The Goldbergs (2013–…): Season 10, Episode 22 - Bev to the Future - full transcript

The series finale: When Adam takes Beverly to her high school reunion, he tries to end a reality where she winds up with the wrong man; Barry and Joanne make a surprising decision to prove the seriousness of their relationship.

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[Adult Adam] Back in the '80s,
I loved making movies,

and the flick that lit my fuse
was Back to the Future.

To me, Michael J. Fox
as Marty McFly

was the epitome of cool,
and I had props to prove it.

Like, all of them.

DeLorean.

Man, I loved that movie,

no matter how many times
I saw it.

It's official. 31 viewings
and it still holds up.

Ah, it's no
Guns of Navarone.

You say that about
every movie, Pop-Pop.



Including, oddly,
The Guns of Navarone.

Adam, why do you wear that dumb
vest every time you watch it?

It puts me in the experience.

Plus, my bosom area
runs chilly.

You don't need a vest.

Mama will make sure her
baby's boy-bosom stays warm.

Is it better or worse

that she says those things
in front of me?

Mom, don't be like that
creepy lady in the movie

who's got the hots
for her son.

Excuse me, but I would hardly

call the greatest mother-son
romance of all time "creepy".

Silence.

I, who dominate all tenses--
past, present, future,



summer, and fall--

have figured out
the movie's lesson.

Well, he's gonna say it anyway,
so what'cha got, Bar?

That Doc Brown
is nothing but trouble,

so never make friends
with the elderly.

Sorry, Pop-Pop.

No, don't apologize.
I'm good with it.

I think the movie explores
the age-old question--

what would you do if you could
go back and change the past?

Not a damn thing.

I'm sorry, didn't your
wife take off,

so you abandoned your sons
to fend for themselves?

I know what I'd change.
I'd sit more.

I'd go back to when my three
Schmoos were at William Penn.

Oh, we'd totally be besties.

Somehow, time travel is
the most believable part

of what you just said.

Mom, you wouldn't go back
to your own high school?

[Scoffs] Funny you
should bring that up.

There is a reunion this
Saturday, but I'm not going.

Well, why not?

Well, it would be exhausting
having to explain

to everyone all night
that I'm not a current junior.

You do gibe off the vibes
of someone

- who doesn't
understand the world yet.
- Aw.

Also, I don't want to go alone,
and the next day,

I'm throwing Muriel a surprise
first birthday party.

Yeah, no need to whisper.

It's Sunday at 10:00
and they're taking you
to the park first,

so act surprised.

Yeah, babies
don't know crap.

She still thinks I got
her nose. [chuckles]

It's a thumb, dumb-dumb.

Adam, you should take
your mom to her reunion.

Me?
You know I'm Adam, right?

Carmen,
listen to me carefully--

I finally like you now.

It's not happening.

But she doesn't want
to go alone.

I wish I could,
but, you know,

I've gotta think of
an excuse-- dammit!

There was
too much pressure.

Diarrhea!
Is that something?

Marty McFly would do anything
to help his mother.

All right, fine.

It's a date.

Oh, no! Wrong words!

Yay!

I have a date for the reunion,
and he's adorable!

I'm gonna chew on my sweet,
sweet arm candy.

[barking]

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps
getting clearer every day ♪

[Adult Adam]
It was 1980-something,
and Barry and Joanne

had been living together
for a while now,

but had finally put their own
special stamp on the place.

Welcome to the homestead!

We made some changes
since you were here last.

- [door closes]
- Is that an arcade claw machine
where the sofa should be?

Ahem, that's a skill crane

to sharpen my baby's
surgical skills.

For instance, this morning,

I extracted a plush dolphin
on the third try.

That could someday be
somebody's infected spleen.

In that case, three suddenly
seems like too many tries.

Knock-knock.

Why do you say "knock-knock"
when we walked in anyway?

Sue me for being playful, Linda.

- Ah. Hey, Mom and Dad.
- [door closes]

Older, wizened Schwartzes,
welcome to the Love Shack.

Ah, you can just call it
anything other than that.

We just stopped by with
a little housewarming gift.

I bet I know what it is.

When Geoff and Erica
moved in together,

they got our Nana's china
and flatware.

Ta-da!

It's a gymnosperm.

Oh.

Look at that.
A plant.

Huh.

Are your dead Nana's
ancestral forks and spoons

buried underneath
that hideous flower?

Yeah, Mom [scoffs]
where's the good stuff?

Well, you did break
a lot of plates

when you were
staying with us.

