The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 4, Episode 23 - Mother's Day - full transcript
Jazz and Jewel decide it is time to start a family, but they are having problems conceiving.
Yo, yo, what's up? This is Will.
I can 't get to the phone right now.
I kind of got my hands full.
So leave a message, unless this
is Carlton, in which case, don 't.
Will, it's Carlton.
I got an emergency.
Will, we just finished dinner...
... and I think I left my wallet
on the dresser, so could...
- Who was that?
- It's just a wrong number, baby.
Now, where was I?
Oh, there I was.
Greetings. Look, munchkin,
a romantic dinner for two.
Jazzy, maybe we should
revise our plans.
You're right, my pet.
Let's unpack after we eat.
I told the landlord,
I don't you repainting our apartment.
Those stains have memories.
Jazz, homey, look, now,
you know, mi casa es su casa.
But, look, tonight,
mi casa es mi casa.
That's okay, Will, I think I better go.
But, wait, wait. Hey, hey, hey, baby.
Come on, you ain't got to do that.
Oh, yes, I do. I'm really hungry.
Hey, baby, baby, I can have some
Rotiserie Gold here in six minutes.
Well, you've done it again,
haven't you?
Done what, Jazzy?
Munchkin, perhaps our visit
is a little ill-timed.
Don't worry, me and Jewel
could sleep out on a park bench.
I hear rain is nature's moisturizer.
Well, look,
y'all might as well just stay.
You done messed
everything up already anyway.
Thanks for hanging up.
I got thrown out of the restaurant...
...and got a ticket for driving
without a license.
What are they doing here?
Jazz's apartment is getting repainted.
Oh, like I care.
I'm going to my room, putting on
my jammies and calling it a D-A-Y.
Either his head's getting smaller
or his butt's getting bigger.
There's a whole army
of these action figures around my bed.
They're fertility gods, Carlton.
Wait.
Y'all trying to have a baby?
Yeah.
Just because we're away from the
marital bed don't mean we ain't gonna:
Hey, whoa, whoa, guys.
Hey, listen.
I'm all for this being fruitful
and multiplying thing...
...but it's kind
of close quarters here...
...so you think y'all can put
a boom-shaka-lock on it for a minute?
I'd like to accommodate you,
my brother, but we're on a mission.
Not on my Posturepedic, bud.
Excuse us for a second.
Listen, Jazz, man, look.
I'm happy for you and your wife,
but you think this mission...
...could get scrubbed for a minute until
your rocket is back on its launching pad?
No can do, Will.
The doctor at the clinic says
this is when I'm at my most fertile...
...which reminds me, sweetie.
I took my temperature, all systems go.
- Permission to board the mother ship.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, no, you don't.
There'll be no boarding
of any kind, Mr. And Mrs...
What the heck
is your last name anyway?
Hey, that's my bed.
Carlton, relax, I'll get you
some new Barney sheets.
I cannot believe they're at it again.
Man, they are not human.
Hey, Jazz. This ain't funny, man.
I command you to stop.
Roll away from the woman.
I can't take this anymore.
I'm gonna go sleep with Mom and Dad.
Careful Uncle Phil
doesn't roll over on you again.
Well, the little darling's fast asleep.
Are you sure you didn't kill her?
I realize what a inconvenience
we've been.
But since you ain't getting us no wedding
present, this is the least you could do.
What are you talking about, man?
I gave you a wedding.
Take that to the bank.
Look, Will, making a baby
is a truly blessed event.
I think you mean
"having a baby," Jazz.
Trust me on this.
Look, Will, my Jewel's fondest dream
is to have a child of her own.
I love her.
She's my delicate little flower.
Yo, crank it up!
Hey, take it easy in there,
we're not insured.
Well, I don't think it's a very good idea
for Jazz and Jewel to reproduce.
Right, big guy.
The prisons are crowded enough.
That's not fair.
If Jazz and Jewel wanna bring
a child into this world...
...who are we to judge?
We're not exactly perfect.
Hello.
So have you kids shopped
for Mother's Day?
I'm afraid I haven't had
a chance to buy their gifts.
