The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 22 - Diamond in the Rough - full transcript
Blanche is bothered by her boyfriend's lack of polish and social graces.
♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND
♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN
♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE
♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE
♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY
♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW
♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME
♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY
♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪
GIVE ME A BREAK! THIS
IS HIGHWAY ROBBERY.
I'M ON A FIXED INCOME. 50
DOLLARS IS AS HIGH AS I'LL GO.
OKAY. I'M DESPERATE.
YOU GOT A DEAL. 60.
OH, GOOD NEWS. I GOT
YOUR DATE FOR THE BANQUET.
- MA, I'LL GET MY OWN DATE.
- FINE, PAY 100.
HERE. HELP ME FINISH
THESE INVITATIONS.
HI, GIRLS. BOY, AM I STUFFED! I SAMPLED
FOOD FROM OVER TEN CATERERS.
- FIND ONE FOR THE BANQUET?
- NOT YET.
OH, BUT I DID LEARN THAT BAKED ALASKA
CAN ACTUALLY BE COOKED LOCALLY.
I HAVE AN EVEN
BIGGER SCOOP FOR YOU.
MARS BARS ARE MADE
RIGHT HERE ON EARTH.
OH, GIRLS, THIS TIME I
HAVE REALLY DONE IT.
THANKS TO ME, THE HOSPITAL CHARITY
BANQUET WILL BE HELD IN THE BEDFORD HOTEL!
BLANCHE, THE
COMMITTEE IS ON A BUDGET.
- I KNOW. I WORKED OUT A DEAL.
- WE CAN'T AFFORD THAT ROOM.
BUT I WORKED OUT A DEAL. I TOLD
THE MANAGER, IF WE GOT THAT ROOM,
I'D PERSUADE MY SISTER
TO SING IN HIS BAR.
- YOU MEAN YOUR SISTER VIRGINIA?
- NO, MY SISTER SUSAN ANTON.
BLANCHE, HOW COULD
YOU TELL SUCH A LIE?
HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME FOR A MINUTE. SAID I
WAS TOO ATTRACTIVE TO BE RELATED TO HER.
BUT WE GOT THE ROOM,
'CAUSE HE LIKED MY MOXIE.
AND YOU LIKED SHOWING IT TO HIM.
WELL, WE HAVE A PLACE.
NOW WE NEED A CATERER.
ONE'S DROPPING
BY THIS AFTERNOON.
- DID YOU HIRE THE BAND?
- ROSE IS SUPPOSED TO.
WELL, I WARN YOU: WE MAY END UP WITH THE
HANSGER FLUGENHABEN YODELING QUARTET.
[DOORBELL]
- NOT TRUE. THEY BROKE UP.
BUT THE SONIA VAN
KUGEL TUBA BAND IS FREE.
HI. I'M JAKE SMOLLENS
FROM VIP CATERING.
HELLO. I'M ROSE NYLUND
FROM ST. OLAF, MINNESOTA.
THESE ARE MY
FRIENDS, DOROTHY AND...
BLANCHE. BLANCHE DEVEREAUX.
I AM CHAIRMAN OF THE
PLANNING COMMITTEE.
SO, COULD YOU TELL US SOMETHING
ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND?
WELL, I'VE RUN VIP
CATERING FOR FIVE YEARS.
BEFORE THAT I WAS
A COOK IN THE NAVY.
I CAN COOK BEEF FOR 1,500
OR CHATEAUBRIAND FOR TWO.
NO, MR. SMOLLENS. WHAT I
MEANT WAS: ARE YOU MARRIED?
NO, I'M NOT, AND
PLEASE, CALL ME JAKE.
- OH, MY PLEASURE.
- I ONCE HAD AN UNCLE JAKE.
OF COURSE, HE COULD NEVER COOK.
HE ALSO COULD NEVER GET
THROUGH OUR FAMILY 4TH
OF JULY PICNIC WITHOUT
UNZIPPING HIS OVERALLS.
TOO BAD YOUR UNCLE CAN'T
MAKE IT TO THE BANQUET.
SO, ER... TELL ME, JAKE.
HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK
THESE MEALS WILL COST?
WELL, DO YOU WANT
SOMETHING SIMPLE OR FANCY?
WE WANT SOMETHING CHEAP.
- I ADMIRE YOUR HONESTY.
- I ADMIRE YOUR CHEST.
I MEAN, ER... EXACTLY WHAT KIND
OF MEAL ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
I COULD DO A NICE
YANKEE POT ROAST. MASHED
POTATOES, MIXED
VEGETABLES, WILD GREEN SALAD.
AND FOR STARTERS, MY SPECIAL,
CLAM CHOWDER. NO CHARGE.
MM-MM. THAT SOUNDS DELICIOUS.
JUST CONSIDER YOURSELF HIRED.
NOW...
WHEN SHALL I COME TO YOUR PLACE
TO... SAMPLE WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER?
I GOT A BETTER IDEA. THERE'S A
ROMANTIC DINER ON THE BOARDWALK.
THEY USE MY RECIPES.
I'LL PICK YOU UP AT EIGHT
TOMORROW, AND WE'LL...
CHECK OUT A FEW THINGS.
- I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!
- SWELL.
- I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT.
- OKAY.
NICE MEETING YOU, LADIES.
- NICE MEETING YOU.
- OUR PLEASURE.
WOW! WHAT A HUNK!
I KNOW. EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT!
DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT
ROSE OR I MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN JAKE?
YES.
AND YOU STILL USED
EVERY PLOY TO NAB HIM?
- YES.
- THEN WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?
DAMN, I'M GOOD.
WELL, ISN'T THIS ROMANTIC?
OH, YES, IT CERTAINLY IS...
IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE POPEYE.
JAKE, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- WE'D LIKE THE BEST TABLE.
- OKAY, BUDDY.
OH, THIS IS GREAT. THANKS.
AND WE'LL HAVE THE USUAL.
ALRIGHT.
IS THIS REALLY THE BEST TABLE?
- DID YOU GET A SPLINTER?
- NO.
THEN THIS IS THE BEST TABLE.
- YOU'RE PULLING MY LEG.
- I'D LIKE TO.
- STOP BEING NAUGHTY!
- SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
NEITHER DID I. BE NAUGHTY AGAIN!
YOU'RE ONE HELL OF A WOMAN.
I KNOW. GO ON.
WELL, IN ALL MY YEARS IN THE NAVY
I'VE NEVER MET ANYBODY LIKE YOU.
WELL, IN ALL MY YEARS DATING THE
NAVY, I'VE NEVER MET ANYBODY LIKE YOU.
