The Horror of Dolores Roach (2023): Season 1, Episode 1 - They Called Me Magic Hands - full transcript

And I don't know
how many times I told you

that I can't stop.

But I'm gonna miss you.

♪ Sweeney Todd, the barber ♪

♪ By gum, he were better
than the play ♪

♪ Sweeney Todd, the barber ♪♪

And I was obsessed
with that true crime podcast

about Dolores,
but I couldn't imagine it

being done like this. She's
such an unlikable character.

I mean, I almost understand
why she did it all...

- almost.
- But you gave her



such humanity,
you made her a real person.

I really appreciate it.

I had to really crawl
inside her skin

to pull the rabbit
out of this hat.

Ugh, let me tell you something,

this shit is heavy.

Gonna be ready to be done
with her real soon.

Done? This stuff
is, like, blowing up.

I can't go a day without seeing

- 20 posts about the girl.
- Did you see that thing

this morning about
the cafe in Taipei

serving human flesh dumplings?

Yes, yes, yes, yes,
and the human bone marrow

in that bistro in Paris.



- That's got to be her, right?
- Facts.

The real Dolores
is still out there.

Mm-mm. No.

Ooh, car's here.

Are you coming to the "partay"?

Am I coming to the party?
Of course.

I just have to wash...
I just have to wash

- this blood.
- Congratulations.

You were so brilliant.

- Thank you for coming. Thank you so much.
- See you there.

- See you later. Thank you.
- I love you.

- Love you, too. Bye.
- Bye.

Ooh, don't be scared.

It's just me.

I'm not the monster you're
making me out to be, seriously.

I'm just like you,

if everything went wrong.

- I thought you were...
- Dead?

Yeah, I know you did,

and that would be
pretty convenient for you, huh?

'Cause you're just
throwing my name around,

making me fucking famous

for all the wrong reasons.

Making everybody money,

except me.

Wh-What happened to your hand?

My hand?

I thought you crawled
inside my skin.

You missed that part
in your little "research,"

huh?

Are...

are you gonna kill me?

No.

No.

Worse.

I'm gonna tell you shit

you could never un-know.

Shit you can't wash off.

And then...

...you're gonna help me.

- I'm-I'm-I'm gonna help you?
- Yeah.

How?

By setting
the fucking record straight.

'Cause, see,

I was never some
blood-hungry sociopath

people say I am.

I was just some chick
in Washington Heights.

♪ It's like the ocean... ♪

Washington Heights,
back in the day,

best years of my life.

You remember those years
after 9/11, when everybody

was trying to come together
and love and shit.

♪ Amore ♪

♪ Sexo ♪

♪ Amore...

But it was still
Giuliani time, you know?

And the city was cracking
down hard... on some of us.

There's your house
in Hoboken, baby.

Dominic was the king
of this block.

So, all right, you,
uh, you got some customers?

Yeah.

And for
those five years,

I was his queen.

I loved that man so fucking much

I would've done
anything for him,

and I did.

Antonio? You here?

Oh, can you just...

stay right there,
though, please?

Dominic said
this guy's

gonna buy a shit ton of weed.

Freeze.

Hands in the air.

Dominic Arfonso.

I never heard of him.

Dominic?

- Dominic, can...
- We're sorry.

You have reached a number
that has been

disconnected or is no...

If you feel you have reached
this recording in...

- We're sorry.
- Dominic...

- You have reached a number that
has been disconnected. - Dominic!

Sixteen years
they locked my ass up.

Sixteen years

at New York State
Correctional

for possession with intent

and assaulting a cop.

Sixteen years in a cell with
a handless masseuse from Philly.

My girl Tabitha.

And then,
one morning, in 2019...

...they gave me back my clothes

that I was wearing
when they took me.

They gave me $200 in gate money
and a train ticket.

And they dropped me off
at the train station,

like they're doing me a favor.

With all these
suburban motherfuckers

who probably think
I deserved what I got.

This is the train
to Grand Central. Tickets.

- Tickets, tickets.
- Oh.

- Ah... Yeah. Yeah, I got it.
- Tickets.

- Here.
- That's your receipt.

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh.

First stop
in Manhattan,

Harlem-125th Street.
Harlem-125th Street.

Oh, my God.

My New York City.

So I start walking north

to the only place in the world

there might be a bed
for me tonight.

