The Freak Brothers (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript
After learning that the mystical Swami Bhajan holds the secret to the "ultimate high," Franklin, Phineas, Freddy, and Kitty go to Woodstock to find him.
Theme music playing...
♪ Brother, hmm, hmm
♪ Three brothers puffin'
♪ And we just woke up in Year 2020 ♪
♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪
♪ Roll another J And get high ♪
♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪
♪ Me and my brothers Getting fried ♪
♪ The Freak Brothers
*THE FREAK BROTHERS*
Episode Title: "Pilot"
Aired on: November 14, 2021.
♪ Peace and love
♪ Got to get together ♪
♪ With peace and love.
♪ Stop fighting one another
- ♪ Give it to me now ♪
- ♪ Peace and love ♪
♪ Got to get together
♪ With peace and love ♪
- ♪ Stop fighting one another ♪
- ♪ Ow... ♪
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Move, man!
One hairy, maladjusted
Freak comin' through!
♪ It's time to change ♪
♪ Hey, hey... ♪
I won this hat off a man in a poker game
just outside of Abilene, Texas.
Do you have any pot?
If you ladies would kindly
check your tube tops.
When did you do that?
When we were making love, darlings.
Allow me to introduce myself,
Freewheelin' Franklin Freek.
Name's Bernie Sanders.
Outreach Coordinator for
the American Socialist Party.
I also brought the sandwich.
Fat Freddy Freekowtski.
I'm eatin' the sandwich.
Of course, in the spirit of socialism,
I brought it to share with everyone.
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Fat Freddy, gimme a piece of that sandwich.
Oh, Kitty, I fed you last week!
Don't play with me, fat man! I'm hungry!
Franklin, Freddy, we
gotta talk. Basement. Now.
"The ultimate high."
That's what it says, right here.
A guy named Swami Bhajan.
He makes a magical trippin' sauce.
You sprinkle it on your weed
and it, quote, "Blows your mind
out your eye holes," unquote!
What in the fried fuck is a Swami?
I don't know, some spiritual
kook who rides elephants.
- I didn't read the article.
- It don't matter.
It's the ultimate high! Where is he?
Some little music festival
in upstate New York.
Woodstock, 1969.
The apex of '60s counterculture.
Lotta music. Lotta drugs.
And a lotta fuckin'.
A whole lotta fucking.
There were once in a lifetime performances
from Janis Joplin, John Fogerty,
and Joe Cocker.
But we didn't see a damn second of it,
because Fat Freddy bought us bus tickets
to Woodstock, Georgia!
After two days of wandering around
a damn peach orchard,
they finally figured out
we were in the wrong damn state!
Ow!
Ow! Run! Run, guys!
Run for your fucking lives!
- Every man for himself!
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Don't you want to stop
and listen to Jimi Hendrix?
No! It's the last day of the festival.
I wanna find Swami what's-his-fucking name
and get the ultimate high.
-But Phineas-
-You shut up!
I'm still picking buckshot
out of my ass because of you.
Your Holiness, wait!
- Namaste, namaste!
- What is it, my children?
Your Honor, we stand
before you to request a bottle
of your sacred weed sauce.
And for what reason do you seek my elixir?
To get as high as humanly possible.
I'm so sorry.
My elixir is only for spiritual purposes.
Listen, Chicken Tikka.
You say spiritual, I say 30 dollars.
You could've had it for five.
What a dumb-ass. Pack up those pachyderms.
We're leaving!
And now, I must begin my humble pilgrimage
back to Calcutta.
♪ Put the boss in
♪ His Mercedes
♪ Tell the driver...
♪ Start the engine
We got the sauce!
Now we need to sprinkle it on a joint.
Who's got some weed?
We smoked it all before
we hit the Golden Gate Bridge.
No! You smoked it all, funky butt!
All Statue of Liberty no
never passin' motherfucker.
Oh, why don't we just buy
from one of these hippies here?
That is the end of Woodstock!
Please leave Woodstock now, ya dig?
Gentlemen! Back to San Francisco!
Mary Jane?
First name Mary, uh, last name Jane?
- Anyone seen her?
- Hey. Speaks Spanish...
- You Freaks lookin' to score?
- Hey, it's Ramon!
- Hey! Don't say my name!
- Hey, Ramon!
We'll take our usual bag
of schwag, thanks, Ramon!
What the...
All right. Deal.
Fuckin' Freaks...
Oh, shit! Los cerdos!
Ramon, what the hell are you doin'?
Stuffin' it up my ass.
I'm on probation!
Ooh, ice cream!
Who's a track star, in case.
Oh, shit! -
Ramon, the weed man!
I'll have a rocket pop and a Mr. Big Cone.
Freddy!
A man just got flattened
right in front of you
and you're talking about ice cream?