UM... JAKE, IS IT
MY IMAGINATION,
OR IS THERE A TATTOO
OF A NOSE ON YOUR ARM?
YEAH. I GOT THAT WHEN I FIRST
JOINED THE NAVY BACK IN '51.
I WAS A KID. I WAS DRUNK.
UNFORTUNATELY, SO WAS THE TATTOOIST. I
ASKED FOR A ROSE; HE THOUGHT I SAID "NOSE".
- OH, THANKS.
- THANKS.
WELL, BLANCHE...
- I REALLY LIKE BEING WITH YOU.
- I LIKE BEING WITH YOU, TOO.
MMM. THIS LOOKS DELICIOUS.
NOW, BEFORE YOU EAT THAT
CLAM CHOWDER, THERE'S ONE THING.
WHAT?
IT TASTES BETTER IF
YOUR LIPS ARE WARMED UP.
I SEE NOW WHY IT'S
SO ROMANTIC HERE.
[CACOPHONY]
[ELABORATE FINAL FLOURISH]
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK
YOU. AND NOW, FOR MY NEXT NUMBER,
I'LL PLAY SOMETHING BY ONE OF MY
FAVORITES AND, I HOPE, ONE OF YOURS.
HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS!
ER... I THINK WE'VE HEARD
ENOUGH, MR. HINKLEY.
OKAY. WE GO RIGHT
TO THE BIG FINALE.
- I'M AFRAID WE'RE OUT OF TIME.
- BUT IT'S A REAL SHOW-STOPPER.
I HOLD UP TWO LIT
SPARKLERS WITH MY HANDS,
AND PLAY HEY, LOOK
ME OVER WITH MY FEET.
- SMOKING A CIGARETTE?
- NO?
OH, DARN. YOU WERE THIS CLOSE.
GOODBYE.
OH, WE'RE IN TROUBLE. WE'VE
AUDITIONED A DOZEN MUSICIANS.
THE BANQUET IS TWO WEEKS AWAY,
AND WE'VE NO BAND. WHAT DO WE DO?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO,
ROSE. WE'RE GONNA EAT A CHEESECAKE.
HI, MA. SHOULDN'T YOU BE
FINISHING THOSE INVITATIONS?
I'M HERE FOR SOME WATER.
STAMP-LICKING DRIES ME OUT.
- WHY DON'T YOU USE A SPONGE?
- I'D RATHER DRINK FROM A GLASS.
BLANCHE, DON'T YOU AND JAKE
HAVE DINNER RESERVATIONS TONIGHT?
YES, WE DO. HE'S LATE.
WELL, HE MUST HAVE A GOOD
REASON. ANYWAY, WHO CARES?
HE IS A DREAMBOAT.
YES, BEING WITH JAKE
HAS BEEN WONDERFUL,
BUT I CANNOT GET
USED TO SOME THINGS.
REALLY? LIKE WHAT?
WELL, IT'S A QUESTION
OF BREEDING.
HE USES FINGERS INSTEAD
OF HIS KNIFE TO EAT.
TUCKS HIS NAPKIN
INTO HIS COLLAR.
WEARS WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY.
BLANCHE, THE MAN IS A WINNER.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE
I'M JUST OVERLY CRITICAL.
THAT SOMETIMES HAPPENS WHEN
YOU'RE STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL.
NOT TO MENTION
ENDLESSLY IRRITATING.
BLANCHE, JAKE'S HERE.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.
- HI, EVERYBODY.
- YOU ARE FILTHY!
SORRY. I HELPED A
LADY STRANDED BY THE
ROADSIDE, AND ENDED UP
FIXING HER TRANSMISSION.
AREN'T THERE
PROFESSIONALS WHO DO THAT?
ANDY GRANATELLI DOES.
ALTHOUGH HE DOESN'T
ACTUALLY FIX THEM HIMSELF.
DOESN'T WANT TO
DIRTY HIS TRENCH COAT.
BUT I HEAR HE HAS
THIS SPECIAL SCHOOL...
I KNOW: "SHUT UP, ROSE."
PLEASE, HONEY. I'LL
MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
I'LL PACK A PICNIC BASKET
AND WE'LL DRIVE TO THE BEACH.
I'LL SPREAD A BLANKET ON THE
SAND, TAKE YOU IN MY ARMS...
I FORGIVE YOU.
I MEAN... I MEAN BLANCHE
SHOULD FORGIVE YOU.
OH, ALRIGHT. I FORGIVE YOU.
BUT FORGET THE PICNIC.
I'LL GET US THAT BLANKET.
- HE'S A WONDERFUL MAN.
- OH, I KNOW.
OH, WHY CAN'T I EVER
ATTRACT MEN LIKE THAT?
- YOU CAN, DOROTHY.
- OH, MA, YOU REALLY THINK SO?
NO, BUT YOU THINK I'M
GONNA TELL YOU THAT?
MA, DID YOU MAIL
ALL THE INVITATIONS?
NONE OF THE GS THROUGH
THE LS HAS RESPONDED.
SURE, I TOOK THEM IN A
SHOEBOX TO THE POST OFFICE.
- UNLESS...
- UNLESS WHAT?
UNLESS I SENT MY BEST PAIR
OF HEELS OVERNIGHT MAIL.
MA, THIS IS TERRIBLE!
YOU'RE TELLING ME. NOW I
DON'T HAVE SHOES FOR THE PARTY.
GIRLS, I AM SO EXCITED!
WE HAVE A BAND.
- YOU HIRED SOMEBODY?
- YEP, THE GREAT PRETENDERS.
IT'S AN ALL-FEMALE JAZZ BAND.
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FANTASTIC.
WELL, NOW IT'S GOING
TO BE A GOOD PARTY!
OH, IT'S TOO BAD YOU COULDN'T
FIND A BETTER DATE THAN HARVEY.
WELL, I WOULDN'T BRAG
ABOUT MY DATE, IF I WERE YOU.
INCIDENTALLY, IS WALTER
RENTING THAT BLUE TUXEDO AGAIN?
WALTER NEVER RENTED A
BLUE TUXEDO, AND YOU KNOW IT.
HE OWNS THAT BLUE TUXEDO.
GIRLS, DID JAKE CALL?
HE IS HALF AN HOUR LATE.
NO, BLANCHE.
WILL JAKE BE ABLE TO
TAKE YOU TO THE BANQUET?
WELL, HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO TAKE
ME, BUT MY DATE IS HUNTER MCCOY.
- WHAT ABOUT JAKE?
- WHAT ABOUT HIM?
WELL, JAKE HAS TO TAKE
YOU. YOU'LL BOTH BE THERE.
HE'LL EXPECT YOU TO BE THERE
WITH HIM. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
WELL, YOU MAKE IT SOUND
SO TERRIBLE. IT'S NOT.