We were having Greek food, Linda.
That's what you do.

But also,
they got china because

we knew their union
was permanent.

Well, me and Jo Jo are way
more permanent
than these fools.

Fools?

We're married with a child.

Oh, desperately changing
the subject--

how is Muriel?

Is she talking yet?

No, Mother, and you
constantly asking about it

is certainly not a point
of anxiety for a new parent.

She's just saying you were
speaking full sentences

at nine months.

It seems Muriel's a little more
Goldberg than Schwartz,
if you know what I mean.

[laughs]

He got you good, Erica.

Enough about them.
You guys don't think
our relationship is permanent?

Yeah, Louis, I'm not good
enough for your daughter?

Barry, we love you
like a son.

It's just, every relationship
needs at least one adult.

Louie coming off the top rope
with the truth elbow.

- With these two, it's Geoffrey.
- Wait, what?

But you two are each-- well,
how do I put this tactfully?

Eh, ridiculous.

It's hard for us
to take you two seriously.

I mean, look at this place.

It's like an abandoned
Chuck E. Cheese.

You mean the happiest
place on Earth?

I do not.

Come on, Linda.
We gave them the thing.

- Let's go.
- Love you.

We're rooting for you.-[door opens, closes]

[Adult Adam] No one took
Barry and Joanne seriously,

and my mom was seriously
excited for her big reunion.

Ah, Beverly, I am so glad
you decided to go.

I can't wait
to see everyone.

I always forget you two
went to high school together.

Yeah, so do I,
and I was there.

[all laugh]

I'm not sure
how to take that.

Who's George Meyerson?

He signed your yearbook
"George and Bev forever".

George was your mother's
first serious boyfriend.

Ginzy, Murray was my mom's
first boyfriend,

and then husband,
and eventually listless father

to my siblings and me.

She's talking about
high school.

How did I not know this?

Wait, is this the George?
The one I've
always heard about?

Oh, so Essie's in the loop?

Yes, he's that George.

Ooh!
You were Best Couple?

We had our moments.

Well, you certainly had some
moments at Senior Beach Day.

And at the prom.

And behind the oak tree.

Oh, Ginzy, you're terrible.

Why? What happened
behind the oak tree?

Was it friendship
and a solemn respect

that didn't involve
touching in any way?

It was innocent, Adam.

We were sweethearts
our senior year,

then the next year,
I went to college

and your father swept me
off my feet.

I just don't know how
to feel about this.

Feel about what?

Before I was married,
I was a person with a life.

And what if he's there tonight
and wants to resume that life?

Oh, pfft.

He's probably chubby
and bald by now.

Dad wasn't exactly
Patrick Swayze.

I hear he's married
and lives in Rochester.

We once stayed in Rochester
on our way to Montreal.

Don't tell the Rochester
story tonight, Ginzy.

It's a real yawn.
Mm-hmm.

Oh, girls, help me get ready.

We've only got two hours
for hairspray,

- so it's gonna be down
to the wire. Come on.
- Ooh!

[Adult Adam]
While I felt uneasy tagging
along with my mom,

Barry was looking
for an easy way

to prove he
and Joanne had legs.

JTP!

Friendship and brutal honesty!

[together] JTP!
Friendship and brutal...

- Honesty?
- Yeah, what was
the second part?

Do we have a new slogan?

A few years back, I suggested
"Gentlemen Warriors",
but I was told to zip it.

Zip it, Naked Rob.

It has come to my attention

that people think
of me and Joanne as ridiculous.

- Can you believe that?
- Um...

Can we try
an easier question?

I'm gonna keep staring
at my shoes.

What the hell, JTP?

Why are we not taken seriously?

Well, in the last
presidential election,

you both wrote
in Spuds MacKenzie.

Yeah.

He's a Beltway outsider
who understands our generation.

The only thing in your guys'
freezer is a dozen snowballs.

For a summer sneak attack

on those smug sixth graders
down the block.

And you both literally
fall down laughing

whenever I mention
my grandma's angina.

[chuckles]
To lighten the mood.

You know what?

Stop providing shaky evidence
of the problem,

and tell me how to fix it.

Maybe you guys can talk
about serious subjects.
Politics or something.

Too much work. Next.

You could throw
a dinner party.

My parents do that a lot.

I think it's so they don't have
to be alone together.

Next.

Maybe try to think about
what it means to be adults

in terms
of moving forward.

Very helpful, Matthew.

Cool.
I-I honestly didn't think--

Your idea was such
a floating turd,

it made Naked Rob's clunker
seem decent.

