The Healing Powers of Dude (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Game On - full transcript
She wanted to go crazy,
and he didn't know what to do.
I don't see any veggies
on those trays.
Enjoy your lunch, kids.
Hope it's a healthy one.
I can't believe Meyers
banned Dude from the cafeteria.
I mean, how is a dog unsanitary?
Well, he does lick his own butt a lot.
And why is he so obsessed
with Dude stealing a cookie?
Wait a second.
I ate that stolen cookie.
That makes me an accomplice.
Does it help you at all
that you can see Dude?
- A little.
- Can I come in now? How about now?
Hey, where'd you go?
I hope I'm not missing Sloppy Joe Day.
No, I can't do this anymore.
But it's so cozy in here.
Cozy. I want a new, bigger office
or I strike.
Then who's gonna unclog your toilet
three times a day?
Shh. Okay, fine. I'll...
figure something out.
Everybody hates him.
And I said it couldn't be true.
Scratch? What are you doing here?
Came to see you.
They told me you'd gone domestic.
I said, "Dude? No way."
Looks like I was wrong.
Come on. I'm still the same Dude.
Sure, I'm living with a family now,
but I haven't gone domestic.
Nice nails.
What? Can't a dog feel pretty?
No judgment here. I just wanted
to let you in on a sweet deal
me and the boys got going on.
There's a sausage truck
that's left unattended
every afternoon down by the old warehouse.
We just sneak in
and take as much as we want.
I'm talkin' sausage as big as your face.
I kind of have this emotional-support gig,
and I can't just leave
whenever I feel like it.
Well, enjoy all that
while I enjoy sausage.
See you around, Dude.
Hey! Tell the boys
I'm still the same old Dude.
Aw, shoot. I chipped a nail.
Ew, that's disgusting.
Guys. I totally forgot to tell you.
Guess what's coming in the mail tomorrow.
The limited edition re-release
of the first-ever "Final Conflict."
No way.
I haven't played the original in forever.
Although...
I am pretty amazing
at "Final Conflict," five through nine.
There's more than one "Final Conflict"?
Wait. You saying that you've never played
"Final Conflict" before?
I'm more of a "Minecraft" guy.
They're basically the same,
except instead of using your pickax
to mine for resources,
you use it to decapitate people.
Come play it at my house tomorrow.
Go over...
to your house?
Yeah, though full disclose...
we breed ferrets.
Yuck. Let's just go to my house.
Ferrets.
Yuck.
No!
I mean...
you guys should just come play
at my house.
- Okay.
- Sure.
I haven't had a friend over
since I was eight,
and we both remember how that went.
Poor Bobby D'Agastino.
Wait. What happened to Bobby D'Agostino?
Today has to go perfectly.
It will. Just call out what's on the list.
- Okay. Snacks.
- Check.
"house wheelchair accessible
per Amara's email"?
Check. Front-door ramp completed,
and it's a pretty sweet ramp,
if I do say so myself.
Okay. Next up
is "prep statue in shed to show kids."
Wait. What?
It's only if everyone
wants to take a break from video games.
I think that's a great idea.
Ew.
I should probably switch shirts.
I've already sweat through this one.
Personally, I think you smell great,
but I may not be the best judge.
No way! My favorite designer,
Rachel Weisberg,
is gonna be
at the new boutique opening today.
I have to go.
I'm sorry, honey. Noah's friends
are already on their way over.
But why can't one of you stay here,
and one of you go with me downtown?
Kiddo, it's a pretty big deal for Noah.
Yeah, he needs both of us here
to make sure it goes smoothly.
Oops, scented candles.
I'll check the closets,
you check the bathroom.
Nice to know scented candles
are more important
than the happiness
of your own daughter.
Guys! They're here.
Quick, how's my breath?
Coming! We're coming.
Okay.
Now, if you're feeling anxious at all,
count backwards, all right?
Five, four,
three, two--
One. Feel so much better.
I'll get the door.
Hello.
Hi.
I just want you all to know...
he made me do this.
Behold!
The original...
"Final Conflict."
This is very uncomfortable.
Okay, that's enough.
That looks like a way more violent game
than we usually let Noah play today.
