The Flying Nun (1967–1970): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Rabbi and the Nun - full transcript
The Temple Beth Sholom overseen by Rabbi Mendez is the only synagogue in San Juan. Rabbi Mendez has a problem. Engaged couple Alfredo Acquilar and Sophia Baldazon want to get married but the temple is too small to hold all their invited guests. So Sister Bertrille convinces all to hold the ceremony on the grounds of the convent. All is going well until Alfredo, a heavy gambler, loses his honeymoon money at Carlos' casino. Sister Bertrille wants Carlos to show Alfredo and Sophia, who happens to be his bookkeeper, some kindness and "return" the money via losing at a fixed craps game using loaded dice. Carlos is reluctant since he does run a legitimate business, but concedes as usual to Sister Bertrille wishes. She convinces Alfredo to go along with it since she says she had a premonition of him winning at something that looked liked craps. Two unfortunate things happen during the craps game. First, Alfredo refuses to stop after he wins back his honeymoon money. And second, Captain Fomento comes by the casino and finds the loaded dice. Carlos is thrown in jail. Carlos is furious with Sister Bertrille, but his anger softens when Captain Fomento drops the charges on the advice of Rabbi Mendez. So Alfredo and Sophia get married and live happily ever after. But first Carlos has to bail out Alfredo once again with the provision of his yacht as Alfredo lost the honeymoon money at yet another casino.
(BARKING)
JACQUELINE: There
are many treasures
in and around the
Convent San Tanco,
some of it is buried treasure,
but this one was
delivered by air freight.
It was from the estate
of Martha Torrens,
deceased aunt
of Sister Bertrille.
I stood beside the bereaved
as she opened
her treasure chest.
She was 87 when she passed on.
The cutest little old
lady you ever saw.
JACQUELINE: A lace negligee?
But she thought young.
JACQUELINE: The trunk
was full of all kinds of goodies,
a fearless boa, a blond wig
and of all things...
Oh, what a lovely candelabra.
This is a menorah, Sister Ana.
The... The Jews
light it on Hanukkah.
I thought your aunt was
Catholic. Oh, she was.
I think she received that for something
she did during Brotherhood Week.
It'll look just wonderful in
our chapel, Reverend Mother.
Well, I think it might feel
more at home in a synagogue.
Yes. I guess you're right. Do
you have a favorite synagogue?
Well, how about the only
synagogue in San Tanco?
Good thinking.
Rabbi Mendez, you've
got yourself a menorah.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Oh, a parachute!
A parasol, Sister, and they
call them umbrellas now.
Oh, maybe she was
right the first time.
I can use it as a parachute.
It would save wear and
tear on the reentry system.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Sister?
(COUGHING)
What's Mary Poppins
got that I haven't got?
So if you like it, Rabbi Mendez,
it's yours and use it in good health.
Oh, this is a menorah of
menorahs, Sister Bertrille,
and I accept it with
thanks and with gratitude.
And with the promise that one day it
will grace the new Temple Beth Sholom.
Oh. It's nothing.
I mean, I'm glad you like it.
When are you moving?
The minute we deposit $150,000
in the bank, we break ground.
How much have you raised so far?
$150.
But considering that
my congregation is so
small, that's not so bad.
Fortunately, the
Good Lord is patient.
But unfortunately my
congregation is not.
And can I blame them?
It's a little difficult to conduct
the Friday-night services
when my synagogue is
surrounded by a butcher
who is always
haggling on one side
and John Wayne is shooting
the Indians on the other side.
It's a miracle if the Good
Lord knows who to listen to.
(ALFREDO SPEAKING SPANISH)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Quiet. Please.
When we raise our voices in
the synagogue, is to praise God,
not to argue like animals.
Hello, Alfredo.
Sister Bertrille.
Imagine seeing you here.
You know Alfredo
Aquillar? Oh, yes.
He's a great friend
of the Convent's.
He's donated tons of second-hand
clothes for our orphanage.
When the customer does not pick up the
dry cleaning after six months, out it goes.
Oh, permit me, Sister Bertrille,
to introduce my fiancee,
Sophia Baldazon.
How do you do? Nice to meet you.
Sophia is the bookkeeper
for Carlos Ramirez.
Oh, yes. I thought
you looked familiar.
Well, congratulations, you two.
How long have you been engaged?
Eight years and it
will be another eight...
(SOPHIA SPEAKING SPANISH)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Please, go into
my study and wait.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Very nice to have meet you.
Very nice to have met you, too.