Ergo, dinner party it is.

- Always happy to help.
- You do?

He is not
a Warrior Gentleman.

[Adult Adam]
While Barry decided
to throw a dinner party,

my mom and her classmates were
in a party mood at the reunion.

"Enchanted Waters"?

Isn't that from
that time travel movie

we just watched with,
um, Marcus J. Frogs?

You know what?
It's your night.

- I'll give you that.
- [gasps] Hey, look.

Beverly,
it's George Meyerson.

Oh, my God, it is him.

And he looks
exactly the same.
He's coming over here.

Shut up, Ginzy.
Shut up!

I literally didn't say
a thing.

Well, well, well.

Beverly Solomon.

George.

It is so nice to see you.

Well, not that
it's a competition,

but it's even nicer
to see you, so I win.

Hello, George.

Virginia Hollingsworth-Kremp.

I went here as well.

Didn't you drown
sophomore year?

No, that was another girl.

Sorry, I just have this memory
of delivering lasagna

to a grieving blonde family.

No, no, we were in
four classes together,

and then we shared
a locker senior year

when they were one short.

- Remember?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm really
digging deep.

I'm-- I'm coming up
with bupkis.

Sorry.

Ginzy, stop making
George uncomfortable.

- Go introduce yourself
to the rest of the class.
- [sighs]

I already know everybody,
but okay.

There he is. Just the guy
I've been looking for.

Uh, gin and tonic,
easy ice.

What would you like, Bev?

To introduce you
to my son, Adam.

Get out of here.
How about that?

Boy, he's a regular
Tom Cruise, huh?

- He gets that all the time.
- I do?

Well, I whisper it
every morning.

He's my little Top Gun
co-pilot.

Oh, gosh.

Bev, I heard about Murray.

I'm-- I'm so, so sorry.

Well, thank you.
That's very nice.

Where's your
old ball and chain?

Surely, she's here
hanging up your coats,

and then she'll stand
dutifully by your side
for the rest of the evening?

Actually,
I lost Vivian, too.

Not like at the mall.

She's dead.

I'm so sorry.

I-I guess
we're in the same boat.

What? Like on, uh,
Senior Lake Day?

Well, that was
one for the ages.

- [laughs]
- Yeah.

How many senior days
were there?

Eh, Bev, why don't we, eh,
get a couple drinks at the bar,

catch up a little bit?

Yeah, ol' Bev here
ain't much of a drinker.

But you probably
would have learned that

if your personal
history together

didn't hit a brick wall
senior year.

Well, you know, one little
cocktail never hurt anyone.

Eh. Come on, Bev.
Let's do this.

Unless Lenny Roper's
already drank all the booze.

[both laugh]

He wrecked his life
with poor decisions.

I know.

To prove that they were
a serious couple,

Barry and Joanne
decided to have
a serious adult dinner party,

or at least
their version of one.

Good eventide, dear guests.

Sorry, we're here to see
my nutso brother.

How droll.
May I take your coats?

He sees that we're
not wearing any, doesn't he?

I'm not sure
what's happening.

Nice suit, Bar.-[door closes]

Where are the rest
of the Blues Brothers?

What a pleasant bon mot,
dearest friend, Geoffrey.

I purchased this at Macy's,
in the adult section.

Joanne, dear,
company has arriven.

[British accent]
Charmed, charmed.

When did you get
a British accent?

Oh, aren't you a cheeky bloke,
brother dear.

So, just in the last
few minutes, then.

Now, do sit.

[Adult Adam]
And so they did,
and things only got weirder.

How are mortgage rates
treating you, Mother?

Rally, Jo Jo?
You're interested
in mortgages?

One day, Barry and I
hope to own a home,

so we have to start thinking
about whatever mortgages are.

- Joanne, dear...
- Hm?

...regale our guests
about your love of horsing.

Well, I have been in
the market for a stallion.

Of course, she already
has one-- me.

[both]
Mwuh-mwuh-mwuh-mwuh-mwuh.

Are you two okay?

Is there a gas leak?

- No, but we do have
some very upsetting news.
- Mm.

Matt Bradley's grandmother
has angina.

Yes, we've known that
for years.

But did you know
she has acute angina?

It's something we've
been discussing

without bursting out laughing.
[stifles a laugh]

I guess that's refreshing.

Last week, you two literally
fell off the couch

when I said I was going to
the office to tend
to my duties.

So, so droll.

[Adult Adam]
While Barry and Joanne were
trying out some new personas,

my mom and George were settling
back into their old ways.

Holy hell.