- I'll get to the mall after lunch.
- Wait a minute.
Geoffrey is picking out your presents?
Of course not, big guy.
We told him exactly what to get.
Oh, yes.
Down to the very last detail, sir.
Let's see, there's " some kind of perfume
or something," from Miss Hilary.
"A book might be neat,"
from Miss Ashley.
And, " here's 20 bucks
and I expect some change back"...
...from Master Carlton.
I can't believe you kids.
How will your mother feel when she finds
out you didn't do your own shopping?
Oh, I have no problem
with my own shopping.
I got my Mom something
she gonna love.
She always wanted to get my baby shoes
bronzed, but she never got around to it.
So I hooked her up.
Those are your baby shoes?
Well, yeah. I had big feet.
You know what they say
about a guy with big feet.
No, what?
They be saying,
"Damn, you got some big feet."
Well...
As much as it pains me to admit it...
...Will's got the right idea.
This year, I want you
to pick out something handpicked...
...personal and from the heart.
Now, you go out there and shop.
Yeah, that's right.
Feel ashamed of your sorry selves.
You feel ashamed
of your sorry selves.
- Eloquent, sirs.
- Thank you, Geoffrey.
Makes me wanna do something
special for Mrs. Banks myself.
So you don't want me
to get the usual dozen roses?
No, that's good enough.
Hey, Will.
Hey, I'm surprised y'all can walk.
Your levity is inappropriate.
We've been at the free clinic
all morning...
...to find out
why my oven is as yet bunless.
Y'all haven't been baking long.
Hey, and I'm sure,
if you stick with that recipe...
...you'll get the ingredients mixed up...
How can you think about food
at a time like this?
I mean, we ain't
never gonna have a baby...
...because my little soldiers
ain't marching.
Bummer.
Jazz, didn't I tell you
to not be wearing them bikini drawers?
You told me not to wear them
in the streets.
- You ain't tell me not to wear them.
- All right, all right.
You know what?
It's probably just stress.
Yeah. I'm sure that's what it is, man.
I mean, y'all just got married, and
you're always running from the law.
And you know what?
Why don't you go to another
free clinic, get a second opinion.
We can't afford another free clinic.
Jazz, look.
I'm really sorry for you, man.
I mean, hey, at least y'all tried.
Never heard two people try harder.
Don't try to comfort me, Will.
I'm uncomfortable.
Hey, look, Jewel.
- I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do...
- As a matter of fact, there is.
Whatever it is, just let me know.
- You really mean that, Will?
- Name it.
I want your little soldiers.
What do you say? Can I have
your baby? I'd really appreciate it.
Jewel, come on.
You are my best friend's wife.
As much as that excites me,
I think I better pass.
I don't want your body, Will.
I want your little soldiers.
Do I look like the U. N?
Jewel, if Jazz ever found out
about this, it would kill him.
So you in?
You know about this?
Know about it? It was my idea.
What are y'all asking me to do?
Hey, look. How about I give y'all
something else, like a VCR?
You hear that, munchkin?
He's giving us a VCR too.
He's so full of love.
Let's hope so.
Come on, having a baby
is a big responsibility.
We're ready for it. Why, I even started
saving for little Junior's college fund.
Listen, I don't think I can do this.
Sure you can.
Will.
Remember that time
we went to go play ball...
...and your shoelace broke
and I gave you mine?
Same thing.
Jazz, man.
Don't you have some relatives
or something?
Why me?
I mean, you got a good heart.
And you got a lot of smarts...
...and you're tall,
and you got good teeth.
Of course, we'll be praying
he gets my ears.
We really want this baby, Will.
I mean, we love him already.
And we love you too.
And there's no one else we'd ask
to be a part of our family.
How about a toaster?
Kids, I don't know how to thank you.
Such thoughtful gifts.
Well, you deserve them, Mom.
And these roses...
...they are exquisite.
Thank you, honey.
You're welcome.
Well, you know,
it's the thought that counts.
Yes, so think about
sleeping on the couch for a while.
Mother, I wanted to buy you
the perfect gift.