JAKE JUST DOESN'T BELONG
WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE.
HE'S A BLUE-JEANS KIND OF GUY.
THIS IS A BLACK-TIE AFFAIR.
WE WOULDN'T HAVE ANY FUN.
SOMETIMES YOU ACT JUST
LIKE A WOMAN I KNEW IN ST. OLAF.
PLEASE, NO-ONE
SAY, "WHAT WOMAN?"
BLANCHE, JAKE IS CRAZY ABOUT
YOU. YOU'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
HONEY, DON'T BE SILLY.
JAKE KNOWS I CARE
FOR HIM, BUT OUR
RELATIONSHIP CAN ONLY
GO SO FAR. HE KNOWS THAT.
[DOORBELL]
- THAT'S PROBABLY HIM.
- HI, HONEY.
- HI, SWEETHEART.
- HELLO, EVERYBODY.
- HI.
IS THERE SOMEWHERE
WE COULD BE ALONE?
- CAN'T IT WAIT TILL LATER?
- NO.
ALRIGHT, I'M FLEXIBLE. BUT OF
COURSE, YOU KNOW THAT ALREADY!
NO, NO, NO, NO. I WANT TO
ASK YOU SOMETHING NOW.
RIGHT HERE, WHERE WE FIRST MET.
UM... MA, ROSE, WHY DON'T
WE GO INTO THE KITCHEN?
- WHAT, AND MISS ALL THIS?
- GET UP!
LISTEN. I KNOW WHAT
YOU WANT TO ASK ME.
NOW, I'VE BEEN GIVING OUR
RELATIONSHIP A GREAT DEAL OF THOUGHT,
AND I JUST THINK YOU'RE
A WONDERFUL MAN.
I LOVE THE TIME WE
SPEND TOGETHER.
BUT WE DO COME FROM TWO
DIFFERENT WORLDS, YOU KNOW,
SO OUR RELATIONSHIP
CAN ONLY GO SO FAR,
AND I CAN'T GO TO
THE BANQUET WITH YOU.
WELL...
THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS GONNA ASK
YOU, BUT YOU ANSWERED MY QUESTION.
WHY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] I WAS
GONNA ASK YOU TO MARRY ME.
ROSE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
I CAN'T SLEEP. I'M HAVING
NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE BANQUET.
OH? WHAT KIND OF NIGHTMARES?
I'M AT THE BANQUET.
IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. I LOOK
BEAUTIFUL. EVERYBODY LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.
AND SUDDENLY CHARLTON HESTON
WALKS IN, DRESSED LIKE MOSES.
AND HE TRIES TO PART
THE DESSERT TABLE.
WHEN THAT DOESN'T WORK,
HE ROUNDS UP THE GUESTS
AND LEADS THEM TO THE LINGERIE
DEPARTMENT OF THE NEAREST JCPENNEY'S...
WHERE EVERYBODY STARTS MAKING
FUN OF THE FAT-LADY UNDERWEAR.
WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE IT MEANS?
THAT YOU'VE SPENT TOO MANY
YEARS SLEEPING ON CURLERS.
MA, YOU CAN'T SLEEP, EITHER?
NO, I'M SLEEPING SO GOOD, I
THOUGHT I'D COME TRY IT IN THE SINK.
I GUESS EVERYBODY'S A LITTLE
JUMPY ABOUT THE BANQUET.
EXCEPT BLANCHE. SHE
COULD AT LEAST HAVE THE
GOOD TASTE TO PRETEND
THAT SHE CAN'T SLEEP.
SHE'S PROBABLY NERVOUS
ABOUT RUNNING INTO JAKE.
SOMETIMES, WHEN PEOPLE ARE UNDER
PRESSURE, THEY SLEEP TO ESCAPE.
DOROTHY'S FATHER
USED TO DO THAT.
UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS
USUALLY DURING FOREPLAY.
- MA, THE MAN IS DEAD.
- LONGER THAN YOU THINK.
I FEEL BAD FOR BLANCHE. SHE'S BEEN
MOPING SINCE SHE AND JAKE SPLIT.
OH, DON'T EXPECT
ME TO FEEL SORRY.
IT'S NOT OFTEN THAT SOMEBODY LIKE JAKE
COMES ALONG, AND SHE THROWS HIM AWAY.
OH, WHAT'S EVERYBODY DOING UP?
WE WERE SAYING HOW DUMB
YOU WERE TO GIVE UP JAKE.
I'M SO UPSET ABOUT
IT I CAN'T SLEEP.
- WELL, GIVE HIM A CALL.
- OH, I CAN'T.
HE'D TRY TO SEE ME AGAIN.
THAT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH JAKE?
I THINK HE'S WONDERFUL.
AND YOU'RE
MISERABLE WITHOUT HIM.
WELL, THAT MAY BE, BUT
IN SOME WAYS, IN SOME
VERY IMPORTANT WAYS,
WE'RE NOT COMPATIBLE.
YOU MEAN HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH?
- NO, I DON'T.
- BLANCHE!
IF WE STAYED TOGETHER, OUR DIFFERENCES
WOULD TURN US AGAINST EACH OTHER.
I CARE TOO MUCH TO ALLOW THAT.
YOU'RE LUCKY YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
MY MARRIAGE WAS ARRANGED.
- YOU DIDN'T PICK POP?
- HE DIDN'T PICK ME, EITHER.
WE LEARNED TO LOVE EACH
OTHER, BUT IT WASN'T OUR IDEA.
THERE WERE EIGHT UNMARRIED GIRLS
AND EIGHT UNMARRIED BOYS IN THE VILLAGE.
- HOW DID THEY MATCH THEM UP?
- HEIGHT.
IF I HADN'T STOOD ON THAT ROCK, I'D
HAVE ENDED UP WITH LUIGI THE PIG-BOY.
IF I GOT ANOTHER
CHANCE AT MR. RIGHT,
I'D WANT SOMEBODY ENTIRELY
DIFFERENT FROM CHARLIE.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU ADORED HIM.
I DID. I AM. WE HAD A
WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER.
BUT I'D LIKE SOMEBODY
REALLY WILD.
SOMEBODY IMPULSIVE,
WHO'D SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET.
HE'D COME IN HIS CONVERTIBLE
PORSCHE AND WHISK ME TO THE AIRPORT.
WE'D FLY TO HIS VILLA IN FRANCE,
WHERE WE'D BLINDFOLD THE
ORCHESTRA AND DANCE UNTIL DAWN.
THEN WE'D WATCH THE SUN COME UP
OVER TWO STEAMING CUPS OF COCOA.
COCOA?
