The Goldbergs (2013–…): Season 5, Episode 17 - Colors - full transcript

Barry enlists the JTP to help him break up Beverly's group of friends so Barry can have all the attention but soon realizes he made a major mistake when Beverly gets into a fight with her friends. Meanwhile, Adam's attempts to trick

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ADULT ADAM: Back
in the '80s, TV gave us

some of the most
iconic friendships ever.

Ricky had Alfonso.

Natalie had Blair.

Tattoo had Ricardo Montalban.

But the greatest friendships of
the decade came from my family.

Barry had his trusted
Jenkintown Posse.

I ran with the
badass theater geeks,

and we were kings
of the school...

Kind of.

My dad's crew was our dog,
Lucky, and his ratty old chair.



Even my mom found a group of friends.
They were a gang of busybody yentas

who proudly called
themselves "the Frentas."

They were known for their
power-walking, gossiping, and matchmaking.

(BLOWING WHISTLE)

You are an expert.

- Beverly, this match is inspired.
- I know.

I dug down deep and pictured
myself being thanked at their wedding.

Hey! We're sharing a private,
supercharged, erotic moment over here!

We've been spotted! Run! Run!

ADULT ADAM: And the height of their
Frentaship was their weekly brunches.

Guess who brought
fresh-cut flowers?

And guess who brought
Bagels & Schmears?

- And guess who brought mimosas?
- Come on in! Sunday's fun day!

(ALL SQUEALING)



(ALL MOANING)

I just punished my insides.

- I gotta unbutton.
- Tummy so full.

I'm a ticking time bomb.

What happened to
my eggs Florentine,

crusty sausage puffs,
and fluffy Bevcakes?

- Oh, that was for you guys?
- Yes. Who else would it be for?

We just thought someone
abandoned a four-person brunch,

- so we were like, "Let's go to town."
- It's fine.

We can just have the bagels.

- Linda, look out!
- (GASPS) They're back!

I don't even know
how they got here!

They're like raccoons! Get! Get!

Get!

(MAN SINGING)
I'm twisted up inside

But nonetheless I
feel the need to say

I don't know the future

But the past keeps
getting clearer every day

ADULT ADAM: It was
March 28, 1980-something,

and me and the theater geeks
were about to have our worlds rocked.

(ALL VOCALIZING)

Shut up! Shut up!
Shut your tiny mouths!

Not to be dramatic,

but I have mind-melting news
that will change your lives forever!

I am talking about Joseph and the
Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

The national tour starring triple-threat
David Cassidy is coming to Philly.

- Did you get us tickets?
- Better.

In each city, they
hire local kids

to be the children's choir
that sings live onstage.

And guess who sent them a
tape of last year's Winter Jam

and harassed them
until they said yes?

- ALL: You?
- Me!

(ALL CHEERING)

Holy balls!

We're gonna tread the boards
of the Walnut Street Theater!

I heard the kids in Pittsburgh
got to have bios in the Playbill!

We should dine at
restaurants while we can,

'cause soon we're gonna
be mobbed by adoring fans.

All of your expectations
are completely reasonable.

Next stop, Broadway!

(ALL EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)

Dad, I have amazing news!

All I need is for you to drive me to
play rehearsal in downtown Philly

during the height of rush
hour for the next three months.

Oh, that was the first time I
said that out loud. Can I go back?

Wait a minute. This is every
day? What about homework?

Homework is for
people who can't do this.

Stop. I'm not gonna have you
flunk out 'cause of some goofy play.

Goofy? Okay, let me put
this in terms you'll understand.

This would be like if I was asked
to do a hockey thing for, like...

What's the Broadway of hockey?

There's clearly no answer
that's gonna work for both of us.

Dad, it's totally
unfair if you say no.

I mean, you drive Barry to his
wrestling matches and hockey games.

- Well, that's completely different.
- How?

I like those things.
You see the distinction?

ADULT ADAM: While my
theater future looked bleak,

Barry and his boys were watching
their favorite movie, Colors,

the story of gang life and
the friendships that survive.

Man, I always thought Red Dawn was
the most awesome movie about colors,

but it's Colors.

They're a fiercely
loyal group of friends.

They're just like us, you know?

I love you, JTP.

ALL: JTP.

Oh, man, I feel like I
wanna hug you guys.

But let's play football instead.

(SQUEALING) Frentas al fresco.
Does it get any better than this, girls?

