The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 12 - The Sisters - full transcript

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND

♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN

♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE

♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE

♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY

♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW

♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME

♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪

[KEY TURNS IN LOCK]

HI, MA.



[SOPHIA SIGHS]

AREN'T YOU GOING TO ASK ME
WHY I'M SITTING IN THE DARK?

I KNOW. YOUR
BIRTHDAY'S THIS WEEKEND

AND YOU'RE DEPRESSED
ABOUT BEING OLDER.

NO. I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE YOU GIVE
ME SUCH LOUSY BIRTHDAY PRESENTS.

MA, YOU WANT BETTER
PRESENTS, ADOPT MONTY HALL.

I WISH I COULD. JEWISH
SONS ARE THE BEST.

THEY GIVE GREAT
GIFTS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO

WORRY ABOUT THEM GETTING
HURT PLAYING SPORTS.

MA, TRUST ME. YOU ARE
GOING TO LOVE YOUR PRESENT.

- WHAT IS IT?
- YOU'LL FIND OUT SATURDAY.

I'M OLD. I COULD DIE BEFORE I
SEE IT. YOU'D FEEL TERRIBLE.

OF COURSE I WOULD. I GOT
IT ON SALE. I CAN'T RETURN IT.

WE JUST WENT SHOPPING
FOR SOPHIA'S PARTY.



THAT'S WHAT I
WANT TO TALK ABOUT.

IT'S HARD FINDING A PRESENT.

- WHAT ARE YOU GETTING?
- I'D RATHER NOT SAY.

- A SURPRISE.
- YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

THAT'S RIGHT.

HOW COME I DON'T GET TO KNOW?

ROSE, ROSE, ROSE, ROSE...

HOW CAN I SAY THIS
DIPLOMATICALLY?

YOU'RE A BLABBERMOUTH, ROSE.

YOU'RE A BLABBERMOUTH.

OK, SO I MADE ONE LITTLE SLIP.

SO I TOLD HARRIET WEBSTER YOU HAD
YOUR EARS PINNED BACK IN COLLEGE.

DOROTHY, YOU HAD
YOUR EARS PINNED BACK.

WHAT DID THEY USE,
A BIG EAR STAPLER?

OK, SO I MADE A
FEW LITTLE SLIPS.

BUT I CAN KEEP A SECRET.
I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.

IF I SPILL THE BEANS, I'LL GIVE
YOU MY MOST PRIZED POSSESSION.

NO, ROSE, I COULDN'T DO THAT.

I COULDN'T ACCEPT
YOUR FAVORITE ALBUM,

HANS KLABNERMEYER
YODELS BEETHOVEN.

ACTUALLY, I AM GOING TO
TELL YOU WHAT I'M GETTING MA,

BECAUSE I NEED YOUR HELP. WAIT.

[SOPHIA] OH, MY NOSE!

MA, QUIT LISTENING AT THE DOOR.

I'M FLYING MY MOTHER'S SISTER
ANGELA OVER FROM SICILY.

AND SHE'S BRINGING THE SURPRISE?

ROSE, SHE IS THE SURPRISE.

OH.

THEY HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER

SINCE ANGELA MOVED
BACK TO SICILY 30 YEARS AGO.

OH, THAT'S A WONDERFUL SURPRISE!

I NEED YOUR HELP
TO SET UP THE PARTY

AND KEEP MA OUT OF THE
HOUSE WHILE I PICK UP ANGELA.

[BANG]

MA, GET AWAY FROM THE BACK DOOR.

HAVE YOU GOT EYES IN
THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD?

MA, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST RELAX
AND ENJOY YOUR SURPRISE?

BECAUSE THE LAST SURPRISE I GOT

WAS WALKING IN ON COUSIN VITO
PARADING AROUND IN MY GIRDLE.

YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE THIS ONE, SOPHIA.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? WHAT ABOUT
THE BLABBERMOUTH, DOES SHE KNOW?

MAYBE.

SHE KNOWS.

