The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 4, Episode 26 - The Philadelphia Story - full transcript

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
y'all ready to hit

the city of sisterly love?

Don't you mean brotherly
love?

Take my word on
this one, Carlton.

It doesn't matter how
you sugar-coat it, Will.

This vacation has all
the earmarks of stinking.

Well, I'm looking
forward to it.

Yeah, me, too, come on, Carlton,
this is Philadelphia

in the springtime, man, there's
people all over the place.

There's guys playing
stickball

girls in the street
playing double dutch.



No country club reciprocity.

Okay, now, Geoffrey, we're gonna
be gone for about

four or five days,
you know what to do.

Don't worry, sir, the house
is in excellent hands.

Do we have to go?

[sighs]
Carlton, your Aunt Vy
is dying to show us

how she's redecorated her home.

God forbid
she should send a picture.

Philip.

- Come on, kids, let's go.
- Oh, alright.

Let's get it over with.

Carlton, would you cool out
a little bit, man?

What, just because you're
not going to some fancy
resort

somewhere, that means
you can't have a good time?



It's a damn shame when
people are spoiled by money.

[scoffs]

G, uh, put some butter
on that and bring that out

to me in the car.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life got
flipped turned upside down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground was where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're moving with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

(Aunt Vy)
'Come on, ya'll,
come right on in.'

Come on, come on, come on!

Oh, oh, there it is, y'all,
hey, hey, check it out.

My TV chair.

Oh...I spent ten years

customizing this thing
to my booty.

Now, I don't want none
of you all sittin' in it

and stretchin' out
my sweet spot.

Y'all know who you are.

Don't make me kill you
in your mother's home.

I'm gonna go
check out my bedroom.

Well, what do you guys think?

Vy, you have really perked this
place up, hasn't she, Hilary?

Um, yeah, I mean, it's so..

...poor.

Ow!

Hey! My bedroom is exactly
how I left it.

I even found my
What's Happeninghome game.

What's happeningor
what's happening now?

What's Happening.

Neato, I get to be rerun.

Hey, listen, listen, go find
yourself a beret

and I'm gonna go
get my stuff unpacked.

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

I'm putting both of you
right out here

on the convertible couch.

And Ashley and Hilary
will be with me.

Philip and Vivian will
have your room.

But, mom, listen, you should
probably make sure

that Uncle Phil sleeps
on the bottom bunk.

'Cause if he get up
on the top bunk

well, you know gravity
ain't no joke.

You know what I'm saying,
he could end up

getting up in China.

You know, Vy, Vy, uh, you know,
we don't wanna be any trouble.

Why don't we just make
reservations

at a hotel and just
get out of your hair?

- 'Yeah, that's a great idea!'
- That's a good idea.

No, no, no! There is
plenty of room right here.

Yup, yup.

And I'll take it as a personal
insult if you guys leave.

Yup, yup, yup-yup-yup.

How about if just I left?

Ow! Ow!

That's what I get
for being considerate.

Vy, we'd be happy to stay
here
with you, all of us.

Good, but don't bother
unpackin' now

'cause we got to get
to the ballpark.

Teddy Pendergrass is singing
the national anthem.

Oh, yeah, Phillies in the house.

Oh, you know, Vy, we're all
a little jet-lagged.

Oh, well, I know Will
wants to go.

Oh, yeah, take the subway
to Broad and Patterson.

- You know it.
- Hey, I'll tell you what.

I'll race you to the
station.

- Loser gotta pay the fare.
- You on.

W-w-wait a minute,
tie your shoes first.

Oh, you're cheatin', you're
cheatin', my mama cheatin'.

Come here!

How come we never
have that much fun?

[yawns]
I don't know. What's on TV?

God, I wish I was home.

Right about now, I'll bet
Geoffrey's turning back

my covers and putting
a little mint on my pillow.

♪ Just take those old records
off the shelf ♪

♪ I'll sit and listen
to them by myself ♪

♪ Today's music ain't got
the same soul ♪

♪ I like that old time
rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ Don't try to take me
to the disco ♪

♪ You'll never even get me
out on the floor ♪

♪ In ten minutes I'll be
late for the door ♪

♪ I like that old time
rock 'n' roll ♪♪

(male #1)
'Hey, programs!'