(WOMEN LAUGHING)

- Hey!
- That's pass interference!

Essie Karp's big, dumb
head got in the way!

Sweet!

Various cheeses.

BOY 1: Oh, yeah. BARRY:
Wait, wait, wait, wait!

- I want this. This is so good.
- BEVERLY: No! Barry!

We're having Sunday
Funday in the backyard,

- so you kids go play in the front yard.
- Fine.

We'll just play at Andy's house.

His awesome mom is always so
welcoming and makes the best snacks.

(WHISPERING) It's Barry's
new tactic to bend Bev to his will.

Please! I make mine with
love and lots of mayonnaise.

(WHISPERING) She
literally can't stand

the idea of being
replaced by another mom.

Yeah, but she always makes
you feel at home, you know?

My body was your
home for nine months.

- Yeah, so you claim.
- Watch the master at work.

Have fun with your
pals... Mrs. Goldberg.

Barry, wait.

Take the backyard.

My real mom's love
has brought me back!

- Oh!
- Ladies, always a pleasure.

- JTP!
- BOYS: JTP!

Close call. They almost went
to another yard for football.

Bev, we're your best friends.

We help each other out
through thick and thin, right?

- Of course.
- Then it's our job to tell you

that boy manipulates
the hell out of you!

- Played you like a fiddle.
- Please.

I invented emotional
blackmail and guilt.

That's my jam.

Well, then he
learned from the best.

ADULT ADAM: Thanks to her friends,
my mom realized she was being played.

Meanwhile, a play about Joseph

made my friends divas
and me the odd man out.

Last night's rehearsal
was amazing.

I love how loose we all
get as the night wears on.

Yeah, that's when David Cassidy
says "The magic happens."

Okay, stop the madness!

None of you actually
know David Cassidy.

Adam! David is a colleague.

I can't have this negativity.

I have to perform tonight,

and if I'm not 100%, that's
just not fair to the audience.

I'm gonna say something
controversial, Adam.

I think you're acting
petty 'cause you're jealous.

Of course I am!

You're rubbing elbows with the
hottest stars of regional theater

and getting special
treatment at school.

Hey, when we're here, we're just
regular students, like everyone else.

Okay! Time for
some vocal warm-ups!

Of course, those of
you who are in Joseph

can come with me for some
hot cocoa in the teachers' lounge.

I can't have my stars
straining their voices.

Um, what about the rest of us?

Oh. Uh, you have
a sub this period.

All right, you musical scrubs!

It's my understanding
that you guys

are the theatrical
equivalent of bench riders.

So, I'm gonna
whip you into shape

with some suicide scales
and some voice sprints.

Those aren't real things, Coach.

Also, I should
be with the talent,

not stuck here with these dirtbags
who take choir for an easy A.

Why are you never this
fired up in gym class?

'Cause I'm a
theater geek, Coach,

- not that you'd ever understand.
- (BLOWS WHISTLE)

- That's a flag on the assumption!
- Really?

You like musicals?

Last month, my lady
love, Ms. Cinoman,

dragged me to a community
college for an evening of theater.

I had prepared myself
for a night of misery,

when out of nowhere
this troupe of cats

came crawling down the aisle.

They were singing and dancing

with their athletic thighs
and their gymnastic voices.

I wish I could remember
what that show was called.

- Cats.
- No.

That's not it.

It'll come to me.

The point is, that was the night
my love for musical theater was born.

That's it! If I can get
my dad to see Joseph,

then he'll turn into a theater
geek and finally get me!

All it took for me was
seeing one dancing cat show.

I think it was called Pets.

Cats! It's called Cats!

All right, smarty pants!

- Drop and give me 20!
- Twenty what?

Monologues. Stage laps.

No, wait! Vocal
tongue twisters! Move it!

Mommy made me mash my M and Ms.

Mommy made me mash my M and Ms.
Mommy made me mash my M and Ms.

ADULT ADAM: As my
theater dreams crumbled,

my mom and the Frentas were
standing strong against Barry.

Aw, Bar?

The moms are back, and this time
they have Donkey Kong hammers.

Mom, today's the JTP Bowl!

Go play your lady
golf somewhere else.

ADULT ADAM: And so the
great Goldberg turf war began,

and only one gang of
friends would be left standing.

(CHUCKLES) Sorry, Pickle.

Your end zone is
now our brunch zone.

Fine. Then we'll all go
play at Naked Rob's house.