You published a cookbook?

I did.

Nobody knows this,
but I'm famous.

You know, Bev, I gotta say,

I wasn't sure about
coming here tonight,

but seeing you
has been magical.

Magic, you say?

Oh, good. He's back.

Go ahead. Pour this milk
into this newspaper.

This is the one
who's almost 20?

Mm-hmm.

[mid-tempo music plays]

- Nope.
- What are you doing, man?

What a mess!

Come on, Mama,
let's get as far away

from this clumsy man as we can!

[Adult Adam]
As I tried to keep my mom
and George apart,

Barry and Joanne were trying
to hold their dinner together.

So, what'd you make?

One of those stupid lambs

where they put little chef's
hats on their feet?

[normal voice]
What are you talking about?

- You made dinner.
- Uh, no.

So we have nothing to serve?

What are we gonna do?

There's that wing place
on the corner.
Give me 20 bucks.

I only have three.

[Barry] Here you go, miss.

[slight British accent]
One for you, one for you.

Bon appetit.

And just so you know, there's
no more where that came from.

You guys forgot about the food,
didn't you?

[normal voice]
For sure. Yes.

[Adult Adam]
While Barry and Joanne proved

they'd never
be taken seriously,

my mom and George were proving
to have a real history.

My God,
were we ever that young?

I know, right?

Here's a big change--
she's a full-fledged
granny now.

- Really?
- Really.

This lady--
[scoffs] long gone.

I don't know.

Still looks
pretty great to me.

Well, I love
being a grandma.

In fact, if you're
still in town,

we're having her first
birthday party tomorrow.

Adorable.
I would love that.

Ooh, that's too bad.

Erica's adamant
about the guest list.

Family only.

Adam, what are you doing?

Just reminding you
tomorrow's a big day.

Ol' Bevy here
needs her granny sleep.

I think I can handle it.

Yeah.

George, what do you say
we hit the photo booth?

[Adult Adam]
For the first time in my life,

my mom was actually interested
in someone more than me.

[giggling] Oh.

This is going right
on my fridge at home.

Wow.

It's kinda squished
in here, huh?

Haven't been this close
in a long time.

Don't worry!
There's room for one more!

[Adult Adam]
There really wasn't.

And while I tried to
horn in on their fun,

Barry figured being fun
was no longer an option.

What are you doing?

Tossing out all the stuff
that makes us us.

- [scoffs]
- Goodbye, gumball machine.

Goodbye, hilarious
happy hour clock

where every number is five.

Can you help me push
the skill crane out the window?

No, Barry,
not the skill crane.

This stuff is who we are.

But everyone thinks
we're ridiculous,

and after tonight,
it's hard to argue.

But we're not.
[scoffs]

We're two people who love each
other and have fun together,

and if we can't be that, then I
don't want to be anything else.

You're right.

- I don't care
if we're ridiculous.
- Mm.

As long as we're ridiculous together.

I just wish there was
a way that we could
make everybody see

that we can be fun
and serious.

Maybe there is.

[Adult Adam]
As Barry and Joanne had
an idea to shake things up,

my mom and her old beau
had some moves of their own.

Alright, folks, we are going to
slow it down a little.

Balls!
Not a slow song.

[Adult Adam]
I couldn't give up.

All I could do now was channel
my hero, Marty McFly

in Back to the Future.

[feedback whines]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

Sorry, but this is
an emergency.

My mom's dancing with someone
who's not my dad.

[Adult Adam]
The only problem--
I didn't play guitar.

[sour notes playing]

I'm not what you call musical.

I don't think this is tuned.

Maybe this?

Is this something?

Not even a little.

♪ Go, Johnny, go, go, go ♪

Did I do it?
Are we back in the future?

Adam F. Goldberg!

What are you doing?

Suddenly, you and
Mr. Class Personality

- are inseparable.
- Bev, it's okay.

I get
what's happening here.

It's probably best
I take off.

But it was great seeing you.
[chuckles]

Why would you ruin my night
with George?

Because he's not Dad, okay?

Adam, your father was
one of a kind.

There will never be anyone
who can replace him.

It still seems like
you're trying to.

Okay, I don't get it.

Why now?

Where was all this concern
when I was seeing
Mr. Perott?

That doofy
guidance counselor?

Nobody thought that
was anything.

But you obviously have a real
history with this George guy.

I do!

And it's nice.

And don't you think
that just maybe

I deserve a chance
to see where it goes?

- I don't know.
- [sighs]

What you did tonight
was really unfair.