Did you say Mr. Big
Cone? That's a good cone.
Forget it, man.
We can just go buy from someone else.
With what? He took the last of our money!
And our weed's up his ass.
Hmm.
I got an idea. Play it cool, boys.
Y'all lemme know when y'all get that weed.
Mm. I ain't
diggin' in nobody's ass.
Let us give you a hand there, pal.
Oh, thanks. I... Hey. Who are you guys?
You remember us from the Christmas party.
I'm, um... I'm Bill.
I'm Jah-Quez.
And I'm Denise!
Oh, you remember Denise!
She was dancing up a
storm to "Jingle Bell Rock".
Shakin' her tits. -Huh. Huh. Huh.
Ooh. -
That's right!
Okay, grab his limbs.
Lift on three. -Sure thing.
And I'll lift from with
my hand up his asshole.
What? Why?
So she don't hurt her
back. Why do you think?
Wait a minute.
You're not Denise.
Denise is a brunette!
What's that in your hand?
Nothin'! -I need a cop over here!
Let's book! -
Ew! Gross! -
Get that weed in your butt!
This is it. The ultimate high!
I'll see you on the other side, boys.
♪ I like to dream ♪
♪ Yes, yes, right between
The sound machine ♪
♪ On a cloud of sound
I drift in the night ♪
♪ Any place it goes is right... ♪
♪ Goes far, flies near
♪ To the stars away from here ♪
♪ Well, you don't know
♪ What we can find
♪ Why don't you come with me Little girl ♪
♪ On a magic carpet ride
♪ Well, you don't know what ♪
♪ We can see
♪ Why don't you tell Your dreams to me ♪
♪ Fantasy will set you free ♪
Damn lightweights.
Y'all can't handle that shit.
♪ I got so high, yeah ♪
♪ I got so high... ♪
Gnarly.
♪ I can touch the sky... ♪
Bogus.
♪ I watch the clouds roll by... ♪
As if.
♪ 'Cause I got so high... ♪
OMG!
♪ I got so high... ♪
- Zaddy!
- ♪ I got so high ♪
I'm a lot less stressed out,
now that we're allowed to
smoke pot on our breaks.
Me too!
I can barely remember
those unarmed civilians I shot.
I'm up. -I'm up.
I'm up.
Damn, that's ripe!
One of y'all Freaks need to take a shower.
Ultimate
high, my giant b-hole.
All we did was fall asleep.
How long were we out?
If I had to guess, and
I am good at guessing,
probably an hour.
Ah! I could use a few more winks.
I'm gonna go up to bed.
I'm hungry.
I feel like I haven't eaten in 50 years.
I gotta take a shit.
Oh, okay! I guess I'll clean
up this nasty ass basement
by my damn self!
How ya doing?
How ya doing? -
How ya doing?
Please don't kill us!
We voted for bond measure
nine to increase shelters!
My God, Noah, at least
pretend to be a threat.
Uh, listen, folks, we
have an open door policy,
but the one thing we do not tolerate is
tripping squares. -Yeah.
And what'd you do to our pad?
You gotta ask before
messing with our house, lady!
Your house? All right. That's it.
I'm calling the police.
Harper, these guys
clearly aren't dangerous.
I don't believe I've had the pleasure.
Freewheelin' Franklin Freak.
Oh, I'm Gretchen, her
sister. Don't hold it against me.
- I live in the guest house.
- Okay, that's enough!
You get away from her! Move, move, come on.
Oh, somebody's jealous!
Um, sorry, that's a Sambonet
Conca Gio tablespoon.
It's not meant for frozen food.
- I don't mind.
- Noah, step back!
This bitch sprayin' bullshit!
I'll be damned if that crazy bitch get me.
Jesus, Harper! Gestapo much?
What's going on down there?
Your mother just pepper
sprayed three houseless people.
Really, Mom? I've got two AP tests
and a travel soccer game tomorrow!
What the fuck just happened?
Wait! Sorry about my sister.
You guys look like you
could use a little help.
And it so happens to
be what I do for a living.
Call me. -Ah. Gretchen Morris,
Housing Ad-vo-cah-tay,
uh, and Attorney at Law.
What a beautiful name.
If you need anything,
I represent the downtrodden.
Don't hesitate to call.
And you call me if you need anything,
you know, like if you wanna cuddle
or, you know, just, uh, get after it.
What the hell is going on?
Did we just get thrown
out of our own house?
That ain't our house.
Look at, it's, uh... nice.
It's not just our house.
Everything seems different.
What makes you say that?
Excuse me.
Why aren't out with your hairy,
maladjusted compatriots? -
They ain't got food. You do.
Too whit, you seem to be
inadvertently eating from my bowl.
- All yours, chief.