'Cause I got no family left.

Both of my parents died
when I was still in school.

Dominic's the one
who took me in after that.

I mean, I know he must've
moved on by now,

but I protected his ass
for 16 years.

He owes me a place to stay.

Here we go.
Washington Heights.

What the fuck?

It's gentrified.

Okay, not totally gentrified.

If the closest thing to family
I had isn't here,

I'm gonna need a miracle.

What the fuck is this shit?

Hello?

Hi. Hello?
Hi, is-is, uh, Dominic there?

Who?

Does Dominic still live here?

Um, I don't know him. Sorry.

Hello?

- I never used to mind these five flights
in my 20s. - Ugh. Okay...

Hi.

Hi. Look, I'm so sorry.

Um, I used to live here.

And I would have never
let nobody up, either.

This is totally inappropriate
of me.

But I just got out...
of the country.

I've been out for 16 years,
and I'm just, like, praying

that my boyfriend
might still live here,

or you might know...
Oh, hi.

- Hi, thanks.
- You don't know where your boyfriend lives?

Um...

I guess he's not
my boyfriend anymore, huh?

- Babe!
- It's fine.

- Babe, I got this.
- You know what? I'm so sorry.

So embarrassing.

But do you have, like,
a tampon?

- Oh, uh...
- Or anything, anything.

I'm just trying real hard

not to bleed on your floor
out here.

No, no, no. Uh...

- Thank you.
- Come on. Uh, it's just under

the-the sink in there.

Tile behind
the toilet.

Please, God.

- Did you let in a fucking Jehovah's Witness?
- Shh!

Come on, come on.

Fuck.

Yes.

Fuck.

I must've known
it'd all be gone by now.

I'm not stupid.

But I had to see for myself.

There's your house
in Hoboken, baby.

He left me to rot.

The one person
I had left in the world.

You left me to rot.

You fucking...

You fucking left me
to fucking rot!

You left me to fucking...
you fucking...

You left me to fucking rot.

Oh, my God.

Hey, are you okay
in there?

Yeah, I'm okay.
Yeah, I'm-I'm okay, thank you.

I am not okay.

- So we were thinking...
- I'm so sorry.

I think I had a little incident

with your shower curtain
in there.

When did you move in here?

- To this place?
- Uh, last June.

Right. Uh, do you guys know
who used to live here before?

- Nope.
- What about the landlord?

Can I have
the landlord's number?

- Mm, no. The building was sold
about a year ago. - Yeah.

- It's a different landlord now, so...
- Yeah. Right. Okay.

We can't help you.

- Okay.
- Sorry.

I hope I didn't
make you nervous.

I really don't want to be
that person.

- Hey, sexy mami.
- Jesus Christ.

Oh, you're not gonna
talk to me now?

'Cause I was gonna
help you out.

Who you looking for?

- I'm looking for Dominic.
- Dominic?

Dominic who?

Dominic Arfonso.

You know, I've never seen you
around here before.

Well, I used to live right here

for five years with Dominic.

You say that like I know
who the fuck that is.

So what the fuck
you ask me for, then?

He used to run this block,
that's who the fuck he is.

And he would have never let
anybody who worked for him

handle cash out in the open
like you just did.

I saw you do it.

You know what,
do me a fucking favor.

Don't blow your smoke
in my face, please.

So you a bitch, huh?

- What the fuck you say to me?
- You're a fuckin' hard-ass bitch.

- Hey, motherfucker!
- Hey!

Do not give me
a motherfucking reason

to go back to prison today.
Don't do it.

Don't tempt me,
you stupid motherfucker.

Shit, bitch!

You tried to light me
on fucking fire.

What the fuck is wrong
with you?

Fuck you, you stupid ass.

Nobody used to dare
fuck with me around here,

but now?

It's all gone.

Except...

Like a mirage in the desert,

Empanada fucking Loca!

Hey, hey, hey!

Fuck!

You don't see me here, either?
Shit. God!

Oh, Jesus!

I am so sorry, young lady.
You okay?

"Young lady."

My dad used to call me
young lady.

Well, mine would
call me young man,

but only when
I was in trouble.

I would take being in trouble

if I could see him
right about now.

I know the feeling.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Welcome to Empanada Loca.

We got a special going on:

- three for five dollars.
- What?

Oh, God.

Shit, it's not called
Empanada Loca for no reason.

