The Horror of Dolores Roach (2023): Season 1, Episode 5 - I Never Don't Find 'Em - full transcript

The fuck?

This can't be her.

And you are?

I... Oh, yeah. I am the, uh,

"the very model of
a modern major-general."

Ruthie.

You must be Dolores Roach.

And you're looking for...

Dominic Arfonso.

It's been 16 years, correct?

Uh-huh.



Problem?

No, I'm sorry,
there's no problem.

Um, you're just not...

You're not what
I expected, that's a...

- Is this your cover? You're an usher?
- It's my passion.

Which, the Broadway thing
or the other thing?

Well, if I answered that,

I wouldn't be good
at either, would I?

I don't know.

You're not exactly
the doe-eyed damsel in distress

Tabitha said you were.
What were you in for?

Uh, possession with intent
and assaulting a cop.

Possession of?

- Weed. Just weed.
- You a drug dealer?



No. I-I was a dr...

I was. I worked for Dominic,
the guy that I want you to find.

No can do.

I got a policy, no drug dealers.

- What? Wait, are you serious?
- That kind of hunting,

you end up with
a hole in your head.

Or worse, you end up
working for them.

- No can do.
- Yeah, but Tabitha said...

I said I'd meet with you.

I didn't promise anything.

You chase murderers on the run,
but you draw the line

- at drugs?
- A policy's a policy.

Good luck to you.

Wait, wait, wait.
I'm sorry. Please.

I have to find him, okay?

He set me up, and I lost

16 years of my life because of
that cocksucker motherfucker.

And I don't know
how to move on until...

Till you what? Kill him?

This is not
my first rodeo, honey.

You don't need me,
you need a shrink.

A good one.

Yeah, but Tabitha said

that she helped you out
back in the day, right?

When you guys
were locked up together,

something about
smuggling things.

That was 20 years ago.

Yeah, well, Dominic fucked me
up 16 years ago, right?

But this shit has consequences,

and it lingers.

All right.

But you tell Tabitha,
after this, we're square.

Really? Okay, I will. Thank you.

I know I look cute,
but I'll fuck you up,

and you won't even
see me coming.

I believe you. I do.

All right. Give me two weeks.

Two weeks.

Two weeks.

Only two weeks.

Hey, Dolores.

- Jeremiah.
- Surprise, surprise.

The hell are...
What, you deliver around here?

Or are you following me?

Yeah, you got me.

I deliver all over the city.

I'm heading uptown next.

- You want a lift?
- Yeah.

Hop on in.

Okay.

So, um,

- how're you settling in?
- Ah, uh...

You've been back, what,
a couple of weeks already?

Yeah, just-just a couple weeks.
Yeah, I, uh...

...already killed two people.

I spoke to an admissions
person at Hudson

a few days ago about
going back to school.

- That's great.
- Yeah.

And I got a...

...cannibal I'm pretty sure

is in love with me.

...a vision board.
Or, I had a vision board.

Oh, you're serious?

Yeah, I'm serious.

It was Nellie's idea,
but, you know, I'm just...

just trying to pick up
the pieces, you know?

That I do.
Just remember, though,

when you're pulling
those images,

be careful, because
you're being tracked.

You know, the NSA has a file
on each and every one of us.

You use a VPN, right?

I mean, I'm just, like,
cutting stuff out of magazines,

- so, yeah.
- Oh, then you're good.

- Hey.
- Ah, geez!

- Oh, my God.
- Damn.

People in this city
drive like maniacs.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm... Yeah, I'm good.

- Dolores?
- Mm-hmm?

Um...

You never answered
my question yesterday

about where Luis
is getting his meat from?

'Cause I mean, business...

business is picking up,
like, out of nowhere.

Yeah, man, I don't...

It's just, when I promised Ariel
that I'd look after his kid,

that wasn't some kind of
quid pro quo kind of thing.

Whyever Luis felt
he needed to make a change,

he could've at least
had a conversation

with me about it first.

Calling him, like, four times,

and he ain't
return my calls, I...

I don't know what I did wrong.

- You have any ideas?
- No. Nope, nope. Don't. No.

Hmm.

Well.
You know, I don't know.

I don't want to drag you
into the middle of it.

Mm-hmm.

Thanks for listening.

You're not getting out?