WITH LITTLE MARSHMALLOWS.
MARSHMALLOWS? ROSE, YOU TROLLOP.
DOROTHY, WHAT KIND OF
GUY WOULD YOU LIKE NOW?
[SIGHS] SOMEBODY
TO GET OLD WITH.
- YOU CAN DO THAT BY YOURSELF.
- I'M AWARE OF THAT, ROSE.
STAN DIDN'T WANT TO GET OLD.
NO, I'D LIKE SOMEONE TO
SIT ON THE PORCH WITH,
HOLD HANDS, LISTEN TO THE
BIRDS, WATCH THE GRASS GROW.
- BLANCHE, WHAT MAN DO YOU WANT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
YOU CERTAINLY DO YOUR
SHARE OF COMPARISON SHOPPING.
COME ON, BLANCHE. WHAT
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
I DON'T KNOW. I JUST
KNOW IT'S NOT JAKE.
BUT THAT WON'T DISCOURAGE
ME FROM FINDING MR. RIGHT.
AND I WON'T COMPROMISE
MY STANDARDS, EITHER.
I WILL LOOK HIGH AND
LOW, FAR AND WIDE,
AND NEVER LOSE HEART, FOR I
KNOW ONE DAY MY PRINCE WILL COME.
WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
I WASN'T PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION,
BUT I GATHERED SHE'S GONNA SLEEP
WITH THAT LITTLE BLACK GUY, PRINCE.
[JAZZ BAND]
ROSE, ROSE, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU?
OH, SURE, DOROTHY. EXCUSE ME.
ROSE, THERE IS SOMETHING VERY
ODD ABOUT THAT ALL-FEMALE JAZZ BAND.
- WHAT?
- THEY'RE ALL MEN.
I JUST THOUGHT THEY
WERE REALLY UGLY WOMEN.
- WHAT DO WE DO?
- NOTHING. THEY'RE GREAT.
IF WE PRETEND NOTHING IS
WRONG, MAYBE NO-ONE WILL NOTICE.
HEY, DID YOU GET A LOAD OF
THOSE QUEENS ON THE BANDSTAND?
- KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
- WHY? THEY KNOW THEY'RE QUEENS.
- I THINK WE'RE A SUCCESS.
- CONGRATULATIONS, BLANCHE.
MUCH OF THE CREDIT
GOES TO THE FOOD -
ORIGINAL YET FAMILIAR,
PIQUANT YET COMFORTING.
BLANCHE TELLS ME SHE WORKED
VERY CLOSELY WITH THE CATERER.
DID SHE MENTION THEY WERE NAKED?
YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE MY MOTHER. SHE
WAS A WITNESS TO THE HINDENBURG DISASTER.
JAKE DID A WONDERFUL
JOB. WHERE IS HE?
OH, PROBABLY OUT IN THE KITCHEN.
THERE HE IS, BY
THE DESSERT TABLE.
OH, HE LOOKS GREAT IN HIS TUX!
HUNTER, WOULD YOU BE A DEAR AND
ER... GET ME ANOTHER WINE SPRITZER?
WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR? KEEP
HUNTER OCCUPIED WHILE I GO AFTER JAKE.
WHAT? YOU SAID YOU NEVER
WANTED TO SEE HIM AGAIN.
I MADE A MISTAKE. A
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
WHAT COULD I HAVE BEEN
THINKING? HOW COULD I LET HIM GO?
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT
MAKE HOW HE DRESSES OR EATS?
WHAT MATTERS IS,
HE'S THE MAN I LOVE.
EXCUSE ME. UM...
WHERE'S BLANCHE GOING?
UM... SHE WENT TO
POWDER HER NOSE.
AT THE DESSERT TABLE?
ER... WELL, THE POWDER STICKS BETTER IF
YOU PUT A THIN LAYER OF CARAMEL FIRST.
HUNTER, YOU LOOK SKEPTICAL.
WELL, HELLO. I DIDN'T
SEE YOU STANDING THERE.
REALLY? I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO TAKE
MY EYES OFF YOU. YOU LOOK GREAT.
JAKE, THE REASON I CAME OVER...
I WANTED TO TELL
YOU I MADE A MISTAKE.
OUR DIFFERENCES
DON'T REALLY MATTER.
BLANCHE, I ADMIRE YOU.
YOU'RE A VERY SPECIAL WOMAN.
BUT YOU DIDN'T MAKE A
MISTAKE. YOU WERE RIGHT.
BLANCHE, I'M
HAPPY. I LIKE MYSELF.
I WANT TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH SOMEBODY WHO'S
AS COMFORTABLE WITH ME AS I AM WITH THEM.
I DON'T WANT TO WONDER IF
I'M USING THE WRONG FORK.
I KNOW. YOU SAID OUR
DIFFERENCES DON'T MATTER.
BUT THEY DID BEFORE,
AND THEY WILL AGAIN.
BLANCHE, KNOWING YOU HAS
BEEN ONE OF THE BEST THINGS
THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME IN MY
WHOLE LIFE. REMEMBER THAT.
- JAKE...
- LET ME KISS YOU.
GOODBYE.
BLANCHE, WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, JAKE SAID HE THINKS WE
HAVE TOO MANY DIFFERENCES,
SO WE'RE NOT GETTING
BACK TOGETHER.
OH, BLANCHE, I'M SO SORRY.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW
I LET THIS THING HAPPEN.
I'M SO CONFUSED.
[DEEP VOICE] HONEY, YOU
THINK YOU'RE CONFUSED?
TAKE A LOOK AT OUR HORN SECTION.
BLANCHE, AREN'T YOU EVEN
GOING TO TRY TO SLEEP?
[TEARFULLY] I'M TOO UPSET.
OH, LET'S FACE IT.
I'M NOT 16 ANYMORE.
THERE'S NO LINE OF BEAUX ON THE
FRONT PORCH WAITING TO WALK ME TO TOWN.
NO MORE COTILLIONS, NO
MORE SORORITY PARTIES.
I JUST LOST THE BEST THING THAT'S
HAPPENED TO ME SINCE I MET GEORGE.
I'M JUST A STUPID OLD FOOL,
SITTING UP ALL NIGHT
WITH A BROKEN HEART.
BLANCHE DEVEREAUX, I CANNOT
BELIEVE WHAT I AM HEARING.
YOU ARE THE PRETTIEST, MOST
VIBRANT, MOST EXCITING WOMAN I KNOW.
MEN STILL LINE UP FOR YOU.
REALLY?
YOUR DANCE CARD IS GOING TO
BE FULL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER YOU
MEANT THAT OR NOT, DOROTHY,
BUT THANK YOU.
