The Garfield Show (2008–2016): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pasta Wars/Mother Garfield - full transcript

-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]

[upbeat theme song playing]

-[Garfield] Hee-hee!
-[remote clicks]

[snoring]

No, Heather...

I know how much you super-models
love cartoonists,

but I'm promised to another.

[ominous music playing]

[clears throat] Yoo-hoo.
Hello? Time to get up!

Very important day! Wakey-wakey!

I hate to do this.



No, I don't. [snickers]

-[screams]
-[alarm ringing]

[thud!]

Why did you do that?

-You did that because it's trash night?
-Hardly.

It's some sort of holiday. It's...

Oh, no!

That's today?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

He's sorry, he's sorry, he's sorry.

I'll have them in a jiff!

[blowing party favor]

[Jon] All right, Garfield!

Your birthday lasagnas are ready!



[crunching]

[panting]

This is great, Garfield.

I'm going to edit this
into my lasagna home video montage.

[Odie yips]

I've been shortchanged.

There. I've added the new footage.

I have over six hours of video
of Garfield eating lasagna.

Well, it's not like he does anything else.

[Garfield knocks, clears throat]

Complaint!

Something wrong, Garfield?

Recount demand!

What is it?

I cooked you one lasagna
for every year old you are.

[gasps] I'm one short?

I'm one short!

And I don't have the ingredients
to make another birthday lasagna!

I'm going to the market!
I'll be right back!

I'm gonna put the time to good use.

I'm gonna do something constructive.

-[Odie yipping]
-I'm gonna start dreaming about...

[Odie barking]

[dramatic soundtrack plays]

[whirring]

Twenty-four zordniks until we reach
the invasion planet, exalted leader.

Good. Did you send for Reekotta?

Here he is, exalted leader.

Reekotta! I have a mission
of vital importance for you.

Am I to lead the attack
on the invasion planet, exalted leader?

No, this is more important.
Let me show you.

Our scanners have taken thousands
of images of the invasion planet,

and we see nothing
that can possibly prevent us

from invading and making its people
our slaves,

except possibly for this.

Who are those people?

We do not know.

Apparently, they are from a planet
that is neighbor to ours.

They obviously travelled
to the planet we intend to invade.

What happened to them?

The spy images do not show that.
We need to know what we are facing.

I believe I know that person!

I could be wrong but I think
that is my Uncle Mozzi.

Go ahead to the invasion planet.

Go to where that orange creature is,

and find out what happened
to those people.

Take this. It will measure the brain power
of those you encounter.

Right away, exalted leader.

This is Reekotta.

I am on my way to scout
the invasion planet.

I will report back.

Agent Reekotta reporting.

I am on the invasion planet as ordered.
I will--

[Odie barking]

Measuring the brain power
of a local creature I encountered.

Brain measure is... zero.

I will seek out the orange creature.

[Garfield snoring]

Have located the orange creature.

It appears to be in a state
of deep suspended animation.

Hey, sounds like Arbuckle's back.

[Reekotta, whispering]
It's coming. I must hide.

Hope he has my last lasagna ready.

There it is.

Please, do not eat me!

Did you hear something?

[Garfield screaming]

Ouch!

[clangs]

Did you...? That is... What was that?

Oooh!

Odie, did you see my lasagna
run past this way?

-Uh-uh.
-Well, it did.

My lasagna had legs
and then it ran and it talked.

Then it asked if it was... and it had
a mouth and was talking and it ran!

You believe me, don't you, Odie?

Uh-uh.

Well, that's okay.
I don't believe me either.

[sniffing]

[leader] You are satisfied that the orange
creature will be no threat?

I am. I do not know what he did
to vanquish the people in those images,

but I was able to handle him.

Then the invasion shall commence.

All these years,
and I didn't know lasagna could talk.

Why didn't it say something?

What if it isn't just lasagna?
What if ravioli can talk?

What if cannoli tries to beat me up?
And the garlic bread? I'll starve.

[clang!]

[Odie barking]

[Odie yipping]

Hold on, boy. I can't understand you.

Please note. Odie is less articulate
than baked lasagna.

What is it?

