The Good Wife (2009–2016): Season 5, Episode 9 - Whack-a-Mole - full transcript

CARY:
We need money.
Ripped By mstoll

Put simply, we need more clients.

Thank you.
Do you wanna hear this or not?

- We were all hurt by our slow rollout.
JOHN: We didn't have an office.

CARY:
I'm not saying there's not a reason.

- We need more money, need clients...
JOHN: I'm sick of being faced with...

Okay, okay, okay.

We're in the situation we're in.

So, what do we do about it?

[ALL CHATTERING]

Okay, okay, we're swamped.



- We have lost half of our top litigators.
HOWARD: Yeah, and good riddance.

And our caseload has increased.

We have received continuances
on eight of our 12 open cases,

but we need to start hiring soon.

DAVID:
We also need to get our clients back.

Losing ChumHum
is still an embarrassment.

But first things first. We need
four associates with trial experience.

We also need
to deal with Florrick/Agos.

DIANE:
No, we can't keep obsessing about...

DAVID:
No, no, no.

DIANE: Move on.
DAVID: I have a great...

Wait, listen. We do both.

No "first things first."

We expedite hiring
and work on client loss.



David, I want you to form
a client-retention working group.

Bring our clients back home.

And, Diane...

Howard, why don't you
take over the status meeting?

Kalinda.

We need new clients. We can't
keep looking to Lockhart Gardner.

ROBYN:
How about a Christmas party?

How about what?

Well, we had a slow rollout
because we didn't have office space,

and now we have office space,
so let's have a real rollout.

SONDRA:
Mrs. Florrick, you have a phone call.

I'll be right back.

It's someone who said
he was an old client of yours,

- a Zayeed Shaheed.
- Zayeed, yes, thanks.

Zayeed? Yes, it's Alicia.

How are you doing?

MAN [OVER PHONE]:
Fine, thank you.

Look, Alicia, I hate to be blunt,

but I could use your help
with a problem right now.

Okay. What is it?

A university colleague
is trying to get a job as a CIA analyst,

and the FBI is here
asking some questions about him

- for a background check.
- Okay, where's here?

- My home. Why?
- Uh, no reason.

- Keep going.
- Well, their questions

are getting more personal. I'm worried
about getting this person in trouble.

ALICIA: Are you still on campus?
- I am. 2143 Burnham.

Okay, I'm coming to you.

Ask the federal agents politely

to wait until I get there
for more questioning, okay?

- Okay.
- Robyn, I need you as a witness.

- New client?
ALICIA: Old.

CARY: With money?
- Some.

BETH:
Lauralee Gregg.

Tulane undergrad, Yale School of Law,
ten years at McKinley,

- Barrett and Skiff.
- No.

- May I ask why?
- Ten years at McKinley and Barrett,

and she was second chair
on her last case.

- I wouldn't read anything into that.
- I do.

David Benjamin Goldbaum.

- Georgetown undergrad, Stanford...
- Next.

Heh. Will, if you don't snap him up,
Fisher & Chung will.

WILL:
That makes sense.

Uh, David's a great litigator.

- We lost to him in court.
- Settled with him.

- Yeah, for $2 million.
WILL: Which should have been 4.

So you're rejecting him because
he wasn't hard enough on you?

Yes.

Who was that?

- It's no one, not appropriate.
WILL: Beth.

We're not who we were.

What was inappropriate
two months ago is appropriate now.

Damian Boyle.

He's been in private practice
for 15 years. Criminal law.

- His clients are, well, not your clients.
DIANE: Pro bono?

No, very not pro bono.

Antonio Pola last year,

- Sal Calastana.
- Where's his photo?

He doesn't like being photographed.

He's looking for a home.

Some of his top clients
are in prison now,

and he needs to make ends meet.

The problem is nobody wants him.

Will, just because someone
is wrong for us doesn't make him right.

Let's see him. What can it hurt?

ZAYEED: Thanks for doing this.
- No problem. Are they still here?

Yes, they decided to stay.

- They're a little impatient.
- Play it sweet.

After we're introduced, ask them
if you can record the interview

for your records.

Thanks for waiting. Call it
a lawyerly overabundance of caution.

So this is about
Mr. Shaheed's colleague?

Yes, Ezzedine Kalb.

We just had a few questions.

Now, Mr. Kalb was in Milwaukee
recently with you?

- Do you mind if I tape this?
AGENT: This interview?

- Why?
- Oh, for our records.

We do it all the time.
I'm bad at taking notes.

- We'd rather this be off the record.
ROBYN: It will be.

I just need a correct record
for my notes.

Robyn's a stickler for detail.

Certainly, if it's for your notes.
You were in Milwaukee

- with your colleague two weeks ago?
- Yes.

And why were you there?

For a conference

on educational differences
in developing countries.

I see. And did you spend
the whole time with Mr. Kalb?

- No, not the whole time.
AGENT: And what about the afternoon

of October 15?

