The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 4, Episode 8 - Brother, Can You Spare That Jacket? - full transcript

Sophia donates an old jacket to charity, not knowing that it contains a winning lottery ticket.

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the
road and back again

♪ Your heart is true



♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the
biggest gift would be from me

♪ And the card
attached would say

♪ "Thank you for
being a friend" ♪

Who's the letter from, Ma?

Joanne Pescatore. She's
coming to Miami for a visit.

Joanne Pescatore?

Didn't she own that candy
store down the street in Brooklyn?

That was Jeanette Passadano.

Oh. Then who was
Joanne Pescatore?



How the hell should I
know? This letter's for Rose.

Ma, why are you
reading Rose's mail?

Because all you got were bills.

Listen to this part at the end. Tell
me if you think Joanne's a lesbian.

Ma.

Hi, Sophia. Hi, Dorothy.
Guess what I've got.

A friend who's a lesbian?

Better. I picked up our
weekly lottery tickets.

Oh, girls, it's been
such a glorious day.

All afternoon I was
in the mood for leather

and I finally found
exactly what I wanted.

Fine, Blanche. Just make sure his
motorcycle doesn't block the driveway.

Can we save the
chitchat for later?

If we hit the jackpot, I wanna
live long enough to spend it.

What jackpot? I picked up
our lottery tickets. Here we go.

I forget. How
does this go again?

To win something, you
have to get three to match?

Right. If you get three
coconuts, you win $100.

What if you get
three palm trees?

You don't have three palm trees.
That means you win $10,000.

Ma, I know what a
palm tree looks like.

You also know what a
handsome doctor looks like.

It doesn't mean you've got one.

Sophia, she's right.

Three palm trees. $10,000.

Oh, my God. We just
won $10,000. $10,000!

I don't believe it! $10,000!

Split four ways, that's
almost $2,000 apiece.

(all three) Almost.

Where are you going, Ma?
To order that cherry red tricycle

with the grocery bag sidecar.

Don't laugh. You ride one
past a shuffleboard court,

you got old guys
coming out of your hair.

$10,000! God, life is beautiful!

Now I don't feel so guilty about spending
all that money on this leather jacket.

Blanche, I don't mean
to be a party pooper,

but it looks like they
sold you a jacket

that someone returned.
It's kind of beat-up.

No, Rose, that's the
way it's supposed to look.

It's an aviator jacket.

And now I can afford
some accessories for it.

Like a purse? Like an aviator.

Here, let's just put that lucky
ticket in my jacket pocket

for safekeeping till tomorrow.

I think we ought to go
out to dinner to celebrate.

What a great idea. I'll
go freshen up. Me too.

I'll get my purse.

Where's everybody going?
Out to dinner. Go get ready, Ma.

I am ready. (doorbell rings)

I'm always ready.
You do that at 82.

That, and carry hard candy.

Hi, I'm Dave from
Lincoln Hospital.

That's nice. If my blood pressure
goes up, you'll be the first person I call.

No, wait! I'm
from the thriftshop.

Somebody called about
donating some old stuff.

Oh, yeah, right.
These boxes over here.

Oh, wait a minute. This beat-up
old thing must be for you too.

Thanks. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

OK, let's go celebrate.

I think we should order
champagne. And caviar.

Yahoo! We're rich!

It has to be here somewhere.

It's not in the
laundry room closet.

It's not in my bedroom, but
I knew I didn't hang it there.

I am positive you
left it on the couch.

We gotta find that jacket.
It's driving me crazy.

All right. I wasn't
gonna say anything,

but since it's kinda my fault, I'll
pay for a new jacket out of my share.

What do you mean
it's kinda your fault?

Do you know where the jacket is?

What did you do with it, Ma?

Stand back.

I know how to use this thing.

Spill it, Ma.

I'm scared. I'll do
anything you say.

Where is the jacket, Ma?

I gave it to the guy from
the thriftshop. You what?

Let's go. We've got to get
down there before they sell it.

What's the big deal? It's
only a crummy old jacket.

We put the winning
lottery ticket in the pocket.

Start the engine
and open the door.

