The Goldbergs (2013–…): Season 5, Episode 19 - Flashy Little Flashdancer - full transcript

For as long as I can remember,

Beverly Goldberg loved to dance.

Sure, her fearless mom
moves were embarrassing,

but you had to admire
her pure passion.

You can't blame the lady.

This was the '80s, the golden
age of the cheesy dance movie,

most notably Flashdance,

the tale of a working-class girl
who wanted to boogie with the best.

I don't think she's ever gonna
get into this dance school.

Even the lady judge
isn't supporting her.

This movie is insane.



She's so graceful and
yet from Pittsburgh?

- Shh.
- Screw you!

- You shush!
- Some people!

Jerk!

But, as fate would have it,

that year, flashdancing
made its way to Jenkintown.

Break out your hottest
leg warmers, ladies!

It's time to flashdance.

"Bring your boogie-woogie
and a towel." Hmm.

Come on. It's our chance
to live the very realistic story

of a steelworker
turned modern dancer.

Please!

No one wants to see four moms
shake their tushes at the JCC.

Our entire lives
revolve around our kids,



but I have learned something
very important from the Bevolution.

- Is that still a thing?
- The biggest.

And it's taught me that unless
we make time for ourselves,

our wonderful families will leech
us dry of our youth and spirit.

I guess I do have a little time between
school drop off and school pick up

and sports drop off
and sports pick up.

Well, it sounds like a
small window, but I'll take it.

How about you gals?

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to
stay in the back of the class

and pick up a few moves.

While they didn't stay
in the back of the class,

they did pick up a few moves...

Or...

Whatever this is.

And pose!

Not bad, ladies.

Not bad?

Uh, we have taken our
passion and made it happen!

Oh, hold on, fellas.

Dance class just let out.

Now, this is why we come
to the Jenkintown JCC.

Oh, yeah.

Wait, I take it back!

- That's my mom!
- And she's with my mom!

Hey, Bar. Don't hug Mama,
she's aglow with dance.

Okay, why is your
shoulder exposed?

- Mama's just flashdancing.
- Well, you're flashing too much!

Don't listen to him, hot moms.
Johnny Atkins is a shoulder man.

They all look encouraged
by his creepy words.

- Barry, do something!
- What?

Cover your shoulder with
my sweat towel! Right now!

- Please.
- Don't look at my mom.

Stop it. Just stop. Just
do it. Just get out of here.

- Just get out of here.
- Get off of me.

I'm twisted up inside

But nonetheless I
feel the need to say

I don't know the future

But the past keeps
getting clearer every day

It was April 11th,
1980-something,

a typical Saturday night for me
and my best friend, Emmy Mirsky.

- God, I love Blades of Steel.
- I call penguins!

Why do you always
choose the stupid penguins?

'Cause they're
my favorite animal.

- Also, they do this.
- And I'm down.

You just make it
easy by sucking.

It was more than a friendship.

Emmy was like my sister.

Ever since we were kids,
we did everything together,

from Nintendo marathons
to tree house slumber parties.

Brian McMahon made
it pretty darn clear.

Do you like him, yes or no?

- You know what? I'm marking yes.
- Wha...

And best of all,

our traditions continued
through high school.

I don't know, Muscles.

Your mom is super against
getting your ears pierced.

- Just do it, nerd!
- Okay.

Three, two, one, and not...

All right, welcome
to pickleball!

Do not be fooled by its
comically delightful name.

Pickleball is a serious sport.

It combines the greatest elements
of tennis, badminton, and ping-pong.

Time to pick your
pickleball partner.

Just make sure your
partner for pickleball

doesn't already have a
pickleball partner picked!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

You wanna play
forehand or backhand?

I'm super bad at both.

Uh, actually, Brian McMahon
already asked me to play with him.

This was Brian, one of the
most popular kids in school.

The dude was painfully
shy, but he made it look cool.

Wow. Shy Bri
actually talked to you?

See ya at lunch!

No partner, huh, Goldfarb?

Eh, it's all right.
There's no shame in that.

At least that's what the
school instructs me to say.

Maybe I can just do a
related assignment like...

Eat a pickle?

