The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 11 - 'Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas - full transcript

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND

♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN

♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE

♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE

♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY

♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW

♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME

♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪

ROSE? DOROTHY?

SOPHIA?



THE COAST IS CLEAR.
COME ON IN, ED.

MY ROOMMATES ARE OUT SHOPPING,

SO WE HAVE THE
PLACE TO OURSELVES.

IT'S TIME TO FIND OUT
WHO'S NAUGHTY OR NICE.

DIDN'T YOU HAVE THE BEST TIME
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING, DOROTHY?

I LOVED IT. BEING PUSHED AND SHOVED
ALL DAY SO I CAN BUY GIFTS I CAN'T AFFORD.

IT'S A REGULAR YULETIDE TREAT.

- YOU'VE BEEN GROUCHY ALL DAY.
- I'M SORRY, ROSE.

I'M SAD BECAUSE CHRISTMAS DOESN'T HAVE
ANY MEANING ANYMORE. IT'S SO COMMERCIAL.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

THE THREE WISE MEN IN
BURDINES' NATIVITY SCENE

WERE WEARING RALPH
LAUREN SKI PARKAS.

CATCH ME, CATCH ME, CATCH ME!

LET ME TAKE A WILD GUESS.



YOU DIDN'T EXPECT
US HOME THIS EARLY.

- I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET...
- WE KNOW WHO HE IS, BLANCHE.

SANTA, HOW COULD YOU?

ROSE, THIS IS ED KLETNER. HE
WORKS AT THE MALL. HE'S ON HIS BREAK.

SANTA IS NEVER OFF DUTY, MISTER.

IN THAT UNIFORM, THE
ONLY THING ON YOUR MIND

SHOULD BE GIVING PEOPLE
WHAT THEY WANT FOR CHRISTMAS.

HE WAS TRYING TO, ROSE.

I SAW BLANCHE'S LIST.

GET YOUR CAP, GET YOUR
BEARD AND GET MOVING.

ROSE!

I HAD TO WAIT FOR A
HOUR TO SIT ON HIS LAP.

TOUGH HOLLY.

- WHAT WOULD MRS. CLAUS SAY?
- NOT TO MENTION MRS. KLETNER.

- WHO WAS THAT?
- HE'S A SANTA CLAUS.

YOU'RE KIDDING. I THOUGHT
IT WAS FIDEL CASTRO.

- WHAT WAS HE DOING HERE?
- BLANCHE PICKED HIM UP
AT THE MALL.

I CAN'T HELP IT. A MAN IN A SANTA
CLAUS SUIT DRIVES ME ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.

MAYBE IT'S THE WARMTH OF ALL
THAT RED, HOT, SWEATY FLANNEL.

SET AGAINST THE AUSTERE COLDNESS

OF THOSE BLACK PATENT
LEATHER JACKBOOTS.

OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THOSE
ROSY CHEEKS AND TWINKLING EYES

BESPEAK A PASSION ABOUT TO ERUPT

FROM A MAN WHO SPENT A LONELY
YEAR COOPED UP WITH DWARVES.

I'M NOT SURE. BUT
THE SIGHT OF A SANTA

SETS MY BODY AFLAME
WITH UNBRIDLED DESIRE.

BLANCHE, YOU DO REALIZE
YOU'RE IN THE MINORITY ON THIS?

- DID YOU FINISH YOUR SHOPPING?
- YEAH, JUST ABOUT.

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE HOW
MUCH THINGS COST NOWADAYS.

I JUST SPENT $89 FOR A DOLL
FOR MY GRANDDAUGHTER.

MA, YOU HAD $89?

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. I CHARGED
MY GIFTS WITH YOUR CREDIT CARD.

YOU'RE TAKING THEM BACK.

EVEN THE BEAUTIFUL CASHMERE
SWEATER I GOT FOR BLANCHE?

CASHMERE? I LOVE CASHMERE.

DON'T TELL ME. TELL SCROOGE.

ROSE, I HOPE YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR
HEART SET ON A VIDEO RECORDER.

YOU BOUGHT ME A VIDEO RECORDER?

I BOUGHT YOU A VIDEO RECORDER!

TWO VIDEO RECORDERS?

WOW. THIS IS GOING TO BE
THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

HOW DID YOU THINK
I'D PAY FOR ALL THIS?

