The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 2, Episode 21 - Vying for Attention - full transcript

♪ Crisco inferno ♪

♪ Burn baby burn ♪

♪ Fry Geoffrey ♪

♪ Fry Geoffrey fry Geoffrey ♪

Having breakfast
with Rico Suave?

No, mom and Robert
sent me this

from the time
they was in Mexico.

That looks just like the hat
you gave me for my birthday.

Oh, don't worry, G,
I'll have it back

in your room in an hour, man.

Geoffrey, would you put
these
in a vase for me, please?



(Geoffrey)
'Yes, madam.'

I got all of Vy's
favorite things.

Pineapple juice, brownies..

How did this"Playboy"
get in here?

Uh, I bought it.
It's a special legal
edition.

The centerfold wants to be
a supreme-court justice.

I had the hardest time
deciding what to wear

to meet Aunt Vy's
new boyfriend.

I've never known anyone
in construction

except for that guy
in the"Village People."

Yeah, well, his daughter
can sleep in my room

but if she touches my stuff

I'm stuffing her in
the clothes hamper.

What? It's not like
Hilary never did it.



Well, I am so excited.

This is the first time
Vy's brought anybody home

to meet the family.

Could be serious.

Oh, no, no, no.
Not with my mom.

All she's trying
to do is get to

her retirement plan
and her rocking chair.

Is that why she's
moon-walking up the
driveway?

- Diva!
- 'Diva!'

[laughing]

Look at you, baby!

Hey, your complexion
has cleared up.

Yeah, mom.

So did yours.

Hey, you must be Robert.

You're funny.
You must be Carlton.

Well, no. You see..

...actually, Carlton is the
funny-looking one over
there.

See, I'm Will, but you can
just call me Your Majesty.

I may be small,
but I'm not ignorant.

Everyone, this is Robert's
daughter Claudia.

(Vivian)
'Hi, sweetheart.'

- Hi, Claudia. I'm Hilary.
- Hilary.

Oh, my God, isn't she
the cutest little thing

you've ever seen?

Not really.

And I would like
for you to meet..

...Robert.

And isn't he the biggest hunk
you've ever seen?

Not really.

♪ Now this is a story
all about how ♪

♪ My life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out, maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

Where's Vy?
Breakfast is getting cold.

Knowing Vy, she's upstairs
freshening up.

Oh, no, no. Not my mom.

First thing she does
when she gets anywhere

is kick off her shoes

roll her hair up into
one of them twist joints

and put on one of my
big old sweat suits.

Sorry, everybody. I just had
to freshen up a little bit.

You like my new pearls,
Will?

Yeah, but they'd
probably look better

with one of my
big old sweat suits.

You can borrow them
anytime, baby.

Wait, mom. Hold it.

I put your favorite breakfast
together for you.

There's waffles with
boysenberry syrup

eggs, extra-runny
and-and sausage extra-burnt.

Thank you, baby, but I'm eating
lighter these days.

Hey, you want half my melon?

Oh, baby, you know me
like the back of your hand.

'Oh, but I need some juice.'

Anybody else want anything
while I'm up?

As long as I'm around,
you're not lifting a finger.

- May I?
- 'Oh, there.'

Philip..

I feel a little thirsty, too.

Robert, do you mind
getting Vivian something

to drink while
you're over there?

And toss me a puddin' pop.

The refrigerator doesn't open
right. You mind if I look at it?

Be my guest,
but the repairman said

we had to order
new door hinges.

Yo, hold up, Robert!
I can take care of that.

Hey, G, I'm gonna need a
screwdriver, a wrench, T-square

and about a week off
from school.

All done.

Oh, sure.

It's just going to
break again in 20 years.

Robert can fix anything.

He's in construction.
Tell 'em, baby.

I'm in construction.

But keep your fingers
crossed.

He's working on this big
deal
with the government

and he's expecting to hear
from them any day.

If the deal goes through,
he'll be his own boss.

Well, yo, I'm working
on a big deal.

Oh, you know, down at
the restaurant where I work

I'm about to be promoted
to vice president

in charge of keeping
bums out of the entry way.

So Robert, you know
how to fix a broken dish?

Sure. You got
any super glue?

I was talking about
our satellite dish.

So am I.

Sweetie, why don't you show
Claudia our backyard?

Well, why?

It's hot, it's smoggy

and plus I won't be able
to hear nothing y'all saying.

That's the point,
big guy. Come on.

So, did he
pop the question?

Ashley, honey,
where are your manners?

I'm sorry.

Did he pop the question, please?

Not yet, but he's planning
on building this dream house

and he did mention
"His and Her" sinks.

Let the maids worry
about the sinks.

What does he drive?

The important question is
does his mother like you.

- She's dead.
- Girlfriend, you in.

Oh!

I like your bracelet.

I bet it would look very
cute
on my little wrist.

Oh, sorry. A friend
gave this to me.

That's cool.

I'm not down with OPP anyway.

You want to see
some pictures?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Whoa. That's you and my mom.

My dad took it
in the backyard.

We were having
a barbecue.