- Dad.
- But not today.
Today, the more violent, the better.
Come on in.
Nice job with the ramp.
Well, thank you.
- You are crushing it.
- Wow.
Put the game in already.
Okay, okay.
Final Conflict.
Choose your warrior.
Hyah.
Did he just slice that guy's head in half?
Yeah.
- This is definitely not "Minecraft."
- Should I see this level of violence?
Noah, maybe you should just watch first
since you've never played before.
Yes, totally. You guys go for it.
Who's ready for some snacks?
I've got chips.
And I made a night jungle scene
out of melon.
The game of friendship is about to begin.
Level one-- snacks.
Come on, guys, eat the snacks.
Eat the snacks.
Melon jungle?
You are literally
blowing my mind right now.
And normal chips are fine for me.
Snacks defeated.
Okay, if you guys need anything else,
just holla.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Wow. This is going surprisingly well.
I clearly didn't eat enough
of Noah's breakfast this morning.
I wonder if Scratch
is enjoying those sausages
- this very minute.
- Okay, enough snacking.
- Let's play.
- Finally.
Prepare for battle.
- Fight.
- Yeah.
Take that.
That must hurt.
Are you gonna talk the whole time?
Yep. And here comes my signature move.
Bam!
Defeated.
It's time
for Octar's celebration dance.
Yikes.
How do we make him stop?
Try throwing a melon monkey at him.
Maybe I could just duck out for a few
to grab one little sausage.
Dude, you can go out if you need to.
Okay. Sausage, here I come.
I haven't been downtown in a minute.
Gentrification
is clearly thriving down here.
I'm very concerned
about the social implications
that this is having on our youth and--
What is that?
I smell sausage.
Totally.
Heh. Seriously, Addy.
I'm not gonna miss out
on my favorite designer's boutique opening
just because my parents
can't stop thinking about Noah
for one second.
Addy?
My phone is dead.
Wait.
Where am I?
Figured you guys
could use a refill on snacks.
Savage kick to the face, Simon.
Back in the day,
I used to play "Donkey Kong."
You guys ever heard of "Donkey Kong"?
- No.
- Never.
Dad, I-I-I think Mom's calling you.
That's weird. I didn't hear her.
Basically, the premise of "Donkey Kong"
is there's this gorilla named Donkey Kong,
and he captures this maiden,
and he takes her up into his lair,
and he just throws
all these barrels down at, Mario.
Level two-- embarrassing dad.
Five, four...
three...
I never realized
he might be related to King Kong.
You have to come get Dad.
What? Why?
He's rambling about different Kongs.
I wish that sounded surprising.
Mom!
They... were all just here.
Well, where could they have gone?
The shed!
- And this piece is--
- Marvin!
Hey.
I thought the kids needed a break,
so I brought 'em out here.
- We didn't need a break.
- Wow, it's really coming together.
It's not even done yet.
You like it?
But unfortunately, the kids only have
so much time to play, so...
Okay, so now we're gonna
leave you guys alone, right, Marvin?
Yeah. No, I didn't mean
to overstay my welcome.
When you guys were playing video games...
Emarrassing dad defeated.
Well...
look who decided to show up.
- Dude.
- Dude's here.
Max, how you doing?
Bandit, you old troublemaker.
Hey, Stinky Pete.
Dude, you look good.
Domestic life agrees with you.
And you look...
Well, it's great to see everyone.
Did I miss the sausage?
No, you're just in time.
Come on, let's roll.
Sweet Mother of Mercy.
Booyah!
- I'm on fire.
- Defeated.
How about we make the next round
a little more interesting?
Loser buys ice cream for a week?
But he just beat you four times.
I'm not afraid.
Are you?
It's on.
Prepare for battle.
Fight.
I can just taste that Rocky Road now.
Just tell me when you're ready.
Ready for what?
Defeated.
FYI, I'm a double scoop kind of girl.
No one's ever killed me like that before.
Where did you learn that?
The dark web. Okay, Noah, it's your turn.
Really?
Okay.
X and Y are for kicking,
A and B are for punching.
Hit that one to grab, that one block.
That should be enough to start. Got it?
- Not really.
