The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 5, Episode 8 - That Old Feeling - full transcript

Blanche falls in love with her late husband's brother Jamie.

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the
road and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the
biggest gift would be from me

♪ And the card
attached would say

♪ "Thank you for
being a friend" ♪

Oh, girls, I'm so
sorry to be late.

I ran out of gas
on the way home.

It was just horrible. Nobody
would stop to help me.

This could never have
happened in the Old South.

What has become of chivalry,

when men used to
open doors for you,

pull out your
chair, tip their hat,

kiss your hand, help you
down out of your carriage,

leave calling cards
on little silver salvers?

So how far back
do you want to go?

Do you still want
to be able to vote?

I cannot believe
I ran out of gas.

I checked my tank
yesterday. It was half full.

Maybe the gauge is broken.

It's all those foreign cars.

They're unreliable.

Ma, Blanche drives a Buick.

So? I'm from Sicily. To
me a Buick is a foreign car.

Oh, but I haven't told
you my wonderful news.

My mother-in-law died.

Oh, I'm sorry. Well, I'm not.

I loathed Mama Devereaux,

and the feeling
was entirely mutual.

Till the day George died,

she always introduced
me as his first wife.

I just hope the old
witch went slowly.

I sense the period
of mourning is over.

Oh! I didn't tell you
my really good news.

Better than the dead
mother-in-law? Yes.

George's younger brother Jamie

is flying in tomorrow
from Charleston

to help settle my
part of the estate.

You and Jamie were close?

We were classmates
in high school.

I thought he was cute, but I could
never date someone from my own class.

Well, I'd been dating
seniors since I was 12.

I had my reputation to consider.

Shut up, Ma.

After George and I were married,

I began to realize that
Jamie had this yen for me.

Poor boy.

Trapped in a seething
cauldron of forbidden passion

for his gorgeous sister-in-law.

There were nights when he
actually bayed at the moon.

But he finally realized that I
was totally committed to George,

so he threw himself
into a marriage

that was doomed to failure.

After 20 years they realized
they had nothing in common.

I can't wait for him to get
here and see how good I look.

You know, Blanche, Jamie may
not see this as a happy reunion.

I mean, after all, he
just lost his mother.

And I just ran out of
gas, but life goes on.

In my village in Sicily
we had a custom.

If your mother-in-law died,

you were forced to
wear a hair shirt, eat dirt

and pound your head on a rock.

Anything to keep
you from laughing.

I just don't believe I'm
about to see Jamie again.

Last time I saw him
was at George's funeral.

'Course, I didn't
look all that good.

Red is such a bad color on me.

You wore red to
George's funeral?

George liked red.

I thought I looked terrible,
but the pictures came out fine.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, that must be him.
How do I look, girls?

Nervous. I am nervous.

My heart's just pounding away.

Just take a deep breath.

I always take a deep
breath before I greet a man.

It thrusts my breasts forward.


Honey, you always did look
pretty when you held your breath.


Why do you look so stricken?

It can't be because
Mother's dead.

You two could never
stand the sight of each other.

I had forgotten how
much you look like George,

how much you sound like him.

I can't help it.
I'm his brother.

Aren't you gonna
introduce me? To who?

Oh! Where are my manners?

Jamie, these are my
friends Dorothy and Rose.

Ladies, in her
all-too-infrequent letters,

Blanche has spoken
of you in glowing terms.

I feel real lucky to get the
chance to know you personally.

Why, thank you, kind sir.

You'll have to excuse Rose.

Every time a man
speaks Southern at her,

she goes all... stupid.

Oh, Jamie, it's so
good to see you again.

Well, I'm glad to see you too,

even if it is only
for the weekend.

The business with the
will shouldn't take long.

I shouldn't think so.

I'd hardly expect Mama Devereaux
to leave me the family silver.

As her executor, I had to
go over her will with her -

the list of beneficiaries -

and, well, she was
pretty far gone by then,

but when we got to your name,

she kept repeating in
this weak little voice,

"I want her to have it.
I want her to have it."

Well, I am surprised.

She was talking
about her disease.

Well, I've got to
get back to the hotel.

Blanche has consented
to have lunch with me.

Would you ladies
care to join us?

Oh, no, that's all right.

You two probably have
a great deal to talk over.

It was a pleasure to
meet you. See y'all later.

It was our pleasure,
Jamie. See y'all.

Blanche, I love the girls,

but they don't seem
as old as you said.

It's the lighting.

What a charming
man. And so handsome.

As they say in St.
Olaf, va-va-va voom!

Is that where that comes from?

I better be on my way.
It's my day to get groceries.

God, I hate going
to the supermarket.

Rose, if you'd stop playing
express-line detective,

people would
stop yelling at you.

Oh, I see. So when you're
standing in line reading TV Guide

and you toss it on top of your ten
items, I should look the other way.

I think not, Dorothy.

Dorothy, my car is gone. What?

My car. It's been stolen.

Oh, come on, Rose. Slow down.

You probably just forgot
where you parked it.