[CHUCKLES]
DAMN, I'M GOOD.
♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN
♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE
♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE
♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY
♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW
♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME
♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY
♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪
GIVE ME A BREAK! THIS
IS HIGHWAY ROBBERY.
I'M ON A FIXED INCOME. 50
DOLLARS IS AS HIGH AS I'LL GO.
OKAY. I'M DESPERATE.
YOU GOT A DEAL. 60.
OH, GOOD NEWS. I GOT
YOUR DATE FOR THE BANQUET.
- MA, I'LL GET MY OWN DATE.
- FINE, PAY 100.
HERE. HELP ME FINISH
THESE INVITATIONS.
HI, GIRLS. BOY, AM I STUFFED! I SAMPLED
FOOD FROM OVER TEN CATERERS.
- FIND ONE FOR THE BANQUET?
- NOT YET.
OH, BUT I DID LEARN THAT BAKED ALASKA
CAN ACTUALLY BE COOKED LOCALLY.
I HAVE AN EVEN
BIGGER SCOOP FOR YOU.
MARS BARS ARE MADE
RIGHT HERE ON EARTH.
OH, GIRLS, THIS TIME I
HAVE REALLY DONE IT.
THANKS TO ME, THE HOSPITAL CHARITY
BANQUET WILL BE HELD IN THE BEDFORD HOTEL!
BLANCHE, THE
COMMITTEE IS ON A BUDGET.
- I KNOW. I WORKED OUT A DEAL.
- WE CAN'T AFFORD THAT ROOM.
BUT I WORKED OUT A DEAL. I TOLD
THE MANAGER, IF WE GOT THAT ROOM,
I'D PERSUADE MY SISTER
TO SING IN HIS BAR.
- YOU MEAN YOUR SISTER VIRGINIA?
- NO, MY SISTER SUSAN ANTON.
BLANCHE, HOW COULD
YOU TELL SUCH A LIE?
HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME FOR A MINUTE. SAID I
WAS TOO ATTRACTIVE TO BE RELATED TO HER.
BUT WE GOT THE ROOM,
'CAUSE HE LIKED MY MOXIE.
AND YOU LIKED SHOWING IT TO HIM.
WELL, WE HAVE A PLACE.
NOW WE NEED A CATERER.
ONE'S DROPPING
BY THIS AFTERNOON.
- DID YOU HIRE THE BAND?
- ROSE IS SUPPOSED TO.
WELL, I WARN YOU: WE MAY END UP WITH THE
HANSGER FLUGENHABEN YODELING QUARTET.
[DOORBELL]
- NOT TRUE. THEY BROKE UP.
BUT THE SONIA VAN
KUGEL TUBA BAND IS FREE.
HI. I'M JAKE SMOLLENS
FROM VIP CATERING.
HELLO. I'M ROSE NYLUND
FROM ST. OLAF, MINNESOTA.
THESE ARE MY
FRIENDS, DOROTHY AND...
BLANCHE. BLANCHE DEVEREAUX.
I AM CHAIRMAN OF THE
PLANNING COMMITTEE.
SO, COULD YOU TELL US SOMETHING
ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND?
WELL, I'VE RUN VIP
CATERING FOR FIVE YEARS.
BEFORE THAT I WAS
A COOK IN THE NAVY.
I CAN COOK BEEF FOR 1,500
OR CHATEAUBRIAND FOR TWO.
NO, MR. SMOLLENS. WHAT I
MEANT WAS: ARE YOU MARRIED?
NO, I'M NOT, AND
PLEASE, CALL ME JAKE.
- OH, MY PLEASURE.
- I ONCE HAD AN UNCLE JAKE.
OF COURSE, HE COULD NEVER COOK.
HE ALSO COULD NEVER GET
THROUGH OUR FAMILY 4TH
OF JULY PICNIC WITHOUT
UNZIPPING HIS OVERALLS.
TOO BAD YOUR UNCLE CAN'T
MAKE IT TO THE BANQUET.
SO, ER... TELL ME, JAKE.
HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK
THESE MEALS WILL COST?
WELL, DO YOU WANT
SOMETHING SIMPLE OR FANCY?
WE WANT SOMETHING CHEAP.
- I ADMIRE YOUR HONESTY.
- I ADMIRE YOUR CHEST.
I MEAN, ER... EXACTLY WHAT KIND
OF MEAL ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
I COULD DO A NICE
YANKEE POT ROAST. MASHED
POTATOES, MIXED
VEGETABLES, WILD GREEN SALAD.
AND FOR STARTERS, MY SPECIAL,
CLAM CHOWDER. NO CHARGE.
MM-MM. THAT SOUNDS DELICIOUS.
JUST CONSIDER YOURSELF HIRED.
NOW...
WHEN SHALL I COME TO YOUR PLACE
TO... SAMPLE WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER?
I GOT A BETTER IDEA. THERE'S A
ROMANTIC DINER ON THE BOARDWALK.
THEY USE MY RECIPES.
I'LL PICK YOU UP AT EIGHT
TOMORROW, AND WE'LL...
CHECK OUT A FEW THINGS.
- I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!
- SWELL.
- I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT.
- OKAY.
NICE MEETING YOU, LADIES.
- NICE MEETING YOU.
- OUR PLEASURE.
WOW! WHAT A HUNK!
I KNOW. EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT!
DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT
ROSE OR I MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN JAKE?
YES.
AND YOU STILL USED
EVERY PLOY TO NAB HIM?
- YES.
- THEN WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?
DAMN, I'M GOOD.
WELL, ISN'T THIS ROMANTIC?
OH, YES, IT CERTAINLY IS...
IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE POPEYE.
JAKE, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- WE'D LIKE THE BEST TABLE.
- OKAY, BUDDY.
OH, THIS IS GREAT. THANKS.
AND WE'LL HAVE THE USUAL.
ALRIGHT.
IS THIS REALLY THE BEST TABLE?
- DID YOU GET A SPLINTER?
- NO.
THEN THIS IS THE BEST TABLE.
- YOU'RE PULLING MY LEG.
- I'D LIKE TO.
- STOP BEING NAUGHTY!
- SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
NEITHER DID I. BE NAUGHTY AGAIN!
YOU'RE ONE HELL OF A WOMAN.
I KNOW. GO ON.
WELL, IN ALL MY YEARS IN THE NAVY
I'VE NEVER MET ANYBODY LIKE YOU.
WELL, IN ALL MY YEARS DATING THE
NAVY, I'VE NEVER MET ANYBODY LIKE YOU.
UM... JAKE, IS IT
MY IMAGINATION,
OR IS THERE A TATTOO
OF A NOSE ON YOUR ARM?