ROSE, AFTER DINNER,
WHAT DO YOU SAY

WE RIDE OVER TO THE DAIRY QUEEN
FOR CHOCOLATE CONES? MY TREAT.

WITH RAINBOW SPRINKLES?
THEY'RE FIVE CENTS EXTRA.

WHAT THE HELL? I'M A SPORT.

ARE YOU STILL HERE?
DOROTHY'S DUE BACK WITH ANGELA.

SOPHIA KEEPS FINDING
EXCUSES NOT TO GO SHOPPING.

[WEAKLY] I'M READY, ROSE.

SOPHIA, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I SAW THE DOCTOR
YESTERDAY AND HE...

I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT. LET'S GO.

WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT IS IT?

YOU DRAGGED IT OUT OF
ME. MY HEART IS A TIME BOMB.

BUT DON'T BE CONCERNED. EVEN THOUGH
I'VE ONLY MADE LOVE IN ONE POSITION,

I'VE LED A VERY FULL LIFE.

- LET'S GO.
- WAIT A MINUTE.

ISN'T THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO?

HE SAYS ANY LITTLE SHOCK
OR SURPRISE AND IT'S KABOOM.

I GUESS ALL WE CAN DO IS PRAY.

UNLESS YOU KNOW OF
ANY SURPRISES, ROSE?

SOPHIA, NOW, YOU STOP
TRYING TO TRICK ROSE,

JUST BECAUSE SHE'S WEAK
AND VULNERABLE AND DIM-WITTED.

YEAH.

OK, BLANCHE, I GIVE UP.
ROSE, LET'S GO SHOPPING.

SORRY YOU GOT STUCK
SHOPPING WITH ME.

I REALIZE DOROTHY
IS FORCING YOU.

- NO, SHE ISN'T.
- YES, SHE IS.

SHE ALWAYS TAKES TERRIBLE
ADVANTAGE OF YOU, ROSE.

- WE SHOULD GO.
- WAIT. LISTEN.

AT THE MOVIES, WHO ALWAYS
STANDS IN LINE FOR THE POPCORN?

I DO.

- WHO ALWAYS LIFTS UP FURNITURE?
- I DO.

WHEN WE CLEAN THE
KITCHEN, WHO ALWAYS MOPS?

- DOROTHY.
- WHO CLEANS THE MOP?

I DO.

SHE TAKES ADVANTAGE, ROSE,
AND IT'S TIME YOU STOOD UP TO HER.

THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE
PRESENT. SPEAKING OF PRESENTS...

ROSE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I ASKED YOU TO TAKE MA SHOPPING.

TAKE YOUR MOP AND PUT IT
WHERE HERRING DON'T SWIM.

I WAS THIS CLOSE.

DOROTHY, YOU'RE
HOME. WHERE'S ANGELA?

STILL OUT IN THE CAR.

AUNT ANGELA, YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO WAIT IN THE CAR.

- DID ANYONE SEE YOU?
- RELAX.

SOMEBODY PASSED BY AND I
MADE LIKE I WAS A LAWN JOCKEY.

I THINK IT WORKED. HIS
DOG TRIED TO PEE ON ME.

AUNT ANGELA, PLEASE MEET
MY DEAR FRIEND BLANCHE.

BLANCHE, THIS IS MY AUNT ANGELA.

PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
SHALL I GET ANGELA'S LUGGAGE?

- SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY LUGGAGE.
- I NEVER TRAVEL WITH LUGGAGE.

EVER SINCE I FOUND A
DEAD MAN IN MY SUITCASE.

YOU FOUND A DEAD
MAN IN YOUR SUITCASE?

RIGHT. PICTURE IT.

NEW YORK CITY. 1956.

I WAS A YOUNG WIDOW
RETURNING TO SICILY.

THERE I WAS ON THE BOAT ALONE,

WATCHING LADY LIBERTY
GROW SMALLER IN THE DISTANCE.

WHEN SUDDENLY I HEARD A VOICE
FROM THE VICINITY OF MY KNEES.

I LOOKED DOWN.

THERE WAS A MIDGET.

