The Flying Nun (1967–1970): Season 2, Episode 23 - Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters - full transcript
Roberto Sanchez, president of the second largest grocery chain in San Juan, states that Sister Sixto's bread is the best he has ever tasted. From that, Sister Bertrille thinks that selling her bread would be a good way to raise money for the convent. Sanchez is in charge of distribution, Sister Jacqueline is in charge of advertising, and obviously Sister Sixto is in charge of mixing. But to make money, one needs money, and Sister Bertrille approaches Carlos for financing: $1,000 for a new bread oven and $160 for a ton of flour. Other problems abound when Sister Sixto isn't comfortable with mass production and there are too many chefs in the kitchen when all five sisters helping in the kitchen think that they are in charge of adding yeast to the dough, which creates the day of the growing monster bread dough. But a potential lawsuit occurs when Sister Sixto loses her ring in one of the loaves of bread. The sisters manage to get back all the unsold loaves but the ring isn't in any of them. However, Sister Jacqueline, the advertising brain, comes up with an idea: a contest where the finder of the ring will get a year's supply of bread. The sisters don't have to pay out as the ring is fortunately found by Carlos in his loaf, unfortunately by biting down on it. But they wouldn't have a year's supply to give anyway as the bread business ultimately fails: the old bread recipe did not translate well into being baked in a new modern oven and the customers hated it.
JACQUELINE: Although the
Convent San Tanco is 400 years old
we do enjoy most of the
conveniences of the 20th century.
We have telephones,
television, electric appliances,
and bills...
bills and more bills,
to pay for the repair
of these conveniences.
But two things have not
changed through the centuries,
the oven in which we bake
our bread and our bread.
When the wind is right,
its aroma sings a siren
song that no one can resist.
♪ (SNAKECHARMER MUSIC PLAYING)
Providence often works
in mysterious ways.
On this particular day, it brought
us a stranger whose temper,
as well as his automobile
radiator, was boiling.
ROBERTO SANCHEZ: Sister.
I beg your pardon, Sister.
But if I might impose upon you?
Well, that's what we're here
for. What can I do for you?
I wonder if you could
spare a bucket of water
and just one slice
of that bread I smell.
Bread and water? We may not
be the richest convent in the world,
but I'm sure we can come up
with a glass of milk and a sandwich.
I'm afraid you do not
understand, Sister.
You see, the water
is for my car radiator
and the bread is
only to satisfy a whim.
I only want to see if the taste
can be half as
heavenly as the aroma.
Well, if it's heavenly
bread you're after,
you've certainly
come to the right place.
Right this way.
Here you are, senor.
Shovel up. Hmm?
Oh, she means
"dig in." You know,
like h-have another
piece, enjoy yourself.
I already have, Sister.
A whole loaf, I'm
ashamed to say.
Oh, don't worry, senor.
Sister Sixto will make
some more tomorrow.
Then I will try to
convince my car
to overheat at precisely
the same place.
It is marvelous.
Absolutely the best
bread I've ever tasted.
Thank you.
Many thanks, Sisters.
If ever I can return
your courtesies,
please do not hesitate to call.
SIXTO: Goodbye.
JACQUELINE: Goodbye, senor.
Goodbye, Sisters.
SIXTO: Bye-bye.
BERTRILLE: Bye.
"San Juan Grocery Company.
Roberto Sanchez, President."
Why, no wonder he
knows so much about bread.
His stores must sell
thousands of loaves a day.
Have we got another bucket?
More water? What are
you going to do with it?
Retile the roof,
paint the chapel
and pay the dentist
for Ricardo's braces.
With a bucket of water?
Senor Sanchez. Senor Sanchez,
I... I brought you
some more water.
But I have plenty, Sister.
Oh no, this isn't for the car.
This is for you, just
in case you get thirsty.
You are most considerate.
Well, anyone who's as
crazy about our bread...
Look at that windshield.
It's just filthy. Filthy.
That's odd. I just had the
car washed this morning.
Well, that's the trouble
with the world today.
No one takes
pride in their work.
Except for a very few, like Sister
Sixto when she bakes bread.
Well, you can taste tender
loving care in every single bite.
Who would know
that better than I?
BERTRILLE: And
you're not the only one.
Oh, people come from
miles around just hoping
to taste a crumb of
Sister Sixto's bread.
I wish I could say the
same for the bread we sell.
And we're the second largest
grocery chain on the island.
You are? No kidding.
Did it ever occur to you that being
number two, you have to bake harder?
Sister, are you trying
to tell me something?
Me? What could I tell a man
who could have the largest
grocery chain in the island
if he only sold the
right kind of bread.
You mean Sister Sixto's bread?
Are you offering to sell
Sister Sixto's bread?
I am?
Fantastic idea.
Sister Bertrille, we
are a teaching order
and not a baking order.
What about the Benedictine
monks and their brandy?
And bread's much
better than brandy
because you don't have
to be 21 to eat bread.
But, Sister Bertrille, it is
such a vast undertaking.
10 loaves, 200.
What's the difference?
190, to be precise.
Reverend Mother, I
know it sounds impossible.
But I've already
started the groundwork.
Some of the sisters have
agreed to help make the bread.
Senor Sanchez is in
charge of distribution.
Sister Jacqueline is in
charge of advertising...
Oh? I didn't know
that Sister Jacqueline
knew anything about advertising.
Oh, yes.
She was once a file clerk in a
Madison Avenue advertising agency.
Well, that should
qualify her eminently.
Now all I need is
your permission
to go ahead on one
insignificant little detail.
And what is that?
I have to promote a
$1,000 to buy an oven.
That sounds like a
significant big detail.
How do you intend to
raise that much money?
At the casino.
Sister Bertrille, you
are not going to gamble.
Only with my life. I'm
going to ask Carlos.
Come in.
Good morning.
Good morning, Sister.
What do you want this time?
Carlos, why is it that
every time I come over
to pay you a friendly call
you think I want something?
Because every time
you want something
you come to pay a friendly call.
Well, not this time.
I've come to give you something.
Hmm. Whatever it is you're
going to give me, I cannot afford it.
It's free.
It's a loaf of Sister
Sixto's homemade bread.
Fine. Leave it right there.
I'll have it with my dinner.
No, you have to have it
now. It's fresh out of the oven.
Sister, let's make a deal.
One bite and you go.
Okay.
Delicious. Now, goodbye.
If you think it's good that way,
you should try it with
a little butter on it.
And I just happen to have
a little butter right here.
You just happen
to have a little...
BERTRILLE: Yummy, isn't it?
Well, now you should try it
with some strawberry jam,
BERTRILLE: it's
just fantastic... Sister,
why do I get the feeling
that you're stuffing the goose
to make it lay the golden egg?
Beg your pardon?
What do you want?
Oh. Well, now that you asked,
you see, the convent has decided
to bake bread to raise money
and I thought perhaps I
could put you down for a loaf?
You mean that's all
you've been leading up to?
You want me to
buy a loaf of bread?
One, single, solitary
loaf of bread?
My pleasure.
Don't you even want to know
how much it's going to cost?
How much can it cost?
For you, a $1,000.
A $1,000? For one,
single, solitary loaf of bread?
Well, it's for the oven
to bake the bread in.
You see, Carlos, we need
your dough to bake our bread.
With an oven like this
our problems are over.
Oh, it's beautiful.
There's only one
thing I'd like to know.
How did you get Senor Carlos
to give you the money to buy it?
I cried a lot.
I got it. I finally
got it. What is it?
The name and
slogan for our bread.
How does this strike you?
BERTRILLE: "Buy
Convent Bread. Nun better."
None is spelled N-O-N-E, no?
No, I think she
meant it to be a pun.
Oh.
Oh, I'm mixed up. Are
we baking bread or puns?
Very clever, but don't you
think people might think
that we only eat
it on holy days.
Well, I've got lots more.
Oh, terrific.
I like it.
Good.
But don't you think we're opening
ourselves up for a lot of jokes like,
fit for angels, not humans?
Oh, yes. There's
one in every crowd.
Well, how does this grab you?
"Convent San Tanco bread.
The loaf with mass appeal."
"Mass," you get it?
It's wonderful. But what will
that do to our Protestant trade?
In other words, back
to the diving board.
(MUTTERING)
Well, as they say
on Madison Avenue,
that's the way the
bread crumbles.
Ta, ta.
(JACQUELINE WHISTLING)
Well, now that we have the
advertising campaign rolling along,
we better start on
our production line.
First of all, of course, Sister
Sixto will be in charge of mixing.
Any questions? Uh, yes.
Uh, one loaf of bread
I know how to make,
but what is one pinch
of salt for 200 loaves?
200 pinches.
Oh!
Oh, and then I
have to figure out
how much flour I'm gonna need.
Oh. Well, here's a pencil
and a piece of paper.
There you are.
Just multiply by 200.
Now then, there's the kneading.
I'd better take
care of that myself.
Yeah? And then Sister Theresa
can handle the cutting and shaping,
which leaves Sister Carla
for temperature control
before Sister Lupina puts the
unbaked loaves into the oven.
150 pounds of flour.
That's what I need.
Oh. How much do
you have on hand?
About 10 pounds.
Terrific.
Well,
Sister Bertrille,
is the Convent San Tanco ready
to cast its bread upon the public?
Oh, yes. I have everything
worked out to the last detail.
Excellent.
Except for one detail.
No. Not again. Absolutely
not. But Carlos...
Sister, I'm sorry. But the
well has finally run dry.
Are you sure? I mean, couldn't
you try and dig a little deeper?
I can dig all the way to China
and the answer will be the same.
You told me last time that
you wouldn't bother me again
if I loaned you the
money for the oven.
Yes, but we have
to get into business
and we can't get into business
until we bake some bread,
we can't bake any bread...
BOTH: Until we have some flour.
Right.
Look,
if you were to bake 200 loaves,
how much flour would you need?
About a pound per loaf.
If I were to ignore
my better judgment,
and if I were to lend you
the money for the flour,
how much would it cost me?
Well, if we go to the Lopez Mill
it will cost about
a dime per pound,
but if we pay cash, we can
get it for eight cents a pound
from the Garcia Brothers.
CARLOS: Okay.
Get it from Garcia Brothers.
But there's only one thing, the
Garcia Brothers only give the discount
with a minimum order of one ton.
One ton. One ton! 2,000 pounds!
Well, look at it
this way, Carlos.
With all that flour we'll be doing so
much baking that I won't have time
to come over and ask
you for anything else.
Finally, the great
moment arrived.
Sister Sixto began to mix the
ingredients with love and precision.
Well, with love, anyway.
SIXTO: 94, 95,
96,
97, 98,
99...
Are you sure we can't
help you, Sister Sixto?
100.
You got to keep
the rhythm. 102...
102...
103...
♪ Michael, row the boat ashore ♪
106...
107.
♪ Hallelujah... ♪
Sisters, look!
(ALL CLAMORING)
Look at that.
It's all their fault.
No, it was the both of them.
Well, now calm down, everybody.
Calm down!
Now, who was in charge
of putting in the yeast?
Don't just stand there. Attack.
JACQUELINE: We managed to
overcome our initial production problems
and prepared to
make our first delivery.
Well, how do you like the name
that Sister Jacqueline came up with?
It's a real zinger, isn't it?
BERTRILLE: "Mother's
Superior Bread."
Yes, indeed. It is a zinger.
Thanks. I'm still
working on the slogan.
Oh, let me try this
on you. Now get this.
"Make our habit your habit."
Wow, that's really
catchy, isn't it?
Do you wish a frank answer?
I've got a lot more
where that came from.
Sister Bertrille,
I don't want you to get
a ticket, but if you hurry,
the bread will still be
warm when you deliver it.
All right. I'll push
her to her limits.
Sister Bertrille, not too fast.
Reverend Mother, her
limit is 15 miles an hour.
(CAR EXHAUST POPPING)
REV. MOTHER: Are you
all right, Sister Bertrille?
Never mind me.
What about the bread?
(BERTRILLE COUGHING)
Oh, thank goodness.
For a minute I thought
we were going to have
200 loaves of toast.
Swell.
(POLICE ALARM GOING OFF)
Senor, pull around
the corner, please.
Good morning, Sister. Senor,
do you realize you
have been exceeding
the speed limit by
five miles an hour?
Well... I can explain that.
You see, we were
in a great hurry.
So, you admit it?
I did not admit
anything. She admitted it.
Senor, are you asking me
to doubt the word of a nun?
Why didn't you stop when
I signaled you back there?
Oh, we couldn't see you.
If you look for yourself, you'll
see that the rearview mirror
is completely blocked.
Excuse me, Sister.
Do you mind speaking
a little slower, please?
I do not want to miss
a single violation.
In fact, there is no need for
the, for the Sister to continue.
I admit I was speeding.
Now, if you make out a
citation, I'll be happy to accept it.
A wise decision, senor.
Now, if I can have your license?
Yes.
My license.
Yes, your license.
Well, I'm afraid,
in my great rush
to help the Sister, I
left it in my other coat.
Driving without a license.
Officer, it's really
not his fault.
You see, he just
wanted to make sure
that we got the bread to the
store while it was still fresh.
Oh, in that case, I understand.
Oh, you do? Certainly.
You are using a private
vehicle for commercial purposes.
Where is your permit, please?
Well, I don't have any.
I see.
Speeding, no
license and no permit,
rear view mirror blocked...
Now wait a minute, officer.
I know this man personally.
He's a very upstanding citizen.
BERTRILLE: He's Carlos
Ramirez. Casino Carlos.
Casino Carlos, really?
Yes, and I'm sure if
you'd drop in any time
he'd be just delighted
to buy you a drink.
Buy me a drink, huh?
Yes.
To the other charges, we will
add trying to bribe an officer.
Oh, boy.
Oh, Carlos, what would
we do without you?
I don't know, but
I wish you'd try.
Thanks for the ride home.
Sister, dropping you off is
one of the highlights of my day.
I'm sorry about all
those traffic citations.
We'll pay for them. Just put them
on the bill we already owe you.
And other than that, I
don't know what to say.
How about, "Goodbye"?
Oh, oh, wait, wait. I keep
forgetting. This is for you.
It's the first one off
our production line.
I... I hope you enjoy it.
I'll eat it. If I ever
get my appetite back.
Thank you.
No luck, Sisters.
It's not in any of
the mixing bowls.
And the only thing in
these flour sacks is flour.
What's going on here?
Sister Sixto lost her ring.
How? When?
If I knew how and when
I would also know where,
then it would not be lost.
Well, when did
you first miss it?
When I was through with
the baking my finger felt funny.
Funny? In what way?
Well, you know, naked.
You don't suppose...
Oh, no.
What? What?
Well, if your ring fell off while
you were kneading that dough...
It could be in
one of our breads.
And if someone
buys that bread...
And bites into the ring...
Then I'll get it back.
And what do you suppose will
happen to Mother's Superior Bread?
We could end up
in Superior Court.
That's right.
The Convent San Tanco air force
went into action as
soon as we learned
which of Senor Sanchez's
stores were selling our bread.
Unfortunately for us, our
bread had sold like hotcakes
and Sister Bertrille
was able to recover
only a fraction of
what we had baked.
This is like looking for
a needle in a haystack.
Oh, somebody lost a needle, too?
It's just an expression, Sister.
Oh. I'd like to hear an
expression like, "I found it."
Well, just keep looking.
We can't leave
one crumb unturned.
I do hope that the pigeons
have a good appetite.
Oh. Well, ladies,
it looks like we've
broken our last bread.
Oh, boy.
What do we do now?
Well, the public
must be notified.
Well, we could put an
ad in the newspaper.
Like under "Lost and found."
"Lost and found?"
BERTRILLE: Yes.
Lost, one gold ring last seen
in bread shaped container.
Sister Bertrille, exactly
what are you suggesting?
Well, I just wanted
to warn the public
without making us the laughing
stock of the bakery business.
Yes, but that is ridiculous.
By the time the
newspapers come out,
most of the bread will be eaten.
Wait a minute.
I think I've got it.
What?
We could get a bulletin
on the 6:00 news.
Oh, swell. Instant
bankruptcy coast to coast.
Not necessarily.
What do you mean,
Sister Jacqueline?
Well, with a little
Madison Avenue touch,
we could turn this
to our advantage.
MAN (ON RADIO) ...and
to the finder of the lucky ring,
in the lucky loaf of
Mother's Superior Bread,
the Sisters will award
a one year supply
of this mouth-watering delicacy.
So, think before you slice.
Look before you chew.
Who knows, you might
be the lucky winner.
And now, the news continues.
I wonder if we might
have been better off
if we'd found a more direct
approach to our problem.
Well that was direct,
Reverend Mother.
In an indirect sort of way.
Yes. Instead of
frightening the public
we offer them
something for nothing.
It's the old Madison
Avenue approach.
And all we're doing is just
paying for our own mistake.
And what could
be fairer than that?
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Good afternoon. Carlos,
you're not angry anymore?
Boy, you can sure hold a grudge.
Senor Ramirez, it's always
a pleasure to see you.
Thank you.
Did you hear about our contest?
I did. Meet the winner.
I beg your pardon?
My ring. Oh, see the
engraving, it's mine.
It's mine. Thank you.
Oh, is that dumb luck?
It was in your
bread all the time.
REV. MOTHER: How fortunate.
A-a-and you found it
when you cut into it?
Not when I cut into it...
You know, I once
read in a magazine
about a man who
grew a third tooth.
Maybe it was in a newspaper.
Maybe it was on television.
Maybe I made it up.
Reverend Mother,
I've got great news.
We solved the mystery.
Splendid. However, I was not
aware that we had a mystery.
Yes. Well, we didn't
want to burden you with it
until we had the solution.
It turns out that
Sister Sixto's bread
has a 9.5 return factor in
relation to consumer acceptance.
Uh, could you translate
that for me, Sister Bertrille?
The customers hated it.
Well, I cannot believe that.
I believe it. What went wrong?
Well, that was the mystery.
Now, it couldn't have been the flour,
the yeast, the
butter or the eggs,
so there's only one
thing left. The oven.
But it's a new oven.
BERTRILLE: Well, that's the point.
Now, this is an old recipe and
it probably needs an old oven
to bring out the
subtle old world flavor.
Well, it was a short
business career,
but a merry one.
Well, now that we've found out the
problem, we're not going to give up.
Now, we can get rid of the
new oven, we'll probably get
a very good price for it
because it's hardly been used.
And with that money, we can scout
around and find 10 old stone ovens.
Sister Bertrille...
I know what you're gonna say,
Reverend Mother. Where are we going
to put them? Well,
we've got it all figured out.
