The Healing Powers of Dude (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Second Step: Homeroom - full transcript

Maybe I should walk in with him.

Why don't you carry him in like a baby
and give him a pacifier, Dad?

Everyone relax.
We've been prepping for this all summer,

and Dr. Castanov
said that he was totally ready.

It's just hard to let go
after homeschooling for two years.

The student has now become the...

- Well, I guess he's still a student.
- Here's a wild idea.

Why don't we just ask Noah
how he's feeling?

I'm feeling...

mostly worried
I'm gonna make a big fool of myself

in front of all those kids.



But otherwise ready to get out there

and make some friends
that aren't you guys.

- No offense.
- Some taken.

Okay, this is my "everything's fine,

and I don't have
social anxiety disorder" face.

That bad?

- Not at all.
- No.

Never do it again.

Okay, well, I should go.

Wait. Here's a map to homeroom
that I drew for you.

Thanks for making me so... buff.

Also, don't forget to repeat the mantra.

This is going great.
Nobody's looking at my weird-shaped head.

Definitely won't be saying that.



When you feel a panic attack coming on
just take deep breaths like this...

I guess I'll see you guys after school
at Grandma's cafe.

We love you...

This much!

This is going great.

Nobody's looking at my weird-shaped--

Ach, Embry.

Okay. First step...

get inside school.

Second step...

find my homeroom.

Deep breaths.

- You can do this.
- Excuse me?

You're blocking my way.

I...

I...

No, no, no.

No, you won't move out of my way?

Is something wrong with your head?

Man, you think my head
is shaped weird?

Seems normal-shaped to me.

I mean, I guess your forehead's
kind of long.

I can't do this.

Just a girl in a wheelchair
trying to get an education.

How's he doing?

He hasn't wanted to talk much.

So we've been giving him some space.

I was thinking, maybe we should
go back to homeschooling.

I've recently perfected
this Adam Sandler impression,

which I think will liven up math
a little bit.

"Three hundred divided by 15

equals zippity-doo."

Yeah, that's not helpful.

Hey, kiddo.

We knew this morning
wasn't gonna be a walk in the park.

To be fair,
he's also afraid of walks in the park.

- Only when it's crowded.
- Don't you have a play date to go to?

Yeah. I'm teaching the neighbor kid
how to accessorize.

He thinks plain Band-Aids
are a fashion statement. Don't wait up.

We have to consider the other option
that Dr. Castanov suggested.

I already said no. I'm not
an emotional-support dog kind of guy.

Well, I didn't think that I was
a French tuck kind of guy

until Embry suggested it,
and look at me now.

Sweetie, we promise we'll find you
the best emotional-support dog out there.

This is the best
emotional-support dog out there?

Aw, all dogs do that.

Maybe not that much.

Dr. Castanov said Dude came from
a highly renowned service-dog school.

I'm sure that he will
hit the ground running.

Um...

- Whoops.
- Dude, you are hopeless.

So I wasn't cut out to be a service dog,

but they thought I could handle
being an emotional-support dog.

How hard can this be?

I let you pet me when you're feeling down,
you give me treats.

Please tell me you have treats.

Hey, kiddo. My gut is telling me
that Dude is the answer.

And you know what I always say
about my gut.

- That it can't handle dairy?
- Yes.

But also that it's never wrong.

Just remember to pet Dude.

Let him give you kisses
whenever you're feeling anxious.

Not sure I want that tongue
anywhere near me.

That's the spirit.

Schmancy. I bet they serve
some gourmet lunches up in this joint,

like mac and cheese with peas in it.

Okay. I can do this.

Can't go worse than yesterday. Right?

What happened yesterday?

Can only get better.
Nothing bad's gonna happen to my head.

You're starting to really freak me out
about yesterday.

First step... get inside school.

This is it.

That's all you were worried about?
Hah. I knew I could handle this job.

- They're inside.
- Yeah.

I'm so proud of him.

I didn't even need to take
the day off of work.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Noah could come barreling out of there
at any moment, which is why...

- Are you serious?
- This is all the standard stakeout...

