The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 7, Episode 22 - Home Again, Rose: Part 2 - full transcript

As Rose prepares for a triple coronary bypass, she makes the girls promise to have their heads cryogenically preserved when they die.

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the
road and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidant

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see

♪ The biggest gift
would be from me

♪ And the card
attached would say

♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪

BLANCHE: On the last
episode of The Golden Girls.



Oh, girls, I have great news!

I just talked to my
daughter, Janet,

and she and my granddaughter, Sarah,
are comin' to visit in a couple of days.

Oh, I've never been so happy.

Janet? Isn't she the
daughter who hates you?

Well, that didn't
last long, did it?

Well, look, Rose, you know you
missed your high school reunion

because you didn't feel well?

Here's your chance to go to one.

And for Dorothy and
me to meet some men.

Me, too! Me, too!

Dorothy!

(PEOPLE GASPING)

Oh, my God. Somebody get help!



Oh, girls, thank
God you're here.

I'm sorry I scared you.

The doctor just wants me to
stay here overnight for observation.

Honey, don't be sorry. We're
just so happy you're feeling better.

I've never been afraid of dying.

That's 'cause I'm
not gonna stay dead.

I'm gonna get frozen.

And I need your solemn promises

that you'll have your
heads frozen, too.

Oh, excuse me. We're
here to pick up our friend.

Are they doing some
tests before they let her go?

Rose Nylund?

I'm sorry to have
to tell you this,

but she went
into cardiac arrest.

They're prepping
her for surgery.

WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Branville,
please call the operator. Dr. Branville.

Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

What do you mean,
she's going into surgery?

I talked to her last
night. She was fine.

This is why we keep
people here for observation.

When can we see Rose?
Are you related to her?

No, but we're her friends.

I'm sorry, she's in pre-op

and only her family
can see her now.

Now, we have
contacted her daughter,

and Mrs. Nylund will
be going into surgery

just as soon as the
doctor gets here.

Yeah, but Kirsten lives
an hour away from here.

We don't want Rose
to be alone now.

I'm sorry. Those are the rules.

But don't worry, your
friend is in stable condition.

Then why can't we see her?

I said family only.

Look...

You have never met
this woman's family.

They live in a
place called St. Olaf.

They fight over whether
it's macaroni and cheese,

or cheese and macaroni.

They have given
cows the right to vote.

A magician once pulled
a rabbit out of a hat.

They burned him as a witch.

Don't look at me like that.
I'm telling you the truth.

Look, I'm sure you're
very close to Mrs. Nylund,

and I know you feel like a
family... Well, I am family.

I'm her long lost
Swedish mother.

You're her Swedish mother?

Ja. Ja.

You bet yer sure.

Oh, come on, let
me in. I'm afraid not.

Here, let me try, Sophia.

Nurse, now we realize
that the hospital has rules,

and you have to try
to uphold those rules.

But you have to realize that
this is a very special case.

So I'm gonna
quote from the Bible

just to show you how
determined we really are.

Now the Good Book says, um...

Oh, "Neither rain, nor
sleet, nor... Nor dark of night,

"shall keepeth uth from
our appointed rounds."

Amen.

I can see you
are a non-believer.

I think it's nice that you're
trying to quote the Bible.

The only thing that's been in
more hotel rooms than she has,

and she can't
remember a word of it.

Look, it's obvious they're
not gonna let us see Rose,

so I think the only
thing we can do is pray.

All right.

Oh, please, God,
hear our prayer.

"From the halls of Montezuma

"to the shores of Tripoli."

WOMAN ON PA:
Dr. Kyle. Dr. Engles.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Fine. Thank you. Goodbye.

Has Kirsten left yet?

I was talkin' to her husband.

He's staying with the
girls and she's on her way.

Thank God. Oh, I
still can't believe it.

They're not gonna
let us in to see Rose.

I bought some food. I
mean, this is ridiculous.

Tell me about it. $11.50
for coffee and donuts?

Ma, where did you
get the money for this?

I took it from your purse.

Oh, Sophia, you know
what the Bible says,

"Thou shalt not steal."

Hey, she got one!

Ma, please, no jokes.

Pussycat, we all deal
with this in our own way.

Some people make nervous
little jokes, some people cry.

Remember how you
went to the maternity ward?