His awesome mother always greets
us with Ecto Coolers, Pringles, and hugs.

ADULT ADAM: Once again,
Barry used his latest technique

of emotional manipulation
to trap my mom.

But for the first time ever,
she didn't take the bait.

You were cutting it close there.

We were about to head
over to Mrs. Naked's house.

- Say hi to the Nakeds for me.
- But...

You're supposed
to beg me to stay

and try to match or beat
the snack offer of Pringles.

Well, my friends made me
realize you've been playing me.

Well, you know what I think?

Those "friends" of
yours are a bad influence!

Please! You don't even know 'em!

Believe me, I lived a long time.

I know a bad apple
when I see one!

(SCOFFS) I can be
friends with whoever I want!

Don't you walk away
from me, Young Lady Mom!

Okay, I'm putting my foot down.

This is our yard, so please go!

Your yard? Oh, no, honey.

This yard belongs to us now.

Let's make one thing clear.

- This turf belongs to the JTP.
- ALL: JTP!

Only turf I see belongs to us.

- Ain't that right, Frentas?
- ALL: Frentas!

Oh, no. They did a
call-and-response.

- Took us years to get there.
- Here's an idea.

Why don't you run inside
and fix Essie a fresh mimosa?

- Uh-huh.
- You hear that, JTP?

They think we work for them!

(BOYS LAUGHING)

- Oh, wow.
- ROB: No, bro.

It's two parts OJ to
one part champagne.

Okay, everyone stop!

What is goin' on right now?

Seems like your mom
turned the tables on you

'cause her friends
helped her learn and grow.

Well, then, we must seek
guidance from the only person

who knows how to
outsmart Beverly Goldberg.

My sister, Erica.

No.

So, no Erica? At all?

That is all we're gonna get.

Aw, but I was really looking
forward to seeing her this week.

Well, if you think about
it, she's off at college,

so it really makes no sense why
she'd be involved in any of this.

- So, now what?
- Now we take our yard back.

We're in a real-life
turf war, JTP.

Two rival gangs
going head-to-head,

just like in that movie Colors.

I don't think this is
anything like that.

We were there first, and they came
and took our backyard. What's different?

Colors is an incredibly
real and poignant movie

about socioeconomic factors that
created a political tinderbox within...

Now you get it!
We're in a real-life war,

just like in that movie Colors.

Guys, we live in the
suburbs of Jenkintown.

- It's super offensive to compare our...
- Bro, just get on board.

He's not letting this one go.

Fine. We're in a turf war.

- Colors!
- Colors!

- BOTH: Colors!
- Colors, I guess.

ADULT ADAM: I was on a mission
to make my dad a theater geek.

But there was only one way to get
him to actually watch a musical, lie!

Dad, I have amazing news!

You say that a lot,
but it never pans out.

Oh, then I guess I can't interest
you in these hockey sport tickets!

Wait. You got us Flyers tickets?

It does say that on
the envelope, so yes.

The two of us together?

Listen, I'm always pushing
you to understand my stuff,

so, for once I thought
it'd be cool for you...

- Whoa!
- Thank you. This means everything.

- Oh, boy.
- All my life,

the only way I knew how to connect
with other people was through sports.

A hug. That's unexpected.

And when I realized
you had no interest...

This is a really long hug.

I just didn't know how to
get close, but now I can!

The important thing is, I
bought us tickets to something.

Doesn't matter what.

You know, once you
discover the magic of hockey,

then you'll see what I see,

and you'll become
a true puck head.

Kinda like how seeing a musical
could turn you into a theater geek?

(LAUGHS)

You know, normally, I don't get
your jokes, but it's already working!

(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY) Man. I
am so looking forward to this hockey game.

Me too! Mwah!

This is a really long hug.

Coach!

My plan backfired,

and now if I don't take my dad
to the Flyers, I'll break his heart!

I'm on my shake break.

Don't you have any other
friends you can talk to?

They're all in Joseph.

Please help me
find sports tickets.

What's the TKTS of hockey?

All right, I'm gonna
help you out here.

I share season tix to the Flyers
with 16 other gym teachers.

- You'd do that for me?
- No.

I'd do it for my lady
love, Ms. Cinoman.

This musical is her creative
vision, and I gotta support it.

All she did was send in a tape.

I think you and I both know
she's the heart of this show.

(COACH MELLOR GULPING)

So much egg and beets, thick.

