The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 3, Episode 13 - The Artist - full transcript

Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy find themselves vying for the attention of the same artist, while Sophia takes up practical joking.

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND

♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN

♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE



♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE

♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY

♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW

♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME

♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪

WELL, HI, MA. HOW WAS BINGO?

JUDGE FOR YOURSELF.

MA, YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY CLOTHES ON.

TELL ME ABOUT IT. I JUST
WALKED TEN BLOCKS.

I GOT A BELLY BUTTON
FULL OF TWEED.

MA, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?



IN THE MIDDLE OF BINGO,
MURRAY HAZELTINE SITS DOWN.

HE'S THE BIG PRACTICAL
JOKER AT THE CENTER.

BELIEVE ME, HOWIE
MANDEL IS FUNNIER.

ANYWAY, HE TELLS ME TO SNIFF
HIS CARNATION FOR GOOD LUCK.

- I TAKE ONE WHIFF, AND BINGO.
- HE SQUIRTED YOUR DRESS
WITH INK.

ACTUALLY, IT WAS DEL
MONTE PRUNE JUICE.

IT'S FREE AT THE
CENTER. IT'S A COME-ON.

THEY MAKE THEIR REAL MONEY ON
THE POWDERED TOILET SEAT RENTALS.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CLOTHES?

MURRAY TOOK THEM
TO HAVE THEM CLEANED.

DOROTHY, I STILL CAN'T
BELIEVE IT HAPPENED.

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HUMILIATED.

THERE'S NO REASON FOR
YOU TO BE EMBARRASSED.

HE PLAYS TRICKS ON EVERYBODY.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
ON MY WAY HOME.

MY BELT CAME LOOSE IN
FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE.

NOBODY WHISTLED, AND
TWO GUYS WENT HOME SICK.

- HI, GIRLS.
- OH, HI, ROSE.

SOPHIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH
THAT HEAVY COAT ON INSIDE THE HOUSE?

YOU TELL ME, ROSE.

MA!

DOROTHY, WAS SOPHIA
NAKED JUST NOW,

OR DOES HER DRESS
REALLY NEED IRONING?

HELLO, GIRLS. DOROTHY,
ROSE, YOU REMEMBER LASZLO.

OF COURSE. LASZLO, THE
ARTIST FROM YOUR MUSEUM.

OH, WE REALLY ENJOYED YOUR
LECTURE ON MODERN SCULPTURE.

I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE
WAS PAYING ATTENTION.

OH, WE SURE WERE.
ESPECIALLY DOROTHY.

SHE EVEN TALKED ABOUT
TAKING UP SCULPTING.

- REALLY?
- OH, NO, I DIDN'T.

YES, YOU DID.

YOU SAID YOU'D LIKE TO HELP HIM MOLD
HIS CLAY OR BUFF HIS MARBLE ANYTIME.

ROSE, YOU'RE SUCH A KIDDER.

WON'T YOU SIT DOWN.

HE IS GORGEOUS, ISN'T HE, GIRLS?

THERE'S NOT A WOMAN AT THE
MUSEUM WHO HASN'T BEEN AFTER HIM.

WOMEN CAN BE SO SILLY.

THEY THINK BECAUSE YOU'RE AN
ARTIST, YOU MUST BE A GREAT LOVER.

BECAUSE YOU'RE A
MASTER IN THE STUDIO,

YOU MUST BE A MASTER
IN THE BEDROOM.

THEY THINK BECAUSE YOU CAN WORK A PIECE
OF CLAY INTO A PIECE OF BEAUTIFUL ART,

YOU CAN ALSO WORK A WOMAN'S
BODY INTO FITS OF ECSTASY AND PASSION

AND TOTAL SCREAMING ABANDON.

WOULD ANYBODY ELSE LIKE
SOMETHING COLD TO DRINK?

- I WOULD.
- I WOULD.

BLANCHE, I REALLY
SHOULD BE GOING.

THANK YOU AGAIN
FOR THE RIDE HOME.

IT WAS MY PLEASURE.

GOOD-BYE, BLANCHE.

GOOD-BYE, DOROTHY.

GOOD-BYE, ROSE.

GOOD-BYE, BLANCHE AGAIN.

IT WAS MY PLEASURE,
LADIES. GOOD-BYE.

LASZLO, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

INDEED.

THAT SURE SOUNDED AS IF YOU
AND LASZLO HAVE SOMETHING GOING.

MAYBE.

YOU'RE NOT TELLING US?

