The Good Wife (2009–2016): Season 4, Episode 7 - Anatomy of a Joke - full transcript

(People laughing)

♪ ♪

Hi.

My name is Therese Dodd
and these are my breasts.

(Audience laughs)

Breast cancer
is a serious matter.

Early detection
can save lives.

And so,

as a public service,

I will now demonstrate
a self-exam.

(Drummer plays vampy beat)



(Audience oohs, whistling)
Hey.

Hey.

This is serious.

You do have a bra on
under that, right?

No, Joey,
what I have

is a drive to help women.

Yeah, see, we're live,
so it's probably best...

Okay, there they are.

MAN: And did you hear
the host say that?

Say we were live?

Yeah.

But I thought it was like a
seven-second delay or something.

Did you just smile
at your lawyer

because he coached
you to say that?



- Objection.
- No,

I smiled at my lawyer
because he's cute.

You're being sued
for $2 million, Ms. Dodd.

I would take this more
seriously if I were you.

(Audience oohing)

The first step
to a self-exam is...

(Audience laughing)
Hey, hey.

Stop looking over there.
I am right here.

Cover that up.
We're...

The first thing you want to do
with your (Bleep)

- Okay!
- Is touch and massage them

like so.

We have placed censor boxes
over the offending areas,

but on that day,
your routine was sent out

to eight million households.

But you didn't care,
did you, Ms. Dodd?

Well, I cared about women being
informed about breast cancer.

ATTORNEY:
Oh, Ms. Dodd, really.

- That's why you disrobed?
- Sure.

My mom died of breast cancer
last year.

(Car horn honks in distance)
Why else?

Because you happened to have
a humorous book coming out

in two months.

And you didn't care
that you were using

vulgar language in front
of eight million viewers?

What do you mean, "vulgar"?

Which word?

- I think you know, ma'am.
- No, I don't.

Honestly, which one?

It rhymes with "bits."

DODD:
It rhymes with "bits"?

(Horn honks)
Are we eight years old?

You mean (Horn honks).

Bob, would you close
that, please?

(Horns honking) You enjoy using
vulgar language to provoke,

- don't you, Ms. Dodd?
- I do.

No further questions,
Your Honor.

Therese, did you go on the show

- intending to take off your blouse?
- No.

And did you feel
that the show pushed you

to do something
outrageous?

Oh, yeah, they always have me
on to push the envelope.

And you were told that the
talk show would be delayed

due to a football overrun?

- Yes.
- And therefore,

you thought that the show
would be broadcast

during the safe harbor period?

Uh... what?

Safe harbor.
It's the time after 10:00 p.m.

and before 6:00 a.m.

when network programs can,
according to

FCC rules, show nudity
and use language

like (Horns honking).

JUDGE: Bob, how are we
getting on with that window?

DODD:
Yes, Counselor,

I thought the show was
going on at 10:00 p.m.

And therefore,
the words you used,

and the skin you exposed,

was problematic only due
to the network's

self-imposed censorship?

Your Honor, it
doesn't matter.

The show was
taped in Chicago,

but broadcast live on the
West Coast at 8:00 p.m.

Yes, but that wasn't
Therese's decision.

That was the network's.

She thought the show was safely
in the safe harbor.

Ms. Dodd signed a contract with
the network, not with the FCC.

DODD:
Let me get this straight.

The FCC says I can
strip down naked

and talk dirty
like a cable show,

but the network says I can't?

Ms. Dodd, please let your
attorney ask the questions.

I'm just surprised,

aren't you?

The network can show
the same stuff as cable,

but they choose not to?

WILL: Your Honor, this
lawsuit is a sham.

Mr. Preston and his client,

the network, know they can't
get $2 million from my client.

They are suing her
for the same reason

their Standards and Practices
are stricter than the FCC.

For their advertisers.

Mr. Gardner makes a sound point,
Mr. Preston.

Ms. Dodd shouldn't be liable
for the network's choices.

There's only one question
remaining for me

and that's premeditation.

Unless you have evidence to
prove Ms. Dodd went on the show

intending to perform
indecent material--

for instance, an earlier
and identical stand-up routine--

then I am prone to dismiss.

(Window slams shut)

I don't understand breasts.

(Audience laughing)
They're made of fat;

They sag; they drool;
And guys still go for them.

It's like being turned on
by Jabba the Hutt.

I've decided to name mine.

This one's Margie.