ADULT ADAM: Thanks to Mellor,
I scored some hockey tickets.

Meanwhile, Barry was evening
the score with the Frentas.

It's now or never, boys.

We're not just
at war for our turf.

We're at war for our honor.

Again, there is no war,

just a minor disagreement
with your mother.

And we're taking'
that mother down.

(MAN RAPPING)
Colors, colors, colors

Colors, colors

I am a nightmare
walkin' Psychopath talkin'

King of my jungle
Just a gangster stalkin'

Living life like a
firecracker Quick as my fuse

Vendettas of death
back The colors I choose

Red or blue, cuz or
blood It just don't matter

Sucka dive for your life
When my shotgun scatters

The gangs of L.A.
would never die

Just multiply... Colors

Colors, colors...

You guys lose something?

Like your turf?

- JTP!
- ALL: JTP!

Colors, colors

Colors, colors, colors...

Ladies, choose your weapons.

Colors, colors

My pants are
saggin', braided hair

Suckas stare but I don't care

My game ain't
knowledge My game's fear

I've no remorse
so squares beware

But my true mission
is just revenge

You ain't in my set
You ain't my friend

Wear the wrong
color Your life can end

Uh, Bar?

I think we lost the turf war.

What am I lookin' at right now?

It's a gazebo. And that's
French for, "Eat (BLEEP)"

(ALL LAUGHING)

Ouch!

- It's over.
- Told you.

Incredible craftsmanship.

I am so jealous of you,
your first hockey game.

There's nothin' like it!

Must be like opening
night at the theater.

Not that you would know.

ADULT ADAM: Yeah, I was super
bummed to be watching ice sports

instead of toe-tapping
musical theater.

But then something
magical happened.

Whoa. So fast and effortless.

That's Tim Kerr, left wing.

He's like the Ben
Vereen of skating.

Go, go, go!

ADULT ADAM: I
discovered hockey kicks ass!

(CROWD GROANING)

Oh! You suck, Winnipeg Jets!

Oh, my God, they're the Jets!

It's like West
Side Story on ice!

ADULT ADAM: Thanks to my
dad, I became a true hockey nut...

Standing ovation!

Standing ovation!

ADULT ADAM: With a lot to learn.

Oh, yeah! The
gloves are comin' off!

I love hockey!

I love hockey!

(MURRAY LAUGHING)

Now I know why Barry never
takes off this dumb Flyers shirt.

It's like I'm part of the team,
and I want everyone to know it.

I can't take it. This
is too much, too fast.

I'm gonna give you a hug!

And you know what's even better?

When you go to Joseph and
I teach you about what I love!

- What's a Joseph?
- We just learned something incredible.

I tried your thing, which I
thought I would hate, but I loved it!

- That's true.
- Think about it like this.

How did you feel when Dave Brown
was sent to the box for cross-checking

when we already
had the power play?

I was on the edge of my seat.

And that's how you'll feel
when Potifar unfairly jails Joseph.

I can't believe that analogy
completely makes sense to me.

'Cause I love hockey.
We can communicate now.

- See how important this is?
- Okay!

- I'll go see the thing.
- To the theater!

- I'm gonna give you a hug!
- I'm gonna let ya!

BARRY: Okay, JTP.

Today, we face a rival gang the
likes of which we've never seen.

They're crafty, they're
pushy, they're old.

- What do we do?
- I got it!

Moms love laundry, right? So
we bring in a basket of clothes

and have them fight
over who gets to fold it.

Or we tell them
the floor's dirty.

Watch 'em scrap over who
gets to mop it to a brilliant shine.

Or...

We say only one of
them has the privilege

of making us an afternoon
snack, and then we watch 'em fight.

Um, guys? Your plan
is predicated on the idea

that these moms love cooking and
cleaning, and I don't think they do.

Buzzkill Bradley strikes again.

- What does "predicated" even mean?
- Matt, come on.

All right, fine. Just do the...
Just do the laundry thing!

You realize those boys are
upstairs right now, plotting against us?

Let 'em try. We're inseparable.

I am so glad that you finally
stood up for yourself, Beverly.

Oh, well, that's all
thanks to you guys.

No! You deserve the credit

for putting that bratty
little jerk in his place.

(LAUGHING) Whoa! Okay.

- Let's not go crazy.
- Essie's right.

Barry can act like a bit of
a poop head sometimes.

My child's head is not
made of poop, Ginzy.

