The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 2, Episode 1 - Did the Earth Move for You? - full transcript

Yes. Yes, I love you too, mom.

Yes, mommy. Okay.

Mom! No, I'm not gonna get
my nose pierced.

Yes, mom, I'm very happy
with the holes that God gave me.

Mom am I eating
a balanced diet?

I'd say so.

Mom, no, I'm not making
any extra work for Geoffrey.

He hardly even knows I'm here.

Mom, I told you this morning

Carlton and I are
getting along great.

Mom, I keep.. Yo, everything
is Mop & Glo, mom.



They love me here.

[tires screeching in distance]

[crashing]

(Philip)
'Will!'

Excuse me, mom,
me and Uncle Phil

are about to go for a run.

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life
got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia,
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪



♪ Chillin' out, maxin'
relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought
nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled
to the cabbie ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

Another minute, madam, and
perhaps we'll have a
diamond.

I don't know why Philip insisted
on putting in

all these new gadgets.

To heat something up,
I have to be Lt. Uhura

of the Starship Enterprise.

Mom, I can't use the phone.

We're all supposed to share it

but Will talks to Kathleen
morning, noon and night.

Now, I've been putting up
with it for weeks

and excuse my strong
language

but I am not a happy camper.

Will's in love, baby.
I think it's sweet.

No, no, no, baby.
No, I wuv you more. Yes.

No, no, no, no,
I wuv you more!

Alright, you wuv me more.

Isn't that romantic?
He's quoting Elmer Fudd.

Hold on, Kathleen.

Click on the other line.

Hi! It's me!

No, no, no, I miss you more.
No! I miss you more.

Alright, you miss me more.
Oh, you gotta go?

I'm gonna miss you.

No, no,
I'm gonna miss you more!

Nice trick by Aunt Viv.

Dad got us all tickets
to the People's Choice Awards.

Thanks for butting in, Hilary.
Anyway, the best part is--

We get to sit with
Arnold Schwarzenegger

and Maria Shriver.

Hilary, you promised
I could tell.

I know. I lied.

I am so excited!

Everyone from the A list is
gonna be there, which means

none of my friends are gonna be
there, which means

they are all going to corrode
with envy and hate my guts.

I love it!

I'm going to meet
Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Thank you, sir.
Thank you!

Hold on, Geoffrey.

♪ When the shark bites ♪

♪ I'm going to meet
Arnold Schwarzenegger ♪

♪ I'm having dinner
with the Terminator ♪

♪ Uh, next Friday night
when the shark-- ♪

Geoffrey, Geoffrey..

You're not having dinner
with the Terminator.

- I didn't get you a ticket.
- Ooh, that's ugly.

Philip, how could you be
so insensitive?

Geoffrey is a part of
this family.

- Major faux pas, dad.
- Poor Geoffrey.

Like his life isn't
sad enough already.

Uh, look, Geoffrey, I sincerely
apologize for my oversight

but since this
means so much to you

and you are
a part of the family

I'm sure someone here
will be glad to give up

their ticket for you.

- Bye-bye.
- I have to call Toni.

Takeout food again?

Well, we were having
leg of lamb

but I accidentally
put the oven on self-cleaning

and now the door won't open.

Takeout again?

No, Hilary, I bought a new set
of Styrofoam.

Gosh, mom, who put the rusty
nails in your granola?

Look, all this hi-tech
has got me a little on edge.

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

What, takeout food again?

What happened
to the leg of lamb?

It's being cleaned!
Is that a problem?

Geoffrey, we're ready
to serve dinner!

Takeout again?

My baby's observant.

- Isn't she observant?
- Not that observant.

Kathleen, your blouse
is unbuttoned.

- Ah, let me.
- Let her.

Better idea.

That food smells terrible.

I feel like I'm
sitting in coach.

Oh, thank you for inviting me
to the People's Choice Awards.

Think nothing of it,
it was no big deal.

Oh, it was more than a big deal,
Uncle Phil

it was a humongous deal!

