The Irony of Fate, or Enjoy Your Bath! (1976): Season 1, Episode 1 - Part 1 - full transcript
Part 1 - Zhenya turns up in Leningrad, but he thinks it's Moscow. How is it possible? Oh, on New Year's Eve everything is possible.
Andrei MYAGKOV
Barbara BRYLSKA
Yuri YAKOVLEV
in Eldar RYAZANOV's film
THE IRONY OF FATE
OR SAUNA BLUES
A totally untypical story,
that could have happened
only and solely on New Year's eve.
Screenplay:
Emil BRAGINSKY
Eldar RYAZANOV
D.O.P.
Vladimir NAKHABTSEV
Production designer
Alexander BORISOV
Music:
Mikhael TARIVERDIEV
Songs to poems by
Marina TSVETAEVA
Boris PASTERNAK
Bella AKHMADULINA
Vladimir KIRSHON
Yevgeny YEVTUSHENKO
Mikhail LVOVSKY
Alexander ARONOV
Also starring
Lyubov DOBRZHANSKAYA
Olga NAUMENKO
Lia AKHEDZHAKOVA
Valentina TALYZINA
Alexande SHIRVINDT
Georgy BURKOV
Alexander BELYAVSKY
Lyubov SOKOLOVA
Gotlib RONINSON
Moscow suburban villages:
Troparevo, Chertanovo,
Medvedkovo
and of course Cheremushki
didn't think,
that they will be immortalized
on the same gruesome day,
that they will be wiped off
the face of the Earth.
The village Cheremushki gave
its name to a new neighborhood,
That grew in the South-Western
part of the capital.
Nearly every Soviet city nowadays
has its own Cheremushki
neighborhood.
In bygone days when someone
found himself in a strange city,
he felt lost and lonely.
Everything around was strange:
houses, streets and life itself.
But it's all different now.
A person comes to a strange city,
but feels at home there.
To think what lengths of absurdity
our ancestors went to,
when they designed different
architectural projects!
Nowadays in every city you will find
a standard movie theatre "Rocket",
where you can see
a standard film.
- Do you sell oranges?
- Over there.
Everyone come to the fair!
Christmas decorations, fireworks
and presents for everyone.
Here, my friends!
Names of the streets are
not too inventive either.
What city doesn't have
a 1st Sadovaya or a 2nd Zagorodnaya,
a 3rd Factory St., a Park St.,
an Industrial St.,
or a 3rd Constructors St.?
Sounds romantic, doesn't it?
Staircases that all look the same
are all painted with a standard
pleasant color.
Standard apartments furnished
with standard furniture,
standard locks cut into
blind featureless doors.
Zhenya, darling,
I have an unusual proposition.
Oh, is that so?
I'm scared already.
Zhenya, let's see
in the New Year together.
Well of course.
Isn't that how we planned it?
No.
You don't understand.
Let it be just you and me.
What do you mean "just you and me"?
I don't understand.
Let's not go to the Katanyans.
But that's impossible, Galya.
We've already made arrangements.
They are my friends.
And you've already made your crab salad.
You know I love crabs!
That's great.
We'll eat them together.
Where will we eat them?
You are so slow!
We will stay here, at your place.
Right here?
But what about the Katanyans?
Oleg invites me to celebrate
at the Ostankino TV
tower restaurant.
Give me the top.
- It rotates.
- Who?
The restaurant.
Well if you want to rotate,
then please do.
I want to see in the
New Year with you.
Really? Let's do it then!
- You are so stupid!
- And who else shall we invite?
That's the point. No one.
What do you mean, no one?
And what about my mother?
Your mother will go someplace.
She'll cook everything,
lay the table, I'll help her.
You got a terrific mom.
Wonderful idea! How come
I didn't think about it myself?
One of the two has to be more
clever than the other.
- It will be you.
- Zhenya, stop it!
And what about the Katanyans?
I don't understand...
Oleg invited me to see
in the New Year
at a monastery in Suzdal.
To hell with Oleg!
To hell with the monastery!
I don't want to go anywhere.
I want to be with you.
With me?
Excuse me, I'm looking
for the 3rd Constructors St.
It's over there,
behind those tall buildings.
- You'll see a church there.
- Thank you.
We will see in the New Year together.
Just you and me.
I'll have one too many...
and become brave and bold...
And I'll finally tell you
everything I have to tell you.
Znenya!
I don't believe it!
Are you going to propose?
After two years of being together...
Let's wait until New Year's eve,
when the bells chime...
Let's wait...
It's just that I'm afraid
you will never summon your courage.
It is the cowardice...
of an old bachelor.
You know,
I already proposed to a woman once.
To my utter amazement
she said "yes".
But when I imagined,
that she will come
to live at my place,
and every day...
she will flash before my eyes...
hither and thither,
hither and thither...
I broke down and ran
away to Leningrad.
Will you run away from me too?
It's impossible to run away from you.
My decision is final an irreversible.
I held on for a long
time and finally broke.
Zhenya...
What do you think,
when do people sing?
Sing?
When? At street rallies.
- Well... Any other time?
- They sing in the opera.
They sing when they
have one too many.
Stupid! You know when people sing?
- When they don't have
a musical ear? - No.
- When they're happy.
- That's right.
There will be no one in the house,
Just the twilight,
Just one winter day
In the opening of the curtains,
Someone forgot to shut,
Curtains, someone forgot to shut.
Just damp white snow lumps
Swiftly flying by.
There's just the roofs and
the snow, and...
Just the roofs and the snow,
And no one else,
There's no one else.
And once again the hoarfrost
Will draw its tracery,
And like before I will be
caught in the whirlwind
Of last year's despondency,
and the memories of another witer,
And the memories of another Winter.
But suddenly the curtain shudder
with someone's intrusion.
Measuring the silence with
your soft steps,
Measuring the silence,
you will appear like the future itself.
You will be standing in the doorway,
Dressed in something
white and simple,
Like one of those fabrics,
Out of which they make snow flakes,
Out of which they make snow flakes.
There will be no one in the house,
Just the twilight.
Just one winter day in the opening
Of the curtains,
someone forgot to shut,
Curtains, someone forgot to shut.
- Maria Dmitrievna...
- Quiet!
Happy New Year!
Not so loud, will you!
Why?
- Who is it, mother?
- It's just a neighbor, dear.
- What's going on?
- Pavel, come back tomorrow.
I'm leaving for Leningrad tonight.
Well, bon voyage.
What do you think you're doing?
- Mother, who is it again?
- A telegram from aunt Vera.
Remember how you taught us boys
to always tell
the truth?
There are situations
when it's better to tell a lye.
But Misha and Sasha
are waiting for us at the bathhouse.
That's no problem.
I'm leaving to Leningrad right after.
Why do you have to go to
Leningrad?
Irina is there on business,
and I'm flying over
to see in the New Year with her.
What's going on anyway?
- It's a secret.
- What secret?
- You'll find out in due time.
- Zhenya has no secrets from me.
Go on, split!
Zhenya, I have to go.
I have so much to do!
- Galya!..
- What?
Galya...
The thing is...
How do they say that?..
I love you.
I want you to marry me.
But I will always be flashing before
your eyes.
Please do.
I want you to.
Here's the key.
Come at 11 to see in the New Year.
Shall I bring the salad?
The salad?
I didn't understand the main thing:
do you say "yes"?
I took the key, didn't I?
And what does that mean?
That doesn't mean anything.
See you tonight.
Say good-bye to your mother from me.
- I'm worried about the Katanyans.
- Forget it.
Mother!
Amidst a bustling ball,
Suddenly...
In the troubles
of the mundane bustle...
- I think I'm getting married.
- I think so too.
What do you think of Galya?
You're the one
who's getting married, not me.
But you are my mother!
I hope you won't forget it
after you get married.
I take it that you don't like her.
Well, I'm not particularly
mad about her,
But she's rather intelligent
and has good manners.
I see.
If you don't get married now,
you'll never get married.
I'm already 36...
It's not very polite
to remind me of my age.
Even though I take no offense.
Get up!
Stop it! I'm not offended.
I'm a terrific mom, remember?
I'll cook everything
and go visit a friend.
- Where are the goblets?
- I'll find them. Goblets!
They should be here.
Moving from one place to another,
you can't find a thing.
They're not here.
There they are!
I wonder what she saw in me?
She's much younger than I am.
And then, she's so beautiful!
I'm also surprised,
she chose such a dimwit.
Dimwit?
Did you have to tell her
about Leningrad?
When a man proposes to one woman,
he doesn't talk about another.
- Oh really? I didn't know.
- Yes.
Now I know everything!
Now I know how a man should propose.
You windbag!
- Who rang the doorbell all the time?
- Pavel.
He's leaving for Leningrad.
I told him to go away.
Maybe I could go
to the bathhouse anyway?
It won't do you any harm,
If you will see
in the New Year clean.
It's decided. I'll go take a bath.
A bath in every apartment -
that's the way it should be.
This is civilization.
- Are you talking to me?
- Yes.
But the process of washing yourself,
that in a bathhouse acquires
the meaning of a ceremonial ritual,
In your bath at home
is just scraping off the dirt.
And then this Russian tradition
of wishing "A light steam".
Here's a refill.
Did you ever see steam
in your bathroom at home?
Misha is right, a good bath
makes you clean, body and soul.
Guys!
It's great here, but I have to go.
No, you won't get away with that.
We're all waiting.
What are you waiting for?
Aren't we gonna drink to your
engagement?
Here, in the bathhouse?
Zhenya is right.