ON TIME. LOOSEN UP THE
MOUSETRAP A LITTLE. IT'S CHRISTMAS.

YOU SEE WHAT THIS HOLIDAY
HAS BECOME? YOU SEE?

EVERYBODY THINKS YOU SHOW
SOMEONE YOU CARE BY GOING INTO DEBT.

WHERE IS THE LOVE?
WHERE'S THE SHARING?

WHERE IS THE TRUE
SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS?

NEIMAN MARCUS, LADIES'
APPAREL, THIRD FLOOR.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, DOROTHY.

I'VE SPENT TOO MUCH
AGAIN THIS YEAR.

GIRLS, I HAVE A TERRIFIC IDEA.

BEFORE WE GO HOME TO SPEND
CHRISTMAS WITH OUR FAMILIES,

WHY NOT HAVE A
CELEBRATION RIGHT HERE?

ST. OLAF STYLE.

I WILL NOT DRINK EGGNOG WHILE
WEARING A CAST-IRON BRASSIERE.

WE DON'T DO THAT AT CHRISTMAS.

WE DO THAT AT EASTER.

AT CHRISTMAS WE EXCHANGE
GIFTS WE MAKE FOR EACH OTHER.

ROSE, THAT IS A GREAT IDEA.

WE'LL RETURN ALL THOSE
MEANINGLESS IMPERSONAL GIFTS

THAT WE ALWAYS
BUY FOR EACH OTHER

AND MAKE SOMETHING THAT
COMES FROM THE HEART.

- THAT'S A TERRIFIC IDEA.
- WHAT DO YOU SAY, MA?

UNLESS YOU MAKE A LAMB'S-WOOL
JACKET WITH A FAKE FUR COLLAR,

MY HEART STAYS WITH NEIMAN
MARCUS LADIES' APPAREL, THIRD FLOOR.

THIS ONE'S FROM ME, DOROTHY.

THEY'RE POPULAR BACK HOME.
IT TOOK ME A WEEK TO WHITTLE IT.

OH, ROSE.

- DO YOU LIKE IT?
- LIKE IT? OH, HONEY, I LOVE IT.

WHO WOULDN'T LOVE
A WOODEN BROOCH

IN THE SHAPE OF A TURKEY'S HEAD?

OH, NO. NO, THAT'S A
MAPLE SYRUP SPIGOT.

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE TOOK
BACK? PEARL EARRINGS.

- THE ONES I FELL IN LOVE WITH?
- YEP. HO, HO, HO.

OH, MA. WHO CARES?

ROSE, I LOVE IT.

THIS'LL COME IN A LOT
HANDIER THAN PEARL EARRINGS,

WHEN I'M LOST IN THE WOODS
WITH A STACK OF PANCAKES.

DOROTHY.

I WANNA GIVE YOU
ALL MY GIFT NEXT.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS
SUCH A CUTE IDEA,

I MADE THE SAME FOR
EACH OF YOU. HERE. SOPHIA.

"THE MEN OF BLANCHE'S BOUDOIR."

IT'S A CALENDAR.

EACH MONTH HAS
THE PICTURE OF A MAN

WHO'S BROUGHT SOME
SPECIAL JOY INTO MY LIFE.

OH, BLANCHE. OH, HONEY.
THIS IS SO THOUGHTFUL.

WHOA.

- SEPTEMBER?
- YEP.

I'M SURPRISED YOU
COULD WALK IN OCTOBER.

JUST THINK, GIRLS,
TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS EVE,

AND WE'LL BE BACK
HOME WITH OUR FAMILIES.

[SIGHS] THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE CHRISTMAS IN MINNESOTA.

UNLESS IT'S
CHRISTMAS IN NEW YORK.

A LIGHT SNOW FALLING
OVER FIFTH AVENUE,

ICE SKATERS AT
ROCKEFELLER CENTER,

SANTAS ON EVERY STREET CORNER.

REALLY?

I GUESS MY VERY FAVORITE
CHRISTMAS EVER WAS IN NEW YORK.

IT WAS CHRISTMAS 1932.
YOU REMEMBER, MA?

DO I REMEMBER?

NO.

MY FAMILY DOESN'T STAY
IN TOUCH DURING THE YEAR,

BUT COME CHRISTMAS WE ALL
MANAGE TO MAKE IT BACK HOME.

I GUESS THAT'S WHAT
CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT.