I mean, do you ever hear me
call your son a dirty man-tramp?

- 'Cause he so is one.
- Mmm.

How dare you? Drew
is such a gentleman.

Girls, stop. Let's just agree that
both of your sons are meh at best.

Oh, please, Linda. Your precious
little Geoffy is part of this, too.

Well, that's just
Barry's bad influence.

ADULT ADAM: And so they all
broke the cardinal rule of Frentaship.

Never rip on
someone else's child.

Bad news, ladies!

We got a lot of laundry, and
only one of you gets to fold it.

- I'm sorry.
- No, that's fine, Barry.

- They were just leaving.
- Fine by me.

- Perfect!
- These bubbles are mine!

What just happened?

I can't have people in my
life who disrespect my kids.

The yard's all yours.
Have fun with your friends.

Does anyone else feel
really bad right now?

- Yeah.
- I do.

Doesn't feel so
good to win a turf war.

Colors.

Colors.

It's really nothing like it.

Matt, just shut up.

(ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)

ADULT ADAM: Now that I
shared my dad's love of hockey,

it was time for him to fall in love
with the glory that is musical theater.

Man, I am so jealous of you
right now, your first musical.

There's nothing like it.

You know what?

I think this won't be so bad.

ADULT ADAM: With that, Andrew
Lloyd Webber's opus began,

and my dad was totally
digging it, for about 10 seconds.

After that, he was squirming.

These seats are so small.
It's worse than an airplane.

ADULT ADAM: Then, he was hungry.

Ju... Let me do it.

ADULT ADAM: And
finally, he was sleepy.

Very, very, incredibly sleepy.

- Dad! Wake up! It's the curtain call!
- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

Ah, great.

Let's go.

Never again.

That was so boring!

I've never felt such
exhaustion in my life.

Exhaustion?

You slept through half the show
and missed all the best Pharaoh songs!

That's another thing.
What's with all the singing?

It's a musical!

Who sings that
much? Who does that?

Just think. There had to
be something that you liked.

Yeah, that part in the middle
where I thought it was over.

The intermission?

What do you want from me?

I don't get theater, Adam.

(SIGHS) Then you don't get me.

ADULT ADAM: So, theater
wasn't my dad's thing,

but seeing me so hurt made him do
something I never thought was possible.

Class, a very angry parent

has informed me that some of you
felt excluded from the Joseph tour.

So, to make it right,

I hereby change
the school musical

to Joseph instead of Cats.

(ALL EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)

Cats! That's the title!

My coat of many colors, please.

It's got sleeves, if
you wanna use them.

I'm fine.

(SINGING) I close my eyes

Drew back the curtain

To see for certain

What I thought I knew...

Oh, Dad, wait!

You got her to do Joseph?

But you didn't even like it.

For sure. But you finally got me
to see how much it means to you.

I did? How?

I guess now we're
speaking the same language.

I... I... (STAMMERS)

I'm gonna hug you now.

Again? We already
hugged twice this week.

Well, now it's a hat trick.

Hey.

Shouldn't you be out brunching,
croqueting, or power-walking?

Well, that's not very
fun when you're alone.

Mom, don't be mad at your
friends for calling me out.

They only did that 'cause
they care about you.

I know. But after that fight,

there's just no turning back.

Then I guess now you
can only move forward.

Wow. Hi.

I can't believe
you all came back.

Well, Barry made us realize that
nothing comes between friends.

I thought you said they
were a bad influence.

And that's why
they're great for you.

(ALL GIGGLING)

ADULT ADAM: Thanks to
Barry, my mom had her crew back,

and the great Goldberg
turf war came to a close.

To be clear, it was nothing
like the movie Colors.

But in my world, a coat of many
colors was more alive than ever.

- That's my son!
- (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Look at him bow! Look at him go!

ADULT ADAM: Sure, my dad
never did grow to love the theater,

but when the cast was just right, he
was finally able to change his tune.

'Cause when you got family
and friends by your side,

life truly is a
journey worth taking.

WOMAN: Which of you is
most like your TV counterpart?

- Andy Cogan.
- Yes, me, Andy Cogan.

(BELL DINGS)

Mine's too good-looking,
'cause I'm ugly.

(BELL DINGS)

Yes, I was the one
who always got the girls,

so I had always got good dates.

(BELL DINGS)

But he's sensitive and loyal,
which I am sensitive and loyal.

And I get naked.

(BELL DINGS)