The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 7 - Family Affair - full transcript

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND

♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN

♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE

♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE

♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY

♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW

♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME

♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪

MA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S A FUNNY LITTLE HABIT I
PICKED UP. I CALL IT EATING.



ROSE MADE IT FOR HER DAUGHTER.
YOU CAN'T EAT TILL SHE COMES.

OH, PLEASE, THERE'S ENOUGH FOOD
HERE TO FEED MY ENTIRE VILLAGE IN SICILY.

- BLANCHE!
- HELP ME. OH, MY BACK GAVE OUT.

I FIGURED THAT WOULD
BE THE THIRD THING TO GO.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I WAS IN MY AEROBICS CLASS
WHEN I NOTICED THIS GORGEOUS MAN.

SO, DURING THE BUTTOCKS LIFTS,
HE MOTIONED FOR MY NUMBER.

I DIDN'T WANNA APPEAR EASY, SO I ROLLED
OVER AND FLUNG MY LEGS OVER MY HEAD.

THAT'S WHAT I CALL
GIVING HIM THE BRUSH-OFF.

[DOORBELL]

- HI, MOM.
- MY GOD, IT'S MICHAEL. MICHAEL!

LOOK, MA, IT'S MICHAEL. OH,
HONEY, WHAT A SURPRISE.

YOU LOOK GREAT. I'M GLAD
TO SEE YOU! I'VE MISSED YOU.

WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU
WRITTEN, YOU LITTLE INGRATE?



HE'S A MUSICIAN IN NEW
YORK. HE HASN'T TIME TO WRITE.

- HI, GRANDMA.
- DON'T HI ME.

YOU CAN'T PICK UP A PHONE
AND CALL YOUR GRANDMOTHER?

YOU LOOK TERRIFIC, GRANDMA.

I KNOW. SO GIVE ME A KISS.

I WANT YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND,
BLANCHE. BLANCHE, MICHAEL.

I WOULD GET UP BUT I'VE
THROWN MY BACK OUT OF WHACK...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN.
MOTHER TOLD ME ABOUT YOU.

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY
YOU WERE COMING?

I COULD HAVE COOKED A MEAL.

MY JOB AT THE JAZZ CLUB
ENDED SO I CAME HERE.

- I'M SO GLAD YOU DID.
- YOU PLAY JAZZ?

THE ONLY WHITE BOY FROM
BROOKLYN WHO COULD SCAT.

BUT I THOUGHT THE JOB
WAS TILL THE END OF SUMMER.

WELL, I HAD ARTISTIC
DIFFERENCES WITH THE CLUB OWNER.

PEOPLE PICK ON HIM
BECAUSE HE'S TALENTED.

HE WANTED EVERYONE TO
WEAR A TIE AND I REFUSED.

MICHAEL STANDS UP
FOR HIS PRINCIPLES.

HE'S THE NORMA RAE
OF THE MUSIC BUSINESS.

EVERYBODY, I WANT YOU TO
MEET MY DAUGHTER, BRIGID.

- BRIGID, THIS IS BLANCHE.
- HI.

AND DOROTHY. AND SOPHIA.

AND A TOTAL STRANGER.

THIS IS MY SON, MICHAEL.
HE'S STAYING WITH US.

MA, YOU DON'T HAVE THE SPACE.

DON'T BE SILLY, YOU CAN HAVE MY
ROOM. I'LL CAMP OUT ON THE COUCH.

MICHAEL, IT'S NICE MEETING YOU.
DOROTHY'S TOLD US ABOUT YOU.

- THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, BRIGID.
- HELLO.

BRIGID'S GOING TO STUDY
AT OXFORD, ENGLAND.

I'VE FOUND A TERRIFIC
FLAT ON CAMPUS.

GREAT. I HEAR THE COMMUTE
FROM HERE'S A KILLER.

- PARDON ME?
- IT WAS A JOKE.

