The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 1, Episode 13 - A Little Romance - full transcript

Rose doesn't tell her friends that her boyfriend is a dwarf because she fears people will make fun of them.

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the
road and back again

♪ Your heart is true



♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the
biggest gift would be from me

♪ And the card
attached would say,

♪ "Thank you for
being a friend" ♪

(humming "Now or Never")

What are you doing?

What does it look like? I'm
putting clam sauce in my suitcase.

Ma, I think they serve
a snack on the flight.

Heh-heh-heh. You kill me.

Ma, why are you taking
all this food to Phil's?



Because the only time your
brother's wife goes into the kitchen,

it's to get a cold beer.

Ma, she has no time to
cook. She works all day.

Welding. My son
married a welder.

Too bad she didn't
weld his zipper shut.

They got ten kids
they can't afford.

Grab that.

Come on, Ma, now be nice.

They're looking
forward to your visit.

The six boys are giving
up their bedroom for you.

It'll be a miserable week. I
don't even know why I'm going.

Ma, it's your
grandson's graduation.

Big deal. Animal
grooming school.

He'll know how to
make that fluffy ball

at the end of a poodle's tail.

Dorothy, I've just discovered a
great new way to meet more men.

More men? You're gonna
need a turnstile in your bedroom.

I enrolled in a CPR class.

For six consecutive
hours, I was on my back

while dozens of eligible
men pressed their lips to mine

and breathed air into
my limp little body.

So what? You did the same thing

at McSorley's Bar
Super Bowl weekend.

How do I look?

Ooh. Oh, terrific.

I'll say. To the untrained eye,

that polyester could
almost pass for silk.

It is silk.

Oh, sure, Rose,

and Cheryl Tiegs really
buys her clothes at Sears.

So, uh, where are you going?

Out with a friend from work.

Is it the same friend you've been out
with five times in the last three weeks?

Yes.

Spill it. Who is he?

His name is Dr. Jonathan Newman.

He's a psychiatrist
at the grief center.

So, Rose, you're
seeing a psychiatrist.

It's about time.

The woman gives names
to her gingerbread men.

I'm ready to go to the airport.

Oh, I'm going that way,
Sophia. I can take you.

Thanks, Rose. Fine.

Wait a minute, you
can't run out of here.

We want to hear more
about this doctor of yours.

Oh, well, there's
not much to tell.

He's a great guy,
and I like him a lot.

Can't wait to meet him.

And his eligible doctor friends.

That's right.

Well, he's very busy, but
we'll have him over soon.

Well, when?

Soon, I promise.

Come on, Sophia, let's go.

Ma, have a wonderful trip

and call me the
minute you get there.

And, please, Ma, try not
to argue with Phil's wife.

We get along OK. Phil's
wife has her good points.

She's sweet, she's reliable,

and when her father gets out of
prison, she'll be a wealthy woman.

Let's roll, Rose. I'm
leaking clam sauce.

You're angry.

I am not.

Yes, you are. I can tell.

When you're really angry,

you purse your little lips so
tight, they almost disappear.

See?

Have her lips come out yet?

Nope. She's still mad at me.

I'm not mad. But if I were,
I'd have every reason to be.

Rose, come on now. You're
about to swallow your chin.

It's just that the invitation to
dinner should have come from me.

I asked you three
times in this past week

to invite Dr. Newman to
dinner, and you always put it off.

I didn't put it
off. I-I just forgot.

Well, when he called
today, I invited him myself.

And he says he's
looking forward to coming.

Well, you should
have still asked me first.

You're right, honey, but he's on his
way over. We made a terrific dinner.

So why don't you just relax
and enjoy a lovely evening?

You don't understand.
Jonathan is a very special person.

I don't want you doing or saying
anything that would embarrass him.

Oh, Rose, come on,
it's gonna be wonderful.

Now stop worrying
and go check on dinner.

I can't wait to meet Dr. Newman.

He was fascinating on the phone.

He analyzed my dream.

What dream?

Oh, that recurring dream I have

where I'm running
naked through a train

that keeps going
through tunnel after tunnel

while a sweaty
bodybuilder chases me.

He said he thinks it's sexual.

He thinks?

For God's sake, Blanche, you
smoke a cigarette after that dream.

Not all my dreams are
sexual. (doorbell rings)

I also dream about food.

'Course, I'm usually naked
while I'm eating the food.

You know, maybe all
my dreams are sexual.

Lucky me.

Oh, no, thank you, little boy,
we already take the Miami Herald.

Who was that?

Oh, just one of
the Donaldson boys

trying to sell us a
newspaper subscription again.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, those Donaldson kids
won't take no for an answer.

Neither would their father at
our Fourth of July barbecue.

Hello. I'm Dr. Jonathan Newman.

Are you absolutely sure?

Yes. May I come in?

Oh, please, please.
Please, come right in.

May I take your height? Hat!

Thank you. You must be Dorothy.
Rose has told me all about you.

I wish I could say the same.

Oh, Blanche, Blanche, this
is Dr. Jonathan Newman.

Get out of here.

Blanche.

But, Dorothy, he's a...

A little early, yes, but
we're delighted to see him.

Hi, Jonathan.

Hello, Rose. You're
looking lovely this evening.

Oh, wait a minute.

Rose Nylund, you devil, you.

I just figured out
what's going on here.

Blanche.

You were sore at me for inviting
your friend without asking you,

so you hired this guy to come
over and teach me a lesson.

You-u-u-u.

God, I wish I was dead.

Blanche, let's go get the
hors d'oeuvres. Excuse us.

Oh, I have never been so
embarrassed in my entire life.

I made a fool of
myself, didn't I? Yes.

Oh, I feel awful, just awful.

Listen, if you
don't want tonight

to turn into a total disaster,

you have to stop
being so self-conscious.

Oh, well, you're
right, of course.

Dr. Newman is a
guest in our home.

If I'm self-conscious,
he'll be ill at ease.

I can't allow that to happen.
It would be... unsouthern.

That's a good belle.

Dorothy, get the door.

Shrimp?

She's pretty uptight.

I'm gonna have fun
teasing her tonight.

Oh, Jonathan.

Why don't we start dinner?

Good. What are we having?

Short ribs.

Anyway, you'll never
guess what happened.

I am sitting in this bar in
Nairobi when who do I see?

My roommate from Harvard.

He decided to go
someplace exotic

where he didn't
know a soul either.

Small world, isn't it?

Not from where I'm standing.

Oh, I did it again. I
apologize. Please forgive me.

Oh, Blanche, I'm sure
he was only joking.

Don't be self-conscious
about my height. I'm not.

Really?

Really. Look, everybody has something
about themselves they'd like to change.

The trick is getting beyond it.

Don't get me wrong,

I'd love to know what it feels like to
be the center on the Boston Celtics,

but all in all, I'm pretty
happy with who I am.

Oh, God, he gives me goose bumps

when he talks like that.

Why don't I fix us
all some coffee?

Oh, Blanche, you've
done enough. I'll get it.

I'll help you.

What a delightful man.

You know, he has the most positive
attitude of anyone I have ever met.

And he's wearing the
cutest little gray suit

I think I've ever seen.

You just can't help
yourself, can you, Blanche?

I'm home.

Ma, what are you doing here?

There was no reason to stay.

I thought your grandson's
graduation was next week.

There isn't gonna
be a graduation.

The big dope failed.

Ma, you're kidding.

You wouldn't be
surprised if you saw him.

22 years old and all he did
the whole time I was there

was drink beer and
shoot cans with a BB gun.

Sophia.

Oh, um... uh...

Ma, this is Rose's friend,
Dr. Jonathan Newman.

Dr. Newman, this is
my mother, Sophia.

Nice to meet you, Sophia.

Nice to meet you, too.

I hope this doesn't sound rude,

but I've just gotten
back from a long trip,

and I'm very tired.
If you'll excuse me.

Of course. Nice to have met you.

Likewise. Dorothy, can
I see you for a minute?

Yes, Ma, what is it?

That guy over
there, is he a midget?

Yes.

Thank God. I thought I
was having another stroke.

Oh, my goodness, I didn't
realize it was getting so late.