I'll jump in at the
bottom of the driveway.

Uh, excuse me, sir. We are
looking for a leather jacket

that got mixed up with a
box of clothes we donated.

It was a terrible mistake.

It was not a terrible mistake.
It was a regular mistake.

A terrible mistake
is when you forget

that A Different
World follows Cosby.

Oh, I remember you. I just picked
that stuff up a couple of hours ago.

Then it's still here? It
must be. I just put it out.

Uh, Michael
decided to take this.

Dorothy, that's our
jacket. Do something.

I'm sorry, Rose. I left my
flamethrower in my other purse.

Here, let me handle this.

Listen here, mister. I would
like to have a word with you.

I paid good money
for that jacket

and before you walk
out of here with it,

why, there's something
I want to say to you.

What?

The zipper sticks a little.

Pardon me. Excuse me, sir.

Would it be possible for
me to try that jacket on?

Just for a minute.
Uh, no time, ma'am.

Michael has to
get to the concert.

Look, if you don't mind, I
would like to see this Michael.

You and the rest
of Miami. Sorry.

The entire
engagement is sold out.

Michael!

Do you know who that is?

Sure. The guy from
the Pepsi commercials.

Pepsi commercia... Michael?

Oh, my God! That's
Michael J. Fox!

Please can we talk to
you for just a minute?

Michael, it's very important.

We won't bother you. Michael!

Yes, yes, that's right. It was a winning
ticket, but we gave the jacket away.

Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.

Yes, I'll tell 'em. I'm
sure they'll appreciate it.

Bye. What did he say?

He said he was
in total agreement.

It's a miscarriage of justice
and we deserve the money.

Oh! That's great.

He also told me I'd called
his Chinese restaurant

instead of the Lottery
Commission. Oh.

He felt so bad, he's giving us free
egg rolls the next time we come in.

Oh, what's the
difference? It's over.

If we don't have the ticket,
we can't claim the prize.

Sophia, are you all right?

You haven't said
a word in hours.

Oh, I'm fine.

I was thinking about what I'd
planned with my share of the winnings.

I wanted to get each one of you
something special for being so kind

and allowing a lonely
old woman to live with you.

Oh, Sophia.

Maybe if we went to a
movie it'd make us feel better.

Can we afford it? Oh, come
on, now. This is ridiculous.

We are not poor. We thought
we had $10,000 and now we don't,

but we're no better or worse
off than we were 24 hours ago.

If that was a
pep talk, it stunk.

Look at this. There's a celebrity
auction to benefit the homeless

and they're selling
a leather jacket

worn by a major rock star
at his concert last night.

Let me see. What?

Oh, I don't
believe it. This is it.

This has to be it.
Come on, let's get going.

We can't go to a
charity event like this.

The auction started
20 minutes ago.

I'm right behind you.

Hey, those gifts I
was talking about,

they were more tokens of
affection than actual gifts, you know?

They're cheap? Just so everyone
understands the ground rules.

OK, let's roll.

The bid's 900.900
once, 900 twice,

sold for $900. Congratulations.

And now, moving
along to item number 17.

A leather jacket
recently worn in concert

by one of the world's
leading musical talents.

Get ready. This is it.

I have a really dumb question.

And I have a box of
Chiclets. What's your point?

How high do we bid? High. High.

I mean, even if it costs us
$1,000, we'll still have $9,000 left.

But don't start that high. We
might get it for a couple of hundred.

We'll start at $100 and see
how it goes. OK, OK, OK.

And now, may I have
an opening bid, please?

10,000.

Excuse me? $10,000.

10,000 once, 10,000
twice, sold for $10,000.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you so much.

Would you mind if I said a
few words to the audience?

For ten grand they should let
him shower with the audience.

I guess now I'll never
get to fly on the Concorde.

I'll never get to buy
that emerald pendant

to dangle between
my perky bosoms.

And I'll never get to
buy perky bosoms.

But what the hell. Nothing
else perks on this body.

Hey. Maybe we can get
the jacket for just a minute

and grab the ticket
out of the pocket.

That's a great idea.