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
YOU TWISTED MY ARM.

GIRLS, LASZLO'S ASKED ME TO
POSE FOR ONE OF HIS SCULPTURES.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.
- NO, I'M NOT. LOOK HERE.

HE GAVE ME THE
KEY TO HIS BUILDING.

I HAVE MY FIRST
SESSION TOMORROW.

WOW!

HE'S ALWAYS WANTED TO DO A PIECE

ON THE MATURE WOMAN, AND
HE THINKS I'M PERFECT FOR IT.

AND THE BEST PART IS,

HE'S GONNA HAVE IT
DISPLAYED AT HIS BIG SHOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ACTUALLY
GOING THROUGH WITH THIS.

OF COURSE I AM, ROSE.

LASZLO IS A
WORLD-FAMOUS SCULPTOR.

THIS IS MY OPPORTUNITY TO
BE IMMORTALIZED FOREVER

IN A CLASSIC WORK OF ART.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID

WHEN THAT SHOE SALESMAN
TOOK POLAROIDS OF HER

IN THE BACKSEAT OF HIS VOLARE.

- GOOD MORNING, MA.
- GOOD MORNING, PUSSYCAT.

I POURED YOU A GLASS
OF ORANGE JUICE.

THANK YOU. IT WAS
VERY NICE OF YOU.

MA! IS THIS A DRIBBLE GLASS?

YEAH. IT WORKS BETTER WHEN ALL THAT
PULP DOESN'T CLOG UP THE DRIBBLE HOLE.

WHY DID YOU DO THIS?

MURRAY HAZELTINE. HE WON'T
QUIT WITH THE PRACTICAL JOKES.

I'M GONNA GIVE HIM A
TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE.

DO I LOOK LIKE MURRAY HAZELTINE?

A LITTLE AROUND THE EYEBROWS.
BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

I'VE GOT TO HAVE THE PERFECT
GAG BEFORE I SPRING IT ON HIM.

AW, I'M SORRY, PUSSYCAT.

NO HARD FEELINGS?

OH, OKAY, MA. NO HARD FEELINGS.

- [BUZZ]
- AH!

YOU KNOW, I COULD
REALLY GET TIRED OF THIS.

GOOD MORNING, GIRLS.
DOROTHY, YOU'RE A MESS.

I JUST SPILLED ORANGE
JUICE ON MYSELF.

OH, REALLY? I
DIDN'T NOTICE THAT.

POUR BLANCHE SOME
ORANGE JUICE, MA.

YEAH, I COULD USE THAT. I MIGHT
BE COMING DOWN WITH A COLD.

DOESN'T COME AS A SURPRISE. YOU'VE
SPENT EVERY AFTERNOON THIS WEEK

STANDING STARK NAKED
IN A COLD, WINDY STUDIO.

OH, I DIDN'T CATCH COLD AT
LASZLO'S STUDIO, DOROTHY.

LASZLO KEEPS ME
TOO WARM FOR THAT.

TOO WARM AND TOO TINGLY.

TOO WARM AND TOO
TINGLY AND TOO HOT.

WELL, HAVE SOME
JUICE ANYWAY, BLANCHE.

I'D FEEL BETTER.

NOT THAT WE
ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING.

IN THE STUDIO.

LASZLO'S BEEN A PERFECT
GENTLEMAN SO FAR.

I JUST STAND THERE
IN FRONT OF HIM

IN ALL MY LUSCIOUS NAKEDNESS,

AND SOMEHOW HE MANAGES
TO SUPPRESS THE URGE

TO THROW ME ON THE
FLOOR AND RAVAGE ME.

IF HE THROWS YOU ON THE FLOOR, YOU'LL
BOTH END UP IN THE APARTMENT BELOW.

DRINK UP, BLANCHE.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

THAT MUST BE HIM NOW.

I JUST HAVE TO GET MY JACKET. WE'RE
DRIVING TO THE MUSEUM TOGETHER.

COMING, LASZLO.

HI, LASZLO. COME IN. BLANCHE
WENT TO GET HER JACKET.

THANK YOU, ROSE.

WE ARE SO EXCITED ABOUT
WHAT YOU TWO ARE DOING.

- IT'S GONNA TURN OUT GREAT.
- I WISH I WAS SO SURE.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- I'M HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS.

ABOUT WHAT?

WHEN I MET BLANCHE, I THOUGHT
SHE WOULD BE THE PERFECT MODEL.

YOU KNOW, SEXY, SASSY, EXCITING.