IT TURNS OUT THAT HIS
NAME WAS PEEWEE BONBUNZI,

AND HE WAS FLEEING FROM THE MOB.

FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS, WE ATE
TOGETHER, LAUGHED TOGETHER,

AND WENT FOR SHORT
WALKS IN CIRCLES.

AND THEN, ONE DAY, SUDDENLY
PEEWEE DISAPPEARED.

WELL, WE DOCKED IN SICILY.

I WAS GOING THROUGH CUSTOMS.

I NOTICED A STRANGE ODOR
COMING FROM MY SUITCASE.

I THOUGHT IT WAS THE VEAL SHANK
I WAS BRINGING FOR MOTHER'S DAY.

BUT WHEN THE CUSTOMS
MAN OPENED THE SUITCASE,

THERE WAS PEEWEE.

SOMEONE HAD STUFFED
HIM IN MY SUITCASE

BETWEEN THE VEAL SHANK
AND MY BEAVER COAT.

WELL, THE MOB HAD
GOTTEN PEEWEE AFTER ALL.

OH, YOU MUST HAVE
BEEN HEARTBROKEN.

I WAS ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED.

I MEAN, FIRST I HAD TO BURN THE
SUITCASE AND THEN THE BEAVER COAT.

AND THE VEAL SHANK
NEVER DID TASTE RIGHT.

AUNT ANGELA, YOU MADE THAT UP.

HEY, I'M 80. AS LONG
AS I KEEP TALKING,

I KNOW MY HEART
IS STILL BEATING.

ANGELA, MAY I OFFER
YOU SOMETHING TO EAT?

AS LONG AS IT ISN'T VEAL.
IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF PEEWEE.

I HAD SOME ON THE PLANE.

MA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?

MY SHOPPING LIST
IS IN THE KITCHEN.

THERE YOU ARE, SOPHIA. SHE
OUTSMARTED ME, DOROTHY.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

I MEAN, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

WE WERE BACKING
DOWN THE DRIVEWAY

AND SOPHIA SAID I
RAN OVER MRS. STOFER.

AND YOU BELIEVED HER?

WELL, I HAD TO CHECK.

LAST WEEK I PINNED HER TO
THE FENCE ON A RIGHT TURN.

I'LL GET MY SHOPPING LIST.

I HAVE YOUR SHOPPING LIST.

EVERYONE IS HAPPY WITH THE
POSSIBLE EXCEPTION OF MRS. STOFER.

ENJOY YOUR SHOPPING.

WHY DON'T I SHOW ANGELA
WHERE SHE'LL BE STAYING?

GET YOURSELF SETTLED AND
THEN WE'LL CATCH UP ON FAMILY.

OK. YOU KNOW,
BLANCHE HERE COULD BE

THE IDENTICAL TWIN OF
YOUR COUSIN APOLLONIA.

APOLLONIA WAS A
STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

THANK YOU.

EXCEPT FOR THAT
HUGE DONKEY BUTT.

HI, MA, ARE YOU HAVING FUN?

NO, GIVE ME MY PRESENT.

NOT UNTIL AFTER WE SLICE

MY LOOKS-LIKE-CHOCOLATE,
TASTES-LIKE-SPICE,

YOU'LL-WISH-YOU-HAD-
A-BIGGER-SLICE MARBLE CAKE.

- KNOW WHERE IT GOT ITS NAME?
- NO, GIVE ME MY PRESENT.

I'LL GO GET THE CANDLES.

ROSE, I'VE GOT TO
CONGRATULATE YOU.

YOU MADE IT WITHOUT
GIVING AWAY MY PRESENT.

YOU STOP TRYING
TO MAKE ME TELL YOU.

RELAX, ROSE. DOROTHY
ALREADY TOLD ME WHAT IT IS.

- SHE DID?
- YEAH, WHAT A PRESENT.

BOY, WAS I SURPRISED!

DOROTHY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D
ALREADY TOLD SOPHIA HER SURPRISE WAS...

ROSE.

OH, ALRIGHT, MA.

YOU'LL GET YOUR
PRESENT RIGHT NOW.