I'm telling you, it's been
stolen. I'm gonna call the cops.

Hold it. Rose, don't call
the police. How come?

Because they told
you never to call again.

Call the neighborhood patrol.

If it actually was stolen,

one of their cars
will probably spot it.

The phone book is missing.

The car's missing, the
phone book is missing.

If you had a car phone,
this would all come together.

Dorothy, you might
show a little compassion.

Catch me on a day
when the story's about me.

What's with Rose?

Rose thinks her
car's been stolen.

No, it hasn't. It's
parked right outside.

Ma's right.

Well, it wasn't there a
minute ago, I swear it.

How can it be gone one
minute and back the next?

I think I know. Ma,

why are you carrying
that phone book?

I can carry a book.
It's a free country.

Even the Statue of
Liberty carries a book.

You were driving
again. Who says?

This phone book is still warm.

You were sitting on it so you
could see over the steering wheel.

You know me - safety first.

You stole my car?

Only for a couple of hours.

If I had asked, would
you have said yes?

No. There you go.

That is why Blanche
ran out of gas.

You'd been driving
her car, hadn't you?

Do you know how
embarrassing it is to drive a car

with a bumper sticker that says:

"So many men, so little time"?

But Ma, you don't have a
license. I have a license.

It expired years ago.

I went down and had it renewed.

Look, I absolutely forbid
you to do this. Why?

Because you drive
like Mr. Magoo.

I don't understand why
suddenly, out of the blue,

you decided to
start driving again.

I had a blind date.

Actually, he's
just legally blind.

It's Mr. Panioli.

He's good-looking,
a lot of laughs

and he can't see his own
hand in front of his face.

He's happy just as
long as I brush my teeth.

Sophia, if you needed a ride,

we'd be happy to give you lifts.

You want to make me happy?
Get rid of the Bobby Vinton tapes.

I have enough trouble
staying awake at the wheel.

Listen, Ma, I didn't want
to say this, but I'm going to.

Your eyesight is not
what it used to be,

and neither are your reflexes,

and I want you to
make me a promise.

If ever you want to
drive, you come to me,

let me know, and
I'll go with you.

Do you promise? Promise?

Why don't you ask
me to sign it in blood?

What happened to trust?

You don't want me
to drive a car, fine,

but don't ask me to promise.

Don't humiliate me.

Leave me with what
little dignity I have left.

Ma, I'm sorry. Of
course I trust you.

What a pigeon.

Oh, my God. If they
want to make spies talk,

they should force them to
grade junior-high English essays.

Kids today can't write
the English language.

"The characters in
The Grapes of Wrath

are so real that
it's interesting."

Weren't they?

Afternoon, all.

How was your lunch with Jamie?

It was magical.

We talked for hours
all about George -

how George loved me,

how George could never
take his eyes off me,

how George used
to save his money

so he could buy presents
good enough for me.

Oh, it felt so good
talking about George.

It almost seemed to
bring him back to life,

and it made me realize why,

from the time I laid eyes
on him till the day he died,

there was never, never
another man in my life.

Blanche, you? You
were never tempted?


Didn't you have
your milk delivered?

The uncanny thing is how
much like George Jamie is,

and it's not just that he
looks and talks like him.

He's gentle like George, and
he's thoughtful like George.

He's smart and
funny like George.

Sometimes I get
this eerie feeling

that George has walked
right back into my life.

Oh, Rose, Dorothy,
I'm falling in love.

Novelty night.

What's more, my
female instincts tell me

that Jamie feels the
same way about me.

Oh, it wouldn't surprise
me if one day soon

Mrs. Blanche Devereaux were to
become Mrs. Blanche Devereaux.

I'll alert the mailman.

Don't you think it's crazy that
Blanche is actually gonna marry Jamie?

Why? They practically
grew up together.

Rose, they've known each
other most of their lives

so it's very comfortable.
He's like an old friend.

But he's her late
husband's brother.

I remember back in St. Olaf

when Inga Engstran married
her late husband's brother Lars,

and the whole town was shocked.

That could've been because
at the time Inga was on trial

for her late husband's

It was probably a factor.

The trial went on for months.

Attorney's fees cost
her an arm and a leg.

Rose, get to where they steal
the brain out of the dead body

and sew it into your head.

So anyway, she got a
suspended sentence.

They let her go?
No, they hanged her.

I'm going to sleep.

I don't know how long I've got,

but I deserve better
company in my final years.

Good night, Ma.

Now, you know, Rose, I
think Blanche has the right idea

marrying someone she knows.

It makes it a lot easier,
sharing a history together.

It helps knowing each
other's idiosyncrasies.

I don't think Stan and I
would have gotten together

had I known that
his entire family

smells their fingers all
day after they eat chicken.

Well, I still think Blanche
is making a terrible mistake.

And what mistake
might that be, pray?

Trusting that her friends won't
badmouth her behind her back?

Oh, honey, that's
not it. We're a family.

And when a close
member of the family

thinks that she might move out,

well, even though we
might be happy for her,

it's a little upsetting.