YEAH. I GOT THAT WHEN I FIRST
JOINED THE NAVY BACK IN '51.
I WAS A KID. I WAS DRUNK.
UNFORTUNATELY, SO WAS THE TATTOOIST. I
ASKED FOR A ROSE; HE THOUGHT I SAID "NOSE".
- OH, THANKS.
- THANKS.
WELL, BLANCHE...
- I REALLY LIKE BEING WITH YOU.
- I LIKE BEING WITH YOU, TOO.
MMM. THIS LOOKS DELICIOUS.
NOW, BEFORE YOU EAT THAT
CLAM CHOWDER, THERE'S ONE THING.
WHAT?
IT TASTES BETTER IF
YOUR LIPS ARE WARMED UP.
I SEE NOW WHY IT'S
SO ROMANTIC HERE.
[CACOPHONY]
[ELABORATE FINAL FLOURISH]
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK
YOU. AND NOW, FOR MY NEXT NUMBER,
I'LL PLAY SOMETHING BY ONE OF MY
FAVORITES AND, I HOPE, ONE OF YOURS.
HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS!
ER... I THINK WE'VE HEARD
ENOUGH, MR. HINKLEY.
OKAY. WE GO RIGHT
TO THE BIG FINALE.
- I'M AFRAID WE'RE OUT OF TIME.
- BUT IT'S A REAL SHOW-STOPPER.
I HOLD UP TWO LIT
SPARKLERS WITH MY HANDS,
AND PLAY HEY, LOOK
ME OVER WITH MY FEET.
- SMOKING A CIGARETTE?
- NO?
OH, DARN. YOU WERE THIS CLOSE.
GOODBYE.
OH, WE'RE IN TROUBLE. WE'VE
AUDITIONED A DOZEN MUSICIANS.
THE BANQUET IS TWO WEEKS AWAY,
AND WE'VE NO BAND. WHAT DO WE DO?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO,
ROSE. WE'RE GONNA EAT A CHEESECAKE.
HI, MA. SHOULDN'T YOU BE
FINISHING THOSE INVITATIONS?
I'M HERE FOR SOME WATER.
STAMP-LICKING DRIES ME OUT.
- WHY DON'T YOU USE A SPONGE?
- I'D RATHER DRINK FROM A GLASS.
BLANCHE, DON'T YOU AND JAKE
HAVE DINNER RESERVATIONS TONIGHT?
YES, WE DO. HE'S LATE.
WELL, HE MUST HAVE A GOOD
REASON. ANYWAY, WHO CARES?
HE IS A DREAMBOAT.
YES, BEING WITH JAKE
HAS BEEN WONDERFUL,
BUT I CANNOT GET
USED TO SOME THINGS.
REALLY? LIKE WHAT?
WELL, IT'S A QUESTION
OF BREEDING.
HE USES FINGERS INSTEAD
OF HIS KNIFE TO EAT.
TUCKS HIS NAPKIN
INTO HIS COLLAR.
WEARS WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY.
BLANCHE, THE MAN IS A WINNER.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE
I'M JUST OVERLY CRITICAL.
THAT SOMETIMES HAPPENS WHEN
YOU'RE STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL.
NOT TO MENTION
ENDLESSLY IRRITATING.
BLANCHE, JAKE'S HERE.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.
- HI, EVERYBODY.
- YOU ARE FILTHY!
SORRY. I HELPED A
LADY STRANDED BY THE
ROADSIDE, AND ENDED UP
FIXING HER TRANSMISSION.
AREN'T THERE
PROFESSIONALS WHO DO THAT?
ANDY GRANATELLI DOES.
ALTHOUGH HE DOESN'T
ACTUALLY FIX THEM HIMSELF.
DOESN'T WANT TO
DIRTY HIS TRENCH COAT.
BUT I HEAR HE HAS
THIS SPECIAL SCHOOL...
I KNOW: "SHUT UP, ROSE."
PLEASE, HONEY. I'LL
MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
I'LL PACK A PICNIC BASKET
AND WE'LL DRIVE TO THE BEACH.
I'LL SPREAD A BLANKET ON THE
SAND, TAKE YOU IN MY ARMS...
I FORGIVE YOU.
I MEAN... I MEAN BLANCHE
SHOULD FORGIVE YOU.
OH, ALRIGHT. I FORGIVE YOU.
BUT FORGET THE PICNIC.
I'LL GET US THAT BLANKET.
- HE'S A WONDERFUL MAN.
- OH, I KNOW.
OH, WHY CAN'T I EVER
ATTRACT MEN LIKE THAT?
- YOU CAN, DOROTHY.
- OH, MA, YOU REALLY THINK SO?
NO, BUT YOU THINK I'M
GONNA TELL YOU THAT?
MA, DID YOU MAIL
ALL THE INVITATIONS?
NONE OF THE GS THROUGH
THE LS HAS RESPONDED.
SURE, I TOOK THEM IN A
SHOEBOX TO THE POST OFFICE.
- UNLESS...
- UNLESS WHAT?
UNLESS I SENT MY BEST PAIR
OF HEELS OVERNIGHT MAIL.
MA, THIS IS TERRIBLE!
YOU'RE TELLING ME. NOW I
DON'T HAVE SHOES FOR THE PARTY.
GIRLS, I AM SO EXCITED!
WE HAVE A BAND.
- YOU HIRED SOMEBODY?
- YEP, THE GREAT PRETENDERS.
IT'S AN ALL-FEMALE JAZZ BAND.
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FANTASTIC.
WELL, NOW IT'S GOING
TO BE A GOOD PARTY!
OH, IT'S TOO BAD YOU COULDN'T
FIND A BETTER DATE THAN HARVEY.
WELL, I WOULDN'T BRAG
ABOUT MY DATE, IF I WERE YOU.
INCIDENTALLY, IS WALTER
RENTING THAT BLUE TUXEDO AGAIN?
WALTER NEVER RENTED A
BLUE TUXEDO, AND YOU KNOW IT.
HE OWNS THAT BLUE TUXEDO.
GIRLS, DID JAKE CALL?
HE IS HALF AN HOUR LATE.
NO, BLANCHE.
WILL JAKE BE ABLE TO
TAKE YOU TO THE BANQUET?
WELL, HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO TAKE
ME, BUT MY DATE IS HUNTER MCCOY.
- WHAT ABOUT JAKE?
- WHAT ABOUT HIM?
WELL, JAKE HAS TO TAKE
YOU. YOU'LL BOTH BE THERE.
HE'LL EXPECT YOU TO BE THERE
WITH HIM. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
WELL, YOU MAKE IT SOUND
SO TERRIBLE. IT'S NOT.