They don't serve alcohol in a bathhouse.
If not for me,
the situation would be hopeless.
There you go!
No, no, I can't.
Just one shot.
I have to go to the airport.
No sweat, guys!
Everyone has to be in shape.
Why don't we do it tomorrow!
At my place.
I'll introduce you to my wife.
Tomorrow I will be in Leningrad.
Go ahead, drink.
I wonder what you chose.
Not "what", but "who"!
That's terrible: Vodka after beer.
I'm just off a night shift...
There, here's a chocolate bar.
Something to chase it down with.
All right, just one shot.
Pavel, your toast.
You are the most eloquent of us.
- And you - the least intelligent.
- Thank you.
Here's a oast...
To Zhenya Lukashin.
No, seriously.
The most bashful one of us,
who finally overcame his shyness
and decided to get married.
The last one of us.
Zhenya, now the serious part.
Be happy!
- Be happy, Zhenya.
- This calls for a drink.
This is serious.
Listen, what's her name?
She has a beautiful name.
Galya.
And what's more, an uncommon one.
Guys, we have no choice.
Here's to Galya!
To Galya bottoms up!
Galya, be happy!
You bastards!
I had a night shift...
Not cold enough!
Tell us how you met.
It's a long story.
She came to my outpatients clinic.
Is she sick?
No.
She had a dislocation.
A kink! Well that explains
why she is marrying you.
Let's drink to them both
being healthy.
Where do you get those bottles from?
Put it away!
My wife asked me
to buy some for tonight.
If we go on at such pace,
I have good chances
of missing my plane.
Pavel, trust me. I never get drunk.
Give me your ticket.
It's definitely bad for my health!
She'll think I'm an alcoholic!
That's unheard of!
A doctor refuses to drink to good health.
Why did I have to come here!
Now tell us how you met her.
Are you asking me? Who with?
Galya. Or is there someone else?
No, there's no one. I'm single.
- What to?
- Let's drink to bachelors.
To unmarried life! Hip-hip-hurrah!
You can't miss this one!
It's all the same to you!
But I can't imagine
what's going to happen to me,
if I maybe come home in time
to see in the New Year.
People, I have a very
important toast.
You've had enough.
You're getting married, remember?
I haven't forgotten.
If you do, I will remind you.
Guys, let's drink to our friendship.
That's a good boy!
Good speech!
You're a natural born orator.
Give me some space.
Let's weigh ourselves "Brudershaft".
What will the two of us
weigh together?
Guys, I have a lyrical
romantic toast.
That's enough!
We have to go to the airport.
- What for?
- One of us is going to Leningrad.
- Let's go!
- Let's fly!
Fasten your bed-sheets!
Prepare for takeoff!
Down below, under the wing sings
the green see of the Taiga.
Down below, under the wing sings
the green see of the Taiga.
Attention all passengers,
boarding TU-134,
flight 392,
en route from Moscow to Leningrad.
All passengers please proceed
to the departure gate.
- I think that's our flight.
- I think you're right.
Do you remember,
which one of us is flying?
No.
Wait, trust me.
- Let's appeal to common logic.
- Let's.
- Are you flying to Leningrad?
- No.
Me neither.
Flight No 392 to Leningrad
boarding now.
Can Pavel be flying to Leningrad?
He can.
What about Zhenya?
He can too.
They both can.
Shall we cast lots?
Let's not give ourselves
into the hands of chance.
When in the bathhouse,
what did we drink to?
Lukashin's health.
Because he's getting married.
- You've got an amazing memory.
- Later.
That means,
Zhenya is flying to Leningrad,
to attend his own wedding.
And he would say so himself,
if he wasn't that tired.
Wait!
He said he met his fiancee
at his outpatient clinic,
when she came to see a doctor.
I will answer you.
What does that mean?
Than means, she was in Moscow on
a business trip.
Iron logic.
Boarding Aeroflot flight 392
en route from Moscow to Leningrad
completed.
Careful!
- Where are you taking me?
- To meet your happiness.
Wait! It's a good thing
we washed him.
Attention! Flight
392 from Moscow has just landed.
- Careful!
- What did I do to deserve this?
Flight from Moscow has just landed.
I'm cold!
Damn!
You shouldn't drink so much.
Pavel!
Attention all passengers
flying to Krasnoyarsk.
Your flight is delayed until 12 p.m.
due to bad weather in Krasnoyarsk.
What time is it?
2 hours 50 minutes to go until the
New Year.
Watch yourself, young man!
- Where am I?
- Same place I am.
- And where are you?
- At the airport.
It's bad weather in Krasnoyarsk.
At worst I'll see in the New Year
in this armchair...
And at best?
Also in an armchair, only in the air.
Have you ever seen in
the New Year in the air?
No. And I don't want to.
Me either. But what can I do?
- Who are you?
- I'm a human being.
We saw Pavel to the airport,
and now I'm going home.
Very well, all the best.
- Happy New Year.
- Same to you.
Drop the familiarities.
Don't you think it's too early,
young man?
You free?
- Yes. Where to?
- 3rd Constructors St.,
25, apartment 12, 4th floor.
I don't care if it's the 5th!
Taxi!
Let me out of here!
People! Happy New Year!
Home at last!
I'm home.
"There will be no one in he
house..."
And who are these people here?
You're not afraid of me?
Careful!
I fell through. Thank you.
Go ahead... Only after you...
You won't bite me, will you?
Going up.
Come visit me. It's apartment 12.
"Jim, give me your paw for
happiness". - Come on.
He doesn't want to!
Happy New Year to you!
Dogs walking around!
Mother!
Careful, careful...
Hold the elevator, please!
Hey!..
Wake up! Do you hear me?
Wake up this very minute! Get up!
Are you dead or alive?
All right!..
Wake up now! Do you hear me?
Get up! What are you doing here?
Don't jolt me!
I want to get some sleep.
Who are you? How did you get here?
Stop jolting me! Get up!
- You're hurting me!
- Get up this very minute!
Stop disturbing me!
Unbelievable!
All right, you asked for it!
I warn you for the last time.
Oh, that feels good!
Can I have some more?
I'm sailing away!
What is this?
What are you doing? It's wet!
Are you crazy?
Have you all gone mad?
I'm not a flower-bed.
Who are you?
What's going on here?
Get out of here now!
This is unheard of!
- What are you doing here?
- I was sleeping.
What? What do you want?
Stop playing the fool!
- Why?
- What are you doing lying here?
Get out this instant!
Now!
What a boor! It's not enough
that you broke into my flat,
but you behave like a gangster!
What is this?
- Your flat?
- That's right, I live here.
- Then where do you suppose I live?
- I don't know.
And I don't care. That's outrageous!
For your information my fiancee
will be coming any minute now.
I don't want her
to see you here.
How come your fiancee
will be coming to my place?
It's a bad time for jokes!
My head's splitting!
What time is it?
My god, it's nearly 11 p.m.!
I'm expecting guests.
And you presence
here is not at all welcome.
How come your friends
will be coming to my place?
I'm thirsty!
Are you crazy? W
hy do you behave so outrageously?
Listen to me!
Get a hold of yourself.
Where do you think you are?
At home. 25, 3rd Constructors St...
Oh no!
I live at 25, 3rd Constructor St.,
Apartment 12.
Oh no, darling.
Shoo!
Stop being a nuisance!
I live here with my mother.
32 meters of space.
No, me and my mother occupy
these 32 meters of space.
Congratulations!
Can't say we have very big apartments.
Very sharp observation.
Who wrapped me
in this thing anyway?
I will be much obliged,
if you would evaporate
this very minute.
Don't jolt me around!
I want some respect!
Mother!
Mother left.
I'll kill you!
- Whose mother left?
- Thank god, we have different mothers.
Really?
Pardon me... And both mothers left?
I have a feeling, one of us is nuts.
I know which one it is.
Yes, me too.
Are you hinting at me?
Madhouse!
Why did you move my cupboard?
It stands exactly where they put it.
It is my Polish furniture set.
- 830 Rubles.
- And 20 extra.
I paid 25.
That's your business.
My god! I must be hallucinating!
And above all you stole our family
screen!
Why did mother put someone else's
plates on the table?
At last you are beginning
to see things clearly!
What is there to see?
You broke in,
rearranged the furniture...
Changed the plates.
What did you with my chandelier?
Took it to a pawn shop.
What for?
Where am I?
25, 3rd Constructors St. Apartment 12.
That's right, that's my address.
I swear it is!
But somehow I have a feeling,
that I'm not at home.
It's settled then!
You can leave now.
I can't go anywhere
looking like that.
- My dress!
- Don't strip me!
- Give me back my coat!
- You tread on my foot!
That's outrageous!
It's my flat and I'm registered here!
- Your flat?
- Yes, and my mother's!
- I'll show you my passport.
- You sot!
Boor! Where's my jacket?
- How do I know?
- Who knows then?
It's grey with a striped pattern...
I bought it at Mostorg.
Here it is, there's my little jacket.
I'll show you where I live.
Breaking into people's...
There you go...
Apt. 12, 25, 3rd Constructors St.,
Moscow.
There you go. An official document.
Now would you please leave.
All right, I've had enough.
- What is it?
- Moscow!
That's right, Moscow.
- Is that so?
- What do you mean?
You think you're in Moscow?
And where do you think I am?
Now I see...
Any objections? In Moscow, darling,
in the capital.
Wait...
What do you want there?
Stop rummaging about
through my things!
- There.
- What did you take this out for?
What is this?
Apt. 12, 25, 3rd Constructors St.,
Leningrad.