BUT NOW I'M THINKING THERE ARE
OTHER QUALITIES I WISH TO CAPTURE.

- LIKE WHAT?
- INNOCENCE.

WHOLESOMENESS. NAIVETÉ.

I SEE A WOMAN WITH A FULLER
FIGURE, WIDER HIPS, WIDER EYES.

ROSE.

LASZLO.

ROSE, I HAVE TO
ASK YOU SOMETHING.

I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

YOU'RE GONNA ASK
ME TO POSE FOR YOU.

- NO, I'M NOT.
- OH.

OH. I'M SO EMBARRASSED.

THAT'S IT. THAT'S EXACTLY
THE QUALITY I WANT TO CAPTURE.

OH, TAKE MY KEY, ROSE.
COME TO MY STUDIO.

WE WILL MAKE A BEAUTIFUL
SCULPTURE TOGETHER.

- WHAT ABOUT BLANCHE?
- I WILL STILL SEE HER.

SHE DOESN'T HAVE
TO KNOW ABOUT YOU.

- TOMORROW MORNING AT 10:00?
- THAT SEEMS SO DISHONEST.

BLANCHE IS A DEAR FRIEND.
IT WOULD BE A BETRAYAL.

HERE I AM, LASZLO. DID
ROSE KEEP YOU ENTERTAINED?

YES. I FIND HER CHARMING.

OH, LASZLO. THAT'S
WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU.

YOU CAN TELL A BALD-FACED
LIE AND STILL SOUND SINCERE.

I FORGOT MY
COMPACT. I'LL BE BACK.

GIVE ME THAT KEY.

OH, DOROTHY, I'M
GLAD YOU'RE HOME.

I WAS UPSTAIRS POKING
AROUND THE ATTIC,

AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND.

YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S ANTIQUE
KALEIDOSCOPE. HERE. TAKE A LOOK.

MA, YOU MUST REALLY
THINK I'M STUPID.

WHAT, WE DON'T HAVE AN ATTIC?

I AM NOT FALLING FOR THIS.

IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF
YOUR PRACTICAL JOKES.

IF I LOOK THROUGH THAT, I'LL
GET CHARCOAL AROUND MY EYE.

ALL RIGHT, DOROTHY. FINE.

WHY DON'T WE CALL A TRUCE WITH
A NICE PIECE OF PEANUT BRITTLE?

COME ON, MA.

THE PEANUT BRITTLE
IS AN EVEN OLDER GAG

THAN THE KALEIDOSCOPE.

I'LL OPEN THE CAN,
SNAKES WILL COME OUT.

HONEY, I AM TOO SMART FOR YOU.

I AM NOT FALLING FOR ANY
MORE OF YOUR PRACTICAL JOKES.

[AIR EXPELLING]

EXCEPT FOR THIS WHOOPEE CUSHION.

YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY.

I STILL DO NOT BELIEVE IT,
AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.

- WHAT, BLANCHE?
- I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.

- HI, BLANCHE.
- OH, I AM SO MAD.

BLANCHE, I CAN EXPLAIN.

IT'S GOT NOTHING TO
DO WITH YOU. IT'S LASZLO.

I SAW SOME OF THE SKETCHES
HE'S BEEN DOING OF ME.

HE NEVER LETS ME SEE
THEM. SO TODAY I FOUND SOME.

THEY'RE HORRIBLE.

MY HAIR'S ALL BIG AND FRIZZY.
THE BODY'S ALL DROOPY AND SAGGY.

THE WOMAN IN THOSE
SKETCHES IS A DOG.

- BLANCHE.
- SHE'S A CLOWN.

- BLANCHE.
- SHE'S JUST A...

HIDEOUS, WRINKLED, OLD BAG.

BLANCHE, THE WOMAN
IN THOSE SKETCHES IS ME.

I KNOW SHE SOUNDS LIKE
YOU, HONEY, BUT SHE'S NOT.

YES, SHE IS. LOOK.

I WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT
THIS ALL WEEK, BUT I COULDN'T.

I'VE BEEN POSING
FOR LASZLO, TOO.

DEAR LORD, STRIKE ME
DEAD RIGHT HERE AND NOW

IF THAT MAN PREFERS
ROSE NYLUND OVER ME.

BLANCHE, YOU CAN'T
TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

LASZLO JUST DECIDED HE WANTED
SOMEONE WITH MORE INNOCENCE.

WITH MORE CELLULITE
IS MORE LIKE IT.