JAKE JUST DOESN'T BELONG
WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE.
HE'S A BLUE-JEANS KIND OF GUY.
THIS IS A BLACK-TIE AFFAIR.
WE WOULDN'T HAVE ANY FUN.
SOMETIMES YOU ACT JUST
LIKE A WOMAN I KNEW IN ST. OLAF.
PLEASE, NO-ONE
SAY, "WHAT WOMAN?"
BLANCHE, JAKE IS CRAZY ABOUT
YOU. YOU'LL BREAK HIS HEART.
HONEY, DON'T BE SILLY.
JAKE KNOWS I CARE
FOR HIM, BUT OUR
RELATIONSHIP CAN ONLY
GO SO FAR. HE KNOWS THAT.
[DOORBELL]
- THAT'S PROBABLY HIM.
- HI, HONEY.
- HI, SWEETHEART.
- HELLO, EVERYBODY.
- HI.
IS THERE SOMEWHERE
WE COULD BE ALONE?
- CAN'T IT WAIT TILL LATER?
- NO.
ALRIGHT, I'M FLEXIBLE. BUT OF
COURSE, YOU KNOW THAT ALREADY!
NO, NO, NO, NO. I WANT TO
ASK YOU SOMETHING NOW.
RIGHT HERE, WHERE WE FIRST MET.
UM... MA, ROSE, WHY DON'T
WE GO INTO THE KITCHEN?
- WHAT, AND MISS ALL THIS?
- GET UP!
LISTEN. I KNOW WHAT
YOU WANT TO ASK ME.
NOW, I'VE BEEN GIVING OUR
RELATIONSHIP A GREAT DEAL OF THOUGHT,
AND I JUST THINK YOU'RE
A WONDERFUL MAN.
I LOVE THE TIME WE
SPEND TOGETHER.
BUT WE DO COME FROM TWO
DIFFERENT WORLDS, YOU KNOW,
SO OUR RELATIONSHIP
CAN ONLY GO SO FAR,
AND I CAN'T GO TO
THE BANQUET WITH YOU.
WELL...
THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS GONNA ASK
YOU, BUT YOU ANSWERED MY QUESTION.
WHY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] I WAS
GONNA ASK YOU TO MARRY ME.
ROSE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
I CAN'T SLEEP. I'M HAVING
NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE BANQUET.
OH? WHAT KIND OF NIGHTMARES?
I'M AT THE BANQUET.
IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. I LOOK
BEAUTIFUL. EVERYBODY LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.
AND SUDDENLY CHARLTON HESTON
WALKS IN, DRESSED LIKE MOSES.
AND HE TRIES TO PART
THE DESSERT TABLE.
WHEN THAT DOESN'T WORK,
HE ROUNDS UP THE GUESTS
AND LEADS THEM TO THE LINGERIE
DEPARTMENT OF THE NEAREST JCPENNEY'S...
WHERE EVERYBODY STARTS MAKING
FUN OF THE FAT-LADY UNDERWEAR.
WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE IT MEANS?
THAT YOU'VE SPENT TOO MANY
YEARS SLEEPING ON CURLERS.
MA, YOU CAN'T SLEEP, EITHER?
NO, I'M SLEEPING SO GOOD, I
THOUGHT I'D COME TRY IT IN THE SINK.
I GUESS EVERYBODY'S A LITTLE
JUMPY ABOUT THE BANQUET.
EXCEPT BLANCHE. SHE
COULD AT LEAST HAVE THE
GOOD TASTE TO PRETEND
THAT SHE CAN'T SLEEP.
SHE'S PROBABLY NERVOUS
ABOUT RUNNING INTO JAKE.
SOMETIMES, WHEN PEOPLE ARE UNDER
PRESSURE, THEY SLEEP TO ESCAPE.
DOROTHY'S FATHER
USED TO DO THAT.
UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS
USUALLY DURING FOREPLAY.
- MA, THE MAN IS DEAD.
- LONGER THAN YOU THINK.
I FEEL BAD FOR BLANCHE. SHE'S BEEN
MOPING SINCE SHE AND JAKE SPLIT.
OH, DON'T EXPECT
ME TO FEEL SORRY.
IT'S NOT OFTEN THAT SOMEBODY LIKE JAKE
COMES ALONG, AND SHE THROWS HIM AWAY.
OH, WHAT'S EVERYBODY DOING UP?
WE WERE SAYING HOW DUMB
YOU WERE TO GIVE UP JAKE.
I'M SO UPSET ABOUT
IT I CAN'T SLEEP.
- WELL, GIVE HIM A CALL.
- OH, I CAN'T.
HE'D TRY TO SEE ME AGAIN.
THAT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH JAKE?
I THINK HE'S WONDERFUL.
AND YOU'RE
MISERABLE WITHOUT HIM.
WELL, THAT MAY BE, BUT
IN SOME WAYS, IN SOME
VERY IMPORTANT WAYS,
WE'RE NOT COMPATIBLE.
YOU MEAN HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH?
- NO, I DON'T.
- BLANCHE!
IF WE STAYED TOGETHER, OUR DIFFERENCES
WOULD TURN US AGAINST EACH OTHER.
I CARE TOO MUCH TO ALLOW THAT.
YOU'RE LUCKY YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
MY MARRIAGE WAS ARRANGED.
- YOU DIDN'T PICK POP?
- HE DIDN'T PICK ME, EITHER.
WE LEARNED TO LOVE EACH
OTHER, BUT IT WASN'T OUR IDEA.
THERE WERE EIGHT UNMARRIED GIRLS
AND EIGHT UNMARRIED BOYS IN THE VILLAGE.
- HOW DID THEY MATCH THEM UP?
- HEIGHT.
IF I HADN'T STOOD ON THAT ROCK, I'D
HAVE ENDED UP WITH LUIGI THE PIG-BOY.
IF I GOT ANOTHER
CHANCE AT MR. RIGHT,
I'D WANT SOMEBODY ENTIRELY
DIFFERENT FROM CHARLIE.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU ADORED HIM.
I DID. I AM. WE HAD A
WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER.
BUT I'D LIKE SOMEBODY
REALLY WILD.
SOMEBODY IMPULSIVE,
WHO'D SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET.
HE'D COME IN HIS CONVERTIBLE
PORSCHE AND WHISK ME TO THE AIRPORT.
WE'D FLY TO HIS VILLA IN FRANCE,
WHERE WE'D BLINDFOLD THE
ORCHESTRA AND DANCE UNTIL DAWN.
THEN WE'D WATCH THE SUN COME UP
OVER TWO STEAMING CUPS OF COCOA.
COCOA?
WITH LITTLE MARSHMALLOWS.