(Audience laughing)

Margie's the misunderstood
one...

- Anything yet?
- No.

Another breast routine.

But different material.

Do you think she's funny?

Sometimes. You?

It seems like an easy laugh--
breasts.

Well, guys make penis jokes.

(Chuckles)
Yeah.

Yeah, those are easy, too.

You've, um, been spending
a lot of time with Clarke.

Yeah.

Everything okay?

Yeah.

He just...
he just likes to talk.

Laura?

Oh, hello, Alicia.

- How are you?
- Good.

You're out of uniform,
Captain.

Permanently,
Unfortunately.

What? Why?

My choice.

I was losing my bearings,

things soured.

I'm on the market now.

Whee...

You're... looking for a job?

Yeah.

No, not here.

I'm out there checking
out the job market.

This is my interview outfit.

So you're here...?

Oh, my bill.
I haven't paid it yet.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

What? Why?

We lost.

But we did our best.

Don't worry.

So can you show me
to Clarke Hayden?

Um, that door.

And, Laura, if you
need anything--

I started over pretty late.

So, if you want to talk.

I'll call you.

(Phone ringing)

(Sighs)

Hello?

MAN:
Hello.

What do you think
of Brazilian food?

What do I... What?

(Line clicks)

ELI: Yes, Gus, we
take Maddie Hayward

very seriously as a contender.

But our eye is still on
the Republican, Kresteva.

(Reporters talking over each
other over speakerphone)

MAN:
One question.

FEMALE REPORTER:
Maddie's worth $180 million--

that's a lot of ad buys.

You're telling me
you're not worried?

I'm telling you,
these millionaires always

burn themselves out
after a while

because money only gets you
so far.

Now does anyone have
a question about,

you know, the issues?

(Reporters talking at once)
MALE REPORTER: Wait, Eli, Eli.

What about Peter sleeping
with a campaign worker?

Is that you, Mitch?

This is crap and you know it.

Synth printed it, Eli.

A disgraced reporter printed it.

Peter Florrick has categorically
denied these charges,

and the accuser has been proved
a liar.

Now, are there
any real questions?

MALE REPORTER 2:
Sure. One.

Okay. Who's this?

Wexler Turner from NSW News.

Uh... okay, go for it.

Can you respond to reports
that this campaign worker

has identified
a distinguishing mark

on Peter Florrick's anatomy?

(Wry laugh)

You're kidding.

No, sir.

She says he has a birthmark
on his penis,

shaped like Brazil.

Can you confirm or deny that
Florrick has such a birthmark?

This is...

How dare you, sir?

MITCH:
"At long last, how dare you"?

(Reporters laughing)

This is an outrage.

Do you guys listen to yourselves
any more?

Okay, that's the Morning Call
for today.

(Beeps)

Get the candidate
on the phone.

Where is he?

And someone call Alicia.

WOMAN:
Rebecca Stokes.

I'm a makeup artist
with ten years' experience.

PRESTON:
And did you do the makeup

for the defendant
on the night in question?

Yes. Hi, Therese.

And when you do the makeup
for guests...

Strike that.

Was there anything
unusual you did

- with Ms. Dodd's makeup?
- Yeah.

Uh, no.

I mean,
just, um, foundation and blush.

What do you mean?

Was there anything unusual
regarding the placement?

The placement?

I, uh...

You usually only do makeup
on the face?

Oh, yeah,
and sometimes the arms.

And what did Ms. Dodd
ask you to do?

Oh, I see.

She wanted makeup on her chest.

And by her chest,
you don't mean

just the cleavage?

I do.

No, uh,

but you mean more than that?

Oh, yeah.

She wanted
both her breasts done.

I thought it was
unusual because,

you know, the camera is only
gonna see the cleavage,

but then it made sense

after I saw.

Okay.

What do you want?

- $2 million.
- Mr. Preston,

our client can't pay
a tenth of that.

She can when her book comes out.

(Door opens)

WILL: And how will that
look for your network,

bankrupting a comedian whose
mother died of breast cancer?

It'll look like we take decency
on our airwaves seriously.

Then have our client apologize.

Have her do a PSA
for you.

No. Thank you, though.

(Clarke clears throat)

Yes, Mr. Hayden.

Nothing.
Just clearing my throat.

Then we have nothing
to negotiate.

We'll see you in court.