- CUTE.
- WHERE DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

COLLEGE ISN'T REALLY MY STYLE.
I ATTEND THE SCHOOL OF LIFE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE GO THERE WHEN THEY
CAN'T GET ACCEPTED ANYWHERE ELSE.

CUTE.

BRIGID, I KNOW YOU'RE HUNGRY
AFTER YOUR TRIP, HONEY.

- I FIXED YOUR FAVORITE THINGS.
- IT LOOKS DELICIOUS.

WAIT. WHERE ARE THE WOODEN
SHOES I CARVED OUT OF CHEESE?

MY MOTHER SPREAD THEM ON THE TINY
WINDMILL YOU BUILT OUT OF TRISCUITS.

THIS IS MY BEST
BREAKFAST IN AGES.

ME, TOO. WHEN WE'RE ALONE, SHE FEEDS
ME LUMPY OATMEAL AND BLACK BANANAS.

- I'LL DO THAT.
- NO, YOU WON'T.

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
- I ENJOY DOING IT.

HERE, WHY NOT DOUBLE YOUR FUN?

- GOOD MORNING.
- HOW'S YOUR BACK?

- TERRIBLE.
- WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY?

THAT I AM THE MOST
SPECTACULAR SPECIMEN OF THE

FEMALE ANATOMY HE'S
SEEN SINCE JULIE NEWMAR.

- HE SAID IT'S A BACK PROBLEM.
- THANK GOD HE'S A SPECIALIST!

HE SAID NO ACTIVITY FOR A WEEK.

I HAVE TO WEAR A CORSET AND
LIE BACK WITH MY LEGS ELEVATED.

THAT'S THE SAME THING
YOU DID LAST SATURDAY.

HONEY, YOU JUST FOLLOW THE DOCTOR'S
ORDERS AND EVERYTHING'LL BE FINE.

I DON'T THINK I CAN GO WITHOUT
PHYSICAL ACTIVITY FOR A WEEK!

I HAVE SERIOUS NEEDS.
I'M AT MY SEXUAL PEAK.

- BLANCHE!
- WELL, I AM, DOROTHY.

- WHEN A WOMAN'S AT HER PEAK...
- THIS IS MY CHILD.

I WISH YOU WOULDN'T
TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. I DON'T
TREAT YOU LIKE ONE. HERE'S $10.

GO TAKE YOUR GRANDMOTHER TO
SEE THE JOURNEY OF NATTY GANN.

SHUT UP AND TAKE THE MONEY!

TO HELL WITH THE MOVIE! WE'LL DOUBLE
OUR MONEY AT THE TRACK, AND GOOF ON BUMS.

- MICHAEL SEEMS LIKE A NICE MAN.
- OH, HE REALLY IS.

BUT I'M WORRIED ABOUT HIM.
HE'S ALWAYS BEEN A LITTLE FLIGHTY.

I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. GRANDMA
ALWAYS SAID I WAS A LITTLE FLIGHTY.

OR WAS IT A LITTLE FLOOZY?

- MORNING, EVERYONE.
- YOU WANT SOME BREAKFAST?

NO. BRIGID PACKED A DELICIOUS
MEAL AND DROVE ME TO THE COUNTRY.

WE TOOK A WALK AND
PICKED WILD FLOWERS.

WE WADED IN THE CREEK
AND THEN GUESS WHAT?

JULIE ANDREWS SHOWED UP, YOU ALL
FED DEER AND SANG, "IF I HAD A HAMMER".

ROSE, SOUNDS LIKE YOU
HAD A LOVELY MORNING.

OH, IT WAS.

BUT IT MADE ME SAD. I REALIZED HOW MUCH
I'LL MISS HER. WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN CLOSE.

I WAS THE SAME WAY WITH MICHAEL.

WAS? I THOUGHT YOU GOT ON GREAT.

IT'S NOT THAT WE DON'T GET ON.
IT'S JUST THAT WE THINK DIFFERENTLY.

I THINK HE SHOULD SETTLE
DOWN AND FIND A JOB.

HE THINKS HE SHOULD BE TRAVELING
OVER THE COUNTRY, TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF.

