny
out there now
watching his every move.
Yeah, but, Weezy, that guy
could wipe out a whole city
just like that.
I'm lucky if I beat Florence
at blackjack.
Well, why don't you ask
the royal bank for the money
to raise an army?
I tried that.
They won't get back to me.
Oh, I'm sure they will, George.
But in the meantime,
I've arranged
for some entertainment.
Oh, no.
Not the Royal Fool!
I just flew in from Camelot,
and, boy, are my arms tired!
My lady fair is so fat,
that when she sits around
the castle,
she sits around the castle.
Hello, King J, Queen J.
What can I do for you?
Well, the king
is a little worried
about Inflation,
so I hope you know
some good jokes
to cheer him up.
Well, King J,
as a matter of fact,
I do know one rather good one.
It was first told to me
by my Great-Uncle Griswold.
So, you see,
it's been around
for some time.
Not Uncle Griswold.
The joke, that is.
Although Uncle Griswold
was with us for quite
some time before he died,
so, of course, he's no longer
with us, but the joke is.
Anyway...
Tell the joke!
Right. Right.
Um, what do you call Inflation
when he battles the king?
I don't know. What?
The winner. The winner.
Guards!
What's the matter, George?
He's supposed
to ease my mind
of Inflation,
not stand there
telling jokes about it.
Oh, King J,
you mustn't let Inflation
worry you so.
I mustn't?
No, no, let me give you
three good pieces of advice,
you see?
Number one,
never fear the unknown.
Yeah?
Number two,
behind every cloud,
there's a silver lining.
Yeah. And what's
the third one?
Uh, never take advice
from a fool.
Guards!
George, calm down.
Calm down?
I ought to have that fool
boiled in oil!
But you can't, George.
This is an even day,
and thou art odd.
Announcing
the good Prince Lionel
and the fair maiden,
Princess Jane,
heirs apparent
to the Jefferson Empire.
Or at least,
what's gonna be left
of the Jefferson Empire.
If there's one thing I hate,
it's smart-aleck trumpeters.
Well, well, well,
if it isn't my faithful son
and daughter-in-law,
back from their scouting trip.
What did you learn
about Inflation?
Oh, Your Majesty, it's terrible.
Half the shopkeepers
are going out of business.
Prices are going up,
the women are haggling
at the checkstands.
Yes, I fear this Inflation
has us all by the gauntlets.
But, Lionel, you'll help me
battle Inflation, won't you?
Aw, come on, Pop.
I don't know nothin'
about ridin' off to battle.
You know, I'm only
a drawbridge designer.
Yeah, what am I supposed to do?
Well, you could
fight him yourself.
Say what?
Have you been smoking
some of that stuff
with the Merry Men again?
I say we should wait
for the royal bank.
They're bound to
get in touch with us
sooner or later.
Oh, Your Majesty,
suppose they don't?
The empire will be
totally defenseless.
She's right, Weez.
Well, truly, George,
you weren't thinking
of facing him alone.
Well...
Facing who?
Inflation.
Inflation?
You're gonna fight Inflation?
What's so funny?
I mean, he's only one man.
Then he's got you
outnumbered already.
Look, you just go
get my suit of armor.
You ain't got no suit of armor.
Then make me one!
And make sure you make it
big enough to cover me
from head to toe.
Oh, all right. There's got
to be an empty soup can
around here somewhere.
Keep an eye on her.
If she tries anything funny,
give her the rack.
What rack?
The rack of lamb
she cooked last week.
It's enough to kill anyone.
George, I just can't believe
you'd risk your life
in a battle with Inflation.
I have to, Weez.
I'm the king.
Well, we could always abdicate.
Aw, come on, Weezy,
I just got dressed.
Announcing
the noble Baron von Day
and his wife,
the Honorable Lady von Night,
rulers of
the Land of the Zebras.
Hello, King.
Greetings, my Queen.
Oh, please rise.
Uh...
What do you two want?
Well, George,
we heard about your problem
and thought we'd try
to help you with Inflation.
Why? Ain't you
inflated enough already?
George, they said
they want to help.
Oh, very well then.
Tell your warriors
to meet me in the courtyard
in 15 minutes.
Oh, but we don't have
any warriors.
What? What kind of help
do you got?
Well, I was thinking, George,
that if Inflation does
take over your empire,
you could always move
to our kingdom.