[Odie whines]

-Something out there?
-[Odie yips]

[spaceship whirring]

-Odie, they're coming for me!
-[Odie yelps]

I've gotta hide.

-[door slams]
-[Odie yelps]

That creature! Seize him!

[Odie yelping]

If I had an ounce of courage,
I'd go out there and save my friend Odie.

Good thing I don't have
an ounce of courage.

Fine work, Reekotta.

Now we just need to neutralize
that orange creature.

You say he will be easy to defeat?

Very easy, exalted leader.
Just as soon as we find him.

He is here somewhere.

[straining]

Ehh!

We will find that orange creature
and we will destroy him.

What did I ever do to lasagna?

Besides eating thousands of them.

There is no sign
of the orange creature in here.

Let's check all the closets.

-Ahh!
-Did you notice something?

-[slurping]
-[gasping]

[screaming]

Reekotta, I heard. Is something wrong?

[screams]

This is silly. I can't just hide in here
for the rest of my life.

Yes, I can.

No, I can't.

Jon? Odie? Talking lasagna?

-[muffled yelps]
-Odie!

[Odie barks]

It's me they want.
Might as well get it over with.

[all] Oh, no!

[Garfield chuckling]

The humanity!

Sounds like they're in Jon's room.

I thought you said
it would be easy to defeat, Reekotta.

I thought it would be.

[Garfield] Guys.

It's time to end this.

[invaders, screaming]
Run away! Run away!

[rocket engine starts, revs]

I don't know what happened
but I'm sure glad they're gone.

[Odie yips]

Yeah, but you never know what happened.

They were dangerous
and scary and destructive.

But boy, they sure look delicious.

[Jon] Garfield, I'm back.

I knew you wouldn't wanna wait
so I stopped off at Vito's

and got you that extra birthday lasagna.

No, no! Take it away!

It might talk to me! It might...
It might...

Gee. I always thought Vito
was a pretty good cook.

[cat murmuring]

[Garfield sighing]

[Garfield] Mommy, mommy, mommy...

[trash cans banging]

Waking me up is a crime punishable
by no less than 15 years

in a maximum security prison.

-[glass shatters]
-Or at least it should be.

All right, I'm up.

Let's see who's too stupid
to not be sleeping at this hour.

Oh, it's you, Harry.
What are you looking for?

Leftovers.

In this house, nothing is left over.

So I see.

What I really had my appetite set on
was that nice, plump, juicy bluebird.

Does that look like good eating?

But you've had your eye
on that one for a while, right?

Not right. I never chase any bird
smaller than a roast turkey

with stuffing, mashed potatoes,
cranberry sauce

and that creamed corn
that Jon's mother makes.

-What? No bird chasing?
-I gave it up.

Too much work, too many feathers,
not enough drumsticks.

Then do you mind?

-Be my guest.
-Bluebird pie, here I come.

[bluebird chirping]

[Harry chuckling]

[snickers]

[chirps]

-[bell dings]
-[bluebird screeches]

[bluebird scolding]

You win this round, bird.
But I'll get you next time.

Maybe those trash cans
over on Maple Drive will have leftovers.

Chasing birds. Looks like fun.

But I'm not gonna get back
into that again.

My chasing bird days are behind me.

No, no! They're ahead of me!
I must chase birds!

Okay. If you were a cat, you'd understand.

[bluebird singing]

Ahem! The hunt is on.

[screeches]

It's going over to the neighbors' yard.
It won't get away from me.

[neighbor humming]

[Garfield humming]

Ha ha!

[chirps]

[chirping]

[screech]

Ptooey! Whoo!
That bird can't get away from me!

I'll just wait here until she comes back
and then I'll catch her.

She has to come back.
She left her eggs here.

-[worm squeaking]
-Huh?

[bluebird chirping]

[unintelligible scolding]

-[garage doors clanging]
-[screeching]

I put the barbecue away, Muriel!

[screeching]

[Garfield humming]

Still sitting here,
waiting for my dinner to return.

[laughing] The Garfield strip's
funny today.

[clock ticking]

Just gonna wait here.

No matter how long it takes.

She shouldn't leave her eggs alone
this long.

Not with creatures like me about.

[clock ticking]

[owl hoots]

What's wrong with that mother bird?
Leaving her eggs alone all day.