- TAKE THAT BACK.
- I WILL NOT.

- YES, YOU WILL.
- I WILL NOT.

GIRLS, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

- ROSE STABBING ME IN THE BACK.
- I DID NOT.

- SHE'S BEEN POSING FOR LASZLO.
- HE ASKED ME TO.

I DON'T KNOW WHY. HE CAN GO TO
SEA WORLD TO SEE A NAKED WHALE.

OR TO YOUR BATHTUB.

OH.

OH, THAT DOES IT, MISSY.
ALL RIGHT, THIS MEANS WAR.

WE'LL BOTH KEEP GOING.
WE'LL SEE WHO HE PICKS.

- IT'S GONNA BE ME.
- IT'S GONNA BE ME.

- GIRLS, I CAN SETTLE THIS.
- TELL HER WHO IT'S GONNA BE.

IT'S GOING TO BE ME.

YOU, TOO?

HE ASKED ME LAST THURSDAY.

WELL, I AM STUNNED.

I'M RELIEVED.

RELIEVED?

SURE. THE WOMAN YOU SAW
IN THOSE HORRIBLE DRAWINGS

MUST HAVE BEEN DOROTHY.

THIS HAS GOT TO BE ONE OF
THE WORST DAYS IN MY LIFE.

TWO OF MY BEST FRIENDS
JUST STABBED ME IN THE BACK.

DID YOU REALLY EXPECT
US TO TURN LASZLO DOWN?

YOU SAID YOURSELF
IT WAS A CHANCE

TO BECOME "IMMORTALIZED
IN A CLASSIC WORK OF ART."

HORSE PUCKY. YOU WENT FOR
THE SAME REASON ROSE WENT:

TO GET YOUR HANDS ON MY MAN.

WHAT EXACTLY MAKES
YOU THINK HE'S YOUR MAN?

- WHO?
- MAYBE THAT I FOUND HIM FIRST.

- WHO?
- HE DUMPED YOU FOR ME.

WHO?

- LASZLO, MA.
- WHO'S LASZLO?

A HUNGARIAN ARTIST WE'VE
ALL BEEN POSING NUDE FOR.

IN THE FUTURE, A SIMPLE "NONE OF
YOUR BUSINESS, SOPHIA" WILL SUFFICE.

TELL ME HONESTLY, BLANCHE.

DO YOU HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE
LASZLO MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN YOU?

WELL, JUST THE FACT THAT
ON NUMEROUS OCCASIONS

HE HAS REFERRED TO ME AS HIS "GREATEST
ARTISTIC INSPIRATION EVER, BAR NONE."

- ME, TOO.
- ME, TOO.

OH, LET'S FACE IT, GIRLS.

WE HAVE NO IDEA WHICH ONE
OF US LASZLO WANTS TO USE.

I THINK IT'S OBVIOUS, DOROTHY.

THE MAN IS AN
ARTIST. HE HAS TASTE.

HE CANNOT HELP
BUT PICK THE WOMAN

WITH THE MOST GRACE,
STYLE, FEMININITY...

[AIR EXPELLING]

I WONDER IF HE KNOWS
WHICH ONE OF US HE WANTS.

HE TOLD ME THAT I HAD SOMETHING
THAT BLANCHE DIDN'T HAVE.

HE PROBABLY TOLD DOROTHY
SHE HAD SOMETHING THAT I DON'T.

MAYBE HE'S BACK TO BLANCHE.

I THINK HE'S BEEN VERY UNFAIR.

WE OUGHT TO STOP GOING.
THEN HE'D HAVE NO SCULPTURE.

- IT WOULD SERVE HIM RIGHT.
- YES, IT WOULD.

LET'S MAKE A PACT.
NONE OF US WILL GO BACK.

WE'LL SEAL IT BY YOU
GIVING ME YOUR KEYS,

AND I'LL KEEP ALL THREE OF
THEM SAFE IN MY HOPE CHEST.

HOW DO WE KNOW THAT YOU AND
YOUR HOPE CHEST WON'T KEEP GOING?

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.

GO TO LASZLO AND MAKE
HIM DECIDE WHO HE WANTS.

- FINE WITH ME.
- FINE WITH ME, TOO.

THEN LET'S GO.

- WHERE'S EVERYBODY GOING?
- WE'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR.

MA, WHY DON'T YOU
SIT RIGHT OVER HERE

AND READ YOUR MAGAZINE, OKAY?

OH. OKAY.

DON'T TRY TO
OUTSMART ME, DOROTHY.