I really can't stay
for coffee. Oh.

Ladies, I want to thank
you for a wonderful evening.

Well, thank you for coming.
We certainly enjoyed having you.

And we hope we'll
see you again soon.

And I'll see you tomorrow
at the office, Jonathan.

Rose, could we have
dinner tomorrow after work?

There's something important
I want to talk to you about.

OK, sure.

Great. Good night.

Good night.

Well, what do you think?

He's quite a man.

Oh, he certainly is, Rose.

Oh, I'm glad you
both feel that way

because I think Jonathan's
gonna ask me to marry him.

(dishes crash to the floor)

Marry him?

Honey, what makes you think
he's going to ask you to marry him?

Well, I know he
wants to get remarried.

And our relationship is
getting much more serious.

He asked me to dinner

to talk about
something important.

Believe me, he's gonna
ask me to marry him.

And how do you feel about that?

I don't know. I
like him a lot, but...

But you were embarrassed
to have us meet him.

Oh, yes. I hate myself for
feeling like that, but it's true.

When Jonathan and I are alone
together, everything's wonderful.

But when we're
around other people,

I'm uncomfortable.

I know they're staring at him and they're
talking about us, and it bothers me.

I know it shouldn't,
but it does.

I mean, how big a man is shouldn't
make or break a relationship.

Not a word, Blanche.

Rose, you're involved
in a relationship

that has very special problems,

and only you and
Jonathan can decide

whether those problems
are worth working out.

I can appreciate what
you're going through, Rose.

I once went through a
very similar situation myself.

You once dated a little person?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

What I was referring to was a
relationship I had in high school

with a young man named Benjamin.

Now, you have to understand
that in those days in the South,

a lot of things
were still taboo.

Certain people were not to mix.

So Benjamin and I
had to meet in secret.

Oh, we knew if any of the
bigots in town found out about us,

there'd be a terrible scandal.

And then, one day, I
had to make a decision.

Benjamin invited me
to our senior prom.

I didn't know what to do.

Should I go out with
this boy I really cared for,

or should I bow to the
pressures of an unjust society?

So what did you do?

I walked into that
gymnasium on Benjamin's arm.

Heads turned, jaws dropped.

Why, the room was
buzzing all evening.

I didn't care. I had
followed my heart.

And I've never regretted it.

Oh, Blanche, that's
a beautiful story.

Oh, that must have taken
real courage for both of you.

And it's terrible to
think that the two of you

were almost kept apart just
because Benjamin was black.

Black?

Benjamin wasn't black.
He was from New Jersey.

I went to my senior
prom with a Yankee!

A Yankee? A Yank...

That is incredible.

And to think they made a movie
about that deadbeat Gandhi

while there's a story like
this that hasn't been told.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I'm more confused
than ever. Good night.

Honey, is there anything
at all we can do to help?

No. I just have to
work this out for myself.

Sleep on it, Rose. I know
you'll make the right decision.

Good night, honey.

A Yankee from New Jersey.

You're a profile in
courage, Blanche.

Sleep on it, Rose. I know
you'll make the right decision.

The right decision,
the right decision.

(knock on door)

Come in.

Let's go, Rose.
Everyone's waiting for you.

I don't think I can
go through with this.

What's the matter? You
and Jonathan have a fight?

No. It's just that I think marrying
Jonathan might be a mistake.

He is a lot shorter than I am.

Really? I hadn't noticed.

Me, neither.

Well, how could you
miss it? Everyone notices.

Wherever we go,
people stare at him.

Maybe they're staring
at you, honey. At me?

Only a good friend
would tell you this, Rose,

but that color
you dye your hair?

Honey, that hasn't existed since
they discontinued the Ford Falcon.

Let's go.

Let's get this
wedding on the road.

Sophia, why are
you in a priest outfit?

Because I'm the one
who's gonna marry you.

But that doesn't make any sense.

What the hell do you want
from me? It's your dream.

Come on, Rose,
let's get you married.

But I'm still not sure.

Rose, you can't
disappoint your guests.

The guests? But I have to
think of what's best for me.

That's only in real life, Rose.

In a dream, you do
what's best for the guests.