- It's pronounced Chomsky.
It feels like San Francisco.
But it don't feel like San Francisco.
There's nobody driving that
car! I'm freaking out here!
Excuse me, lady? Where are we?
Ma'am? Ma'am? Can you help us?
Cardi B. OMG.
LOL. -
What? -LOL.
LOL.
What the fuck are you talking about? Hello?
What are those glowy
rectangles they're staring at?
Are they Pop-Tarts? -God, dammit, Freddy.
You think everything's a Pop-Tart!
- That's why you ate my wallet!
- Knock it off, you two.
I know what's going on.
There's been a machine take over.
Those glowy little boxes
have wiped their minds clean.
You're right! I saw this
on the Twilight Zone.
Robot! Play it cool, fellas.
Hello, gentlemen. Are
you in need of assistance?
W... Why do you say that, robot sir?
You seem a little disoriented.
No, no, no! No cause for alarm.
We're... We're very orientated.
- Aren't... Aren't we, fellas?
- Yeah, we are Orientals.
We're on our way to Chinatown right now.
Yeah! Chinatown.
LOL, OMG, LOL! -OMG, LOL.
Oh, LOL to you, good sir. -Oh. OMG, LOL.
That was a close one.
- We gotta find somewhere safe.
- I can keep you safe.
Safeguard your assets.
I'm the harbor in a storm.
- You can keep us safe?
- Fuck yeah! I'm the man.
He's a man! Not a machine!
Here's the bottom line, Jacko.
All you gotta do is stick with me.
You heard him, Jackos.
We're stickin' with him.
He's obviously part of the resistance.
Hey. Shh. Get down. Get down.
- What the hell's going on?
- Shh. He's coming.
- Who's coming?
- The killer!
A killer? You mean a machine?
Yeah, he's a machine. Took
down 30 million last year.
Thirty million dead.
I saw this coming years ago.
We meet our doom in the Age of the Machine.
Playing "Paging the Machine."
Oh, shit! The machines found us!
It's an ambush! -We shall not go quietly!
Make a stand, boys. Kick
'em in their motherboards!
Every machine dies! -
Die, robot, die!
Come on, machine! Want some of this?
Whoa! How many people did you eat?
Am I late?
He's here! The killer machine.
Get that fuckin' cyborg.
I am not a cyborg.
I am Bob Pimko from the junk bond division.
You're dead, Pimko!
He's killin' me, boys.
Save me. Save me!
- Get off our friend...
- Oh, no.
You binary bastard!
Oh, no! Please stop!
Apply brake! Apply brake!
Ouch.
Good job, fellas.
Is this my surprise birthday party?
Where is everybody?
They ran out to escape the robots.
But don't worry, we killed 'em all.
Good and dead.
What? Those aren't robots.
Those were my appliances!
My juicer!
My espresso maker with adjustable frother!
Appliances? But they were talking.
Yeah! Welcome to the year 2020.
2020?
What do you mean?
It's 2020!
We're in the future!
There's cake! -Whoa! Check it out!
My bros got me a blimp for my birthday!
Oh, I gotta get a selfie with the blimp.
Where's the blimp? Where's the blimp?
There's the blimp! -
Maybe here in the future, people can live
through something like that.
Maybe not.
Ooh! Pop-Tart.
I wanna go back to 1969.
You screwed us again, Phineas.
You and your ultimate high.
You kicked us 50 years in the future.
I can get us back. Don't forget,
I have a high school degree in chemistry.
I have a middle school degree in sharing.
I'll reverse engineer the Swami's sauce
through a chemical process
you couldn't even begin
to understand, and voila!
We're back in 1969.
Probably some of that sauce
still back in our basement, right?
Right. But first, we're
gonna need some weed
to sprinkle it on.
Would it be possible to
aim your nail shavings
away from my sleeping quarters?
Um, maybe you didn't get the memo?
What? You can't do that!
Can and did.
Now, I got a question for
you. Where's your weed at?
- I need to smoke up.
- Oh, I don't touch the stuff.
I had a puff once and
thought I was being followed
by a bulldog for a week.
I don't know why I even bother with you.
I'm taking my ass to Ramon's corner.
Mm. Voila!
Mary Jane.
First name Mary, uh, last name Jane.
Uh, anyone seen her?
Cat Nip. First name Cat, last name Nip.
Tickets to Jamaica? Anyone?
To Jamaica, know what I mean?
- Know what I mean?
- I don't get it.
Ramon's corner always had action.
Maybe a little less
so after you killed him.
I hate the future!
We got a respectable
family livin' in our house!
Personal hygiene seems
to be back in a big way.
And worst of all, you
can't find weed anywhere!
Try in there, genius.
"Marijuana Dispensary"? Ooh!
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪
Shangri-La!