I know, and we get to sit
with all the stars!

People would kill
to get those tickets.

Pardon me while I
go get a knife.

- Philip!
- I'll get him a ticket.

Everyone, look what Will
did.

He cut my steak
in the shape of a heart.

Isn't he artistic?

Uh, actually,
that was a puppy.

Oh, whatever it is, it's
beautiful. I'm gonna save
it.

And every time I look at it,
I'm gonna think of my baby.

Uh, excuse me.

This is the dinner table,
not the back seat of a
Chevy.

I want to talk to you two
in the other room. Now.

Now, it's time we discussed
this relationship.

Vivian, discuss it.

Um, well, what Philip is
trying to say is--

Don't come around here
with no babies.

Hold it, hold it.
Is that what this is all about?

Look, Uncle Phil, Aunt Viv,
I think you guys can relax.

You don't have to worry about us
coming around here

with no babies.

I mean, we don't even
know no babies.

Look, kids, now, we know you
care about each other

but you have only been
dating a short time.

Now the kind of thing you're
talking about takes commitment.

You know, Aunt Viv,
you're absolutely right.

Commitment is what
this is all about.

And as a token of my commitment

I got Kathleen this ring.

- Oh, Will!
- Oh, no.

Oh, God!

Geoffrey, where have you been?

I've been looking
all over for you.

Mrs. Banks sent me on some
errands. That is my job.

I am but a lowly servant.

Geoffrey, it took some doing

but I managed to get
you a ticket.

Thank you, sir.
I am most grateful.

Now I won't have to
slash your tires.

I'm sitting next to Arnold.

No, I'm sitting
next to Arnold.

I don't want my tires
slashed.

Geoffrey's sitting
next to Arnold.

This dress makes me
want to puke.

You can't even tell
I have a figure.

You're 13 years old. You're not
allowed to have a figure.

- You look better.
- No, no, baby, you look better.

- No, you look better.
- Alright, I look better.

Except for that rock.

Whoo, man!

If you value your vision,
you won't look

directly into the rock.

I love it, Will, thank you.

Dad?

- I'm ready.
- Finally!

What took you so long?

Oh, I just spent an hour
chasing my outfit

on the new rotating
dress rack.

Why didn't you set
the variable speed adjuster?

Philip, these gadgets are
making my life miserable.

Baby, you're the one
that's wanted to redecorate.

Well, yeah, I wanted to keep up
with the Joneses, honey

not the "Jetsons!"

Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Look, before y'all split
each other's wigs

can we have
our tickets, please?

- Oh, sure.
- You lost them, didn't you?

No, I did not lose them, thank
you very much.

I know exactly where they are.

They're in my desk,
in my office..

...downtown.

No problem. We'll just hop
on my dress rack and swing by.

Geoffrey, Mrs. Banks and I are
going to swing by my office.

Will's going to ride
with Kathleen

and you can drive the kids,
so we'll meet you at the awards.

Very good, sir.

Boy, this is a rare treat.

I get to cruise
Beverly Hills in a Volvo.

Hold up, baby.
I want to go get my lucky mitt.

I want Darryl Strawberry
to sign it.

What's your lucky mitt?

It's sort of like
my lucky drawers

except I wear it on my hand.

[door creaking]

Man, this door is like
straight out of "Blacula."

It's like the '70s
crawled up in here and died.

Yeah, J. J. Walker's lips are
probably around here somewhere.

This is all my stuff I brought
from Philly, you know.

When I get homesick
I come down here.

It makes me feel better.

Where's my mitt at?

Aah! Here it is.

My mom gave me this.
She taught me how to play.

That's why
I took up basketball.

Oh, hold on.

Yo, Teddy! Jam.

Man, I used to love
this old thing.

- He's so cute!
- But I'm cuter.

Beat it, Ted.

See? I told you I knew
where they were.

- Fine, Philip, let's go.
- Okay.

Vivian? Did you see--

Oh, my God. Philip?