Gee, I had forgotten that.

What about the maternity ward?

When Dorothy's father
was sick in the hospital,

she and I would go upstairs
and visit the maternity ward.

The night Sal died,

I went looking for Dorothy
and found her there.

I remember because they were
just putting a newborn in his bassinet

and I thought, "That baby must
have been born just as Sal died."

He even looked like Sal.

Of course, all
babies look like Sal.

Especially when
he took out his teeth.

Oh, God, I miss that man.

Me, too, Ma.

And then the strangest
thing happened.

They put the baby's
last name in the window

and it was Rheingold.

What was so strange about that?

Rheingold. Rheingold
was Sal's favorite beer.

He was always walkin' around the
apartment singing that damn jingle,

"My beer is Rheingold
the dry beer."

♪ Think of Rheingold
whenever you buy beer

♪ It's not bitter, not sweet

BOTH: ♪ It's the extra dry treat

♪ Won't you try extra
dry Rheingold beer? ♪

Well, I'm glad to see my
mother's illness hasn't upset you all.

Look, uh, Kirsten...

Look, just never mind,
how's my mother?

(EXHALES) We don't
know. They have her in ICU.

They're waiting for the surgeon.

Honey, why don't you
speak to one of the nurses?

We'll come with you. Oh, no.

Just continue with
your little sing-along.

Kirsten, listen...

Leave her alone,
pussycat. She's scared.

I'm scared, too.

Why does it always have
to take something like this

to make us realize how
much we take life for granted?

(EXCLAIMING) Amen to that.

I used to, but not anymore.

Hell, at my age, you can't
take lunch for granted.

I had a tuna fish sandwich.

It was beautiful.

Well, Rose never takes
anything for granted.

She's never afraid
to try something new.

(LAUGHING)

You remember the time she
took that playwriting course?

Oh, God.

She turned Mary Had a
Little Lamb into a musical.

Don't laugh. Blanche
was terrific as Mary.

And I made a pretty good lamb,

even though my knees
were killing me for weeks.

And Dorothy's
performance stole the show.

Come on, I mean how could
you not with material like that?

♪ I am the wolf Boom, boom

♪ The big bad wolf
Boom, boom ♪ Hello ♪

I'm really glad you all are
having such a good time.

Kirsten, I know this
looks a little strange,

but honestly, it isn't.

Look, I really don't care. I'm
thinking about my mother now.

Did you find out anything?

The doctor's coming out to
talk to me in a few minutes.

I don't understand how
this can be happening.

My mother was the
healthiest person I knew.

(STAMMERS) You know, ever
since she moved in with you guys,

I don't understand what
her life is like anymore.

She... She's always
out with the girls.

And there's always
these weird things.

Like, one time I pulled
into your driveway,

and you were
dressed in a petticoat,

you were dressed like a lamb,

and you were both getting in
the car with a big, scary dog.

Wolf.

I was a wolf.

Your mother was just havin' fun.

Yeah, well, all this
fun is killing her.

I just wish she'd moved in
with me when I asked her to.

Kirsten, you're just
upset. We all are.

But you have to know these
two women love her like a sister.

And I love your mother
like she was my own.

Yeah, well, you're
forgetting one thing, though.

I'm her daughter.
You're not her family.

Why does everybody
keep saying that?

We share our lives together.

You share a house together.

Kirsten Adams? Yes?

I'm Dr. Shrewsbury.

H-H-How's my mother?
Is she gonna be okay?

Your mother has to
have a triple bypass.

(ALL GASPING)

When can we see her, Doctor?

Are you related to the patient?

No, they're not.

Well, I'm sorry. Only
relatives can see the patient.

This is a very
serious operation,

but we are gonna do
the best that we can.

C-Can I see my mother first?

Oh, of course.

Oh, my God.

Rose is gonna
have a triple bypass.

Well, she needs us.

She's going into surgery soon.

We just sedated her,

and in a few seconds
she may not be coherent,

so please keep it brief.

Mom?

Mom, it's me.

Oh, Kirsten, I'm
so glad you came.

Oh, don't worry, Mom.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Kirsten, where are the girls?

Oh, they're too young
to come to the hospital.

Not your girls. My girls.

My girls aren't too
young for anything.

(CLEARS THROAT) They're...
They're... They're waiting outside.

