The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 3, Episode 3 - Bringing Up Baby - full transcript

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪

♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE ♪

♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANT ♪

♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY ♪

♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW ♪

♪ YOU WOULD SEE ♪

♪ THE BIGGEST GIFT
WOULD BE FROM ME ♪

♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY ♪

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪

IS THIS 6151 RICHMOND STREET?



MA, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, DOROTHY, THANK GOD IT'S YOU.

I BROKE MY GLASSES AT THE
MALL AND I CAN'T SEE A THING.

IT TOOK... IT TOOK ME SIX
HOURS TO FIND MY WAY HOME.

MA, IF YOU COULDN'T SEE, WHY
DIDN'T YOU CALL ME TO GET YOU?

I TRIED TO, BUT EVERY TIME
I PUT IN A DIME AND DIALED,

A CONDOM POPPED OUT.

I GOT FIVE IN MY
POCKET. HERE, DOROTHY.

A LIFETIME SUPPLY.

DOROTHY, WHICH ONE
OF THESE NECKLACES

LOOKS BETTER WITH THIS DRESS?

THIS GOLD CHAIN OR THE PEARLS?

THEY BOTH LOOK NICE, BLANCHE.

I'M JUST NOT SURE
ABOUT THE PEARLS.



DO YOU THINK PEARLS
NESTLED IN THE AMPLE CLEAVAGE

REVEALED BY MY CLINGING, LOW-CUT
GOWN SOMEHOW MIGHT SUGGEST

I'M NOTHING BUT A
CHEAP, EASY, GOOD TIME?

THEY MIGHT.

THAT SETTLES IT. PEARLS IT IS.

BLANCHE, YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU
LOST 15 POUNDS.

THANK YOU, SOPHIA.

OH, THAT'S YOUR THIGH. I
THOUGHT IT WAS PART OF THE COUCH.

BLANCHE, TRY TO REMEMBER,
GRAVY ISN'T A BEVERAGE.

BLANCHE, MA BROKE HER GLASSES.

SHE CAN'T SEE A THING.

HI, ROSE.

HI, ROSE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
HONEY? SOMETHING WRONG?

YES... NO. WELL, I
GUESS YES AND NO.

HONEY, WHAT IS IT?

I FOUND OUT THIS MORNING...

I'M GONNA BE A MOTHER AGAIN.

ROSE, WE'VE BEEN OVER
THIS A HUNDRED TIMES.

YOU CANNOT GET PREGNANT
USING THE TOILET AT THE MALL.

I BET IT'S A BOY.

YOU'RE CARRYING
REALLY HIGH IN THE FRONT.

I'M NOT HAVING A BABY.
I'M GETTING A BABY.

I GOT A TELEGRAM THAT
MY UNCLE HINGEBLOTTER

HAD PASSED AWAY AND LEFT
ME CUSTODY OF HIS BABY.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I'M NOT SURE.

OH, I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF
THE CHANCE TO BE A MOTHER AGAIN,

BUT IT'S A BIG RESPONSIBILITY.

OH, IT SURE IS.

I'M NOT SURE I COULD EVEN
RAISE ANOTHER BABY AT MY AGE,

AND I'M FAR YOUNGER THAN YOU.

AND PRETTIER.

NOT THAT PRETTIER HAS
ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT,

BUT I JUST AM.

YOU KNOW, ROSE, I HAVE
A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

I HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF THE
CHANCE TO RAISE ANOTHER BABY.

WELL, DOROTHY, IF YOU'RE LUCKY

MAYBE SOMEDAY ONE OF
YOUR UNCLES WILL DROP DEAD.

WHAT I MEAN, ROSE, IS THAT IF
YOU DECIDE TO RAISE THIS CHILD,

I THINK I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU.

REALLY?

WAIT A MINUTE, IF YOU BOTH
WANT TO RAISE THIS CHILD,

WHY, I MIGHT EVEN
CONSIDER IT MYSELF.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO BE A MOTHER AGAIN.

BUT I MEANT BY MYSELF.