- I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
- I GUESS WE ALL ARE.

WE SHOULD GET SOME REST.
WE HAVE A BIG DAY TOMORROW.

I HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING.
CAN YOU GIRLS PICK ME UP?

NO PROBLEM, HONEY.

COMING TO BED, MA?

I THOUGHT I'D SIT
AND LOOK AT THE TREE.

IT SURE IS BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?

- I THINK I'LL KEEP YOU COMPANY.
- THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

I HATE TO SEE A
PLEASANT EVENING END.

ME TOO.

♪ THE FIRST NOEL
♪ THE ANGELS DID SAY

- [BOTH] ♪ W...
- DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT...

ONE CHRISTMAS WE TRIED
TO LAUNCH A PRODUCTION

OF A CHRISTMAS CAROL
WITH AN ALL-CHICKEN CAST.

- LOOK AT THE TIME.
- IS IT THAT LATE? I'M SO TIRED.

MR. THURBER, I DON'T QUITE
UNDERSTAND YOUR PROBLEM.

THEN I GUESS I DON'T HAVE ONE.

MR. THURBER, THIS IS A CRISIS
CENTER. I'M A TRAINED COUNSELOR.

DON'T BE EMBARRASSED
ABOUT OPENING UP TO ME.

WHATEVER'S BOTHERING
YOU, I KNOW I CAN HELP YOU.

OK.

IN THE PAST WEEK, I'VE LOST
MY JOB, MY WIFE, MY GIRLFRIEND,

MY HOUSE, MY CAR
AND ALL MY MONEY.

AND THEN JUST TODAY I'VE SERIOUSLY
GOTTEN INTO PLAYING WITH MATCHES.

YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE THE
PROFESSIONAL SERVICES OF DR. ESCOBAR.

HE'LL BE BACK FROM LUNCH
SOON. WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT.

MR. THOMPSON. YOU'RE NEXT.

EXCUSE ME. ROSE, LET'S
GO. MA'S WAITING IN THE CAR.

I'LL ONLY BE A
MINUTE. HAVE A SEAT.

HELLO.

HELLO.

DO YOU HAVE A MATCH?

I THINK SO.

LET'S SEE.

HERE YOU GO.

THANKS.

HAVE YOU EVER LOOKED AT
FIRE? I MEAN, REALLY LOOKED AT IT.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S AMAZING TO THINK HOW
MUCH DAMAGE IT COULD DO

IF IT FELL INTO THE WRONG HANDS.

ROSE...

ARE YOU GOING TO BE
VERY MUCH LONGER?

NOT NOW, DOROTHY. THIS MAN IS VERY
DOWN ABOUT HIS FINANCIAL SITUATION.

HE WAS A PRINCIPAL BACKER
OF HOWARD THE DUCK.

GOING SOMEWHERE FOR CHRISTMAS?

YES, I'M GOING HOME
TO SEE MY FAMILY.

GEE, I WISH I WAS GOING
SOMEWHERE FOR CHRISTMAS.

BUT MY FAMILY DISOWNED ME.

THEY'RE EMBARRASSED
BECAUSE I'M AN ARTIST.

WHAT KIND OF ARTIST?

AN UNSUCCESSFUL ONE. I
HAVEN'T SOLD A PAINTING IN A YEAR.

I HAVEN'T EATEN IN A WEEK.

I BURNED MY BRUSHES
JUST TO STAY WARM.

WOW, THAT MUST
HAVE BEEN BEAUTIFUL.

I HATE TO SEE AN ARTIST SUFFER.

LOOK HERE, $20. YOU HAVE
CHRISTMAS DINNER ON ME. GO ON.

I'LL SEE YOU AFTER
THE FIRST OF THE YEAR.

AND HAPPY NEW YEAR.

- RIGHT, I'M READY TO GO.
- THANKS FOR THE MONEY.

- DID YOU GIVE MR. MEYER MONEY?
- YES, HE'S A STARVING ARTIST.

HE OWNS THE MOST SUCCESSFUL
WIDE-SIZE SHOE STORE IN THE CITY.

HE'S A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.

- I AM NOT.
- SEE?

WHO CARES? COME ON,
ROSE. WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[GASPS] OH!

HELLO THERE, TALL,
DARK AND JOLLY.

BLANCHE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
TALK TO A COUNSELOR TOO.

