The Flying Nun (1967–1970): Season 1, Episode 8 - Ah Love, Could You and I Conspire? - full transcript
Bobbye Starr is trying to get away from her mobster boyfriend Al Caine, who she wants to get a legitimate job and ask her to marry him. In her getaway, she stows away in the convent's station wagon and isn't discovered by the sisters until they reach the convent. Sisters Bertrille and Jacqueline think that Bobbye's arrival is timely, as she mentioned her job was as a 'private secretary' and the Reverend Mother probably needs help while her regular secretary, Sister Ana, is off sick. However regular secretarial work is not Bobbye's strength in life. Despite her secretarial failings, she endears herself to everyone at the convent and is allowed to stay as long as she feels she needs. Although Bobbye resigns herself to go back to Al, Sister Bertrille suggests that to nab Al, Bobbye needs to make him jealous. The sister suggests Carlos as the perfect pretend suitor. Carlos agrees after he lays eyes on the glamorous Bobbye. They make it as obvious to Al as possible, and it isn't until after the sisters tell Al about Carlos and Bobbye's whereabouts that the sisters discover Al's shady background. Sister Bertrille flies off to warn Carlos and Bobbye of Al's impending arrival. However Al arrives before her and threatens Bobbye and Carlos with a gun in hand. Sister Bertrille calls in the police, and with the siren wailing, Al is placed in a position of either having Bobbye testify against him, or marry him. He reluctantly concedes to the latter.
[barking]
(Jacqueline) ONCE A WEEK,
SISTER BERTRILLE AND I
GO TO THE WATERFRONT IN SAN JUAN
TO BUY FISH FOR THE CONVENT DINNER.
WE GO VERY EARLY IN THE MORNING,
TO GET THE PICK OF THE CATCH.
A FEW WEEKS AGO, WE BROUGHT
HOME MORE THAN WE BARGAINED FOR.
[seagulls cawing]
[lock creaking]
[door opening]
[groaning]
[spraying]
SISTER, DOES THE FISH SMELL
DIFFERENTLY TO YOU THIS MORNING?
YES, IT DOES.
SPOILED?
NO. KIND OF ROMANTIC.
[car engine starting]
BOBBYE?
BOBBYE?
YOU SEE HER? WHO?
MISS BRIGHT EYES. SHE'S GONE.
MAYBE SHE WENT FOR A WALK.
WHAT, AT THIS TIME
OF THE MORNING?
SHE TOOK THE ICE AND
THE SKINS WITH HER.
SHE COULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN VERY FAR.
YOU SEE ANY CABS? NO.
HEY, I DID SEE A STATION WAGON.
A PURPLE STATION
WAGON, RIGHT OVER THERE.
HUH, A SET-UP.
I'LL BREAK HER
LITTLE... AW, EASY, AL.
WE DON'T WANT ANY
TROUBLE WITH THE COPS.
THERE WON'T BE ANY TROUBLE.
WHOEVER OWNS THAT
PURPLE STATION WAGON
JUST BETTER GET USED TO PARKING
IT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WATER.
[vehicle approaching]
[brakes squealing]
(Jacqueline) WHEN WE GOT
BACK TO THE CONVENT,
WE STILL HADN'T
DISCOVERED OUR STOWAWAY.
[exclaiming]
OH, BE... BE
CAREFUL, SISTER. OH!
[sneezing] OH! IT'S ALIVE.
OH, WE BETTER GET HELP.
(woman) WAIT A
MINUTE. I DIDN'T MEAN
TO SCARE ANYBO...
NUNS!
UH, WHERE AM I? SOME
KIND OF HOSPITAL?
WELL, THIS IS THE... THE
CONVENT SAN TANCO.
A CONVENT!
YES. THIS IS SISTER MINK... UH,
JACQUELINE. I'M SISTER BERTRILLE.
OOH, I'M BOBBYE STARR.
UH, THAT-THAT'S B-O-B-B-Y-E.
WELL, THAT'S A... A VERY RISKY
WAY TO TRAVEL, MISS STARR.
Y-YOU ALMOST ENDED
UP IN OUR BOUILLABAISSE.