I GIVE UP. YOU WIN.
YOU ALWAYS WIN.

I KNOW. ME AND MIGHTY MOUSE.

ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY,
GATHER ROUND.

MY DAUGHTER IS ABOUT TO GIVE
ME MY BIG BIRTHDAY SURPRISE.

I JUST WANT TO SAY HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO MY MOTHER,

WHOM I LOVE VERY, VERY MUCH.

AND I JUST HOPE THAT
YOU LOVE THIS PRESENT...

AS MUCH AS I LOVE
GIVING IT TO YOU.

OK, BLANCHE!

ANGELA?

NO, GINA LOLLOBRIGIDA.

THIS IS MY SURPRISE?

YES.

- OH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MA.
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY?

YOU CALL THIS OLD BAG A PRESENT?

YOU BROUGHT ME ALL THE WAY
FROM SICILY TO BE INSULTED?

I HATE THAT WOMAN!

I HATE HER DOUBLE!

- DID YOU GET 'EM TALKING?
- NOPE.

I JUST SPENT A HALF HOUR

OUT IN THE HALL TALKING
TO TWO CLOSED DOORS.

DON'T FEEL BAD. SOMETIMES I TALK TO
THE LITTLE PIGS ON MY SHOWER CURTAIN.

I WAS TRYING TO TALK TO
MY MOTHER AND AUNT ANGELA.

BUT THEY WOULDN'T TALK
TO ME OR EACH OTHER.

I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT TURNS
BLOOD RELATIVES INTO ENEMIES. JEALOUSY.

I OUGHT TO KNOW. YOU SEE, I WAS
A DEVASTATINGLY BEAUTIFUL CHILD.

PINK CHEEKS, CUTE
LITTLE BUTTON NOSE,

RED RUBY LIPS, ADORABLE,
LITTLE RINGLET CURLS.

I WAS THE TALLEST BABY IN
THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK

AND HAD A RASH ON
MY HEAD TILL I WAS TWO.

OH.

MY SISTER CHARMAINE WAS
INSANELY JEALOUS OF ME

FROM WHEN I WAS A
GORGEOUS LITTLE INFANT.

SHE WAS ONE YEAR AHEAD AND
WE'D COMPETE FOR EVERYTHING.

BUT THERE WAS ONE THING
CHARMAINE DID EXCEL AT.

CHEERLEADING.

NOT ONLY COULD SHE TWIRL
THAT BATON LIKE A PROPELLER,

BUT KNEW EVERY
CHEER IN THE COUNTY.

AND SHE COULD TWIST HER
BODY INTO THE SHAPE OF AN R.

CHARMAINE DECIDED IT WAS
HER TURN IN THE SPOTLIGHT.

SHE CHALLENGED ME
TO COMPETE AGAINST HER

FOR CAPTAIN OF THE
CHEERLEADING SQUAD.

WE HAD TO PERFORM IN
FRONT OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL,

AND CHARMAINE WAS FANTASTIC.

SHE TWIRLED THOSE
BATONS SO FAST,

SHE LOOKED LIKE A DC3
COMING IN FOR A LANDING.

THEN IT WAS MY TURN.

SO I DID SOME CARTWHEELS
AND ONLY FELL ONCE.

I DID A HANDSTAND AND
ALMOST GOT MY BALANCE.

AND I ONLY DROPPED
MY BATON FOUR TIMES.

AND WHEN I WAS FINISHED,

I WAS UNANIMOUSLY VOTED CAPTAIN
OF THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD.

BLANCHE, HOW WAS THAT POSSIBLE?

UNDERNEATH MY
REGULATION UNIFORM,

I WAS WEARING LITTLE,
BLACK FRENCH LACE PANTIES.

BEARING THE WORDS "BONJOUR".

OR WAS IT "BON APPETIT"?

I DON'T REMEMBER. ANYWAY,
IT WAS SOMETHING IN FRENCH.

I GUESS, NOBODY MINDED I
COULDN'T DO A HANDSTAND,

BUT THEY SURELY DID
APPRECIATE ME TRYING.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

BLANCHE, JUST ONCE, WHY
COULDN'T YOU LET YOUR SISTER WIN?