- Great
Simon, take it easy on him,
or I'll do these moves on you...
- IRL.
- Prepare for battle.
- Fight.
- Okay, hit the X.
Nice. Do it again.
Now block. You're doing great, Noah.
Starting to see
why you guys like this game.
Hey, Dr. Ice. Why don't you chill out?
This is taking it easy on him?
Yep.
Get ready to be globally warmed.
Noah, hit that one to punch.
No, use your right thumb.
Here, watch me.
See? Just like this.
Level three-- impress friends.
Looks like you're losing already.
That feast was magical.
I told you they was good.
So,
back to this cafeteria situation.
I mean, this Meyers guy
really has it out for me.
Enough about Meyers and No-el.
- Noah.
- Whatever.
That whole thing sounds like such a pain.
I mean, you gotta be with this kid
all the time?
Not all the time.
I mean, I'm here right now.
Plus, Noah's awesome. You'd love him.
Love a human? Gross.
I just don't get why you'd want to have
that kind of responsibility.
I mean, come on.
This is the life.
Sure, it's great.
Although I forgot how Stinky Pete's
stomach responds to pork.
Sorry.
I'm telling you, man, think about it.
No annoying humans to take care of.
Just fun, all day, every day.
Can't believe this.
How'd I miss the boutique?
Hey!
I may be small,
but most of my teachers are afraid of me!
Wait a minute.
Is that...
Who's the girl?
One of my annoying humans.
- I gotta go.
- Seriously?
Thanks for checking in on me,
but... you're right.
I have gone domestic.
Later, boys.
Bye, Dude.
Dude!
Yikes.
TBH, you smell like dumpster vomit.
You're not wrong.
- Do you know how to get home?
- Heh. Of course I know how to get home.
Eenie-meenie-miney...
This way. Woof.
Um, guys?
Looks like someone's
out of secret moves.
Well, maybe if someone
stopped hiding behind that crate.
Do you think I could--
A good warrior
waits for the right moment to strike.
You mean like this?
- Defeated.
- Yes!
You owe me waffle cone, sucka.
Finally met my match.
Just as you feared. They don't think
you're good enough to play with them,
so they'd rather play without you.
It's over.
They'll never hang out with you again.
Are you ready to give it another try?
Noah?
Bro.
Mr. and Mrs. Ferris?
What's going on?
It's okay. He'll be fine.
He was good, and then--
I know. Um...
I think maybe it's time for you guys to...
Thank you for having us.
Home sweet home.
What happened?
I can't believe
I did that in front of them.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
Here.
Give Dude a squeeze.
That'll make you feel better, okay?
Hug me as hard as you need.
That's too hard.
Dude.
They're never gonna want
to hang out with me again.
We'll see about that.
Yes. Got away with it.
Got away with what?
I've...
got a way with words.
Got a way with words.
Wait. Where are you coming from?
I...
- I went downtown to see the boutique.
- Are you kidding me?
But I got lost and didn't even make it,
so you win.
You are nine years old.
How could you have gone downtown
by yourself?
A bus.
Do you have any idea
what you put your dad and me through?
You didn't even know I was gone.
That's fair, but I do now,
and from this moment on,
we are gonna keep
a much closer eye on you. Em--
Em...
Embry!
Dude, where you taking me?
Noah.
Hey, guys.
Man, we are so sorry.
We got caught up in the greatness
that is "Final Conflict"...
and we acted like jerks.
Yeah. Can you forgive us?
Yeah.
Of course.
So, why did Dude take us here?
All will be revealed.
This is how horror movies begin.
Simon, are you hiding behind my chair?
No.
Stop talking and take this place in.
It's our new lunch spot!
You know...
since I can't bring the Dude
into the cafeteria with me...
- this could be our new lunch spot.
- I knew you'd get there.
Yeah. It just needs some love.
The Fearsome Foursome...
and their secret hideaway.
Fearsome Foursome.
- I don't hate the name.
- As long as I get top billing, okay.
I mean, it really should be
Dude and the Thrilling Threesome,
but I'm willing to go along.
Amara...
just let me know
when you want to get ice cream.
Okay.
Seriously, just...
say the word,
because I can literally go whenever.