Excuse us, Sister.
Yes, right. See you.
Sister Bertrille, I must
apologize for their rudeness and...
Oh. Don't worry about it.
I've been through
pre-marriage jitters myself.
With relatives.
I'm so tickled that
Alfredo's getting married.
I... I can't believe that he's
really going through with it.
With his little problem. Oh,
you mean the gambling?
Yes. He's still gambling
but thank God, he's
exchanging the dice for a woman.
Now at least he has
a chance of winning.
If they can only agree
on the wedding plans.
Well, what's the disagreement?
Sister Bertrille, look at
my synagogue. Hmm?
Look. Look around
you. What do you see?
Well, it might be
small in square feet,
but it's big in tradition.
Tradition. Tradition doesn't
hold 100 friends and relatives.
So, Sophia wants to
get married in a union hall
and Alfredo wants to get
married in a Chinese restaurant.
Wow. That's crummy. I
mean, why don't you tell them
that marriage is a sacred union
between a man and a woman
and it's just not important
where you get married?
No, that's wrong.
No, Sister Bertrille, you
were right the first time.
It's not important.
And at least the Chinese
restaurant has a piano.
A Jewish wedding
here in the convent?
Yes. Outside in the garden.
Oh, it would be really lovely
and after all Alfredo's done for us.
At least it wouldn't
smell of egg rolls.
A Jewish wedding in a convent?
Sure.
There's nothing denominational
about grass or hedges.
And the Reverend
Mother's perfectly agreeable.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
A Jewish wedding at a convent?
But there is nothing in the
Old Testament that forbids it.
And I don't think there's anything
in the New Testament either.
I guess that is an improvement
over a Chinese restaurant.
Then we're all agreed?
So be it.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
With your permission
we will put the
chuppah right here.
The "chuppah"?
A chuppah. That's a canopy.
It's a tradition for the Jews
to be married under a canopy.
Oh. How sweet. And very
practical in case it rains.
Now the chairs, of course,
we must have them
face the chuppah.
Um...
Yes. Yes.
Two groups of chairs, 50-50.
Oh, I... I don't think we have
quite that many chairs, Rabbi.
The chairs are coming
from Roberto's Rentals.
Now, we put the tables
for the food right over there.
Rabbi, I don't know
much about chuppahs,
but food is my specialty.
What shall I cook? It's
not necessary to cook.
But after all Alfredo has done
for us, it's the least we can do.
I make a beautiful baked ham.
Boy, have you got
the wrong wedding.
Well, that's very sweet,
but Roberto's Rentals
is providing the food.
You are renting
the food, Rabbi? No.
It's catering, Sister.
And such delicacies.
Mmm.
We are starting off with
pescado relleno de caballo.
That's gefilte fish
with horseradish.
Naturally you are all invited.
Oh, really, Rabbi,
with so many guests...
Now, now, Reverend Mother.
In a Jewish wedding is enough
food for two Jewish weddings.
JACQUELINE: A wedding
feast can be catered.
Chairs can be rented.
Ushers can be hired.
But it is against God and nature
to deprive women
of doing something.
So Rabbi Mendez
was finally persuaded
to allow us to
contribute the flowers,
decorations and otherwise.
Sister Bertrille
contributed the otherwise.
Am I high enough? Perfect.
Bombs away!
How does it look so far?
It looks great! Come down!
Oh!
It's still kind of wobbly.
Well, you have all day to practice
before the wedding tomorrow.
Yeah.
The wedding is off.
Off?
Off like postponed
or off like... Off.
Off like finished for good.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
I call you because I am too
embarrassed to face the Reverend Mother.
Can you tell me what happened?
If you know Alfredo,
you know what happened.
He slipped?
Slipped, skipped.
What's the difference?
He landed at the dice table.
How much this time?
The honeymoon money, $300.
Oh, no. Where?
Where else? Casino Carlos.
Ten years I wait
for a wedding...
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Rabbi, have you told
anyone else about this?
Only God, but so far he
has given me no answer.
Well, maybe I've got one.
Out of the mouths of
babes. Tell me, huh?
Well, I can't tell
you right now.
Not until I'm
absolutely positive.
But could you hold off
spreading around the
bad news till I come back?
No!
This is a gambling casino,
not the office of welfare.
But, Carlos, it's his
honeymoon money. I don't care.
Sister, if I feel sorry
for everybody that loses,
I am out of business.
But it's your bookkeeper's
fiance. Ex-bookkeeper.
She quit to have a
nervous breakdown.