Well, if you're worried
about the house, don't be.

Even if I move to Charleston,
I'll make arrangements

for you-all to stay
here as long as you like.

Blanche, that's so sweet of you.

Oh, Blanche, that's
not what concerns us.

It's not?

We're concerned
about losing you.

Oh, right.

I don't want to lose you either.

Wait a minute. I
have a wonderful idea.

Why don't you all come to
Charleston and live with me?

No, we couldn't do that.

Of course you
can. It's all settled.

I don't want to
hear another word.

Why, you know, it's an
old Southern tradition

for the beautiful
married daughter

to take in her pathetic
spinster sisters.

Well, when she puts it that
way, it's so hard to resist.


I have graded the last paper.

D minus? You're gonna
give the poor kid a D minus?

That's because substitute
teachers aren't authorized

to impose the death penalty.

Well, since Blanche is
having dinner with Jamie,

we have a very important
decision to make.

How about pizza? Sounds great.

Should we go healthy and get
whole-wheat crusts and low-fat cheese?

Why don't we go
really high-fiber

and spread ketchup on cardboard?

Pizza, dammit! Get pizza.

That's funny. The phone
book is missing again.

Wait a minute. Where's Ma?

Is my car gone?

Hey, your car is
fine. My car is gone.

(phone rings)

Yes? Yes, she does.

It's the police. There's
been an accident.

You promised me you
wouldn't drive alone.

Ma, I can't believe
you lied to me.

I've been lying
to you all your life.

Did you ever get that yellow pony
I promised you when you were six?

You're not taking this
accident very seriously.

No one was hurt. It was the
other guy's fault. I have a witness.

Your witness is Mr. Panioli.
He's legally blind.

He'll say what I tell
him. What's the big deal?

Ma, you should not be driving.

You want to take
away my license?

And your telephone book.

It's for your own good, Ma.

You're ruining my life.

One of us could drive you
anywhere you want to go.

Oh, sure, I really want
you along on dates.

Ma, will you try
to be reasonable?

Sheila Patterson's
daughter lets her drive.

I'm not Sheila
Patterson's daughter.

You can't treat me like
this. I'm going to my room.

Oh, Ma.

I have the strangest sense
of déjà vu from when I was 14,

except I'm Ma and she's me.

What are you gonna do
about her? I've got to be firm.

I'm not gonna let
her go to the prom.

I never will forget back in
high school in biology class

when we were
studying the octopus.

Now, I swear I meant
to say eight tentacles.

No, you didn't.

Any girl who says
that and doesn't blush

knows what she's saying.

You were the only thing that
kept me awake in biology class.

To old friends.

Oh, I wish you weren't
leaving tomorrow. So do I.

Well, then, don't. Stay
on a few more days.

I've got a meeting with a
client on Monday morning.

Then I'll go back to
Charleston with you.

Say again.

Look, I know how
I feel about you,

and I flatter myself to think

that you feel the
same way about me.

Now, I could be coy,
I could drop hints,

but I'm past that.

Jamie, when George died

I began to feel incomplete.

I tried to find
what was missing,

I tried to find it
in another man.


Many, many men.

But it just wasn't there,
and then you happened,

and it was as if George had just
stepped right back into my life again.

I just don't want to feel
that incompleteness again.

Oh, just listen to me.

Am I carrying on? I don't
know what got into me.

No, I said I was not going
to be coy, and I'm not.

I'm gonna say what
I mean, what I feel.

I'm in love with you, Jamie.

Well, Blanche, darling...

I do feel something for you.
I think maybe I always have.

I knew it.

But I don't believe it's love,

not the way you mean it.

The only thing we've
talked about tonight

and ever since I
got here is George.

Now, I loved him
too, I looked up to him,

I tried to be just like
him... but I couldn't.

I couldn't be him then
and I can't be him now.

You're in love with the
memory I brought back to you.

Well, I certainly am not.

I am well in touch
with my feelings

and I certainly know
my own mind, George.

Now, you've just
been talking nonsense.

Take it back this second.

Jamie. What?

You called me George.

Well... don't you
think I would know

if I had called you
Jamie, George?

I mean... I mean George, Jam...

Oh, well, Jamie, George,
what's the difference?

There is a difference, Blanche.

You're just so much like him.

But I'm not him.

I feel like a fool.

Oh, Blanche, honey.

It's never foolish to
hold on to a memory.

Sometimes it's
all we're left with.

I miss him so much.

I know. I miss him too.

Morning, everybody.
Blanche, are you OK?

I stopped crying a
couple of hours ago.

I've been waiting for the
puffiness to disappear.

We were worried about you.

Well, I just cried and cried,

and then I finally realized
what I'd been crying about.

It wasn't about me and
it wasn't about Jamie.

It was about George.

And I cried enough for
George when he died

so I decided to
rejoin the living.

That's our Blanche.

I think I'll take a stroll

past that new mini
mall they're building.


Passing construction sites
is good for your morale.

The sound of guys in hard hats

making that sucking
noise through their teeth...

makes me feel like a lady again.