Don't worry, Coach
has got your back.

Now engage your core! Let's go!

Mine! Mine! Mine!
There's the beef!

All me! All me! I
got it! I got it! I got it!

Eat my shorts!

Get out of the way!

That's game!

Twenty-one zip!

Learn from it.

I learned that this game sucks.

Ha! He's mocking
what you care about.

Laps! Now!

Both of you, let's go!

And as for you, if we're
gonna pair up again tomorrow,

I need you to run
some drills after school.

Bring six gallons of water.

Thanks, but I'll be back
with Emmy next class.

Yo, we're grabbing
some Gino's for lunch.

Rad! I love Gino's!

If I'm not back for
study hall, cover for me.

Oof.

That was tough to watch.

Well, Coach is here for you.

Except during lunch.

That's when I have my
67 vegetable smoothie.

But I'm happy to talk
again on my jog home.

Emmy's been my best
friend since second grade.

Dating Brian won't
change anything.

All right, listen up. Part of
growing up is growing apart.

You and Emmy are
always gonna be friends,

even if you don't hang out or talk or
she can't recall your name immediately.

How am I doing?
You feeling any better?

Not at all!

This one got away from me.

As I panicked about my
future with my best friend,

Barry couldn't get past
our mom's new hobby.

The JCC All Ages Dance Recital?

It is a celebration of the sweet moves
we learn from 4:00 to 6:00 on Tuesdays.

- And you're going.
- Adam, come in here and get my back!

This is gonna
traumatize you, too.

Unlikely. There's
nothing worse than

losing your oldest and dearest
friend to the popular crowd.

Ugh. I literally
just fell asleep.

Dad! Kill her dance dreams now!

Just go to her damn show
and let me know how it went.

Oh, no, you're going, too.

I can't. I got a work thing.

You don't even know when it is!

- And I have a work thing, too.
- You don't even have a job!

That checks out.

You are gonna support
your loving mother

because she has supported everything
her precious babies have ever done.

Damn it! I am so jealous Erica
escaped this house and made it to college.

Where are they? My life is over!

Where are the
pictures of my boyfriend

making out with that
skank Bridget Greenley?

Surprise!

Geoff's not cheating on
you. I just lied to get you here.

Isn't that fun?

I drove home from D.C. at 90
miles an hour with tears in my eyes!

Well, the good news
is, your love is still intact

and your mother has a
dance recital tomorrow!

Ha! You have to sit through
Mom's gyrating garbage with us.

All right, I can tell from the hateful
language that I have doubters here,

which is why I'm going to give
you a little preview of what's in store.

And with that, my mom took her
six weeks of rigorous JCC training

and put her heart
and soul on the line.

That your fear...

Much like the toe-tapping Jennifer
Beals' audition in Flashdance,

Beverly Goldberg would win
over her condescending critics

using the soaring
magic of dance.

All alone I have cried

Silent tears full of pride

In a world made of steel

Made of stone

What a feeling

Being's believin'

I can have it all

Now I'm dancing for my life

You've been flashdanced!

Thank you for bringing me
home from college to see this!

I can't breathe!

It hurts! It's so
funny it hurts!

Seriously?

You're laughing at me after
I just danced my heart out?

Thanks, Mom! I
needed a good laugh.

It hurts!

Ah! Oh, oh!

- Are you okay, Dad?
- No, he's not okay!

He literally injured
himself laughing at me!

- It's so funny...
- Okay, enough!

All you people do is call me a
"smother" and beg me to change.

Then, when I finally try to do it,
you mock me with your mean spirits!

Thank you. This is the most fun that
we've had as a family in a long time.

So funny!

Oh! I popped something
else! Gotta go back.

Great-grandpa's balls!

Jackie, huge news!

We're gonna double date
with Emmy and her new beau!

- Oh, my God, Emmy has a boyfriend?
- Not yet.

But she will once I play
a little Yenta matchmaker.

- Aw, you're gonna set her up?
- Yup, I'm the best.

Now time to find Emmy
a sweet, kind dude

who isn't popular or
threatening to me in any way.

Muscles Mirsky!