All right, all right. Ah,
there's my little girl.

Daddy, I can't believe it's you.

Daddy?

You mean your dead daddy?

Yes.

You see what lengths people
went to to come to your wedding.

I heard that you were
getting remarried,

and I wanted to
meet the lucky guy.

This is so strange.

I always thought Daddy
was much taller than that.

I don't remember
him like that at all.

Well, that's probably because
his size didn't matter to you, Rose.

When you really
care for someone,

you see them for what
they are on the inside.

Nothing else matters.

Well, actually,
girls, Rose is right.

I am much taller.

I just appeared in the dream
this way to make a point.

Oh, Daddy, you always
did know the right thing to do.

Do you really think

Jonathan and I will
be happy together?

Rose, all you can do
is follow your heart.

No one can predict the future.

Not necessarily true,
Daddy Lindstrom.

For Rose, you see, one
of your wedding guests

is none other than famed
psychic Jeane Dixon.

Hello, Rose.

Hello, Miss Dixon.

Please, call me Jeanne.
I know you want to.

Wow. Jeanne, could you
tell me what the future holds?

Sure. In January, Brooke
Shields and Lady Di

will star together in a
Broadway musical comedy.

Senator Edward Kennedy
will once again run for...

No. I mean what the future
holds for me and Jonathan.

Rose, I'm not getting
a clear picture on that.

However, I do know Jackie
O. Will tie the knot again...

Thank you very much, Miss
Dixon. Enjoy the wedding.

Rose, what's the matter?

Oh, I don't know. I'm
so confused Jonathan.

You see, I-I...

Do you mind? We'd
like to talk in private.

Why are we in the
dream in the first place

if she's throwing us out?

Oh, Jonathan, I'm just not
sure I can go through with this.

Rose, I know this may not
be the perfect relationship,

but I care for you
very, very much.

If you feel the
same way about me,

we can lick any
problem, big or small.

Oh, I do care for you, Jonathan.

Then will you marry me?

Yes, yes, oh, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

(knock on door) Rose?

Oh, Rose, honey. Wake
up. Rosie, wake up, darlin'.

Rose. Wake up, wake up.

Oh, I just had the weirdest
dream about Jonathan.

Oh, was it a bad dream?

No! No, it helped me

make up my mind
about our relationship.

I'm gonna keep seeing him.

If we actually care
about each other,

we can lick any
problem, big or small.

What's going on?

Oh, Rose has decided to
keep on seeing Jonathan.

Fine. We're all adults here.

Let the man out
of the pillowcase.

We don't mind if he sleeps over.

Thank you.

Well, what did you think?

Oh, it was delicious.

I love French food.
What was that you had?

Trout.

What do they call it
in French? Le trout.

Oh, French is such
a romantic language.

Oh, I love the food, I love the
wine, and especially the company.

Rose, I've been putting
this off all evening,

but there's something I
want to talk to you about.

What is it?

I want to talk about us.

Rose, even though we've only
been dating for a short period of time,

I feel that our relationship
is starting to get serious.

I feel the same way.

I want you to know
I care for you a lot,

but there's a problem we
cannot continue to ignore.

Rose, in order for a
relationship to be complete,

each person has to accept
the other for what he is.

I don't think that can
ever happen between us.

Jonathan, you're
wrong. I can accept you.

I've had time to think
this thing through,

and I can honestly say it doesn't
bother me that you're small.

Small? No.

I meant I can't see you anymore
because you're not Jewish.

What?

Rose, this has been a
very difficult decision for me.

You're dumping me
because I'm not Jewish?

No. Please understand,

I come from a very
religious family.

I can't believe this.

I've been agonizing over this relationship,
and now you have the nerve to...

Rose, please lower your
voice. People are staring at you.

Staring at me?
They're staring at you.

Well, yes, but I'm used to
it. I'm a very snappy dresser.

I'm sorry I did that.
I guess I was upset.

I understand.

I guess this has been a
difficult relationship for both of us.

Oh, it's been a
wonderful relationship.

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss you, too, Rose.

How was the shrimp?

Unfortunately, I'll never know.

You see, he's Jewish,

and we can't see
each other anymore.