...stuff.

Right, 'cause cops are always
giving each other back massages.

Gross, no.

Cool dog.

Hey. Can I pet him?

Wow, he's so soft.

What's his name? My name's Simon,
but everyone just calls me Turbo.

Yikes. Everyone must hate you.

No, wait. I take it back. Keep scratching.

So, you a sixth-grader, too?

I didn't know middle school was so huge.

I got lost on the way to the cafeteria
and had to eat a pack of gum for lunch.

Between us,
I heard the only way to survive

is to start a fight
with the biggest eighth-grader.

What a cutie.

It's just kids being friendly.

It's okay. Nothing bad is happening.

Did you say something?

Too many kids.

Do any of you guys have treats?
I'm worried this one doesn't.

Okay, everyone move back.
Move back, please.

Mr. Ferris.

Let's go to my office.

Now...

Noah, I need to confess something.

I'm... more of a cat person.

This is my prized Scottish Fold--
Lord Dingwall.

So...

- cute.
- He looks like he eats his own poop.

Anywho, when your parents called
and told me

you'd be bringing in
an emotional-support...

dog...

- hah--

my first reaction was, "No!"

But then I did
a soothing grapefruit face mask...

and decided to compile
a list of rules for Dude-y.

Dude.

Wonder how he got that... fun name.

Dude.

Dude.

Dude.

Yeah, that was just a phase.

Anywho... rule one,
no peeing on school property.

Rule two, no barking.
Rule 3, no growl--

Um, exactly how many rules are there?

Fifty-three.

Rule four, slobber shall remain inside
dog's mouth at all times.

Rule five, no jumping. That's a good one.
Rule six, no running.

Rule seven, dog shall...

Principal...

Rule eight, if dogs are mentioned,

cats must also be mentioned
in the next sentence.

Noah, bud, are you...
you feeling okay?

Ruh-roh.

If you're gonna throw up,
just aim away from-- .

What do you want, Embry?

Your room 'cause it's bigger.
Mom to stop wearing leggings.

I just wanted to see how school went.

Aw, kid. Read the vibe.

I was trapped by zombie kids
and threw up on the principal.

Honestly, that's much better
than I thought it would go.

Well, thanks for stopping by.

You did say you wanted to make friends.

Not that many at once.

I can try to tone down the charm.

Who am I kidding?
That's impossible.

Will someone help me get the peanut butter
out of the doggy torture device?

You know, I think I may have a way
to help you blend in.

How?

Get this kid off of me.

What do you think?

I've decided to start
a fancy clothing line for dogs.

Take that off him now.

I just don't want you to give up yet.

I'm not.

Don't worry.
I'll come up with my own plan.

Man, if the boys could see me now...

Coming in early
was definitely the right move.

Hey, smells like cheese in here.

Wait. That's me.

Dude, we practiced this.

Settle down.

Hey, dog guy.

Wait, Wait up.

Not today, Turbo.

- I think we lost him.
- Well, what are the odds?

I'm in here doing some extra credit.

Yeah, that's right.

It's day three,
and I'm already doing extra credit.

And look who comes barging in.

The kid who refused to get out of my way.

Are you sure it was me?
I have very generic features.

Hello. Can I come out now?
I'm getting tangled in here.

Don't play dumb. What makes you think
you can treat people like that?

What? Spit it out.

Why do you have a dog wearing a cowboy hat
in your backpack?

Embry.
I told her I couldn't pull this look off.

Well... he's my...

emotional...

support dog.

For what?

I have...

social anxiety disorder.

I had no idea.

You know, after my aunt's boyfriend
dumped her,

she got an emotional-support pig.
It poops on everything.

Yeah, Dude poops a lot, too.

That is personal information.

So was it your anxiety
that made you run in here?

It was that Turbo kid.

Simon?

Yeah, nobody calls him Turbo.

That makes a lot more sense.

Hey, why is the door locked?

The bell's about to ring.
You should probably unlock the door.

Let... me... in.

I just remembered I have...

jury duty.

Okay.

All right, Dude.