I got it.
I will let you know.
Cool.
and he didn't know what to do.
I don't see any veggies
on those trays.
Enjoy your lunch, kids.
Hope it's a healthy one.
I can't believe Meyers
banned Dude from the cafeteria.
I mean, how is a dog unsanitary?
Well, he does lick his own butt a lot.
And why is he so obsessed
with Dude stealing a cookie?
Wait a second.
I ate that stolen cookie.
That makes me an accomplice.
Does it help you at all
that you can see Dude?
- A little.
- Can I come in now? How about now?
Hey, where'd you go?
I hope I'm not missing Sloppy Joe Day.
No, I can't do this anymore.
But it's so cozy in here.
Cozy. I want a new, bigger office
or I strike.
Then who's gonna unclog your toilet
three times a day?
Shh. Okay, fine. I'll...
figure something out.
Everybody hates him.
And I said it couldn't be true.
Scratch? What are you doing here?
Came to see you.
They told me you'd gone domestic.
I said, "Dude? No way."
Looks like I was wrong.
Come on. I'm still the same Dude.
Sure, I'm living with a family now,
but I haven't gone domestic.
Nice nails.
What? Can't a dog feel pretty?
No judgment here. I just wanted
to let you in on a sweet deal
me and the boys got going on.
There's a sausage truck
that's left unattended
every afternoon down by the old warehouse.
We just sneak in
and take as much as we want.
I'm talkin' sausage as big as your face.
I kind of have this emotional-support gig,
and I can't just leave
whenever I feel like it.
Well, enjoy all that
while I enjoy sausage.
See you around, Dude.
Hey! Tell the boys
I'm still the same old Dude.
Aw, shoot. I chipped a nail.
Ew, that's disgusting.
Guys. I totally forgot to tell you.
Guess what's coming in the mail tomorrow.
The limited edition re-release
of the first-ever "Final Conflict."
No way.
I haven't played the original in forever.
Although...
I am pretty amazing
at "Final Conflict," five through nine.
There's more than one "Final Conflict"?
Wait. You saying that you've never played
"Final Conflict" before?
I'm more of a "Minecraft" guy.
They're basically the same,
except instead of using your pickax
to mine for resources,
you use it to decapitate people.
Come play it at my house tomorrow.
Go over...
to your house?
Yeah, though full disclose...
we breed ferrets.
Yuck. Let's just go to my house.
Ferrets.
Yuck.
No!
I mean...
you guys should just come play
at my house.
- Okay.
- Sure.
I haven't had a friend over
since I was eight,
and we both remember how that went.
Poor Bobby D'Agastino.
Wait. What happened to Bobby D'Agostino?
Today has to go perfectly.
It will. Just call out what's on the list.
- Okay. Snacks.
- Check.
"house wheelchair accessible
per Amara's email"?
Check. Front-door ramp completed,
and it's a pretty sweet ramp,
if I do say so myself.
Okay. Next up
is "prep statue in shed to show kids."
Wait. What?
It's only if everyone
wants to take a break from video games.
I think that's a great idea.
Ew.
I should probably switch shirts.
I've already sweat through this one.
Personally, I think you smell great,
but I may not be the best judge.
No way! My favorite designer,
Rachel Weisberg,
is gonna be
at the new boutique opening today.
I have to go.
I'm sorry, honey. Noah's friends
are already on their way over.
But why can't one of you stay here,
and one of you go with me downtown?
Kiddo, it's a pretty big deal for Noah.
Yeah, he needs both of us here
to make sure it goes smoothly.
Oops, scented candles.
I'll check the closets,
you check the bathroom.
Nice to know scented candles
are more important
than the happiness
of your own daughter.
Guys! They're here.
Quick, how's my breath?
Coming! We're coming.
Okay.
Now, if you're feeling anxious at all,
count backwards, all right?
Five, four,
three, two--
One. Feel so much better.
I'll get the door.
Hello.
Hi.
I just want you all to know...
he made me do this.
Behold!
The original...
"Final Conflict."
This is very uncomfortable.
Okay, that's enough.
That looks like a way more violent game
than we usually let Noah play today.
- Dad.
- But not today.