What?
Are you hinting,
that I am in Leningrad?
- Exactly.
- What do you mean "exactly"?
In Leningrad.
How did I get here?
You poor thing.
- We went to a bathhouse.
- Glad for you.
- And now leave.
- I have nowhere to go.
Don't swing your arms about!
Do you mean to say
I am in Leningrad right now?
I am here?
In the city on the Neva river?
I remember everything clearly.
We went to the airport
to see Pavel off.
Before that we went to take a bath.
That means,
I flew away instead of Pavel?
- You have to stop drinking.
- I don't drink at all.
It was an accident.
So I'm in Leningrad!
That's terrible!
My Galya is in Moscow,
and here I am,
sitting on the floor in Leningrad.
God, I wish at least
it was some other city.
Don't... What's going on there?
Please don't open it!
If you don't open right away,
you'll make it worse.
For your information, it's him!
Who's he? Don't open it!
I have to put my pants on.
- Hello, darling.
- Hello.
Happy New Year, Nadya.
Give me your coat.
- How was your trip?
- Don't even ask!
The roads are slippery with ice.
You ought to be careful.
You are such a daredevil.
Thank you, Nadya.
If you only knew how I missed you,
darling.
I couldn't wait to see you myself.
Thank you, dearest.
I prepared a New Year
present for you.
Thank you.
I have a present for you too.
Only it's in the room.
Ippolit, I have to tell you
something.
You won't believe it.
You'll die of laughter!
I come home, and on my sofa...
I find a stranger.
I couldn't wake him up.
I pored water over him from a teapot.
- So I see...
- Please, I beg you!
- Happy New Year.
- Behave yourself.
Please!
A nice present. Thank you.
Just let me explain.
She has nothing to do with it.
It's all my fault.
I would like to know something.
Yes, please.
- Who is he?
- I don't know him.
He's a perfect stranger.
A stranger...
How did he get here?
By an incredible coincidence.
He also lives at
25, Constructors St. Apartment 12.
Only in Moscow.
In Moscow!
- What is that?
- Those are my pants.
Careful, you'll rumple them.
He went to a bathhouse
with his friends, had a drink...
- Look at him.
- I will, in due time.
And they put him on board
an airplane, by mistake.
Where? In the bathhouse?
No, there are no airplanes
in a bathhouse.
I'm not talking to you!
Tell him,
we were taking a bath with Pavel.
Will you shut up!
From the bathhouse they went
straight to the airport.
To see Pavel off.
- To see Pavel off.
- So Pavel is here too?!
No, there's no Pavel.
I'm here instead of him.
So you expected Pavel, but instead
came this character?
She expected no one!
I expected no one.
- It was a mistake.
- They registered him as luggage?
What luggage?
Or maybe I don't remember.
I will explain everything.
Only first I have to get dressed.
Will you hold this for me.
I will get dressed
and explain everything.
- He is so ugly!
- Absolutely disgusting!
That is a matter of taste.
I haven't done anything to you.
- How did he get into your bed?
- By accident.
I beg your pardon, lady.
What is your name?
He was in your bed,
but he doesn't know your name!
Stop pushing me!
Ippolit, wait!
Something fell on me!
If he knew what my name was,
would you stay?
- Stop it!
- Please stay!
I don't know his name either.
I never saw this man before!
Now I believe you.
The modern morals!
Why are you dropping me
all the time?
I hurt my shoulder.
I am leaving now.
Let us not ruin the evening.
Don't make me answer for something
I haven't done.
Some debauchee
broke into my apartment!
I'm not a debauchee, I'm a doctor.
Supposing he got
to Leningrad by mistake,
And he has the same address.
- But why did you let him in?
- I didn't!
You've got to believe her!
I came in myself.
- My key fit.
- You gave him the key?
She didn't. Jesus, you're stupid!
Stop pushing me around.
Some pushy people.
Why don't you believe me?
Why don't you believe us?
I find this character
as disgusting as you do.
Right now I find myself
disgusting too.
I'm sorry.
Good bye.
The house looks just the same.
Excuse me,
how do I get to the airport?
Bus No. 30 stops round the corner.
- Is this really Leningrad?
- You shouldn't drink so much.
Please don't be sulky with me.
And don't be jealous.
If I fall in love with someone,
you will be the first to know.
"Don't be jealous".
I'm not angry with you,
but you have to understand me too.
- Here I come to you, and I see...
- I understand.
I understand very well.
I'd kick up a row myself,
if I were in your place!
The fact that he appeared
in your house is typical of you.
- Why is that?
- You are sloppy.
Don't say anything.
You are disorganized.
He would hardly show up at my place.
I wouldn't be surprised
if you hadn't found him at all.
Who cares what rags
are lying about the place!
You're right.
I didn't see him at first.
Real French perfume!
- It's so expensive!
- It's nothing.
- I have a present for you too.
- Not another one?
Here. An electric shaver,
the latest model.
Nadya, you didn't have to!
With sliding blades.
It's too expensive.
I follow your example.
I forgot to put on my evening dress!
I won't be long.
Don't peep!
You shouldn't drink so much!
You shouldn't drink so much!
It becomes you.
I'm glad you like it.
Very much.
Let's see out the past year.
It was the year I met you.
And I met you.
It is my favorite holiday!
Nadya...
Yes?
Nadya, darling, I have a...
I have a favor to ask.
Here...
I love it when you sing.
It's just that you are not impartial
towards me.
You bet!
You bet I'm not impartial!
It's been many years now,
that along my street
I hear footsteps.
Those are my friends leaving.
The slow lingering
sound of my friends' footsteps
Are absorbed by the darkness outside.
Oh, loneliness,
you are so harsh on me.
Flashing your iron compasses,
Cold-bloodedly
you close the circle,
Paying no attention
to useless pleas.
Let me rise on tiptoe in your forest,
At the other end
of the slow motion,
Find fallen leaves
and bring them close tom my face,
And take my loneliness as A bliss.
Give me the silence
of your libraries,
The austere music of your concerts,
And I'll be wise,
and I will forget all those,
Who passed away,
and who are still living.
And I will get to know
wisdom and sorrow,
Objects will reveal their hidden
meaning to me,
Nature leaning toward my shoulders
Will open its childish secrets.
And only then from out of tears
and darkness,
From out of the poor ignorance
of the past
The beautiful faces of my friends
Will flash for an instant,
to dissolve again.
The beautiful faces of my friends
Will flash for an instant,
to dissolve again.
- To whose poem is that written?
- Akhmadulina.
What do you want?
- Salad or roast beef?
- Salad... And roast beef.
Nadya, listen to me...
Tonight, on the last night
of the year I intend
to put the question point-blank.
I think
we have to get this unmarried
situation over and done with.
What do you think?
I think it is a wonderful idea.
Only on one condition:
that you will not be jealous of me.
You see, I'm not that young
anymore, and I feel...
Who is that?
I haven't the slightest idea.
Excuse me!
I beg your pardon.
I'm sorry, I wouldn't dream
of using my own key.
What is it you want now?
You see, it so happens...
I don't know anyone in this city,
except you.
And I have no money.
Not a copeck, as it appears.
And they won't sell me a ticket
without money.
Could I borrow 15-16 Rubles from you?
I'll send you the money
first thing tomorrow.
Through wire transfer.
Looks like I will have to pay you
to leave us alone.
Please do.
And now I ask you as a man:
What were you doing here?
- Here?
- Yes, here.
For God's sake, calm down.
I will explain everything.
You see, we have this tradition.
Every year on December 31 me
and my friends go to the bathhouse.
We wash ourselves.
It's been many years now.
After that Pavel was to go
to Leningrad.
And I was planning
on getting married.
To whom?
To whom?
That's not the point now.
In the bathhouse we had a drink.
To my fiancee, to me.
Are you an alcoholic?
No, I don't drink at all.
I drink tea, coffee, liquid yogurt,..
soft drinks, water...
- Nadya? please.
- Don't overdo it!
I am absolutely calm!
After the bath
we went to the airport.
Then we had some more to drink,
but that part I don't remember.
I think they must have put me on
that plane instead of Pavel.
I swear to God!
- It's as simple as that.
- Yes. And very truthful.
- What did you do in the plane?
- I flew.
- Flew?
- Sleeping.
I slept...
Supposing you don't remember
how you got on that plane.
But you have to remember
how you got out of it.
Yes! I have to.
But I don't.
But I do remember
that I came here by cab.
I said my home address,
and the driver brought me here.
Supposing the key fit.
Nadya, please...
Supposing the key fit,
the address was the same,
but you had to notice,
that the furniture was different!
It's the same!
But there's a mess here,
because the people have just moved in.
We've also just moved in!
Me and my mother.
That's enough!
Here's 15 Rubles, now leave.
You don't know how grateful I am,
friends!
You have to pay for your pleasures.
I can't leave
without kissing you good-buy!
You could have at least
waited until I leave.
- Ippolit, wait!
- Who do you take me for, an idiot?
Ippolit!
- What did you tell him?
- The truth.
What truth?
Would you please help me
to my feet.
I wore myself out with you folks.
I told him, we go to this bathhouse.
On December 31.
It's a tradition we have. We wash every year.
That's exactly what I told him.
Please don't cry.
I'll go get him. Ippolit!
Wait, don't leave!
Ippolit! Sorry, I don't know
your patronymic.
Wait!
Don't leave! Wait!
Don't bee a fool!
Be a man, for Christ's sake!
He left.
He drives faster than I run.
Here, take your 15 Rubles.
Thank you,
I'll wire the money tomorrow.
