The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 5, Episode 1 - Louise's Painting - full transcript

♪ WELL, WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO A DELUXE APARTMENT ♪

♪ IN THE SKY ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ WE FINALLY GOT A PIECE
OF THE PIE ♪



♪ FISH DON'T FRY
IN THE KITCHEN ♪

♪ BEANS DON'T BURN
ON THE GRILL ♪

♪ TOOK A WHOLE LOT OF TRYIN' ♪

THAT HILL ♪
GET UP
♪ JUST TO

♪ NOW WE'RE UP
IN THE BIG LEAGUES ♪

♪ GETTIN' OUR TURN AT BAT ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE LIVE ♪

♪ IT'S YOU AND ME, BABY ♪

♪ THERE AIN'T
NOTHIN' WRONG WITH THAT ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO A DELUXE APARTMENT ♪



♪ IN THE SKY ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ WE FINALLY GOT A PIECE
OF THE PIE ♪♪

DAMN.
WHERE IS IT?

FLORENCE,
YOU SEEN THE PAPER?

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

MM.

MM-MM-MM.

FLORENCE.

WAIT.
I'M READING "DEAR ABBY."

A WOMAN'S GETTING
A RASH ON HER BODY

'CAUSE HER HUSBAND SLEEPS
IN LONG, WOOLLY UNDERWEAR.

FLORENCE!

EVERY NIGHT IT...

IT WHAT?

IT'S CONTINUED
ON PAGE 31.

FLORENCE!

PUT THAT BACK!

THERE'S A SALE
ON PRIME RUMP.

GOOD.
GET YOUR RUMP OUT OF HERE.

GOOD MORNING,
FLORENCE.

GOOD MORNING.

GEORGE!

GEORGE!

KISS HIM.
HE MIGHT TURN INTO A PRINCE.

ARE YOU ASLEEP?

YES.

WAKE UP!
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

IT WAS.

WE SHOULD BE
DOING SOMETHING.

YEAH.

ENJOYING OURSELVES.

YEAH.

HAVING FUN.

YEAH. LET'S GO.

YOU GO BACK TO WORK!

ONE LOOK AT HIM

TURNS A
BEAUTIFUL DAY UGLY.

GOOD NIGHT.

COME ON.

CAN'T WE
DO SOMETHING TOGETHER?

YOU SLEEP THERE,
AND I'LL SLEEP HERE.

COME ON, GEORGE.

I'M TRYIN' TO RELAX
LIKE YOU ALWAYS TELL ME.

I'M STAYING HERE,
NAGGING YOU TO GO
OUT WITH ME.

WHY, WEEZY?

WHEN I NAG,
NOBODY SLEEPS.

COME IN, HELEN.

I CAN'T STAY.

THAT'S THE FIRST GOOD NEWS
I HEARD TODAY.

BEEN LISTENIN'
TO YOURSELF AGAIN?

WHAT'S THAT?

LET ME SHOW YOU.

IT'S FROM
MY ART CLASS.

ART CLASS!

WELL?

YOU DREW THIS?

I THINK
IT'S WONDERFUL.

ME, TOO.

IT'S JUST
A BUNCH OF CIRCLES.

THEY'RE ORANGES.

WHY AIN'T THEY
ORANGE?

I'M SKETCHING
WITH CHARCOAL.

TOO CHEAP
TO BUY CRAYONS?

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU'RE GOING TO ART SCHOOL.

I'M ON MY WAY NOW.

IT GETS ME
OUT OF THE HOUSE.

GO TO ART CLASS, WEEZ.

WHAT?

YOU COULD JOIN TODAY.

RIGHT.

YOU WOULDN'T MIND
BEING LEFT ALONE, GEORGE?

NO.
I'LL MAKE THE SACRIFICE.

BUT...

YOU LOVED ART
IN HIGH SCHOOL.

AND AFTER
WE WERE MARRIED.

THAT WAS BECAUSE
WE COULDN'T
AFFORD WALLPAPER.

YOU'LL ENJOY IT, LOUISE.

WELL...
WILL YOU COME TOO,
GEORGE?

I AIN'T GOIN'
TO NOBODY'S ART CLASS.