MAYBE WHAT MICHAEL
NEEDS IS A LITTLE EXPOSURE.

- EXPOSURE TO WHAT?
- TO PLUTONIUM, ROSE.

TO SOMEBODY MORE
CAREER-ORIENTED, SOMEBODY LIKE BRIGID.

MAYBE IF THEY SPENT TIME TOGETHER,
SHE'D BE A POSITIVE INFLUENCE.

ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT
MICHAEL AND BRIGID GO OUT?

THAT IS EXACTLY
WHAT I'M SUGGESTING.

I DON'T THINK SO. I STAY OUT
OF MY CHILDREN'S SOCIAL LIVES.

- I'M AFRAID I AGREE WITH ROSE.
- LIKE THAT SCANDINAVIAN SAYING,

"YOU CAN LEAD A HERRING TO WATER BUT
YOU HAVE TO WALK REALLY FAST OR HE'LL DIE."

ALRIGHT, FINE.

I THOUGHT THEY'D HAVE
MORE FUN TOGETHER INSTEAD

OF HANGING OUT WITH
ME AND THREE OLD LADIES.

I'LL GET CHANGED. BRIGID'S TAKING ME TO
THE HOUSE OF FABRICS FOR THE FELT SALE.

I HOPE I DON'T GET TOO CRAZY.

YOU'D BETTER TAKE A
TRANQUILIZER BEFORE YOU GO.

REMEMBER, LAST TIME, YOU
HYPERVENTILATED AND ALMOST PASSED OUT.

I NEVER PASSED OUT AT
THE HOUSE OF FABRICS.

I PASSED OUT AT
THE WORLD OF WOOL.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY
LIFE, MY BODY FEELS OLD.

I CAN'T DO THE THINGS I USED TO.

RUBBER WOMAN COULDN'T
DO THE THINGS YOU USED TO.

IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT, AS YOU'RE
GROWING OLDER, YOUR BODY CHANGES.

- IT FALLS APART.
- IT DOES NOT FALL APART.

FOR 50 YEARS, I LOOK LIKE CHITA RIVERA. ONE
MORNING, MY BUTT'S LIKE A BULLDOG'S NECK.

I REMEMBER WHEN I FELT I WAS
GETTING OLD. I WAS VISITING MY DAUGHTER.

SHE HAD A WALK-UP
APARTMENT, FIVE FLIGHTS UP.

IT GOT HARDER AND HARDER
EACH YEAR TO CLIMB THOSE STAIRS.

FINALLY, ONE YEAR, I COULDN'T
MAKE IT WITHOUT STOPPING.

IT DEPRESSED ME FOR WEEKS.

OH, MY GOD. IS THAT WHAT I HAVE TO
LOOK FORWARD TO, 15 YEARS FROM NOW?

- ANOTHER GAME?
- I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

- PLAY WITH MICHAEL.
- HE'S NOT HERE.

- WHERE IS HE?
- YOU WERE AT THE MARKET.

THE KIDS DECIDED TO GO OUT.

- MICHAEL ASKED BRIGID OUT?
- NOT EXACTLY, NO.

I JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE SOME
FREE TICKETS TO THE SYMPHONY.

SO I SUGGESTED THEY TAKE 'EM.

BOTH ROSE AND I TOLD YOU NOT TO
INTERFERE WITH THEIR SOCIAL LIVES.

I JUST THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN.

A SET-UP DATE IS NEVER FUN.

IN SICILY, EVERYTHING IS SET
UP. DATES, MARRIAGE, DEATH.

ESPECIALLY DEATH. WHENEVER I GO INTO A
RESTAURANT, I SIT WITH MY BACK TO THE WALL.

EXCEPT ANY DINER IN NEWARK, WHERE
IF YOU'RE AGAINST THE WALL, YOU STICK.

HI, BLANCHE. SHOULDN'T
YOU BE LYING DOWN?

BUT I'M TIRED OF
BEING ON MY BACK.

DID I JUST SAY THAT?

ARE THE KIDS BACK
FROM THEIR DATE?

