The Goldbergs (2013–…): Season 7, Episode 17 - A Fish Story - full transcript

Adam and Murray don't want to go on a camping trip, so father and son create a film faking it; Erica joins an all-girl a cappella group and learns an important lesson after taking over the group.

Back in the '80s, my sister discovered

her first true love, music.

But Erica and music had some ups

and some downs.

Then she finally said goodbye for good.

That is, until Geoff
had something to say about it.

Guess who has two thumbs and great news,

even though one of those thumbs
was injured opening

a bottle of Snapple and
I should see a doctor.

Just say the thing, Geoff.

This guy! Ow.

- I got us two tickets to see The Go-Go's.
- Pass.

But The Go-Go's are your favorite band.

Just take Barry or one of the other

misshapen dopes in the JTP.

Barry doesn't like girl rock.

He said it scares and titillates him.

And then he giggled when he
said "titillate," like, a lot.

He lost it when
our Aunt Rose had angina.

Look, you haven't been the same

since you turned your back on music.

I was just jamming out
to that song in that elevator.

You got out a floor early
because you didn't want

to hear Corey Hart
for the millionth time.

We get it! He wears
his sunglasses at night.

I wear my pajama pants
to the grocery store,

but you don't hear me
bragging all over the radio.

Babe, music was your life.

It brought you so much joy.

And now you're just... kinda frowny.

- Frowny?
- But it's a hot frown.

Like, so kissable and alluring
and... There it is.

Come on, gimme some
of that sexy grimace.

I love you, but give it up.

Music didn't work out for me,
and I've moved on.

Yep, Erica had put her foot down,

until she took a stroll
through the quad.

What the hell is that?

The sound of angels
or possibly human ladies?

♪ See the people
walkin' down the street ♪

They're making instrument noises

with their beautiful mouths.

Oh, no, Erica. It's a cappella music.

Should I spray them with a garden hose

or wing a trash can lid at them?

Turns out, neither.

Erica hadn't been a fan
of a cappella in the past.

But in that moment,

she didn't just hear it with her ears.

She felt it in her heart.

Thanks, guys!

I'm Lisa Levine,

and that's just a taste
of the Molly Sing-walds.

If anybody's interested in our group,

we're gonna be having auditions this...

♪ Tuesday ♪

I'll have one of those.

This random encounter
re-ignited her love of music!

♪ I'll be there ♪

Lisa Levine. I will join
your foxy beatbox crew.

No, Barry. Erica needs this.

Fliers cannot be shared!

Oh! You ripped it!

Now I'll never know if they're meeting

at 4:00 a.m. or 4:00 p.m.

It's just a piece of paper!
They have a whole stack!

- So, Tuesday?
- Yeah.

Elbow brain strike!

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪/

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

It was March 18th, 1980-something,

and like always, my dad was
fighting with the VCR.

Damn it! I need my Night Court!

It's the only thing that brings me joy.

What about your family?

I said what I said.

Why do you always smack everything?

Maybe it'll jar something loose.

You mean the
delicate electronic components?

Yeah, my dad hated technology.

Soften my potato!

And technology hated him back.

I got a message for you!
You're a piece of crap!

Stop skipping. Stop skipping.

Stop skipping!

But nothing agitated him
more than our dot matrix printer.

He always had it out with that thing.

No one loved capturing
the rage more than me.

Ah! Damn printer! It's stuck again!

Once again, the mighty printer

has bested its most intense rival,

the lazy, dumb man.

Put your stupid camera down and help me!

It's not a paper jam.

You just need to change out the ribbon.

What happened to all the ink?

I had an important project.

What project?

Oh, really? You're the butt!

Murray, stop yelling
at Adam. He's just a boy.

I don't care if he's 12.
He's aggravating me.

I'm 17. I've tried beer.

Not a fan, but I've heard good things

about banana daiquiris.

Please, Schmoo, you're not an adult yet.

I've seen your little banana daiquiri.

What... What did you say?
I just blacked out.

And I got it all on videotape.

How does it feel?

Hilarious. You pressed the "off" button.

Damn complicated buttons!

What's complicated?

One says "on," one says "off."

Ooh, good weekend, Beverly.

Damn thing's a moron!

We come bearing trout.

Well, just stuff it in the mailbox,

like the rest of our
easily offended neighbors.

No, no, no, it's a gift. For eating.

Oh! Well, I guess I could
cheese these up,

drown 'em in some chili.