LET'S DO SOMETHING
TOGETHER.

YOU WILL BE.
WITH HELEN.

OH, OK.
IT MIGHT BE FUN.

INSTEAD OF ORANGES,
DRAW ME A CHEESEBURGER.

A CHEESEBURGER?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ART,
BUT I KNOW WHAT I LIKE.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY,
GEORGE?

I DIDN'T KNOW
IT WAS HALLOWEEN ALREADY.

THIS IS
MY GOLFING OUTFIT.

LET'S GET YOU
TO ART CLASS

OR I'LL BE LATE
FOR TEE TIME.

ARE YOU PLAYIN' GOLF
OR DRINKING TEA?

LOUISE IS COMING, TOO.

THAT'LL BE
NICE COMPANY.

I WISH GEORGE
HAD SOMETHING TO DO.

YOU COULD PLAY GOLF
WITH TOM.

HELEN...

IT WOULD
BE GOOD FOR YOU.

GEORGE DOESN'T WANT
TO PLAY GOLF WITH ME.

DAMN RIGHT!

SEE?
COME ON.

HOW ABOUT IT, GEORGE?

HE'D BE EMBARRASSED.

BEGINNERS CAN'T LEARN
JUST LIKE THAT.

RIGHT.

HE'D LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT

PLAYING AGAINST ME.

I'LL BEAT YOU IN GOLF
ANY DAY.

GOLF IS
A DIFFICULT GAME.

HITTING A BALL
WITH A STICK?

YEAH?

ANY FOOL
CAN DO THAT.

PROVE IT, GEORGE.

I WILL.

NO, GEORGE.
I THINK YOU SHOULD START
WITH MINIATURE GOLF.

YOU SCARED
I'LL BEAT YOU?

YOU?
LAST WEEK
I SHOT SEVEN BIRDIES.

DON'T CHANGE
THE SUBJECT.

WE'RE DISCUSSING GOLF,
NOT HUNTIN'.

YOU ASKED FOR IT.

I'LL BEAT THE PANTS
OFF HIM.

WITH THOSE PANTS,
I'LL DO EVERYBODY A FAVOR.

YOU'LL ENJOY IT, LOUISE.

I'M KIND OF NERVOUS.

MRS. POMEROY?

HELLO, HELEN.

THIS IS
LOUISE JEFFERSON.

SHE'D LIKE
TO JOIN US.

HAVE YOU
DRAWN BEFORE?

FUNNY
YOU SHOULD ASK...

HERE'S A PAD
AND CHARCOAL.

WE'LL FILL OUT FORMS
LATER.

ALL RIGHT.

HI.
FIRST TIME HERE?

YEAH.

SHE'S
A GOOD TEACHER.

IF WE LIKE IT,

WE'LL SEE
MORE OF EACH OTHER.

COULD BE.

CHARLIE?

TIME TO WORK.

MY GOD!

HE HAS NOTHING ON!

THIS IS ANATOMY.

I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING
STILL LIFE.

WE ARE.

HE'S NOT MOVIN'.

START DRAWING.

OH, MY GOD!
I CAN'T.

LOUISE,
DO YOUR BEST.

NOBODY EXPECTS YOU
TO BE PERFECT.

CAN'T I START
WITH SOME ORANGES?

YOU'VE SEEN
A NUDE MAN BEFORE.

WHAT ABOUT GEORGE?

GEORGE ISN'T A MAN.
HE'S MY HUSBAND.

GIRL,
START DRAWING.

OK.

I'LL MIX YOU A DRINK.

WINNER BUYS DRINKS
ALL AROUND, RIGHT?

GEORGE...

YOU SURE ARE ROUND.

YOU JUST GOT LUCKY.

I BEAT YOU FAIR.

YOU PLAYED WRONG.

YOU USED A DRIVER
TO PUTT.

IT WORKED.

YOUR BALL HIT A TREE
AND BOUNCED INTO THE HOLE.

CLEVER SHOT, HUH?

A FREAK!

I AIMED AT THAT TREE!

I BEAT YOU!
I BEAT YOU!

GEORGE,
WINNING IS NOT
THAT IMPORTANT.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS
YOU LOST.

DON'T TELL
THE WHOLE WORLD.

I WOULDN'T
EMBARRASS YOU.

I'LL KEEP IT QUIET.

THANK YOU.

FLORENCE!

I BEAT WILLIS
IN GOLF.

THANKS.

HE BEAT YOU?

YES.

YOU MUST BE LOUSY.

HE'S GOOD.
I'M GREAT.

BACK ALREADY?

I SLAUGHTERED HIM.

HE DIDN'T!

YOU MUST'VE HAD
AN OFF DAY.

HE WAS OFF ALL DAY
LOOKING FOR HIS BALL.

I'LL GET SOME MORE ICE.

WHY?
YOU WASN'T
THAT HOT TODAY.

I'M GLAD
YOU ENJOYED IT.

HOW WAS
ART CLASS?

DID YOU DRAW
ORANGES?

NO.

WE WEREN'T
DRAWING FRUIT TODAY.

FLOWERS?

NOT EXACTLY.

WHAT WAS IT?

A LIVE MODEL.

LIKE A PUPPY DOG?

LET ME SEE.

IT'S NOT VERY GOOD.

IT'S YOUR FIRST TRY.

NO!

I WON'T LAUGH.

OH, GET THEE
BEHIND ME, SATAN!

I'LL GO
WASH UP.

LOUISE!

GET BACK HERE!

HOW COULD YOU DO
ANYTHING SO SHAMEFUL?

SHAMEFUL!

HOW COULD YOU
SINK SO LOW?

DOWN INTO THE ABYSS!

HOW COULD YOU?

THE SERPENT WHISPERED
IN HER EAR.

SHUT UP!

LOUISE.

DON'T TALK LIKE THAT
TO OUR FAITHFUL MAID.

YOU'RE BEHAVING
LIKE A CRAZY MAN.

IT'S JUST A NUDE.

IT AIN'T!
IT'S A NAKED DUDE!

THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH IT.

HOW'D YOU LIKE IT
IF I WENT OUTSIDE

WITH NO CLOTHES ON?

PROBABLY NOBODY
WOULD NOTICE.

THAT'S GOOD.

SHUT UP, FLORENCE!

ONE MINUTE I'M
THE "FAITHFUL MAID."

THE NEXT MINUTE
I'M A "SHUT UP, FLORENCE."

NOW YOU A "SHUT UP AND GET
IN THE KITCHEN, FLORENCE."

WHAT'S THE
SHOUTING ABOUT?

NONE OF YOUR
DAMN BUSINESS.

OH.

I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.

I NEVER THOUGHT
MY CHILD'S MOTHER

WOULD DRAW
DIRTY PICTURES.

IT'S NOT DIRTY.
IT'S ART.

I DON'T CARE
WHAT HIS NAME IS!

YOU AIN'T GOIN' BACK!

YOU TALKED ME
INTO GOING.

I THOUGHT
YOU'D DRAW FRUIT,
NOT THAT WEIRDO.

HE'S A PROFESSIONAL MODEL.

WHAT DOES HE MODEL,
OPEN RAINCOATS?

COME ON!

IF HE HAD ANY DECENCY,

HE WOULD POSE
LIKE THIS.

THAT'S WHERE TO HIT HIM.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

YOU.

MY WIFE WAS WITH
A NAKED MAN

WITH HER EYES
WIDE OPEN.

THAT AIN'T FUNNY!

SMALL MINDS
COME IN SMALL PACKAGES.

I'LL TAKE
THIS SMALL PACKAGE.

GEORGE!

I'M THROWING THIS AWAY.

JUST A SECOND, BUSTER!

THIS IS MY HOUSE, TOO.

RIGHT ON!

DON'T TELL ME
WHAT TO DO.

I'LL KEEP MY PICTURE,
YOU KEEP YOUR NAKED WOMEN.

RIGHT ON!
NAKED WOMEN?

WHY, GEORGE,
YOU DEVIL, YOU!

NAKED WOMEN?
WHERE?

WHERE?

IN YOUR DUFFEL BAG
UNDER YOUR OLD
NAVY UNIFORM.

THEM PINUPS
FROM THE SERVICE?

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

FLORENCE FOUND THEM
WHEN SHE WAS CLEANING.

WHY DOESN'T SHE CLEAN
WHERE WE CAN SEE?

WHAT'S GOOD
FOR THE GANDER

IS GOOD FOR
THIS MOTHER GOOSE.

RIGHT ON,
MOTHER!

SHUT UP!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE WRONG.

I SUPPOSE YOUR HUSBAND
DON'T CARE

IF YOU PAINT
NUDE STRANGERS.

TOM HAS
AN OPEN MIND.

IT'S SO OPEN,
YOU CAN SEE THROUGH IT.

I'LL MAKE ANOTHER DRINK.

YOUR WIFE
HAS SOMETHING
TO ASK YOU.

ASK HIM.

OK.

TOM, SOMETHING HAPPENED
IN ART CLASS TODAY.

FLORENCE
TOLD ME.

TOM DOESN'T MIND
A BIT.

DO YOU, DEAR?

DO YOU, TOM?

WELL...

WELL, WHAT?

I OFTEN START SENTENCES
WITH "WELL".

WELL... FINISH IT.

WELL...

WELL, WELL!

YOU HAVEN'T ANSWERED
MY QUESTION.

WELL...

THE WELLS
KEEP WELLING UP
IN ME TODAY.

I'D BE HAPPIER
IF YOU'D STICK
TO ORANGES.

ORANGES!

APPLES?

SEE?

NEXT YOU'LL SAY
I CAN'T GO
TO ART CLASS.

WELL...

EXCUSE ME, LOUISE.
I'M GOING UPSTAIRS.

SOMETHING TO DO?

SOMETHING
TO GET AWAY FROM.

I'LL BE RIGHT UP.

WHO CARES?

SORE LOSER!

NOW THAT WE'VE AGREED
THAT'S A DIRTY PICTURE...

I HAVEN'T VOTED.

WHAT?

I'M GOING TO
THAT ART CLASS,

AND I LIKE
THIS PICTURE.

I LIKE IT SO MUCH,
I'M PUTTING IT RIGHT HERE

WHERE EVERYBODY
CAN SEE IT.

DON'T TOUCH, OR ELSE!

WHAT?

ASK ME TONIGHT, GEORGE.

I WON'T TOUCH IT.

PROMISE?

PROMISE.

LOUDER.

I PROMISE!
I PROMISE!

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

PERFECTLY.

EVEN WITH
THE DOOR CLOSED.

WHAT IS IT?

COULD I BORROW
A COLANDER?

IT'S SATURDAY THE 18th.

NOT A CALENDAR,
A COLANDER.

TO DRAIN
MY NOODLES.

COME IN.

THANK YOU.

I'M FIXING STROGANOFF
FOR SUSAN.

I'LL LOOK.

HI, BENTLEY.

HOW'S YOUR LOVELY
WIFE?

ANGRY.

ALL BECAUSE
OF HIM.

I SAY!

IF YOU CAUGHT HIM
LIKE THIS,

YOU SHOULD BE ANGRY.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I DIDN'T KNOW
LOUISE DREW THESE THINGS.

SHE'S PUTTING PANTS ON HIM
NEXT WEEK.

HEAVENS, NO!

THE UNCLOTHED BODY
IS BEAUTIFUL.

I WAS CONVINCING
SUSAN OF THAT LAST EVENING

JUST BEFORE SHE LEFT.

GETTING BACK TO THIS.

CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

MY GREAT-GREAT-UNCLE JONATHAN
WAS AN ARTIST.

CHANGE THE SUBJECT!

NOW I'M TALKING ABOUT
MY GREAT-GREAT-UNCLE.

HE WANTED TO PAINT
QUEEN VICTORIA NUDE.

THEY WOULDN'T ALLOW IT.

CERTAINLY NOT!

THEY MADE HIM
WEAR A BATHROBE.

HERE YOU ARE.

THANK YOU.

IS THERE
ANYTHING ELSE?

I COULD USE
YOUR PERFECT PALATE

TO SAMPLE MY STROGANOFF.

I'LL TASTE IT
FOR YOU.

I'LL ONLY BE
A MINUTE.

BYE.

WHAT A LOUSY DAY
THIS HAS BEEN.

ONLY BRIGHT SPOT
WAS ME BEATING YOU
IN GOLF.

YOU WON BECAUSE YOU'RE CLOSER
TO THE BALL THAN ME.

I DON'T
LEAN OVER MY STOMACH

TO SEE THE BALL.

WHAT?

I'M HELPING YOU.

YOUR STOMACH
GETS IN THE WAY
OF YOUR SWING.

EITHER STOP EATIN'
OR TRY THIS SWING.

LIKE THIS.

SEE WHAT YOU DID!

IT WAS YOUR FAULT!

I WAS DEMONSTRATING.

DO SOMETHING QUICK!

GEORGE, HURRY UP!

IS IT COMING OFF?

YEAH.
ALL OF IT.

GEORGE!

OH, NO!

YOU COULDN'T WAIT
UNTIL I TURNED MY BACK.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

SURE.

ACCIDENTLY THAT NAPKIN
JUMPED INTO YOUR HAND,

AND ACCIDENTLY
SMEARED MY PICTURE.

ASK WILLIS.

UH... UH...

I'M NOT ASKING HIM.

THEN I'M NOT NEEDED.

COME BACK,
YOU COWARD!

COWARD?
I'M FACING HELEN.

YOU PROMISED.

IT WAS
AN ACCIDENT.

YOU BROKE
YOUR PROMISE.

BUT...

I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ANY MORE.

DON'T YOU TALK TO ME.

WEEZY...

COME OUT OF THERE!

YOU WRONG!

I'M SUPPOSED
TO GET MAD.

NOT YOU!

I WOULDN'T
MAKE UP TO HER.

WHAT?

I HEARD EVERYTHING
EVEN WITHOUT LISTENIN'.

THAT PICTURE SURE IS
THE DEVIL'S WORK.

FORGET THE PICTURE.
SHE WON'T TALK TO ME.

WHO PAYS RENT?

ME.

WHO BUYS FOOD
AND CLOTHES?

ME.

WHO'S BOSS?

ME.

LAY DOWN THE LAW.

RIGHT.

YOU'RE THE BOSS.

RIGHT.

I AM THE MAN
OF THIS HOUSE.

I PAY THE BILLS.

I ORDER YOU OUT!

I'LL COUNT TO THREE.

ONE,

TWO,

TH-REE.

IT DIDN'T WORK.

I KNEW IT WOULDN'T.

YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T
DO THAT ON PURPOSE.

I CAN'T PROVE IT,
BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

LET'S MAKE UP.

YOU CAN DO
ANYTHING YOU WANT.

YOU CAN GO BACK
TO THE ART CLASS.

DRAW WHATEVER YOU WANT.

YOU WANT
TO DO THINGS TOGETHER?

THE NEXT TIME
YOU GO TO ART CLASS

I'LL GO WITH YOU,
OK?

OH, GEORGE.

HERE YOU ARE,
MR. JEFFERSON.

I'M GLAD
YOU'RE JOINING US.

ME, TOO.

YOU'LL LOVE IT.

LET'S START!
THERE'S A GAME TONIGHT.

THIS IS BETTER
THAN A BALL GAME.

SURE.

THIS BROADENS
YOUR HORIZONS.

SURE.

YOU OBSERVE THE WORLD
WITH NEW EYES

AND A DIFFERENT
PERSPECTIVE.

ALL RIGHT, CLASS.

NANCY?

OH, DAMN!

WHERE'S CHARLIE?

WHO CARES?

DON'T LOOK.

YOU LOOKED AT CHARLIE.

THAT'S DIFFERENT.

RIGHT!

WE'RE LEAVING.

WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE
IS GOOD FOR THIS GANDER.

YOU TAKE
ONE MORE GANDER,

AND YOUR GOOSE
IS COOKED.

I DON'T KNOW
MUCH ABOUT ART,

BUT I KNOW
WHAT I LIKE.

WAIT!

WE'LL BE BACK.

THE JEFFERSONS WAS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.