Yesterday, we tried going early.
Today, we'll try going late.

So, is this, like,
an order-at-the-counter situation, or...

Somehow we're gonna get to homeroom.

Here you go, my numero uno.

Thanks, Grandma, but I think
my stomach's too jumpy for food.

I feel like she wants you to eat it.

Aw...

such a good boy.

No. Please don't see me.
Please dont see me.

- Please don't see him.
- Come back here, Turd-o.

He actually picked a fight
with the biggest eighth grader.

Look, when I called you guys
Timon and Pumbaa,

I meant it as a compliment..

I'll take that.

See what you got in here.

A... roll of toilet paper?

The school only has one-ply,

and like my mother says,
I have a very sensitive tush.

We'll take that.

I should do something.

I can't do something.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

Okay, kid. I'll do this for you.

Hey!

Is this your dog?

He's a friend.

Ho ho, I barely know this kid.

I- I just let him scratch me once.

His only friend's a dog.

Yeah, a dog who drank
a lot of toilet water this morning.

Gross!

Aah.

Hey, thanks for sending your dog out.

I mean, I had it totally under control,
but thanks.

Sure. Um, good boy, Dude.

- It went exactly as we planned.
- We?

When were you part of...

Aw, that is the spot.

So...

Amara told me about your social anxiety
and to stop yelling at you.

She did what?

Shoot. I think she also said
that I wasn't supposed to tell you

that you told me about your anxiety.

- It's okay. just stop saying that word.
- Anxiety?

Yes. That one.

You know, if we hurry we can still make it
before homeroom starts.

I promise I won't be loud or make a scene.

We'll just be to super-chill amigos
walking to class together.

Amigos?

That means friends in Spanish.

Yeah, I-I know what amigos means.

Amigos? With this guy?

I guess I can walk in with you.

Awesome! I mean, awesome.

- Mom says Noah left the cafe.
- And he's with another kid!

- How do you know that?
- 'Cause he's right there.

I found a rogue cheese ball.

So...

What does having
the word that I can't say feel like?

Well, right now, my brain is sorting out
a million different ways

this walk to class
could go horribly wrong.

You're just like Doctor Strange.

More like...

Doctor Anxiety.

- So you can say the word.
- Yep.

Okay, cool.
Just feeling out the parameters.

Hey.

Aah. I would've peed myself
if I wasn't already on empty.

So, you guys are cool now?

I guess you took my advice
and chilled out.

- Yep.
- Not exactly.

Well, are you guys headed to homeroom?
Can I go with you?

sure.

Look at us, making friends.

I can't wait for you to meet
Miss Flatbert.

Just so you're fully prepared,
she never blinks.

- You're exaggerating.
- Name one time she blinked.

What if she only blinks when you blink?

I wonder if there's an award
for best support animal?

Hey, wait up!

And what do we have here?

Are-Are we getting close?

Yep, it's just down that hall.

Feels like the AC's broken in here.

Are you okay?

Maybe I should just hold Dude.

Dude?

Turkey sandwich, BBQ chips, cookies.
Celery?

- Dude?
- I'm over here, Noah.

You're not gonna believe it.
This kid brought celery.

Class is starting, ladies. Tick-tock.

I'm stuck. A little help here.

- Noah!
- Um...

- I-I found Dude.
- Gentlemen...

chess club is still looking for a captain.
Who is going to step up?

Aah.

He's so embarrassed.

Rule 54...

dogs must be on a leash
so that they don't bump into a teacher,

who bumps into the principal,
causing him to spill coffee

all over himself!

Um, I can't imagine this exact scenario
ever happening again.

Aah!

Can you believe Meyers?
What a drama queen.

I needed you.

I... Noah, there was this...

lunch bag and...

I'm sure Dude
didn't mean for all that to happen.

He abandoned me for a sandwich.

What kind of sandwich?

Not important.

The point is, I was this close
to making it to homeroom,

and then he embarrassed me
in front of everyone.

I thought we were starting
to make a good team,

but he only cares about himself.
And sandwiches.

I never want to see him again.