What if I told you there's
three eligible bachelors

just waiting to
become your boyfriend?

Mr. Goldberg, this is study
hall, not The Dating Game.

This'll only take a minute.

Let's meet bachelor number one!

He's exotic. He's mysterious.

He's Sergei!

Good hello, sturdy woman.

This joker? You
can't be serious.

Sergei still happy
he got out there.

Okay, rough start.

Bachelor number two
is a tall glass of water

- who plays clarinet in marching band...
- It's me, Dan!

I couldn't wait for
him to finish speaking!

Keep walking, Dan-o.

Thank you for the
opportunity to compete.

- Yeah.
- Saving the best for last!

- Bachelor number three!
- It better not be Dave Kim.

What? I would never!

Look, I appreciate
the crappy effort.

But...

I kinda spent lunch making
out with Brian McMahon.

What do you even
see in that guy?

He's handsome
and athletic and cool.

Name one cool
guy who doesn't talk.

Snake eyes from G.I. Joe.

- Name one more.
- Teller, from Penn and Teller.

- Name another.
- Snoopy.

- Oh, he's the best.
- Oddjob from James Bond,

Jason Voorhees
and Michael Myers.

All right, stop dancing
in the end zone!

I couldn't wait any longer!

Have you chosen your suitor?

While my matchmaking
blew up in my face,

my mom was about to drop a bomb.

Bev, where are your dance
clothes and your leg warmers?

Class is about to start.

These legs will never
be warmed again.

Why are you talking so
dramatically about dance wear?

I shared my gift of dance with
my family, and they laughed.

So much so that Murray
cracked a bone in his middle body.

Don't listen to your family!

Mine said we're
gonna be awesome!

- Same here.
- Mine, too.

That's 'cause they're
kind, stupid liars.

I mean, no offense, but
anyone who's seen Linda dance

knows she's got no
boogie from the waist down.

- Excuse me?
- Admit it,

you jacked up your back carrying
around your kid for far too long.

Geoff's eleven-year-old
legs got tired easily.

And don't get me started
on Essie's jazz hands.

What's wrong with my jazz hands?

They are crooked and calloused

from years of scrubbing
greasy pans and wiping tushies.

I was gonna cover them with
sparkly gloves for the show.

And, Ginzy, all those years of
stress-raising four rowdy boys

has given you such
nervous mom-tummy

that you make poots
all through this class.

- You know about my poots?
- Yes.

So intense.

You know, truth is, I'm
still worse off than you.

My family told me I'll never be
anything but a lame-butt mom.

No use fighting it.

- Not okay, Ginzy!
- I'm sorry.

- Go outside!
- I'm sorry. The stress activates it.

Stress activates it!

I was losing Emmy
to the cool kids,

so I turned to the
coolest dude I knew.

Pops!

Stop it with the hamantaschen!
I have an emergency!

I was so close, but fine.

- What do you got?
- Emmy has a super-popular boyfriend!

- Good for her.
- No!

She's gonna leave
me in the dust,

which means I gotta
become super cool super-fast.

You want cool lessons, huh?

Well, you've come
to the right place.

I don't have
time to learn stuff!

I need an expensive
shortcut and I need it now!

It was red, it was leather,

it was in the Beat It video,

and he who wore it
was a god amongst men.

It's a fact.

Anyone who wears this jacket is

automatically the coolest
badass in the room.

'Cause of all the zippers?

'Cause of MJ.

And no kid on earth has
one, 'cause it costs $463.

Whoa!

You don't need this
farkakte spaceman jacket.

Fine. I'm just gonna call Emmy
and tell her Shy Bri is no good for her.

No, that is the least
cool thing to do.

- Hello?
- Hi, Mrs. Mirsky, it's Adam.

- Is Emmy there?
- No.

She said she was
studying with you tonight.

Emmy used me as
her nerd cover story.

Oh, no! How sad for
you but smart of her.

- She's not there, is she?
- Of course! I just forgot.

She's making popcorn
in the popcorn room.

Uh-huh. Can I talk to her?

Of course you can.

Hey, Emmy! Your
mom's on the phone!

Here she comes.