I TOLD YOU. JEALOUSY
IS A TERRIBLE THING.

THAT'LL TEACH CHARMAINE
TO BE DADDY'S FAVORITE.

GIRLS, THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY
WE'RE GOING TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.

WE HAVE TO FIND OUT WHAT
SOPHIA AND ANGELA ARE MAD ABOUT.

AND THEN FORCE
THEM TO SETTLE IT.

IT'S LIKE THAT OLD
SCANDINAVIAN SAYING.

"YOU CAN LET TWO ANGRY
MACKEREL FIGHT IT OUT IN A PURSE,

BUT DON'T PLAN ON CARRYING
THAT PURSE TO A FORMAL AFFAIR."

WELL, IT LOSES
A LITTLE IN THE...

[BLANCHE AND
DOROTHY] TRANSLATION.

BUT THE POINT OF IT IS, IT'S HUMAN
NATURE TO WANT TO MAKE UP.

PEOPLE STAY ANGRY OUT OF HABIT.

IF WE CAN JUST GET ANGELA AND
SOPHIA TO TALK, THEY'LL DO THE REST.

- SOUNDS LOGICAL TO ME.
- TO ME, TOO.

BUT DON'T FORGET WE'RE
DEALING WITH TWO OLD WOMEN

WHO THINK THAT BOILS ON A
MAN ARE A SIGN OF VIRILITY.

I MEAN, LOGIC DOESN'T
EXACTLY APPLY HERE.

- AT LEAST WE CAN GIVE IT A TRY.
- ROSE IS RIGHT.

YOU TAKE ANGELA,
WE'LL TAKE SOPHIA.

FINE. AT THIS POINT
I'LL TRY ANYTHING.

I THOUGHT IT WAS THE
SIZE OF A MAN'S FEET

THAT WERE A SIGN OF VIRILITY.

I THOUGHT IT WAS THE
NUMBER OF NEWSPAPERS

PILED OUTSIDE THE
MOTEL ROOM DOOR.

AUNT ANGELA, PLEASE.

WE HAVE TO TALK.

WHAT'S TO TALK ABOUT?

YOUR MOTHER'S A
STUBBORN OLD GOAT,

WHO APPARENTLY PAYS A BUCK
AND A HALF TO HAVE HER HAIR DONE.

WHAT IS GOING ON
BETWEEN YOU TWO?

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I SPENT WEEKS WORKING
ON THIS SURPRISE,

ONLY TO HAVE IT BLOW UP IN MY
FACE. I DESERVE TO KNOW WHY.

OK.

OK, YOU WANT TO KNOW
SO BAD, I'LL TELL YOU.

PICTURE IT.

NEW YORK CITY. CHRISTMAS 1955.

IT'S FRANCESCA RAGOUSO'S
ANNUAL CHRISTMAS BASH.

EVERYBODY IS THERE,

EATING, DRINKING,
GUZZLING THE PEPTO-BISMOL.

FRANCESCA'S A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,

BUT SHE MAKES A MANICOTTI LIKE
YOU COULD ANCHOR A BOAT WITH.

OH, WELL, AS USUAL SOPHIA'S
STATIONED AT THE EGGNOG

AND SHE'S DRINKING RIGHT FROM
THE BOWL THROUGH A SWIZZLE STICK.

MY HUSBAND CARMINE WALKS IN
AND PASSES UNDER THE MISTLETOE.

SHE MAKES A BEELINE TO
HIM AND GIVES HIM SUCH A KISS

SHE PRACTICALLY SUCKS
THE BEARD OFF HIS FACE.

I DON'T REMEMBER UNCLE
CARMINE HAVING A BEARD.

HE WAS IN A SANTA SUIT WITH
ONE OF THOSE HOOK-ON BEARDS.

WELL, I MEAN, I CAN'T
BELIEVE WHAT I'M LOOKING AT.