Why don't you just relax?
We don't have to talk.

Oh, no.

I'm fine. Listen,

I want you to do me a favor.

Anything.

If something happens,

I want you to look after Dorothy

and Blanche and Sophia for me.

Sure, Mom. Whatever you want.

And there's something
else I want to tell you.

Now lean in close.

This is very important.

"Live from New York,
it's Saturday Night!"

Wow, this stuff
really packs a wallop.

Mom.

Mom, listen to me,

you have to promise me
that you're gonna be okay.

I don't want anything
to happen to you.

I want you to be
around for a long time.

Oh, don't worry,
sweetheart, I'll be around.

I'm gonna have my head frozen.

So are Dorothy and
Blanche and Sophia.

And someday, they'll find a cure

and then they'll unfreeze us.

Isn't that a good idea, Kirsten?

How much of this
stuff did you give her?

How are you feeling, Mrs.
Nylund? You ready to go?

That's a good
question, Mr. Carson.

But first I'd like to sing a
number from my new album.

Yep, she's ready.

We're gonna do
everything that we can.

Thank you.

Wait just a second.

Come here, Kirsten.
Kiss me goodbye.

Mom, don't say that.
Everything's gonna be fine.

Come here and kiss
Mommy goodbye.

My heinie's asleep.

Fine. We'll keep
our voices down.

It's a beautiful thing
you two have together.

What?

You and Sophia are the closest

mother and daughter I ever knew.

I wish I had had
that with my mother.

You know, when
she... When she died,

George and I got to
the hospital too late.

I didn't get to say
goodbye to her.

And now I'm not gonna
get to say goodbye...

Stop it, Blanche.

Rose can beat this. Hell,
if I can beat it, she can.

And you know how I
know? Because she's strong.

Strong like me.

(GROANING)

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You went through heart
surgery, too, didn't you, Sophia?

No, I take nitroglycerin
because I want to explode.

Here you are.

When you weren't at home, I figured
somethin' was wrong with Rose.

Is she okay?

She's havin' open-heart surgery.

Oh, no.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Oh, come on,
darlin'. I'll take you.

And bring back some of
those paper seat covers.

Hey, you collect stamps.

WOMAN ON PA:
Dr. Callahan, Dr. Callahan, call...

Kirsten.

Kirsten, what's going on?

Uh, well, they just brought my
mother out of surgery and she...

Well, she doesn't look so good.

When can we see her?

I don't think that would be
a very good idea right now.

What did the doctor say?

He said that the next few
hours were very crucial,

and that even if she makes it,

she may need a lot
of physical therapy,

and her insurance
doesn't really cover that,

and I don't know
what we're gonna do.

Don't you worry about that.

Oh, honey, if Rose
needs physical therapy,

we'll just simply
see that she gets it.

Hell, that's why
houses have mortgages.

You'd do that for
her? Of course.

Honey, we made a
pact a few years ago

that if anything
happened to any one of us,

the other three
would take care of her.

Sort of an extra
insurance policy.

Oh, she's very lucky
to have all of you.

Honey, she is very
lucky to have you, too.

(SOBBING) No, she's not.

Kirsten, stop. Your mother
loves you very much.

Just last week she was saying
how much she missed you.

Sometimes mothers
and daughters drift apart.

Dorothy and I did.

I put her away.

She sure did.

But sometimes it
takes something like this

to bring you back
together again.

But you've gotta
be strong for her.

She needs you.

I think she needs you, too.

Where are you going, Kirsten?

I'm gonna go talk to
the doctor about you.

I think my mother needs
to be with her family now.

All of her family.

You can only stay a few minutes.

And please, keep it down.

Don't worry, Doctor. Thank you.

(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)

BLANCHE: Oh, God,
Dorothy, look at her.

It's the surgery. Nobody
looks good after surgery.

Tell that to Cher.

Please, Ma, not now.

No, Dorothy. You're wrong.
I know Rose can hear us,

and if we act like
it's over, she will, too.

Don't worry, kiddo.

We're all here.
You're gonna be fine.

Dorothy is here.
Blanche is here.

She wants you to get out
of the bed, so she can use it.

There's a cute doctor
she's got her eye on.

God, where is she?

Where is Rose now?

(SCREAMING)

Rose!