You know, the next time, have the
seafood guy remove the bones.

- No, we caught these.
- In a river.

You're saying words, but I don't
understand what they are.

Charles and Chad just got back

from their annual
father-son fishing trip.

You guys go outside?


I just love spending time
with my tiger here.

And some years, we don't
come home with anything,

except memories.

I got to get out of here!

I can't play games!
I've got plans tonight!

You have a family here!

Ah! He's aggravating me,
the little bastard!

Is everything okay?

- Go [Bleep] yourself, you...
- Bye, now.

This is the dumbest
thing you've ever done.

Just let the fork do what it does!

As my mom was
fretting over our relationship,

my sister was sweating
her a cappella audition.

I'm actually kind of nervous.

You? Please. Just listen
to your competition.

♪ ...mountain when she comes ♪


What a fun song. Next up?

Barry Goldberg.

And all you wannabe
Sing-walds can go home.

Lisa, I'm excited to join
you and your squad of lovelies

on this musical and probable
romantic journey.

Dude, you do know this is
an all-female singing group?

While I do need a fresh
romantic ocean to dive into,

I'm merely here for my love of Acapulco.

A cappella.

Acapulco is a city in Mexico.

A jet-setter.

Allow me to transport you
to music heaven.

I'll loosen up my music instrument.

Oh, shoot.

Yeah, I didn't prepare anything.

- It's a no.
- Smart.

Let's not complicate whatever's
happening between us.

There's nothing happening between us.

Well, you never know
until you barge onstage

during an all-female audition.

Good luck. She's tough.

Is Erica Goldberg here?

Yeah, even though Erica said

she left music behind,

turns out, music's always
in there somewhere.

♪ We're running with
the shadows of the night ♪

♪ So, baby, take my hand,
it'll be all right ♪

♪ Surrender all your dreams
to me tonight ♪

♪ They'll come true in the end ♪

Welcome to the Molly Sing-walds!

Oh, my God, thank you!

I did this! My overbearing
love led to this moment!

And I'm stealing focus. Sorry, babe.

Just a quick thought.

Um, are you guys married to
the name Molly Sing-walds?

- You don't like it?
- No, it's great,

if you like obvious puns.

She's incredibly honored,
and you won't regret this.

So, don't make them regret this, honey.

Geoff, what are you doing?

It's just, with music, sometimes

you tend to take things,

how do I put this gently,
way too seriously.

You're the one who pushed me into this.

For sure, but don't become a monster

who ruins all these women's lives.

Of course I won't.

I mean, sure, I'll tweak a few things,

but who doesn't like harsh change?

As Erica once again embraced music,

my mom was hoping my dad and I
would embrace each other.

Will you two get out here and
help me bring in the groceries?

You couldn't have brought
a bag with you on your way in?

You too, Adam.

I guess I got to the age
where I carry stuff now.


There's no food!
That's a horrible surprise!

Instead, you're going on a camping trip.

Isn't that the greatest news
you've ever heard?

Opposite! Dad, do something.

Don't worry. I got it.

Bevy, take a look at me.
It can't be done.

It can, and it will.

You embarrassed me
in front of the Kremps.

- Kremps? That's not a real name.
- They're right there.

Hey, there, neighbor!
Grab your mitts. Come on over.

Who's he talking to?

Got to be you and your mom.

You're gonna have what they have.

This trip is mandatory.

I will not allow
your entire relationship

to be based on yelling.

It wouldn't be if the kid
wasn't such a moron.

In my defense, my dad's a dumb lump.

That's what I mean.

You two need to rediscover
your love for each other.

Now, get in the car!

And here's your camera.

I want proof.

Why does she always
have to be so involved

in our family's lives?

This is honestly
the worst day of my life.

But maybe it doesn't have to be.

Tell me your cockamamie plan.
I'll do anything.

We don't have to go.

We just have to look like we did.

As my dad and I decided
to avoid the great outdoors,

Geoff was hoping Erica
would avoid falling back

on her old habits.

Great news, ladies!

We're gonna be
in the Penn a cappella showcase

next weekend.

- Won't that be fun?
- Fun?

But that wasn't gonna happen.

We got to win this thing.

No, it's not a competition.

I mean, the only winners
will be the Boys & Girls Club,

who will get all the proceeds.

Well, those inner-city kids
are also gonna get

a front-row seat to
a musical ass-whuppin'.