Geoffrey!
Take it easy on the curves!

It's not me, Master Carlton,
it's the road.

I thinks it's an..

Earthquake!

Will? It's over, Will,
we're alright.

Umm-hmm, um-hmm.
The ground moved, alright?

The ground.
The ground moved, alright?

The ground moved!

Baby, it was just
a little earthquake.

Baby, no, listen, no.
The ground moved, okay?

The ground.
The ground moved.

Nobody was bothering it,
it just moved, alright?

But it's over now,
and we're fine.

I am not fine, alright?

I'm a grown man, sitting under a
table hugging a teddy bear.

- I am not fine.
- Oh, poor baby.

I'm really, really not fine.

I'm really, really,
really not fine.

Come on, let's get up
and find out what's going on.

Hold it, baby. I'm really-really
not fine, though.

Will, I think
the door's stuck.

Oh, no, no.
No, dear, you must be crazy.

I won't let this door be stuck.

Okay, I can't breathe.

Calm down. Look, someone's
got
to come home sometime.

Baby, we'll only be down
here
a couple of hours.

Okay. But what if you wrong?
Okay?

What if they don't come home
for, like, ten years?

We'd just be like two
real, real fly skeletons.

Oh, man.
I may never see my mom again.

I may never see Zimbabwe.

Never dunk on Michael Jordan.

I may never see Rudy
get married on "The Cosbys."

Daddy, get us off
this freeway!

(Philip)
'Don't panic, Hilary.'

Yeah, I don't want to
have to slap you.

Try it and you'll be
singing soprano.

(Philip)
'Calm down.'

'I'm sure traffic will be
moving any minute.'

'It was just a small tremor.'

(Vivian)
'Any word on Will and Kathleen?'

They're probably
stuck in traffic as well.

This freeway's backed up
for miles!

(Philip)
'Okay. Okay, kids?'

'We're gonna stay at my office
until the power comes back on.'

'You behave yourselves.
And Geoffrey?'

- Sir?
- 'Hang in there.'

Here we go, babe.

A spot for me

and a spot for you.

Whoa, whoa, Kathleen, hold up.
That's my spot.

Your spot's over here.

But your spot is more
comfortable.

I know.
That's why it's my spot.

- Please?
- Alright, alright.

How can I resist
those big green eyes?

Wait, baby, what happened
to your big green eyes?

I put them in my
little black purse.

Oh! You wear contacts!

Is that okay?

Yeah.

I mean, look, I love you
for what's on the inside.

And I love you because
you're so wonderful.

Will, be careful!
That's real hair!

Then why isn't it
growing out your scalp?

I just wanted to look extra
special for you tonight.

You do, baby.
You always do.

I mean, look,
not that it matters.

I mean, well,
it does, but..

Hey, look, I'm sorry
I threw your hair.

I forgive you.

Now, where were we?

Beat it, baby!

- Will!
- It's just an aftershock!

"Aftershock?" Baby, look,
I'm from Philly.

Aftershock is not
in my vocabulary.

Wind, rain, cheese steak,
these are things I know.

It's nothing. Now would you
come back over here?

- Umm-umm.
- Why not?

Because every time I come near
you, the ground starts moving.

I'm just trying
to get back to Philly

where the ground stays still
and the people move.

♪ A-dab-a-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

Wilma!

So what do you
want to sing?

How about
"Go Away Little Girl?"

Why don't we listen
to the radio?

With all due respect, Geoffrey,
I'll pick the station.

Let me do it.

I'm not listening to that.

Well, I'm not listening
to that.

- Cut it out, you guys!
- You cut it out!

- Don't talk to me like that!
- I will talk to you--

Geoffrey, what did you
do that for?

It was either the knob
or one of you.

Look what I found in the old
man's office.

Philip, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself

going through
your partner's things.

What brand is it?

You know
this is the first time

we have been
alone together in weeks.

Try months.

And..

you look ravishing
by candlelight.

I know!