- The 15th this year?
- Yes.

The day of the explosion
at the Milwaukee Food Festival?

Yes, I think that's right.

I'm gonna ask my client to stop
answering questions at this time.

- Why?
- Because I don't think

this interview
is what you're implying.

- What do you think we're implying?
- Zayeed,

- you can ask them to leave now.
- No, he can't.

This is a warrant for computers,
files, iPads, smartphones,

papers in the possession
of your client.

Zayeed, I need you
to step out of the room for a second.

Robyn, you take him.

AGENT:
Agent Anderson, accompany them

to make sure no materials
subject to the warrant are disturbed.

It's the color of my skin.

- They think I planted a bomb.
- Shh.

Zayeed, were you anywhere
near the bomb site?

- No, I barely left the hotel.
- What hotel?

- The Sheraton.
ROBYN: Well, where were you

- at the time of the explosion?
ZAYEED: In my room.

What are they gonna find
on your computer, Zayeed?

Nothing. My book, my lectures.

No porn, no foreign financing?

Anything that needs to be explained.

- No.
ALICIA: Tell us now.

We'll find out later.

Look, the subject matter
of my book is jihad.

Not violent jihad. Spiritual jihad.

But the materials can be open
to misinterpretation.

Stay out of their way
and don't answer any more questions.

- Where are you going?
- To quash the warrant.

FIGGS:
Your Honor!

Why are you yelling? I'm not yelling.

FIGGS:
I'm passionate, Your Honor.

- The abuse here is passion-inducing.
- Passion-inducing?

Well, goodness,
let's not have our passion induced.

So let me get this straight.

You want me to bar him
from representing him.

- That's your requested remedy?
FIGGS: Yes.

Damian Boyle is not just representing
the Gerraghty crime family.

He's a member
of the Gerraghty crime family.

DAMIAN: Because I'm Irish?
FIGGS: Nothing to do with it.

DAMIAN:
Because I've beaten you in court?

FIGGS:
You haven't beaten me.

DAMIAN: Your Honor,
I am a simple small-town lawyer...

- I have an idea. You stand up.
DAMIAN: My apologies.

Your Honor,
I am a simple small-town lawyer

who's come to the big city
to defend an honest businessman.

And I've beaten the AUSA three times
in three previous court hearings,

and that's why he wants to bar me
from representing an innocent man.

But, correct me if I'm wrong,
this is America.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna
let this man tread on my rights,

your rights or anyone's rights.

Thank you.
That was a beautiful speech.

DAMIAN: You're welcome.
I know we work in a cynical business,

but I believe it.

FIGGS:
Your Honor, we have federal wiretaps

with Mr. Boyle conducting business
for the Gerraghty syndicate.

DAMIAN:
Oh, really? Well, let's hear it.

Mr. Boyle, please, let me do my job.
Let's hear it.

FIGGS: The taps are sealed, Your
Honor, part of a wider investigation.

[LAUGHS]

FIGGS: Yeah, keep laughing, Mr. Boyle.
Keep... We're coming after you...

[GAVEL BANGING]

DAMIAN: What have I done to this man
except beat him fair and square?

ALICIA: Your Honor,
this warrant should be quashed.

It's racial profiling, pure and simple.

AGENT:
The FBI doesn't racially profile.

He was a dark-skinned man
visiting Milwaukee.

- A dark-skinned man advocating jihad.
- Not the jihad of violent overthrow.

Your Honor, we don't need to prove
that Zayeed Shaheed planted a bomb.

- We only need to prove...
- That there is more evidence

than Mr. Shaheed's name
and the color of his skin.

My client was nowhere near
the crime scene

before or after the bombing.

He was in Room 546...

Your Honor, this picture was taken

two minutes prior
to the fateful explosion,

and as you can see,
that is Zayeed Shaheed

passing the garbage can
where the bomb was placed.

But I would love to hear more about
Mr. Shaheed being in Room 546.

[PUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

[CROWD CHATTERING
AND LAUGHING]

Uh, if there are legal papers
anywhere on your person,

I suggest you keep walking.

[MAN CHUCKLES]

Will Gardner. I'm a partner at LG.

Lockhart Gardner.

Oh, congratulations.
What do you want?

I saw you in court today.
Can I buy you a drink?

Another black, please.

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

[BOTH LAUGH]

What was that?

[DAMIAN CLEARS THROAT]

- Jewish joke.
- Ah.

Has he heard the one
about the Irish pilot?

He has, yeah.

So you drinking or what?

Another black.

You're gonna lose the case
against the government.

- It happens.
- The judges are just human.

They don't mind pissing off
an individual lawyer.

They do think twice
when it's a whole law firm.

What's the name
of your firm again, pal?

Lockhart Gardner.

- Mm. Never heard of it.
- What firms have you heard of?

- Heh, heh.
- You still looking for a home?

- Why, you offering me a job?
- I might be.

[SNIFFS THEN CLEARS THROAT]

There are friends I have
that I defend no matter what.