TELL ME SOMETHING,
SISTERS, DO YOU STILL GIVE
REFUGE IN THESE PLACES?
OH, ARE YOU IN
TROUBLE, MISS STARR?
TROUBLE? UH, NO, NO, WHAT...
I... I JUST QUIT MY
JOB THIS MORNING,
AND I WOULD LIKE TO AVOID THE
GENTLEMAN THAT EMPLOYED ME.
HE HAS SOME VERY STRANGE
IDEAS ABOUT LOYALTY.
WELL, WHAT KIND
OF WORK DID YOU DO?
I WAS A SECRETARY.
A PRIVATE SECRETARY.
GEE, YOU MUST HAVE
BEEN AWFULLY GOOD AT IT?
OH! OH, DON'T LET
THESE FOOL YOU.
RIGHT NOW MY CASH ASSETS
AMOUNT TO A FAST 42 CENTS.
WHAT ABOUT IT? CAN
YOU GIVE ME A CELL?
OH, WELL, WE CALL THEM
BEDROOMS THIS CENTURY, MISS STARR.
THE REVEREND MOTHER COULD
PROBABLY USE SOME HELP IN THE OFFICE.
OH, YES. SISTER ANA,
THAT'S THE MOTHER
SUPERIOR'S SECRETARY, SHE'S ILL.
THEN I'M HER GIRL.
(Jacqueline) REVEREND MOTHER
THOUGHT IT WAS A BLESSING TO HAVE
AN EXPERIENCED SECRETARY
APPEAR FROM OUT OF THE BLUE.
THEN SHE MET MISS STARR.
REVEREND MOTHER, THIS
IS MISS BOBBYE STARR.
B-O-B-B-Y-E.
MISS STARR.
A PLEASURE, I'M SURE.
PLEASE, DO GET UP, MISS STARR.
SISTER JACQUELINE
TELLS ME THAT YOU ARE
AN EXPERIENCED SECRETARY.
UH, CAN YOU TELL ME, UH,
HOW WELL YOU TAKE DICTATION?
I DON'T KNOW. I'VE ALWAYS
LIVED IN A DEMOCRACY.
THE DOORS OF SAN TANCO
ARE ALWAYS OPEN, MISS STARR.
HOWEVER, WE WOULD
HAVE TO LOOK ON THIS
AS A TEMPORARY ARRANGEMENT.
YEAH. UNTIL SISTER
ANA GETS BETTER?
YES. AND, UH, UNTIL YOU'VE
FOUND A MORE SUITABLE SITUATION.
AND NOW, UH, SISTER JACQUELINE
WILL SHOW YOU TO OUR GUEST ROOM.
OH, GEE, I FEEL LIKE ONE
OF THE GIRLS ALREADY.
UH, MISS STARR? WHO WAS
YOUR FORMER EMPLOYER?
UH, MR. CAINE.
(Rev. Mother) MR. CAINE?
MR. ALBION CAINE.
THE NAME DOES NOT
STRIKE A FAMILIAR NOTE.
WHAT LINE OF BUSINESS IS HE IN?
MR. CAINE?
HE DEALS IN A SERVICE.
[bicycle bell ringing]
THAT IT?
(Leo) THAT'S IT.
BRING THE FUNNY STICKS.
WHO DO YOU THINK
IT IS? THE SYNDICATE?
[exclaiming]
DIRTY POOL, MAN.
DIRTY POOL.
[taps]
OH, THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
MISS STARR, THESE ARE TO BE
FILED IN THE CABINET OVER HERE.
GOT YOU, REVEREND MOTHER, HONEY.
MISS STARR, "REVEREND
MOTHER" WILL BE SUFFICIENT.
UH, WHAT IS THAT, UH,
FRAGRANCE YOU USE?
OH!
"ACAPULCO DAWN." LIKE IT?
IT'S, UH, IT'S VERY ARRESTING.
[whispering] GO AHEAD, USE SOME.
WELL, THANK YOU, BUT, UH,
[whispering] NO THANKS.
[phone rings]
CONVENT SAN TANCO.
GOD BLESS YOU.
IS, UH, BOBBYE STARR THERE?
BOBBYE STARR? WHAT KIND OF NAME
IS THAT FOR A NUN?
WITH, UH, WHOM AM I SPEAKING?
SISTER QUARANTINE. STAY AWAY.
SHE'S THERE.
[typewriter clacking]
GOOD EVENING, SISTERS.
GOOD EVENING, REVEREND
MOTHER. REVEREND MOTHER.
WE MISSED YOU AT DINNER.
YES? WELL, I WILL GET
TO DINNER EVENTUALLY.
MISS STARR'S TYPING LEAVES
SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED.
AND, AS FOR HER FILING SYSTEM,
SHE IS REALLY RATHER
EXTRAORDINARY.
WE HAVE HERE "ACAPULCO DAWN."
AND, UH, OH YES, I
WAS, UH, DICTATING
A RATHER DETAILED
REPORT THIS AFTERNOON
ABOUT OUR BUDGET PROBLEMS,
AND IT APPEARS THAT MISS
STARR DOES NOT TAKE SHORTHAND,
SHE PARAPHRASES.
DEAR MOTHER HOUSE,
TELL THE BOYS IN ROME
OUR ROOF IS LEAKING
AND THE CUPBOARD IS BARE.
SHE DOES KIND OF CUT TO THE
HEART OF THINGS, DOESN'T SHE?
WE SIMPLY MUST GET MISS STARR
ANOTHER SITUATION QUICKLY.
BUT SHE SEEMS SO HAPPY HERE.
OH, SHE WILL BE DISAPPOINTED.
(Rev. Mother) I HAVE NOTHING
AGAINST MISS STARR PERSONALLY.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I
FIND HER RATHER ENDEARING.
BUT I SIMPLY CANNOT
HAVE MY LETTERS GOING OUT
WITH SUCH PHRASES AS:
"AS ONE MOTHER TO
ANOTHER, 'OH, BROTHER.'"
♪ [tango music playing]
[clapping in time]
MISS STARR, YOU HAVE A VISITOR.
YOUR BROTHER IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
I DON'T HAVE A BRO...
OH, YEAH, WELL GIVE HIM
A MESSAGE FOR ME, SISTER.
TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD.
[Al chuckling]
SHE ALWAYS WAS THE
FUNNY ONE IN THE FAMILY.
WHAT IS IT, AL?
I WANNA... I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU.
ARE YOU ALONE?
OF COURSE.
ARE YOU CLEAN?
OF COURSE!
RAISE 'EM, AL.
BOBBYE. RAISE 'EM, AL.
IT'S AN OLD FAMILY CUSTOM.
COME, COME, CHILDREN.
IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED. NO.
[kids groaning]
EVERYONE. YES, NOW.
COME ON, WE'LL HAVE ANOTHER
DANCING LESSON TOMORROW.
(Bobbye) COME ON.
[whispering] PEDRO.
[gasps]
PEDRO, IT'S NOT NICE
TO SPY ON PEOPLE.
BUT SISTER, I KNOW
THAT MAN'S FACE.
HE IS A BAD MAN.
OF COURSE.
HE IS DOCTOR FU MANCHU.
HE IS GOING TO
DESTROY THE WORLD.
BEDTIME, AGENT 007.
YOU WANTED TO TALK?
TALK.
COME ON, BABY.
IT'S TIME TO COME HOME.
I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU
WOULD REMEMBER THAT I AM
THE ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT
TO THE MOTHER SUPERIOR.
KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF.
BABY.
MISS STARR.
WHAT'S BUGGING YOU?
YOU DON'T VALUE ME.
THAT'S WHAT'S BUGGING ME.
2 MINK COATS? THAT
DON'T VALUE YOU, HUH?
AL, IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME,
YOU WOULD GET AN HONEST JOB.
AND YOU WOULD MARRY ME.
MARRY YOU?
AND YOU WOULD PACK MY LUNCH
PAIL EVERY MORNING. FAT CHANCE.
AH, COME ON. DON'T TELL ME YOU DON'T
LIKE THE DIAMONDS AND THE SKINS, HUH?