OH, LOOK! SANTA'S COME TO
SPREAD SOME CHRISTMAS CHEER.

GREAT.

GOOD LUCK WITH
THESE GLOOMY GUSES.

HOLD IT!

NO ONE'S GOING ANYWHERE.

WE DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU
TROUBLE. TAKE OUR MONEY.

I'M NOT HERE TO ROB ANYBODY.

I'M SANTA'S HELPER FOR
GOD'S SAKES. GIVE ME A BREAK.

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?

I WANTED TO SHARE AN
OLD-FASHIONED CHRISTMAS WITH OTHERS.

AT GUNPOINT?

WOULD YOU SPEND CHRISTMAS
WITH ME IF I JUST ASKED YOU?

NO.

WELL...

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SPEND CHRISTMAS
WITH A BUNCH OF TOTAL STRANGERS?

HAS TO BE BETTER
THAN SPENDING IT ALONE.

SEE, CHRISTMAS FOR ME
IS... WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

CHRISTMAS HAS ALWAYS BEEN ROTTEN
AND LONELY AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER.

I ALWAYS HAVE THE CHRISTMAS
SPIRIT, BUT NO ONE NOTICES.

I NEVER GET GIFTS,
CARDS, DYED EGGS.

- DYED EGGS? THAT'S EASTER.
- ANOTHER ROTTEN HOLIDAY.

GET AWAY FROM
THE DOOR. THAT'S IT.

WHY DON'T WE GET THIS
CELEBRATION ON ITS FEET?

LET'S SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS.

DOES EVERYBODY
KNOW "SILENT NIGHT"?

KNOW IT? I WROTE IT.

- [BLANCHE] YOU DID NOT.
- YES, I DID. I'LL PROVE IT.

♪ SILENT NIGHT ♪ HOLY NIGHT ♪

WOW, WHAT AN HONOR. I WANT
TO SHAKE YOUR HAND. MOVE IT.

WE'LL MISS OUR PLANE.
WHAT CAN WE DO?

I'LL CREATE A DIVERSION BY
PICKING UP SOMETHING SEDUCTIVELY,

AND YOU TWO SNEAK UP
AND GIVE HIM A KARATE CHOP.

BLANCHE, WHAT DO WE
LOOK LIKE? CHARLIE'S ANGELS?

I HAVE BEEN TOLD I BEAR A STRIKING
RESEMBLANCE TO MISS CHERYL LADD.

ALTHOUGH MY BOSOMS ARE PERKIER.

NOT EVEN IF YOU WERE HANGING
UPSIDE DOWN ON A TRAPEZE.

EXCUSE ME. DID YOU KNOW THAT
THAT GUY WHO WROTE "SILENT NIGHT"

WAS THE ORIGINAL CHOICE
FOR POTSIE ON HAPPY DAYS?

HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN.

THIS PLACE IS ALWAYS
FILLED WITH SUCH NICE PEOPLE.

YEARS AGO, WHEN I HAD A PROBLEM,

COMING HERE ALWAYS
USED TO CHEER ME UP.

THAT'S WHY I DECIDED TO
SPEND CHRISTMAS HERE.

OH, OH, OH, OH, OH.

LET'S GET TO THE PRESENTS. I
BROUGHT ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY.

WE'LL MISS GOING
HOME BECAUSE OF HIM.

THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO.

OK, HERE'S YOUR PRESENTS. I
REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE THEM.

- WE DON'T WANT YOUR PRESENTS.
- BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS.

- NOT FOR US. YOU'VE RUINED IT.
- ROSE.

I'LL HANDLE THIS, DOROTHY.

I'M NOT SURPRISED THAT YOU
SPEND CHRISTMAS BY YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW WHY? YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT.

PEOPLE DON'T OWE
YOU A NICE CHRISTMAS

BECAUSE YOU DECIDED
THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

YOU CAN FORCE US TO
STAY HERE ALL NIGHT,

BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF YOU'LL FORCE US TO
CELEBRATE THIS JOYOUS HOLIDAY WITH YOU.

I'VE BEEN SITTING IN THE
CAR FOR HALF AN HOUR.

WHAT AM I, A DACHSHUND?

MA, BE CAREFUL. HE HAS A GUN.

THIS IS A TOY.

HE HAS BEEN HOLDING US
HOSTAGE WITH A TOY GUN?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

DOROTHY, YOU CALL
YOURSELF AN ITALIAN?

YOU CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A TOY AND A REAL PIECE?

I FEEL SO ASHAMED.

EVERYTHING YOU
SAID ABOUT ME IS TRUE.

I'M... I'M A LOSER.

YOU'RE NOT A LOSER.
YOU JUST NEED SOME HELP.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

MRS. NYLUND, A LOT OF WHAT
YOU SAID APPLIES TO ME TOO.

MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN
ONE LIE AFTER ANOTHER.

I REALIZE NOW I WAS DOING
IT JUST TO GET ATTENTION.

I THINK IT'S TIME
FOR ME TO STOP.

OH, MR. MEYER, THAT'S WONDERFUL!

MARVELOUS. LET'S GO. I COULD'VE
WALKED TO NEW YORK BY NOW.

DR. ESCOBAR, I'M SO
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO EXPLAIN,

BUT THIS GENTLEMAN WOULD LIKE
TO TALK TO YOU. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

DR. ESCOBAR? WE SHOULD TALK TOO.

I'M DR. ROONEY FROM
THE MAYO CLINIC.

I'LL FILL YOU IN ON THE
PARTICULARS OF THIS CASE.

OH, GOOD LORD, WE MADE IT.

GIRLS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

SAY GOODBYE. OUR PLANE
LEAVES IN FIVE MINUTES.

- GOODBYE. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SOPHIA.
HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME.

- BYE-BYE.
- I'LL MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY. BYE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS. BYE.

[MAN ON P.A.] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DUE
TO THE SEVERE STORM FRONT IN THE AREA,

ALL FLIGHTS IN AND OUT OF
MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

HAVE BEEN CANCELED
UNTIL 6 A.M. TOMORROW.

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[BLANCHE GROANS]

EXCUSE ME. WOULD YOU
LIKE TO BUY A FLOWER?

BEAT IT, CHROME DOME!

AND WHILE YOU'RE AT
IT, GET A JOB, GET A SUIT,

GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BEG
YOUR MOTHER'S FORGIVENESS.

I AM CHILLED TO THE BONE.

I'VE NEVER SEEN IT
THIS COLD IN MIAMI.

THAT STORM IS GETTING WORSE.

IT WAS AT ITS WORST
WHEN WE RAN OUT OF GAS

AND HAD TO RUN TWO
BLOCKS IN THE RAIN.

INCIDENTALLY, I APPRECIATE
EVERYONE LEAVING ME STRANDED

AFTER MY HEEL FELL OFF IN THE
MIDDLE OF THAT INTERSECTION.

GOOD EVENING, LADIES.
WELCOME TO ALBERT'S DINER.

- I'M ALBERT. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- [BLANCHE] THANK YOU.

- JUST A CUP OF COFFEE, PLEASE.
- SURE. COFFEE ALL AROUND?

I'D LIKE HOT APPLE CIDER
WITH A CINNAMON STICK.

LADY, DOES THIS LOOK
LIKE KNOTT'S BERRY FARM?

- COFFEE'LL BE FINE.
- COFFEE.

I EVER TELL YOU I MET MY HUSBAND
GEORGE ON CHRISTMAS EVE?

BLANCHE, HOW EXCITING!

LET ME TELL YOU HOW EXCITING
A CHRISTMAS EVE CAN BE.

I WAS HOME ON CHRISTMAS VACATION

WHEN MY BEST FRIEND FIXED ME
UP WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BOY.

GEORGE.

NO, THIS WAS RICHARD J. WILD.

BELIEVE ME, HIS
NAME SAID IT ALL.

WE MUST HAVE PULLED OVER FIVE
TIMES ON OUR WAY TO THAT DANCE.

IT'S ALWAYS BEST TO DRIVE
DEFENSIVELY OVER THE HOLIDAYS.

ANYWAY, WHEN WE GOT TO THE
DANCE, RICHARD DROPPED ME OFF,

AND I RAN SMACK INTO
A MAN SO GORGEOUS,

HE MADE RICHARD J. WILD LOOK
LIKE A PREPUBESCENT CHOIRBOY.

- GEORGE.
- NO, NO, NO, ERNIE WILLIS.

WELL, ERNIE SMILED, AND THE NEXT THING
I KNEW, WE WERE DANCING IN A LOCAL BAR.