Do they have money?

Then that's not a problem.

- I don't work Sundays.
- Why not?

Ahem. What do you care?

Okay, you work twice as hard
during the week, I'm fine with that.

Okay.

Let me think about it.

ZAYEED:
That's not me, I swear.

You were in your hotel room
taking a nap?

Yes, I was in my hotel room.

- At 3 in the afternoon?
- I was tired.

And no one saw you there.

I didn't have anything to do with this.

- I'm a teacher, that's all.
- Alicia.

- Is it a surveillance camera?
- No, see up here?

- This blur?
ALICIA: Yeah.

ROBYN: I thought that was a thumb
from someone using their iPhone.

A tourist photo?

- How'd it get to the FBI?
- Scabbit.

The website. There's a thread
on the Milwaukee bombing.

Everybody's talking
about who might have done it,

like the Boston Marathon. There.

The FBI is getting their photos
from Scabbit?

Yeah, it looks like it.

And one other thing.
If the feds are using Scabbit,

- Zayeed is in real trouble.
- Why?

Well, the people on here think he did it,
and they say they can prove it.

And Peter's been so sweet to me.

He sent a car for me. A town car.

Oh.

JACKIE: Oh, being the governor's
mom has certain advantages,

but it's not just, uh...

Ahem. Would you excuse me
for just one minute?

- Jackie, what a surprise.
JACKIE: Mr. Gold.

- Rachel.
ELl: Oh, you two know each other?

Yes, I clerked for her husband
a zillion years ago.

Nice to see you, Jackie.

Rachel was the judge's
favorite clerk.

ELl: Well, hats off for not
playing that card with Peter.

- With Peter?
ELl: Yes.

Rachel's the new Supreme Court
candidate to replace Diane Lockhart.

Oh, well, then congratulations
are certainly in order.

The judge would be proud.

Well, thank you, Jackie.
That means the world.

Yes, well, I'll let you two
get back to your meeting.

Mr. Gold, could I speak to you
for just one minute?

Sure.

Tell her no. She's not getting
the Supreme Court seat.

Really? Why is that?

- Let her down gently.
- Jackie.

No.

You get to decorate the offices
and throw the inaugural ball,

but this, this is my prerogative.

This is Peter's prerogative.

Whatever grudge you have,
you need to suck it up.

Good seeing you.

ALICIA:
That's not him.

ZEPPS:
Then go to the FBI with a proffer.

Explain the jihad stuff.
Show the feds that's not him.

There's another photo.
Someone just uploaded it.

What? Of Zayeed? You're kidding.

"Zayeed Shaheed
fleeing the bombing.

Police should do something."
Signed Sharkbit678.

That doesn't even make sense.

- He's skating.
- Doesn't look like him either.

Ah. "That's not Zayeed.
That's his accomplice.

See the walkie-talkie
in his back pocket?

Laoshunt93."

- Oh, my God, this stuff is crazy.
- What's crazy is the FBI using it.

Sue for an injunction.

- What?
CARY: Against Scabbit.

- Force them to take down the thread.
ZEPPS: What'll that do?

If the FBI is using crowd-sourcing
for its investigation, cut off the supply.

Good. I'll go to court.

I'll make the proffer.

DIANE:
All right...

Whoa, wait, wait.
We didn't vote on this.

Yes, but we discussed
hiring a new partner.

At a meeting you left.

Yes, but I got a sense of the room,

and the sense was that we wanted
to hire somebody.

What is this "sense of the room" crap?
When did that start replacing votes?

- Who is this guy anyway?
- Damian Boyle.

Top litigator. If we didn't act,
he would've been snapped up.

HOWARD: Never heard of him.
- Mob lawyer.

- No, he's not.
- Will. Will, that is not true.

- What's not true?
DIANE: What you just said.

He wouldn't have been snapped up.

Our headhunter told us
the exact opposite.

Oh, so the truth comes out.

Look, decisions sometimes need
to be made on the fly.

In my opinion, this was one of them.

If you disagree, sanction me.

- Okay.
- Will...

No, no. This is not about you...

[ALL CHATTERING]

Excuse me.

- Is it always like this?
RENATA: No.

- The last few weeks.
DAMIAN: What's this? This song:

[WHISTLING HAUNTING TUNE]

- I have no idea.
DAMIAN: Oh, don't you hate that?

When a song gets stuck
in your head?

More than anything.

DAMIAN:
You have very pretty eyes.

No, I don't.

No, you do.
And I know from pretty eyes.

Damian, you're on the client-retention
working group.

Yeah, yeah. Hold on.

[DAMIAN WHISTLING
HAUNTING TUNE]

DIANE:
Will.

- You can't be doing this.
- Doing what?

Making this firm grow?

Making decisions
before they get argued to death?

This was a decision
that could've used arguing.

You know how this works. David Lee
argues for a relative, you say no.

It's referred to a subcommittee.