I hate you. You ruined my life.
He will come back, believe me.
You'll see.
The hot-tempered and the jealous
don't bear grudges for too long.
If you only knew,
how well I understand you.
My situation is even worse.
A woman is waiting for me
in Moscow in an empty apartment.
The woman I love.
And here I am, in Leningrad.
And?
She doesn't know where you are?
No, she must be hysterical.
- Call her.
- I don't have a telephone card.
Call credit. Through the operator.
You are a sympathetic person.
- Do you mind if I take my coat off?
- Whatever.
Thank you.
Operator!
Happy New Year!
I need to make a phone call.
To Moscow.
Number in Moscow? 454-60-21.
Who will answer? Galya.
That is, if she answers.
In Leningrad? One moment please.
Stay there!
- What is your number?
- 14-50-30.
Operator! 14-50-30.
When?
Can you make it faster?
She said, within an hour.
Oh, God...
I'll wait on the landing, and you
will call me.
Or you can explain everything
yourself.
And I'll go.
Oh no, you sort out your own
problems.
2 minutes to go before the New
Year.
Open the Champagne.
It's in the fridge.
No luck again. It's just not my day!
I'm sorry.
Happy New Year.
What's your name?
Nadya.
I'm Zhenya.
Happy New Year, Nadya.
Same to you.
What a good beginning of a new
year.
Couldn't be better.
That's true.
There is an omen:
You will live through the new year
the same way you see it in.
What doctor are you?
I'm a surgeon.
And what are you?
A teacher.
I teach Russian and literature.
Literature - that's wonderful.
I have to find out, when's the first
flight to Moscow.
- How do I do that? - There's a
telephone book over there.
Hello? Operator? Happy New Year.
When is the first flight to Moscow,
please?
That's the first one?
It's at 7 a. m.
Nadya, don't worry. I'll leave as
soon as I talk to Galya.
I'm beginning to think, you will
never leave here.
Please don't worry.
Everything will be fine.
There's Moscow now!
Moscow?!
I think it was Ippolit.
- Who?
- Ippolit.
Why did you have to pick it up? Who
asked you to?
How was I supposed to know? I
thought it was Moscow.
I'm terribly sorry.
Hello! Hello!
Leningrad?
I'll answer it!
Hello? Yes, Moscow.
Moscow? Hello!
Would you please.
- Galya, darling, it's me.
- You are in Leningrad?
Thanks for calling anyway.
Galya, Happy...
Happy New Year.
You called to wish me a Happy New
Year?
- Not only that.
- I'm touched.
I will explain everything.
Wait till you hear this incredible
story.
You won't believe it.
I was so worried, I called all city
hospitals and morgues.
And you simply ran away from me.
I love you very much.
Now I understand why you told me
about Leningrad.
This is a different story.
It has nothing to do with you.
Every year on December 31 my
friends and I go to a bathhouse.
It's an old tradition.
There's nothing more to talk about.
You can check. My number is
14-50-30.
I'm taking the first flight to
Moscow.
No need to be in a hurry.
I'll leave the key on the table.
No, please! Don't leave it!
That's for me! Don't answer it!
Galya!
3 minutes? Thank you.
Well, that's it.
I don't have a fiancee any more.
No big deal, you'll find yourself
another one.
Another one? What do you know
about it?
All my life I've been looking for the
right woman.
I was never married.
And now finally when I found her...
Why are you raising your voice at
me?
I've had enough of your stupid
advice.
Don't forget, you are at my place.
The hell with your stupid apartment!
Together with your stupid Otello!
Impudent boor!
You are a boor.
Well if I am a boor, you are...
What am I? Get out!
I'm not going anywhere.
- The flight is at 7 a.m.
- Then I will leave.
Good riddance! I'm hungry as hell.
- Oh no you don't!
- I'm hungry!
You know, you're a genuine
termagant.
One more word, and the next plate
will crash into your head.
Your Galya left you.
And she did the right thing.
Now she will find a man worthy of
her.
- What?
- What about?
You don't object?
Nothing you can say to that?
No, it's just that I'm afraid of the
next plate.
And you are right.
That's Ippolit.
Jump off the balcony.
I'm not an idiot to fracture my legs.
Happy New Year, Nadya!
We were in the neighborhood and
decided to drop by.
We left my husband downstairs.
- He would sit for ages.
- It's not easy to get rid of a man.
Where is he? Show us.
There he is. In all his glory.
Valya.
Tanya.
Dear Ippolit Georgievich!
- We are Nadya's friends.
- We work in the same school.
She's been hiding you from us.
We came here to wish you
happiness.
We want you to know what a
wonderful person she is.
Everyone loves her: colleagues,
parents and even children.
She is sympathetic.
She is socially active and hangs in
the Hall of Fame.
I'm not the one...
Don't listen to him! Please sit down.
- Call your husband.
- We don't want to interfere!
There's nothing to interfere into. We
hardly know each other.
What's your patronymic?
Vasilyevna.
I've known Nadezhda Vasilyevna
since 11 p.m.
Ippolit, stop fooling around. That's
enough.
Let him make jokes. He's good at it.
But I am not Ipppolit.
I like your attitude to one another.
The attitude is rather complex.
You need a towel, it's going to shoot
out.
I will be careful.
Well, friends, here's to your happy
married life!
Thank you, I'm not drinking.
- No, no, I won't.
- Yes you will!
- Have you all gone mad?
- Bottoms up!
- Well, you have to kiss now!
- Kiss her!
I object! I won't let you make a
laughing-stock of me!
Get away from me! I don't want to
kiss you!
Let go of me! You have to explain
everything to them!
Nadya, Nadya, what are you doing?
And even now I still insist, I'm not
Ippolit.
Ippolit Georgievich,
Do you like to listen to her singing?
I don't know, I never heard her sing.
- You never sang to him?
- That's an inexcusable mistake.
- I don't like amateur singing.
- It's not amateur.
Give us our favorite - "Carriages".
The train starts off for
Tikhoretskaya.
The carriage sets off, And the
platform stays behind.
The brick wall, The station clock,
White shawls, White shawls,
White shawls waving,
White shawls, Sad eyes.
Passengers in the smoking
Compartment try to worm
My past and present out of me,
I'll feed them a load of lies,
Let them wonder,
But who I said good-bye to,
Who I said good-bye to,
Who I said good-bye to,
Who I said good-bye to
Is none of your business.
A sailor in a stripped vest
Will open his soul to me,
He'll tell me about his hard Living,
He'll get off at the next station
And wave good-bye,
The carriage will set off,
The carriage will set off,
The carriage will set off,
The carriage will set off,
And he will stay back.
The train starts off
for Tikhoretskaya,
The carriage sets off,
And the platform stays behind,
The brick wall,
The station clock,
White shawls,
White shawls,
White shawls,
White shawls,
Sad eyes.
Never heard anything like tha before.
Guys, I'm enjoying myself!
Lets go, my man must be
cold out there.
Nadya and Ippolit, be happy!
I'm tired of denying it.
I'm not Ippolit.
All the happiness in the world!
Nadya, let me kiss you.
We're off!
A good man, serious and reliable.
God bless you! Happy New Year!
Why did you do that for?
Did you have to harp on
like a parrot:
"I'm not Ippolit! I'm not Ippolit!"
Did you expect me to tell them
about the bathhouse,
so that tomorrow
the whole school would know,
that I spent the New Year's eve
with some rogue?
I'm not a rogue.
I'm a miserable person.
As if a miserable person
can't be a rogue.
How do you intend
to produce the real Ippolit?
Most likely there will be
no real one.
Why do I have to comfort you
all the time?
Why isn't anyone comforting me?
My situation is much worse.
At least you are at home.
- But it is all your fault!
- It was an accident.
I'm a victim of circumstances myself!
You mind if I eat something?
Help yourself.
There's so much food.
I hate to through it all away.
I haven't eaten anything
since last year.
Tastes good!
- Did you make that yourself?
- Well of course.
Wanted to produce an impression.
And you succeeded.
I mean to say, I am a gourmet.
And I hate to cook.
With my lazy-bones I hardly have
any time for cooking anyway.
- You teach them?
- Yes.
And they teach me.
I try to teach them to think.
If at least a little.
And have a personal opinion
about everything.
- Can I have some more?
- Of course.
- What do they teach you?
- I guess, the same thing.
This is not fish.
This is anything but fish in aspic.
This is... It needs some
horse-radish to go with.
And I represent the most
conservative of all professions.
We can compete there.
No, I'm serious.
With us it is dangerous
to have a personal opinion.
What if it's a wrong one?
Doctors' mistakes
are extremely costly.
Teachers' mistakes
are not that obvious,
But in the end
they are no less costly.
Maybe you're right.
Still you and me have the most
wonderful and the most needed jobs
in the world.
Not judging by the salaries.
That's right.
When your friends were saying
all these good things about you,
God knows why I felt proud.
No use wheedling.
By the way, unlike you,
your friend noticed,
That I'm a reliable serious person.
You didn't break into her house.
That's true,
I didn't break into her house yet.
What an unusual way
to see in the New Year.
If we ever meet again, by chance,
I think we will laugh ourselves
to death.
Well, it wasn't funny,
when I first saw you
sleeping on my sofa.
What about me?
Imagine me waking up at home
and seeing a strange woman,
who pours water over me.
And crying: "Get out of here!"
I cried back: "Get out yourself!"
I was so indignant,
I didn't know what to do.
Who is this man?
If he's a thief,
then why did he go to sleep?