'Hey, programs!'

- Yo! Hey, what's up, man?
- How are you doing, man?

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

[laughing]

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

Here it is, y'all, the best
hoagie spot in the whole city.

They got the kind of food here
that'll stick to your ribs.

And your feet.

What do you have to tip the
maitre d'to get a good stool?

Unless you're here to stick up
the joint, sit down and eat.

Take a tip, buddy,
you won't get anywhere

in the service industry
treating customers like
that.

Hey, why don't you go take
your Bing Crosby butt

over to the golden arches

and lie down in front of
a drive-through window.

Ain't he great?

Hey, Duke, give me four
cheese steaks, man.

Four Joe Frazier's
in cheese trunks!

- Joe Frazier?
- Yeah, it means big beef.

Duke names all the sandwiches
after people.

Hey, give me one
with mushrooms, Duke.

Wrap one in fungus!

♪ Ain't no sunshine
when she's gone ♪

I don't believe it,
this is the only song

this jukebox's ever played!

We used to sing to this
all the time.

♪ Ain't no sunshine
when she's gone ♪

♪ And this house
just ain't no home ♪

♪ Any time I know I know
I know I know I know ♪

♪ I know I know I know
I know I know ♪

♪ Any time she goes away ♪♪

Yo, dumbo, pick up.

Oh, y'all gonna
love these drawers.

Hey, thanks a lot, Duke.

I've been dying
for one of these!

Oh, my God! These are a mess!

- They're filled with grease!
- Mm, yeah.

It's great, ain't it?

Hey, Will, is that
the legendary Carroll Park

where you used
to play basketball?

Oh, yeah, it sure is.

You call that pathetic strip

of graffiti-littered
concrete legendary?

Can we go there after we eat?

Oh, well, uh, no,
no, no, no, I don't think so.

Wow! I-it's Dick Clark!

- Hey! I grew up watchin' you!
- Thank you, thank you.

How come I got older
but you didn't?

Duke's sandwiches,
a fountain of youth.

Hey, Duke, give me a chicken
sandwich to go, will ya?

Sure thing, Mr. Clark.

One Will Smith.

- Will Smith?
- Yeah.

We named it after this guy
who got into a little scrape

across the street,
only instead of fighting

he ran clear across
the country to California.

He was a chicken, to go.

Oh, what a coincidence,
his name is Will Smith.

You're kiddin'.

Wait a second, yeah,
you're a little taller.

The ears are a little bigger,
but it is you!

My man!

Alright!

Listen, it's me,
but I didn't exactly run.

Hey, look, hey, Mr. Clark, we
got another celebrity over here.

Say hello to Chicken Will, come
on, my man, strut your stuff.

Hey, it's got a good beat,
and you can run to it.

Not you, too, Dick.

Hey, there he goes!
He's runnin' again!

Hey! Hey! Where you goin'?

California's the other way!

[clucking]

[instrumental music]

I'm in! I'm in!
Ah-ah-ah-ah!

Oh, whoa! Oh, whoa!

- Oh, whoa! Aah!
- 'Damn!'

If it isn't the Fresh Prince!

[both screaming]

Man, what y'all been into?

Yo, man, just working
the 40-hour.

Yo, man, we thought you was
living fat in California.

Uh, yeah, I was,
and I would have stayed there

if I'd had known I was getting
played like a clown back here.

Yo, that's not true, man.

Everybody just wanted
to know where you've been.

Clarice, look,
that's Vy's boy, Will.

- Hey, Will!
- How you doing?

Boo!

[laughing]

- That's funny?
- 'I ain't laughing.'

Is that funny? That's-that's
exactly what I'm talkin' about.

I thought y'all
was my boys, man.

Why didn't you tell me my rep
was getting all sliced up?

Yo, we are your boys, man.

Hey, we figured you was
never comin' back.