It was turkey on ciabatta.

It's one of my top-five sandwiches.

And I didn't eat it.

There you are.

What do you guys think?

Should I add a little mohawk?

Em, you know how I feel about mohawks.

I love them. But your brother
needs a little moment right now.

Do you remember the skate park?

He was so cute
with his little skateboard.

We went to that skate park
every day for a week

until finally you felt comfortable enough
to skate in front of the other kids.

I fell a lot.

I still have a scar.

But the important thing is
that you always got back up.

- Now, that scar is a reminder--
- That I'm awful at skateboarding?

No. That you can do anything
you set your mind to.

Remember, sweetie, going back to school
was something you really wanted to do.

I know.

I just...

Okay. If tomorrow's
another total disaster,

can I please go back to homeschooling?

I should probably let you both know now
that my math skills

don't go past fifth grade.

So give it your best shot.

He keeps doing that voice.
I have no clue who it is.

Hey.

I thought there was no way
you would show up today.

Why? 'Cause I totally humiliated myself
in front of the whole school?

That was meant to be joke.

Ha ha.

Good one.

So, where's Dude?

No idea.

I was really upset last night,
and I think he sensed it.

My mom thinks he's just hiding
in the house somewhere.

I'm sure he'll turn up.

I don't know.
My cousin Tony lost his dog,

- and they never--
- Simon.

Never...

had to look for him because he died.

Yeah.

Well, I think it's cool you came back.

Yesterday reminded me
why I'm not cut out for real school.

I'm only here
'cause I promised my parents,

who are currently spying on me outside,

that I'd give it another shot.

Only ten more minutes,
and I'm out of here.

I think you're looking at yesterday
all wrong.

You're the kid
who embarrassed Principal Meyers.

That gave you
some major street cred, bro.

Speaking of...

Is there a back door I can sneak out?

Yeah, this way.

I still can't believe
he doesn't know who Adam Sandler is.

We have clearly failed as parents.
I mean, The Cobbler is a classic.

- Look, he's halfway into the school.
- That's awesome.

Wait.

You have an app
that tracks Noah's phone?

It actually tracks everyone's phones.

So, you know where we are
at all times...

even Wednesdays?

Yep.

All I care about is myself and sandwiches.

That is so not true.
I also care about...

...ice cream!

Can you... just... stay... still?

Dude?

Of all the days.

Reginald, my old service-dog instructor.

Did you do something new with your fur?
It looks great.

Where's your human?

He moved. South America.

Turns out they don't allow dogs there.

Really?

Okay, I ran away.

Thanks for showing me the way out.

- No problem.
- Hopefully we'll see you around.

Well...

check you later.

Please...

forget I just did that.

- Yeah.
- Done.

Hey, Noah.

In case you care...

that's our homeroom.

Second step... homeroom.

Do you want to try and go in?

Noah?

You look weird.

I'm sinking!

Do you see him sinking or...

Maybe it's a new slang,

like when you're
super into something, you're...

sinking?

So you couldn't handle the job?

Actually, I was
a pretty good comfort dog.

I made Noah feel better
when he started to panic, and--

I even helped him make friends.

And then I messed it all up,
and he never wants to see me again.

Well, if you paid attention in class--

I did not.

You'd know, a dog's job
is to forget about himself

and focus on
becoming one with their human.

Where were you
with this advice last night?

Why did he stop moving?

I think your phone is frozen.
Here, let me smack it on the dash.

Ach. Come on, Noah!

Wait. Noah?

Move, Noah! Move!

He's so close.
Just a few more steps to homeroom.

Homeroom. I think my human needs me.

Well, what are you gonna do, then?

Spend the rest of your life
stealing ice cream from babies,

or become the best dang support dog
you can be can be?

Can't I do both?

I kid.

I'm coming, Noah!

Look.

Man, you're sinking into the floor.

Dude, you came back!

I'll never leave you again, buddy.

- He did it!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

My God!

I really hope
you haven't licked your butt recently.

I have.

Noah Ferris?

Here.

Step two, get to homeroom.

Step three, survive middle school.