They take three weeks
and come back with a stalemate.

- You don't know that.
- I do know that.

At a certain point,
someone just needs to decide.

We don't have the luxury
of being a deadlocked government.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Well, then welcome to your decision,

because that's what happens
when one person decides.

DAMIAN: You can always
call me there. I'm just saying.

Oh, okay.

What did he say?

He's sick of debate.

Well, I don't give a damn.
This isn't communist Russia.

DIANE:
Well, what do you want me to do?

Sanction Will,
and get this new lawyer kicked out.

David, a month ago,
you wanted me kicked out.

Yeah, so? That was a month ago.

I have two-thirds of the partners
ready to dump him.

- Will?
- No, him.

Mr. Mob.

They wanna know if you're on board.

- Hello again.
- Hello again to you, Your Honor.

KLUGER:
I hear you started your own law firm.

- Uh, yes, Your Honor, three weeks in.
KLUGER: Congratulations.

What brings you
to brighten my courtroom today?

An injunction, Your Honor,
against Scabbit,

a social news and entertainment site

where users post or link to content.

I see we seem to be alone
here today.

Yes, Your Honor.
Scabbit has ignored our subpoenas.

We believe this is brinkmanship
through absence.

I won't grant an injunction
against a website

without letting them air
their arguments.

We're not asking for an injunction
against the whole website,

just one thread on that site,
a thread that disparages our client.

Okay, give me all the relevant
evidence, I will rule.

And, of course,
it's good seeing you again.

Can you do me a favor?
Next time, can you bring me back

something just a little more serious?

I don't know,
like a grocery-store robbery?

Definitely, Your Honor.

Three ayes. All opposed?

Four opposed.

Are you an abstention, Mr. Boyle?

What?

DIANE: Are you abstaining?
- To what?

Whether we should negotiate
with Florrick/Agos

to share the ongoing
ChumHum privacy suit?

This is the firm
that stole your clients?

DIANE:
Yes.

And that's one of the clients
they stole?

Yes, it's a top client,
35 million a year in billables.

- Thirty-five million?
- Try listening next time.

DAMIAN:
And you want to negotiate with them?

They stole 35 million a year from you,
and you want to negotiate?

DAVID:
Just vote, okay?

Sure. Which way do I vote
to get buggered?

DIANE:
I'll mark you down as an abstention.

What are you doing?

- What am I doing?
DAMIAN: Yeah.

Is this the client-retention
working group?

- Yeah. You got a minute?
HOWARD: Yeah.

Come on.

You. What do you do here?

Doesn't matter.
You're coming with me, all right?

You too. Ditch the jackets.

- What are you doing?
- Working.

DAMIAN:
No, you get lunch off. Come on.

Come on.

I'm taking a legal field trip.

[RINGS]

Florrick, Agos & Associates.

No, Mr. Agos is at lunch right now.
May I take a message?

[ELEVATOR RATTLES]

Wait, I think that might be him. Wait.

- How's it going?
SONDRA: One second.

No, that's not him. That's...

Right, everything. Lamps too.

Excuse me. Uh, hello?

Hello. Yes, we're here
with the rental company.

They wanted us to swap out
the furniture.

I didn't know anything about that.

Yeah, well,
we just got the call ourselves.

Howard, call the office
and tell them we're on our way.

- What?
- Ha, ha. Howard.

Call the office,
tell them we're on our way.

We'll be really quick, all right?
Just let us know if we get in the way.

[PHONE RINGING]

- Sure.
- Cheers, love.

Oh, careful with those, now, guys.

All of it into the freight elevator.

Tsk. Aw.

ROBYN:
It's gone.

- The thread?
- Yeah.

"Due to legal injunction, this thread
has been removed by the owners."

Well, the law works,
even on the Internet.

- Oh.
- What?

There's another thread?

There's another thread.
It just popped up.

"Bombing suspect still at large."

Does it mention Zayeed?

This is Whac-a-Mole.

We get an injunction on one thread,
and another one pops up.

We need to get Scabbit in court.

Well, the judge leans our way.
Maybe they'll sanction him.

Oh, yeah, the movers came,

and they said they should have
the furniture here in about an hour.

Peter, I need you to get on the phone
with one of the g...

You cannot let Peter
appoint Rachel Keyser.

Give me a minute, Nora.

- He has already appointed her.
- Then tell him he made a mistake.

I thought you said
she was the judge's favorite.

She was.

Oh.

- Oh.
- I will not have a woman

who slept with my husband, and al...

Almost ruined my family,

be rewarded
with a seat in my son's cabinet.

Does Peter know?

No.

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry, Jackie.

- I understand why you're upset.
- No, you don't.

That's true, I don't,
but my hands are tied here.

Peter has already reversed the
appointment of one female candidate.

- He can't do it again.
- You don't want me

to go to my son about this.

No, you're right, I don't.

But I don't think you want to either.

[SIGHS]

- That's dirty, Eli.
- No, no, it's not.