(Sighs)

Parents Against Indecency

have bombarded the FCC
with letters and complaints

regarding Ms. Dodd's
little stunt.

(Phone buzzing)
And our expectation is the FCC

will fine us the maximum:

- $3 million.
- Mr. Preston,

we've already made clear
our client can't...

Over the next
two days,

I'm meeting individually

with three of the FCC
commissioners to lobby them.

The three swing votes.

There is one thing your client
can do to quash our suit.

Apologize.

Tell them the saintly story
of her mom dying of cancer,

and her sense of overexuberance

at wanting to do something
about it.

You'll quash the suit
if she does?

No, I'll quash the suit
if she's successful.

She needs to convince two
of the three swing votes

for the FCC to
drop their fine.

She does that,
she doesn't pay a cent.

We have no choice.

I know.
That's not the concern.

The concern is her.

She won't go?

No, she will.

She just... (Sighs)

She needs a babysitter.

Alicia,
you go with her to D.C.

Make sure she stays in line.

DIANE:
Uh, Cary will go with you.

I don't think we need two.

I can stay.

Do you mind giving us a minute?

Sure.

You don't think
Alicia can do it?

No, I think we need
to use Cary more.

He's taking a backseat
on too many cases.

He complained?

No, he didn't have to.
I noticed.

You think I'm holding him back?

I think you're the head
of litigation,

and we need to use Cary more.

That's all.

What's going on there?

Nice to meet you,
Mr. Hayden.

And you.

Lockhart/Gardner
is a good firm.

It has the feel of a
family-run business,

but the client base of
a Portman & Michaels.

I don't think I...

You know we're on opposite
sides of this suit?

I also know you're
looking to expand

from L.A. to the Midwest.

We're looking to build,
not purchase.

Yes, but isn't it easier
to remodel an existing home

than to build a new one?

Not if the foundation
is compromised.

Well, why don't you
test the foundation

to see if it's compromised?

PRESTON: Does the firm
want to be acquired?

CLARKE:
It's not up to the firm.

It's up to the courts.

With my input.

Then I'll consider it.

4x07
- Anatomy of a Joke -

You want to know what?

We don't want
to know anything.

I do.

How is it even possible

to have a birthmark
shaped like Brazil?

So, you don't?

No, Jim.

I don't.

Would you like to check?

ELI: Okay, here's
the problem.

We buried the
affair story,

but this is different.

This is late-night fodder.

It's also the perfect
political trap.

We can't have the candidate
say that he doesn't have

a Brazil-shaped birthmark
on his penis.

We can't have surrogates say it
because how did they see?

We could have the wife.

No. No.

Then we change the subject.

Boy.

You ever wonder
about this country?

All the time.

Well, here's the real worry.

If this is the perfect
political trap,

I don't think Indira Starr
was smart enough to think it up.

Kresteva?

Sounds like him.

I think our Republican opponent
is up to his old tricks.

I'm on it.

(Door closes)

What do you have?

To change the subject?

- Mm-hmm.
- A rumor.

Maddie Hayward, your
primary opponent--

she's sleeping
with her aide.

Mmm, not big enough.

She's single.

The aide is a girl.

Okay.

Our fingerprints
cannot be on this.

And get some photos if you can.

DODD: So, I have to tell
three FCC commissioners

about my mom
dying of cancer?

I believe in you.

(Chuckles)

Do you like Coldplay?

Do I like them?

Enough.

- I hate them.
- Okay.

When I get
to the part

about my mom's
hair falling out,

I want you to
hum "Fix You."

(Laughs)

PRESTON:
She only needs

two of the three
swing votes.

Can she do it?

She's motivated.

PRESTON:
Good.

It must be difficult,
this bankruptcy.

Not really.

But you've lost 40%
of your attorneys?

We still have
our major clients.

Even family law?

They have their
major clients?

Yes. Why?

Rank, unfettered curiosity.

MAN:
You don't have to tell me.

I'm on your side.

Wow. That was easy.

They made me think I had
to take you in the next room

- and give you a...
PRESTON: So, we can depend

on your vote, sir?

Certainly.

But I've always thought
you network folk

were too terrified
of us at the FCC anyway.

We're not the ones
infantilizing entertainment.

- That's what I told him.
GILL: So hypocritical.

You allow yourselves
to show naked bodies

just as long as they're bruised
and covered in blood.

Yeah.
Why is that, Burl?

PRESTON: We're not talking about...
- Tell us.