Or we just help some kids.

How about we start out
with some scales today?

Scales are for preschoolers
before Christmas pageants.

All right, now, drop a baseline

and give me a bouncy C.

With that, Erica did what she always did

when it came to music...
took it way too seriously.

And the Molly Sing-walds
learned the hard way.

Let's go, Jen! Keep up with
the choreography, all right?

- Your feet are as flat as your voice.
- She's a person, babe.

You're making the sound of a corpse

being pulled from a river
and de-gassing.

Pretty graphic, hon.

Who said you can have water?

Water is for winners.

It's also essential to life.

Turns out, Erica was
having trouble finding harmony

in more ways than one.

Hey, good work today.

No, it wasn't.

You call that Journey?

Don't stop believing you all suck.

Erica, I don't think
this is working out.

I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave the group.

Lead the group? Oh, finally.

I accept.

My first big change is that shirt,

your hair, and everything else.

You're out. Please go.

I don't understand.

You're a total nightmare.

You're... You're rude, you're bossy.

This is supposed to be joyful.

I see.

Hey, I... I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Oh, that's not what's happening.

No. What's happening is
I'm going to assemble

the greatest a cappella group
the world has ever known

and then crush you into oblivion

at next week's competition/children's
charity event.

Oof. Lisa, you and I are about to have

a real roller coaster of a week.

After getting booted
from her a cappella group,

Erica decided her only option

was to take matters into her own hands.

I don't know. It's just a little weird.

A day ago, you didn't
even want to do music again,

and now you're starting your own group.

Being out there with
those off-key Oompa Loompas

made me realize how much I missed music.

Uh, this is kinda weird and informal.

Am I supposed to sing or watch you guys

- rehash the last few days?
- Whenever you're ready.

I'm Kevin, the Human Tuba.

- Next.
- Whoo!

It was off to a rough start.

And it only got rougher.

♪ And the home of the brave ♪

Full disclosure...
I'm an adult that works here.

Is that a problem?

- Yeah.
- Kind of.

Like, hi.

Valley Erica? Where have you been?

Oh, here and there.

After our band split up

and Erica went back to college,

I kinda had nowhere to go.

Sorry about that.

So, you want to join
my a cappella group?

Oh, no. I actually

came here to ask if I could have $7,300.

That's a very specific number.

I have some very specific problems.

So, you didn't prepare a song?

Um, I guess I could sing something.

♪ I'm gonna die
if I don't get $7,300.56 ♪

Damn it! We haven't found
a single person.

We're in real trouble here.

- Not as much as her.
- It's, like, so true.

I think I was followed here.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

It's my only hope of destroying

a woman I hardly know

for unintentionally offending me.

♪ Come, come, come in ♪

- Yeah.
- The hell's this?

This is the Barry-Tones,

my new musical mouth quartet.

- I'm the bass.
- I'm also the bass.

- What's a bass?
- You started your own a cappella group?

Indeed, I did.

I realized joining
an all-female singing group

wasn't a realistic way to meet women.

Good for you, Bar.
Showing some maturity.

So, instead, I will
win over their hearts

by destroying them
at the thing they love,

mouth music.

Oh, my God. Am I just doing

the same dumb thing Barry's doing?

No, Barry's plan's actually
better, 'cause he has a group.

You have no one,
while my group is stacked

with talent and masculine sensuality.

- Talent.
- Sensuality.

What are we doing?

Then there's only one solution.

You become a casual enjoyer of music

instead of a maniac who only
functions in extremes?

Close. I join forces
with Barry's idiotic group,

and through grit and hard work,

I will lead these
tone-deaf morons to victory.

I'm intrigued, but prove
yourself first. Scat for me.

♪ Scooba-do-da-da da-da-da-do-dow ♪

- ♪ You suck ♪
- Damn it! We need her.

As Erica and Barry
formed a musical supergroup,

me and my dad's big fishing trip

had hit a high note.

I think I got one! I'm gonna reel it in!

Great job with the fish, Dad!

I'm feeling closer to you already!

Thanks, tiger.

Ha! You're welcome, tiger.

- Don't call me tiger.
- Why not?

It's an affectionate
nickname that proves

that we've bonded out here on the lake.

It's not the way a father-son
relationship works, okay?

If you're my tiger,
I can't be your tiger.

How would I know that?

You never call me anything but moron.

Now you know why!

All right, let's go again.