I GOT THE MIND OF A FOX AND THE
BUTT MUSCLES OF BARYSHNIKOV.

[KNOCKING]

COMING.

OH, BLANCHE. HELLO.
COME IN. COME IN.

YOU'VE BROUGHT YOUR
FRIENDS TO SEE MY STUDIO.

WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

LASZLO, WE ALL KNOW.

WE FIGURED IT ALL
OUT THIS AFTERNOON.

SO, I AM CAUGHT AT
LAST. WHAT CAN I SAY?

"BLANCHE AND ROSE, GET
OUT. DOROTHY, IT'S YOU I WANT."

DOROTHY.

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM
IN OVERALLS BEFORE.

LASZLO, WE CAME
OVER FOR YOU TO DECIDE

WHICH ONE OF US YOU
WANT FOR YOUR STATUE.

ROSE...

I KNEW IT. IT'S ME. WALK,
SUCKERS. HE WANTS ME.

ROSE, HE JUST WANTED
TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU.

I WANTED TO SAY THAT I WOULD
RATHER NOT DECIDE AT ALL.

BUT, LASZLO, YOU'VE
GOT TO. IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

OTHERWISE, IT'LL JUST END UP
COMING BETWEEN THE THREE OF US.

WHICH ONE OF US IS IT GONNA BE?

DOROTHY HERE, OR ROSE,

OR A WOMAN WHOSE
BREASTS YOU ONCE DESCRIBED

AS "PERFECT CHAMPAGNE
GLASS-SIZED ORBS

OF DANCING LOVELINESS"?

BLANCHE, I DID NOT SAY THAT.

WELL, YOU AGREED WHEN I SAID IT.

LADIES, LET ME EXPLAIN.

I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE
MADE MY CHOICE LONG AGO,

BUT YOU EACH
INSPIRED ME SO WELL.

I WISH I COULD
CONTINUE SEEING YOU ALL,

BUT I UNDERSTAND WHY
THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

THEREFORE, MY CHOICE
WILL HAVE TO BE...

BEFORE YOU MAKE YOUR CHOICE,

LET ME SAY WHAT A PRIVILEGE
IT HAS BEEN TO WORK WITH A MAN

I CONSIDER TO BE THE GREATEST
HUNGARIAN SCULPTOR OF OUR TIME.

AND LET ME SAY

IF BLANCHE CAN NAME TWO OTHER
HUNGARIAN SCULPTORS OF ANY TIME,

I SHALL EAT THAT STATUE.

WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?
WHO DO YOU CHOOSE?

- NONE OF YOU.
- NONE OF US?

I HAVE ENOUGH SKETCHES OF
EACH OF YOU TO MAKE MY SCULPTURE.

WHEN I'M READY TO BEGIN, I
WILL MAKE MY CHOICE THEN.

WHEN WE WILL FIND OUT?

ONLY WHEN THE WORK
IS UNVEILED AT MY SHOW.

NOW, I APOLOGIZE, BUT
THIS IS HOW I MUST WORK.

NOW, LADIES, I MUST
BID YOU GOOD DAY.

LASZLO, JUST ONE MORE THING.

YOU KNOW THAT FAMOUS
PICASSO PAINTING,

"NUDE WOMAN PLAYING THE VIOLIN"?

- BUT OF COURSE.
- ORIGINALLY IT WAS CALLED

"BLANCHE PLAYING THE VIOLIN."

ONLY IT WASN'T A VIOLIN.

THINK ABOUT THAT
THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE

STANDING AROUND WITH
YOUR CHISEL IN YOUR HAND.

OH! OH, MY GOD, DOROTHY.
THERE IT IS. THE STATUE.

OH, THIS IS SO EXCITING.

I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR
THAT CROWD GASP

WHEN THEY LIFT UP THE
SHEET AND SEE ME THERE.

I'D THINK YOU'D BE USED
TO THAT BY NOW, BLANCHE.

HI, GIRLS. SOME PARTY, ISN'T IT?

WHAT ARE YOU SO CHEERFUL ABOUT?

WHY SHOULDN'T I BE?

FOR STARTERS, ANY MINUTE NOW,

THIS ENTIRE ROOM COULD
BE LOOKING AT A STATUE

OF YOUR NUDE BODY.

NUDE? THE STATUE'S
GONNA BE NUDE?

WHAT DID YOU THINK? HE'D
PUT IT IN A RAIN PONCHO?

OH, MY GOD.