AS LONG AS YOU ALL ARE
AROUND TO CHANGE ITS DIAPERS

AND CLEAN UP AFTER IT
WHEN IT SPITS UP AND PEES,

I'D LOVE TO BE A MOTHER AGAIN.

ARE YOU QUITE SURE YOU
REALLY WANNA DO THIS?

OH, LOOK, I KNOW IT'S
GONNA BE A LOT OF WORK,

BUT... OH, IT'D BE WORTH IT

TO HEAR A BABY'S LAUGH
AROUND THE HOUSE.

OH, COME ON, LET'S DO IT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, MA?

WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE?

IF I SAY NO, I'LL BE
BACK AT THE HOME

BUILDING LOG CABINS
OUT OF POPSICLE STICKS.

THEN IT'S SETTLED.
I'LL CALL THE LAWYER

AND TELL HIM TO BRING THE BABY.

DID HE SAY IF IT'S
A BOY OR A GIRL?

HE DIDN'T SAY, BUT IT
MUST BE ONE OR THE OTHER.

YOU BEEN WATCHING
PBS AGAIN, ROSE?

DOROTHY?

DOROTHY, I'M GOING
TO MY BEDROOM.

I WANT TO LIE DOWN FOR A WHILE.

MA?

DOROTHY, WHO THE HELL
PARKED A BUICK IN MY BEDROOM?

SOPHIA!

ROSE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN THE BATHROOM?

MA, THIS IS THE KITCHEN.

OH, BOY, IF THIS IS THE KITCHEN,

I'M POACHING AN
EGG IN THE TOILET.

DOROTHY, LOOK AT THIS
OLD PICTURE I FOUND.

THAT'S ME AT 15 STANDING
NEXT TO MY UNCLE HINGEBLOTTER.

WHO'S THE OTHER GUY?

THAT'S MY UNCLE'S
HALF-BROTHER: INKEBLOTTER.

OH, GIRLS, WE
HAVE A BIG PROBLEM.

WHAT IS IT, BLANCHE?

- WELL, WE'RE ALL WOMEN.
- NO.

- SURE WE ARE, DOROTHY.
- OH, SHUT UP.

I'M READING THE SPOCK
BOOK ON BABY CARE

AND HE SAYS IT'S IMPORTANT
FOR A YOUNG CHILD

TO HAVE A MALE ROLE MODEL
AROUND DURING ITS FORMATIVE YEARS.

- WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
- WE'LL ALL WEAR YANKEE CAPS

AND SCRATCH OUR
BEHINDS AFTER EVERY BEER.

OH, BLANCHE, WE DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

IF WE GIVE THAT BABY LOVE AND
ATTENTION AND UNDERSTANDING,

IT'LL TURN OUT FINE.

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

BESIDES, WHAT DOES SPOCK
KNOW ABOUT RAISING BABIES?

ON VULCAN, ALL THE
KIDS ARE BORN IN PODS.

ROSE, I KNOW THIS
IS A LONG SHOT,

BUT, UH, DID YOU TAKE
MUCH ACID DURING THE '60S?

- IS, UH, ROSE NYLUND HERE?
- I'M ROSE NYLUND.

WELL, I'M CHESTER T. MCRAINEY,

LEGAL COUNSEL TO YOUR
LATE UNCLE HINGEBLOTTER.

OH, WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR
YOU. DID YOU BRING THE BABY?

- I BROUGHT HIM.
- HIM, DID YOU HEAR THAT, GIRLS?

DOES HE LOOK ANYTHING LIKE ME?

UH, WELL, UH, JUDGE
FOR YOURSELF.

COME ON, BABY. COME ON, BABY.

WELL, UH, MAYBE JUST A
LITTLE AROUND THE EYES.

WHAT IN HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

THIS IS BABY.

FIVE-TIME BLUE RIBBON WINNER
AT THE MINNESOTA STATE FAIR.

THIS SWEET LITTLE THING WAS
YOUR UNCLE'S PRIDE AND JOY.

OH, MY GOD. THAT'S THE
CUTEST BABY I'VE EVER SEEN.

MA, IT'S A PIG!

YOU WERE NO GREAT LOOKER
WHEN I BROUGHT YOU HOME

FROM THE HOSPITAL.

I LOVED YOU ANYWAY.

WELL, HE SURE IS
CUTE. COME HERE, BABY.

OH, I HAVEN'T HAD A PIG AS A
PET SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

JUST FORGET THAT, ROSE.

I WANT THAT FILTHY BEAST
OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW.

FINE, YOUR COUSIN, GUNTHER,
WILL BE HAPPY TO TAKE BABY,

AS WELL AS THE $100,000
THAT COMES ALONG WITH HIM.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

UNCLE HINGEBLOTTER
WAS A VERY RICH MAN.

AND HE LOVED THIS PIG DEARLY.

THAT'S WHY HE LEFT YOU $100,000

TO MAKE SURE BABY WOULD
BE WELL TAKEN CARE OF.

WELL, I'D TAKE CARE
OF HIM FOR FREE.

OH, SHUT UP, ROSE.

HOW LONG DOES ROSE HAVE
TO TAKE CARE OF THIS PIG

BEFORE SHE GETS THE MONEY?

WELL, AS LONG AS HE LIVES.

OH, FORGET IT.

OH, I'D SPLIT THE
MONEY WITH YOU, GIRLS.

FORGET IT.

- HOW LONG DOES A PIG LIVE?
- ABOUT 25 YEARS.

FORGET IT.

HOW OLD IS THIS PIG?

29.

WELCOME, BABY!

HI, DOROTHY.

HI, MA.

DOROTHY, HOW DO YOU
MAKE YOUR VOICE DO THAT?

HERE, HONEY, I PICKED
UP YOUR NEW GLASSES.

OH, THANK GOD, NOW I CAN SEE.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
THESE ARE NO GOOD.

- THE WRONG PRESCRIPTION?
- THE WRONG FRAMES.

I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR
OLD LADY SMOKY GREEN.

THESE ARE BLACK. I
LOOK LIKE BUDDY HOLLY.

THERE YOU ARE. YOU GET IN
THE KITCHEN AND EAT YOUR SLOP

BEFORE I SPANK THAT
LITTLE PINK FANNY.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING. I'M GOING.

OH, THAT'S THE WAY THEY USED TO
CALL US FOR DINNER AT THE HOME.

GO ON, BABY, GO ON. GO ON.

ROSE, I THOUGHT WE
DECIDED THAT THAT PIG

WAS GONNA STAY
IN THE PEN OUT BACK.

HE DIDN'T LIKE IT THERE.
IT WAS TOO CONFINING.

OH, BUT BABY'S A FREE
SPIRIT. A WANDERER. A REBEL.

YOU KNOW, IN A LOT OF WAYS
HE REMINDS ME OF JIMMY DEAN.

THE ACTOR OR THE SAUSAGE?

YOU KNOW, DOROTHY,
I WAS THINKING,

HOW WONDERFUL IT IS
TO HAVE A PIG LIVING HERE.

THIS MORNING I WAS ALL
SNUGLY WARM UNDER THE COVERS

AND I OPENED MY EYES
AND THERE WAS BABY,

FAST ASLEEP AT THE
FOOT OF THE BED,

LIKE A SWEET ANGEL.

THAT IS SWEET.

ROSE, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK
IT'LL BE BEFORE THE PIG IS DEAD?

DID BABY DO SOMETHING WRONG?

NO, NO. NOT UNLESS YOU COUNT
THE FACT THAT WHEN HE BURPS,

IT SMELLS LIKE
FOUR BURNING TIRES.

GIRLS, I'M JUST SO MAD.

THAT PIG TORE UP MY
NIGHTGOWN LAST NIGHT.

THE PEOPLE YOU DATE ARE
FROM FOREIGN COUNTRIES.

THEY PLAY BY DIFFERENT RULES.

OH, I'M TALKING ABOUT BABY.

I NEVER SHOULD'VE LET THAT BARNYARD
BEAST IN MY HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

HE RUINS MY CLOTHES,
SMELLS UP THE WHOLE HOUSE,

AND HE LIKES TO WATCH
ME TAKE A SHOWER.

HE'S A PIG. THERE'S NO
ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE.

I DIDN'T REALIZE BABY WAS
SUCH AN INCONVENIENCE.

I'M SORRY.

I'LL CALL MY RELATIVES

AND SEE IF SOMEBODY
CAN TAKE HIM OFF MY HANDS.

HIM, AND THE $100,000.

REMEMBER, BLANCHE, THE
PIG IS GONNA DROP ANY DAY.

ROSE.

COME BACK HERE, HONEY.

I GUESS MAYBE I WAS
A LITTLE BIT TOO HASTY.

BABY ISN'T REALLY ALL
THAT MUCH TROUBLE.

HECK, THIS IS AN OLD NIGHTGOWN,
AND, WELL, HE IS KIND OF CUTE.

HE'S NOT THE FIRST PIG
TO WATCH YOU SHOWER

AND THAT'S MY LAST
PIG JOKE, I SWEAR IT.

THEN IT'S ALL
RIGHT? HE CAN STAY?

WELL, OF COURSE HE CAN, HONEY.

OH, THAT'S GREAT. I'LL GO
TELL HIM THE GOOD NEWS.

OH, LISTEN, I WON'T BE ABLE
TO GET OFF WORK TOMORROW.

CAN SOMEBODY ELSE
GIVE BABY HIS LUNCH?

DON'T LOOK AT ME. I WON'T DO IT.

WHY NOT?

WHAT YOU'RE DOING
IS MAKING ME SICK.

DEGRADING YOURSELF BY
LIVING WITH A FILTHY ANIMAL.

AND FOR WHAT? MONEY.

IT'S HUMILIATING. I DON'T
WANT ANY PART OF IT.

- WHAT IF WE CUT YOU IN?
- WHAT TIME DOES HE EAT?

GIRLS, GIRLS! COME QUICK,
BABY JUST COLLAPSED.

25 GRAND IN TEN SECONDS?

NOW I KNOW HOW
JOHNNY CARSON FEELS.

BABY.

POOR BABY. THIS MORNING
HE WAS SO FULL OF LIFE

AND NOW HE LOOKS JUST TERRIBLE.

ROSE, HONEY, DON'T
TORTURE YOURSELF.

NOW, BABY IS VERY, VERY OLD.

WHENEVER ONE OF GOD'S
CREATURES OUTLIVES

ITS NORMAL LIFE EXPECTANCY,
WHY, IT CAN GO ANY MINUTE.

WOULD YOU MIND NOT LOOKING
AT ME WHEN YOU SAY THAT?

DOES ANYBODY KNOW
WHERE THE THERMOMETER IS?

SURE, IN THE MEDICINE
CABINET. WHY?

I WANNA TAKE BABY'S TEMPERATURE.

ALTHOUGH, I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE
NORMAL TEMPERATURE IS FOR A PIG.

I KNOW A HAM TURNS
OUT NICELY AT 325.

OHHHH.

I'M SORRY, ROSE, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I'M DELIRIOUS WITH GRIEF.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
WITH YOUR SHARE OF THE MONEY?

OH, COME ON, BLANCHE,
THE PIG ISN'T DEAD. HE'S SICK.

I MEAN, THE MONEY NEVER
EVEN CROSSED MY MIND.

THEN WHAT WERE YOU DOING
WITH THESE EF HUTTON BROCHURES?

MA, YOU TOOK THOSE
OUT OF MY PURSE.

NO, NO, THEY FELL OUT
WHEN I WAS TAKING OUT A 20.

WELL, I'M SURE NOT PUTTING MY
MONEY INTO STOCKS AND BONDS.

HEY, THIS IS FOUND
MONEY. THIS IS FUN MONEY.

THIS IS HOT BEACHES
AND SWEATY MEN MONEY.

GETTING NAKED AND ROLLING
AROUND ON THE GROUND MONEY.

EVEN YOUR MONEY
HAS MORE FUN THAN I DO.

BOY, IT'S GREAT BEING RICH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE SPENT SO MUCH
MONEY THAT WE DON'T HAVE YET.

RELAX. WHEN I LOOKED
IN ON BABY THIS MORNING,

HE WAS A HALF HOUR
AWAY FROM SIZZILEAN.

OH! WELL, ROSE
NYLUND, SHAME ON YOU.

WITH A GENTLEMAN CALLER IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON.

OH, HE'S NOT A GENTLEMAN
CALLER. HE'S A VETERINARIAN.

HE WAS HERE TO SEE BABY.

- OH.
- OH.

UH, HOW IS BABY, DOC?

I READ IN NEWSWEEK
THEY RAN HIM OUT OF HAITI.

HOW IS BABY?

NOT VERY WELL, I'M AFRAID.

I DON'T THINK HE
HAS MUCH TIME LEFT.

- OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
- TRAGIC.

- TERRIBLE.
- BUT THERE'S HOPE!

WHAT?

THERE'S REALLY NOTHING
WRONG WITH BABY, PHYSICALLY.

HE HAS A MENTAL PROBLEM.

FOUR GROWN WOMEN
DECIDE TO LIVE WITH A PIG,

AND HE'S THE ONE WITH
THE MENTAL PROBLEM?

WELL, I WOULDN'T EXACTLY
CALL IT A MENTAL PROBLEM.

THE FACT IS, WHEN
YOU TAKE AN ANIMAL

OUT OF ITS NATURAL ENVIRONMENT,

IT'S NOT UNCOMMON FOR IT
TO HAVE A HARD TIME ADJUSTING

TO NEW SURROUNDINGS.

ARE YOU TRYING TO
TELL US THAT THAT PIG

- IS DYING OF HOMESICKNESS?
- IN A WAY, YES.

MY RECOMMENDATION IS TO
GET HIM BACK TO THE FARM.

ONCE HE'S HOME, HE
SHOULD DO A LOT BETTER.

- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- THANK YOU.

OH, I GUESS WE HAVE NO CHOICE.

I'LL CALL MY RELATIVES
IN MINNESOTA

AND MAKE ARRANGEMENTS
TO SEND BABY TO THE FARM.

NO!

I'M JUST AS
DISAPPOINTED AS YOU ARE!

OH, IT'S BEEN GREAT HAVING
A PIG LIVING IN THE HOUSE.

BUT WE CAN'T JEOPARDIZE BABY'S
HEALTH, THE DOCTOR SAID SO.

PLEASE, WHAT DOES HE
KNOW? HE'S NOT A REAL DOCTOR.

HE MAKES HIS LIVING STICKING
THERMOMETERS UP A CAT'S BEHIND.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, HE
SEEMED PRETTY SURE.

HONEY, DOCTORS CAN
MAKE MISTAKES, TOO.

I STILL THINK WE OUGHT
TO SEND BABY HOME.

ROSE, DO YOU REALIZE
HOW FAR AWAY HOME IS?

BABY IS SICK. WHY, THE PLANE
TRIP ALONE COULD KILL HIM.

EVEN IF HE DID GET HOME SAFELY,

WHO KNOWS WHAT
KIND OF CARE HE'D GET?

NOBODY LOVES THAT
PIG AS MUCH AS YOU DO.

AS MUCH AS WE ALL DO.

IF YOU ALL THINK IT'S BEST,
I GUESS HE SHOULD STAY.

OH, THANK YOU FOR
CARING SO MUCH.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
POOR, SICK, HELPLESS PIG IN THERE

APPRECIATES WHAT
YOU'RE DOING, TOO.

I'M GONNA LOOK IN ON BABY.

YOU'RE THE BEST FRIENDS
I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.

I FEEL TERRIBLE.

I FEEL MISERABLE.

LET'S GO SHOPPING.

HI, DOROTHY.

OH, BLANCHE, BLANCHE.

I AM SO GLAD YOU CAME BACK.

- LISTEN, I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU.
- I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU, TOO.

AND IT'S ABOUT THE MONEY.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I
WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

I HAVE BEEN SO WORRIED.

I THINK THE WAY WE'VE BEEN
SPENDING THIS MONEY IS WRONG.

BLANCHE, I COULD NOT
AGREE WITH YOU MORE.

HONEY, I'VE BEEN UP
HALF THE NIGHT WORRYING

ABOUT HOW FOOLISH WE'VE
BEEN, SPENDING ALL THAT MONEY

ON SILLY LITTLE THINGS
THAT WE DON'T NEED.

I AM SO RELIEVED.

OH, I JUST KNEW YOU WOULD AGREE

THAT COMBINING OUR MONEY TO
BUY ONE BIG THING WAS THE BEST IDEA.

I JUST HOPE YOU
LIKE IT IN LIGHT BLUE.

LIKE WHAT IN LIGHT BLUE?

WE'LL BE RIGHT OUT, SOPHIA.

- BLANCHE, THAT'S A MERCEDES.
- I KNOW IT.

DON'T YOU JUST
LOVE IT? IT'S OURS.

BLANCHE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I WANTED TO GIVE UP THE
MONEY AND SEND BABY HOME.

NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

WE LIED TO ROSE.

WE TRICKED HER INTO
JEOPARDIZING THE LIFE OF AN ANIMAL,

JUST TO MAKE A FAST BUCK.

WE HAVE TO TELL HER THE TRUTH.

DOROTHY, I CANNOT
LET YOU DO THIS.

BLANCHE, GET OUT OF MY WAY.

I WANT THAT CAR, DOROTHY.
I WILL GIVE YOU ANYTHING.

BLANCHE! WE HAVE TO
TELL ROSE THE TRUTH.

I'LL GIVE YOU ONE OF MY SONS.

I HAVE GIVEN THIS
A LOT OF THOUGHT.

I HAVE HAD FOUR KIDS, I
HAVE NEVER HAD A MERCEDES.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT?

BIFF, DOUG, SKIPPY? NO, DON'T
TAKE SKIPPY, HE'S GOT ASTHMA.

BLANCHE, THIS HAS
GONE FAR ENOUGH.

ROSE? HONEY, I
WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

NOW DON'T BOTHER
ROSE. SHE'S BUSY.

OH, IT'S OKAY.

I WAS JUST THUMBING
THROUGH THE OLD FAMILY ALBUM.

HERE'S A PICTURE OF BABY
WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER.

WASN'T HE AN IMPRESSIVE SIGHT?

OH, YES, ROSE.

BUT THEN AGAIN, WHO ISN'T WHEN
HE'S CAUGHT RELIEVING HIMSELF

AND EATING DINNER
AT THE SAME TIME?

WELL, I THINK BABY LOOKS
A WHOLE LOT BETTER TODAY.

A PIG ISN'T SUPPOSED
TO BE GREEN, BLANCHE.

OH!

ROSE, I HAVE A
CONFESSION TO MAKE.

WHEN I SAID THAT I THOUGHT BABY
SHOULDN'T GO BACK TO THE FARM,

I WASN'T THINKING OF HIM.
I WAS THINKING OF MYSELF.

I WAS ACTING OUT OF
GREED. I WANTED THE MONEY.

DOROTHY, I AM SHOCKED!

OH, SO AM I! I CAN'T
BELIEVE YOU LIED TO ME.

WELL, NOW DON'T BE
TOO HARD ON HER, ROSE.

SHE MAY HAVE BEEN DOING
IT FOR THE WRONG REASON,

AT LEAST THE DECISION WAS RIGHT
BECAUSE BABY IS BETTER OFF HERE.

WHY YA'LL LOOKING AT
ME LIKE I'M A MURDERER?

I TELL YOU, THIS PIG IS DYING
BECAUSE HE'S OLD AND SICK.