And you're not
gonna even help her?
I don't have a medical
license. You have a heart.
Yeah.
And before you
give it a coronary,
here, I'll give you the $300.
Oh, thank you, Carlos,
but I don't want it.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
I mean, I mean, Alfredo
wouldn't accept it.
He's got too much pride.
Then why are you
wasting my time?
Well, what I was thinking is,
perhaps you could manage
to let him win it back.
What? I imagine
you could do it easily.
I can't control
the roll of the dice.
Oh, can't you now?
Now what is that
supposed to mean?
It seems to me I read an
article once about a thing called
loaded dice.
Bite your tongue.
You haven't got any?
Sister, I run a legitimate,
government-licensed casino.
Do you know what happened to
the crook that came here a year ago
and... and used
these loaded dice?
(EXCLAIMING)
So you do have a pair.
How fantastically crooked.
I just dropped in to say hello
and tell you about the
dream I had last night.
Please, Sister, I am not
in the mood for dreams.
Well, let me see if I
can remember it now.
Uh, you were standing in a
big room with lots of people.
And you were wearing a tuxedo.
And Sophia was by my
side in a wedding dress,
and I am not a child, Sister.
Please, forget it.
Who said anything
about a wedding?
Let me see, you were
standing in this big room
and you were standing
in front of a long table.
Long green table.
A long green felt table.
And you were very happy.
Go on.
Let me see, it
gets all mixed up.
Oh, yes. You had
something in your hand.
They were... They were white
things with black dots on them.
Dice perhaps?
They might have been.
All I know is, that
you took these objects
and you blew on
them like this...
And you threw them out on the
long green felt table and you shouted,
"Come on, seven. Papa
needs a new pair of shoes,"
whatever that might mean.
Go on. Go on.
Well, anyway, when these little
objects came to a stop after rolling,
the little black dots on the top
were five and two,
which adds up to seven.
That is a dream, all right.
Well, I'm not finished yet.
Uh, then every
time you picked up
these little objects
and you rolled them
again and again and again,
they always added up to seven.
Amazing.
You know some of my best
hunches come to me in dreams.
No!
Once I dreamt I
was piloting a plane
and the next day I bet on a horse
called Tri-Pilot and I made a...
I told you about it
once, remember?
You did?
Oh, what's the difference?
This morning I gave Rabbi
Mendez my solemn word
I should be struck with
lighting if I ever gamble again.
And I won't. Dream or no dream.
Now, what is the moral
question before us, Sister?
The moral question before us is,
how can a man's promise,
which he'll probably break
in a moment of weakness
sometime in the future,
compare to the promise
which he wants to keep to the
woman he loves, which he broke?
Yeah. I think what
you are trying to say is
there are promises and promises.
Exactly.
In this matter,
the Talmud says...
You sure the dice
are... Absolutely.
The Talmud says...
And Senor Ramirez
is willing to...
Just leave it to Senor Ramirez.
Alfredo, I want to tell you
a story from the Talmud
about a peasant who
came to the Vilna Rabbi.
The Vilna Rabbi was a very
holy and a very wise man.
"Rabbi, help me,"
said the peasant.
"I have a problem. I met a
stranger in a public house
"who invited me to play
with him a game of cards.
"And my problem, Rabbi, is this,
"I lost my favorite
horse, Tevya.
"My beloved lives
in the next village.
"How shall I get to
her without my horse?"
So the Rabbi looked at
him and he stroked his beard,
and he said one
and only one word,
"Walk."
What has that to do with me?
Don't you understand
the message?
The Vilna Rabbi is telling
us that all of life is a gamble.
But you said... Never
mind what I said
and listen to what I am saying.
If you can't ride, you walk.
But if you don't like walking,
look for a stranger who is
willing to gamble his horse.
Your dice, Alfredo.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Come on, dice. Papa
needs a new pair of shoes.
I rolled a seven.
Seven a winner.
All bets down, please.
Come on, dream, don't
turn into a nightmare.
Another seven.
CARLOS: Seven a winner.
Well, this is your lucky night,
Alfredo. You might win your $300 back.
More than that if you
bet the whole bundle.
I'm still behind
from last month.
Another seven!
Quit, you dope, quit.
Saving souls, Sister
Bertrille? Trying.
Captain Fomento, what...
what brings you here?
I am... Crime.
Crime? Well,
there's no crime here.
Not yet. But why wait
until the last minute?
Yes. Smart, smart.
You seem to be fascinated
with that dice table, Sister.