Claudia, now-now,
after this barbecue

you know, you guys had the junk
and stuff in your teeth

um...did my mom have to go home
to use a toothbrush

or did she already
have one there?

She used dental floss.

Okay, uh...

is my mom over your house
more during

"Good morning America"
or"Arsenio?"

Or is she
there for"Arsenio"

and then still there
for "Good morning America?"

Are you trying
to trick me to find out

how serious they are?

So, what you think,
they're pretty serious?

Will, I know how you feel.

Believe me, I've been there.
Let's face it.

Those two kids are nuts
about each other.

My brother, it's time you
wake up and smell the play-doh.

[scatting]

Hey, baby.

Oh, mom, you half naked.

Come on, you don't want
Robert to get the wrong idea.

You damn straight,
you don't think I'm doing these

butt busters for my health?

Okay, that's it, young lady.
You go to your room..

...in Philly.

Boy, hush up and help me
move this table.

[scatting]

Can we get started?

I feel a little bloated.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up, mom.
How you going to play me?

Why you ain't hook me up
with one of them pink jumpies?

I couldn't find one
with a fly.

Man, Jane Fonda
got a butt like Arsenio.

Oh, I could do that
if I had the right outfit.

Uh..

Maybe not.

I'd like to have kids one day.

Yo, man, what's up?

Oh, man, you caught me.
I was trying to surprise you.

Well, when you say "Surprise"
you don't mean like

I'm driving down a big hill,
then all of a sudden

"Surprise" my brakes don't work?

You got the same sense of humor
as your mom. You know that?

Now, don't be trying to distract
me. What you doing to my ride?

Your mom and I
borrowed the car.

I saw you needed a water
pump,
so I picked one up.

That's pretty decent
of you, man. You need some help?

Nope. All done.
She'll purr like a kitten.

My grandpa taught me
how to fix cars.

That's fascinating.
Where did you meet my mom?

She picked me up in a bar.

Hey, man!

It was an oyster bar.

You see, I was,
I was a little shy

so, luckily, she came up
and she talked to me.

So, what she talk about?

You.

Is it true you took your diaper
off and ran around Sears naked?

You're damn right! And I'd do it
again if I had to.

Robert, Robert! it's Mr. Collins
from the department of housing.

I think this is the call, baby!

Hello?

Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Right. Uh-huh.

He does have
a certain gift for gab.

Oh, okay.

Well, thank you very much.

I got the job!

So, what kind of marble
do you want for those

"His and Her" sinks?

[instrumental
"Here Comes The Bride"]

Congratulations, Robert.

Landing a government
contract is a hell of a deal.

I'd like to impart some words
that I've always lived by

mo' money, mo' money, mo' money.

That's beautiful, dad.

I have to admit
success is sweet.

But having three beautiful
women to share it with

makes it even sweeter.

Especially when
they're triplets.

I'll get the munchies.

Hey, uh,
congratulations, Robert.

Hey, it's nice to hear
you're going to have money now.

Uh, guess them old
girlfriends
are going to be coming

out of the woodworks, huh.

Actually, your mother's
the only woman

I've dated since my divorce.

Oh, that is so sweet,
isn't that, Philip?

- 'Philip?'
- Huh?

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

I-I was looking
for some beer nuts.

Phil, I feel pretty lucky.

How about that
tennis game you promised me?

You got it.

Uncle Phil,
no jumping over the net.

This is such
a big night for Robert.

Oh, I'm gonna make him
a special dinner.

Honey, save the rice. You'll be
needing it for the wedding.

What? Whoa, come on.

M-mom.

Now, look, I didn't
want to bring this up

but I was standing
behind Robert in the mirror.

And dude ain't
got no reflection.

Stop fooling around.

I really want to fix Robert
something special.

What should I make?

How about reservations?

Hey, what about
Will's favorite dish?

It's not every day
he gets to have his mom

prepare him
a home-cooked meal.

You know, Carlton,
you're right.

So what would my son
like for dinner?

Well, I feel like
something exotic.

- Mmm.
- Okay.

How about Lebanese?

You think Robert will
mind swinging by Beirut?

I'm sorry, Geoffrey.
You better reheat the asparagus.

Will's still not here.

So how's the chicken
holding up?

I'm afraid it's drier
than happy hour

at the Betty Ford Center,
madam.

I can't believe Will
is acting like this.

Did I do something?

Maybe it was a mistake bringing
Robert and Claudia here.

Vy, honey,
don't be so hard on yourself.

Now, I'm sure
there's a good reason

and it has nothing to do
with you and Robert.

Mom, we're starved.

And Claudia's being selfish
with her Pez.

Carlton, you just have
to know how to ask.

Now can I have
Barbie's head back?

Listen, Will's not
going to show up.

Why don't you kids
go ahead on and eat?

- Good.
- Good.

The Willster must be
feeling pretty low

to pull a stunt
like this.

I haven't seen him
this upset

since someone told him
he looked like me.

He's just hard-headed.

I don't know where
he gets it from.

I do.
Gets it from you.

I'm the understanding sister.
Helen is the loud one.

Janice is the flighty one,
and you are the hard-headed one.

I thought I was the sweet one.