Blanche! Dorothy!

ALL: We're heads! We're heads!

ALL: Oh, God, we're heads!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Wait a minute. Calm down.

Calm down, everybody.

How did this happen?

I remember.

That moron made us promise
we'd have our heads frozen

and meet 100 years later.

And we did it?

I guess so.

But I thought they'd have
given us bodies by now.

What the hell made you think

that people would be lining
up to donate their bodies?

God, we look like a
reunion of Henry VIII's wives.

Come on, Dorothy, look on
the bright side for a change.

Okay.

Blanche, you've lost weight.

Rose Nylund, I could
just strangle you.

With what?

Oh, come on,
now, let's not fight.

We went through all this
trouble so we could be together,

the least we can do is enjoy it.

Yeah, okay, I
guess you're right.

Fine. Of course.

But we're heads!

We're heads!

ALL: Oh, God, we're heads!

Now, calm down. Calm down.

Now, everybody, calm down.

So, Blanche, how did you die?

I was 92-years-old,

and I'd just met this really
cute little tennis instructor,

so I told him I needed lessons.

Well, he came over to the
house and I was in the bathtub.

So I asked him if he would
mind spongin' off my back.

He said, "Sure."

So I waited a little while
before I made my move and...

Oh, this is disgusting.

I mean, right up
until the end you...

My final words were,

"Thank you, baby.
Glub, glub, glub."

How did you die, Dorothy?

Well, you know that sign at
the gorilla cage at the zoo,

"Do not lean over the
fence"? ROSE: Yeah.

They mean it.

I guess you know how I died.

In that hospital.

The last thing I remember, I was
talking to you and Sophia and...

Hey, where is Sophia?

Didn't she have her
head frozen, too?

I guess not.

Poor Ma. Instead
of being here with us,

she's all alone in some
dark, cold box six feet under.

Sorry I'm late.

Dorothy, chin up.
Posture's important.

God, she's alive!

By the way, Dorothy, I sold that
video of you falling into the gorilla pit

to America's Funniest
Home Videos.

Ma, how could you?

I won!

Of course, it was a lot funnier
when they added the sound effects.

Boink, boink,
boink, boink, doink!

Ma, how can you still be alive?

You have to be 200 by now.

No, I died a long time
ago. I had my head frozen.

Yeah, but how did
you get a body so fast?

You didn't tip the guy?

(EXCLAIMING)

Well, at least that
proves they can do it.

How do you like your
new body, Sophia?

Love it.

I've got the body of a
25-year-old. And I'm in luck.

The in thing now is young
bodies with old heads.

(SPLUTTERING)

Rose, this stinks.
This really stinks.

Oh, it's all my fault.

If I hadn't made you promise,
this never would have happened.

I'm sorry. I'm
sorry. I'm sorry...

I'm sorry. Dorothy,
she's talking.

I'm sorry. What is it, Rose?

I'm sorry I died. Oh.

No, Rose, you didn't.

And honey, we're all here.

Ma, Blanche, me.

Oh, girls, I had the
most wonderful dream.

Sophia, you had the
body of a 25-year-old.

And Blanche, you were
having sex till you were 92.

(EXCLAIMING)

And Dorothy, you...

Well, you met somebody who
couldn't keep his hands off you.

Maybe we ought to
let you rest, honey.

Oh, don't go.

Seeing you all here
makes me know I'm alive.

It's a miracle.

Oh, yes, it is.

Dorothy finally met somebody.

Are you ready?

I just heard Rose
and Kirsten pull up.

Oh! Oh, let's hide. Wait. Wait.

Do you really think it's such a
great idea to scream "surprise"

at someone who just
had heart surgery?

(DOOR OPENING)

(WHISPERING) Surprise.

(WHISPERING) For who?

(WHISPERING) For you.

(GASPS)

Oh, honey, how are you feeling?

Oh, I'm fine.

We're just so glad
to have you back.

Oh, it's so good to be back. I
couldn't have done it without you.

Where's Sophia?

She's in the
kitchen, sweetheart.

She has a little
surprise for you.

Oh, great.

(KNIFE CLANGING)

Hey, look who's back.

Oh, no!

What, you never
dropped a knife before?

Welcome back, baby!

Oh, sweetie.

(EXCLAIMING)

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