Umm, and you smell

as appetizing
as you look.

Philip, are you trying
to put the moves on me?

- Yes. Is it working?
- Yes.

Ooh..
Want a belly rub?

You know

this earthquake could have been
the big one.

We shouldn't argue about things
that just don't matter.

And I'm sorry I gave you such a
hard time about the gadgets.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I get carried away

with those things at times,
baby. I'll cut back.

What is that?

It's my automatic
pulse monitor.

It likes you.

Well, honey, I hope it has
a warranty.

♪ I'm stuck in a basement ♪

♪ Sittin' on a tricycle ♪

♪ Girl gettin' on my nerves ♪

♪ Goin' out of my mind ♪

♪ I thought she was fine ♪

♪ Don't know if her body
is hers ♪♪

I'm hungry. Don't you have
any more breath mints?

No, you ate them all
without offering me one.

You can't have
my toothpick, either.

Did I ask you?

Look, baby, why don't you just
look in the freezer

and see if there's
something in there?

- Would you look?
- Why don't you look?

I thought you liked
doing things for me.

Yes, I did, until you ate
all my breath mints.

Forget it. I don't need you
to do anything for me.

Could you open this?

Thought you ain't need me
to do nothing for you.

Just open it.

- What's the magic word?
- Now!

Eh..
Guess again.

Here, look,
I can't open this thing.

I thought you supposed
to be the big man.

Look, you the one that's hungry.
Use your fingernails.

Look, look. Here. Here. Here.
Here. Here.

Knock yourself out.

Okay, look, Kathleen,
in the last three hours

you took out your eyeballs,
your fingernails

your eyelids, and your hair.

Now what else on your body
can I get at the mall?

- You are so rude!
- Me?

I've been bending over backwards
trying to make you happy.

You the one that
started tripping

ate all my breath mints.

If you mention those breath
mints one more time

I'm gonna scream!

Breath mints.

Breath mints.

Breath mints.

Breath mints, breath mints!

Wow! Everything looks
okay here to me.

Yeah.

Well, it's too bad those lights

came back on down at the office.

Baby, we can turn them
off here.

Ooh..

[female screaming]

- What was that?
- Sounded like a scream.

(Will)
'Yeah, your mom sucks
breath mints, too!'

And I never really thought
your ears were cute

I just thought they were
big.

Yeah, well, a lot of women
seem to find them

extremely attractive.

Oh, yeah, like who?
Dumbo's mother?

Well, I'm sorry, but I couldn't
find any Lee Press-On Ears.

You know, Will, I am so glad
we got stuck down here together.

It gave me a chance
to see who you really are.

You know, it gave me a chance
to see who you really are, too.

And most of you is in a pile
over there on the floor!

Yeah, right next to your
stupid teddy bear.

Hey, hey, don't be
dissing my bear!

Well, don't be
dissing my hair.

You know what? Let's kill all
this noise, sweetheart.

Maybe we don't know each other
as well as we thought.

Listen to me, I'm starting to
sound like my Uncle Phil.

Next thing I know, I'm going to
wake up bald and hungry.

Yeah, we have been moving
a little fast.

I guess I should
give this back.

Now come on, baby.
No, that's cool, keep that.

Well, it probably cost you
a lot of money.

No, it didn't.

(Vivian)
'Will! Kathleen?
Are you down there?'

Aunt Viv, the door is stuck!

Oh, you poor babies! You've been
trapped down here all this time.

Will, where is Kathleen?

It's me, Mrs. Banks.

I probably should go
call my parents.

- Bye, Will.
- Bye, babe.

Well, thank God nothing
happened to you.

Nothing did happen, right?

Well, to be honest,
something did happen.

Me and Kathleen decided
we just gonna chill out

for a little bit.

Y'all were right.

Now I'm gonna call my mom.
She's probably worried about me.

Philip, did you hear that?

He said we were right.

Yeah.

All it took
was an earthquake.

You think something hit him
on the head?

[theme music]