[Adult Adam]
By dabbling in my mom's past,

I had messed with her future,
and I felt awful.

Pop-Pop,
I am such an idiot.

No argument from me.

But-- But I guess say more?

I ran off a decent man

that my mom could have
found happiness with.

Well, go get him back.

He's probably halfway
to Rochester by now.

How would I possibly
get there?
I don't even have a car.

I think I can help you.

A DeLorean?

Yeah, my idiot son Marvin
owed me a buncha money,

and this is how
he paid me back.
[chuckles]

Isn't it hideous?

It's the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen.

Oh, be careful.

I used some spare parts
to fix my coffee maker.

Are you telling me

you made a coffee machine...
[breathing heavily]

out of a DeLorean?

Well, don't say it so weird,
but yeah.
Now take it already.

Up to 88 miles per hour?

What? No.

That's way over
the speed limit.

Am I making a mistake
giving this to you?

No, I'll respect
all traffic laws.

Let's do this.

[Adult Adam] Sometimes,
we yearn to go back

and fix the past.-[engine starts]

The license plate fell off!

This kid. Eh.

[Adult Adam]
Other times, we rush
headlong into the future.

Okay. Say "Dada".

Say "Dada".

Or "Mama".

My feelings
won't be hurt too much.

Hello, siblings!

Normal greetings!

What's with
the creepy smiles?

I believe what you mean
to say is,

"What's with the creepy smiles,
Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg?"

That doesn't
make any sense--
You didn't!

- They didn't!
- We did.

- We got married!
- [both laugh]

You eloped?

Mom is gonna kill you!

Kill us
with hugs and kisses.

No, I mean literally kill you
dead when she finds out

that she didn't get to plan
and ruin your big day.

And despite the fact that
they don't have to pay for it,

Mom and Dad
won't be much happier.

I guess we weren't really
thinking about anyone else.

It'll be fine.

- We just need to pick
the right moment to tell them.
- Mm.

Like in a couple years,
or never.

Yeah.
Never sounds good.

No, that would only
make things worse.

You have to do it today.

- Then today it is,
my love.
- Mm.

I will happily tell
the whole world.

Oh, we really are
the best couple here.

By a lot.

[Adult Adam]
While Barry and Joanne
had made their union official,

I figured there was one reunion

that could fix things
with my mom.

Mom, I just want to say...
I'm really sorry.

It's fine, Adam.

It's not.

I got so caught up
in my own feelings,

I didn't think about yours.

So why don't we just
forget about it?

Okay. George?

Bev, I just popped by to see
if that invitation

to your granddaughter's
birthday party was still good?

You really came all the way
out here
for a baby's birthday party?

That, and I wasn't gonna wait
another 30 years

to see you again.

[REO Speedwagon's
"Time for Me to Fly" plays]

♪ I've been around for you ♪

Well, I don't know
what to say.

- How about a "yes"?
- Hm?

Well, then, yes.

[Adult Adam] Yep.

Life back then was full
of wonderful surprises,

whether it was an old flame

- or new ones
on a birthday cake.
- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

And the best part was we got
to share them

with the people we love.

Look at how happy
our parents are right now.

It's the perfect time
to tell them!

- Okay.
- Okay.

Mom, Lou, Linda,
I have something to say.

[Muriel] Bubbe.

- [laughs]
- Was that her first word?

It was!
She said something.

It was clearly Bubbe.
That's me.

I'm-- I'm her Bubbe.

Our baby's a genius.

She really is a Schwartz.

We can't steal
that baby's thunder.

Fine. We'll tell them
when things are calmer.

No rush.

♪ Time for me to fly ♪

[Adult Adam]
No doubt about it, the '80s
were the best years of my life.

What a crazy and wonderful time
to grow up--

the movies, the music,
the clothes.

But the thing that made
that decade really special

was my family.

♪ But it's time for me to fly ♪

We didn't always get along.

Stop videotaping!

We made a lot of mistakes.

Too many, really.

Don't forget to wash
your bottom.

But at the end of the day,
we always had each other.

♪ It's time for me to fly ♪

My mom always said family
was everything,

and she couldn't
have been more right.

♪ It's time for me to fly ♪

And even if I had a time
machine and could go back,

I wouldn't change a thing.

♪ It's time for me to fly ♪

So, where are we headed?

I don't know.
Let's find out.

[engine starts]

♪ It's time for me to fly ♪

[Adult Adam]
It was 1980-something,
and it was awesome.

[Beverly]
Barry Goldberg, you did what?

[laughing]

I'm gonna miss you guys!