There is no political reason
to dump this candidate,

and I will not pretend there is
to make things...

...emotionally easier.

How understanding of you.

ELl:
Jackie, I'm sorry, but...

[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]

BAILIFF:
All rise.

Well, that injunction didn't work.

It appears so, Your Honor.

And as you can see,
a new thread has popped up

- that also disparages our client.
KLUGER: That has a way of happening.

And as you can see, Scabbit
has again refused to appear in court.

No, we just got a message.

They are on their way
with their new counsel.

So let's give them
a couple of moments.

So how is it going on your own?

- On my own?
KLUGER: Mm-hm.

Oh, my own law firm.

Bracing, Your Honor.

I remember my first year
hanging the shingle.

Oh, God, there's
nothing scarier in the world.

- Yes, Your Honor.
- Oh, here's your opposition.

Hello, Your Honor.
Will Gardner and Damian Boyle here

representing the interests
of Scabbit. Com.

KLUGER:
Will Gardner?

Why is that...?

Oh, yes.

You two used to be
on the same side, didn't you?

- Yes, Your Honor.
KLUGER: Oh, well, that's awkward.

Not at all, Your Honor.

Scabbit has not adhered to the
cease-and-desist order, Your Honor.

We have adhered, Your Honor.
As Mrs. Florrick is well aware,

we've taken down the thread
covered in the original complaint.

The thread has been renamed,
not taken down.

- May I approach?
- Oh, please.

As you can see here,

the deleted Milwaukee Bomber
thread has been renamed

"Who Bombed
the Milwaukee Festival?"

WILL:
That is not a renaming.

That is a spontaneous expression
of Scabbit's members.

We took down the thread.

- They introduced their own.
DAMIAN: We can control our actions,

but we cannot and should not control
the actions of our members.

We are not asking them
to control anyone but themselves.

We ask that they be forced
to take down this new thread.

You know,
I agree with Mrs. Florrick.

You're playing with semantics.
You're not going to the spirit of the law.

We ask that they take down
this thread, Your Honor.

Sure.

This is the CEO of Scabbit. Com.

- Mr. Essex, would you do the honor?
- Yes.

It's gone. The thread's gone.

This is a game... Your Honor,
may I approach the bench?

Oh, come on down. It's a party.

CARY: This is a game
of Whac-a-Mole, Your Honor.

There'll be three more threads
by this afternoon.

I have a question. Has anyone
ever actually played Whac-a-Mole?

Or is it some metaphor
we use mindlessly?

Ooh. Yes, I have,
Your Honor. Navy Pier.

- It's really good.
KLUGER: Uh-huh.

- Helps get out aggressions.
- What's your name?

- Damian Boyle.
- What part of Ireland?

DAMIAN:
Oh, no, no. The accent's fake.

- I'm from Queens.
KLUGER: Ha, ha.

The point is, Your Honor, we move that
Scabbit honor the spirit of your ruling

- by deleting threads as they appear.
- How?

I mean, how do we do that?

Scabbit employs moderators who...

KLUGER:
Yes, Mrs. Florrick?

Uh, we just...

- That, uh...
- Your Honor, we ask that ChumHum...

Excuse me.
That Scabbit issue an edict

to have those moderators
prohibit postings

- vilifying Zayeed Shaheed.
WILL: That is a prior restraint.

I'm surprised Mrs. Florrick
and Mr. Agos would suggest it.

Maybe that would work for Chu...

We are ready and able to delete
any threads ordered by the court,

but it is unconstitutional
to restrain speech beforehand.

ALICIA:
Your Honor, this is a game.

Yes, Whac-a-Mole.
We've been over this.

We can't come in here
every time a new post appears.

There's a new one.

ALICIA:
See? New thread's up already.

- What's the title of it?
- "Milwaukee Bomber Part Two."

WILL: Would the court like it deleted?
- Yes.

- Done.
- Your Honor, this is ridiculous.

Yes, unfortunately, it might be,
but it's the law.

My cease-and-desist orders cannot
cover future infractions, only current.

So return with objections to threads
as they appear, and I will rule.

[GAVEL BANGS]

ALICIA:
Where did you get that?

What? Oh. Oh, this old thing.
Oh, I don't know.

- Why? Do you like it?
- I liked it when it was on my desk.

DAMIAN:
Oh, you have one too?

You're the world's
number one mom?

Well, I have me moments.

CARY: You took the furniture
from our offices?

So this is what it's come down to?
High-school pranks?

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Oh, my God.

- Yeah, it's time to...
- I am calling for a vote

to rescind the partnership
extended to Damian Boyle by Will.

- Any debate?
- I kind of like the guy.

Yeah, I say we give him a chance.

David, you're the one
who called for this vote.

- Yeah, I changed my mind.
HOWARD: Me too.

And he brought us this Internet thing.
What's it called?

- Scabbit.
- Yeah.

And he's a very funny guy.

Howard, this is a law firm,
not Second City.

If the motion is to remove him,
I'd vote no.

Hey, you were looking for me?

What do you think of Damian?

- Hmm. Not much.
- Based on what?

First impressions.

Can you get me more than that?

I can try.
We didn't get a chance to vet him.

Vet him now.

I sent Sondra
to get another card table.

- Who was that guy?
CARY: Damian Boyle?

Lockhart Gardner's new rainmaker.

Brass-knuckles type.

Why would Lockhart Gardner
represent Scabbit?

- There can't be much money there.
- It's a double-bank shot.

They want ChumHum to see us
arguing against Internet freedom.

- So they can pull ChumHum back.
CARY: Yup.

- Any leads on our furniture?
ROBYN: No.

The surveillance cameras downstairs
were broken.

CARY: Mm.
ALICIA: Heh.

We're having new furniture
brought in this afternoon.

CARY: Wanna get the cops involved?
ALICIA: Zayeed?

- What's wrong?
- I just got fired.

- What?
- I went back to my office,

and Security barred my door.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

It's these threads.
They're saying incredible things.

They say I was at a madrasa
in Afghanistan.

They say I was
at a terrorist training camp.

- What?
- We've been going at this wrong.

In a piecemeal way.

You have damages now.

- Defamation, Your Honor.
- Well, that's imaginative.

You two do know
that I have other cases?

We're asking for $400,000
in compensatory damages

- and 8 million in punitive damages.
- Wow, 8 million.

- Why not 60?
- Our client lost his job

and a lucrative book deal

due to the reckless behavior
exhibited by Scabbit.

DAMIAN:
There's no defamation.

Section 230
of the Communications Decency Act

specifically exempts hosts
from the responsibility

of postings for their users.

Right, you can't sue the city
for building sidewalks

where protesters
voice their freedom of speech.

Yes, unless the offender
is an employee of the Scabbit website.

You're fishing. She's fishing.

ALICIA:
I wish I were, but we have a witness.

- Goody.
- Grant Irvin.

Scabbit screen name:
Lotion My Feet.

"Lotion My Feet"? Really?

GRANT: Yes, it's a joke.
- Ah.

How long have you been active
on Scabbit, Mr. Irvin?

From the beginning.
The very beginning. Hi, Darryl.

In fact, you're a
Ground Floor Poster, Mr. Irvin.

- What does that mean?
- It means I'm pretty cool.

- Pretty gangsta.
- Oh, we are happy for you.

ALICIA: And this is your comment
from two days ago?

"Zayeed is a terrorist
trained in Pakistan

and sent to America undercover.

- Lotion My Feet"?
- Yes, that's me.

And how did you know this
about Zayeed?

How did I know it?
I didn't. It's my opinion.

Okay, did you know
he was born in Detroit?

GRANT: No.
ALICIA: And isn't it true that in addition

to your Ground Floor status,
you are a moderator on this site?

GRANT: Yes.
ALICIA: And as a moderator,

you monitor the topic threads

and shut down accounts
of abusive users?

GRANT: Yes.
- And does Scabbit reward you

- for these efforts?
GRANT: Yeah.

I have more Pimp Points
than any other user.

Pimp Points? What are those?

GRANT: Like Internet money.
It gets you more prestige.

I have about as much influence
as the founders.

- Nothing further.
WILL: So you said

Pimp Points are like Internet money?
Explain that to me.

Users with the most visited threads
are rewarded with online icons

- that appear next to their names.
- Ah, I see.

And can you use these Pimp Points
to buy things like food or clothing?

- Heh. No.
- Your Honor, quite simply,

employees are compensated.

Mr. Feet was never compensated
for his efforts.

Employees are also supervised,
Your Honor.

And we contend that the awarding
of points indicates supervision.

Points cannot be awarded

if the moderators are not
tracked and supervised.

Yes, that's a nice pivot.

Supervision is enough to establish
employment as regards Section 230.

- A few more questions, Your Honor?
KLUGER: Go ahead.

- Mr. Irvin, do you...?
- You can call me "Mr. Feet."

No, thanks.
Were you contacted by Scabbit

before receiving
your points and titles?

By Scabbit? No.

WILL: Any supervisor at Scabbit?
- No.

In fact, do you know
how Pimp Points are awarded?

GRANT:
Yeah, they're based on algorithm.

WILL: Meaning the computer decided
the compensation, not a human?

GRANT: Yes, it's like
Words With Friends rankings.

You reach a goal,
and, bam, here you go.

No more questions.

KLUGER:
Mrs. Florrick, any thoughts?

Not at this time.

You should have turned it down.

Jackie, hello.
I'm sorry, what was that?

I said, you should have
turned it down.

Now it will be much more
embarrassing when you bow out.

[SCOFFS]

Jackie, why don't you call my office?

We'll sit down and talk.

JACKIE:
No, thank you.

If this is about that confusion...

[CHUCKLES]

Is that what it was? Confusion?

What, where to wear your panties?

That was a long time ago. I was 25.

Yes, and you should have slept
with a husband

of someone with a shorter memory.

It was nice seeing you, Jackie,
but I'm not bowing out of anything.

JACKIE:
Then I'll tell your husband.

Tell my husband what?

That you had sex with my husband
for two years after you were married.

He's in the hospital with cancer.

That's too bad.
It'll make it that much harder for him.

- Wow. You are an awful woman.
- Yes, I am.

Bow out or I'll tell your husband.

- He already knows.
JACKIE: Heh, heh.

- I don't believe you.
RACHEL: Too bad.

Ronald and I don't keep secrets
from each other.

He's known for years.

So do your worst, Jackie.

You were never important
to the judge.

Excuse me,
I have to get to my lunch.

Thanks for doing this.
It should only take a few minutes.

Sure, and, uh, what is this?

Uh, it's the usual
employment questions.

We like to keep this stuff on file.

- Oh, you're the investigator.
KALINDA: Yes.

DAMIAN: Are you good?
- I am.

[DAMIAN CHUCKLES]

I don't believe
in women investigators.

You're just not thorough enough.

Good, that will give me more time
to work with the other partners.

Hmm.

KALINDA: Birthdate?
- July 13th, 1971.

May 5th, 1971.

November 3rd, 1972.

- And do you have a primary one?
- No.

- How long you been in the States?
- Fifteen years. How about yourself?

- In private practice?
DAMIAN: Eight years.

KALINDA: Any family?
- Yeah.

Who are they?

Five sisters in Dublin.
Four married, one in school.

My mother's in a home. Father's dead.
He left her when I was 8.

I have authority issues,
and I really like the color purple.

[CHUCKLES]

So you ever been arrested?

[CHUCKLES]

- No comment.
- Hmm. Actually, that's not a possibility.

- Actually, it has to be.
KALINDA: You don't understand.

- I need an answer.
DAMIAN: Or?

Or I will have to investigate.

And that way you won't get a chance
to put your arrests in perspective.

[SNIFFS]

Yeah, fair enough.

- Um, last first or...?
- If you want.

Yeah? Before we, um...
A few things.

I feel like I have
a better perspective on the law

because I've seen both sides of it.

Save the speech for Will and Diane.

I just need the facts.

Section 230 applies.

Your supervision counters
a clever argument,

but the reward system
is based on an algorithm.

Therefore Scabbit posters
cannot be classified as employees.

- So there's no defamation.
- We cannot be assured

that the posters are not, in fact,
employees of Scabbit.

We only have access
to their online user names.

KLUGER: Hold on.
- We ask that Scabbit release

the real names of the posters
involved in defaming my client.

This is the only way we can determine
if the posters in question

- are not actually Scabbit employees.
- Objection, Your Honor.

This is a Mrs. Florrick ploy.

- Really?
WILL: Really.

Revealing the identities of users
would destroy Scabbit.

Still, it seems like a fair
request to me.

I mean, your argument
is that the users

who defamed her client
are not employees.

Well, the only way she can tell that

is if she's given the actual names
of the users.

Can we ask for a gag order
to protect the identities of the posters?

Absolutely.
Ask for anything you want.

Unlike Scabbit, we are not interested
in defaming innocent people.

- We just want the truth.
KLUGER: Oh.

Well, try to accept your victory
without gloating, Mrs. Florrick.

Please, release the names
to Florrick/Agos by the end of the day.

[GAVEL BANGS]

DIANE: Damian?
- Yeah.

He was pretty forthcoming.

- That's surprising.
- Yeah.

He gave me
three different birthdays.

- Only three?
KALINDA: Heh.

He did pass the Illinois bar,

and he was in a DUI a few months ago
in which he hit a streetlight.

- It's not on his record?
- No, police decided not to prosecute,

after he gave a donation
to the Police Memorial Fund.

Was the donation for $18,000?

Yeah.

Howard Lyman ran into a streetlight
and donated $18,000

to the Police Memorial Fund
to avoid a DUI.

He's using Howard Lyman's
indiscretion.

- Yes.
- Okay, I'll find out more.

This one's a little off, isn't he?

Yeah.

- Dangerous?
- No.

Just off.

ROBYN: Lockhart Gardner dumped
180 names on us.

I cross-referenced them with Scabbit
employees and there were no hits.

Damn. So, what, we lost?

Well, there was one poster,
Dante Pryor, who doesn't exist.

ALICIA: Who? What does that mean?
ROBYN: It means...

I have no idea.

But he's all over the Web.

His screen name
is Chubbysocks52.

And he's on ChumHum,
Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare,

but I can't find him
through the DMV or utility companies.

- Okay, so, what do we do?
ROBYN: I have no idea.

A hundred and eighty users
defamed Zayeed.

A hundred and seventy-nine I located,
one I haven't.

His name is Dante Pryor,
and he seems to be a ghost.

Huh.