I bet I could use a little friendly
persuasion on that gentleman.

Persuasion? This isn't for
dinner at the Rainbow Room,

this is for ten big ones.
Give him whatever he wants.

Sorry. I guess I just didn't realize
how much I wanted that money.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm congressman Philip Starr

and I've recently been accused of
being insensitive to the homeless.

Well, I think tonight's
sizeable cash contribution

should lay those
accusations to rest.

He doesn't even
care about the jacket.

Sweet Jesus, it's a miracle.
This is gonna be easy.

Well, don't take any chances.
Sleep with him anyway.

Sorry.

And as a symbolic gesture
to underscore my concern,

I've done something
very special tonight.

In addition to my
sizeable donation,

I've just dispatched my top aide to
one of many shelters in our community

with the jacket
I've just purchased.

May it provide
warmth and comfort

to one of our city's homeless.

(applause)

We're screwed.

Are you sure we're
in the right place?

Mission Street Shelter for
the indigent and homeless.

This is where they said they
sent the jacket. Kinda drab, isn't it?

Blanche, it's a shelter, not
the flagship of the Hilton chain.

Kinda reminds me of the
Shady Pines Retirement Home,

except here the lights
in the exit sign work.

What's our plan? What is
this? Mission: Impossible?

Do I look like Peter Graves?

You could if you'd
put a rinse in your hair

and wear a lighter shade
of lipstick like I beg...

Here, I'll tell you
what our plan is.

Now, there's $10,000 at stake.

To find that jacket and get
that ticket we will lie, cheat,

threaten and steal
if we have to...

Oh, hello. Anybody
got a backup plan?

I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone
was here. I was just locking up.

Father, we desperately
need your help.

Frankly, I'm not sure we have enough
beds, but you're welcome to stay.

Oh, we don't want to
stay... Oh, yes, we do.

We have to, but
just for one night.

No need to be embarrassed.
We're not here to judge you,

we're here to keep you
safe and warm till morning.

Let me get some
pillows. I'll be right back.

This is insane. I'm not
leaving here without that jacket.

I'm with Blanche.
We've come this far.

After we get inside, we
can split up and look for it.

Here are your pillows. The
blankets are on the beds

and lights out's in
just a few minutes.

The beds are right through here.

Are you gonna tie a bow on that

when you've finished
wrapping it up?

I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to disturb you.

I'm a bit compulsive. It's
the Minnesota farm girl in me.

You're from Minnesota? Yes.

No kidding? So am I.

Well, what a coincidence.
Isn't that amazing? St. Olaf.

Ben Wheaton.
Pleased to meet you.

Oh, no, my name is Rose
Nylund. I come from St. Olaf.

Oh, I should've known
that you weren't a saint.

It's too much to expect a
miracle this late in the game.

What happened?
Oh, bedtime, Rose.

Does that mean we
can't talk anymore?

No, they just like you
to stay in your beds.

Oh, darn. What?

I didn't get to brush my teeth.

I know how you feel. I always
make sure I brush after every meal.

You wouldn't happen to have
a meal on you, would you?

What are you staring
at? Your purse.

You just be careful, son.

There is a long list of
men who bear the scars

of trying the wrong thing
at the wrong time with me.

Scars, I might add, that are
not visible to the general public.

I thought you might
have a piece of gum.

Oh.

Well, I might. You
want me to take a look?

Forget it.

Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to snap at you like that.

I'm just a little
uncomfortable here.

Helps if you stuff newspapers
under the mattress.

That's not what I meant.

I was talking about
being here at the shelter.

This is your first time?

Oh, lord, it's been ages
since I heard that from a man.

Yes, it is my first time.

I can give you a few
pointers if you like.

Now, that I've
never heard before.

Are you comfortable,
Ma? Oh, yeah.

Before we leave, I wanna get
the model number off this cot.

I'm hoping Ethan Allen
makes one in knotty pine.

Ma, try to make
the best of it, OK?

We're gonna be here for a while.

I don't think Blanche or
Rose spotted the jacket either.

I don't believe it.
That's Ida Perkins.

What?

That's Ida Perkins. What
the hell is she doing here?

Were you kidding me
about being from Minnesota?

Absolutely not.

I spent 22 years working
the prime noon-to-eight shift

at the Minneapolis
Excelsior Hotel.

I don't believe it.

Where did you
live in Minneapolis?

Oh, 22 years, lots of places,

but my last home was
near Bartholomew and Third.

Oh, that's a lovely
neighborhood.

Why did you leave?

Well, I liked to
entertain a lot,

but the cardboard
box I was living in

was only suitable for
small dinner parties.

Breakfast is cereal and
coffee. They ask for a quarter,

but if you don't have
it, no one makes a fuss.

Just make sure you get there
early. A lot of times they run out.

Well, lovely as that sounds,
Kenny, I usually skip breakfast.

When you reach 45, you have to keep an eye
on your figure, if you know what I mean.

Blanche, who do you
think you're fooling?

Oh, all right. 48.

That's not what I mean.

What are you doing in this
place? You don't belong here.

I most certainly do. Hey,
hey, it's OK. I'm just curious.

See, I don't belong here either.

You don't? No. I'm
in graduate school.

I'm here undercover, working
on my doctorate in sociology.

I knew it. I knew it!

The minute we started
talking, I said to myself:

"Now, how could a bright
boy like him end up here?"

You're more like my own son than
you are like those people you see

stopping strangers
for spare change.

Oh, well, that explains it
all. Now I feel much better.

So you're really a student
working on your doctorate.

I'm really an alcoholic
who needs a place to sleep.

What?

It's true. I've already
got my doctorate.

We had some great times
at the home, didn't we, Ida?

We sure did.

Dorothy, Ida was
the best, bar none,

at faking an angina
attack at dinner

so we could swap our nonfat
yogurt for real sour cream.

There wasn't a patient at
Shady Pines that didn't bless Ida

every time we sat down
to eat a baked potato.

When did you leave
the home, Mrs. Perkins?

Maybe a year now. I
don't really keep track.

Well, what made
you decide to leave?

Decide? Some things in
life you never get to decide.

Some things just happen.

What happened, Ida?

I didn't know - nobody told me -

that it cost money to get old.

I just figured that was
one thing you'd get for free.

It isn't.

The home cost money,
the doctors cost money,

medicine costs money.

You know, I always thought it
was sad I outlived my whole family,

but I never knew it was
going to be a punishment.

The hotel business
started to slump.

Hundreds of people got laid off.

I went looking for work,
but believe it or not,

most businesses aren't anxious to
train a 55-year-old black hotel porter.

Go figure it, huh?

It's all about
pressure from family,

from professors, from friends.

No room to slide.
Have to be perfect.

Guess what, Blanche.
I'm not perfect.

So they sent me a letter.

The money was gone.

I asked for some help.

They gave me some phone numbers.

The streets were
cold in Minnesota.

It took me nearly three months,
but I finally made it to Miami. I...

Will you listen to
me, just running on?

Tell you what, you tell me
your sad story over breakfast.

Good night.

I couldn't survive out there,

but I'm learning
to survive here.

Which reminds me,
hold on to that purse.

I didn't really want any gum.

I wander now.

I don't decide anything anymore.

I wait for things to happen.

Time to look for the
jacket. I guess so.

Let's split up.

(♪ "Brother, Can You Spare a
Dime?" by EY Harburg and Jay Gorney)

♪ They used to tell me

♪ I was a building a dream

♪ With peace and glory ahead

♪ Why should I
be standing in line

♪ Just waiting for bread?

♪ Once I built a
rainbow ♪ Made it run

♪ Made it race against time

♪ Once I built a
railroad ♪ Now it's done

♪ Brother, can you spare a dime?

Ida, I know it's
rough by yourself.

I count my blessings that I
have my Dorothy to look after me,

but you can't give
up. People care.

They really do.

Good people won't let
this kind of suffering go on.

You just gotta hang
in there till tomorrow.

Sophia, it is tomorrow.

I found it.

(door opens)

Good morning.

Here you go, Padre.

Thanks for everything.

♪ Brother, can you spare a dime?

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