Well, no, not... not
nearly as much as that
as that blackjack
table over there.
Yeah. I've been
watching the dealer.
Watching. What... What, where?
Don't look now. Don't
look now. Look away.
You see, he's... he's been holding
his little finger in a very strange way.
Don't look. Don't look at him.
(SHUSHING)
(WHISTLING)
Now, Sister Bertrille, would
you please do me a favor?
And take Alfredo
away from that table.
With the money he's winning,
he can take a honeymoon
on the French Riviera.
He promised to stop at $300.
(ALFREDO LAUGHING)
Another seven!
MAN: Keep right on.
Uh, don't you think you ought
to quit while you're ahead?
Are you kidding, Sister? I'm
on the hottest roll of my life.
Yes, but what's hot can
cool off. I got faith, Sister.
See, I'm smiling, just like
you dreamed in your dream.
Yes, but in my dream, I
dreamt you only won $300.
You woke up too soon.
Seven!
Sister, you were right.
He was holding his
finger in a strange way.
He was? Yes. In a splint.
He broke his finger
in a... a soccer match.
Is that right? Yes.
Hello, Senor Fomento.
You're doing well I see.
Twelve straight passes, Captain.
Twelve straight...
But that's incredible.
Do you know that the... the
record in this casino was, if I'm...
Yes, it was 10 straight passes.
Yes, a seven.
It was established by a man by
the name of Marco, Marco Di Angelo.
Yes. He was underworld
character and he used...
Loaded dice! You are
under arrest, Alfredo.
Now... Now, wait. Now, wait
a minute, Captain Fomento.
There's a very
simple explanation.
You see, Alfredo...
Actually it... it was Carlos...
Well, it's a very simple
explanation but hard to explain,
so I'll let Senor Ramirez do it.
Carlos, I'm so sorry for what
happened, but it was the only way.
I will not listen to you!
I couldn't stand there and
let him arrest Alfredo, could I?
I don't hear a word you say.
Carlos, I think it's very
noble of you to take the rap.
Oh, yeah? My nobility
fills me with happiness.
I lost $900 to that fool.
I'm about to lose my casino.
Now I have a prison record.
But what does it matter?
Nothing.
Now, Carlos, stop
being petulant.
You're getting out on bail.
Oh, no, I'm not.
I don't want to be bail out.
I don't want to live
in a world in which
such a thing can happen
to an innocent bystander!
Carlos, they want you
to give the bride away.
Well, she can manage without me.
Sister, as long as I'm
on this side of the bars,
and you are on that side of
the bars, I feel much safer!
Now, Carlos, cut that out.
Senor Ramirez,
you are free to go.
Oh, no, I don't
want to be freed!
I want to pay for my crime! Out!
I'm going to have
your badge for this.
He's a little upset.
Now you take me back
immediately after the wedding.
I'm dropping the charges.
On what grounds?
I had a long talk
with Rabbi Mendez.
And he told me a beautiful story
that came out of the Talmud, you know.
It seems that this peasant
he lost his horse
because of a wager
and because of this, he was
made to walk from village to village
till his feet bled.
In final anguish he cried to the
Lord up above for forgiveness.
And the Lord spoke
to him and said,
"Okay, okay. Stop your whining.
"I have other
problems on my mind."
(SIGHING)
Let this be a lesson to you.
What does that mean?
How should I know? I'm a
policeman, not a philosopher.
Out! Out!
"Behold, thou art consecrated
unto me by this ring,
"according to the laws
of Moses and of Israel."
"Behold, thou art consecrated
unto me by this ring,
"according to the law
of Moses and of Israel."
JACQUELINE: It was
a beautiful ceremony.
All eyes were on the
Rabbi and the happy couple.
And fortunate for us,
because Sister Bertrille
was a little behind schedule.
(SPEAKING HEBREW)
(PEOPLE SPEAKING HEBREW)
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
♪ (SISTERS SINGING HAVA NAGILA)
In Brooklyn we got maybe
1,000 reformed synagogues,
but so reformed, never.
♪ (MUSIC PLAYING)
It's like a miracle.
Rabbi, do you think perhaps,
it is just an interesting
cloud formation?
Don't be so scientific,
Reverend Mother.
I believe God
had a finger in it.
The Rabbi is so grateful for my
humble cooperation in this situation,
that he said he wished
he could make me
an honorary member
of the Jewish people.
Oh, how sweet.
I was thinking, if he should,
does that mean that I
cannot arrest anyone on
Yom Kippur?
Carlos, I'm so proud
of what you did.