I YANK HER INTO THE PANTRY AND I
SAY, "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

SHE SAYS SHE THOUGHT CUNIO THE
BOOKMAKER WAS IN THE SANTA SUIT.

I SAY, "THAT'S A LIE!"

WE HAVE A BIG FIGHT ABOUT IT.

SHE DENIES THE WHOLE THING
AND WE NEVER SPEAK AGAIN.

THAT WAS 30 YEARS AGO.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU
SHOULD TALK TO EACH OTHER?

I WON'T SAY ONE WORD
UNLESS SHE APOLOGIZES.

THAT'S THE ONLY
REASON I CAME HERE.

AUNT ANGELA, PLEASE!

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT FAMILY HERE.

WON'T YOU TRY TO WORK IT OUT?

DO IT FOR YOUR FAVORITE NIECE.

WHAT'S YOUR COUSIN
GRAZIELLA GOT TO DO WITH THIS?

PLEASE, JUST DO
IT. PLEASE. PLEASE!

- PRETTY PLEASE.
- OH, ALRIGHT. DON'T BEG.

YOU SOUND JUST LIKE
YOUR UNCLE CARMINE

AFTER HE'D BEEN
AWAY ON A GOAT DRIVE.

- [BLANCHE] YOU WON'T TELL US?
- NOPE.

THAT'S YOUR CHOICE, BUT
YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE.

THE SAME THING HAPPENED
IN MY FAMILY ONCE.

- MY COUSIN ASTRID...
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.

PICTURE IT. NEW YORK CITY.

CHRISTMAS, 1955.

FRANCESCA RAGOUSO'S
ANNUAL CHRISTMAS BASH.

EVERYONE WAS THERE INCLUDING THE
NEIGHBORHOOD HEARTTHROB SALVADORE DE MILO.

ALL THE WOMEN ADORE SALVADORE -

THE ONLY GUY IN THE
ROOM WITH A NECK.

ANYWAY, I'M FEELING
A LITTLE QUEASY.

FRANCESCA MAKES A GREAT
PARTY, BUT SHE BAKES A MANICOTTI

YOU COULD ANCHOR A BOAT WITH.

SO I GO UPSTAIRS FOR A SELTZER

WHEN SUDDENLY SALVADORE
GRABS ME FROM BEHIND

AND BEGINS
PASSIONATELY KISSING ME.

BEING A RESPECTABLE
MARRIED WOMAN...

I COP A FEW GOOD FEELS.

I PUSH HIM AWAY AND
RUN BACK TO THE PARTY.

I TELL THE ONLY PERSON IN THE
WORLD I TRUST. MY SISTER ANGELA.

FIVE MINUTES LATER, EVERYBODY
AT THE PARTY IS TALKING ABOUT IT.

I DRAG ANGELA INTO THE PANTRY AND ASK
HER HOW SHE COULD BETRAY HER OWN SISTER.

WE HAVE A BIG FIGHT,
SHE DENIES EVERYTHING

AND WE NEVER SPEAK AGAIN.

BUT, SOPHIA, HONEY,
THAT WAS 30 YEARS AGO.

ISN'T IT TIME TO
FORGIVE AND FORGET?

FORGET I DO PLENTY.
I NEVER FORGIVE.

BUT ANGELA'S YOUR SISTER.

IF SHE WANTS TO TALK TO ME,
SHE KNOWS WHERE TO FIND ME.

- IN THE CLOSET.
- MA.

ANGELA HAS SOMETHING
SHE'D LIKE TO SAY.

SO DOES SOPHIA.

HELLO.

YEAH, HELLO.

YOUR HAIR GOT WHITE.

SO DID YOURS.

YOU STILL GOT THAT CAT?

THE SAME CAT I HAD 30 YEARS AGO?

FINE. YOU ASK THE QUESTIONS.

- DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
- LET'S NOT LOSE OUR TEMPERS.

IF YOU DON'T APOLOGIZE,
WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE?

- WHY SHOULD I APOLOGIZE?
- I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BACKSTABBING
JUDAS IN SENSIBLE SHOES.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?

YOU'RE A TWO-LIRA TRAMP
WITH CHEAP BRIDGEWORK.