Something that would show you
just how special you are.
But I couldn't find it,
so I made it myself.
You made something?
Hilary, you can't even make change.
Oh, yeah?
Well, you can't even make...
Oh, shut up.
Anyway, I put this together at work.
My tribute to Vivian Banks.
It's a celebration
of your greatest accomplishment.
Don't try to talk.
Let's all just share this moment.
May I help you?
Smith.
Will Smith.
I got appointment, you know,
for the drawing.
You're a little embarrassed,
aren't you?
Don't worry,
we're all professionals here.
Thanks a lot.
I appreciate that.
Gladys, another customer
for the happy booth.
Just have a seat
and think lovely thoughts.
Yeah.
First time, kid?
Well, no, actually, I was 11...
Oh, you mean, here?
Yeah, yeah.
- How about you?
- You kidding? I come here once a week.
Why?
Well, a lot of couples
wanna have babies and can't.
I like to think of myself
as nature's middleman.
Kind of like a Johnny Appleseed
without the apples, huh?
Once a week.
Mr. Considine?
I'm up.
- Good luck.
- Hey, hey, good luck.
Here you are, my brother,
I brought you a card.
Hey, thanks, Jazz.
"Heard you had a stroke"?
It was the closest we could find.
You know, for some reason,
Hallmark has overlooked this occasion.
Jazz.
I gotta be honest, man.
I'm just kind of nervous about this.
You want me to go in with you?
Look, Jazz, come on. I mean...
What are you gonna tell people?
I'm gonna tell them it's my kid.
Will, this is between us.
No one must know
of my secret shame.
The oath.
And to show you how grateful we are,
we're taking you out tonight.
You know, in honor of Mother's Day.
Thanks a lot, Jazz.
I could just kiss you.
You know, that's not exactly
the image I need right now.
Jazz Junior.
So join us in bidding goodbye
to Jazz Junior...
... the greatest player
in the history of the NBA.
That boy down there
has got good genes.
That boy got good genes.
You can't play no ball like that
without having no good genes.
That my seat. Move over.
And now, stepping up to the mike...
... the one, the only, Jazz Junior.
I just wanna say...
...that I owe it all to one man.
My father.
Stand up, Dad, take a bow.
I'm sorry, Will,
but you don't belong here.
Ready, Mr. Smith?
No, I'm not.
I don't belong here.
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
Y'all at least could have waited
until I got here before you ate.
Oh, we didn't order.
This was here when we sat down.
They're cheap tippers too.
Less than 15 percent.
- Will, I got some big news.
- Jewel, Jewel, listen.
Look, I got something
I need to tell y'all.
- But we...
- Jazzy, listen.
Now, this whole having-a-kid thing,
I'm telling you, it's overrated, man.
Babies.
I mean, they all bald
and stanked up and nasty...
- Will, I'm pregnant.
- Jewel.
I was sitting up in the clinic...
I'm sorry, did you say something?
We're gonna have a baby,
Jazzy and me.
How the hell did that happen?
Brother, I think
me and you should talk.
No, I mean, one of your little soldiers
established a beachhead?
You're gonna be a daddy?
Hey, congratulations, man.
Hey, listen, they having a kid
and I ain't had nothing to do with it.
- Oh. Man.
- Thanks, Will, for everything.
Hey.
Happy Mother's Day, Jewel.
Thanks, Will.
Come here, man, come here.
I know we invited you to dinner,
but would you mind paying for it?
I saw my picture
over the cash register.
Come on, Jazzy, let's hit the salad bar.
I brought my big purse.
I know you were looking forward
to being a part of this.
- I hope you're not too disappointed.
- Oh, that.
You know what they say.
"Easy come, easy go."
I guess the world will have to wait
a little for Will Smith, Jr.
He'll come along someday.
Hey! Happy Mother's Day, brother.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man.
Good evening, sir, would you like
to hear tonight's specials?
No, you... No, thanks, man.
You know what?
You know what?
I just lost my damn appetite.
How will your mother feel when she finds
out you didn't do your own shopping?
I have no...
How will your mother feel when she finds
out you didn't do your own shopping?