Okay. Thank you so much,
Commissioner Gill.

I haven't talked
about my mom dying yet.

That's okay, Therese.

Okay. Thank you.

Nice paperweight.

First effort in metal shop
or something?

That's from 9/11.

DODD:
Oh.

Damn those terrorists
and their paperweights.

(Sighs)
I know, I know.

Comedy killer.

Do you think
we'll be all right?

He's on board, but we can't be
going off script like that.

MAN:
Cary?

Sir.

I didn't know you were in town.

- Work. The FCC.
- Ah.

But you're still with, um...?

Lockhart/Gardner, yeah.

Uh, excuse me.

This is my colleague,
Alicia Florrick.

My father, Jeffrey Agos.

Really?

- What a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Agos.
- And you.

How's Mom?

Good.

Last I heard.

- Martha?
- Uh, overseas in China.

Back in a month.

And how's, uh,
that girl of yours?

That girl? Which one?

The last one.

The pretty one.

- You mean from law school?
- Yes.

- I haven't seen her in
five years, Dad. - Ah.

It was a pleasure
to meet you, Mr. Agos.

Cary is quite the lawyer.

So, who are you here to see?

Commissioner Bix today.

Martinez tomorrow.

Ah. You want me to put
in a good word for you?

Had lunch with them both.

No, we're fine.

How long you been doing this?

Watching Maddie's house?

No. This.

The business.

A while.

Me, too.

That her?

The aide?
(Camera shutter clicking)

No.

Who is it?

Indira Starr.

She's meeting
with Maddie Hayward?

That explains
who's behind

the birthmark rumor.

PRESTON: First of all,
no 9/11 jokes.

Are we agreed?

Oh, no.

I thought the commissioner
was just meeting with us.

What?

PRESTON:
Punch Sutton.

The chair of
Parents Against Indecency.

(Cell phone buzzing)

Hello.

Oh, hi, Laura.
How are you?

Good.
Really good, I think.

I just... I need your help.

Do you know Eddie Kolakowski
at Armstrong, Hayes & LeGarde?

Uh, yes.
I mean, by name.

Do you think you could call him
and say nice things about me?

Certainly.

So, the interview went well?

I hate saying that
and jinxing things,

but they said it's between me
and one other person.

That's fantastic.

In this economy?

I know. It's really
a cattle call out here.

Well, I will call.

And congratulations.

Don't say that yet.

Take it back.

We have over 3,000 complaints,
Commissioner,

all regarding this
full frontal nudity.

ALICIA:
Yes,

but all those complaints
were organized

by Parents Against
Indecency itself.

We have children, just like you.

We're worried about the
vulgarization of our culture.

This isn't about one swear word
or a glimpse of a breast.

This is about the floodgates...

PRESTON: But the
floodgates are open, sir.

The screens have
multiplied--

with iPads, iPods,
the Internet...

PUNCH:
Then you should be happy.

There are many avenues
for this type of content.

But why is it wrong to insist
on one place where parents

don't always have to
be on the defensive?

Don't.
ALICIA: But you allowed exactly

this kind of nudity
and profanity

on network TV, Commissioner.

I did not.
Schindler's List

had full frontal nudity
and was shown,

without FCC objection,
at 9:00 p.m.

Do you really want to suggest
Ms. Dodd's little striptease

had the same merit
as Schindler's List?

If you were a woman
with breast cancer, it did.

PRESTON: It is our argument
that the Spielberg exception

is unfair restraint.

You can't make an allowance

for one filmmaker
and not another.

They don't make it
for a filmmaker;

They make it for a
filmmaker's work.

Ms. Dodd,
what are your thoughts?

Oh. Well...

I don't think I'm
any less decent than Spielberg.

I mean, have you seen him eat?

Maybe it would help if you
explain to Commissioner Bix

your reasons
for your breast exam.

DODD:
Yeah.

Well, uh, my mom died.

She was funny.

And, uh, she got breast cancer.

I remember the day she died.

Uh, I think she
had gas or something

because she just let out
the most massive...

...passing of gas.

And, uh, she kept

cracking jokes
about it.

Uh, and I just thought, wow.

You know,
I couldn't believe it.

So close to death
and still making jokes.

I just can't do it.

I know what you want--
me holding her hand

and staring
into her deep, sad eyes--

but... anything else.

I'll kitsch up
anything you want,

but just not this.

Then get ready
to pay $2 million.

No. Gill is
still with us,

so I think
we're tied.

We're not sure about Bix.

It all comes down to tomorrow--
Commissioner Martinez.

Okay, good.
Keep us in touch.

Oh, and one other thing.

This might not be
anything, but...

Burl's been asking
about our firm.

He... What do you mean?

He asked about Chapter 11,
how it's going.

What did you say?

I said we were doing well.

That we had
our major clients.

Was that the wrong thing to say?

I don't know.
Was there anything else?

He asked about family law,
how it was doing.

Uh, one second, Alicia.

He's after us.

That's what the meeting
with Clarke was yesterday.

Alicia, if you get a chance,

tell him we lost
our top client, Edelstein.

You want me to emphasize
we're not doing well?

Yes, please.

Um, we'll call again.

Our trustee
is looking for a buyer.

Preston is mostly about divorce.

That's why family law.

What do we do?

We could fight in court.

The judge will side
with Clarke.

We need $60 million
to get out from under him.

We're at $12 million.

MAN:
No, she was great.

Just out of the military, right?

Right. I just wanted
to offer a reference,

tell you how great she is.

Yeah, she seemed great.

So, are you looking
for litigators

with trial experience?

Well, actually, between us,
we're not looking for anyone.

You're not?

Sh-She seemed to think
there was a job there.

Well, we like
to keep our hand in.

Meet and interview,
see who's out there.

Same as you guys.

So, are you going to tell her
there's no job?

What do you mean?

Well, she thinks it's
between her and someone else.

(Phone beeping)
Oh.

Could you hold
for a moment, please?

Hello.

JEFFREY:
Hello. Is Cary there?

Cary...? Oh. No.

Mr. Agos?

Uh, this is Alicia Florrick.

I'm in 206.

He's next door in 207.

Ah. Well, my apologies.

Thank you.

Mr. Kolakowski? I'm...

Hello?

Hello...

CARY (Muffled):
Cary Agos.

(Cary speaking indistinctly)

CARY: No, I just...
I hadn't seen him in years. He's...

We're not very close.

He's a lobbyist?

Yeah. Yeah,
so is my mom.

My new mom.

You should have breakfast
with him.

Why?

Because he asked you.

I said we were busy.
Maybe another time.

Cary, we're not busy.

He's... probably trying
to make amends.

Call him back.

Why?

Because you only get

so much family in life.

This seems to matter more
to me than it does to you.

Wait, no...

- more to you...
- No, I just...

It was nice to see you
with family.

My dad kicked me
out the door when I was 18.

'Cause his dad kicked him
out the door when he was 18.

He never gave me a cent.

Never wanted to know
what I was doing.

When I got the deputyship at
the state's attorney's office,

- he never said a thing.
- That's probably why

he's calling now.

To try to make up for it.

People change on you.

You changed on me.

Me?

- No.
- Oh, you don't notice it?

You're tougher now.

You're smarter
about things.

Is that good or bad?

Probably neither--
just necessary.

(Chuckles)
And you.

You're nothing
like four years ago.

I thought you were a jerk.

Damn it.

I forgot.

I think she's
on Bill Maher tonight.

Who?

Therese.

You two seemed to be
hitting it off.

All that...

breast humor, I guess.

Well, that sounds
like pure pleasure.

Yep. Going from office
to office,

arguing with the FCC.

I personally stripped
for each and every one of them.

Uh-oh.

BILL MAHER:
And how did

that go over?

Well, Commissioner
Gill took pictures,

but he said it was for
educational purposes.

- No. No, don't.
- And Commissioner Bix...

Oh, I don't know.

She slipped me her number, but,

you know, that can
mean anything.

And did you
settle anything?

Yes, we did.

No more censorship.

Anywhere. Ever.

These breasts can do anything
when they set their minds to it.

(Laughter and applause)

(Indistinct chatter)

So...

I read about
your old boss.

Florrick.

He's got a tricky race
going on up there.

- You like him?
- I do. He's a good guy.

Not easy being a good guy
in that town.

Your mother sent me
something you wrote.

About...

plea bargains.

Negotiation techniques.

- With a human face.
- Right.

It was smart.

I didn't understand all of it,

but what I understood was...

smart.

Thank you.

(Chuckles)

Cary.

How are you doing?

I'm good.

You?

I'm good, I guess.

I don't know
how long any of us have,

but I'm good.