Yo, but every time somebody
tried to dish you

we stepped to 'em, we got beat
up plenty of times

tryin' to protect your rep.

- Word.
- Y'all did?

Yeah, man.

Wedon't run away
from our fights.

We can't,
all our relatives live here.

Alright,
you hooligans, disperse.

Stop taunting my cousin
just because he ran away

from a fight.

Look, stumpy, I did not run!

I just-I just
went to visit y'all

for four years.

Look, this is Chill,
Soup, Steve, Word.

What's up, stumpy?

Why don't you go upstairs
if you got to use the bathroom?

Hey, mister, there's nothing
worse than dirty Dockers.

Alright, look, squash that.

What am I supposed to do
about my rep?

Yo, you got to stand up
to Omar Boulware, man.

- Word.
- Uh, who's Omar Boulware?

Some guy Will wouldn't fight.

The dude that be spinning me

over his head
in the opening credits.

Oh.

Man, yo, that is one
mean brother, man.

Hey, yo, remember, remember,
in junior high when he stole

the principal's car
just to run him over?

Yo, where-where-where
he be hangin' at, man?

Yo, he down around
Shepherd Park, man.

You're not thinking of fighting
this ruffian, are you?

Look, that's the only way, man.

Word.

Yo, Will, we got your back, man.

- He can't take all of us.
- Straight up.

That's right.

I've been readin'.

Look, I-I appreciate y'all
having my back and
everything

but, um, you know, I got to
take care of this myself.

- Okay.
- Alright?

Carlton, come here, man.

Listen,
I need your help, man.

I gotta go into training, man,
I'm gonna kick Omar's butt!

- Come on.
- Wait a minute.

I thought you said
this was one-on-one.

What do you need me for?

Well, if I win,
I need a witness.

If I lose, you're
my blood type, come on.

- Keep cool.
- Alright, man.

[clucking]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

♪ Gonna fly now ♪

♪ Flying high now ♪

♪ Gonna fly ♪

♪ Fly ♪

♪ Fly ♪

♪ Fly ♪♪

Jeez, this playground makes the
other one look like Club Med.

Come on, Will, what are you
trying to prove?

Hey, look, Carlton,
you don't understand

about reputations, man.

I mean, they could follow you
around like a-like a bad smell.

[sniffs]

Maybe you do understand.

I do know one thing, Will.

A bad smell isn't worth
a mouthful of bloody Chiclets.

Let me explain something to you.

I am not some skinny little
14-year-old kid no more.

If anybody's gonna be
bleeding

it's gonna be that
big, pumpkin-head Omar.

- Uh, Will--
- Carlton, Carlton.

I have the advantage, not
only
is he big and dumb, he's
slow.

- Will--
- 'Carlton.'

It's like, his brain is so tiny

when he shakes his
big head like this

it sounds like
a BB in a canteen.

Does he wear a black sweatshirt?

How the hell am
I supposed to remember

if he wears
a black sweatshirt?

Turn around.

Hey, man.

Yo, man.

We got this court.

Is that so?

You don't remember
who I am, do you?

I don't care who you are.

I said we got this court.

[laughing]

You're funny, listen,
we ain't scared of you, man.

Me and Carlton can take you.

You and who?

Carlton. Ain't that right..

Carlton?

[instrumental music]

Geoffrey, I will
never live down the shame

of a domestic vacation.

Look, go to Rodeo Drive,
buy a bunch of stuff

send it to someone
you know in England

and have him mail it
to all my friends.

[both laughing]

Where have you two been?

I sent you out of here
four hours ago.

Oh, I'm sorry, mom.

We went for a long walk,
I love this city.

Tell her about
that scrapple place.

You ate scrapple?

That's made from
the part of the pig

that's not good enough
to go in sausage.

Oh, but it's good enough
to go in Philip.

Oh, baby.

Yeah, well, this is all very
nice but where are my groceries?

Uh-oh, I knew
we forgot something.

I don't know, I'm supposed
to be in England.

Get some English muffins.

Is that Geoffrey?
Let me talk to him.