No deliveries here today.

- I thought you said you had to deliver...
- No.

All right.

Thank you for the ride.

Yep.

I'll see you.

See you.

Is this guy on to me,
or just a little nuts?

Or both?

Hey, yo.

I been missing you.

So you a fancy fucking
masseuse now, huh?

That's hot.

Maybe I could get one of those.

Stupid Fatfuck's
probably eating his own boss.

Mm, yeah. Try making
an appointment.

Mmm.

Muy Loca.

The new meaner, leaner version

of our signature empanadas,

and baby, that flavor just
keep hitting you in the mouth

like you owe it a coin.
Oh, yes, please grab some.

Try some, try some.
Great, thank you.

You know, I had a friend
come over last week,

and she's pregnant,
and let me tell you...

Luis didn't
waste any time

cooking cunt face
into Muy Marcie.

...shit like that,
that means they're enjoying it,

and you know what?
All your kids are gonna love it.

Tell them to go on Instagram,
tell them to go on TikTok.

We want to be viral.

Hey.

How did you...

Find you? It's what I do.

Yeah, that-that
was fast, though.

Took the subway.

Yeah, uh, you said two weeks.

Oh, sometimes I get lucky.

Tell you the truth,

this was the easiest job
I ever did in my life.

I never don't find 'em.

You found Dominic?

I think we should talk
someplace more private.

Dominic Arfonso is dead.

How? When?

Fire in the Dominican Republic.
Twelve years ago.

Happened in his family home.

Body was so charred,

he had to be identified
by his teeth.

Yeah, left molar.
I remember it.

If it's any consolation,

burning death's supposed to be

real painful.

I thought
I wanted him dead,

but what I really wanted

was to kill him myself.

What do I owe you?

Nothing. Use it for college.

How'd you know about that?

I told you, that's what I do.

Also,

it's bloody,
but it's Shakespeare.

Dominic's already
been dead to me for 16 years,

but I thought
he'd never actually die,

so what the hell do I do now?

- Hi, Dolores.
- Hi.

- I was just looking for you.
- Yeah?

I think I pulled
something in my neck

when I picked my cousin's
kid up this morning,

and I was wondering if you
could work on it for me?

Sorry, it's not
a good time, Joy.

Oh, but please? Please?

I need your magic hands.
Just five minutes...

I said now's not
a good time. Jesus, Joy.

I can't be making
everybody feel better

whenever the fuck
they want, all right?

I got a fucking life.

You've been taking bitch
lessons from Bridget?

Joy
didn't deserve that,

but if I put my hands on
a neck right now, I'd snap it.

Oh, did you forget something?

Oh, yeah, one of my co-workers

heard about this place.

Said I'd bring back one
of your special empanadas.

Oh.

Hey. Uh, is Luis here?

I, um, I wanted to put
one of these in the window,

if that's okay?

One second.

Um... Hi.

Yeah. Yeah.
We can do better.

Oh, I don't... I don't...
I don't think

Luis is gonna like this.

No, it's gonna distract
the customers.

D, that's kind of the point.

Yeah, but-but why here, though?

Isn't it better by your
office, right? That's better?

I got ahold of his
credit card statement,

and the last transaction
was just a few blocks away,

at the Kane 'n Abel's Pizza.

Do you mind?

- You call the cops yet?
- No, not yet.

How come?

Well, he-he might've
been into some...

Um, my dad's not a bad guy,

he just makes some-some
bad decisions sometimes,

so-so, you know,
if I don't have to

- involve the authorities...
- I'm Ruthie.

I find people.

No, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

If he's into the kind of
stuff you're implying,

better put me on
sooner than too late.

- Put you on?
- Yeah.

You look like a nice kid.

I'll cut you a deal.
Thousand bucks.

That's double the reward.

He's not worth
a thousand bucks to you?

I never don't find 'em.

Maybe he just wants
to wait to see

what happens with
the posters, right?

- Yeah?
- Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Let's talk
somewhere more private.

You know, you want to
find somebody, you call Ruthie.

Ask Dolores.
I never don't find 'em.

Shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit,

shit!

Luis?

Luis, we got a problem.

Luis?

Luis?

Luis, are you taking a shower?

Hey, man, I don't have time.

I'm coming in for...

I've never seen
Luis's bedroom before.