What do you mean?

Nothing.
I just...

I want to say something
before it's too late.

I'm proud of you.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that...

we haven't been in touch.

What do you mean, "too late"?

Nothing. I'm just
talking. I...

I think that we should...

talk at some point.

Dad, what is going on?

ALICIA:
I'm so sorry

to interrupt,
Cary. Mr. Agos.

- What's wrong?
- Uh, we have a problem.

Commissioner Martinez canceled.

He canceled?

Till when?

No time.

Damn it.

Will and Diane would
like us to come back.

It's the Bill Maher thing.

That's what we're thinking.

So sorry, Mr. Agos.

Well, you should, uh,
go and...

we'll talk soon.

Dad, call me.

Don't worry. I will.

ELI:
So Maddie Hayward is not

the campaign innocent
she pretends to be.

We spoke
to the neighborhood watch,

and they said they've seen
Indira Starr's car there

for the last month.

Before she went
to Synth magazine?

So Maddie's been
playing us?

- That would make sense.
ELI: Okay.

Things have just gotten ugly.

Jim, get me everything
you can on Maddie. Kalinda...

- No, thanks.
- Wait,

where you going?

I have a job, Eli.
Look, you knew this

was temporary.
What are you doing?

This is for Alicia

as much as for Peter.

Nice try, but no.

(Door opens)

Yes?

You're selling
us to Preston.

I'm...

considering your options.

Your options.

We don't have any options.

You had six years
of options.

So y-you're punishing us?

I'm trying
to keep you

- from liquidation.
- By destroying us?

- By selling us off in pieces?
- No.

By doing what I do:

By looking where the money is
and where it isn't.

This is not a subtle
business, Ms. Lockhart.

There is either money
in the wallet or there isn't.

And when there isn't,
wishing there is

won't make it so.

LAURA:
How was D.C.?

ALICIA:
Good.

Actually...

it wasn't good.

Oh, sorry.

It's okay.
It's just work.

How was interviewing?

Fine. Hey, thanks for calling
Armstrong & Hayes.

How did that go?

I don't think
there's a job there.

What did they say?

There's no job there.

But they said there was.

- Yes, they lied.
- Why would they do that?

Because you're pretty,

and they didn't want
to say no to you.

Okay.
(Chuckles)

People aren't mean--
they're just

polite liars.

You went back on the job market
after how many years away?

13, but I'm not
a fair comparison.

- The job market's a lot harder now.
- How many

- interviews did you have
before you got this? - Five.

But I knew someone.

Here.

Do you know anyone, Laura?

Anyone who could help you?

Any connections?

Probably? I don't
know, but...

It's just the way
it is. People...

hire people they know.

It's not wrong.

It just is.

(Laughing)

So you need my help?

- We do.
- It's in your interest, David.

You hate Burl Preston
as much as we do.

- He's not so bad.
DIANE: David.

Burl Preston is trying
to buy this firm

in order to control you.

Do you want to be controlled?

No. But I don't want
to be controlled

- by you either.
WILL: And if we promised

you wouldn't be?

Well, I'd be open to discussing.

As long as my capital
contribution was part of it.

(Vibrating)

Cary?

Hi.

I thought you were heading back.

Uh... I-I was. I-I am.

I'm in Chicago.

Dad...

(Sighs)

what were you trying
to say at breakfast?

Dad.

Whatever it is,
I can handle it.

Look, it's very... hard
to talk about it, son.

Your mother thinks
that I should wait.

Dad, I am here.

And I'm listening.

(Sighs)
All right.

Do you know...

Senator Byers of Illinois?

Yeah.

I have a chance to work
as her press secretary,

but I need someone to put in
a good word with her.

Now, I know that her best friend
is Diane Lockhart at your firm,

and I was hoping
that you might ask her

to put in that... good word.

That's what you wanted
to talk about?

Yes.

And that's it?

Yes, but... it's a lot, son.

I know.

And it would be
very helpful because...

Senator Byers depends a lot
on personal recommendations.

And I could talk
to Martinez for you, if...

that would be helpful.

Dad, I got to go.
They need me.

So, you'll... do it?

You'll... ask Diane Lockhart?

I don't know. Let me...
let me think about it.

Son, it would be very helpful.

Well, I said I'd think about it.

Come again?

They are saying
that I have a mark...

on my penis
shaped like Brazil.

Uh...

I...

(Laughs)

Yeah.