- OUR KIDS?
- NO, THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS.

OF COURSE OUR KIDS!

WE DECIDED NOT TO INTERFERE.

WE DID, BUT BLANCHE
HERE DECIDED DIFFERENTLY.

OH, BLANCHE, HOW COULD YOU?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT.

- I HEARD 'EM COME IN HOURS AGO.
- I'LL SAY GOOD NIGHT TO BRIGID.

- CAN YOU BRING MY HEATING PAD?
- SURE.

DOROTHY, DO YOU REALIZE IT'S BEEN FOUR DAYS
SINCE I'VE ENJOYED THE COMPANY OF A MAN?

I KNOW, BLANCHE.

I'VE BEEN MARKING THE DAYS OFF ON
MY BIG SHIPS OF THE NAVY CALENDAR.

I CAN'T STAND IT MUCH LONGER.

MY BODY FEELS LIKE A CORVETTE
ON BLOCKS WITH ITS ENGINE RACING

AND THE WHEELS JUST
SPINNING WITH NOWHERE TO GO.

I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA EXPLODE.

DOROTHY, YOU MUST
HELP ME. DO SOMETHING.

HONEY, THERE'S NOTHING I
CAN DO. SO LET GO OF MY HAND.

[ROSE] OH, MY GOD!

HI THERE.

ROSE, DON'T LOOK!

- MICHAEL, GET OUT OF THAT BED!
- BELIEVE ME, MOM, I'D LIKE TO.

BUT AS MY CLOTHES ARE HANGING ON
THE DOORKNOB, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

OH, MY GOD! THEY'RE NAKED!

PEOPLE USUALLY ARE
IN THIS SITUATION, ROSE.

UNLESS THEY'RE ALL
DRESSED UP IN COSTUMES.

SORRY.

WHAT'S ALL THE COMMOTION?

OH, BOY!

GRANDMA, THIS ISN'T
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

I'M 80 YEARS OLD. I
DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT

FEELS LIKE, BUT I REMEMBER
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

- GRANDMA, LISTEN...
- YOU, LISTEN!

HOW DARE YOU COME
HERE AND ACT LIKE A GIGOLO?

YOU'VE EMBARRASSED ME,
YOUR MOTHER, OUR FRIENDS.

NOT TO MENTION THAT POOR,
STUPID, FLAT-CHESTED GIRL.

YOU'VE BROKEN MY HEART. I'M
ASHAMED YOU'RE MY GRANDSON.

LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE. I
HOPE YOU'RE PROUD OF YOURSELF.

BRIGID, I AM SHOCKED
AT YOUR BEHAVIOR.

WHY DOESN'T EVERYBODY
JUST CALM DOWN?

BRIGID AND MICHAEL WENT
OUT, HAD A GREAT TIME.

IT WAS NICE. I
WOULDN'T CALL IT GREAT.

SORRY, TOO MUCH WINE.

WOULD YOU LIKE US TO
LEAVE SO YOU CAN TRY AGAIN?

DOROTHY! I DON'T THINK WE
SHOULD ENCOURAGE THEM.

WHY DON'T WE LET THEM
GET DRESSED? THEN WE

CAN DISCUSS THIS LIKE
RATIONAL HUMAN BEINGS.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, BLANCHE.

ROSE, I MEANT LET THEM
GET DRESSED IN PRIVATE.

OH, SORRY!

I GUESS I'M STILL IN SHOCK.

I'VE NEVER SEEN BRIGID
IN BED WITH A MAN.

EXCEPT RAGGEDY ANDY.

- I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
- BELIEVE IT, ROSE.

I CAN'T! YOU KNOW WHEN
YOU CAN'T BELIEVE SOMETHING?

I CAN'T BELIEVE ALAN THICKE HAS A HIT
SERIES. THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT ISN'T SO.

- I BLAME YOU FOR THIS, BLANCHE.
- WHY?

BUT FOR THAT DATE, MICHAEL
WOULDN'T HAVE SEDUCED BRIGID.