MARSHMALLOWS? ROSE, YOU TROLLOP.
DOROTHY, WHAT KIND OF
GUY WOULD YOU LIKE NOW?
[SIGHS] SOMEBODY
TO GET OLD WITH.
- YOU CAN DO THAT BY YOURSELF.
- I'M AWARE OF THAT, ROSE.
STAN DIDN'T WANT TO GET OLD.
NO, I'D LIKE SOMEONE TO
SIT ON THE PORCH WITH,
HOLD HANDS, LISTEN TO THE
BIRDS, WATCH THE GRASS GROW.
- BLANCHE, WHAT MAN DO YOU WANT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
YOU CERTAINLY DO YOUR
SHARE OF COMPARISON SHOPPING.
COME ON, BLANCHE. WHAT
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
I DON'T KNOW. I JUST
KNOW IT'S NOT JAKE.
BUT THAT WON'T DISCOURAGE
ME FROM FINDING MR. RIGHT.
AND I WON'T COMPROMISE
MY STANDARDS, EITHER.
I WILL LOOK HIGH AND
LOW, FAR AND WIDE,
AND NEVER LOSE HEART, FOR I
KNOW ONE DAY MY PRINCE WILL COME.
WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
I WASN'T PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION,
BUT I GATHERED SHE'S GONNA SLEEP
WITH THAT LITTLE BLACK GUY, PRINCE.
[JAZZ BAND]
ROSE, ROSE, CAN I SPEAK TO YOU?
OH, SURE, DOROTHY. EXCUSE ME.
ROSE, THERE IS SOMETHING VERY
ODD ABOUT THAT ALL-FEMALE JAZZ BAND.
- WHAT?
- THEY'RE ALL MEN.
I JUST THOUGHT THEY
WERE REALLY UGLY WOMEN.
- WHAT DO WE DO?
- NOTHING. THEY'RE GREAT.
IF WE PRETEND NOTHING IS
WRONG, MAYBE NO-ONE WILL NOTICE.
HEY, DID YOU GET A LOAD OF
THOSE QUEENS ON THE BANDSTAND?
- KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
- WHY? THEY KNOW THEY'RE QUEENS.
- I THINK WE'RE A SUCCESS.
- CONGRATULATIONS, BLANCHE.
MUCH OF THE CREDIT
GOES TO THE FOOD -
ORIGINAL YET FAMILIAR,
PIQUANT YET COMFORTING.
BLANCHE TELLS ME SHE WORKED
VERY CLOSELY WITH THE CATERER.
DID SHE MENTION THEY WERE NAKED?
YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE MY MOTHER. SHE
WAS A WITNESS TO THE HINDENBURG DISASTER.
JAKE DID A WONDERFUL
JOB. WHERE IS HE?
OH, PROBABLY OUT IN THE KITCHEN.
THERE HE IS, BY
THE DESSERT TABLE.
OH, HE LOOKS GREAT IN HIS TUX!
HUNTER, WOULD YOU BE A DEAR AND
ER... GET ME ANOTHER WINE SPRITZER?
WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR? KEEP
HUNTER OCCUPIED WHILE I GO AFTER JAKE.
WHAT? YOU SAID YOU NEVER
WANTED TO SEE HIM AGAIN.
I MADE A MISTAKE. A
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
WHAT COULD I HAVE BEEN
THINKING? HOW COULD I LET HIM GO?
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT
MAKE HOW HE DRESSES OR EATS?
WHAT MATTERS IS,
HE'S THE MAN I LOVE.
EXCUSE ME. UM...
WHERE'S BLANCHE GOING?
UM... SHE WENT TO
POWDER HER NOSE.
AT THE DESSERT TABLE?
ER... WELL, THE POWDER STICKS BETTER IF
YOU PUT A THIN LAYER OF CARAMEL FIRST.
HUNTER, YOU LOOK SKEPTICAL.
WELL, HELLO. I DIDN'T
SEE YOU STANDING THERE.
REALLY? I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO TAKE
MY EYES OFF YOU. YOU LOOK GREAT.
JAKE, THE REASON I CAME OVER...
I WANTED TO TELL
YOU I MADE A MISTAKE.
OUR DIFFERENCES
DON'T REALLY MATTER.
BLANCHE, I ADMIRE YOU.
YOU'RE A VERY SPECIAL WOMAN.
BUT YOU DIDN'T MAKE A
MISTAKE. YOU WERE RIGHT.
BLANCHE, I'M
HAPPY. I LIKE MYSELF.
I WANT TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH SOMEBODY WHO'S
AS COMFORTABLE WITH ME AS I AM WITH THEM.
I DON'T WANT TO WONDER IF
I'M USING THE WRONG FORK.
I KNOW. YOU SAID OUR
DIFFERENCES DON'T MATTER.
BUT THEY DID BEFORE,
AND THEY WILL AGAIN.
BLANCHE, KNOWING YOU HAS
BEEN ONE OF THE BEST THINGS
THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME IN MY
WHOLE LIFE. REMEMBER THAT.
- JAKE...
- LET ME KISS YOU.
GOODBYE.
BLANCHE, WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, JAKE SAID HE THINKS WE
HAVE TOO MANY DIFFERENCES,
SO WE'RE NOT GETTING
BACK TOGETHER.
OH, BLANCHE, I'M SO SORRY.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW
I LET THIS THING HAPPEN.
I'M SO CONFUSED.
[DEEP VOICE] HONEY, YOU
THINK YOU'RE CONFUSED?
TAKE A LOOK AT OUR HORN SECTION.
BLANCHE, AREN'T YOU EVEN
GOING TO TRY TO SLEEP?
[TEARFULLY] I'M TOO UPSET.
OH, LET'S FACE IT.
I'M NOT 16 ANYMORE.
THERE'S NO LINE OF BEAUX ON THE
FRONT PORCH WAITING TO WALK ME TO TOWN.
NO MORE COTILLIONS, NO
MORE SORORITY PARTIES.
I JUST LOST THE BEST THING THAT'S
HAPPENED TO ME SINCE I MET GEORGE.
I'M JUST A STUPID OLD FOOL,
SITTING UP ALL NIGHT
WITH A BROKEN HEART.
BLANCHE DEVEREAUX, I CANNOT
BELIEVE WHAT I AM HEARING.
YOU ARE THE PRETTIEST, MOST
VIBRANT, MOST EXCITING WOMAN I KNOW.
MEN STILL LINE UP FOR YOU.
REALLY?
YOUR DANCE CARD IS GOING TO
BE FULL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER YOU
MEANT THAT OR NOT, DOROTHY,
BUT THANK YOU.
[CHUCKLES]
DAMN, I'M GOOD.