What does he want me to say?

Well, that's a difficult one.

"No" would be
the obvious answer.

Right.

But...

maybe mixed with some outrage.

Yeah, I don't do outrage
well these days.

How about laughter?

Well... that would be easier.

(Chuckles)

Good. Thank you.

That's okay.

Um...

did you fill Cary's position at
the state's attorney's office?

No, not yet.

Why?

Are you going to?

Well, someday
when I have time.

There's someone...

I think you should consider.

An ex-military lawyer.

A captain. You'd like her.

Really?

Yeah.

Do you mind considering her?

I don't.

Do you mind talking
to the press?

Nope.

Good.

It's a deal.

Thanks.

You, too.

Bye.

KALINDA:
Well, you two are cheerful.

We've been frozen out.

The last FCC commissioner
doesn't want to hear us.

KALINDA: It's worse.
I made a few calls,

and Commissioner Martinez

is still meeting
with Parents Against Indecency.

Great.

He doesn't want to
meet with you guys,

but he's still meeting
the opposition tomorrow at 6:00.

One thing we
could try...

- Yes?
- We go.

Go where?

Martinez at 6:00.

We were
disinvited.

We never got the message.

We know he
wanted to hear

from both Parents
Against Indecency and us,

and we never got
the disinvite.

You crash it.

(Airplane whooshing)

(Elevator bell dings)

No, this is the new me.

Smell my perfume;
It's called Accommodation.

(Sniffs)

Oh, it's nice.

Thanks.

I'll catch up with you.

So you're not going
to call?

You're going to ignore
your own father?

- Yep.
- I only need

one call to Diane Lockhart.

And I only needed
one call on my birthday,

one call when I
was out of work.

Did you know I was

the youngest deputy
state's attorney ever?

Did you know that?

We don't do that, Cary.

Other families gush.

You know how I pay
a compliment to you now?

By needing something
from you.

(Sighs)
Dad.

No... no.

A few years ago I'd jump
at the chance to impress you,

but it's over.

I won't be calling you again.

My loss.

ALICIA:
I'm so sorry,

I didn't get the message.

Cary?

My gosh, no,
I didn't either.

Y-You were canceling?

Yes, just a scheduling logjam.

PRESTON: Well, now
that we're all here...

...it seems only fair.

DODD:
All I wanted to do

was to make women aware
of breast cancer.

And disrobing was
making them aware?

Would I do it
that way again? No,

but women needed to see
something memorable,

something to
provoke them.

I'm impressed,
Ms. Dodd.

- Thank you, Commissioner.
- what I have trouble reconciling

is this new Therese
with the Therese

that told
this joke:

"Rape is never funny.

Unless you're raped
by a clown."

How is this funny,
Ms. Dodd?

Sir, that wasn't part
of the original act.

I understand that,

but I find myself confused
by Ms. Dodd's sense of humor.

Do you know
that every 45 seconds,

there is another
sexual assault in America?

So I'm not sure

how rape is funny.

CARY: The joke isn't
about rape, sir.

It's about a ridiculous
juxtaposition.

But it makes light of rape,
doesn't it?

Shall I read it
again?

I think, sir,
you're trying to make a point

by putting Ms. Dodd on the spot.

- Sir, we didn't come...
DODD: You're right.

It's not funny,
Commissioner.

- Therese.
- What?

He's right.

Rape is never funny,

and the association
of clowns

and rape is just offensive,

and I feel terrible
that I wrote it.

MARTINEZ:
Thank you, ma'am,

but then I find
myself asking,

why do you tell these jokes?

Because I have a potty mouth.

Are you making fun

- of me, Ms. Dodd?
- No.

Never...

Because that's why
we have standards--

to protect the viewers
from indecency like this.

PRESTON:
Well, if the question

is about protecting viewers,

they voted with their remotes.

There are more viewers

watching the show
than ever.

Okay, so I must ask you,
Ms. Dodd,

will you sign a pledge
that you will never do

anything like this
on TV again?

Ms. Dodd?

I think that's a yes.

I was in the JAG Corps
for 12 years

and before that,
I attended SLS.

SLS?

S-Stanford Law.

Oh, I thought
that was

military jargon.

No.

I grew up in California--
Huntington Beach.

Was your dad
in the military?

No, a professor
of neurobiology at Irvine.

Brothers?

No, two sisters,
though.

Why did you
enlist, then?