She's walking to the phone
with the popcorn in her hand.

Oh, no, she just
tripped and fell!

Oh, the popcorn is everywhere!

Oh, oh!

- Oh! Now, I just fell! Gotta go!
- She has nev...

I'm gonna buy
you the red jacket.

Once again, Pops bailed me out.

And thanks to the ridicule,
my mom bailed on dancing.

Baby, I love you! You make
everything so much better!

You shamed your mom into quitting,
who shamed my mom into quitting

and then everyone else quit and
now the whole thing's canceled.

Well, you're welcome, handsome.

Wait. Bevy and all her
friends quit that thing?

Thanks to your amazing
and cruel daughter.

I was awful, too.

Dinner's served.

If you need me, I'll be upstairs
in bed staring at the ceiling

thinking about
what could've been.

Cool.

Um, what's the deal
with this sad lasagna?

Mom's never made
anything in a casserole dish

with less than eight
layers. What's going on?

Clearly you morons hurt the
lady and you're gonna apologize.

Write one of your
annoying keyboard songs

where you rap and jump around.

You know, the annoying
crap you do every week.

Why just us? You
were laughing, too.

Please, I'm her husband. I
never have to say I'm sorry.

That's how marriage works.

Okay, I'll get my Casio.

And I'll get my crazy mad flow.

As they strolled off
to make amends,

I was desperately hoping my
new red jacket would make me cool.

Hey! Beat it!

Oh, yeah, sorry,
right. I'll get out of here.

Nah, bro. Your
jacket. It's from Beat It.

This kid rules, 'cause look,
look, he's got the jacket!

No biggie. I've had it forever.

Some say MJ got
the idea from me.

- Gnarly.
- Oh, so you're a bad, gnarly boy now?

'Sup?

I have a girlfriend.

That's part of it for me.

You making moves
on my girl, small fry?

You're so dead, but sweet
jacket, so we're friends now.

Okay, cool, man.

I'll catch you later.

Adam?

Dude, you suck, 'cause
you ditched me to hang here.

Ain't that right, that guy?

- Beat It!
- Are you kidding me?

I finally find someone I like and
you can't even be happy for me?

Happy? We're best friends!

It's supposed to
be just you and me!

We grow up together and
live next door to each other

and raise our kids side by side!

No matter who we were
with, it was supposed to be us!

You are such a hypocrite.

Did I ever complain when I
got shoved into the background

while you were
with Dana or Jackie?

- That's different and you know it.
- How?

I've been the
third wheel forever.

This is all super weird, and it's
making me feel like the third wheel.

Why is he suddenly talking?

See you in gym
class or whatever.

Guess Shy Bri really opens
up on the weekends, huh?

Don't talk to me ever again!

- Beat it!
- Yeah, yeah, the jacket.

No. Actually beat it. You're
a bad friend. Not cool.

He was right. I
really did lose Emmy.

Meanwhile, my mom was about to get
the most elaborate apology in history.

There she is!

Our flashy little flashdancer!

What is all this?

You're about to witness
the greatest apology ever.

Behold! A three-act hip-hopera
so powerful you'll forgive anything.

- JTP, drop a respectful apology beat!
- JTP!

- Mom...
- Stop!

It worked. I forgive you.

I can't stay mad at my babies.

But... There's two hours
left, plus intermission.

I'm fine. Just go be kids.

So we're good here?

The kids are sorry,
you're back to dancing.

Not yet. What about you?

Anything you wanna say?

Ha! You do have to apologize!

I do not!

- Do I?
- Okay, you don't get it, do you?

I expect my kids to only think of
me as a mom, but you're my husband.

You're supposed to think
of me as something more.

- Marriage is hard.
- Get outta of my house!

Even though my stubborn
dad hated apologizing,

this time he'd have
to face the music.

Oh, whatever this is,
I'm not in the mood.

I'm just getting ready for the big
dance show at the Jenkintown JCC.

Stop. Thanks to you, Murray,
I'm never dancing again.

Oh, I get it.

But there's gonna be a Goldberg
on stage tonight, no matter what.

What are you doing?

The kids gave you
an apology opera.