WELL,
I'D GIVE 'EM ALL UP FOR
A PLAIN BAND OF GOLD.
THIS PLACE IS REALLY
GETTING TO YOU.
COME ON HOME. NO!
NOT UNTIL I AM MRS. CAINE.
MRS. CAINE!
WELL, THEN YOU BETTER CHECK
INTO THE LIFETIME RATES HERE,
'CAUSE YOU WERE
RIGHT THIS AFTERNOON.
FROM HERE ON IN, YOU
ARE SISTER QUARANTINE.
AL.
♪ [playing piano]
[clattering]
B-6.
I GOT IT! B-6, I GOT IT.
GOOD EVENING.
SISTER. REVEREND MOTHER.
MISS STARR, I WOULD
LIKE TO ASK YOU,
ARE YOU REALLY A SECRETARY?
[sighing]
NO.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
WELL, UH,
LITTLE THINGS.
CAN I STAY TILL MORNING?
(Rev. Mother) OH, I HOPE YOU'LL
STAY AS LONG AS YOU WISH.
BUT I WOULD APPRECIATE
IT IF YOU WOULD...
STAY OUT OF THE OFFICE?
GOTCHA. THANK YOU, MISS STARR.
GOODNIGHT, SISTER.
MISS STARR. GOODNIGHT.
AH! BINGO.
BINGO!
YOU ARE GOING TO
STAY, AREN'T YOU?
[sighing] OH.
I DON'T THINK SO, SISTER HONEY.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
WELL, I'VE GOT WHAT THE
MOTHER SUPERIOR CALLS
A SITUATION I CAN GO BACK TO.
MR. CAINE?
OH,
IT'LL TAKE ABOUT A YEAR
AND A DAY TO EXPLAIN,
BUT I GUESS I'LL GO BACK.
OH, AL'S NOT SO BAD.
MAYBE ONE DAY HE
MIGHT EVEN MARRY ME.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
WHISTLING IN THE DARK, MISS STARR?
IF YOU GO BACK NOW,
YOU'RE MAKING IT EASY
FOR MR. CAINE TO
REMAIN A BACHELOR.
WHAT KIND OF A NUN
ARE YOU, ANYWAY?
A FEMALE ONE.
WELL, WHAT DO I DO?
HIT AL OVER THE HEAD
AND... AND DRAG HIM
TO THE LICENSE BUREAU?
I KNOW WHAT THE GIRLS
AT COLLEGE USED TO DO.
IF A FELLOW WAS... WAS
SLOW TO GET THE MESSAGE,
WELL, SHE'D FIND SOMEBODY
ELSE AND SHAKE HIM UP.
OH, FINE. I'LL USE, UH,
PEDRO OR TOMASO, THE GARDENER.
I'VE BEEN OUT OF CIRCULATION
A LONG TIME, SISTER.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
IF I TOLD YOU I KNEW
JUST THE GUY TO MAKE
MR. CAINE JEALOUS?
YOU?
YOU I'D BELIEVE.
SHAKE 'EM UP.
[clattering]
(Jacqueline) THE NEXT MORNING,
SISTER BERTRILLE SENT AN S.O.S.
TO HER FRIEND, SENOR RAMIREZ,
THE MOST DASHING
BACHELOR ON THE ISLAND.
AND... AND, CARLOS, I
KNOW YOU'LL LIKE HER,
BECAUSE SHE'S REALLY
A GREAT PERSON...
AND THIS IS WHY YOU
GOT ME OUT OF BED
AT 11:00 IN THE MORNING?
TO HELP SOME DESPERATE FEMALE
TRAP A HUSBAND? WELL, SHE'S NOT REALLY...
WELL, WHAT AM I TO YOU? A CLOWN?
A BUFFOON? WELL.
DO YOU REALLY THINK
I WANT TO PLAY THIS
HUMILIATING ROLE?
NOW, CARLOS, IT'S NOT...
GOOD MORNING, SISTER.
OH, GOOD MORNING, MISS STARR.
THIS IS THE LADY? MMM-HMM.
MISS STARR, ALLOW ME
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
CARLOS RAMIREZ,
CLOWN... AND BUFFOON.
IS THIS THE FELLA?
DO YOU LIVE AROUND HERE?
OH, I'M AN OLD AND DEVOTED
FRIEND OF THE CONVENT.
WELL, IT CERTAINLY
IS NICE OF YOU
TO HELP US WITH
OUR LITTLE, UH, CAPER.
(Carlos) MISS STARR, UH,
ALLOW ME TO QUOTE FROM OUR
BELOVED PUERTO RICAN POET,
DOMINGO J. DOMINGO.
LA PLUMA DE MI TIA
ESTA EN LA MESA.
(Carlos) ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
"GREAT LOVES FROM
LITTLE CAPERS GROW."
(Jacqueline) THE NEXT STEP
WAS TO ADVISE MR. CAINE
THAT HIS INTERESTS
WERE THREATENED.
SOMETHING SUBTLE AND
INDIRECT WAS CALLED FOR.
SHE'LL COME BACK.
SHE'LL COME CRAWLING BACK.
ONE OR 2 DAYS. I GIVE YOU ODDS.
[seagulls cawing]
LEO? LEO?
THEY SURE SKYWRITE
FUNNY DOWN HERE.
NO PLANE.
SURE IT'S A PLANE.
IT'S JUST HIGH UP, THAT'S ALL.
A CONVENT.
[laughing]
OF ALL PLACES TO
PICK, A CONVENT?
TIDDLYWINKS, DOMINOES.
HUH, THEY PROBABLY
DON'T SEE A GUY
FROM ONE YEAR TO THE
NEXT IN THOSE PLACES.
AL.
WHAT? WHAT?
♪ [playing Latino folk music]
[music stops]
[chattering]
♪ [playing Latino folk music]
[children yelling]
I THOUGHT I'D MAKE IT
AN INFORMAL AFTERNOON.
CARLOS, HONEY,
WELL, I THINK YOU'RE
OVERDOING IT A BIT.
YOU SEE, MY
GENTLEMEN FRIEND... OH.
[tsking]
ARE YOU GOING TO
SPOIL THE WHOLE THING
BY TALKING ABOUT
YOUR GENTLEMEN FRIEND?
WELL... HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN
THE WORDS OF THE POET
DOMINGO J. DOMINGO?
LA PLUMA DE MI TIA.
LA PLUMA DE MI TIA.
[murmuring] LA PLUMA DE MI TIA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'VE GOT A PEBBLE IN MY SHOE.
CARLOS, CAN WE GET OUT OF HERE?
[engine starting]
DO YOU THINK WE'D BE
BETRAYING A CONFIDENCE, SISTER?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S JUST THAT I
DON'T WANT TO SEE
MISS STARR FALL IN WITH
THE WRONG SORT OF PEOPLE.
YES. MMM-HMM. MMM-HMM.
SHE'S SUCH A
HELPLESS LITTLE BIRD.
[Rev. Mother and
Bertrille agreeing]
(Al) COME ON. COME ON, SISTER.
WHO IS HE?
WELL. [sighs]
UH, HIS NAME IS CARLOS RAMIREZ.
OH.
YES, HE'S A FABULOUSLY
WEALTHY PLAYBOY.
SOME PEOPLE, UH, THINK
HE'S QUITE HANDSOME.
YES. UH, BUT DON'T
WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.
HE'S USED TO WOMEN THROWING
THEMSELVES AT HIS FEET.
[chuckling] OH, YES.
OH. OH, REALLY?
UH, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY
IDEA WHERE THEY WENT?
(both) NO.
OOH, BUT SENOR RAMIREZ DOES KEEP
A LUXURIOUSLY
APPOINTED YACHT. YES.
THE CAPRICE... THE CAPRICE.
(Jacqueline) BERTHED
IN THE MARINA.
THANKS, SISTERS.
NOW I CAN SLEEP PEACEFULLY.
OH! LOOKS LIKE THERE'S
GOING TO BE A WEDDING.
I WONDER, SISTER.
NOW THAT WE'VE LIT A
FIRE UNDER MR. CAINE,
I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING ABOUT HIM I...