He got tired and went to sleep
in the home, he had just robbed?
You know, I didn't like you at first.
And you looked utterly disgusting!
I can imagine!
Shall I open it?
End of Part One.
Barbara BRYLSKA
Yuri YAKOVLEV
in Eldar RYAZANOV's film
THE IRONY OF FATE
OR SAUNA BLUES
A totally untypical story,
that could have happened
only and solely on New Year's eve.
Screenplay:
Emil BRAGINSKY
Eldar RYAZANOV
D.O.P.
Vladimir NAKHABTSEV
Production designer
Alexander BORISOV
Music:
Mikhael TARIVERDIEV
Songs to poems by
Marina TSVETAEVA
Boris PASTERNAK
Bella AKHMADULINA
Vladimir KIRSHON
Yevgeny YEVTUSHENKO
Mikhail LVOVSKY
Alexander ARONOV
Also starring
Lyubov DOBRZHANSKAYA
Olga NAUMENKO
Lia AKHEDZHAKOVA
Valentina TALYZINA
Alexande SHIRVINDT
Georgy BURKOV
Alexander BELYAVSKY
Lyubov SOKOLOVA
Gotlib RONINSON
Moscow suburban villages:
Troparevo, Chertanovo,
Medvedkovo
and of course Cheremushki
didn't think,
that they will be immortalized
on the same gruesome day,
that they will be wiped off
the face of the Earth.
The village Cheremushki gave
its name to a new neighborhood,
That grew in the South-Western
part of the capital.
Nearly every Soviet city nowadays
has its own Cheremushki
neighborhood.
In bygone days when someone
found himself in a strange city,
he felt lost and lonely.
Everything around was strange:
houses, streets and life itself.
But it's all different now.
A person comes to a strange city,
but feels at home there.
To think what lengths of absurdity
our ancestors went to,
when they designed different
architectural projects!
Nowadays in every city you will find
a standard movie theatre "Rocket",
where you can see
a standard film.
- Do you sell oranges?
- Over there.
Everyone come to the fair!
Christmas decorations, fireworks
and presents for everyone.
Here, my friends!
Names of the streets are
not too inventive either.
What city doesn't have
a 1st Sadovaya or a 2nd Zagorodnaya,
a 3rd Factory St., a Park St.,
an Industrial St.,
or a 3rd Constructors St.?
Sounds romantic, doesn't it?
Staircases that all look the same
are all painted with a standard
pleasant color.
Standard apartments furnished
with standard furniture,
standard locks cut into
blind featureless doors.
Zhenya, darling,
I have an unusual proposition.
Oh, is that so?
I'm scared already.
Zhenya, let's see
in the New Year together.
Well of course.
Isn't that how we planned it?
No.
You don't understand.
Let it be just you and me.
What do you mean "just you and me"?
I don't understand.
Let's not go to the Katanyans.
But that's impossible, Galya.
We've already made arrangements.
They are my friends.
And you've already made your crab salad.
You know I love crabs!
That's great.
We'll eat them together.
Where will we eat them?
You are so slow!
We will stay here, at your place.
Right here?
But what about the Katanyans?
Oleg invites me to celebrate
at the Ostankino TV
tower restaurant.
Give me the top.
- It rotates.
- Who?
The restaurant.
Well if you want to rotate,
then please do.
I want to see in the
New Year with you.
Really? Let's do it then!
- You are so stupid!
- And who else shall we invite?
That's the point. No one.
What do you mean, no one?
And what about my mother?
Your mother will go someplace.
She'll cook everything,
lay the table, I'll help her.
You got a terrific mom.
Wonderful idea! How come
I didn't think about it myself?
One of the two has to be more
clever than the other.
- It will be you.
- Zhenya, stop it!
And what about the Katanyans?
I don't understand...
Oleg invited me to see
in the New Year
at a monastery in Suzdal.
To hell with Oleg!
To hell with the monastery!
I don't want to go anywhere.
I want to be with you.
With me?
Excuse me, I'm looking
for the 3rd Constructors St.
It's over there,
behind those tall buildings.
- You'll see a church there.
- Thank you.
We will see in the New Year together.
Just you and me.
I'll have one too many...
and become brave and bold...
And I'll finally tell you
everything I have to tell you.
Znenya!
I don't believe it!
Are you going to propose?
After two years of being together...
Let's wait until New Year's eve,
when the bells chime...
Let's wait...
It's just that I'm afraid
you will never summon your courage.
It is the cowardice...
of an old bachelor.
You know,
I already proposed to a woman once.
To my utter amazement
she said "yes".
But when I imagined,
that she will come
to live at my place,
and every day...
she will flash before my eyes...
hither and thither,
hither and thither...
I broke down and ran
away to Leningrad.
Will you run away from me too?
It's impossible to run away from you.
My decision is final an irreversible.
I held on for a long
time and finally broke.
Zhenya...
What do you think,
when do people sing?
Sing?
When? At street rallies.
- Well... Any other time?
- They sing in the opera.
They sing when they
have one too many.
Stupid! You know when people sing?
- When they don't have
a musical ear? - No.
- When they're happy.
- That's right.
There will be no one in the house,
Just the twilight,
Just one winter day
In the opening of the curtains,
Someone forgot to shut,
Curtains, someone forgot to shut.
Just damp white snow lumps
Swiftly flying by.
There's just the roofs and
the snow, and...
Just the roofs and the snow,
And no one else,
There's no one else.
And once again the hoarfrost
Will draw its tracery,
And like before I will be
caught in the whirlwind
Of last year's despondency,
and the memories of another witer,
And the memories of another Winter.
But suddenly the curtain shudder
with someone's intrusion.
Measuring the silence with
your soft steps,
Measuring the silence,
you will appear like the future itself.
You will be standing in the doorway,
Dressed in something
white and simple,
Like one of those fabrics,
Out of which they make snow flakes,
Out of which they make snow flakes.
There will be no one in the house,
Just the twilight.
Just one winter day in the opening
Of the curtains,
someone forgot to shut,
Curtains, someone forgot to shut.
- Maria Dmitrievna...
- Quiet!
Happy New Year!
Not so loud, will you!
Why?
- Who is it, mother?
- It's just a neighbor, dear.
- What's going on?
- Pavel, come back tomorrow.
I'm leaving for Leningrad tonight.
Well, bon voyage.
What do you think you're doing?
- Mother, who is it again?
- A telegram from aunt Vera.
Remember how you taught us boys
to always tell
the truth?
There are situations
when it's better to tell a lye.
But Misha and Sasha
are waiting for us at the bathhouse.
That's no problem.
I'm leaving to Leningrad right after.
Why do you have to go to
Leningrad?
Irina is there on business,
and I'm flying over
to see in the New Year with her.
What's going on anyway?
- It's a secret.
- What secret?
- You'll find out in due time.
- Zhenya has no secrets from me.
Go on, split!
Zhenya, I have to go.
I have so much to do!
- Galya!..
- What?
Galya...
The thing is...
How do they say that?..
I love you.
I want you to marry me.
But I will always be flashing before
your eyes.
Please do.
I want you to.
Here's the key.
Come at 11 to see in the New Year.
Shall I bring the salad?
The salad?
I didn't understand the main thing:
do you say "yes"?
I took the key, didn't I?
And what does that mean?
That doesn't mean anything.
See you tonight.
Say good-bye to your mother from me.
- I'm worried about the Katanyans.
- Forget it.
Mother!
Amidst a bustling ball,
Suddenly...
In the troubles
of the mundane bustle...
- I think I'm getting married.
- I think so too.
What do you think of Galya?
You're the one
who's getting married, not me.
But you are my mother!
I hope you won't forget it
after you get married.
I take it that you don't like her.
Well, I'm not particularly
mad about her,
But she's rather intelligent
and has good manners.
I see.
If you don't get married now,
you'll never get married.
I'm already 36...
It's not very polite
to remind me of my age.
Even though I take no offense.
Get up!
Stop it! I'm not offended.
I'm a terrific mom, remember?
I'll cook everything
and go visit a friend.
- Where are the goblets?
- I'll find them. Goblets!
They should be here.
Moving from one place to another,
you can't find a thing.
They're not here.
There they are!
I wonder what she saw in me?
She's much younger than I am.
And then, she's so beautiful!
I'm also surprised,
she chose such a dimwit.
Dimwit?
Did you have to tell her
about Leningrad?
When a man proposes to one woman,
he doesn't talk about another.
- Oh really? I didn't know.
- Yes.
Now I know everything!
Now I know how a man should propose.
You windbag!
- Who rang the doorbell all the time?
- Pavel.
He's leaving for Leningrad.
I told him to go away.
Maybe I could go
to the bathhouse anyway?
It won't do you any harm,
If you will see
in the New Year clean.
It's decided. I'll go take a bath.
A bath in every apartment -
that's the way it should be.
This is civilization.
- Are you talking to me?
- Yes.
But the process of washing yourself,
that in a bathhouse acquires
the meaning of a ceremonial ritual,
In your bath at home
is just scraping off the dirt.
And then this Russian tradition
of wishing "A light steam".
Here's a refill.
Did you ever see steam
in your bathroom at home?
Misha is right, a good bath
makes you clean, body and soul.
Guys!
It's great here, but I have to go.
No, you won't get away with that.
We're all waiting.
What are you waiting for?
Aren't we gonna drink to your
engagement?
Here, in the bathhouse?
Zhenya is right.
They don't serve alcohol in a bathhouse.
If not for me,
the situation would be hopeless.
There you go!
No, no, I can't.
Just one shot.
I have to go to the airport.
No sweat, guys!
Everyone has to be in shape.
Why don't we do it tomorrow!
At my place.
I'll introduce you to my wife.
Tomorrow I will be in Leningrad.
Go ahead, drink.
I wonder what you chose.
Not "what", but "who"!
That's terrible: Vodka after beer.
I'm just off a night shift...
There, here's a chocolate bar.
Something to chase it down with.
All right, just one shot.
Pavel, your toast.
You are the most eloquent of us.
- And you - the least intelligent.
- Thank you.
Here's a oast...
To Zhenya Lukashin.
No, seriously.
The most bashful one of us,
who finally overcame his shyness
and decided to get married.
The last one of us.
Zhenya, now the serious part.
Be happy!
- Be happy, Zhenya.
- This calls for a drink.
This is serious.
Listen, what's her name?
She has a beautiful name.
Galya.
And what's more, an uncommon one.
Guys, we have no choice.
Here's to Galya!
To Galya bottoms up!
Galya, be happy!
You bastards!
I had a night shift...
Not cold enough!
Tell us how you met.
It's a long story.
She came to my outpatients clinic.
Is she sick?
No.
She had a dislocation.
A kink! Well that explains
why she is marrying you.
Let's drink to them both
being healthy.
Where do you get those bottles from?
Put it away!
My wife asked me
to buy some for tonight.
If we go on at such pace,
I have good chances
of missing my plane.
Pavel, trust me. I never get drunk.
Give me your ticket.
It's definitely bad for my health!
She'll think I'm an alcoholic!
That's unheard of!
A doctor refuses to drink to good health.
Why did I have to come here!
Now tell us how you met her.
Are you asking me? Who with?
Galya. Or is there someone else?
No, there's no one. I'm single.
- What to?
- Let's drink to bachelors.
To unmarried life! Hip-hip-hurrah!
You can't miss this one!
It's all the same to you!
But I can't imagine
what's going to happen to me,
if I maybe come home in time
to see in the New Year.
People, I have a very
important toast.
You've had enough.
You're getting married, remember?
I haven't forgotten.
If you do, I will remind you.
Guys, let's drink to our friendship.
That's a good boy!
Good speech!
You're a natural born orator.
Give me some space.
Let's weigh ourselves "Brudershaft".
What will the two of us
weigh together?
Guys, I have a lyrical
romantic toast.
That's enough!
We have to go to the airport.
- What for?
- One of us is going to Leningrad.
- Let's go!
- Let's fly!
Fasten your bed-sheets!
Prepare for takeoff!
Down below, under the wing sings
the green see of the Taiga.
Down below, under the wing sings
the green see of the Taiga.
Attention all passengers,
boarding TU-134,
flight 392,
en route from Moscow to Leningrad.
All passengers please proceed
to the departure gate.
- I think that's our flight.
- I think you're right.
Do you remember,
which one of us is flying?
No.
Wait, trust me.
- Let's appeal to common logic.
- Let's.
- Are you flying to Leningrad?
- No.
Me neither.
Flight No 392 to Leningrad
boarding now.
Can Pavel be flying to Leningrad?
He can.
What about Zhenya?
He can too.
They both can.
Shall we cast lots?
Let's not give ourselves
into the hands of chance.
When in the bathhouse,
what did we drink to?
Lukashin's health.
Because he's getting married.
- You've got an amazing memory.
- Later.
That means,
Zhenya is flying to Leningrad,
to attend his own wedding.
And he would say so himself,
if he wasn't that tired.
Wait!
He said he met his fiancee
at his outpatient clinic,
when she came to see a doctor.
I will answer you.
What does that mean?
Than means, she was in Moscow on
a business trip.
Iron logic.
Boarding Aeroflot flight 392
en route from Moscow to Leningrad
completed.
Careful!
- Where are you taking me?
- To meet your happiness.
Wait! It's a good thing
we washed him.
Attention! Flight
392 from Moscow has just landed.
- Careful!
- What did I do to deserve this?
Flight from Moscow has just landed.
I'm cold!
Damn!
You shouldn't drink so much.
Pavel!
Attention all passengers
flying to Krasnoyarsk.
Your flight is delayed until 12 p.m.
due to bad weather in Krasnoyarsk.
What time is it?
2 hours 50 minutes to go until the
New Year.
Watch yourself, young man!
- Where am I?
- Same place I am.
- And where are you?
- At the airport.
It's bad weather in Krasnoyarsk.
At worst I'll see in the New Year
in this armchair...
And at best?
Also in an armchair, only in the air.
Have you ever seen in
the New Year in the air?
No. And I don't want to.
Me either. But what can I do?
- Who are you?
- I'm a human being.
We saw Pavel to the airport,
and now I'm going home.
Very well, all the best.
- Happy New Year.
- Same to you.
Drop the familiarities.
Don't you think it's too early,
young man?
You free?
- Yes. Where to?
- 3rd Constructors St.,
25, apartment 12, 4th floor.
I don't care if it's the 5th!
Taxi!
Let me out of here!
People! Happy New Year!
Home at last!
I'm home.
"There will be no one in he
house..."
And who are these people here?
You're not afraid of me?
Careful!
I fell through. Thank you.
Go ahead... Only after you...
You won't bite me, will you?
Going up.
Come visit me. It's apartment 12.
"Jim, give me your paw for
happiness". - Come on.
He doesn't want to!
Happy New Year to you!
Dogs walking around!
Mother!
Careful, careful...
Hold the elevator, please!
Hey!..
Wake up! Do you hear me?
Wake up this very minute! Get up!
Are you dead or alive?
All right!..
Wake up now! Do you hear me?
Get up! What are you doing here?
Don't jolt me!
I want to get some sleep.
Who are you? How did you get here?
Stop jolting me! Get up!
- You're hurting me!
- Get up this very minute!
Stop disturbing me!
Unbelievable!
All right, you asked for it!
I warn you for the last time.
Oh, that feels good!
Can I have some more?
I'm sailing away!
What is this?
What are you doing? It's wet!
Are you crazy?
Have you all gone mad?
I'm not a flower-bed.
Who are you?
What's going on here?
Get out of here now!
This is unheard of!
- What are you doing here?
- I was sleeping.
What? What do you want?
Stop playing the fool!
- Why?
- What are you doing lying here?
Get out this instant!
Now!
What a boor! It's not enough
that you broke into my flat,
but you behave like a gangster!
What is this?
- Your flat?
- That's right, I live here.
- Then where do you suppose I live?
- I don't know.
And I don't care. That's outrageous!
For your information my fiancee
will be coming any minute now.
I don't want her
to see you here.
How come your fiancee
will be coming to my place?
It's a bad time for jokes!
My head's splitting!
What time is it?
My god, it's nearly 11 p.m.!
I'm expecting guests.
And you presence
here is not at all welcome.
How come your friends
will be coming to my place?
I'm thirsty!
Are you crazy? W
hy do you behave so outrageously?
Listen to me!
Get a hold of yourself.
Where do you think you are?
At home. 25, 3rd Constructors St...
Oh no!
I live at 25, 3rd Constructor St.,
Apartment 12.
Oh no, darling.
Shoo!
Stop being a nuisance!
I live here with my mother.
32 meters of space.
No, me and my mother occupy
these 32 meters of space.
Congratulations!
Can't say we have very big apartments.
Very sharp observation.
Who wrapped me
in this thing anyway?
I will be much obliged,
if you would evaporate
this very minute.
Don't jolt me around!
I want some respect!
Mother!
Mother left.
I'll kill you!
- Whose mother left?
- Thank god, we have different mothers.
Really?
Pardon me... And both mothers left?
I have a feeling, one of us is nuts.
I know which one it is.
Yes, me too.
Are you hinting at me?
Madhouse!
Why did you move my cupboard?
It stands exactly where they put it.
It is my Polish furniture set.
- 830 Rubles.
- And 20 extra.
I paid 25.
That's your business.
My god! I must be hallucinating!
And above all you stole our family
screen!
Why did mother put someone else's
plates on the table?
At last you are beginning
to see things clearly!
What is there to see?
You broke in,
rearranged the furniture...
Changed the plates.
What did you with my chandelier?
Took it to a pawn shop.
What for?
Where am I?
25, 3rd Constructors St. Apartment 12.
That's right, that's my address.
I swear it is!
But somehow I have a feeling,
that I'm not at home.
It's settled then!
You can leave now.
I can't go anywhere
looking like that.
- My dress!
- Don't strip me!
- Give me back my coat!
- You tread on my foot!
That's outrageous!
It's my flat and I'm registered here!
- Your flat?
- Yes, and my mother's!
- I'll show you my passport.
- You sot!
Boor! Where's my jacket?
- How do I know?
- Who knows then?
It's grey with a striped pattern...
I bought it at Mostorg.
Here it is, there's my little jacket.
I'll show you where I live.
Breaking into people's...
There you go...
Apt. 12, 25, 3rd Constructors St.,
Moscow.
There you go. An official document.
Now would you please leave.
All right, I've had enough.
- What is it?
- Moscow!
That's right, Moscow.
- Is that so?
- What do you mean?
You think you're in Moscow?
And where do you think I am?
Now I see...
Any objections? In Moscow, darling,
in the capital.
Wait...
What do you want there?
Stop rummaging about
through my things!
- There.
- What did you take this out for?
What is this?
Apt. 12, 25, 3rd Constructors St.,
Leningrad.
What?
Are you hinting,
that I am in Leningrad?
- Exactly.
- What do you mean "exactly"?
In Leningrad.
How did I get here?
You poor thing.
- We went to a bathhouse.
- Glad for you.
- And now leave.
- I have nowhere to go.
Don't swing your arms about!
Do you mean to say
I am in Leningrad right now?
I am here?
In the city on the Neva river?
I remember everything clearly.
We went to the airport
to see Pavel off.
Before that we went to take a bath.
That means,
I flew away instead of Pavel?
- You have to stop drinking.
- I don't drink at all.
It was an accident.
So I'm in Leningrad!
That's terrible!
My Galya is in Moscow,
and here I am,
sitting on the floor in Leningrad.
God, I wish at least
it was some other city.
Don't... What's going on there?
Please don't open it!
If you don't open right away,
you'll make it worse.
For your information, it's him!
Who's he? Don't open it!
I have to put my pants on.
- Hello, darling.
- Hello.
Happy New Year, Nadya.
Give me your coat.
- How was your trip?
- Don't even ask!
The roads are slippery with ice.
You ought to be careful.
You are such a daredevil.
Thank you, Nadya.
If you only knew how I missed you,
darling.
I couldn't wait to see you myself.
Thank you, dearest.
I prepared a New Year
present for you.
Thank you.
I have a present for you too.
Only it's in the room.
Ippolit, I have to tell you
something.
You won't believe it.
You'll die of laughter!
I come home, and on my sofa...
I find a stranger.
I couldn't wake him up.
I pored water over him from a teapot.
- So I see...
- Please, I beg you!
- Happy New Year.
- Behave yourself.
Please!
A nice present. Thank you.
Just let me explain.
She has nothing to do with it.
It's all my fault.
I would like to know something.
Yes, please.
- Who is he?
- I don't know him.
He's a perfect stranger.
A stranger...
How did he get here?
By an incredible coincidence.
He also lives at
25, Constructors St. Apartment 12.
Only in Moscow.
In Moscow!
- What is that?
- Those are my pants.
Careful, you'll rumple them.
He went to a bathhouse
with his friends, had a drink...
- Look at him.
- I will, in due time.
And they put him on board
an airplane, by mistake.
Where? In the bathhouse?
No, there are no airplanes
in a bathhouse.
I'm not talking to you!
Tell him,
we were taking a bath with Pavel.
Will you shut up!
From the bathhouse they went
straight to the airport.
To see Pavel off.
- To see Pavel off.
- So Pavel is here too?!
No, there's no Pavel.
I'm here instead of him.
So you expected Pavel, but instead
came this character?
She expected no one!
I expected no one.
- It was a mistake.
- They registered him as luggage?
What luggage?
Or maybe I don't remember.
I will explain everything.
Only first I have to get dressed.
Will you hold this for me.
I will get dressed
and explain everything.
- He is so ugly!
- Absolutely disgusting!
That is a matter of taste.
I haven't done anything to you.
- How did he get into your bed?
- By accident.
I beg your pardon, lady.
What is your name?
He was in your bed,
but he doesn't know your name!
Stop pushing me!
Ippolit, wait!
Something fell on me!
If he knew what my name was,
would you stay?
- Stop it!
- Please stay!
I don't know his name either.
I never saw this man before!
Now I believe you.
The modern morals!
Why are you dropping me
all the time?
I hurt my shoulder.
I am leaving now.
Let us not ruin the evening.
Don't make me answer for something
I haven't done.
Some debauchee
broke into my apartment!
I'm not a debauchee, I'm a doctor.
Supposing he got
to Leningrad by mistake,
And he has the same address.
- But why did you let him in?
- I didn't!
You've got to believe her!
I came in myself.
- My key fit.
- You gave him the key?
She didn't. Jesus, you're stupid!
Stop pushing me around.
Some pushy people.
Why don't you believe me?
Why don't you believe us?
I find this character
as disgusting as you do.
Right now I find myself
disgusting too.
I'm sorry.
Good bye.
The house looks just the same.
Excuse me,
how do I get to the airport?
Bus No. 30 stops round the corner.
- Is this really Leningrad?
- You shouldn't drink so much.
Please don't be sulky with me.
And don't be jealous.
If I fall in love with someone,
you will be the first to know.
"Don't be jealous".
I'm not angry with you,
but you have to understand me too.
- Here I come to you, and I see...
- I understand.
I understand very well.
I'd kick up a row myself,
if I were in your place!
The fact that he appeared
in your house is typical of you.
- Why is that?
- You are sloppy.
Don't say anything.
You are disorganized.
He would hardly show up at my place.
I wouldn't be surprised
if you hadn't found him at all.
Who cares what rags
are lying about the place!
You're right.
I didn't see him at first.
Real French perfume!
- It's so expensive!
- It's nothing.
- I have a present for you too.
- Not another one?
Here. An electric shaver,
the latest model.
Nadya, you didn't have to!
With sliding blades.
It's too expensive.
I follow your example.
I forgot to put on my evening dress!
I won't be long.
Don't peep!
You shouldn't drink so much!
You shouldn't drink so much!
It becomes you.
I'm glad you like it.
Very much.
Let's see out the past year.
It was the year I met you.
And I met you.
It is my favorite holiday!
Nadya...
Yes?
Nadya, darling, I have a...
I have a favor to ask.
Here...
I love it when you sing.
It's just that you are not impartial
towards me.
You bet!
You bet I'm not impartial!
It's been many years now,
that along my street
I hear footsteps.
Those are my friends leaving.
The slow lingering
sound of my friends' footsteps
Are absorbed by the darkness outside.
Oh, loneliness,
you are so harsh on me.
Flashing your iron compasses,
Cold-bloodedly
you close the circle,
Paying no attention
to useless pleas.
Let me rise on tiptoe in your forest,
At the other end
of the slow motion,
Find fallen leaves
and bring them close tom my face,
And take my loneliness as A bliss.
Give me the silence
of your libraries,
The austere music of your concerts,
And I'll be wise,
and I will forget all those,
Who passed away,
and who are still living.
And I will get to know
wisdom and sorrow,
Objects will reveal their hidden
meaning to me,
Nature leaning toward my shoulders
Will open its childish secrets.
And only then from out of tears
and darkness,
From out of the poor ignorance
of the past
The beautiful faces of my friends
Will flash for an instant,
to dissolve again.
The beautiful faces of my friends
Will flash for an instant,
to dissolve again.
- To whose poem is that written?
- Akhmadulina.
What do you want?
- Salad or roast beef?
- Salad... And roast beef.
Nadya, listen to me...
Tonight, on the last night
of the year I intend
to put the question point-blank.
I think
we have to get this unmarried
situation over and done with.
What do you think?
I think it is a wonderful idea.
Only on one condition:
that you will not be jealous of me.
You see, I'm not that young
anymore, and I feel...
Who is that?
I haven't the slightest idea.
Excuse me!
I beg your pardon.
I'm sorry, I wouldn't dream
of using my own key.
What is it you want now?
You see, it so happens...
I don't know anyone in this city,
except you.
And I have no money.
Not a copeck, as it appears.
And they won't sell me a ticket
without money.
Could I borrow 15-16 Rubles from you?
I'll send you the money
first thing tomorrow.
Through wire transfer.
Looks like I will have to pay you
to leave us alone.
Please do.
And now I ask you as a man:
What were you doing here?
- Here?
- Yes, here.
For God's sake, calm down.
I will explain everything.
You see, we have this tradition.
Every year on December 31 me
and my friends go to the bathhouse.
We wash ourselves.
It's been many years now.
After that Pavel was to go
to Leningrad.
And I was planning
on getting married.
To whom?
To whom?
That's not the point now.
In the bathhouse we had a drink.
To my fiancee, to me.
Are you an alcoholic?
No, I don't drink at all.
I drink tea, coffee, liquid yogurt,..
soft drinks, water...
- Nadya? please.
- Don't overdo it!
I am absolutely calm!
After the bath
we went to the airport.
Then we had some more to drink,
but that part I don't remember.
I think they must have put me on
that plane instead of Pavel.
I swear to God!
- It's as simple as that.
- Yes. And very truthful.
- What did you do in the plane?
- I flew.
- Flew?
- Sleeping.
I slept...
Supposing you don't remember
how you got on that plane.
But you have to remember
how you got out of it.
Yes! I have to.
But I don't.
But I do remember
that I came here by cab.
I said my home address,
and the driver brought me here.
Supposing the key fit.
Nadya, please...
Supposing the key fit,
the address was the same,
but you had to notice,
that the furniture was different!
It's the same!
But there's a mess here,
because the people have just moved in.
We've also just moved in!
Me and my mother.
That's enough!
Here's 15 Rubles, now leave.
You don't know how grateful I am,
friends!
You have to pay for your pleasures.
I can't leave
without kissing you good-buy!
You could have at least
waited until I leave.
- Ippolit, wait!
- Who do you take me for, an idiot?
Ippolit!
- What did you tell him?
- The truth.
What truth?
Would you please help me
to my feet.
I wore myself out with you folks.
I told him, we go to this bathhouse.
On December 31.
It's a tradition we have. We wash every year.
That's exactly what I told him.
Please don't cry.
I'll go get him. Ippolit!
Wait, don't leave!
Ippolit! Sorry, I don't know
your patronymic.
Wait!
Don't leave! Wait!
Don't bee a fool!
Be a man, for Christ's sake!
He left.
He drives faster than I run.
Here, take your 15 Rubles.
Thank you,
I'll wire the money tomorrow.
I hate you. You ruined my life.
He will come back, believe me.
You'll see.
The hot-tempered and the jealous
don't bear grudges for too long.