He's a child.

Luis?

If my life was a horror movie,
I'd be yelling at myself

to not go in.

Meat is meat, flesh is flesh...

...but you can't eat fake tits.

Mr. Pearlman.

Maybe I didn't
chop these people up...

...but I did this.

I did this.

Aren't you cold?

I like having secrets
with you, mami.

That strain
is called Mint Cookies.

- It's a nice, sweet sativa...
- Not now, man.

- Fuck, not now.
- Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey.

- This is a good thing, you know?
- Oh...

I mean, I was gonna clean up
a little bit before,

but, I mean,
now you know everything.

I thought you said

- you got rid of the evidence.
- I did.

I mean, I am,
empanada by empanada.

Why are you keeping
trophies down here?

This is the safest
place to keep it.

Throw it in the river.

No. All that medical junk
they put in our bodies?

Titanium, silicone,
that shit's all traceable,

and it's so
harmful to marine life.

Oh, okay, as long as
the fucking dolphins

in the East River are safe,
I guess we're good.

Look, I know this seems,
like, not ideal,

but if anything happens,
if anything at all goes wrong,

this shit is on me.

You had nothing to do
with any of this.

You were just, like,
renting out a room from me,

and you don't know
a goddamn thing.

Then you better get
your statement ready.

What's that mean?

We got a problem.
We got a big problem.

Junior Pearlman's up there,
talking to a P.I.

A P.I.?

A private investigator.

Yeah, I know
what a P.I. is, mami,

- but why here?
- He checked the credit card.

The last time the guy used it
was at some pizza place nearby

that puts him
in Washington Heights.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck!

Mm. A pizza place?

- Are you fucking taking this seriously?
- Of course, I'm taking

- this seriously.
- I'm not going back to fucking prison, Luis.

I'm telling you right now.

...with this sh...

Oh, no. Shit. Oh, my God.

- What? What now?
- What the fuck is this?

She's fuck...

She's talking
to Jeremiah. Fuck.

What's he still even doing here?

Jeremiah don't know shit.

He knows you've been buying
less meat from him, genius.

He's been asking me questions.

- He has?
- Yes.

She's not gonna
stop with Jeremiah.

This bitch is gonna do
whatever it takes

to find Mr. Pearlman unless
we throw her off the scent,

and I don't know how.

Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on.
I got an idea perforating.

You got a line
of holes in your brain,

or you mean "percolating"?

Aha!

Can't be missing

if he's still around. Ah.

Oye, Nellie. ¿Que pasa? Huh?

You don't think nobody
had to watch the shop?

I can see the door from here.

Okay, well, I love
that you're helping

our little friend
out here, Jo-Jo,

but, you know, he don't pay you.

- I know.
- Okay? In fact,

I got to pay him with the money

we make selling empanadas.

But Jonah needs help.

It's okay, Nellie,
if it's not a good time,

I can finish this myself.
Don't worry.

Fuck me,
she'll see Mr. Pearlman

went in and didn't come out.

Don't worry. Sorry.

But... I want to help.

And you should, too.

No, you're not gonna
guilt trip me

for trying to
make a living, okay?

You haven't been here all day.

Listen, you spend 30 years

building a shop of your own,

then you can make the rules.

Till then,
get back inside, okay?

Dolores'll help put up flyers
while I go run to the bank.

Come on. Chop, chop.

Váyase. Let's go.

- Sorry.
- All right.

Don't leave him alone with her.
Okay? I'll be back in no time.

Hey. Any luck?

Her cameras
aren't even recording.

But he was in this area, right?

Yeah, I confirmed with
Kane 'n Abel's Pizza.

He was there
just over a week ago.

Got any other properties nearby?

No, nearest building
of ours is down on 116th.

I don't know why he'd be
in Washington Heights

except to come here.
Unless he,

he met somebody
around here? You know, like...

He likes to "meet people"
all over the place,

- if you know what I mean.
- Sex workers?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay.

Give me till tomorrow morning.

- Yeah.
- I never don't find 'em,

and I got a feeling

that he may be a lot
closer than we think.

How you doing, Dolores?

Good. How are you?

This is some
serious sick fuckery.

So, uh, Nellie?

What's her story?

What do you mean?

Like, is she seeing anybody?

I don't know.