Now, we can knock
out the south wall
in the kitchen and extend it
10 feet into the chapel. Now...
Into the chapel?
Well, we hardly ever pray at the same
time and there's always empty pews...
REV. MOTHER: Sister Bertrille,
may I suggest that you use one of
those pews immediately and pray?
Pray for the return
of your sanity?
Yes, Reverend Mother.
Reverend Mother, can I
just say one thing? Yes.
My Aunt Louise has this
fantastic recipe for fudge brownies
that would put Girl Scout
cookies out of business.
Now, if we can just figure out a
way how to raise enough money
to buy 300 pounds of fudge, then
we can use the new oven and...
Sister Bertrille.
Yes, Reverend Mother.
I'm on my way to the chapel.
Convent San Tanco is 400 years old
we do enjoy most of the
conveniences of the 20th century.
We have telephones,
television, electric appliances,
and bills...
bills and more bills,
to pay for the repair
of these conveniences.
But two things have not
changed through the centuries,
the oven in which we bake
our bread and our bread.
When the wind is right,
its aroma sings a siren
song that no one can resist.
♪ (SNAKECHARMER MUSIC PLAYING)
Providence often works
in mysterious ways.
On this particular day, it brought
us a stranger whose temper,
as well as his automobile
radiator, was boiling.
ROBERTO SANCHEZ: Sister.
I beg your pardon, Sister.
But if I might impose upon you?
Well, that's what we're here
for. What can I do for you?
I wonder if you could
spare a bucket of water
and just one slice
of that bread I smell.
Bread and water? We may not
be the richest convent in the world,
but I'm sure we can come up
with a glass of milk and a sandwich.
I'm afraid you do not
understand, Sister.
You see, the water
is for my car radiator
and the bread is
only to satisfy a whim.
I only want to see if the taste
can be half as
heavenly as the aroma.
Well, if it's heavenly
bread you're after,
you've certainly
come to the right place.
Right this way.
Here you are, senor.
Shovel up. Hmm?
Oh, she means
"dig in." You know,
like h-have another
piece, enjoy yourself.
I already have, Sister.
A whole loaf, I'm
ashamed to say.
Oh, don't worry, senor.
Sister Sixto will make
some more tomorrow.
Then I will try to
convince my car
to overheat at precisely
the same place.
It is marvelous.
Absolutely the best
bread I've ever tasted.
Thank you.
Many thanks, Sisters.
If ever I can return
your courtesies,
please do not hesitate to call.
SIXTO: Goodbye.
JACQUELINE: Goodbye, senor.
Goodbye, Sisters.
SIXTO: Bye-bye.
BERTRILLE: Bye.
"San Juan Grocery Company.
Roberto Sanchez, President."
Why, no wonder he
knows so much about bread.
His stores must sell
thousands of loaves a day.
Have we got another bucket?
More water? What are
you going to do with it?
Retile the roof,
paint the chapel
and pay the dentist
for Ricardo's braces.
With a bucket of water?
Senor Sanchez. Senor Sanchez,
I... I brought you
some more water.
But I have plenty, Sister.
Oh no, this isn't for the car.
This is for you, just
in case you get thirsty.
You are most considerate.
Well, anyone who's as
crazy about our bread...
Look at that windshield.
It's just filthy. Filthy.
That's odd. I just had the
car washed this morning.
Well, that's the trouble
with the world today.
No one takes
pride in their work.
Except for a very few, like Sister
Sixto when she bakes bread.
Well, you can taste tender
loving care in every single bite.
Who would know
that better than I?
BERTRILLE: And
you're not the only one.
Oh, people come from
miles around just hoping
to taste a crumb of
Sister Sixto's bread.
I wish I could say the
same for the bread we sell.
And we're the second largest
grocery chain on the island.
You are? No kidding.
Did it ever occur to you that being
number two, you have to bake harder?
Sister, are you trying
to tell me something?
Me? What could I tell a man
who could have the largest
grocery chain in the island
if he only sold the
right kind of bread.
You mean Sister Sixto's bread?
Are you offering to sell
Sister Sixto's bread?
I am?
Fantastic idea.
Sister Bertrille, we
are a teaching order
and not a baking order.
What about the Benedictine
monks and their brandy?
And bread's much
better than brandy
because you don't have
to be 21 to eat bread.
But, Sister Bertrille, it is
such a vast undertaking.
10 loaves, 200.
What's the difference?
190, to be precise.
Reverend Mother, I
know it sounds impossible.
But I've already
started the groundwork.
Some of the sisters have
agreed to help make the bread.
Senor Sanchez is in
charge of distribution.
Sister Jacqueline is in
charge of advertising...
Oh? I didn't know
that Sister Jacqueline
knew anything about advertising.
Oh, yes.
She was once a file clerk in a
Madison Avenue advertising agency.
Well, that should
qualify her eminently.
Now all I need is
your permission
to go ahead on one
insignificant little detail.
And what is that?
I have to promote a
$1,000 to buy an oven.
That sounds like a
significant big detail.
How do you intend to
raise that much money?
At the casino.
Sister Bertrille, you
are not going to gamble.
Only with my life. I'm
going to ask Carlos.
Come in.
Good morning.
Good morning, Sister.
What do you want this time?
Carlos, why is it that
every time I come over
to pay you a friendly call
you think I want something?
Because every time
you want something
you come to pay a friendly call.
Well, not this time.
I've come to give you something.
Hmm. Whatever it is you're
going to give me, I cannot afford it.
It's free.
It's a loaf of Sister
Sixto's homemade bread.
Fine. Leave it right there.
I'll have it with my dinner.
No, you have to have it
now. It's fresh out of the oven.
Sister, let's make a deal.
One bite and you go.
Okay.
Delicious. Now, goodbye.
If you think it's good that way,
you should try it with
a little butter on it.
And I just happen to have
a little butter right here.
You just happen
to have a little...
BERTRILLE: Yummy, isn't it?
Well, now you should try it
with some strawberry jam,
BERTRILLE: it's
just fantastic... Sister,
why do I get the feeling
that you're stuffing the goose
to make it lay the golden egg?
Beg your pardon?
What do you want?
Oh. Well, now that you asked,
you see, the convent has decided
to bake bread to raise money
and I thought perhaps I
could put you down for a loaf?
You mean that's all
you've been leading up to?
You want me to
buy a loaf of bread?
One, single, solitary
loaf of bread?
My pleasure.
Don't you even want to know
how much it's going to cost?
How much can it cost?
For you, a $1,000.
A $1,000? For one,
single, solitary loaf of bread?
Well, it's for the oven
to bake the bread in.
You see, Carlos, we need
your dough to bake our bread.
With an oven like this
our problems are over.
Oh, it's beautiful.
There's only one
thing I'd like to know.
How did you get Senor Carlos
to give you the money to buy it?
I cried a lot.
I got it. I finally
got it. What is it?
The name and
slogan for our bread.
How does this strike you?
BERTRILLE: "Buy
Convent Bread. Nun better."
None is spelled N-O-N-E, no?
No, I think she
meant it to be a pun.
Oh.
Oh, I'm mixed up. Are
we baking bread or puns?
Very clever, but don't you
think people might think
that we only eat
it on holy days.
Well, I've got lots more.
Oh, terrific.
I like it.
Good.
But don't you think we're opening
ourselves up for a lot of jokes like,
fit for angels, not humans?
Oh, yes. There's
one in every crowd.
Well, how does this grab you?
"Convent San Tanco bread.
The loaf with mass appeal."
"Mass," you get it?
It's wonderful. But what will
that do to our Protestant trade?
In other words, back
to the diving board.
(MUTTERING)
Well, as they say
on Madison Avenue,
that's the way the
bread crumbles.
Ta, ta.
(JACQUELINE WHISTLING)
Well, now that we have the
advertising campaign rolling along,
we better start on
our production line.
First of all, of course, Sister
Sixto will be in charge of mixing.
Any questions? Uh, yes.
Uh, one loaf of bread
I know how to make,
but what is one pinch
of salt for 200 loaves?
200 pinches.
Oh!
Oh, and then I
have to figure out
how much flour I'm gonna need.
Oh. Well, here's a pencil
and a piece of paper.
There you are.
Just multiply by 200.
Now then, there's the kneading.
I'd better take
care of that myself.
Yeah? And then Sister Theresa
can handle the cutting and shaping,
which leaves Sister Carla
for temperature control
before Sister Lupina puts the
unbaked loaves into the oven.
150 pounds of flour.
That's what I need.
Oh. How much do
you have on hand?
About 10 pounds.
Terrific.
Well,
Sister Bertrille,
is the Convent San Tanco ready
to cast its bread upon the public?
Oh, yes. I have everything
worked out to the last detail.
Excellent.
Except for one detail.
No. Not again. Absolutely
not. But Carlos...
Sister, I'm sorry. But the
well has finally run dry.
Are you sure? I mean, couldn't
you try and dig a little deeper?
I can dig all the way to China
and the answer will be the same.
You told me last time that
you wouldn't bother me again
if I loaned you the
money for the oven.
Yes, but we have
to get into business
and we can't get into business
until we bake some bread,
we can't bake any bread...
BOTH: Until we have some flour.
Right.
Look,
if you were to bake 200 loaves,
how much flour would you need?
About a pound per loaf.
If I were to ignore
my better judgment,
and if I were to lend you
the money for the flour,
how much would it cost me?
Well, if we go to the Lopez Mill
it will cost about
a dime per pound,
but if we pay cash, we can
get it for eight cents a pound
from the Garcia Brothers.
CARLOS: Okay.
Get it from Garcia Brothers.
But there's only one thing, the
Garcia Brothers only give the discount
with a minimum order of one ton.
One ton. One ton! 2,000 pounds!
Well, look at it
this way, Carlos.
With all that flour we'll be doing so
much baking that I won't have time
to come over and ask
you for anything else.
Finally, the great
moment arrived.
Sister Sixto began to mix the
ingredients with love and precision.
Well, with love, anyway.
SIXTO: 94, 95,
96,
97, 98,
99...
Are you sure we can't
help you, Sister Sixto?
100.
You got to keep
the rhythm. 102...
102...
103...
♪ Michael, row the boat ashore ♪
106...
107.
♪ Hallelujah... ♪
Sisters, look!
(ALL CLAMORING)
Look at that.
It's all their fault.
No, it was the both of them.
Well, now calm down, everybody.
Calm down!
Now, who was in charge
of putting in the yeast?
Don't just stand there. Attack.
JACQUELINE: We managed to
overcome our initial production problems
and prepared to
make our first delivery.
Well, how do you like the name
that Sister Jacqueline came up with?
It's a real zinger, isn't it?
BERTRILLE: "Mother's
Superior Bread."
Yes, indeed. It is a zinger.
Thanks. I'm still
working on the slogan.
Oh, let me try this
on you. Now get this.
"Make our habit your habit."
Wow, that's really
catchy, isn't it?
Do you wish a frank answer?
I've got a lot more
where that came from.
Sister Bertrille,
I don't want you to get
a ticket, but if you hurry,
the bread will still be
warm when you deliver it.
All right. I'll push
her to her limits.
Sister Bertrille, not too fast.
Reverend Mother, her
limit is 15 miles an hour.
(CAR EXHAUST POPPING)
REV. MOTHER: Are you
all right, Sister Bertrille?
Never mind me.
What about the bread?
(BERTRILLE COUGHING)
Oh, thank goodness.
For a minute I thought
we were going to have
200 loaves of toast.
Swell.
(POLICE ALARM GOING OFF)
Senor, pull around
the corner, please.
Good morning, Sister. Senor,
do you realize you
have been exceeding
the speed limit by
five miles an hour?
Well... I can explain that.
You see, we were
in a great hurry.
So, you admit it?
I did not admit
anything. She admitted it.
Senor, are you asking me
to doubt the word of a nun?
Why didn't you stop when
I signaled you back there?
Oh, we couldn't see you.
If you look for yourself, you'll
see that the rearview mirror
is completely blocked.
Excuse me, Sister.
Do you mind speaking
a little slower, please?
I do not want to miss
a single violation.
In fact, there is no need for
the, for the Sister to continue.
I admit I was speeding.
Now, if you make out a
citation, I'll be happy to accept it.
A wise decision, senor.
Now, if I can have your license?
Yes.
My license.
Yes, your license.
Well, I'm afraid,
in my great rush
to help the Sister, I
left it in my other coat.
Driving without a license.
Officer, it's really
not his fault.
You see, he just
wanted to make sure
that we got the bread to the
store while it was still fresh.
Oh, in that case, I understand.
Oh, you do? Certainly.
You are using a private
vehicle for commercial purposes.
Where is your permit, please?
Well, I don't have any.
I see.
Speeding, no
license and no permit,
rear view mirror blocked...
Now wait a minute, officer.
I know this man personally.
He's a very upstanding citizen.
BERTRILLE: He's Carlos
Ramirez. Casino Carlos.
Casino Carlos, really?
Yes, and I'm sure if
you'd drop in any time
he'd be just delighted
to buy you a drink.
Buy me a drink, huh?
Yes.
To the other charges, we will
add trying to bribe an officer.
Oh, boy.
Oh, Carlos, what would
we do without you?
I don't know, but
I wish you'd try.
Thanks for the ride home.
Sister, dropping you off is
one of the highlights of my day.
I'm sorry about all
those traffic citations.
We'll pay for them. Just put them
on the bill we already owe you.
And other than that, I
don't know what to say.
How about, "Goodbye"?
Oh, oh, wait, wait. I keep
forgetting. This is for you.
It's the first one off
our production line.
I... I hope you enjoy it.
I'll eat it. If I ever
get my appetite back.
Thank you.
No luck, Sisters.
It's not in any of
the mixing bowls.
And the only thing in
these flour sacks is flour.
What's going on here?
Sister Sixto lost her ring.
How? When?
If I knew how and when
I would also know where,
then it would not be lost.
Well, when did
you first miss it?
When I was through with
the baking my finger felt funny.
Funny? In what way?
Well, you know, naked.
You don't suppose...
Oh, no.
What? What?
Well, if your ring fell off while
you were kneading that dough...
It could be in
one of our breads.
And if someone
buys that bread...
And bites into the ring...
Then I'll get it back.
And what do you suppose will
happen to Mother's Superior Bread?
We could end up
in Superior Court.
That's right.
The Convent San Tanco air force
went into action as
soon as we learned
which of Senor Sanchez's
stores were selling our bread.
Unfortunately for us, our
bread had sold like hotcakes
and Sister Bertrille
was able to recover
only a fraction of
what we had baked.
This is like looking for
a needle in a haystack.
Oh, somebody lost a needle, too?
It's just an expression, Sister.
Oh. I'd like to hear an
expression like, "I found it."
Well, just keep looking.
We can't leave
one crumb unturned.
I do hope that the pigeons
have a good appetite.
Oh. Well, ladies,
it looks like we've
broken our last bread.
Oh, boy.
What do we do now?
Well, the public
must be notified.
Well, we could put an
ad in the newspaper.
Like under "Lost and found."
"Lost and found?"
BERTRILLE: Yes.
Lost, one gold ring last seen
in bread shaped container.
Sister Bertrille, exactly
what are you suggesting?
Well, I just wanted
to warn the public
without making us the laughing
stock of the bakery business.
Yes, but that is ridiculous.
By the time the
newspapers come out,
most of the bread will be eaten.
Wait a minute.
I think I've got it.
What?
We could get a bulletin
on the 6:00 news.
Oh, swell. Instant
bankruptcy coast to coast.
Not necessarily.
What do you mean,
Sister Jacqueline?
Well, with a little
Madison Avenue touch,
we could turn this
to our advantage.
MAN (ON RADIO) ...and
to the finder of the lucky ring,
in the lucky loaf of
Mother's Superior Bread,
the Sisters will award
a one year supply
of this mouth-watering delicacy.
So, think before you slice.
Look before you chew.
Who knows, you might
be the lucky winner.
And now, the news continues.
I wonder if we might
have been better off
if we'd found a more direct
approach to our problem.
Well that was direct,
Reverend Mother.
In an indirect sort of way.
Yes. Instead of
frightening the public
we offer them
something for nothing.
It's the old Madison
Avenue approach.
And all we're doing is just
paying for our own mistake.
And what could
be fairer than that?
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Good afternoon. Carlos,
you're not angry anymore?
Boy, you can sure hold a grudge.
Senor Ramirez, it's always
a pleasure to see you.
Thank you.
Did you hear about our contest?
I did. Meet the winner.
I beg your pardon?
My ring. Oh, see the
engraving, it's mine.
It's mine. Thank you.
Oh, is that dumb luck?
It was in your
bread all the time.
REV. MOTHER: How fortunate.
A-a-and you found it
when you cut into it?
Not when I cut into it...
You know, I once
read in a magazine
about a man who
grew a third tooth.
Maybe it was in a newspaper.
Maybe it was on television.
Maybe I made it up.
Reverend Mother,
I've got great news.
We solved the mystery.
Splendid. However, I was not
aware that we had a mystery.
Yes. Well, we didn't
want to burden you with it
until we had the solution.
It turns out that
Sister Sixto's bread
has a 9.5 return factor in
relation to consumer acceptance.
Uh, could you translate
that for me, Sister Bertrille?
The customers hated it.
Well, I cannot believe that.
I believe it. What went wrong?
Well, that was the mystery.
Now, it couldn't have been the flour,
the yeast, the
butter or the eggs,
so there's only one
thing left. The oven.
But it's a new oven.
BERTRILLE: Well, that's the point.
Now, this is an old recipe and
it probably needs an old oven
to bring out the
subtle old world flavor.
Well, it was a short
business career,
but a merry one.
Well, now that we've found out the
problem, we're not going to give up.
Now, we can get rid of the
new oven, we'll probably get
a very good price for it
because it's hardly been used.
And with that money, we can scout
around and find 10 old stone ovens.
Sister Bertrille...
I know what you're gonna say,
Reverend Mother. Where are we going
to put them? Well,
we've got it all figured out.
Now, we can knock
out the south wall
in the kitchen and extend it
10 feet into the chapel. Now...
Into the chapel?
Well, we hardly ever pray at the same
time and there's always empty pews...
REV. MOTHER: Sister Bertrille,
may I suggest that you use one of
those pews immediately and pray?
Pray for the return
of your sanity?
Yes, Reverend Mother.
Reverend Mother, can I
just say one thing? Yes.
My Aunt Louise has this
fantastic recipe for fudge brownies
that would put Girl Scout
cookies out of business.
Now, if we can just figure out a
way how to raise enough money
to buy 300 pounds of fudge, then
we can use the new oven and...
Sister Bertrille.
Yes, Reverend Mother.
I'm on my way to the chapel.