I'm giving you an
I'm-sorry dance.

Well, dancing requires movement,
which is what you hate the most.

I think you'll find
me shockingly agile.

- Please stop.
- Can't stop.

Got flashdance fever.

- I just ate.
- Oh, okay, here comes the good stuff.

That was a stupid, stupid thing to
do, moving your body to music like that!

You were supposed to stop
me and go to your dance recital.

Well, everyone's right.

I am not a flashdancer.
I'm just a mom.

Not to me.

You're beautiful, you're
brave, you're strong.

Now I see why the kids
write their dumb songs.

This stuff is
really hard to say.

Now go get your yenta friends
and get back on the dance floor.

I made 'em all quit.

Well, get them to un-quit,

'cause that's what my
pushy, amazing wife would do.

Oh!

With that, Beverly Goldberg forced
her friends back onto that stage.

But within moments, my mom's harsh
words came flooding back to all of them.

And so, they completely
forgot their routine.

And then they rolled
around in a panic.

Ginzy.

But a slow glowing dream

Can we start again?

Is she asking me?

Is this my decision?

Look at me.

We got this.

And with one look, my
mom reminded them all

why they signed up for
that class in the first place.

They were moms, and
that meant they were tough.

They were fearless.

They were dancers.

Kinda.

Sure, their moves weren't
perfect, but it didn't matter.

That night, my mom didn't
win over a panel of stuffy judges.

She won over her judgy family.

You're looking good, Beverly!

I know her! That's my mom!

That's my wife!

She puts up with me!

It was a moment my mom and
her friends would never forget,

and a night I wish
never happened.

Oh, there he is.

How'd the jacket work out?

Hey, kiddo.

I thought Emmy and I
would be best friends forever.

You know the greatest
thing about your best friend?

What?

Even if you drift apart,

you'll always find a way back and
you pick up right where you left off.

- You think?
- You'll always be friends.

Now, go make
this right with her.

In that moment, I realized

some cool jacket wasn't
gonna fix things with Emmy.

The answer was to just
believe in our friendship.

And so I rode through the dark night
to get back my best friend in the world,

even though I knew in my heart

it would change things
between us forever.

Hey, open up!

We really gotta talk!

Uh, why are you at my window?

'Cause I screwed up.

But you gotta let me fix this.

I'd do anything to
make Emmy happy,

even if it means she
won't be in my life as much.

So go get her back.

I kinda never know what to say.

Lucky for you, her best friend
knows everything about her.

Pictures come alive Now
I'm dancing through my life

How'd you know I got
a thing for penguins?

A friend told me.

Wow.

When you said you'd set up Emmy,
I didn't know you meant hot Brian.

Easy.

Well, she really is lucky to
have a best friend like you.

Turns out, Pops was right.

Even if your best friend
sets off on a different path,

they never go too far.

For me and Emmy,

we didn't end up living
next door to each other,

or even in the same city.

But to this day, whenever
we see each other,

we pick up right
where we left off.

And it's not just the
friendships in life that change.

Sometimes those closest to
you can surprise you in ways

you never imagined.

All my mom wanted
was to prove to herself

that she could be more
than just Beverley Goldberg.

But in the end,

my dad made her realize that

there really was no one else in
the world that she needed to be.

That's the thing about family.

There's no one better to put
your heart and soul on the line for

than the people who
loved you from the start.

Okay, I'm here with
the real Emmy Mirsky,

and I have a few
questions for you.

So, how long have
you known Adam?

Since we were six.

You only cried a little.

Yes.

You said... Do we
have that on tape?

My favorite thing
about Adam is just that

he's so funny and just being able
to make everyone around him laugh.

You know, especially
when I go back

and he shows me all these
ridiculous videos that he took.

Like, we're just...
We're insane.

We're complete lunatics.

And for us, it
wasn't really like,

oh, a boy and a girl, it was
just, like, we were just two crazy,

bizarre kids just wanting
to, like, goof off all the time.

The audience asks every single
time there's an Emmy episode

if you and Adam are secretly,
madly, deeply in love with each other?

No.

No. The answer is no.

- He's gonna be very disappointed.
- I doubt that.