Yes. We're always looking
for good ex-kings
with your kind of,
uh, experience.
Me, move in with you?
Never!
Oh, well, George, it sounds
like a wonderful idea.
It's a terrible idea!
Weezy, they got a little
tiny castle.
The four of us
could never fit in there.
George, there'll be plenty
of room. As long as you
don't bring your mouth.
Look, Weezy,
they come over here,
they offer to help us, right?
They have no warriors,
no bloodthirsty soldiers,
no swords,
no weapons of torture and pain.
What kind of friends are you?
What we're trying to say
is that it would be
just stupid of you
to risk your life
defending your empire
when you could
move in with us.
And I'm sure you'll just love
our little place, Louise.
We have mountains,
trees, shuffleboard.
So what about it, George?
Is it a deal?
No deal! This is my empire,
and no matter what happens,
Weezy and I will stay here
and defend it
to the last breaths
of our lives. Right, Weez?
Did you say shuffleboard?
Oh, I'm sorry.
George is right.
As rulers of the empire,
it is our duty to stay
and protect it.
Well, okay, George.
Good luck.
But if you need me,
you know how to reach me.
Sure. I'll just run a pack
of donuts up the flagpole.
May the royal laundry
put starch your tights.
Your Majesty, sire!
Great news!
What is it?
I have found you
an Inflation-fighter.
Who? Who is he?
His name is Sir James.
And he has come all the way
across the country
to teach you
how to fight Inflation.
Well, don't just stand there.
Show him in.
Yes, sire.
Show in Sir James!
Announcing Sir James.
You actually pay them for that?
Affirmative action.
So, you are Sir James?
Just call me Jimmy.
We are about to fight Inflation.
You know what happens
if they beat us?
You know what we get?
- Peanuts?
- Oh!
Get out!
Out with you!
But, sire...
Out with you, too!
Right.
Out!
Of course, there will be
a small handling...
Guards!
I know somebody
who's not afraid
of Inflation.
Bring in the fool.
George, what are you gonna do?
Well, Weez,
I'm going to face Inflation
man-to-man.
And then what?
Then I'll just do
what any other king would do
in this situation.
I'll try to bribe him.
But...
That was no lady,
that was my gargoyle.
Yes, King J?
Ready me
two of my fastest horses.
I want you to be my scout.
Oh, we're going camping.
No!
He's coming! He's coming!
Run for your lives! Hurry!
Inflation?
Yes!
Come on, Pop,
I'll help you
barricade the door.
Okay, everybody get to safety.
Fool!
Yes, sire?
You lead the women.
Lead the women? Right.
♪ Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream ♪
Oh, never mind.
Lionel, get the women
out of here.
Sire, you just received
a message from the royal bank.
I did? What did they say?
Word for word?
Yes!
I asked for their help.
I want to know what they said.
"Sitteth on thy scepter."
There'll be no charge
for that, sire.
It's him! My sword!
Where's my sword?
Okay, come on, Inflation!
Show me what you got!
That much, huh?
Thy kingdom is mine,
George Jefferson.
Be gone before I strip
the very clothes
from thy back.
But this is my empire!
This was your empire!
Now it's mine!
No! No!
Mine! Mine!
Mine! Mine!
No! No!
Oh, don't go away.
Hello, Jefferson Empire.
I mean, Jefferson residence.
What? You're kidding?
I got the credit?
Oh, wow, that's great!
Well, all right!
Okay, thank you, thank you!
I got it! I got the credit!
I got it!
You hear that?
I got it, I got it.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Not that I was worried,
you understand.
Anyway, well, I guess you know
the rest of the story.
King George got mad,
beat up Inflation,
and threw him out
with his bare hands.
So he never bothered
the empire again.
And you wanna know why?
Because King George was
strong, mighty,
and he wasn't scared of nothin'.
So how's that?
Okay, okay.
I'll tell you
a regular story.
Once upon a time,
there were three bears.
Mama Bear, Papa Bear,
and a big, fat polar bear
named Willis.
♪ Movin', movin' on up ♪
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky
♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie
♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen
♪ Beans don't burn
on the grill
♪ Took a whole lot of tryin'
♪ Just to get up that hill
♪ Now we're up
in the big leagues
♪ Gettin' our turn at bat
♪ As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby
♪ There ain't nothin' wrong
with that
♪ We're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky
♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up
♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up
♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪
Uh, 655 plus
1,298
times 42
minus 35, divided by 7,
equals...
Huh.
11,713.
Just what I thought.
Are you sure
you can't come to the play
with us tonight, George?
It might help
take your mind
off business.
Forget it, Weezy.
If these figures get any worse,
I'm gonna be getting
sympathy notes
from my accountant.
Aren't you overreacting?
Why, last week you said
profits were up 15%.
Yeah, I know. That's 'cause
I raised my prices 15%.
But in the meantime,
advertising went up 22%,
equipment went up 32%,
and the price on labor put
my adding machine on tilt.
Look, George, you are not alone.
Inflation is taking a bite
out of everyone these days.
Inflation ain't
biting me, Weezy.
It took me home in a doggie bag.
Well, hello, Mr. J.
I'm returning the oranges
I borrowed last week.
You better return them.
Oranges are expensive.
It is time you learned
they don't grow on trees.
They don't?
Oh, Mrs. J, don't you
look lovely tonight.
Are you planning
an evening on the town?
Well, we were going
to see a play.
Yeah, Knights Of The Longbow.
But George can't go.
He's expecting
a business call.
Oh, how cheese, Mr. J.
Knights Of The Longbow
is one of my favorite
kind of stories, too.
Ah, you're a connoisseur
of the medieval, eh?
No, I just like stories
with knights in 'em.
You know,
when I was a kid,
one of our only books was
a story about King Arthur.
Every rainy day,
I used to read it
from cover to cover.
I always wondered what I'd be
if I was born back then.
Dead, most likely.
You know,
there's some nobility
in my family tree.
Now, you take
my Great-Uncle Claude...
No, you take
your Great-Uncle Claude home.
George, why do you
always do that
to Mr. Bentley?
'Cause he's a fool.
No, he isn't.
Sure he is.
He still comes back,
don't he?
See, there he is.
Oh...
Now what... Oh, hi.
Oh, hello, George.
Oh, hi, everybody.
Come on in.
Hi.
We have to hurry, Louise.
Ralph is downstairs
holding a cab for us.
Yeah, and you know Ralph.
After 8:00, you gotta
tip him time and a half.
And how's my little
granddaughter?
Dry, for a change.
George, you better
get changed. The curtain
goes up in 45 minutes.
I'm not going.
I gave my ticket
to Florence.
Oh, then who's gonna
watch Jessica?
I will. I gotta wait
for a call from my banker.
Something wrong, Pop?
Well, inflation is hitting
your father kind of hard.
And he's afraid
if he doesn't get a loan,
he might have to sell
his cleaning stores.
Oh, no.
That's right.
And it's all
Lionel's fault.
My fault?
That's right.
'Cause if you'd come
into business with me
instead of being an engineer,
I wouldn't be suffering
like this.
What do you mean?
We'd be suffering together.
Well, if worse comes to worst,
there are other places
you can go.
Yeah, skid row.
I mean, I'm sure
there are a lot of companies
that would hire a man
with your business experience.
Yeah.
Well, take my company,
for instance.
Me, work for you?
That's like Roy Rogers
workin' for Trigger.
Besides, Willis,
I've been my own boss
too long
to start takin' orders
from somebody else.
Oh, look,
if inflation's
the problem,
maybe what you should do
is start cutting back.
Hey, you know,
that's a good idea.
Weezy, what do we got
laying around here
that we don't really need?
Well, I'm ready.
Aha!
George!
Just a thought, Weez.
Hey, we better get going.
Yeah. You sure
you're okay, Pop?
Oh, I'm fine.
Look, just go
enjoy the play.
Don't worry about me.
Then you'll be okay
with Jessica?
Of course.
I can do anything Florence
could do. Only faster.
Jessica's already been fed,
but if she should wake up,
just tell her a story
and she'll go back to sleep.
Oh, just the sound
of my voice will do it?
Sure. It's been
putting me to sleep
for the past five years.
We'll be back
as soon as we can, George.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
See you.
Bye!
Have a nice time.
Enjoy the show.
Be good, Jessica.
See you later.
- I'll be fine.
- All right.
Sure, desert me
in my hour of need.
Yeah, I know how you feel.
Shh.
What's the matter,
are you sleepy?
I'll tell you a story, okay?
Okay? Shh.
Okay. Once upon a time,
there was this king
named Arthur.
And he use to hang around
with these bunch of dudes
called the Knights
of the Round Table.
Now, one day...
Oh, you don't wanna
hear that story.
That's a fairy tale.
How about a real story? Okay?
Come on over here.
Okay.
Now, once upon a time,
there was this rich,
powerful king named George.
Now, King George ruled
over the Jefferson Empire,
which spread far and wide,
seven locations
throughout the city.
One near you.
Anyway, King George
had everything he wanted,
everything a king could ask for.
He was happy, he was satisfied,
and most important of all,
he was rich!
Okay, now, this room looks fine,
but I want a whole new floor
put in that entryway.
And tell 'em this time
I want it made
out of solid gold.
This silver shows up
all the dirty heel-marks.
Yes, sire.
Now, there's something else
that's not right
with this place.
Hey, Weezy!
Yes, my lord?
Don't you think
this castle is getting
too small for us?
Too small?
Why, yes.
Why, just this morning,
I was touring the west wing
and I got back here before dark.
The horse was going
at full gallop, too.
Well, you've got to admit,
we are better off now
than when we lived
back in the Land of Harlem.
Of course.
Remember how poor we were?
Oh, yes. We were so poor,
even our roaches
were starving to death.
But that's all behind us now.
Let's feast to celebrate.
Good idea.
Bring in the maid in waiting.
George, why do you
call Florence
the maid in waiting?
'Cause I've been waiting
for her to act like a maid
ever since she been here.
Well, Florence,
what delicious masterpiece
have you prepared for us
this time?
Well, for you, my queen,
I have garden-fresh
vegetables,
pheasant and
your very favorite
imported wine.
Oh, hey, well, all right.
Uh-uh.
I said, for my queen.
You got pantyhose on
under that robe
or something?
What about my meal?
Oh, yeah. Would you prefer
regular oatmeal or instant?
Guards!
George, she was only kidding.
Weezy, mouthing off
is a capital offense,
and I demand punishment!
Okay, you get no dinner.
Guards! Guards!
Oh, George.
Nail her mouth shut!
Off with her head!
But even though
the king did have to put up
with stupid servants,
he was still happy.
Until, alas, one terrible day...
Announcing the royal scribe,
bearer of news and loose change,
Sir Ralph the Greedy.
So tell me, Sir Ralph,
what good news
do you bring today?
A message
of the gravest concern,
O Rich...
I mean, O Royal Majesty, sire.
Well, read it to me, then.
Yes, sire.
You know, I don't usually like
to carry such important
messages, sire,
but the minute
I heard it was for you,
I rushed it right over here.
Oh, thank you, Sir Ralph.
One sack of gold to you, then.
I thank you, sire.
And it wasn't easy
carrying it either, sire.
I mean, what with
all the cutthroats
and highwaymen about,
I could've been killed
on my way over here.
All right.
Two sacks then.
Not to mention
the fire-breathing dragons,
the evil trolls under bridges,
the cold moats
I had to wade through...
Okay, Ralph,
three sacks and that's it.
Yes, sire.
Here.
Now, who's this message from?
I'm afraid it's from
a new enemy, sire.
He calls himself Inflation.
Inflation?
I've heard of him.
Yes, sire.
And woe is the man
who would challenge him,
for he has been
wreaking havoc throughout
the entire countryside,
devaluing the dollar,
giving rise to
the cost of living.
And, what's worse,
have you seen the size of
the 3 Musketeers bar lately?
Well, what does
a dude like this
want to see me about?
Read me the message.
Yes, sire.
"To King George, former ruler
of the Jefferson Empire."
"Former"?
"This..."
"This is to inform you
that what is now yours
shall soon be mine.
"I am Inflation
and you have been warned,
King George.
"So do not ask
for whom the coin shrinks.
"It shrinks for thee.
"Therefore, you will willingly
surrender your empire
"or watch helplessly
as it comes crumbling down
around you."
As it comes
crumbling down around me?
And so
the evil Inflation
was coming
to take away the empire
King George had worked
so hard to build.
But the king was brave
and wasn't gonna give up
without a fight.
Thrust. Slash.
Head fake. Thrust.
Thrust. Bob, weave, hook.
Slash.
George?
Ahhh!
What are you doing?
What does it look like
I'm doing?
Fighting off senility?
No, I'm fighting off Inflation.
Well, let's face it, Weezy,
I can never beat that guy.
Oh, I'm sure you will, George.
I've got Lionel and Jenny
out there now
watching his every move.
Yeah, but, Weezy, that guy
could wipe out a whole city
just like that.
I'm lucky if I beat Florence
at blackjack.
Well, why don't you ask
the royal bank for the money
to raise an army?
I tried that.
They won't get back to me.
Oh, I'm sure they will, George.
But in the meantime,
I've arranged
for some entertainment.
Oh, no.
Not the Royal Fool!
I just flew in from Camelot,
and, boy, are my arms tired!
My lady fair is so fat,
that when she sits around
the castle,
she sits around the castle.
Hello, King J, Queen J.
What can I do for you?
Well, the king
is a little worried
about Inflation,
so I hope you know
some good jokes
to cheer him up.
Well, King J,
as a matter of fact,
I do know one rather good one.
It was first told to me
by my Great-Uncle Griswold.
So, you see,
it's been around
for some time.
Not Uncle Griswold.
The joke, that is.
Although Uncle Griswold
was with us for quite
some time before he died,
so, of course, he's no longer
with us, but the joke is.
Anyway...
Tell the joke!
Right. Right.
Um, what do you call Inflation
when he battles the king?
I don't know. What?
The winner. The winner.
Guards!
What's the matter, George?
He's supposed
to ease my mind
of Inflation,
not stand there
telling jokes about it.
Oh, King J,
you mustn't let Inflation
worry you so.
I mustn't?
No, no, let me give you
three good pieces of advice,
you see?
Number one,
never fear the unknown.
Yeah?
Number two,
behind every cloud,
there's a silver lining.
Yeah. And what's
the third one?
Uh, never take advice
from a fool.
Guards!
George, calm down.
Calm down?
I ought to have that fool
boiled in oil!
But you can't, George.
This is an even day,
and thou art odd.
Announcing
the good Prince Lionel
and the fair maiden,
Princess Jane,
heirs apparent
to the Jefferson Empire.
Or at least,
what's gonna be left
of the Jefferson Empire.
If there's one thing I hate,
it's smart-aleck trumpeters.
Well, well, well,
if it isn't my faithful son
and daughter-in-law,
back from their scouting trip.
What did you learn
about Inflation?
Oh, Your Majesty, it's terrible.
Half the shopkeepers
are going out of business.
Prices are going up,
the women are haggling
at the checkstands.
Yes, I fear this Inflation
has us all by the gauntlets.
But, Lionel, you'll help me
battle Inflation, won't you?
Aw, come on, Pop.
I don't know nothin'
about ridin' off to battle.
You know, I'm only
a drawbridge designer.
Yeah, what am I supposed to do?
Well, you could
fight him yourself.
Say what?
Have you been smoking
some of that stuff
with the Merry Men again?
I say we should wait
for the royal bank.
They're bound to
get in touch with us
sooner or later.
Oh, Your Majesty,
suppose they don't?
The empire will be
totally defenseless.
She's right, Weez.
Well, truly, George,
you weren't thinking
of facing him alone.
Well...
Facing who?
Inflation.
Inflation?
You're gonna fight Inflation?
What's so funny?
I mean, he's only one man.
Then he's got you
outnumbered already.
Look, you just go
get my suit of armor.
You ain't got no suit of armor.
Then make me one!
And make sure you make it
big enough to cover me
from head to toe.
Oh, all right. There's got
to be an empty soup can
around here somewhere.
Keep an eye on her.
If she tries anything funny,
give her the rack.
What rack?
The rack of lamb
she cooked last week.
It's enough to kill anyone.
George, I just can't believe
you'd risk your life
in a battle with Inflation.
I have to, Weez.
I'm the king.
Well, we could always abdicate.
Aw, come on, Weezy,
I just got dressed.
Announcing
the noble Baron von Day
and his wife,
the Honorable Lady von Night,
rulers of
the Land of the Zebras.
Hello, King.
Greetings, my Queen.
Oh, please rise.
Uh...
What do you two want?
Well, George,
we heard about your problem
and thought we'd try
to help you with Inflation.
Why? Ain't you
inflated enough already?
George, they said
they want to help.