Are you're telling me weed is legal?
- Give me, give me, give me.
- Of course it's legal!
♪ Are you ready for an edible? ♪
♪ Ready as we can be
♪ Are you ready for an edible? ♪
♪ Weed will set you free
- ♪ You can eat it.
- ♪ Eat it
- ♪ Smoke it.
- ♪ Smoke it
♪ Vape it - ♪ Vape it?
♪ Toke it ♪ And
get ready, ready, ready ♪
♪ Ready for an edible
Ha, ha, hey!
♪ Greens that
grow Right in the ground ♪
- ♪ Nature's own supply ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Dry it out and roll it up
♪ It will get you high
♪ It will get you high
♪ Mankind loves that holy leaf ♪
♪ Gives us all That sweet relief ♪
♪ Bless Holy Mother, Mary Jane ♪
♪ Blessed Mary Jane ♪
♪ Blessed be the Freaks ♪
- ♪ Are you ready? ♪
- ♪ Ready, ready, ready
♪ Ready for an edible
♪ Dope will get you
Through times of no money ♪
♪ No money
♪ More than money Buys you time ♪
- ♪ With no dope ♪
- No dope.
♪ You can smoke with your
mama Smoking with your poppa ♪
♪ Or at Vatican with the pope
♪ Vatican with the pope
♪ I'm Freddy and I'm ready
♪ Ready for an edible
I'm being fucked by electricity!
♪ Hey, Did you hear my vibrato? ♪
Well, look on the bright side.
Dope will get you through times
of no money better than money
will get you through times of no dope.
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
- I hear that!
- You dudes wanna buy some weed?
Eh. We don't have any money.
Hey, man. No judgments here.
We actually don't have any weed.
I forgot!
Yeah, we don't have any weed right now.
Yeah, cops took it when
they busted our asses.
What'd you get busted for?
Uh, selling weed.
Wh... I thought that was legal now.
Right?
We're under false arrest.
Did you guys have your own weed store?
Yeah, we did!
Store?
It's a damn lemonade stand for ganja.
Cops said we need a license.
I said, "Hey, man,
if you don't need a license to drive,
why do you need a license to sell schwag?"
Dude, it's true.
He totally said that to the cop.
It was sick. It was
worth the mace for sure.
It was worth the mace.
If only we woulda videoed it,
it woulda made a cool TikTok.
Dang! -Oh, these boys are hella dumb!
Y'all may have found some
people stupider than you!
So we're still stuck in the same place.
We don't have money, we don't have dope.
I'll tell you what I have.
I have eyes on that shorthair tabby cat
licking its paws at me from the drunk tank.
Dude's hung like a longhair.
I'm gonna go get me some.
You know, it's funny.
It seems like only yesterday
that we were back in the '60s,
and everything was
going to shit all around us,
and... all we wanted to do
was smoke weed and escape.
And now we're in 2020
and things have gone completely to shit,
and all we want to do is
smoke weed and escape.
Are... Are you, uh,
meandering towards a point?
I ate six pounds of edibles,
what do you want from me, huh?
Little tip, guys. If you're
gonna make a fake ID,
don't say you were born in the 1940s.
That'd make you 80 years old.
I guess technically we are.
You're charged with vandalism,
creating a public nuisance
and destruction of private property.
What about the police lady I bit?
Hush up. -I thought she was a Pop-Tart!
Your bail's been set.
- You get one phone call.
- We told you!
We're from the past. We don't know anybody.
We do know one person.
How much is their bail?
- Ten thousand dollars.
- Ten thousand dollars?
You can buy a house
for ten thousand dollars!
Why so high? They're not serial killers.
I don't know what they are, lady.
Uh, Miss Gretchen?
We're kinda tapped out.
If you could front us
just a little or all of it.
I'm sorry, I don't have that kind of money.
Sounds like you
Freaks are shit out of luck.
But my sister Harper does.
And she left her credit
card on the kitchen counter.
I can't wait to see her
face when she gets the bill.
Nice meeting you,
- Chuck and Charlie.
- Latro, dudes!
Yo! Follow me on Instagram.
Stealing your sister's credit card
to bail us out of jail. I like this one.
I love her.
All available units.
Requesting a large crane
at the Millennium Highrise.
We got a quadriplegic
stuck in a garbage chute.
Hey! You guys threw Bob
Pimko down a garbage chute.
Uh, we should probably
hustle on outta here.
What the hell!
Harper, before you say
anything, these are my clients
and I told them they can crash here.
Uh, nope! -Come on! Be reasonable.
Reasonable?
Three unwashed stoners
emerge from our basement,
claiming to be from 1969,
and... And the reasonable thing
to do is invite them to live with us?
Oh, now, don't worry. You
won't even know we're here.