And don't lean so far back,

'cause then I start seeing volleyballs.

Excuse me. There have been
a lot of complaints

about you being too comfortable
around the camping gear.

Can't a young man and his
father lay down together

in a tent in a sporting goods
store and film it?

No! Please leave! Now!

Fine! I wasn't gonna buy anything,

but now I'm really not
gonna buy anything.

- Move! Come on.
- With our fake fishing trip cut short,

the only choice we had was to
show my mom what we caught.

This is the best.

It sure is!

You know, this fishing pole
is nature's TV remote.

Don't you dare change that channel.

You're my son.

You're my dad.

Sure, it was sloppy and unbelievable,

but my mom ate it all up.

You know, it's late.
We should get some rest.

We have been fishing for 10 hours.

Well, that's the normal amount of time.


And action.

Good night, tiger.

Right back atcha, tiger.

How many times I got to
tell you, you don't...

I love camping.

It happened!


I brought the men in my life together!

So, you thought this was... good?

It was [Bleep] amazing!

This worked nice.

So, I'll see you around chow time.

Damn right you will.

I'm inviting Ginzy
and her bland family over

so I can rub your camping love
in their fat faces!

- Wait, this isn't over?
- It's just beginning.

I'm cooking up the fish you caught

with a side of suck it, Ginzy!

Oh, no! The Kremps know fish!

- They'll expose our terrible lies!
- Nah.

All you gotta say when
they ask you something

is, "They were practically
jumping into the boat."

Those are words that people say.

Those are words that people say.

While my mom
fell hook, line, and sinker,

all of my sister's hopes
hung on her new group.

All right, just so we're
all on the same page,

our a cappella group has one goal,

- to defeat Lisa Levine.
- To kiss Lisa Levine.


This isn't about you

and your delusional romantic prospects.

- Yet it is and will be.
- Doesn't matter.

Everyone give me your best middle C.

Oh, yeah!

Did someone just say
the words "Oh, yeah"?

Oh, yeah!

- Why would you do that?
- I don't really sing.

Okay, well, let's see what else
we're working with. Andy, go.

That was beautiful and haunting.

I was a soprano in children's choir

until puberty cursed me.

My parents forced me to
take a series of shots,

but the tide of manhood came anyway.

Moving on. Matt Bradley.

Sorry, I'm actually medically deaf

after I dove in the ice
to save that dog.

Ha! That's what you get.

- It's gonna be fine.
- Things were fine

until you pushed me back into music.

I was only trying to...

Remind me that I couldn't
succeed at my biggest dream?

And after I finally got over
it and focused on college,

you had to dredge it all back up again.

Thanks a lot.

Oh, yeah!

As my sister once again swore off music,

my dad and I hoped the Kremps
wouldn't smell anything fishy.

Oh, Beverly, it's such a rare occasion

that you invite us all over for dinner.

Nonsense, Ginzy.

I'm sure we've had you over many times.

This is actually the farthest

I've ever made it into your home.

You're always over here

strapping on the old feedbag, Leroy.

It's Charles.

And I've been your neighbor
for 20 years.

I don't think so.

Bring it to me again.

- Charles.
- Like the chew?

You mean the Charleston Chew?

Exactly. Quality bar.

Hey, can I top off your tea, Charleston?

Beverly, we should, uh, we should eat.

Oh, you'll eat, all right.

Delicious fish caught
by my delicious men.

You guys go camping or something?

Seems that's what we're saying here.


Almost as much as
my husband and son enjoyed

their special time together.

You know, Beverly,
what kind of fish is this?

The finest lake fish.

And unlike your lazy men,

mine cleaned, boned,
and filleted it for me.

Did we, now? Dad?

Yeah, they were practically
jumping in the boat.

- This is clearly a swordfish steak.
- Jumping in the boat.

That's a 1,000-pound ocean fish.

Oh-ho! In the boat!

Please tell these people

that this is not
a giant saltwater animal.

Well, no, no, it's a brand-new fish.

It's a, uh, lake swordfish.

Huh, a new giant lake fish. Adam?

I suppose that could happen.

I... I mean, in Jaws 4,
a shark held a grudge

and followed a family
down the Eastern Seaboard

to terrorize them.

So, yeah, that's, like, our fish.

- Jaws 4?
- It wasn't very good.

But now might be a nice time

to retire to the den and watch it.

Adam, tell me the truth right now.