With you as a friend,
can I do anything else?
Even if I wanted to?
It's just too bad.
What's too bad?
About the honeymoon.
What are you talking about?
He's has the $900
he won from me.
Not all of it.
What happened?
Well, he had to go to San Juan
to pick up the bride's present.
And he had to make a
phone call when he was there
and the nearest
phone was in a casino.
Oh, no!
How much did he lose? Roughly?
Yeah. $900.
Sister, you are not going to
get another penny out of me.
Who's asking you
for anything? No. Oh.
I was just thinking that if perhaps you
weren't using your yacht this weekend,
there would be a chance
that, I don't know how,
but maybe I could borrow your...
Oh, Carlos.
JACQUELINE: There
are many treasures
in and around the
Convent San Tanco,
some of it is buried treasure,
but this one was
delivered by air freight.
It was from the estate
of Martha Torrens,
deceased aunt
of Sister Bertrille.
I stood beside the bereaved
as she opened
her treasure chest.
She was 87 when she passed on.
The cutest little old
lady you ever saw.
JACQUELINE: A lace negligee?
But she thought young.
JACQUELINE: The trunk
was full of all kinds of goodies,
a fearless boa, a blond wig
and of all things...
Oh, what a lovely candelabra.
This is a menorah, Sister Ana.
The... The Jews
light it on Hanukkah.
I thought your aunt was
Catholic. Oh, she was.
I think she received that for something
she did during Brotherhood Week.
It'll look just wonderful in
our chapel, Reverend Mother.
Well, I think it might feel
more at home in a synagogue.
Yes. I guess you're right. Do
you have a favorite synagogue?
Well, how about the only
synagogue in San Tanco?
Good thinking.
Rabbi Mendez, you've
got yourself a menorah.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Oh, a parachute!
A parasol, Sister, and they
call them umbrellas now.
Oh, maybe she was
right the first time.
I can use it as a parachute.
It would save wear and
tear on the reentry system.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Sister?
(COUGHING)
What's Mary Poppins
got that I haven't got?
So if you like it, Rabbi Mendez,
it's yours and use it in good health.
Oh, this is a menorah of
menorahs, Sister Bertrille,
and I accept it with
thanks and with gratitude.
And with the promise that one day it
will grace the new Temple Beth Sholom.
Oh. It's nothing.
I mean, I'm glad you like it.
When are you moving?
The minute we deposit $150,000
in the bank, we break ground.
How much have you raised so far?
$150.
But considering that
my congregation is so
small, that's not so bad.
Fortunately, the
Good Lord is patient.
But unfortunately my
congregation is not.
And can I blame them?
It's a little difficult to conduct
the Friday-night services
when my synagogue is
surrounded by a butcher
who is always
haggling on one side
and John Wayne is shooting
the Indians on the other side.
It's a miracle if the Good
Lord knows who to listen to.
(ALFREDO SPEAKING SPANISH)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Quiet. Please.
When we raise our voices in
the synagogue, is to praise God,
not to argue like animals.
Hello, Alfredo.
Sister Bertrille.
Imagine seeing you here.
You know Alfredo
Aquillar? Oh, yes.
He's a great friend
of the Convent's.
He's donated tons of second-hand
clothes for our orphanage.
When the customer does not pick up the
dry cleaning after six months, out it goes.
Oh, permit me, Sister Bertrille,
to introduce my fiancee,
Sophia Baldazon.
How do you do? Nice to meet you.
Sophia is the bookkeeper
for Carlos Ramirez.
Oh, yes. I thought
you looked familiar.
Well, congratulations, you two.
How long have you been engaged?
Eight years and it
will be another eight...
(SOPHIA SPEAKING SPANISH)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Please, go into
my study and wait.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Very nice to have meet you.
Very nice to have met you, too.
Excuse us, Sister.
Yes, right. See you.
Sister Bertrille, I must
apologize for their rudeness and...
Oh. Don't worry about it.
I've been through
pre-marriage jitters myself.
With relatives.
I'm so tickled that
Alfredo's getting married.
I... I can't believe that he's
really going through with it.
With his little problem. Oh,
you mean the gambling?
Yes. He's still gambling
but thank God, he's
exchanging the dice for a woman.
Now at least he has
a chance of winning.
If they can only agree
on the wedding plans.
Well, what's the disagreement?
Sister Bertrille, look at
my synagogue. Hmm?
Look. Look around
you. What do you see?
Well, it might be
small in square feet,
but it's big in tradition.
Tradition. Tradition doesn't
hold 100 friends and relatives.
So, Sophia wants to
get married in a union hall
and Alfredo wants to get
married in a Chinese restaurant.
Wow. That's crummy. I
mean, why don't you tell them
that marriage is a sacred union
between a man and a woman
and it's just not important
where you get married?
No, that's wrong.
No, Sister Bertrille, you
were right the first time.
It's not important.
And at least the Chinese
restaurant has a piano.
A Jewish wedding
here in the convent?
Yes. Outside in the garden.
Oh, it would be really lovely
and after all Alfredo's done for us.
At least it wouldn't
smell of egg rolls.
A Jewish wedding in a convent?
Sure.
There's nothing denominational
about grass or hedges.
And the Reverend
Mother's perfectly agreeable.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
A Jewish wedding at a convent?
But there is nothing in the
Old Testament that forbids it.
And I don't think there's anything
in the New Testament either.
I guess that is an improvement
over a Chinese restaurant.
Then we're all agreed?
So be it.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
With your permission
we will put the
chuppah right here.
The "chuppah"?
A chuppah. That's a canopy.
It's a tradition for the Jews
to be married under a canopy.
Oh. How sweet. And very
practical in case it rains.
Now the chairs, of course,
we must have them
face the chuppah.
Um...
Yes. Yes.
Two groups of chairs, 50-50.
Oh, I... I don't think we have
quite that many chairs, Rabbi.
The chairs are coming
from Roberto's Rentals.
Now, we put the tables
for the food right over there.
Rabbi, I don't know
much about chuppahs,
but food is my specialty.
What shall I cook? It's
not necessary to cook.
But after all Alfredo has done
for us, it's the least we can do.
I make a beautiful baked ham.
Boy, have you got
the wrong wedding.
Well, that's very sweet,
but Roberto's Rentals
is providing the food.
You are renting
the food, Rabbi? No.
It's catering, Sister.
And such delicacies.
Mmm.
We are starting off with
pescado relleno de caballo.
That's gefilte fish
with horseradish.
Naturally you are all invited.
Oh, really, Rabbi,
with so many guests...
Now, now, Reverend Mother.
In a Jewish wedding is enough
food for two Jewish weddings.
JACQUELINE: A wedding
feast can be catered.
Chairs can be rented.
Ushers can be hired.
But it is against God and nature
to deprive women
of doing something.
So Rabbi Mendez
was finally persuaded
to allow us to
contribute the flowers,
decorations and otherwise.
Sister Bertrille
contributed the otherwise.
Am I high enough? Perfect.
Bombs away!
How does it look so far?
It looks great! Come down!
Oh!
It's still kind of wobbly.
Well, you have all day to practice
before the wedding tomorrow.
Yeah.
The wedding is off.
Off?
Off like postponed
or off like... Off.
Off like finished for good.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
I call you because I am too
embarrassed to face the Reverend Mother.
Can you tell me what happened?
If you know Alfredo,
you know what happened.
He slipped?
Slipped, skipped.
What's the difference?
He landed at the dice table.
How much this time?
The honeymoon money, $300.
Oh, no. Where?
Where else? Casino Carlos.
Ten years I wait
for a wedding...
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Rabbi, have you told
anyone else about this?
Only God, but so far he
has given me no answer.
Well, maybe I've got one.
Out of the mouths of
babes. Tell me, huh?
Well, I can't tell
you right now.
Not until I'm
absolutely positive.
But could you hold off
spreading around the
bad news till I come back?
No!
This is a gambling casino,
not the office of welfare.
But, Carlos, it's his
honeymoon money. I don't care.
Sister, if I feel sorry
for everybody that loses,
I am out of business.
But it's your bookkeeper's
fiance. Ex-bookkeeper.
She quit to have a
nervous breakdown.
And you're not
gonna even help her?
I don't have a medical
license. You have a heart.
Yeah.
And before you
give it a coronary,
here, I'll give you the $300.
Oh, thank you, Carlos,
but I don't want it.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
I mean, I mean, Alfredo
wouldn't accept it.
He's got too much pride.
Then why are you
wasting my time?
Well, what I was thinking is,
perhaps you could manage
to let him win it back.
What? I imagine
you could do it easily.
I can't control
the roll of the dice.
Oh, can't you now?
Now what is that
supposed to mean?
It seems to me I read an
article once about a thing called
loaded dice.
Bite your tongue.
You haven't got any?
Sister, I run a legitimate,
government-licensed casino.
Do you know what happened to
the crook that came here a year ago
and... and used
these loaded dice?
(EXCLAIMING)
So you do have a pair.
How fantastically crooked.
I just dropped in to say hello
and tell you about the
dream I had last night.
Please, Sister, I am not
in the mood for dreams.
Well, let me see if I
can remember it now.
Uh, you were standing in a
big room with lots of people.
And you were wearing a tuxedo.
And Sophia was by my
side in a wedding dress,
and I am not a child, Sister.
Please, forget it.
Who said anything
about a wedding?
Let me see, you were
standing in this big room
and you were standing
in front of a long table.
Long green table.
A long green felt table.
And you were very happy.
Go on.
Let me see, it
gets all mixed up.
Oh, yes. You had
something in your hand.
They were... They were white
things with black dots on them.
Dice perhaps?
They might have been.
All I know is, that
you took these objects
and you blew on
them like this...
And you threw them out on the
long green felt table and you shouted,
"Come on, seven. Papa
needs a new pair of shoes,"
whatever that might mean.
Go on. Go on.
Well, anyway, when these little
objects came to a stop after rolling,
the little black dots on the top
were five and two,
which adds up to seven.
That is a dream, all right.
Well, I'm not finished yet.
Uh, then every
time you picked up
these little objects
and you rolled them
again and again and again,
they always added up to seven.
Amazing.
You know some of my best
hunches come to me in dreams.
No!
Once I dreamt I
was piloting a plane
and the next day I bet on a horse
called Tri-Pilot and I made a...
I told you about it
once, remember?
You did?
Oh, what's the difference?
This morning I gave Rabbi
Mendez my solemn word
I should be struck with
lighting if I ever gamble again.
And I won't. Dream or no dream.
Now, what is the moral
question before us, Sister?
The moral question before us is,
how can a man's promise,
which he'll probably break
in a moment of weakness
sometime in the future,
compare to the promise
which he wants to keep to the
woman he loves, which he broke?
Yeah. I think what
you are trying to say is
there are promises and promises.
Exactly.
In this matter,
the Talmud says...
You sure the dice
are... Absolutely.
The Talmud says...
And Senor Ramirez
is willing to...
Just leave it to Senor Ramirez.
Alfredo, I want to tell you
a story from the Talmud
about a peasant who
came to the Vilna Rabbi.
The Vilna Rabbi was a very
holy and a very wise man.
"Rabbi, help me,"
said the peasant.
"I have a problem. I met a
stranger in a public house
"who invited me to play
with him a game of cards.
"And my problem, Rabbi, is this,
"I lost my favorite
horse, Tevya.
"My beloved lives
in the next village.
"How shall I get to
her without my horse?"
So the Rabbi looked at
him and he stroked his beard,
and he said one
and only one word,
"Walk."
What has that to do with me?
Don't you understand
the message?
The Vilna Rabbi is telling
us that all of life is a gamble.
But you said... Never
mind what I said
and listen to what I am saying.
If you can't ride, you walk.
But if you don't like walking,
look for a stranger who is
willing to gamble his horse.
Your dice, Alfredo.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Come on, dice. Papa
needs a new pair of shoes.
I rolled a seven.
Seven a winner.
All bets down, please.
Come on, dream, don't
turn into a nightmare.
Another seven.
CARLOS: Seven a winner.
Well, this is your lucky night,
Alfredo. You might win your $300 back.
More than that if you
bet the whole bundle.
I'm still behind
from last month.
Another seven!
Quit, you dope, quit.
Saving souls, Sister
Bertrille? Trying.
Captain Fomento, what...
what brings you here?
I am... Crime.
Crime? Well,
there's no crime here.
Not yet. But why wait
until the last minute?
Yes. Smart, smart.
You seem to be fascinated
with that dice table, Sister.
Well, no, not... not
nearly as much as that
as that blackjack
table over there.
Yeah. I've been
watching the dealer.
Watching. What... What, where?
Don't look now. Don't
look now. Look away.
You see, he's... he's been holding
his little finger in a very strange way.
Don't look. Don't look at him.
(SHUSHING)
(WHISTLING)
Now, Sister Bertrille, would
you please do me a favor?
And take Alfredo
away from that table.
With the money he's winning,
he can take a honeymoon
on the French Riviera.
He promised to stop at $300.
(ALFREDO LAUGHING)
Another seven!
MAN: Keep right on.
Uh, don't you think you ought
to quit while you're ahead?
Are you kidding, Sister? I'm
on the hottest roll of my life.