All right, outta my
way. I gotta take a shit!
Theme music playing...
It's a good show!
♪ Brother, hmm, hmm
♪ Three brothers puffin'
♪ And we just woke up in Year 2020 ♪
♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪
♪ Roll another J And get high ♪
♪ Roll another J And forget the day ♪
♪ Me and my brothers Getting fried ♪
♪ The Freak Brothers
*THE FREAK BROTHERS*
Episode Title: "Pilot"
Aired on: November 14, 2021.
♪ Peace and love
♪ Got to get together ♪
♪ With peace and love.
♪ Stop fighting one another
- ♪ Give it to me now ♪
- ♪ Peace and love ♪
♪ Got to get together
♪ With peace and love ♪
- ♪ Stop fighting one another ♪
- ♪ Ow... ♪
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Move, man!
One hairy, maladjusted
Freak comin' through!
♪ It's time to change ♪
♪ Hey, hey... ♪
I won this hat off a man in a poker game
just outside of Abilene, Texas.
Do you have any pot?
If you ladies would kindly
check your tube tops.
When did you do that?
When we were making love, darlings.
Allow me to introduce myself,
Freewheelin' Franklin Freek.
Name's Bernie Sanders.
Outreach Coordinator for
the American Socialist Party.
I also brought the sandwich.
Fat Freddy Freekowtski.
I'm eatin' the sandwich.
Of course, in the spirit of socialism,
I brought it to share with everyone.
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Fat Freddy, gimme a piece of that sandwich.
Oh, Kitty, I fed you last week!
Don't play with me, fat man! I'm hungry!
Franklin, Freddy, we
gotta talk. Basement. Now.
"The ultimate high."
That's what it says, right here.
A guy named Swami Bhajan.
He makes a magical trippin' sauce.
You sprinkle it on your weed
and it, quote, "Blows your mind
out your eye holes," unquote!
What in the fried fuck is a Swami?
I don't know, some spiritual
kook who rides elephants.
- I didn't read the article.
- It don't matter.
It's the ultimate high! Where is he?
Some little music festival
in upstate New York.
Woodstock, 1969.
The apex of '60s counterculture.
Lotta music. Lotta drugs.
And a lotta fuckin'.
A whole lotta fucking.
There were once in a lifetime performances
from Janis Joplin, John Fogerty,
and Joe Cocker.
But we didn't see a damn second of it,
because Fat Freddy bought us bus tickets
to Woodstock, Georgia!
After two days of wandering around
a damn peach orchard,
they finally figured out
we were in the wrong damn state!
Ow!
Ow! Run! Run, guys!
Run for your fucking lives!
- Every man for himself!
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Don't you want to stop
and listen to Jimi Hendrix?
No! It's the last day of the festival.
I wanna find Swami what's-his-fucking name
and get the ultimate high.
-But Phineas-
-You shut up!
I'm still picking buckshot
out of my ass because of you.
Your Holiness, wait!
- Namaste, namaste!
- What is it, my children?
Your Honor, we stand
before you to request a bottle
of your sacred weed sauce.
And for what reason do you seek my elixir?
To get as high as humanly possible.
I'm so sorry.
My elixir is only for spiritual purposes.
Listen, Chicken Tikka.
You say spiritual, I say 30 dollars.
You could've had it for five.
What a dumb-ass. Pack up those pachyderms.
We're leaving!
And now, I must begin my humble pilgrimage
back to Calcutta.
♪ Put the boss in
♪ His Mercedes
♪ Tell the driver...
♪ Start the engine
We got the sauce!
Now we need to sprinkle it on a joint.
Who's got some weed?
We smoked it all before
we hit the Golden Gate Bridge.
No! You smoked it all, funky butt!
All Statue of Liberty no
never passin' motherfucker.
Oh, why don't we just buy
from one of these hippies here?
That is the end of Woodstock!
Please leave Woodstock now, ya dig?
Gentlemen! Back to San Francisco!
Mary Jane?
First name Mary, uh, last name Jane?
- Anyone seen her?
- Hey. Speaks Spanish...
- You Freaks lookin' to score?
- Hey, it's Ramon!
- Hey! Don't say my name!
- Hey, Ramon!
We'll take our usual bag
of schwag, thanks, Ramon!
What the...
All right. Deal.
Fuckin' Freaks...
Oh, shit! Los cerdos!
Ramon, what the hell are you doin'?
Stuffin' it up my ass.
I'm on probation!
Ooh, ice cream!
Who's a track star, in case.
Oh, shit! -
Ramon, the weed man!
I'll have a rocket pop and a Mr. Big Cone.
Freddy!
A man just got flattened
right in front of you
and you're talking about ice cream?
Did you say Mr. Big
Cone? That's a good cone.