NOW I REFUSE TO EVEN
ENTERTAIN THE NOTION

THAT HE'S SLIPPING AWAY
BECAUSE HE'S HOMESICK

FOR THIS GODFORSAKEN PLACE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HE RECOGNIZES THE PICTURE
OF UNCLE HINKBLOTTER'S FARM.

OH, MY GOD! HE IS HOMESICK.

I'M A MURDERER.

I'M NOTHING BUT NO-GOOD
MONEY-GRUBBING TRASH.

BABY, FORGIVE ME.

BLANCHE, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF.

ROSE, I APOLOGIZE.

ROSE, SO DO I.

OH, ROSE, CAN YOU
EVER FORGIVE US?

ROSE.

- I DON'T KNOW.
- OH, HONEY, PLEASE.

WE'RE REALLY SORRY.

WELL, I MIGHT FORGIVE YOU,
BUT I CAN'T SPEAK FOR BABY.

IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN
DO TO SMOOTH THINGS OVER?

WELL...

A KISS ON THE NOSE
MIGHT BE A NICE GESTURE.

OH, I NEVER CAN STAY
MAD AT YOU SILLY GOOSES.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, MA, BABY'S GOING HOME.

MAY HE REST IN PEACE.

MA, BABY ISN'T DEAD.

WE'VE DECIDED TO SEND
HIM BACK TO THE FARM

AND GIVE UP THE MONEY.

WAIT A MINUTE.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

WE LIVED WITH A
FILTHY PIG IN OUR HOUSE,

BOUGHT A BUNCH OF STUFF
ON CREDIT WE CAN'T AFFORD,

AND NOW WE'RE GONNA
KISS OFF 100,000 BUCKS

BECAUSE THE PIG IS HOMESICK?

THAT'S RIGHT.

SOMETIMES LIFE REALLY
BITES THE BIG ONE.

HI, SOPHIA.

WELL, I SEE YOU FINALLY
GOT YOUR NEW GLASSES.

YEAH, I ALSO GOT THESE...

TO BEG FOR SPARE
CHANGE ON THE CORNER.

THAT IS ENOUGH! NOW LOOK, WE
HAVE TO STOP THIS MOPING AROUND.

SO WE DON'T HAVE
THE MONEY ANYMORE.

I MEAN, WE STILL HAVE A GREAT
DEAL TO BE THANKFUL FOR.

WE LIVE IN A LOVELY HOME, WE
HAVE OUR HEALTH AND EACH OTHER.

I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.
WHEN WE HAD MONEY,

WE DID CRAZY, RIDICULOUS THINGS.

TO BE HONEST,
I'M GLAD IT'S GONE.

GIRLS, MY COUSIN WHO TOOK
BABY JUST SENT US A LETTER.

PLEASE LET THERE BE CASH IN IT!

I CAN'T STAND BEING
POOR ANOTHER DAY.

OH, I'M SORRY.

"DEAR ROSE.

JUST WANTED TO LET YOU
KNOW BABY ARRIVED SAFELY.

HE WAS REALLY HAPPY
TO BE BACK ON THE FARM.

HIS LAST 36 HOURS ON
THIS GOOD EARTH WERE..."

WHAT? WHAT?

BABY DIED.

POOR BABY.

POOR BABY!

WELL, I GUESS HE WASN'T
HOMESICK AFTER ALL.

JUST OLD.

AND FOR THIS I FOUGHT MY
WAY BACK FROM A STROKE?

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.

IF HE HAD STAYED HERE
ANOTHER LOUSY DAY AND A HALF,

WE'D BE RICH!

WHAT WAS THAT?

OH, NO!

OH, THEY'VE COME TO
TOW AWAY OUR MERCEDES.

OH, NOW I AM REALLY DEPRESSED.

I NEVER EVEN GOT A
CHANCE TO RIDE IN IT.

BOY, WHAT A GREAT IDEA.

ISN'T IT LUXURIOUS?

AND THE ENGINE'S SO QUIET.

THERE'S ALICE FEINBAUM.
LOOK AT HER, GREEN WITH ENVY.

EAT YOUR HEART OUT, FEINBAUM!