Yes, but what's hot can
cool off. I got faith, Sister.
See, I'm smiling, just like
you dreamed in your dream.
Yes, but in my dream, I
dreamt you only won $300.
You woke up too soon.
Seven!
Sister, you were right.
He was holding his
finger in a strange way.
He was? Yes. In a splint.
He broke his finger
in a... a soccer match.
Is that right? Yes.
Hello, Senor Fomento.
You're doing well I see.
Twelve straight passes, Captain.
Twelve straight...
But that's incredible.
Do you know that the... the
record in this casino was, if I'm...
Yes, it was 10 straight passes.
Yes, a seven.
It was established by a man by
the name of Marco, Marco Di Angelo.
Yes. He was underworld
character and he used...
Loaded dice! You are
under arrest, Alfredo.
Now... Now, wait. Now, wait
a minute, Captain Fomento.
There's a very
simple explanation.
You see, Alfredo...
Actually it... it was Carlos...
Well, it's a very simple
explanation but hard to explain,
so I'll let Senor Ramirez do it.
Carlos, I'm so sorry for what
happened, but it was the only way.
I will not listen to you!
I couldn't stand there and
let him arrest Alfredo, could I?
I don't hear a word you say.
Carlos, I think it's very
noble of you to take the rap.
Oh, yeah? My nobility
fills me with happiness.
I lost $900 to that fool.
I'm about to lose my casino.
Now I have a prison record.
But what does it matter?
Nothing.
Now, Carlos, stop
being petulant.
You're getting out on bail.
Oh, no, I'm not.
I don't want to be bail out.
I don't want to live
in a world in which
such a thing can happen
to an innocent bystander!
Carlos, they want you
to give the bride away.
Well, she can manage without me.
Sister, as long as I'm
on this side of the bars,
and you are on that side of
the bars, I feel much safer!
Now, Carlos, cut that out.
Senor Ramirez,
you are free to go.
Oh, no, I don't
want to be freed!
I want to pay for my crime! Out!
I'm going to have
your badge for this.
He's a little upset.
Now you take me back
immediately after the wedding.
I'm dropping the charges.
On what grounds?
I had a long talk
with Rabbi Mendez.
And he told me a beautiful story
that came out of the Talmud, you know.
It seems that this peasant
he lost his horse
because of a wager
and because of this, he was
made to walk from village to village
till his feet bled.
In final anguish he cried to the
Lord up above for forgiveness.
And the Lord spoke
to him and said,
"Okay, okay. Stop your whining.
"I have other
problems on my mind."
(SIGHING)
Let this be a lesson to you.
What does that mean?
How should I know? I'm a
policeman, not a philosopher.
Out! Out!
"Behold, thou art consecrated
unto me by this ring,
"according to the laws
of Moses and of Israel."
"Behold, thou art consecrated
unto me by this ring,
"according to the law
of Moses and of Israel."
JACQUELINE: It was
a beautiful ceremony.
All eyes were on the
Rabbi and the happy couple.
And fortunate for us,
because Sister Bertrille
was a little behind schedule.
(SPEAKING HEBREW)
(PEOPLE SPEAKING HEBREW)
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
♪ (SISTERS SINGING HAVA NAGILA)
In Brooklyn we got maybe
1,000 reformed synagogues,
but so reformed, never.
♪ (MUSIC PLAYING)
It's like a miracle.
Rabbi, do you think perhaps,
it is just an interesting
cloud formation?
Don't be so scientific,
Reverend Mother.
I believe God
had a finger in it.
The Rabbi is so grateful for my
humble cooperation in this situation,
that he said he wished
he could make me
an honorary member
of the Jewish people.
Oh, how sweet.
I was thinking, if he should,
does that mean that I
cannot arrest anyone on
Yom Kippur?
Carlos, I'm so proud
of what you did.
With you as a friend,
can I do anything else?
Even if I wanted to?
It's just too bad.
What's too bad?
About the honeymoon.
What are you talking about?
He's has the $900
he won from me.
Not all of it.
What happened?
Well, he had to go to San Juan
to pick up the bride's present.
And he had to make a
phone call when he was there
and the nearest
phone was in a casino.
Oh, no!
How much did he lose? Roughly?
Yeah. $900.
Sister, you are not going to
get another penny out of me.
Who's asking you
for anything? No. Oh.
I was just thinking that if perhaps you
weren't using your yacht this weekend,
there would be a chance
that, I don't know how,
but maybe I could borrow your...
Oh, Carlos.