Forget it, man.
We can just go buy from someone else.
With what? He took the last of our money!
And our weed's up his ass.
Hmm.
I got an idea. Play it cool, boys.
Y'all lemme know when y'all get that weed.
Mm. I ain't
diggin' in nobody's ass.
Let us give you a hand there, pal.
Oh, thanks. I... Hey. Who are you guys?
You remember us from the Christmas party.
I'm, um... I'm Bill.
I'm Jah-Quez.
And I'm Denise!
Oh, you remember Denise!
She was dancing up a
storm to "Jingle Bell Rock".
Shakin' her tits. -Huh. Huh. Huh.
Ooh. -
That's right!
Okay, grab his limbs.
Lift on three. -Sure thing.
And I'll lift from with
my hand up his asshole.
What? Why?
So she don't hurt her
back. Why do you think?
Wait a minute.
You're not Denise.
Denise is a brunette!
What's that in your hand?
Nothin'! -I need a cop over here!
Let's book! -
Ew! Gross! -
Get that weed in your butt!
This is it. The ultimate high!
I'll see you on the other side, boys.
♪ I like to dream ♪
♪ Yes, yes, right between
The sound machine ♪
♪ On a cloud of sound
I drift in the night ♪
♪ Any place it goes is right... ♪
♪ Goes far, flies near
♪ To the stars away from here ♪
♪ Well, you don't know
♪ What we can find
♪ Why don't you come with me Little girl ♪
♪ On a magic carpet ride
♪ Well, you don't know what ♪
♪ We can see
♪ Why don't you tell Your dreams to me ♪
♪ Fantasy will set you free ♪
Damn lightweights.
Y'all can't handle that shit.
♪ I got so high, yeah ♪
♪ I got so high... ♪
Gnarly.
♪ I can touch the sky... ♪
Bogus.
♪ I watch the clouds roll by... ♪
As if.
♪ 'Cause I got so high... ♪
OMG!
♪ I got so high... ♪
- Zaddy!
- ♪ I got so high ♪
I'm a lot less stressed out,
now that we're allowed to
smoke pot on our breaks.
Me too!
I can barely remember
those unarmed civilians I shot.
I'm up. -I'm up.
I'm up.
Damn, that's ripe!
One of y'all Freaks need to take a shower.
Ultimate
high, my giant b-hole.
All we did was fall asleep.
How long were we out?
If I had to guess, and
I am good at guessing,
probably an hour.
Ah! I could use a few more winks.
I'm gonna go up to bed.
I'm hungry.
I feel like I haven't eaten in 50 years.
I gotta take a shit.
Oh, okay! I guess I'll clean
up this nasty ass basement
by my damn self!
How ya doing?
How ya doing? -
How ya doing?
Please don't kill us!
We voted for bond measure
nine to increase shelters!
My God, Noah, at least
pretend to be a threat.
Uh, listen, folks, we
have an open door policy,
but the one thing we do not tolerate is
tripping squares. -Yeah.
And what'd you do to our pad?
You gotta ask before
messing with our house, lady!
Your house? All right. That's it.
I'm calling the police.
Harper, these guys
clearly aren't dangerous.
I don't believe I've had the pleasure.
Freewheelin' Franklin Freak.
Oh, I'm Gretchen, her
sister. Don't hold it against me.
- I live in the guest house.
- Okay, that's enough!
You get away from her! Move, move, come on.
Oh, somebody's jealous!
Um, sorry, that's a Sambonet
Conca Gio tablespoon.
It's not meant for frozen food.
- I don't mind.
- Noah, step back!
This bitch sprayin' bullshit!
I'll be damned if that crazy bitch get me.
Jesus, Harper! Gestapo much?
What's going on down there?
Your mother just pepper
sprayed three houseless people.
Really, Mom? I've got two AP tests
and a travel soccer game tomorrow!
What the fuck just happened?
Wait! Sorry about my sister.
You guys look like you
could use a little help.
And it so happens to
be what I do for a living.
Call me. -Ah. Gretchen Morris,
Housing Ad-vo-cah-tay,
uh, and Attorney at Law.
What a beautiful name.
If you need anything,
I represent the downtrodden.
Don't hesitate to call.
And you call me if you need anything,
you know, like if you wanna cuddle
or, you know, just, uh, get after it.
What the hell is going on?
Did we just get thrown
out of our own house?
That ain't our house.
Look at, it's, uh... nice.
It's not just our house.
Everything seems different.
What makes you say that?
Excuse me.
Why aren't out with your hairy,
maladjusted compatriots? -
They ain't got food. You do.
Too whit, you seem to be
inadvertently eating from my bowl.
- All yours, chief.
- It's pronounced Chomsky.
It feels like San Francisco.
But it don't feel like San Francisco.