HEY, DOROTHY,
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

TEN GRAND FOR
THIS PIECE OF JUNK.

OH!

OH, MA!

YOU FELL FOR IT.

THIS STUFF KILLS ME.

EXCUSE ME, MA'AM. YOU'LL
HAVE TO COME WITH ME.

YOU JUST SMASHED A
PRICELESS LICHTENFEIN.

OH, NO. I MUST HAVE
MIXED THE TWO UP.

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA
LEARN THAT YOU HAVE TO STOP

WITH THESE RIDICULOUS
PRACTICAL JOKES?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
SHE FELL FOR IT AGAIN.

YOU OUGHT TO HAVE "YUTZ"
TATTOOED ON YOUR FOREHEAD.

HERE YOU GO. YOU
WERE BRILLIANT, HARRY.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I
HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?

THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE
ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

THE UNVEILING OF THE LATEST
MASTERPIECE OF MR. LASZLO GREGORIAN.

SO WITHOUT FURTHER
ADO, OFF WITH THE SHEET.

OH!

OH!

MY GOD, I LOOK GORGEOUS.

YOU? BLANCHE, THAT'S ME.

THE HELL IT IS.

GIRLS, BE SERIOUS.
LOOK AT THOSE EYES.

- LOOK AT THE NOSE.
- LOOK AT THE BUTT.

SOPHIA, YOU CAN'T SEE THE BUTT.

THEN IT SURE CAN'T BE YOU.

- YOU.
- THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO
SETTLE THIS. WHERE IS LASZLO?

- THERE HE IS.
- LASZLO.

LET ME BE THE FIRST TO TELL YOU

WHAT A SIMPLY STUNNING
PIECE OF ART THIS IS.

- THANK YOU, DOROTHY.
- WHO THE HELL IS IT?

IT'S NOT OBVIOUS?

- NOT TO THEM.
- NOT TO THEM.

I SEE I MUST EXPLAIN.

IN THIS STATUE,

I WANT A LOOK OF
STRENGTH AND CHARACTER.

- SO I CHOSE DOROTHY.
- I KNEW IT.

THEN I DROPPED HER.

LIKE SO MANY BEFORE YOU.

I DECIDED I NEEDED MORE
SENSUALITY AND VITALITY.

SO I TURNED TO MY
SKETCHES OF BLANCHE.

- I KNEW IT.
- THEN I PUT THEM AWAY.

I WANTED MORE SOFTNESS,
MORE SWEETNESS.

SO I WENT TO MY
SKETCHES OF ROSE.

- YOU MEAN THAT'S ME
UP THERE?
- NO.

- THEN WHO IS IT?
- IT IS ALL OF YOU.

THE ANSWER FINALLY CAME TO ME.

WHY NOT TAKE THE BEST
FEATURES OF EACH LADY

TO CREATE ONE PERFECT LADY?

THAT IS WHAT YOU SEE.

IT IS NOT HARD TO UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU ARE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.

YOU COMPLEMENT EACH
OTHER VERY WELL INDEED.

OH!

THANK YOU, LASZLO.

ONE MORE THING, LASZLO.

I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.

BY ANY CHANCE, IS THERE
ANYBODY HERE TONIGHT

IN WHOM YOU MIGHT BE
INTERESTED ROMANTICALLY?

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, YES.

I KNEW IT! IT'S ME!

OH, LASZLO. LOOKS
LIKE WE'RE A HIT.

I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW.

HOW CAN YOU BLAME HIM?

THE MAN LOOKED AT THE THREE
OF YOU NAKED FOR A MONTH.

MORNING, MA.

DOROTHY, YOU'LL BE GLAD TO KNOW

MY PRACTICAL JOKING
DAYS ARE OVER.

MA, THAT IS WONDERFUL.

SO SIT DOWN AND
HAVE A GLASS OF JUICE.

OKAY, I WILL.

YOU WOULDN'T BE PLAYING A
JOKE WITH THIS GLASS, WOULD YOU?

- OF COURSE NOT.
- OF COURSE NOT.

BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH FUN
YOU HAVE PLAYING PRACTICAL JOKES.

I TOLD YOU IT'S OVER.
DRINK YOUR JUICE.

OKAY, MA, I WILL.

MA, DID YOU LEAVE SOMETHING
BURNING ON THE STOVE?

WHAT? I DON'T THINK SO.

IT WAS NOTHING.
WELL, BOTTOMS UP.

DON'T EVER CHANGE, PUSSYCAT.