Oh, I have no...
Same place. We're rolling.
Space, the final frontier.
I can 't get to the phone right now.
I kind of got my hands full.
So leave a message, unless this
is Carlton, in which case, don 't.
Will, it's Carlton.
I got an emergency.
Will, we just finished dinner...
... and I think I left my wallet
on the dresser, so could...
- Who was that?
- It's just a wrong number, baby.
Now, where was I?
Oh, there I was.
Greetings. Look, munchkin,
a romantic dinner for two.
Jazzy, maybe we should
revise our plans.
You're right, my pet.
Let's unpack after we eat.
I told the landlord,
I don't you repainting our apartment.
Those stains have memories.
Jazz, homey, look, now,
you know, mi casa es su casa.
But, look, tonight,
mi casa es mi casa.
That's okay, Will, I think I better go.
But, wait, wait. Hey, hey, hey, baby.
Come on, you ain't got to do that.
Oh, yes, I do. I'm really hungry.
Hey, baby, baby, I can have some
Rotiserie Gold here in six minutes.
Well, you've done it again,
haven't you?
Done what, Jazzy?
Munchkin, perhaps our visit
is a little ill-timed.
Don't worry, me and Jewel
could sleep out on a park bench.
I hear rain is nature's moisturizer.
Well, look,
y'all might as well just stay.
You done messed
everything up already anyway.
Thanks for hanging up.
I got thrown out of the restaurant...
...and got a ticket for driving
without a license.
What are they doing here?
Jazz's apartment is getting repainted.
Oh, like I care.
I'm going to my room, putting on
my jammies and calling it a D-A-Y.
Either his head's getting smaller
or his butt's getting bigger.
There's a whole army
of these action figures around my bed.
They're fertility gods, Carlton.
Wait.
Y'all trying to have a baby?
Yeah.
Just because we're away from the
marital bed don't mean we ain't gonna:
Hey, whoa, whoa, guys.
Hey, listen.
I'm all for this being fruitful
and multiplying thing...
...but it's kind
of close quarters here...
...so you think y'all can put
a boom-shaka-lock on it for a minute?
I'd like to accommodate you,
my brother, but we're on a mission.
Not on my Posturepedic, bud.
Excuse us for a second.
Listen, Jazz, man, look.
I'm happy for you and your wife,
but you think this mission...
...could get scrubbed for a minute until
your rocket is back on its launching pad?
No can do, Will.
The doctor at the clinic says
this is when I'm at my most fertile...
...which reminds me, sweetie.
I took my temperature, all systems go.
- Permission to board the mother ship.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, no, you don't.
There'll be no boarding
of any kind, Mr. And Mrs...
What the heck
is your last name anyway?
Hey, that's my bed.
Carlton, relax, I'll get you
some new Barney sheets.
I cannot believe they're at it again.
Man, they are not human.
Hey, Jazz. This ain't funny, man.
I command you to stop.
Roll away from the woman.
I can't take this anymore.
I'm gonna go sleep with Mom and Dad.
Careful Uncle Phil
doesn't roll over on you again.
Well, the little darling's fast asleep.
Are you sure you didn't kill her?
I realize what a inconvenience
we've been.
But since you ain't getting us no wedding
present, this is the least you could do.
What are you talking about, man?
I gave you a wedding.
Take that to the bank.
Look, Will, making a baby
is a truly blessed event.
I think you mean
"having a baby," Jazz.
Trust me on this.
Look, Will, my Jewel's fondest dream
is to have a child of her own.
I love her.
She's my delicate little flower.
Yo, crank it up!
Hey, take it easy in there,
we're not insured.
Well, I don't think it's a very good idea
for Jazz and Jewel to reproduce.
Right, big guy.
The prisons are crowded enough.
That's not fair.
If Jazz and Jewel wanna bring
a child into this world...
...who are we to judge?
We're not exactly perfect.
Hello.
So have you kids shopped
for Mother's Day?
I'm afraid I haven't had
a chance to buy their gifts.
- I'll get to the mall after lunch.
- Wait a minute.