Geoffrey, I can't find my gold
silk bathrobe, did you pack it?

Did I forget to pack that?

I'll keep an eye out
for it, sir.

I'm sure it will turn up.

Enjoy the rest
of your vacation.

Goodbye.

There is room for one more.

[laughing]

Let me tell you somethin', man.

You have kicked me off
of this court for the last time.

I don't remember kicking you
off the first time.

You really don't
remember me, huh?

No.

Okay, okay, okay.

Hey, can I see
that ball, brother?

How about a little hint?

Oh, I remember you.

But, hey, man, I'm not
like that anymore.

Oh, really?

You look like the same
bald-headed punk to me.

Oh, yeah, I remember you.

You the chicken sandwich guy.

[laughing]

I am not a chicken!

My mama made me move, man,
my mama made me move.

I would never leave Philly,
I love it here.

So do I, that's why
I'm givin' back to it.

I stayed to help
the kids in the area

so that they wouldn't make
the same mistakes I did.

You-you sound like a

after-school special
or something.

But that ain't gonna
do nothin' for my rep.

Let's go right now, and I ain't
takin' no for an answer.

You have no choice.

Let's go.

Okay, well, you're so stupid

you thought a quarterback
was a refund.

How about that, hey,
how about you're so ugly

that when you was born,
the doctor just slapped

both your parents and your mom,
oh, my goodness!

She is like a doorknob,
everybody gets a turn.

Guess the mom's
the red button.

Okay, okay come on,
let's go, let's go!

Look here, man, I know what
you're tryin' to do

but I am not gonna hit you.

Then I'm gonna tell everybody
you're a punk then.

- Be my guest.
- What about your rep?

Look, you see
those guys over there?

That's my rep.

Brother, you need to grow
up.

(Carlton)
'Will!'

Let me know
when you need me.

- Thanks, Vy, for a lovely time.
- You're welcome.

Will, the plane leaves in
an hour, come on, hurry it up!

Oh, baby, it was
so good having you.

Oh, and here, here's
the, um, Phillies schedule.

Maybe you can come back
when they make it

to the World Series.

I can't do it.

No need to get
melodramatic, Will.

Just watch it on TV
with the rest of us.

I'm talking about going
back to Bel-Air.

I ain't ready to leave yet,
I'm still having fun.

Fun? You've been ostracized
since you got here.

Oh, man, what are you talking
about, that Chicken Will thing?

Come on, man,
that ain't nothing.

Guys be trippin'
like that all the time.

You mean I was in
a garbage can for nothing?

When were you
in a garbage can?

Look, I'm just sayin', you know

I-I didn't realize
how much I missed

just sittin' out
on the stoop.

Look, when we get back,
dad will buy us a stoop.

Come on, we're gonna
miss the plane.

Yeah, I don't wanna
spend another minute

in this sardine can.

Thanks for everything, Aunt Vy.

Will, I'll tell you what.

You stay for another week or so

and then you come home
when you're ready, okay?

- Alright.
- Okay, thanks a lot, Vy.

- It was wonderful.
- Oh, bye-bye.

[indistinct chatter]

- Call me when you get home.
- I will.

- Okay, take care.
- Alright, bye, Hilary.

- Bye, Ashley.
- Thanks again.

Well, isn't this a surprise?

Just me and you,
just like old times.

That's right.

Now go clean up your room.

Go on.

[instrumental music]

What time is Will's plane
coming in?

Oh, I don't know,
he was supposed to call

with his flight arrangements

but once again, he's gets so
wrapped up in his own life

that he cannot take the time
to be a little bit responsible.

[telephone rings]

That must be him now.

- Hello?
- Hey, Uncle Phil.

Will, are you at the airport?

Uh, no, um, I'm at home.

Well, what happened,
you miss your flight?

Sort of.

Well, when are you
coming back then?

I'm not.

[instrumental music]

♪ Gonna fly now ♪

♪ Flying high now ♪

♪ Gonna fly ♪

♪ Fly ♪

♪ Fly ♪

♪ Fly ♪♪

[instrumental music]