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
It's just...

This is the first place
I've been that's still here,

and it's exactly
the fucking same.

I know, it's so sad.

No! Oh, my God, my God,
there used to be, like,

people in here all the time,
lines around the block.

Shit, I missed this place.

Mm-hmm. Cute.

Damn, girl, you're tall.

You could be, like, a model.

Oh, here it is.
Right there, that's my favorite.

This one. Guava and cheese.
Oh, I love this one.

Can I have one, please?

Oh, here we go.

One eighty-five.

- Here you go.
- I can't break a 50.

- Oh, that's all I...
- Is it even real?

Yeah, it's real.
They gave me $200 in 50s.

That's all I have.
Uh, you really can't?

Sorry.

Policy.

Really?

I just want to crawl
into a hole and die,

but I don't even have a hole
to crawl into.

Dolores Roach?

Luis?

Holy fuck, it is you.

You're all grown up.

Oh, my God, Dolores Roach
in the fucking flesh.

It's been, like, forever, mami.

And, yo, mami, you ain't,
you ain't aged a day.

Nellie, Nellie, this fine
lady right here and I,

yo, we go back!

- Mm-kay.
- Yo, don't worry

about a thing, Dolores,
I got you.

You know you have VIP access

at Empanada Loca para siempre.

Come on. Vente. Let's go!

Thank you.

Thank you.

- Wow.
- My pride and joy right there.

Mmm! My guava and cheese.

Same secret recipe since
my pops opened up this place

back in '87.

- Oh, what...
- Oh...

Uh, sorry, sorry, so sorry.

I forgot to warn you
about the splash zone.

Shit.

- Guess it's not my day.
- Come on.

- When did you get out, anyway?
- That would be this morning.

You... You just got out
this morning?

Mm-hmm.

And you, uh...

You-you came right back here?

I know. Well, I guess...

- You guess?
- I know, I thought...

I just... I thought...

You thought, uh...
What did you think?

That I would crash
with Dominic.

Dominic?

Mm-hmm.

Do you know where he is?

I mean, uh,
I ain't seen Dominic

since the last time I saw you.

Seriously?

Yeah, nah.

You know where he is?

No, I don't know.

That's why I just asked you.
I don't know where he is.

Well, I remember, like,
right after you went in,

I heard he had, like,
some kind of heart attack.

Oh, my God, what?

Then I also heard, like,
he moved to Oregon

to work at a fucking
grow house.

So no one knows what
they're talking about.

They just know that...
he ain't here.

Goddamn it.

- Goddamn it!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- It's okay. It's...
- No, it's not okay.

I gave up 16 years of my life
to protect his ass.

And now we got these fucking
kids living in our apartment.

And all our money is gone.

Everything I saved up
for five years.

And I don't got shit, Luis.

Are you in, like,
a halfway house or...

Halfway house?
Shit, I wish.

You have, like, a parole
officer to check in with?

No, no. Parole? No, no parole.

I have fulfilled
the maximum requirements

of my determinate sentence.

So stick a fucking fork
in me, I'm done.

Shit, man.

Yo...

on the plus side,

you're not gonna get,
like, drug tested?

Not drug tested.

Yo, Nellie!

Keep an eye on our customers

up here for a minute.

- Okay.
- Yo, come on.

I still live down
in the basement.

Oh, shit,
that's right.

He lives below the shop.

I remember this place.

Where's your pops?

Is he still the super here, too?

Oh, no, he, uh, he passed away
a few years back.

His kidneys shut down.

Aw, I'm sorry, Luis.

- I really liked that old guy.
- I appreciate that.

Sixteen years stolen
just for this fucking plant.

Here goes nothing.

Mmm, so this strain
right here

is called Sour Apple Pop.

Whoa, shit. Sorry.

Yo, hold on.
Hold on real quick.

- Oh, God.
- Don't worry, I got you.

I got you, I got you.

I think my lungs...
lungs are out of practice.

Fuck.

Fuck!

- What? What happened?
- The water's out again.

Yo, I-I'm sorry, girl,
it's fucking...

The building got sold
a few months back,

and the new landlord's, like,
fucking with my water and shit.

You're getting harassed
by your landlord?

- You got to move?
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.
I'm good. I got a lease.

Yo, man, that weed is
mad strong.

Yeah, 'cause it's that
medical-grade shit.