If you only knew,
how well I understand you.
My situation is even worse.
A woman is waiting for me
in Moscow in an empty apartment.
The woman I love.
And here I am, in Leningrad.
And?
She doesn't know where you are?
No, she must be hysterical.
- Call her.
- I don't have a telephone card.
Call credit. Through the operator.
You are a sympathetic person.
- Do you mind if I take my coat off?
- Whatever.
Thank you.
Operator!
Happy New Year!
I need to make a phone call.
To Moscow.
Number in Moscow? 454-60-21.
Who will answer? Galya.
That is, if she answers.
In Leningrad? One moment please.
Stay there!
- What is your number?
- 14-50-30.
Operator! 14-50-30.
When?
Can you make it faster?
She said, within an hour.
Oh, God...
I'll wait on the landing, and you
will call me.
Or you can explain everything
yourself.
And I'll go.
Oh no, you sort out your own
problems.
2 minutes to go before the New
Year.
Open the Champagne.
It's in the fridge.
No luck again. It's just not my day!
I'm sorry.
Happy New Year.
What's your name?
Nadya.
I'm Zhenya.
Happy New Year, Nadya.
Same to you.
What a good beginning of a new
year.
Couldn't be better.
That's true.
There is an omen:
You will live through the new year
the same way you see it in.
What doctor are you?
I'm a surgeon.
And what are you?
A teacher.
I teach Russian and literature.
Literature - that's wonderful.
I have to find out, when's the first
flight to Moscow.
- How do I do that? - There's a
telephone book over there.
Hello? Operator? Happy New Year.
When is the first flight to Moscow,
please?
That's the first one?
It's at 7 a. m.
Nadya, don't worry. I'll leave as
soon as I talk to Galya.
I'm beginning to think, you will
never leave here.
Please don't worry.
Everything will be fine.
There's Moscow now!
Moscow?!
I think it was Ippolit.
- Who?
- Ippolit.
Why did you have to pick it up? Who
asked you to?
How was I supposed to know? I
thought it was Moscow.
I'm terribly sorry.
Hello! Hello!
Leningrad?
I'll answer it!
Hello? Yes, Moscow.
Moscow? Hello!
Would you please.
- Galya, darling, it's me.
- You are in Leningrad?
Thanks for calling anyway.
Galya, Happy...
Happy New Year.
You called to wish me a Happy New
Year?
- Not only that.
- I'm touched.
I will explain everything.
Wait till you hear this incredible
story.
You won't believe it.
I was so worried, I called all city
hospitals and morgues.
And you simply ran away from me.
I love you very much.
Now I understand why you told me
about Leningrad.
This is a different story.
It has nothing to do with you.
Every year on December 31 my
friends and I go to a bathhouse.
It's an old tradition.
There's nothing more to talk about.
You can check. My number is
14-50-30.
I'm taking the first flight to
Moscow.
No need to be in a hurry.
I'll leave the key on the table.
No, please! Don't leave it!
That's for me! Don't answer it!
Galya!
3 minutes? Thank you.
Well, that's it.
I don't have a fiancee any more.
No big deal, you'll find yourself
another one.
Another one? What do you know
about it?
All my life I've been looking for the
right woman.
I was never married.
And now finally when I found her...
Why are you raising your voice at
me?
I've had enough of your stupid
advice.
Don't forget, you are at my place.
The hell with your stupid apartment!
Together with your stupid Otello!
Impudent boor!
You are a boor.
Well if I am a boor, you are...
What am I? Get out!
I'm not going anywhere.
- The flight is at 7 a.m.
- Then I will leave.
Good riddance! I'm hungry as hell.
- Oh no you don't!
- I'm hungry!
You know, you're a genuine
termagant.
One more word, and the next plate
will crash into your head.
Your Galya left you.
And she did the right thing.
Now she will find a man worthy of
her.
- What?
- What about?
You don't object?
Nothing you can say to that?
No, it's just that I'm afraid of the
next plate.
And you are right.
That's Ippolit.
Jump off the balcony.
I'm not an idiot to fracture my legs.
Happy New Year, Nadya!
We were in the neighborhood and
decided to drop by.
We left my husband downstairs.
- He would sit for ages.
- It's not easy to get rid of a man.
Where is he? Show us.
There he is. In all his glory.
Valya.
Tanya.
Dear Ippolit Georgievich!
- We are Nadya's friends.
- We work in the same school.
She's been hiding you from us.
We came here to wish you
happiness.
We want you to know what a
wonderful person she is.
Everyone loves her: colleagues,
parents and even children.
She is sympathetic.
She is socially active and hangs in
the Hall of Fame.
I'm not the one...
Don't listen to him! Please sit down.
- Call your husband.
- We don't want to interfere!
There's nothing to interfere into. We
hardly know each other.
What's your patronymic?
Vasilyevna.
I've known Nadezhda Vasilyevna
since 11 p.m.
Ippolit, stop fooling around. That's
enough.
Let him make jokes. He's good at it.
But I am not Ipppolit.
I like your attitude to one another.
The attitude is rather complex.
You need a towel, it's going to shoot
out.
I will be careful.
Well, friends, here's to your happy
married life!
Thank you, I'm not drinking.
- No, no, I won't.
- Yes you will!
- Have you all gone mad?
- Bottoms up!
- Well, you have to kiss now!
- Kiss her!
I object! I won't let you make a
laughing-stock of me!
Get away from me! I don't want to
kiss you!
Let go of me! You have to explain
everything to them!
Nadya, Nadya, what are you doing?
And even now I still insist, I'm not
Ippolit.
Ippolit Georgievich,
Do you like to listen to her singing?
I don't know, I never heard her sing.
- You never sang to him?
- That's an inexcusable mistake.
- I don't like amateur singing.
- It's not amateur.
Give us our favorite - "Carriages".
The train starts off for
Tikhoretskaya.
The carriage sets off, And the
platform stays behind.
The brick wall, The station clock,
White shawls, White shawls,
White shawls waving,
White shawls, Sad eyes.
Passengers in the smoking
Compartment try to worm
My past and present out of me,
I'll feed them a load of lies,
Let them wonder,
But who I said good-bye to,
Who I said good-bye to,
Who I said good-bye to,
Who I said good-bye to
Is none of your business.
A sailor in a stripped vest
Will open his soul to me,
He'll tell me about his hard Living,
He'll get off at the next station
And wave good-bye,
The carriage will set off,
The carriage will set off,
The carriage will set off,
The carriage will set off,
And he will stay back.
The train starts off
for Tikhoretskaya,
The carriage sets off,
And the platform stays behind,
The brick wall,
The station clock,
White shawls,
White shawls,
White shawls,
White shawls,
Sad eyes.
Never heard anything like tha before.
Guys, I'm enjoying myself!
Lets go, my man must be
cold out there.
Nadya and Ippolit, be happy!
I'm tired of denying it.
I'm not Ippolit.
All the happiness in the world!
Nadya, let me kiss you.
We're off!
A good man, serious and reliable.
God bless you! Happy New Year!
Why did you do that for?
Did you have to harp on
like a parrot:
"I'm not Ippolit! I'm not Ippolit!"
Did you expect me to tell them
about the bathhouse,
so that tomorrow
the whole school would know,
that I spent the New Year's eve
with some rogue?
I'm not a rogue.
I'm a miserable person.
As if a miserable person
can't be a rogue.
How do you intend
to produce the real Ippolit?
Most likely there will be
no real one.
Why do I have to comfort you
all the time?
Why isn't anyone comforting me?
My situation is much worse.
At least you are at home.
- But it is all your fault!
- It was an accident.
I'm a victim of circumstances myself!
You mind if I eat something?
Help yourself.
There's so much food.
I hate to through it all away.
I haven't eaten anything
since last year.
Tastes good!
- Did you make that yourself?
- Well of course.
Wanted to produce an impression.
And you succeeded.
I mean to say, I am a gourmet.
And I hate to cook.
With my lazy-bones I hardly have
any time for cooking anyway.
- You teach them?
- Yes.
And they teach me.
I try to teach them to think.
If at least a little.
And have a personal opinion
about everything.
- Can I have some more?
- Of course.
- What do they teach you?
- I guess, the same thing.
This is not fish.
This is anything but fish in aspic.
This is... It needs some
horse-radish to go with.
And I represent the most
conservative of all professions.
We can compete there.
No, I'm serious.
With us it is dangerous
to have a personal opinion.
What if it's a wrong one?
Doctors' mistakes
are extremely costly.
Teachers' mistakes
are not that obvious,
But in the end
they are no less costly.
Maybe you're right.
Still you and me have the most
wonderful and the most needed jobs
in the world.
Not judging by the salaries.
That's right.
When your friends were saying
all these good things about you,
God knows why I felt proud.
No use wheedling.
By the way, unlike you,
your friend noticed,
That I'm a reliable serious person.
You didn't break into her house.
That's true,
I didn't break into her house yet.
What an unusual way
to see in the New Year.
If we ever meet again, by chance,
I think we will laugh ourselves
to death.
Well, it wasn't funny,
when I first saw you
sleeping on my sofa.
What about me?
Imagine me waking up at home
and seeing a strange woman,
who pours water over me.
And crying: "Get out of here!"
I cried back: "Get out yourself!"
I was so indignant,
I didn't know what to do.
Who is this man?
If he's a thief,
then why did he go to sleep?
He got tired and went to sleep
in the home, he had just robbed?
You know, I didn't like you at first.
And you looked utterly disgusting!
I can imagine!
Shall I open it?
End of Part One.