MAY YOU PUT YOUR
DENTURES IN UPSIDE DOWN

AND CHEW YOUR HEAD OFF!

MAY YOUR LEGS GROW
OLD AND GNARLED

AND WITHERED LIKE
AN OLIVE BRANCH.

YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY.

MAY YOUR MOLES GROW HAIR
THICKER THAN JERRY VALE'S.

MAY YOUR MARINARA SAUCE
NEVER CLING TO YOUR PASTA.

THAT'S IT.

COME HERE AND
SAY THAT TO MY FACE!

AUNT ANGELA, YOU
REALLY DON'T HAVE TO GO.

DOROTHY, I'D LIKE TO STAY,
BUT I HATE YOUR MOTHER.

GOODBYE, LADIES, AND
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

- SHE'S STILL HERE?
- NO, I LEFT AN HOUR AGO.

- WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
- AT LEAST SAY GOODBYE.

LIKE CIVILIZED HUMAN BEINGS.

THAT'S IT. I GIVE UP.

MA, GOODBYE. ANGELA, LET'S GO.

NO, WAIT.

I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY.

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL,
THERE WERE TWO PEOPLE

I ADMIRED MORE THAN
ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD.

MY MOTHER AND MY FAVORITE AUNT.

NOW THE TWO OF YOU ARE AT EACH
OTHER'S THROATS AND IT'S BREAKING MY HEART.

SO MY MOTHER KISSED YOUR
HUSBAND AT SOME STUPID PARTY.

WHAT DOES IT MATTER NOW?

YOU REALIZE THAT THIS
MAY BE THE LAST TIME

YOU TWO SEE EACH OTHER EVER?

IS THIS THE WAY YOU WANT
THINGS LEFT BETWEEN YOU?

WAIT. ARE YOU REFERRING TO

FRANCESCA RAGOUSO'S
CHRISTMAS PARTY BACK IN '55?

THE ONE WHERE
YOU KISSED CARMINE.

WHAT? I NEVER KISSED CARMINE.
YOU NEVER EVEN KISSED CARMINE.

I REMEMBER IT LIKE
IT WAS YESTERDAY.

YOU WORE A GREEN SATIN DRESS

AND A FRINGED SHAWL WHICH
YOU DID EVERYTHING BUT SLEEP IN.

YOU'RE CRAZY. I LENT MY
SHAWL TO MARIA FENESTRU.

WHO?

MARIA, THE ONE WITH
THE HUGE BREASTS.

THERE WAS NO ENTERTAINMENT, SO THE
MEN PITCHED PENNIES INTO HER CLEAVAGE.

SHE WALKED OFF WITH $19 OF MY
HUSBAND'S HARD-EARNED MONEY.

SHE WAS WEARING
THE FRINGED SHAWL!

ARE YOU SAYING IT WAS MARIA
WHO CAME ON TO CARMINE?

HIM AND EVERY OTHER MALE THERE.

SO WHY AM I MAD AT YOU?

I'M MAD AT YOU. YOU BETRAYED ME.

I NEVER BETRAYED
ANYBODY IN MY LIFE.

BULL. YOU TOLD EVERYBODY
SALVADORE DE MILO TRIED TO KISS ME.

- I NEVER TOLD A SOUL.
- NOBODY ELSE KNEW BUT YOU.

WE WERE ALONE WHEN
I SPILLED MY GUTS OUT.

WE WEREN'T ALONE. VINNY JAMALA
WAS DRUNK UNDER THE TABLE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
DON'T REMEMBER.

HE THREW UP ON YOUR SHOE.

THAT WAS VINNY?

HE MUST HAVE OVERHEARD
EVERYTHING. HE BLABBED YOUR SECRET.

- THEN YOU NEVER BETRAYED ME?
- OF COURSE NOT.

- YOU'RE MY SISTER.
- ANGELA.

SOPHIA.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

- I THINK IT'S SWEET.
- I THINK I'M GOING TO CRY.

I THINK THEY SHOULD
BOTH BE COMMITTED.