[ROARS]

[WEAPONS FIRING ON TV]

[ROARS]

[DOOR OPENS]

- Jackie Florrick.
JACKIE: Ronald.

I heard you were ill,
and it reminded me

of just how long it's been
since we've seen each other.

Yes, when you're in the hospital,
you find out who your friends are.

Yes, you do.

And I brought you flowers.

Hey, Rach. Look who's here.

You remember Jackie?

JACKIE:
Hi, Rachel.

It's so good to see you.

And how are you feeling?

Well, the diagnosis is not good.

But the bright spot is the way Rachel
has stuck by my side.

Yes, she's very special.

I remember when she worked
for the judge.

He'd come home at night
and sing her praises...

Jackie, why don't we talk outside?

JACKIE:
Of course, my dear.

It's been a while
since we've caught up as well.

We'd like to call Dante Pryor
to the stand.

Dante Pryor? Okay, that's a name.
Where is he?

ALICIA: Well, that's what we would like
to know. We can't find him.

Why did you call him?

Dante Pryor is a Scabbit user
who goes by the online name

of Chubbysocks52. It's one
of the names that was released to us.

- Why isn't he here?
- He's not human.

- He's a robot.
- Objection.

Dante Pryor is a Socialbot,
created by Scabbit

and released on their site
as Chubbysocks52.

Your Honor, I have an objection.
Relevance.

It's only relevant
if I can understand. Go on.

This Socialbot was designed
to appear human

and drive traffic
from its ChumHum account

- and Twitter feed to Scabbit.
- And it defamed your client?

How could a robot
defame your client?

It's designed to repackage
comments and gossip by others

and disperse it onto sites so it can
drive interested users back to Scabbit.

You Honor, a Socialbot
cannot defame...

"Zayeed Shaheed
is a guilty Muslim terrorist

who bombed the Milwaukee Festival.
Chubbysocks52."

KLUGER: And that...?
All that is from this Socialbot?

Yes, it's a computerized version
of the worst part of human nature.

And it was built by Scabbit.
Therefore, Scabbit is responsible.

Any thoughts?

Your Honor, we'd like a recess
to confer with our client.

KLUGER:
Go for it.

[GAVEL BANGS]

Hmm. This is different.

On the bright side, we weren't shot
by the crack dealers on the corner.

[WILL CHUCKLES]

Hello?

What?

The Spartan look, the neighborhood.

Reminds me of us starting out.

This wasn't anything like us.

Yes, it is.

Do you miss it?

I don't know.

Hello?

KALINDA:
Cutting out early?

Yeah, this is generally the time
I wire my ill-gotten gains

to my account in the Caymans.

- What do you need?
- Just a small clarification.

It appears you never had
any student loans from law school.

- How'd you pay for it?
- Me parents.

Owned the one movie theater in town,
sold it so I could cover my tuition.

You said your father left you
when you were 8.

Me ma. She owned the one
movie theater in our town,

sold it so I could cover my tuition.

What game are you playing,
Mr. Boyle?

Oh. You got me all wrong, Kalinda.
I'm not the game-playing type.

I might be the fun-loving type,
but games?

No, too much energy. Tsk.

Then why don't you just
come clean? Hmm?

You know, sooner or later,
I'll find out what I need to know.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Great, come at me.

I'm here.

Rachel, I admit I'm disappointed,
but I understand.

Thank you for calling.

- Jackie.
- Yes, Mr. Gold?

Rachel has dropped out
as Supreme Court candidate.

Oh, that's certainly unfortunate,
but I'm not at all surprised.

Why is that?

Well, I heard her husband was ill.

I'm sure she wanted
to devote time to his care.

That's the only reason?

- What else could it be?
- You.

Me? Heh.

No, I'm here to decorate
Peter's office.

- That's all.
- Jackie.

You can't do this.

Do what?

Rachel has always done
what's best for Rachel.

Well, it's always nice
chatting with you, Mr. Gold,

but I have to find a place for this.

Artwork, party planning.
You know, my domain.

Eight hundred and 30 thousand.
That's our final offer.

We used to work for you.

There are always three offers
before the final offer.

You shouldn't overestimate
our generosity.

And you shouldn't underestimate how
great it is to watch you scrambling.

Because you know you lost.

So why don't we skip
the next half hour of gymnastics

and get right to the 1.5 million
you have been authorized to offer?

SONDRA: Mrs. Florrick, you have a call.
- Take a message.

I think you're gonna wanna
talk to him.

This is Alicia Florrick.

Oh, there you are.
Hello to you, Mrs. Florrick.

This is George Kluger.

- George?
- Ge...

Otherwise known to you
as Judge Kluger the Magnificent.

Oh. Yes, of course, Your Honor.
Is everything all right?

Oh, yes,
everything is just fine, thank you.

Mrs. Florrick,
please don't take this the wrong way,

but I was wondering
if you would like to get some coffee.

Excuse me?
Ripped By mstoll