Gee, kinda cold.

I don't think that's good for them.

Oh, well. Not my problem.

I'll chase her tomorrow if she comes back.
She has to come back.

She has to take care
of those cute little eggs.

[man] The female bluebird lays a clutch
of three to five...

Hi, Garfield.

I'm watching
a very interesting documentary.

Anything about feeding your cat?

It's all about birds hatching eggs.

The incubation process,
in which the female sits on the eggs

to keep them warm, takes around two weeks.

It's not that warm out there.

If the heat is not maintained,
the eggs will perish.

Perish? Oh, well.

Like I keep telling myself,
it's not my problem.

[sighs] I think I'll just get me
a little sleep...

[snoring]

Perish?

Maybe I'll just make sure
the mother bluebird

has come back to sit on the eggs.

I'm sure she has.

She hasn't.

This is not good.

Maybe a muffler or a heating pad.

I wonder if there's a place
to plug in an electric blanket.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking.
Okay, but don't tell anyone I did this.

There we go. Keep warm, little eggs.

It's just until the mother bluebird
comes back.

She'll be back any minute. Any minute.

-[Garfield snoring]
-[rooster crows]

[snoring continues]

[eggs cracking]

[Garfield screams]

[cracking continues]

[bird chirping]

He or... she is being born!

And now there's another one being born.

And this one!

I'm a mother.

What am I thinking?

Mama! Mama! Mama!

Mama! Mama! Mama!

No, no, no. I'm not your mama.

-Mama! Mama! Mama!
-Wait. Stop that!

I'm not your mama! I'm a cat.
Honest, I am! Here, listen to this.

Meow. Meow.

See?

I hate to abandon the little fellows

but I don't know anything
about taking care of baby birds.

[birds] Mama! Mama!

Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!

No. Not mama.
Why are you unclear on this concept?

Good time for a nap.
It's always a good time for a nap.

[sighs] Cute little birds,
but I'm not cut out to be their mama.

[snoring]

[birds peeping]

[bird sneezes]

[peeping]

[Garfield] You guys again?

Look, you can't stay with me, fellas.

And my water dish is not a birdbath.

I don't care what you say.
You can't live with me.

-Mama! Mama!
-And stop calling me Mama!

-[bird] Papa?
-[sighs]

Now you're gonna stay there,
and that is an order.

[peeping]

Don't look at me like that.
I can't take care of you guys.

You need someone who can teach you to fly.
I can't do that.

You need someone who can share worms
with you for lunch.

I really can't do that.

[birds sigh]

I'm not gonna look at them anymore.

Your real mother will be back.

Now, goodbye. Bye-bye, bluebirds.

They'll be just fine.

What if the mother bird never comes back?
They could be cold. They could be hungry.

They could be Harry's lunch!

My babies!

-[birds] Mama! Mama! Mama!
-[Harry] Hey, hold it down, little guys.

I'm gonna be eating.

-Let me have those birds, Harry.
-Get your own lunch, Garfield.

-I said let me have those birds.
-[birds chirping]

Hey! That's my meal! I saw them first!

Hold it down, guys. If Harry catches us,

you'll be bluebird sandwiches.

Those birds are mine, Garfield!

You can't get away from me, Garfield!
I'm faster and I'm stronger.

He's right! He is!
I need a place to hide them.

That's not fair, Garfield.
I don't eat your lasagna.

You could leave my bluebirds...

[birds] Mama! Mama!

Big mistake. Now I'm trapped.

Big mistake. Now you're trapped.

I said that.

Stop! Don't hurt them! Or me!
Don't hurt any of us.

-Now, finally, it's lunchtime.
-No!

[mother screeching]

Oww!

Mama! Mama! Mama!

[Harry] Get away! Stop! Stop!

I'm giving up bluebird meals!
I'm giving up eating birds altogether!

No, no! I was taking care of them!

Mama! Mama!

Not me, guys. That's your mama!

Mama? Mama! Mama! Mama!

-[peeping]
-[Garfield laughs]

[peeping]

Bye-bye, guys! Come visit!

Okay, so I saved some birds.
You didn't see that, okay?

I know where you live.