- WHAT? HE DIDN'T SEDUCE HER.
- YOU WERE THERE?

- I HAPPEN TO KNOW.
- HOW?

- BRIGID ISN'T HIS TYPE.
- NO, SHE'S TOO GOOD FOR HIM.

HOW ABOUT A NICE
GLASS OF LEMONADE?

- WHY IS SHE TOO GOOD FOR HIM?
- HE HAS NO JOB.

NEITHER DOES HENRY KISSINGER
BUT HE'S STILL HIGHLY REGARDED.

- MY SON IS AN ARTIST.
- A NICE WAY OF SAYING LOSER.

MY SON IS NOT A LOSER. HE
HAPPENS TO BE VERY TALENTED.

YES, AT TAKING ADVANTAGE
OF POOR YOUNG GIRLS.

YOU AGREE HE DOES HAVE TALENT.

ROSE, FACE IT, YOUR DAUGHTER
MOVES FASTER THAN MARCUS ALLEN.

I CAN'T FACE IT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHO MARCUS ALLEN IS.

LET ME PUT IT TO
YOU ANOTHER WAY.

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA ACCEPT YOUR DAUGHTER
IS NOT THE GOODY TWO-SHOES YOU THINK?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- WHAT WOULD YOU CALL A GIRL

WHO SLEEPS WITH A MAN
SHE'S KNOWN FOR ONE DAY?

A DAMN GOOD SPORT.

- I CALL HER A TRAMP.
- WHAT?

YOU HEARD ME, TRAMP.
TRAMP, TRAMP, TRAMP.

DOROTHY, WE'VE ALWAYS
HAD OUR DIFFERENCES.

BUT I DON'T THINK YOU'VE SAID
ANYTHING SO VICIOUS OR SO CRUEL.

I DON'T THINK I CAN
SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.

- GO AFTER HER.
- I WILL NOT.

I'M NOT THE ONLY
ONE WHO WAS CRUEL.

[DOOR SLAMS]

- MORNING.
- I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.

YOU'RE STILL UPSET WITH
ME ABOUT LAST NIGHT?

NO, I'M UPSET BECAUSE CROCKETT AND
TUBBS ARE WEARING DARKER COLORS.

GOOD MORNING.

WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT?

I'M INTRODUCING MY
LINE OF TENNIS WEAR.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I'M IN MOURNING.

- FOR WHOM, SOPHIA?
- MICHAEL.

AFTER LAST NIGHT,
HE DOESN'T EXIST.

OH, EXCUSE ME, I DIDN'T SEE YOU.

[BLANCHE] MORNING, ROSE.

I GUESS YOU'RE STILL
MAD AT ME, TOO, HUH?

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- OH, GIRLS.

NOBODY COULD BE MORE UPSET
ABOUT LAST NIGHT THAN I AM.

I WAS JUST TRYING
TO BE HOSPITABLE.

I SENT THE KIDS TO
THE SYMPHONY TO HEAR

HENRY MANCINI'S TRIBUTE
TO THE PINK PANTHER.

I DIDN'T EXPECT THEM
TO JUMP INTO BED.

BESIDES, IT'S NOT THE END OF THE
WORLD. THESE THINGS DO HAPPEN.

THE SAME THING HAPPENED
TO ME IN MY EARLY 20S.

I WAS TAKING SOME CLASSES AT
MISS MCGYVER'S FINISHING SCHOOL.

ONE NIGHT, BOBBY JO SPRINGER HAD
ESCORTED ME BACK TO MY DORMITORY

AFTER THE ANNUAL
FINE MANNERS BALL,

WHEN AN INNOCENT GOOD-NIGHT KISS
DEVELOPED INTO AN EVENING OF PASSION.

BUT AT 3AM, THE DOOR FLUNG OPEN
AND THERE STOOD MISS MCGYVER,

MAKING ONE OF THOSE BED
CHECKS SHE WAS FAMOUS FOR.

I TRIED TO HANDLE THE
WHOLE THING LIKE A LADY.

I WAVED POLITELY OVER BOBBY
JO'S SHOULDER WITH MY FOOT.

SHE WAS UNMOVED.

NEXT DAY, SHE SAT ME DOWN, LECTURED
ME AND KICKED ME OUT OF SCHOOL.

ONLY, I DIDN'T CARE.

I KNEW WHAT ECSTASY WAS.

ALL SHE COULD DO WAS WALK AROUND
WITH A DICTIONARY ON HER HEAD.

ALRIGHT, MAYBE YOU DON'T
FEEL LIKE TALKING TO ME.

BUT TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN.
TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL.

ONLY, MAKE SURE
AFTER IT'S OVER THAT IT'S

BROUGHT YOU CLOSER
TOGETHER, NOT FURTHER APART.

WHO ARE YOU, MR SPOCK?

I THINK YOU MEAN
DR SPOCK, SOPHIA.

THEY'RE BOTH REAL SMART AND THEY'VE
GOT BIG EARS, SO DON'T GET TECHNICAL, OK?

I AM SPEAKING FROM
EXPERIENCE, SOPHIA.

I FAILED TO LISTEN
TO MY CHILDREN.

YOU DON'T SEE ANY
OF THEM VISITING HERE.

I DON'T EVEN SEE MY
HAND IN FRONT OF MY FACE.

BLANCHE, YOU'RE
MAKING A LOT OF SENSE.

WE WERE SO BUSY PROTECTING OUR
KIDS, WE FOUGHT WITH EACH OTHER.

- I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
- I OWE YOU ONE.

- NO, NO, NO...
- GIRLS, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

THE IMPORTANT THING IS,
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS AGAIN.

MAYBE YOU'RE ALL
FRIENDS AGAIN, BUT NOT ME.

I DON'T FORGIVE OR FORGET. I'M
PRONE TO GROWING MOLES. I'M ITALIAN!

[PLAYS JAZZ]

- NO, NO, PLEASE, GO ON.
- [CONTINUES PLAYING]

THAT'S ENOUGH.

- LET'S TALK ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
- SURE, MA.

YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT, HOW
COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

I'M SORRY. THAT'S NOT
WHAT I PLANNED ON SAYING.

IT'S OK. YOU'VE EVERY
RIGHT TO BE ANGRY.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW YOU COULD DO THIS.

IT WASN'T ANYTHING PLANNED. THE
WHOLE THING JUST KIND OF HAPPENED.

JUST KIND OF HAPPENED? MICHAEL,
DANDRUFF JUST KIND OF HAPPENS.

NOT A THING LIKE THIS. IF YOU DON'T
KNOW THAT, I'VE FAILED SOMEWHERE.

STOP TORTURING YOURSELF.
NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

- IT IS. WHERE DID I GO WRONG?
- YOU'RE A GREAT MOTHER.

IF I WERE, YOU WOULD BE
GRADUATING FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL,

NOT PLAYING DOCTOR WITH MY BEST
FRIEND'S DAUGHTER HERE IN THIS HOUSE.

MA, I'M SORRY.

IT WASN'T THE RIGHT TIME AND IT ENDED
UP EMBARRASSING YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.

- I GUESS I WASN'T THINKING.
- THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, MICHAEL.

YOU GO THROUGH
LIFE NOT THINKING.

YOU GO FROM TOWN TO TOWN, JOB
TO JOB, RELATIONSHIP TO RELATIONSHIP.

MICHAEL, YOU'RE 29 YEARS OLD.

WHEN WILL YOU GROW UP AND
ACCEPT SOME RESPONSIBILITY?

I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

I'M SORRY I WON'T BE
ALL YOU HOPED I'D BE.

THE ONLY THING I WANT
YOU TO BE IS HAPPY.

I DON'T WANT YOU WAKING UP ONE
MORNING, SORRY FOR CHOICES YOU MADE.

I APPRECIATE THAT.

BUT, MA, I HAVE TO
LIVE MY OWN LIFE.