ALL OF A SUDDEN I
HEARD A VOICE SAY,

[DEEP VOICE] "MAY I CUT IN?"

IT WAS THE MAN I KNEW
I'D SPEND MY LIFE WITH.

GEORGE.

UH, NO, NO, THOMAS
PENVILLE. UH-HUH.

THOMAS AND I LEFT THE BAR...

BLANCHE, I COULD GET HERPES
LISTENING TO THIS STORY.

AT WHAT POINT IN THE EVENING
DID YOU FINALLY MEET GEORGE?

I DIDN'T MEET GEORGE UNTIL THE NEXT
CHRISTMAS EVE. THAT WAS A BORING STORY.

I SAID I'D TELL AN
EXCITING STORY.

LADIES, I HATE TO SEE
PEOPLE JUST DRINK COFFEE.

IT'S CHRISTMAS. PLEASE HAVE
SOME CHEESECAKE ON ME.

- HOW VERY SWEET OF YOU.
- MY PLEASURE.

I'M DEPRESSED. I DON'T
EVEN WANT THIS CHEESECAKE.

ARE YOU LADIES HAVING
A BAD CHRISTMAS?

- THE WORST.
- I'M A LITTLE DOWN MYSELF.

IT'S TOUGH WORKING
ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

I'D LIKE TO BE WITH MY FAMILY.

OH, WE KNOW. WE CAN'T
BE WITH OUR FAMILIES.

YOU ALL ARE NOT RELATED?

- [DOROTHY] OH, NO.
- REALLY?

THE WAY YOU WERE TEASING AND
TALKING, I THOUGHT YOU WERE FAMILY.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING? HM.

WELL, ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW

SOMETIMES IT TAKES A TOTAL
STRANGER TO POINT OUT SOMETHING

THAT'S BEEN RIGHT THERE
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE?

WE WERE FEELING SO
SORRY FOR OURSELVES,

WE FORGOT WE ARE CELEBRATING
CHRISTMAS WITH FAMILY.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, ROSE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BLANCHE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, DOROTHY.

- MERRY CHRISTMAS, BLANCHE.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS, ROSE.

WHAT THE HELL IS
THIS, THE WALTONS?

SO WE'RE A FAMILY... A FAMILY
STUCK IN A DINER ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

YEAH, BUT AT LEAST
WE'RE TOGETHER.

I KNOW I'M FEELING BETTER.

MY CRAVING FOR
CHEESECAKE HAS RETURNED.

I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING
WE COULD DO FOR THAT MAN.

MAYBE THERE IS. UH, EXCUSE ME.

YES, MA'AM?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO HOME AND
SPEND CHRISTMAS EVE WITH YOUR FAMILY?

- I'D LOVE TO, BUT...
- IF YOU TRUST US,

WE'D BE HAPPY TO
WATCH THE PLACE.

- CAN YOU COOK?
- ARE YOU BLACK?

I PROMISE I'LL BE BACK
IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.

- THANK YOU,
AND MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- [ALL] MERRY CHRISTMAS.

GIRLS, YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS CHEESECAKE IS MISSING?

- CHOCOLATE SYRUP.
- MM-MM-MM.

- I WONDER IF HE HAS ANY.
- I'LL LOOK IN THE BACK.

- MY GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- [DOROTHY] WHAT?

- TAKE A LOOK.
- [ROSE] THAT'S SNOW!

IT'S KINDA LIGHT AND
WHIPPY, BUT IT IS SNOW.

A WHITE CHRISTMAS IN
MIAMI? CAN YOU BEAT THAT?

OH, THIS CALLS FOR
SOME CHRISTMAS MUSIC.

♪ LET'S GO SURFIN' NOW
EVERYBODY'S LEARNING HOW

♪ COME ON AND SAFARI WITH ME

I PUSHED THE WRONG BUTTON.

ROSE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

SOMEHOW, THIS CHRISTMAS IT FITS.

♪ WE'RE LOADING UP OUR
WOODIES WITH THE BOARDS INSIDE

♪ AND HEADING OUT
SINGING OUR SONG

- ♪ COME ON, BABY, WAIT
AND SEE - ♪ SURFIN' SAFARI

♪ I'M GONNA TAKE
YOU SURFIN' WITH ME

♪ COME ON ALONG,
SURF BABY, WAIT AND SEE...