Geoffrey is picking out your presents?
Of course not, big guy.
We told him exactly what to get.
Oh, yes.
Down to the very last detail, sir.
Let's see, there's " some kind of perfume
or something," from Miss Hilary.
"A book might be neat,"
from Miss Ashley.
And, " here's 20 bucks
and I expect some change back"...
...from Master Carlton.
I can't believe you kids.
How will your mother feel when she finds
out you didn't do your own shopping?
Oh, I have no problem
with my own shopping.
I got my Mom something
she gonna love.
She always wanted to get my baby shoes
bronzed, but she never got around to it.
So I hooked her up.
Those are your baby shoes?
Well, yeah. I had big feet.
You know what they say
about a guy with big feet.
No, what?
They be saying,
"Damn, you got some big feet."
Well...
As much as it pains me to admit it...
...Will's got the right idea.
This year, I want you
to pick out something handpicked...
...personal and from the heart.
Now, you go out there and shop.
Yeah, that's right.
Feel ashamed of your sorry selves.
You feel ashamed
of your sorry selves.
- Eloquent, sirs.
- Thank you, Geoffrey.
Makes me wanna do something
special for Mrs. Banks myself.
So you don't want me
to get the usual dozen roses?
No, that's good enough.
Hey, Will.
Hey, I'm surprised y'all can walk.
Your levity is inappropriate.
We've been at the free clinic
all morning...
...to find out
why my oven is as yet bunless.
Y'all haven't been baking long.
Hey, and I'm sure,
if you stick with that recipe...
...you'll get the ingredients mixed up...
How can you think about food
at a time like this?
I mean, we ain't
never gonna have a baby...
...because my little soldiers
ain't marching.
Bummer.
Jazz, didn't I tell you
to not be wearing them bikini drawers?
You told me not to wear them
in the streets.
- You ain't tell me not to wear them.
- All right, all right.
You know what?
It's probably just stress.
Yeah. I'm sure that's what it is, man.
I mean, y'all just got married, and
you're always running from the law.
And you know what?
Why don't you go to another
free clinic, get a second opinion.
We can't afford another free clinic.
Jazz, look.
I'm really sorry for you, man.
I mean, hey, at least y'all tried.
Never heard two people try harder.
Don't try to comfort me, Will.
I'm uncomfortable.
Hey, look, Jewel.
- I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do...
- As a matter of fact, there is.
Whatever it is, just let me know.
- You really mean that, Will?
- Name it.
I want your little soldiers.
What do you say? Can I have
your baby? I'd really appreciate it.
Jewel, come on.
You are my best friend's wife.
As much as that excites me,
I think I better pass.
I don't want your body, Will.
I want your little soldiers.
Do I look like the U. N?
Jewel, if Jazz ever found out
about this, it would kill him.
So you in?
You know about this?
Know about it? It was my idea.
What are y'all asking me to do?
Hey, look. How about I give y'all
something else, like a VCR?
You hear that, munchkin?
He's giving us a VCR too.
He's so full of love.
Let's hope so.
Come on, having a baby
is a big responsibility.
We're ready for it. Why, I even started
saving for little Junior's college fund.
Listen, I don't think I can do this.
Sure you can.
Will.
Remember that time
we went to go play ball...
...and your shoelace broke
and I gave you mine?
Same thing.
Jazz, man.
Don't you have some relatives
or something?
Why me?
I mean, you got a good heart.
And you got a lot of smarts...
...and you're tall,
and you got good teeth.
Of course, we'll be praying
he gets my ears.
We really want this baby, Will.
I mean, we love him already.
And we love you too.
And there's no one else we'd ask
to be a part of our family.
How about a toaster?
Kids, I don't know how to thank you.
Such thoughtful gifts.
Well, you deserve them, Mom.
And these roses...
...they are exquisite.
Thank you, honey.
You're welcome.
Well, you know,
it's the thought that counts.
Yes, so think about
sleeping on the couch for a while.
Mother, I wanted to buy you
the perfect gift.
Something that would show you
just how special you are.
But I couldn't find it,
so I made it myself.
You made something?