There's nobody driving that
car! I'm freaking out here!
Excuse me, lady? Where are we?
Ma'am? Ma'am? Can you help us?
Cardi B. OMG.
LOL. -
What? -LOL.
LOL.
What the fuck are you talking about? Hello?
What are those glowy
rectangles they're staring at?
Are they Pop-Tarts? -God, dammit, Freddy.
You think everything's a Pop-Tart!
- That's why you ate my wallet!
- Knock it off, you two.
I know what's going on.
There's been a machine take over.
Those glowy little boxes
have wiped their minds clean.
You're right! I saw this
on the Twilight Zone.
Robot! Play it cool, fellas.
Hello, gentlemen. Are
you in need of assistance?
W... Why do you say that, robot sir?
You seem a little disoriented.
No, no, no! No cause for alarm.
We're... We're very orientated.
- Aren't... Aren't we, fellas?
- Yeah, we are Orientals.
We're on our way to Chinatown right now.
Yeah! Chinatown.
LOL, OMG, LOL! -OMG, LOL.
Oh, LOL to you, good sir. -Oh. OMG, LOL.
That was a close one.
- We gotta find somewhere safe.
- I can keep you safe.
Safeguard your assets.
I'm the harbor in a storm.
- You can keep us safe?
- Fuck yeah! I'm the man.
He's a man! Not a machine!
Here's the bottom line, Jacko.
All you gotta do is stick with me.
You heard him, Jackos.
We're stickin' with him.
He's obviously part of the resistance.
Hey. Shh. Get down. Get down.
- What the hell's going on?
- Shh. He's coming.
- Who's coming?
- The killer!
A killer? You mean a machine?
Yeah, he's a machine. Took
down 30 million last year.
Thirty million dead.
I saw this coming years ago.
We meet our doom in the Age of the Machine.
Playing "Paging the Machine."
Oh, shit! The machines found us!
It's an ambush! -We shall not go quietly!
Make a stand, boys. Kick
'em in their motherboards!
Every machine dies! -
Die, robot, die!
Come on, machine! Want some of this?
Whoa! How many people did you eat?
Am I late?
He's here! The killer machine.
Get that fuckin' cyborg.
I am not a cyborg.
I am Bob Pimko from the junk bond division.
You're dead, Pimko!
He's killin' me, boys.
Save me. Save me!
- Get off our friend...
- Oh, no.
You binary bastard!
Oh, no! Please stop!
Apply brake! Apply brake!
Ouch.
Good job, fellas.
Is this my surprise birthday party?
Where is everybody?
They ran out to escape the robots.
But don't worry, we killed 'em all.
Good and dead.
What? Those aren't robots.
Those were my appliances!
My juicer!
My espresso maker with adjustable frother!
Appliances? But they were talking.
Yeah! Welcome to the year 2020.
2020?
What do you mean?
It's 2020!
We're in the future!
There's cake! -Whoa! Check it out!
My bros got me a blimp for my birthday!
Oh, I gotta get a selfie with the blimp.
Where's the blimp? Where's the blimp?
There's the blimp! -
Maybe here in the future, people can live
through something like that.
Maybe not.
Ooh! Pop-Tart.
I wanna go back to 1969.
You screwed us again, Phineas.
You and your ultimate high.
You kicked us 50 years in the future.
I can get us back. Don't forget,
I have a high school degree in chemistry.
I have a middle school degree in sharing.
I'll reverse engineer the Swami's sauce
through a chemical process
you couldn't even begin
to understand, and voila!
We're back in 1969.
Probably some of that sauce
still back in our basement, right?
Right. But first, we're
gonna need some weed
to sprinkle it on.
Would it be possible to
aim your nail shavings
away from my sleeping quarters?
Um, maybe you didn't get the memo?
What? You can't do that!
Can and did.
Now, I got a question for
you. Where's your weed at?
- I need to smoke up.
- Oh, I don't touch the stuff.
I had a puff once and
thought I was being followed
by a bulldog for a week.
I don't know why I even bother with you.
I'm taking my ass to Ramon's corner.
Mm. Voila!
Mary Jane.
First name Mary, uh, last name Jane.
Uh, anyone seen her?
Cat Nip. First name Cat, last name Nip.
Tickets to Jamaica? Anyone?
To Jamaica, know what I mean?
- Know what I mean?
- I don't get it.
Ramon's corner always had action.
Maybe a little less
so after you killed him.
I hate the future!
We got a respectable
family livin' in our house!
Personal hygiene seems
to be back in a big way.
And worst of all, you
can't find weed anywhere!
Try in there, genius.
"Marijuana Dispensary"? Ooh!
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪
Shangri-La!
Are you're telling me weed is legal?
- Give me, give me, give me.