Fine! We faked everything

and bought that at the market!

Moron! We had it made!

We would have been
if you weren't a cheapskate

and bought fish that wasn't on sale!

I don't know from fish!

And I can't believe I spent a half-hour

fake camping with you.

Don't worry. I'll never go
fake camping with you again.

Look what you've done!

You've embarrassed your mother

in front of Charleston, Lindy,

and little Chim-Chim!

- Lindy?
- Chim-Chim?

I'm not embarrassed. I'm sad.

I wanted to believe so badly
this family loved each other

that I actually believed
that dumb video.

Okay, I guess I'll just
have to live with the fact

that my husband and son
have no relationship at all.

This fish is pretty tasty.

After embarrassing my mom

with a fake camping trip,

the only way to make it up to
her was to try the real thing.

Okay. Let's pitch this tent. Here.

You put the poles together.

I'll, um, watch.

Boom. Done. Let's sleep.

You gotta thread it through the tent.

Oh! Damn it!

What's all this?

Oh! Uh, we're making
your dream come true.

We're camping.

It's true, Mama.
Everything's better now.

Oh! My good shin!

I'll never be able
to run again, you moron!

I don't really think that's
gonna be a problem for you.

I see nothing's changed,

so enjoy your miserable night together.

Now we got to freeze out here

all night for nothing.

- We can start a fire.
- You know how to start a fire?

I think you rub a stick on
a rock and then blow on it.

You blow on a stick and a rock?

I don't know.

I'm an inside kid, not a frontiersman.

Forget it. Let's just get
in the sleeping bags

and get this night over with.

Why are we like this?

Maybe 'cause we don't
have much in common.

Except our hatred of camping.

For sure.

Except this isn't that bad.

I mean, it's kinda cozy,
and the air is crisp.

And look at all those stars.

Yeah, they're up there.

And kind of beautiful.

You know, maybe we should try
a real fishing trip someday.

I would hate that.

Me too.

Sometimes it's the stuff we can't stand

that brings us closer.

And even the things we love most

have a way of driving us apart.

What are you doing?

Doing what I should have
been doing this whole time,


Erica, you can't just
turn your back on music.

It's all or nothing with me.

And I just can't do it
unless it's perfect.

I know.

But let me show you something.

♪ Oh, girl... ♪

Before you wanted to become a rock star,

you just loved music.

That little girl doesn't exist anymore.

Well, she should.

You should leave a space
for this joy in your life.

Geoff, why are you doing this?

Why do you care so much?

Because I'm your biggest fan.

Not just of your music, but of you.

♪ Ransom my heart,
but, baby, don't look back ♪

♪ 'Cause we got nobody else ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ We're running with
the shadows of the night ♪

♪ So, baby, take my hand... ♪

Turns out life is a lot like a song.

- ♪ Surrender all your dreams ♪
- And we're all singing

- ♪ To me tonight ♪
- the best we can.

And, sure, there are some low notes,

but hopefully a lot of high ones, too.

But when all is said and done,

the sweetest harmonies
can't be sung solo.


What do you want?

I want to say I'm sorry
for the way I acted.

And if you would let me
back in the group,

I promise I'll just sing and have fun.

I think we'd all like that.

And when all those voices come together,

- it's music to the ears.
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ We're running with
the shadows of the night ♪

The truth is, we all bring

- a little something different to the table.
- Gah! Gah! Gah!

Because in the end,
it's the people around us

who help us find our voice.

♪ Say you will ♪

♪ We're running with
the shadows of the night ♪

♪ So, baby, take my hand,
you'll be all right ♪

♪ Surrender all your dreams
to me tonight ♪

♪ They'll come true in the end ♪

You're not gonna do it! It's broken!

- I can't help you!
- Just wait.

I don't know what to do about it!

The roller isn't rolling!

I'm telling you, it's broken!

Dad, you... you have a family here!

He's aggravating me, the little bastard!

The enchanting Lisa Levine.

Funny seeing you here.

In the rehearsal room
I come to every day?

Great news. I've prepared a song

that will capture your heart, your soul,

and the part of the brain

that denies what's happening between us.

Please don't.

♪ Ave ♪

♪ Maria ♪

That was divine.

But it was clearly that guy.

Damn it, Andy! I told you
to stay in the box!

There was no box!

You talked about a box.
You never got a box.

So, are we doing this?

I have 10 boyfriends.

That is gross. You're gross.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx