The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 7, Episode 21 - Home Again, Rose: Part 1 - full transcript

While pretending to be people they picked at random from a yearbook at a high school reunion, Rose suffers a heart attack.

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the
road and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidant

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see

♪ The biggest gift
would be from me

♪ And the card
attached would say

♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪

Ma, what's wrong with you?



You've been leaving
the toilet seat up all week.

Thank God, I thought
I was losin' weight.

Oh, girls, I have great news!

I just talked to my
daughter, Janet,

and she and my granddaughter, Sarah,
are comin' to visit in a couple of days.

Oh, I've never been so happy.

Janet? Isn't she the
daughter who hates you?

Well, that didn't
last long, did it?

Oh, no, no. She doesn't
really hate me, Sophia.

We just don't see eye to eye.

But now this is my big chance.
Girls, you've gotta help me.

What is somethin' the three
of us could do together?

Well, we could sneak
into Rose's room,

put on some of her
hayseed dresses,



then do imitations of her.
No, no, no, not the three of us.

I mean Janet and Sarah and I.

Oh, the three of you.

I don't care.

You're no help at all, Sophia.

Dorothy, do you have any ideas?

Well, you know, my
idea of a good time...

Oh, God, I'm dead.

I am so mad.

I just got a letter from back home
all about my high school reunion.

I didn't know I was gonna
miss such a good time.

Listen to this, "Dear Rose,
you sure did miss a good time.

"The precision drill team
wasn't the same without you.

"We could only
spell out St. Oaf."

You know, Rose, you didn't get
to go to your high school reunion

because you
weren't feeling well.

Maybe if you'd been to see
a doctor, you could've gone.

You don't understand.
I'm from St. Olaf.

St. Olaf is farm country.

We're rough and rugged.
We never see doctors. Never.

In fact, my great-grandfather once
removed his neighbor's appendix

and he wasn't even sick.

Why would he do that?

Let's just say they
were playing poker

and the stakes
got a little high.

Rose, you have been looking
pale and drawn the last two weeks.

You ought to see a doctor.

Blanche is right. You
should see a doctor.

It's just indigestion,

and I'm a little tired
from working hard.

Oh, come on, Rose, you're
playing with your health here.

You're crazy.

Oh, I'm crazy, am I?

You think I'm crazy, do you?

Well, I'll tell you
something else.

In St. Olaf, we don't
believe in psychiatrists either.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, good, you're all here.

(CHUCKLING) Saturday
night, of course you're all here.

Well, before I go out, listen to
what I found in the personals.

"Last call for all
those who graduated

"from East Miami
High, class of '52.

"Don't miss our
40th reunion party."

What does that
have to do with us?

Well, look, Rose, you know you
missed your high school reunion

because you didn't feel well?

Here's your chance to go to one.

And for Dorothy and
me to meet some men.

Me, too! Me, too!

Let's say you and
Rose and I do go,

won't they know that we
haven't been to that school?

Yeah, how do we stop
that from happening?

Dorothy, these people
went to school 40 years ago.

They won't know
each other anymore.

Why, you and Rose
and I will blend right in.

We'll just blend
right in. Smooth.

You know, I did feel bad about
missing my high school reunion.

And Miles is out of town,

and with you guys
there I know I'd have fun.

You know, this is
ridiculous, but I say let's do it.

It'll be a lark.

We'll be just like the Three
Musketeers. All for one...

And one for all!

Oh, wait a minute.
What about Ma?

Thank you, pussycat.

We'll have to get a sitter.

No more sitters. We're still
in litigation with the last one.

She bit me first.

You're gonna come with us,
but you have to be prepared.

Now, I'm gonna go
by the school library

and pick up some old yearbooks.

We have to know all the basics.

You know, like, oh,
senior class president,

quarterback of the
football team, class slut.

Blanche, how do you tell
a slut from a yearbook?

Oh. How do you tell a
slut from a yearbook?

Um...

You don't have to
buy a yearbook dinner.

Rose.

You can take a yearbook
home to your parents.

Rose.

There's nothing wrong
with having a yearbook

on the coffee table.

Rose, this isn't a riddle!

Well, make it one. I
had three good answers.

Well, I'm ready for the reunion.

What do you think? Hmm?

Oh, pussycat, I think you haven't
changed a bit since your prom.

Really? No, I'm lying.

Gee, why do you press
me on these things?

Look, you're not going
to spoil this for me.

Tonight, I get to be
the person I want to be.

No baggage. I am free.

Nobody has to know that I
haven't fulfilled my dreams,

or that I got pregnant
in high school,

or that I stay home
on Saturday nights.

Then what the hell am I
supposed to talk about?

Rose, all I'm sayin' is, I just
want to make sure you're prepared.

Look, I studied that
yearbook as hard as you did.

Ask me anything. Anything.

Okay, I will. What
were the school colors?

Uh, gee... brick and a kind of a
cementy color between the bricks.

Rose, be serious.

All right, ask me
something else.

Um, all right, how many fingers
did the shop teacher have?

Nine. Oh, that's too easy.

All shop teachers have nine.

Rose Nylund, you haven't
memorized anything, have you?

You're just gonna walk in
there tonight totally unprepared

and the first words out of your
mouth are gonna be wrong,

and you're gonna
get us all kicked out!

Well, I'm feeling pretty tired.

Maybe I just shouldn't go.

Wait a minute. You're deliberately
trying to get out of going.

To tell you the truth, I
think I'm a little afraid.

Afraid of what?
Afraid of looking stupid.

Ho!

I think this whole
thing is wrong.

I mean, we're going to this
reunion and deceiving people

and changing our past histories.

To me, that's almost like lying.

And that's against
everything I am.

Rose, what's the
natural color of your hair?

I'll get the car.

Where have you been?

When no one was looking, I
went by the "no show" table

and I got four nametags for us.

Blanche, you'll be
Susan Armstrong.

And, Dorothy, you'll
be Cindy Lou Peeples.

And, Sophia,
you're Myron Zucker.

Rose, you idiot. There's no way
I'm ever gonna pass for a man.

Dorothy, trade with me?

Go to hell, Myron.

Rose, I don't want to wear this.

Oh, come on. I
looked in the yearbook

and you're a dead ringer
for Cindy Lou Peeples.

I don't know.

Trust me. It'll work or my
name isn't Kim Fung-Toi.

I'm gonna go stand with
those women over there

so I'll be less conspicuous.

Why do you say that?

Well, Dorothy, you remember, the
pretty girls always travel in packs.

Rose, you all right?

I just feel a little faint. I...

I think getting together with my
old friends is starting to get to me.

Rose, you don't
know anybody here.

So the snubbing
isn't race-oriented?

Oh, God, you know I
really hate reunions.

I mean, everybody
is so plastic and fake.

Everybody pretending to
be something they're not.

Why can't people
just be themselves?

Cindy Lou Peeples? Tommy Lunt?

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Excuse me. Aren't
you Mrs. Gonzales?

Spanish 101?

Si.

Hi, Larry Tucker.

You know, I... I was always afraid to
tell you this when I was in your class,

but I had a huge
crush on you back then.

Why didn't you ever
do anything about it?

Mrs. Gonzales, you
were my teacher.

And you were my
favorite student.

Well, I'm not your
teacher anymore,

and Mr. Gonzales is dead.

Let's mambo.

Susan? Susan Armstrong?

Ted? Ted O' Brien? My, my, my.

Why, you would
not believe how often

I've thought about
you over the years.

I'll bet.

I remember our one date
when I told you I didn't like girls

and you told everyone.

Everyone.

Well, guess what?

I still don't like girls
and I don't like you.

Ted? Ted!

Oh, who cares.

So I guess the most interesting
thing about the tar business is...

Well, actually, I have
to pick two things

because it's
impossible to pick one.

Well, anyway, the two
most interesting things

about the tar business
are the tar itself,

and the number of
shoes you go through.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm
probably boring you.

Enough about me.
Let's talk about you.

So, where do you get your tar?

I lost my first husband
in a tar pit. Excuse me.

Well, if it isn't
Susan Armstrong.

Oh, and don't you
look handsome, Bill.

Wow, you haven't aged
a bit. I've missed you.

Really, Susan?
How about our baby?

The one my parents raised?
Do you ever miss him?

You know, it isn't really
good to dwell on the past.

Um, so what do
you do for a livin'?

Bill? Bill?

(CLUCKS) Oh, who cares.

Uh, may I have your attention,
please? We'd like to get started.

Cindy Lou Peeples?
You look incredible.

Well, thank you.

You remember our
Korean exchange student,

Kim Fung-Toi?

Oh, sure. You look different.

Different on outside.
Same on inside.

Hi, I'm Pete Fielder.

Senior class president.

Oh, my God, it's the president!

Rose. I'm gonna try something.

Look, there's a tar salesman.

Oh, my God, it's a tar salesman!

Hello and welcome. I hope
you're all enjoying yourself.

But it's now the moment
we've all been waiting for.

Oh, I'm tired of
being Cindy Peeples.

Her life is almost
as boring as mine.

Oh, let's go home, Dorothy,
Rose. Okay, okay, Blanche.

And now, the king
and queen of the prom,

Danny Farrell and
Cindy Lou Peeples!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(BAND PLAYING FANFARE)

I'm queen! I'm queen!

Oh, Ma, Ma, I'm
queen of the prom.

I'm proud of you, Cindy Lou.

I'm queen.

This is sad. This is so sad.

Hold it. You're not
Cindy Lou Peeples.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

I brought my mother.
She'll vouch for me.

Yes. That... That's
Mrs. Gonzales.

Uh, si.

They're both
impostors. Run, Ma, run!

BLANCHE: No.

Dorothy!

Do you see what you've done?

You've upset Kim Fung-Toi.

Rose? Dorothy,
she's not kidding.

Oh, my God. Somebody get help!

BLANCHE: Rose. Rose.

(AMBULANCE SIREN WAILING)

Why won't they
tell us how she is?

Blanche, be patient.

We've been here
over an hour, Dorothy.

Oh, God. What if
she's already dead

and they're just tryin' to
figure out some way to tell us?

She is not dead.

I remember when people
used to die at Shady Pines.

I hated the way the nurses
used to break the news.

"Guess who's getting
two desserts tonight?"

It was so transparent.

Oh, my God, Dorothy, I just
had another horrible thought.

What if Rose had a major stroke?

What if she is left completely
unable to care for herself?

What would we do?

We would bring her home.
That's what we would do.

If she had a stroke, we'd
take care of her. She's family.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Right. And then we'd
send her to Shady Pines.

Thank you.

Oh, this is all my fault.

This is all my fault.

Blanche, what are you talking
about? Well, don't you see?

I was the one who knew
she wasn't feelin' well,

and yet I insisted she
go to that old reunion.

(SIGHS) How can I
be so self-centered?

I couldn't even
hear a cry for help.

Oh, all I ever
think about is me.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

Blanche, we all knew
she wasn't feeling well.

Do you mind, I'm
talkin' about me.

Blanche, listen to me.

All we can do for Rose
now is say a prayer.

Oh, been a long time
since I've said a prayer.

I don't think God even
knows who I am anymore.

God, Blanche.
Blanche, God. Go ahead.

Dear God, I know it's
been an awful long time

since I've done
this, and I'm sorry.

You have given me
a lot to be thankful for.

My wonderful children,

my health, a beautiful
body, legs to die for.

A face that is stunningly sexy

and yet has the
innocence of a child,

with luscious lips
that just invite...

He knows what you
look like, Blanche.

Yes, you know what I look like

and I just wanted
to say good job.

Oh, but, dear God, I
do have a favor to ask.

Could you please
spare my friend Rose?

Now, I know I
haven't been perfect,

but if you can
just let her live,

I promise I'll try to
be a better person.

And if, in your infinite
wisdom, you decide

to start the aging
process on me,

I will understand.

And I promise

I will not have sex with anyone

unless they really,
really need it.

Amen.

Hi. Are you waiting for
news on Rose Nylund?

Yes, we are, Doctor. How is she?

I've just seen
her and she's fine.

Oh, thank God. Oh,
we were so worried.

She had a very mild cardiac
episode. No permanent damage.

And you can see her

just as soon as we get
her moved into a room.

Oh! Did you hear
that? Rose is fine.

My prayer was answered.

Who knows? Maybe
that's what did it.

I know I was doing some praying.

All I know is Rose
is gonna be okay.

And I am gonna
stick by my promise.

Boy, from now on, you're gonna
see a new, improved Blanche.

I've just talked to the nurse.

Mrs. Nylund is in her room
and she wants to see you.

Oh, thank you, Doctor.

Room 114.

By the way, I don't
think I caught your name.

I'm Blanche.

Well, Blanche, I hope I can
see you outside the hospital.

Maybe we can have
dinner some night?

Oh, well, do you...
Do you really need to?

I mean, do you
really, really need to?

Well, I don't really need to.

Then I'm sorry, but I can't.

Oh, you are a vengeful God.

Oh, girls, thank
God you're here.

I'm sorry I scared you.

The doctor just wants me to
stay here overnight for observation.

Honey, don't be sorry. We're
just so happy you're feeling better.

She's right. Now, you
just take it easy, Rose.

I think this scare
really touched all of us.

I found myself
bargaining with God.

I promised him that
if you were all right,

there'd be a lot less sex
and a lot more church.

I'm sorry. I... I thought you were
making a joke to raise my spirits.

We all got a second chance. I realized
I wasn't living up to my potential.

I'm gonna find out
what I'm good at.

Take an aptitude test.

Maybe go to law school.

Oh, Ma, come on, you'll
be 96 when you get out.

I'll be 96 anyway.

Well, since everyone
is making promises,

and in celebration of
Rose's miraculous recovery,

I've decided I'm
gonna go out more.

What, she's gonna be a
lawyer and I can't go out?

You know, I've never
been afraid of dying.

That's 'cause I'm
not gonna stay dead.

I'm gonna get frozen.

I read a magazine
article on cryogenics.

I mean, they freeze you,

and then when they find
a cure for what you've got,

they bring you back to life.

Oh, Rose, there is no
proof of that working.

Oh, they've had great
success with the Arctic beetle.

You have nothin' in
common with the Arctic beetle.

Think that one through.

Well, I've heard
it's really expensive.

Not if you just do your head.

What? I want to
preserve my brain.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, we're sorry. We thought
you were makin' a little joke

to raise our spirits.

No, I want to get my head frozen

and I want you to promise
me you'll help me with this.

All right, if it'll
make you happy,

I will see that your head
gets to the cryogenics people.

And Blanche'll help me, too.

Well, I do have George's
old bowling ball bag.

And I need your solemn promises

that you'll have your
heads frozen, too.

Oh, honey. No, no, no,
no, Rose, I don't think so.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

I thought we were friends.

And friends do little things for each
other, like get their heads frozen.

Okay, we'll be good friends
and have our heads frozen, too.

(LAUGHING)

What?

I was just thinking about what
Dorothy said about getting out more.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(GASPS)

Grammy! Oh, sweetie-pie.

Janet, how was the trip?

Fine. Fine.

You come over here and
sit down next to Grandma.

Oh, give me a hug.

Oh, you, too. You're so
beautiful. You're so sweet.

Can we go to Monkey
Village, Grandma?

Why, yes, darlin'.

We can go anywhere
and do anything you want

on God's magnificent Earth.

Boy, you're sure in a good
mood for a Sunday mornin'.

Uh-oh. Sarah and I can wait in
the kitchen if you need a few minutes

to say goodbye to Uncle whoever.

No, no, no, nothin' like that.

Well, I thought
maybe the three of us

could go to church together
just like good people.

Oh, you know how I feel
about organized religion.

It makes me crazy.

And I do not want Sarah's head

filled with stories about a God

who may or may not exist.

Well, honey, of
course He exists.

Just look at the beautiful
sky, the majestic trees.

God created man and
gave him a heart and a mind

and thighs that
could crack walnuts.

Mother.

Oh, I'm sorry. I
came to religion late.

I'd say. But it's
never too late.

And it is my fervent
hope that the three of us,

you and I and dear
little Sarah, may walk

the path of
righteousness together.

And now, if you will excuse me,

I have Gideon
Bibles for everyone.

I miss sexy Grandma.

I'm sure a lot of
people do, darlin'.

I'm sure a lot of people do.

Rose? Rose?

Look at this. Vaseline.

BENGAY.

Ooh, wow, look at this
wonderful thermometer!

Ouch! Stop me, I'm like
a kid in a candy store.

Ma, don't take that stuff.

Come on, pussycat.

They expect us to take
it. It's like hotel soap.

Oh, excuse me. We're
here to pick up our friend.

Are they doing some
tests before they let her go?

Rose Nylund?

I'm sorry to have
to tell you this,

but she went
into cardiac arrest.

They're prepping
her for surgery.

Oh, my Lord. Oh, my Lord.

Oh, my Lord.

(SIGHS)

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