Why, you got somebody for her?

Yeah, I mean, I kind of meant, uh...

Oh, my God.

What? What is it?

- It's him.
- What?

Never mind.

This is some sick fuckery.

He's...

Oh, God, he's...

he's dealing with some
gambling debt. Again.

"Going off the grid

for a while," yeah.
"Not to worry, kiddo."

That's what he calls me,

when he calls me
anything at all.

"Be back in a few weeks."

- Good thing I didn't call the cops.
- Yeah, it's a good thing.

Guess this means I should
call off Ruthie, huh?

Yeah, you know what?

You should definitely
call her off.

Call Ruthie off.

I convinced myself
Dominic was protecting me...

...but he was just
protecting himself.

Huh? I thought
his family was from...

May I?

Yeah, of course.

I went all the way
down to Gowanus.

In Brooklyn?

Yeah.

Made some calls out there,

sent some texts from his phone,

so when she tracks the signal,

it won't be anywhere near us.

She might not track the signal.

Jonah called
the whole thing off.

- He bought it?
- He did.

At least for now, but yeah.

He did.

Holy shit.

Oh, holy shit.

You did good, man.

Holy shit. Oh, my God.

This buys us some time.

And, Dolores, listen.

You got to know,

I meant everything
I said earlier.

At whatever point
some shit goes down,

I got you.

This was all on me, you're...

Luis, that's sweet of you.

But you can't guarantee

that it's not gonna
come back to me, right?

I'm the one in the system,

I'm the one out here,
fucking "Magic Hands."

I wouldn't let you
take it alone.

We're in this together, okay?

I swear to God, mami,

whatever I got to do,

I'll do.

I'm here to protect you.

Okay, I'll be the one.

Oh, it's been a minute
since I... Okay.

Okay.

Shit, he's good at this.

I didn't think anybody could
be better than Tabitha, but...

Ow! Ow.

He bit my thigh.

Oh, I'm sorry, mami, I'm sorry.

- I got a little bit excited.
- Okay.

Okay.

Oh, shit, Luis.

Shit, Luis.

Holy shit.

Oh, God. Holy shit.

Oh, Dolores.

My favorite flavor.

Did he just
cum on my...

Oh wait, that's right.
He's a cannibal.

That was...

That was the best...

I mean you're the best I ever...

You don't have to...

I mean...

I haven't been with a...

...cannibal.

...man in a while.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know. I figured.

Women's prison.

I've been dreaming
about that my whole life.

About women's prison?

Nah. Nah.

Nah, nah, nah.

Nah, about you.

Oh, man.

Nobody's ever done anything
like that for me before.

Really?

I thought Tabitha...

No, no, not...

In there...

...with them.

I told you, mami.

I would do anything for you.

I meant that.

Sure.

Other people have
told me that, too, you know?

Nah, I'm not Dominic.

Dude's like a pathological liar.

Can't even die with honesty.

What?

I saw that folder.

I know that's why
that P.I. was really here.

Oh.

Yeah, there ain't no way

that dude died back in '07.

His abuela was still
getting packages from him,

like, three years ago.

How do you know that?

'Cause Sophia and her
were real close.

Who's Sophia?

Nellie's grandma.

She's up on the third floor.

Her and Dominic got family
in the same part of the D.R.

In Higüey?

Uh, nah, I think Sosúa.

Sosúa.

That's right.

Wait a minute.

This says

"fire in the family home
in Higüey in 2007."

Nah, I'm telling you, D.

If that dude was dead,

his abuela would've made him
a neighborhood saint.

Yeah, but they confirmed it
with his dental records.

In the D.R.?

Probably
didn't even do an autopsy.

Just some cousin
or somebody came by

and said it was him,
and called it a day.

The dude's a shitbag, D.

Fucking mamabicho.

Probably faked his own death
to get away with some shit.

But fuck that dude.

I got your back now,

and... and any other part

you want me to get.

But for real,

you got to forget
about that dude.

Let me see that.

All right, give me.

Attagirl.

God...

you are so beautiful.

We could have a real
future together, Dolores Roach.

Mm-hmm.

Future.

It's time to start
focusing on my future again.

I didn't need some nosy P.I.

I just need to go up
to the third floor, and I'll be

one step closer to watching
this motherfucker burn for real.