You still can't buy it
legally in New York yet,

so I found myself, like,
this, like, albino dude, right?

He gets his shit from
a dispensary in Colorado.

You kidding me?

Even the drug business
got gentrified.

What was that? Oh, my God.

Jesus, what...

Oh, God.

Ugh.

Thank you.

Yo, I swear to God

- I'm gonna kill this fucking guy.
- Who?

Who? The landlord,
the fucking piece of shit, man.

You know? This place has always
changed hands before,

but you know, it's never been
worth more than

what we were fucking paying,
you know?

But now this area, this area is,
like, blowing the fuck up

- and shit, you know?
- How stoned is he?

- I could've taken fucking...
- How stoned am I?

This place was an empanada shop
when I was born,

and it's gonna be
an empanada shop when I die.

Dude sounds nuts
like my dad did

by his second whiskey.

But just like then,
I got nowhere else to go.

Oh, oh...

Oh, my God, Luis, wha-wha-what's
the matter with you?

What?

- I...
- What do you... Come on.

- No. Oh, my God.
- Oh, got all tingly.

- Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
- Let's sit down.

Relax, man.

That shit is strong.

- No, I think I'm having a panic attack.
- Okay. All right.

I'm having a fucking
panic attack.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Your shoulders are jacked up.

So is your neck.

- What?
- Yo.

Your hands.

How you get so good at this?

Oh, shit.

Man, I've been giving
massages for commissary

for, like, a decade.

And I was in there with
some angry bitches,

let me tell you.

But not one of them
I couldn't turn into Jell-O.

They called me "magic hands."

- Magic Hands Dolores.
- Yeah.

I thought maybe that
I could do this, like, for real.

You know, like...
like be a legit masseuse

out here, you know?

Yeah. That-that sounds
amazing, D.

You got a plan.

Well, my plan was
to find Dominic.

'Cause he owes me
a place to stay.

You know, at least
he owes me that shit.

Yo, fuck that dude.

Why don't...
You could stay here.

Really?
'Cause I'm not gonna lie.

When I saw this couch,
I thought that,

I could just, I could crash
here for, like,

- you know, tonight.
- Oh, no.

- You know, even on your floor.
- No, no, no. My dad's room

is just sitting there empty.

- You know?
- I don't... I don't care.

- It's just sitting there empty.
- Listen, I got like, $200 in 50s.

- No, no, I wouldn't charge you no rent.
- I promise you that

- I'm gonna find a job, I swear to God.
- No, no, no. Stop.

- ASAP, I'm gonna find a job.
- Stop.

Dolores, stop.

All right?

You can have that room
for as long as you want.

You know,
I could feed you, too.

Smoke you out. Huh?
Nah, just kidding.

Or not.

You know, it'd be really nice
to have you around, Dolores.

So many people gone now.

You would really
let me stay here,

just for a minute, for free?

I'm not letting you...

I'm asking you to.

Why would you do that for me?

I miss you, Dolores Roach.

And I've been thinking
about you a whole lot.

If I had any
other options right now,

that might creep me out.

Alone...

with the door locked...

stoned.

It's a miracle.

This bedroom is where
Luis said his old man died.

But it feels sort of safe
down here.

Like sort of safe.

Luis's pop's old shirts
and shit.

And I get all curled up
thinking about Tabitha,

'cause this is about to be
my first night without her

in a very fucking long time.

And thinking about Dominic...

...the love of my life.

Thinking about Luis's dad

dying in this room peacefully.

Of course I had no idea
how many more people

were about to die
in that room...

maybe not so peacefully.

Flora?

You coming to the party?

Yeah. Um...

I'll meet you there.

Okay.

You're such a good listener.

♪ Sweeney Todd, the barber ♪

♪ By gum, he were better
than the play ♪

♪ Sweeney Todd, the barber ♪

♪ "I'll polish 'em off,"
he used to say ♪

♪ And many's the poor
young orphan lad ♪

♪ Had the first square meal
he'd ever had ♪

♪ A hot meat pie
made out of his dad ♪

♪ From Sweeney Todd,
the barber ♪

♪ It was Saturday night
in old Sweeney Todd's shop ♪

♪ And his customers sat
in a row ♪

♪ While Sweeney, behind a
screen, shaved some poor mug ♪

♪ And his sweetheart made pies
down below ♪♪