- Of course it's legal!
♪ Are you ready for an edible? ♪
♪ Ready as we can be
♪ Are you ready for an edible? ♪
♪ Weed will set you free
- ♪ You can eat it.
- ♪ Eat it
- ♪ Smoke it.
- ♪ Smoke it
♪ Vape it - ♪ Vape it?
♪ Toke it ♪ And
get ready, ready, ready ♪
♪ Ready for an edible
Ha, ha, hey!
♪ Greens that
grow Right in the ground ♪
- ♪ Nature's own supply ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Dry it out and roll it up
♪ It will get you high
♪ It will get you high
♪ Mankind loves that holy leaf ♪
♪ Gives us all That sweet relief ♪
♪ Bless Holy Mother, Mary Jane ♪
♪ Blessed Mary Jane ♪
♪ Blessed be the Freaks ♪
- ♪ Are you ready? ♪
- ♪ Ready, ready, ready
♪ Ready for an edible
♪ Dope will get you
Through times of no money ♪
♪ No money
♪ More than money Buys you time ♪
- ♪ With no dope ♪
- No dope.
♪ You can smoke with your
mama Smoking with your poppa ♪
♪ Or at Vatican with the pope
♪ Vatican with the pope
♪ I'm Freddy and I'm ready
♪ Ready for an edible
I'm being fucked by electricity!
♪ Hey, Did you hear my vibrato? ♪
Well, look on the bright side.
Dope will get you through times
of no money better than money
will get you through times of no dope.
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
- I hear that!
- You dudes wanna buy some weed?
Eh. We don't have any money.
Hey, man. No judgments here.
We actually don't have any weed.
I forgot!
Yeah, we don't have any weed right now.
Yeah, cops took it when
they busted our asses.
What'd you get busted for?
Uh, selling weed.
Wh... I thought that was legal now.
Right?
We're under false arrest.
Did you guys have your own weed store?
Yeah, we did!
Store?
It's a damn lemonade stand for ganja.
Cops said we need a license.
I said, "Hey, man,
if you don't need a license to drive,
why do you need a license to sell schwag?"
Dude, it's true.
He totally said that to the cop.
It was sick. It was
worth the mace for sure.
It was worth the mace.
If only we woulda videoed it,
it woulda made a cool TikTok.
Dang! -Oh, these boys are hella dumb!
Y'all may have found some
people stupider than you!
So we're still stuck in the same place.
We don't have money, we don't have dope.
I'll tell you what I have.
I have eyes on that shorthair tabby cat
licking its paws at me from the drunk tank.
Dude's hung like a longhair.
I'm gonna go get me some.
You know, it's funny.
It seems like only yesterday
that we were back in the '60s,
and everything was
going to shit all around us,
and... all we wanted to do
was smoke weed and escape.
And now we're in 2020
and things have gone completely to shit,
and all we want to do is
smoke weed and escape.
Are... Are you, uh,
meandering towards a point?
I ate six pounds of edibles,
what do you want from me, huh?
Little tip, guys. If you're
gonna make a fake ID,
don't say you were born in the 1940s.
That'd make you 80 years old.
I guess technically we are.
You're charged with vandalism,
creating a public nuisance
and destruction of private property.
What about the police lady I bit?
Hush up. -I thought she was a Pop-Tart!
Your bail's been set.
- You get one phone call.
- We told you!
We're from the past. We don't know anybody.
We do know one person.
How much is their bail?
- Ten thousand dollars.
- Ten thousand dollars?
You can buy a house
for ten thousand dollars!
Why so high? They're not serial killers.
I don't know what they are, lady.
Uh, Miss Gretchen?
We're kinda tapped out.
If you could front us
just a little or all of it.
I'm sorry, I don't have that kind of money.
Sounds like you
Freaks are shit out of luck.
But my sister Harper does.
And she left her credit
card on the kitchen counter.
I can't wait to see her
face when she gets the bill.
Nice meeting you,
- Chuck and Charlie.
- Latro, dudes!
Yo! Follow me on Instagram.
Stealing your sister's credit card
to bail us out of jail. I like this one.
I love her.
All available units.
Requesting a large crane
at the Millennium Highrise.
We got a quadriplegic
stuck in a garbage chute.
Hey! You guys threw Bob
Pimko down a garbage chute.
Uh, we should probably
hustle on outta here.
What the hell!
Harper, before you say
anything, these are my clients
and I told them they can crash here.
Uh, nope! -Come on! Be reasonable.
Reasonable?
Three unwashed stoners
emerge from our basement,
claiming to be from 1969,
and... And the reasonable thing
to do is invite them to live with us?
Oh, now, don't worry. You
won't even know we're here.
All right, outta my
way. I gotta take a shit!
Theme music playing...
It's a good show!