WELL, I DON'T WANT
TO USE THE WORD,
I THINK THAT HE'S... TOUGH.
OH, NOW, SISTER,
THAT ISN'T FAIR.
WE HARDLY KNOW HIM.
YOU CAN'T JUDGE A
BOOK BY ITS COVER.
SISTERS! SISTERS!
FINALLY I REMEMBER
WHERE I SAW THAT MAN.
WHERE, 007?
HE IS BIG ALBION CAINE,
THE TERROR OF CHICAGO.
[church bell rings]
HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I THOUGHT I SAW
THAT SKYWRITER AGAIN.
SKYWRITER!
IT IS NOT THE BEAUTY OUTSIDE
THAT BEWITCHES ME.
IT IS THE BEAUTY I
SEE IN YOUR SOUL.
OH! CARLOS.
NO ONE'S EVER NOTICED
THE REAL ME BEFORE.
(Bertrille) CARLOS!
CARLOS!
EXCUSE ME, MY LOVE.
[tapping at window]
(Bertrille) CARLOS!
[banging at door]
WHO IS IT?
NOTHING. JUST THE WIND.
[seagulls cawing]
♪ [romantic music
playing loudly]
IT'S LIKE A MIRACLE.
HUH?
[yelling] IT'S LIKE A
MIRACLE, OUR MEETING.
[softly] DO NOT QUESTION
THE FATES, MY LOVE.
HUH?
[yelling] DO NOT QUESTION
THE FATES, MY LOVE.
LA PLUMA DE MI TIA.
YES.
[yelling] WHAT?
[music stops]
OPEN UP, RAMIREZ.
IS THAT YOUR FRIEND? THAT'S HIM.
DON'T WORRY. I
WILL DEAL WITH HIM.
(Al) I'M GONNA COUNT TO 3.
CARLOS, I BETTER TELL
YOU WHO HE IS. ONE!
INTRODUCTIONS ARE
NOT NECESSARY. OH, YEAH.
YOU EVER HEAR OF BIG
AL CAINE FROM CHICAGO?
(Al) 2!
MR. VICIOUS? UH-HUH.
3! (Al) 3!
COME IN. WATCH YOUR HEAD.
WELCOME TO THE
CAPRICE, MR. VICIOUS.
I'LL WELCOME YOU, PLAYBOY.
OH, THERE'S BEEN A
TRAGIC MISUNDERSTANDING.
IS THAT WHY THE DOOR WAS LOCKED?
YES. NO!
NO, THERE WAS A DRAFT.
(Bobbye) DON'T LIE, CARLOS.
WE'RE NOT ASHAMED.
WE LOVE EACH OTHER.
WE WHAT? YOU WHAT?
I'M NOT JUST A
DECORATION TO HIM.
HE THINKS I HAVE
A BEAUTIFUL SOUL.
FOR THAT LINE ALONE,
YOU OUGHT TO BE SHOT.
MISS STARR, M-MAYBE WE...
WE SHOULD RECONSIDER.
BUT, CARLOS...
AFTER ALL, WE JUST
MET THIS MORNING.
BUT LA PLUMA DE MI TIA.
WHAT DOES YOUR AUNT'S
PEN HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
WHAT? PLAYBOY, BY THE TIME
I'M FINISHED WITH YOUR FACE,
[sirens wailing] YOUR MOTHER
WON'T RECOGNIZE YOU.
AL, THE COPS. DON'T
WORRY, CARLOS.
I'LL COME EVERYDAY TO
THE HOSPITAL. WHAT COPS?
THE COPS! COPS!
DUMB-DUMB! MR. VICIOUS!
YOU AND YOUR TEMPER.
THIS ISN'T GAMBLING,
THIS ISN'T RUNNING A BOOK,
THIS IS BIG TROUBLE AND
YOU'RE GOING TO GET LIFE.
DUMP THIS.
WHO? WHERE? SOMEWHERE.
IT'S NO USE, MR. CAINE.
I HAVE A WITNESS.
SHE SAW THE GUN.
SHE HEARD YOUR THREATS.
OF COURSE, A WIFE...