DESPITE MY FLAWS, I AM BASICALLY
A DECENT, HONEST PERSON.

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD
JUST LOVE ME FOR THAT?

I ALREADY DO.

THEN YOU FORGIVE ME?

OF COURSE I FORGIVE YOU.

BUT IF YOU EVER PULL A
STUNT LIKE THAT AGAIN,

I AM GOING TO THROW YOU OUT ON
YOUR FLAWED BUT HONEST BEHIND.

- SO, DID YOU TWO MAKE UP?
- YES, MA.

DID YOU APOLOGIZE AND
BEG HER FORGIVENESS?

- YES, GRANDMA.
- OK, NOW DO IT TO ME.

I'M SORRY. I WOULDN'T HURT
YOU. I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME.

- THAT'S IT?
- I PROMISE TO WRITE MORE OFTEN.

- AND?
- AND CALL YOU EVERY WEEK.

EVERY WEEK? YOU THINK I
DON'T HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE?

YOU CAN CALL ME
EVERY OTHER WEEK.

- OK, EVERY OTHER WEEK.
- GOOD, YOU'RE FORGIVEN.

THANK GOD THIS IS OVER. I COULDN'T
SEE A THING THROUGH THIS CRAP.

I'M ALL PACKED AND READY TO GO.

I'LL HAVE YOUR LUNCH DONE SOON.

MOM, I THINK WE SHOULD TALK.

- WHY DON'T WE FORGET ABOUT IT?
- I DON'T WANT TO.

I FORGIVE YOU. I KNOW
IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

MOM!

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP PRETENDING
I'M SOME PERFECT ANGEL. I'M NOT.

I MAKE MISTAKES.

WHAT I DID THE OTHER
NIGHT WAS ONE OF THEM.

I AM SORRY ABOUT EMBARRASSING
YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.

BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE
FACT THAT I SLEPT WITH MICHAEL.

OH, HONEY, I SO WANTED
YOUR FIRST TIME TO BE SPECIAL.

IT WAS, MOM. FOUR YEARS AGO.

OH, I REALLY DON'T
WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS.

I WANT US TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

I WANT US TO HAVE AN
OPEN, HONEST RELATIONSHIP.

I WANNA BE ABLE TO SHARE MY
DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRETS WITH YOU.

COULDN'T WE JUST
WEAR MATCHING OUTFITS?

MOTHER!

I'M SORRY, HONEY,
BUT IT'S JUST THAT...

SUDDENLY, IT'S LIKE YOU'RE
A WHOLE NEW PERSON.

IT'S GONNA TAKE A
LITTLE GETTING USED TO.

I UNDERSTAND.

- I'LL MISS YOU VERY MUCH.
- I'LL MISS YOU, TOO, MOM.

YOU'RE SURE I CAN'T
DRIVE YOU TO THE AIRPORT?

NO, I'LL BE FINE.

DOROTHY, SOPHIA,
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

DON'T THANK ME,
THANK MY GRANDSON.

WELL, GOTTA GO.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE STAYING
TILL THE END OF THE WEEK.

I GOT A CALL FOR A
GIG IN NEW ORLEANS.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU, SWEETHEART.
CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THERE.

I WILL. BYE-BYE, GRANDMA.

- BE GOOD, MICHAEL.
- ROSE.

- WANNA SHARE A TAXI?
- SOUNDS GREAT.

MAKE SURE THAT'S ALL YOU SHARE.

- YOU TWO HAVE A SAFE TRIP.
- BYE-BYE, MOM.

GIRLS, HOW DO I LOOK?

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- ON A DATE.

THE DOCTOR SAID TAKE IT EASY.

HE DID, BUT I'M GOING
STIR-CRAZY. I HAVE TO GET OUT.

- STICK TO THE DOCTOR'S ORDERS.
- I THINK DOROTHY'S RIGHT.

WHO KNOWS MY BODY
BETTER THAN I DO?

ANY MAN IN MIAMI NOT ATTACHED
TO A WOMAN OR A RESPIRATOR.

[LAUGHS]