I don't know.
They needed lawyers.

(Chuckles)

(Chuckles)

Well, we're not really
short-staffed at the moment,

but we're always looking,

so we'll keep this résumé
on file.

Have you tried the
public defenders' office?

They're always in need of...
(Door opens)

Mr. Florrick, hello.

Hi, Geneva.

And you must be

Captain Hellinger.

Oh, yes, sir.

Wonderful to meet you.

You're looking for a job, huh?

I am, sir.

And you know how little we pay?

I've heard rumors.

You could live on that?

I tend to be frugal.

Well, that's good.

When can you begin?

Now,

I mean, if you want.

That's great.

Here's your first case:

Breaking and entering.

Geneva will set you up
with a cubicle.

Welcome aboard.

Thank you so much.

(Door opens)

(Door closes)

Um, thank you for your help.

Your Honor, there is still
the question of damages.

No, there is the
question of whether

your negotiations
have borne fruit.

PRESTON:
We made an effort

to reach such a settlement,
Your Honor, but

the results depend
on something yet to be decided.

WILL:
Mr. Preston

is being coy.

We agreed to argue in front of
the FCC on the network's behalf,

and if the FCC decided
favorably,

this lawsuit would go away.

I see.

- And the FCC hasn't decided?
- Not yet,

but we believe this suit
should be dismissed

on the basis
of an absence of damages.

Damages have already been
established, Your Honor--

- the many affiliates
dropping our show. - Yes,

but Mr. Preston recently argued
in front of the FCC

that there has been

a corresponding rise
in viewership--

a rise large enough to more
than offset the affiliate loss.

That was an argument
in another venue.

Your Honor,

this suit is
an attempt to punish

Therese, that's all.

There are
no actual damages here,

and this suit
should be dismissed.

(Door opens)

Would you care
for some water?

No.

My firm will absorb

the debt of Lockhart/Gardner

and pay out existing
capital contributions

of existing
equity partners,

but all severance packages
will be the responsibility

of the existing partners.

Yes, and you agree to honor

the contracts of
existing partners.

Only up to a year
of the purchase date.

That's fine.

The, the current lease

- will be subject to...
DAVID: Hello,

Burl.

David... what can
we do for you?

Oh, I'm just watching.

Continue.

Mr. Lee, this is
a private matter.

It's far from private.

I'm just waiting
for my emancipation.

Go ahead.

Your emancipation?

Yes.

This firm has
a stranglehold on me,

but as soon as you purchase it,
I'm free.

Hallelujah.

You're not free.

You're committed
to Lockhart/Gardner.

No, the partners just
rewrote my contract.

If this firm is sold

or absorbed, I am free to leave.

They can't do that.

Yes, they can.

You can veto
their hiring decisions.

You can't veto
a nonfinancial side agreement

in a partnership contract.

The firm is still
in fine shape.

No, thank you.

Good luck
with this place.

Unfortunately

they enjoy intrigue more
than they do making money.

You told your husband
to hire me?

- No.
- He hired me.

Congratulations.

You didn't say

- anything to him?
- Well,

I said you were
a good lawyer.

Okay.

This is all new to me.

What, friends
didn't help

- friends in the military?
- They did,

- but never me.
- Well,

baptism by fire.

Yes?

You're cutting
your own throats!

Do you know how hard it is
to find a suitor like that?!

Yes, that's why
we did it.

You're losing this firm.

Is that a threat?

Take it any way you want,
but you are losing this firm.

Mr. Hayden, you should take
a step back.

You've obviously become
too invested in our firm.

(Scoffs)

You don't know me.

I don't step back.

We don't either.

Then get ready to crash.

DODD:
So,

I just heard the FCC isn't
going to fine the network.

Yeah, yeah, you're
off the hook.

Good.

I have to head out to L.A.,
so I wanted to say thank you.

Have a good trip.

I will.

I'm not great with byes, so bye.

What'd she say?

Good-bye.

That's it?

Yeah.

She didn't say anything else?

No, why?

Well, why did
she kiss you yesterday?

She's a comedian.

DODD:
I've spent the last week

with my lawyer, trying
desperately not to say anything

about Brazil and penises.

I suppose there are
worse birthmarks to have.

Like Greece.

I mean, who wants a penis
that's always

in recession?

My lawyer says,
it really only looks like Brazil

when it's erect.

Otherwise it's more
like New Jersey.

(Laughter)

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