Oh, very well then.
Tell your warriors
to meet me in the courtyard
in 15 minutes.
Oh, but we don't have
any warriors.
What? What kind of help
do you got?
Well, I was thinking, George,
that if Inflation does
take over your empire,
you could always move
to our kingdom.
Yes. We're always looking
for good ex-kings
with your kind of,
uh, experience.
Me, move in with you?
Never!
Oh, well, George, it sounds
like a wonderful idea.
It's a terrible idea!
Weezy, they got a little
tiny castle.
The four of us
could never fit in there.
George, there'll be plenty
of room. As long as you
don't bring your mouth.
Look, Weezy,
they come over here,
they offer to help us, right?
They have no warriors,
no bloodthirsty soldiers,
no swords,
no weapons of torture and pain.
What kind of friends are you?
What we're trying to say
is that it would be
just stupid of you
to risk your life
defending your empire
when you could
move in with us.
And I'm sure you'll just love
our little place, Louise.
We have mountains,
trees, shuffleboard.
So what about it, George?
Is it a deal?
No deal! This is my empire,
and no matter what happens,
Weezy and I will stay here
and defend it
to the last breaths
of our lives. Right, Weez?
Did you say shuffleboard?
Oh, I'm sorry.
George is right.
As rulers of the empire,
it is our duty to stay
and protect it.
Well, okay, George.
Good luck.
But if you need me,
you know how to reach me.
Sure. I'll just run a pack
of donuts up the flagpole.
May the royal laundry
put starch your tights.
Your Majesty, sire!
Great news!
What is it?
I have found you
an Inflation-fighter.
Who? Who is he?
His name is Sir James.
And he has come all the way
across the country
to teach you
how to fight Inflation.
Well, don't just stand there.
Show him in.
Yes, sire.
Show in Sir James!
Announcing Sir James.
You actually pay them for that?
Affirmative action.
So, you are Sir James?
Just call me Jimmy.
We are about to fight Inflation.
You know what happens
if they beat us?
You know what we get?
- Peanuts?
- Oh!
Get out!
Out with you!
But, sire...
Out with you, too!
Right.
Out!
Of course, there will be
a small handling...
Guards!
I know somebody
who's not afraid
of Inflation.
Bring in the fool.
George, what are you gonna do?
Well, Weez,
I'm going to face Inflation
man-to-man.
And then what?
Then I'll just do
what any other king would do
in this situation.
I'll try to bribe him.
But...
That was no lady,
that was my gargoyle.
Yes, King J?
Ready me
two of my fastest horses.
I want you to be my scout.
Oh, we're going camping.
No!
He's coming! He's coming!
Run for your lives! Hurry!
Inflation?
Yes!
Come on, Pop,
I'll help you
barricade the door.
Okay, everybody get to safety.
Fool!
Yes, sire?
You lead the women.
Lead the women? Right.
♪ Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream ♪
Oh, never mind.
Lionel, get the women
out of here.
Sire, you just received
a message from the royal bank.
I did? What did they say?
Word for word?
Yes!
I asked for their help.
I want to know what they said.
"Sitteth on thy scepter."
There'll be no charge
for that, sire.
It's him! My sword!
Where's my sword?
Okay, come on, Inflation!
Show me what you got!
That much, huh?
Thy kingdom is mine,
George Jefferson.
Be gone before I strip
the very clothes
from thy back.
But this is my empire!
This was your empire!
Now it's mine!
No! No!
Mine! Mine!
Mine! Mine!
No! No!
Oh, don't go away.
Hello, Jefferson Empire.
I mean, Jefferson residence.
What? You're kidding?
I got the credit?
Oh, wow, that's great!
Well, all right!
Okay, thank you, thank you!
I got it! I got the credit!
I got it!
You hear that?
I got it, I got it.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Not that I was worried,
you understand.
Anyway, well, I guess you know
the rest of the story.
King George got mad,
beat up Inflation,
and threw him out
with his bare hands.
So he never bothered
the empire again.
And you wanna know why?
Because King George was
strong, mighty,
and he wasn't scared of nothin'.
So how's that?
Okay, okay.
I'll tell you
a regular story.
Once upon a time,
there were three bears.
Mama Bear, Papa Bear,
and a big, fat polar bear
named Willis.
♪ Movin', movin' on up ♪
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.