Today, the more violent, the better.
Come on in.
Nice job with the ramp.
Well, thank you.
- You are crushing it.
- Wow.
Put the game in already.
Okay, okay.
Final Conflict.
Choose your warrior.
Hyah.
Did he just slice that guy's head in half?
Yeah.
- This is definitely not "Minecraft."
- Should I see this level of violence?
Noah, maybe you should just watch first
since you've never played before.
Yes, totally. You guys go for it.
Who's ready for some snacks?
I've got chips.
And I made a night jungle scene
out of melon.
The game of friendship is about to begin.
Level one-- snacks.
Come on, guys, eat the snacks.
Eat the snacks.
Melon jungle?
You are literally
blowing my mind right now.
And normal chips are fine for me.
Snacks defeated.
Okay, if you guys need anything else,
just holla.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Wow. This is going surprisingly well.
I clearly didn't eat enough
of Noah's breakfast this morning.
I wonder if Scratch
is enjoying those sausages
- this very minute.
- Okay, enough snacking.
- Let's play.
- Finally.
Prepare for battle.
- Fight.
- Yeah.
Take that.
That must hurt.
Are you gonna talk the whole time?
Yep. And here comes my signature move.
Bam!
Defeated.
It's time
for Octar's celebration dance.
Yikes.
How do we make him stop?
Try throwing a melon monkey at him.
Maybe I could just duck out for a few
to grab one little sausage.
Dude, you can go out if you need to.
Okay. Sausage, here I come.
I haven't been downtown in a minute.
Gentrification
is clearly thriving down here.
I'm very concerned
about the social implications
that this is having on our youth and--
What is that?
I smell sausage.
Totally.
Heh. Seriously, Addy.
I'm not gonna miss out
on my favorite designer's boutique opening
just because my parents
can't stop thinking about Noah
for one second.
Addy?
My phone is dead.
Wait.
Where am I?
Figured you guys
could use a refill on snacks.
Savage kick to the face, Simon.
Back in the day,
I used to play "Donkey Kong."
You guys ever heard of "Donkey Kong"?
- No.
- Never.
Dad, I-I-I think Mom's calling you.
That's weird. I didn't hear her.
Basically, the premise of "Donkey Kong"
is there's this gorilla named Donkey Kong,
and he captures this maiden,
and he takes her up into his lair,
and he just throws
all these barrels down at, Mario.
Level two-- embarrassing dad.
Five, four...
three...
I never realized
he might be related to King Kong.
You have to come get Dad.
What? Why?
He's rambling about different Kongs.
I wish that sounded surprising.
Mom!
They... were all just here.
Well, where could they have gone?
The shed!
- And this piece is--
- Marvin!
Hey.
I thought the kids needed a break,
so I brought 'em out here.
- We didn't need a break.
- Wow, it's really coming together.
It's not even done yet.
You like it?
But unfortunately, the kids only have
so much time to play, so...
Okay, so now we're gonna
leave you guys alone, right, Marvin?
Yeah. No, I didn't mean
to overstay my welcome.
When you guys were playing video games...
Emarrassing dad defeated.
Well...
look who decided to show up.
- Dude.
- Dude's here.
Max, how you doing?
Bandit, you old troublemaker.
Hey, Stinky Pete.
Dude, you look good.
Domestic life agrees with you.
And you look...
Well, it's great to see everyone.
Did I miss the sausage?
No, you're just in time.
Come on, let's roll.
Sweet Mother of Mercy.
Booyah!
- I'm on fire.
- Defeated.
How about we make the next round
a little more interesting?
Loser buys ice cream for a week?
But he just beat you four times.
I'm not afraid.
Are you?
It's on.
Prepare for battle.
Fight.
I can just taste that Rocky Road now.
Just tell me when you're ready.
Ready for what?
Defeated.
FYI, I'm a double scoop kind of girl.
No one's ever killed me like that before.
Where did you learn that?
The dark web. Okay, Noah, it's your turn.
Really?
Okay.
X and Y are for kicking,
A and B are for punching.
Hit that one to grab, that one block.
That should be enough to start. Got it?
- Not really.
- Great
Simon, take it easy on him,
or I'll do these moves on you...