You said you were
the sweet one.

When we tried to tell you
you weren't

you wouldn't listen because
you're too hard-headed.

As much as I enjoy these

wonderful walks down
memory lane, I'm pooped.

I'm going to bed.

Look, why don't we try to enjoy
what's left of dinner?

Wait a minute, how can you eat
at a time like this?

Now, Vivian, I can't get
this out of my mind.

How can you say
I am hard-headed?

Gee, Vy, I don't know where
I could have gotten that idea.

Will, thank God I found you.

Carlton, how did you know
I was down here?

Uh, did my mom send you
down here to get me?

- No.
- Oh.

I snuck out. I was
worried about you.

As you can see, I'm fine.

Will, you don't have to hide

behind that macho
exterior with me.

I see your frightened
inner child

and I'm here to say
come out and play.

You been watching
too much"Oprah,"man.

You can never watch
too much "Oprah."

If it wasn't for her show,
I'd still be in denial

about my drinking.

Will, look, I know how
you feel about Robert.

But you're not the only one
who gets jealous.

I mean, how do you think
I felt when you moved in?

What? You was jealous of me?

Sure. You're tall, good at
basketball, the babes love you.

You know, of course,
none of that will help you

in the corporate world but..

...for the next year or so,
you're sitting pretty.

You know, it was real nice
of you to come down here, man.

You ain't seeing my girlfriend
or nothing, are you?

Will, I just want you to know

if your mom abandons you
and gets married

you'll always have me.

Because..

...well...you're like the
brother I've always wanted.

Thanks a lot, Carlton.

For not hugging you, right?

Well, no, you know, for
saying
that I'm like the brother

that you always wanted.

And for not
hugging me, man.

Robert, I'm sorry,
this hasn't turned out to be

much of a celebration.

Hey, Vy, I'm the one that should
apologize. It's all my fault.

I was so eager for Will to
like me, I came on too strong.

Uh, so how was dinner?
Any leftovers?

Where the hell
have you been?

Boy, time flies when you're
running up to your bedroom.

I'm right behind you,
Carlton.

Hey, I'm surprised you
even noticed I was gone

you know, what,
with your man here and all.

Don't you use that tone
of walk with me.

Now you sit your butt down
before I sit it down for you.

Well, alright,
but I'm picking my own
chair.

Boy, sit down!

What a coincidence. That's
the one I was going to pick.

William, you have ruined
what was supposed to be

a very special evening.

Well, you ruined
what was supposed to be

a very special visit.

It ain't like I get to
see you all the time.

Why do you have
to bring them anyway?

I brought them because
they're important to me

and I wanted them to meet

the most important
person in my life.

Ma, did you ever think
about what I wanted?

I mean, Robert's my man.
Claudia's so adorable.

You went off and started
a whole new family without
me.

Baby...don't you
know there is

no family without you?

'Nobody can take your place.
I'm your mother.'

But I'm human, honey.
I have needs, too.

Do you expect me
to be alone forever?

Yeah.

I mean, you've done good
this far.

Well, I think you're
being very immature.

I'm not.

You're the only parent I got

and I don't
want to share you.

Well, I'm sorry, baby.

That is not your decision.

Will, listen,
I am not with Robert

because he makes you feel bad.

I'm with him because
he makes me feel good.

You're my son, baby.
I love you.

I care about you, but I have got
to live my own life.

Now you can ruin what's
left of this trip

or you can make it work.

It's up to you.

But that's all
that's up to you.

- Hi, Will.
- Hey, Claudia.

You know, Will,
there are a lot of
advantages

to our parents getting together.

The guilt alone will
get us both ponies.

Well, no, I'm not into using
guilt for my personal gain.

Temper tantrums,
that's where the money is.

You slay me, Will.

You know, Will. You would
make a great brother.

I'm not so bad, either.

When you take me
to the parks with you

I can attract more babes
than a puppy.

What time is your flight?

Oh, I hate saying
goodbye to you, Vy.

It's the only time I cry.

Are you kidding, child? You cry
more than Richard Simmons.

Thanks for the hospitality.

Our pleasure. Just be sure
you take care of Vy.

Uh, Robert,
hold up, man.

Um..

I just wanted to a-apologize

for-for messing up
your celebration.

Oh, next time
you come out, dinner on me?

I appreciate it, man.

I'll be right there.

I guess this is goodbye.

I guess it is.

He's alright.

Well, you're "Alright," too.

In fact, you are the greatest
son a mom ever had.

I'm going to miss you, Claudia.

I'm going to miss you, too.

Thanks for letting me
polish your shoes

hang up your clothes,
and vacuum your room.

It was really fun
playing Geoffrey.

What? It's not like
Hilary never did it.

- Come on, Claudia.
- Bye, Will.

Oh, wait. Hold up, Claudia.

I think you're
forgetting something.

But your friend
gave it to you.

Yeah, but you're
a better friend.

And, besides, you can spy
on my mom for me.

I'd like to impart some words
that I've always lived by..

mo' money. Mo' money..

I'd like to impart some words
that I've always lived by..

[laughing]

(Philip)
You know...I'm trying
to be a professional here.