Hilary, you can't even make change.
Oh, yeah?
Well, you can't even make...
Oh, shut up.
Anyway, I put this together at work.
My tribute to Vivian Banks.
It's a celebration
of your greatest accomplishment.
Don't try to talk.
Let's all just share this moment.
May I help you?
Smith.
Will Smith.
I got appointment, you know,
for the drawing.
You're a little embarrassed,
aren't you?
Don't worry,
we're all professionals here.
Thanks a lot.
I appreciate that.
Gladys, another customer
for the happy booth.
Just have a seat
and think lovely thoughts.
Yeah.
First time, kid?
Well, no, actually, I was 11...
Oh, you mean, here?
Yeah, yeah.
- How about you?
- You kidding? I come here once a week.
Why?
Well, a lot of couples
wanna have babies and can't.
I like to think of myself
as nature's middleman.
Kind of like a Johnny Appleseed
without the apples, huh?
Once a week.
Mr. Considine?
I'm up.
- Good luck.
- Hey, hey, good luck.
Here you are, my brother,
I brought you a card.
Hey, thanks, Jazz.
"Heard you had a stroke"?
It was the closest we could find.
You know, for some reason,
Hallmark has overlooked this occasion.
Jazz.
I gotta be honest, man.
I'm just kind of nervous about this.
You want me to go in with you?
Look, Jazz, come on. I mean...
What are you gonna tell people?
I'm gonna tell them it's my kid.
Will, this is between us.
No one must know
of my secret shame.
The oath.
And to show you how grateful we are,
we're taking you out tonight.
You know, in honor of Mother's Day.
Thanks a lot, Jazz.
I could just kiss you.
You know, that's not exactly
the image I need right now.
Jazz Junior.
So join us in bidding goodbye
to Jazz Junior...
... the greatest player
in the history of the NBA.
That boy down there
has got good genes.
That boy got good genes.
You can't play no ball like that
without having no good genes.
That my seat. Move over.
And now, stepping up to the mike...
... the one, the only, Jazz Junior.
I just wanna say...
...that I owe it all to one man.
My father.
Stand up, Dad, take a bow.
I'm sorry, Will,
but you don't belong here.
Ready, Mr. Smith?
No, I'm not.
I don't belong here.
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
Y'all at least could have waited
until I got here before you ate.
Oh, we didn't order.
This was here when we sat down.
They're cheap tippers too.
Less than 15 percent.
- Will, I got some big news.
- Jewel, Jewel, listen.
Look, I got something
I need to tell y'all.
- But we...
- Jazzy, listen.
Now, this whole having-a-kid thing,
I'm telling you, it's overrated, man.
Babies.
I mean, they all bald
and stanked up and nasty...
- Will, I'm pregnant.
- Jewel.
I was sitting up in the clinic...
I'm sorry, did you say something?
We're gonna have a baby,
Jazzy and me.
How the hell did that happen?
Brother, I think
me and you should talk.
No, I mean, one of your little soldiers
established a beachhead?
You're gonna be a daddy?
Hey, congratulations, man.
Hey, listen, they having a kid
and I ain't had nothing to do with it.
- Oh. Man.
- Thanks, Will, for everything.
Hey.
Happy Mother's Day, Jewel.
Thanks, Will.
Come here, man, come here.
I know we invited you to dinner,
but would you mind paying for it?
I saw my picture
over the cash register.
Come on, Jazzy, let's hit the salad bar.
I brought my big purse.
I know you were looking forward
to being a part of this.
- I hope you're not too disappointed.
- Oh, that.
You know what they say.
"Easy come, easy go."
I guess the world will have to wait
a little for Will Smith, Jr.
He'll come along someday.
Hey! Happy Mother's Day, brother.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man.
Good evening, sir, would you like
to hear tonight's specials?
No, you... No, thanks, man.
You know what?
You know what?
I just lost my damn appetite.
How will your mother feel when she finds
out you didn't do your own shopping?
I have no...
How will your mother feel when she finds
out you didn't do your own shopping?
Oh, I have no...
Same place. We're rolling.
Space, the final frontier.