- IRL.
- Prepare for battle.
- Fight.
- Okay, hit the X.
Nice. Do it again.
Now block. You're doing great, Noah.
Starting to see
why you guys like this game.
Hey, Dr. Ice. Why don't you chill out?
This is taking it easy on him?
Yep.
Get ready to be globally warmed.
Noah, hit that one to punch.
No, use your right thumb.
Here, watch me.
See? Just like this.
Level three-- impress friends.
Looks like you're losing already.
That feast was magical.
I told you they was good.
So,
back to this cafeteria situation.
I mean, this Meyers guy
really has it out for me.
Enough about Meyers and No-el.
- Noah.
- Whatever.
That whole thing sounds like such a pain.
I mean, you gotta be with this kid
all the time?
Not all the time.
I mean, I'm here right now.
Plus, Noah's awesome. You'd love him.
Love a human? Gross.
I just don't get why you'd want to have
that kind of responsibility.
I mean, come on.
This is the life.
Sure, it's great.
Although I forgot how Stinky Pete's
stomach responds to pork.
Sorry.
I'm telling you, man, think about it.
No annoying humans to take care of.
Just fun, all day, every day.
Can't believe this.
How'd I miss the boutique?
Hey!
I may be small,
but most of my teachers are afraid of me!
Wait a minute.
Is that...
Who's the girl?
One of my annoying humans.
- I gotta go.
- Seriously?
Thanks for checking in on me,
but... you're right.
I have gone domestic.
Later, boys.
Bye, Dude.
Dude!
Yikes.
TBH, you smell like dumpster vomit.
You're not wrong.
- Do you know how to get home?
- Heh. Of course I know how to get home.
Eenie-meenie-miney...
This way. Woof.
Um, guys?
Looks like someone's
out of secret moves.
Well, maybe if someone
stopped hiding behind that crate.
Do you think I could--
A good warrior
waits for the right moment to strike.
You mean like this?
- Defeated.
- Yes!
You owe me waffle cone, sucka.
Finally met my match.
Just as you feared. They don't think
you're good enough to play with them,
so they'd rather play without you.
It's over.
They'll never hang out with you again.
Are you ready to give it another try?
Noah?
Bro.
Mr. and Mrs. Ferris?
What's going on?
It's okay. He'll be fine.
He was good, and then--
I know. Um...
I think maybe it's time for you guys to...
Thank you for having us.
Home sweet home.
What happened?
I can't believe
I did that in front of them.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
Here.
Give Dude a squeeze.
That'll make you feel better, okay?
Hug me as hard as you need.
That's too hard.
Dude.
They're never gonna want
to hang out with me again.
We'll see about that.
Yes. Got away with it.
Got away with what?
I've...
got a way with words.
Got a way with words.
Wait. Where are you coming from?
I...
- I went downtown to see the boutique.
- Are you kidding me?
But I got lost and didn't even make it,
so you win.
You are nine years old.
How could you have gone downtown
by yourself?
A bus.
Do you have any idea
what you put your dad and me through?
You didn't even know I was gone.
That's fair, but I do now,
and from this moment on,
we are gonna keep
a much closer eye on you. Em--
Em...
Embry!
Dude, where you taking me?
Noah.
Hey, guys.
Man, we are so sorry.
We got caught up in the greatness
that is "Final Conflict"...
and we acted like jerks.
Yeah. Can you forgive us?
Yeah.
Of course.
So, why did Dude take us here?
All will be revealed.
This is how horror movies begin.
Simon, are you hiding behind my chair?
No.
Stop talking and take this place in.
It's our new lunch spot!
You know...
since I can't bring the Dude
into the cafeteria with me...
- this could be our new lunch spot.
- I knew you'd get there.
Yeah. It just needs some love.
The Fearsome Foursome...
and their secret hideaway.
Fearsome Foursome.
- I don't hate the name.
- As long as I get top billing, okay.
I mean, it really should be
Dude and the Thrilling Threesome,
but I'm willing to go along.
Amara...
just let me know
when you want to get ice cream.
Okay.
Seriously, just...
say the word,
because I can literally go whenever.
I got it.
I will let you know.
Cool.