CANNOT TESTIFY
AGAINST HER HUSBAND.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WELL, SERGEANT,
WHAT STARTED OUT
AS A POSSIBLE HOMICIDE,
SEEMS TO HAVE TURNED
INTO A DEFINITE MATRIMONY.
WE'D BETTER HURRY IF
WE'RE TO BE BACK HERE
IN TIME FOR THE WEDDING. OK.
OH.
VERY FUNNY.
I WOULD HAVE SWORN I LEFT
THE TAILGATE OPEN. HMM.
HI. YOU LOOK LOVELY. OH.
OH, THANKS, SISTER HONEY.
LISTEN, UM, YOU
HAVEN'T BY ANY CHANCE
SEEN MY AFFIANCED
THIS MORNING, HAVE YOU?
NO. BUT ISN'T IT BAD
LUCK FOR THE BRIDE
TO SEE THE GROOM
BEFORE THE CEREMONY?
OH, IN THIS CASE, HONEY, I
THINK IT'S BAD LUCK IF I DON'T.
AL?
AL?
AL?
UH, SISTER,
DO YOU REALLY
THINK IT'S SAFE FOR US
TO CARRY A LIVE OCTOPUS
IN THE BACK, LIKE THAT?
(Jacqueline) WELL, HE
DOESN'T LOOK DANGEROUS.
HE'S JUST PLAYFUL. PLAYFUL.
A LIVE OCTOPUS? WHAT
KIND OF A CONVENT...
WELL, MR. CAINE.
GRACIOUS SAINTS!
OH, BOY.
(Jacqueline) ONCE A WEEK,
SISTER BERTRILLE AND I
GO TO THE WATERFRONT IN SAN JUAN
TO BUY FISH FOR THE CONVENT DINNER.
WE GO VERY EARLY IN THE MORNING,
TO GET THE PICK OF THE CATCH.
A FEW WEEKS AGO, WE BROUGHT
HOME MORE THAN WE BARGAINED FOR.
[seagulls cawing]
[lock creaking]
[door opening]
[groaning]
[spraying]
SISTER, DOES THE FISH SMELL
DIFFERENTLY TO YOU THIS MORNING?
YES, IT DOES.
SPOILED?
NO. KIND OF ROMANTIC.
[car engine starting]
BOBBYE?
BOBBYE?
YOU SEE HER? WHO?
MISS BRIGHT EYES. SHE'S GONE.
MAYBE SHE WENT FOR A WALK.
WHAT, AT THIS TIME
OF THE MORNING?
SHE TOOK THE ICE AND
THE SKINS WITH HER.
SHE COULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN VERY FAR.
YOU SEE ANY CABS? NO.
HEY, I DID SEE A STATION WAGON.
A PURPLE STATION
WAGON, RIGHT OVER THERE.
HUH, A SET-UP.
I'LL BREAK HER
LITTLE... AW, EASY, AL.
WE DON'T WANT ANY
TROUBLE WITH THE COPS.
THERE WON'T BE ANY TROUBLE.
WHOEVER OWNS THAT
PURPLE STATION WAGON
JUST BETTER GET USED TO PARKING
IT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WATER.
[vehicle approaching]
[brakes squealing]
(Jacqueline) WHEN WE GOT
BACK TO THE CONVENT,
WE STILL HADN'T
DISCOVERED OUR STOWAWAY.
[exclaiming]
OH, BE... BE
CAREFUL, SISTER. OH!
[sneezing] OH! IT'S ALIVE.
OH, WE BETTER GET HELP.
(woman) WAIT A
MINUTE. I DIDN'T MEAN
TO SCARE ANYBO...
NUNS!
UH, WHERE AM I? SOME
KIND OF HOSPITAL?
WELL, THIS IS THE... THE
CONVENT SAN TANCO.
A CONVENT!
YES. THIS IS SISTER MINK... UH,
JACQUELINE. I'M SISTER BERTRILLE.
OOH, I'M BOBBYE STARR.
UH, THAT-THAT'S B-O-B-B-Y-E.
WELL, THAT'S A... A VERY RISKY
WAY TO TRAVEL, MISS STARR.
Y-YOU ALMOST ENDED
UP IN OUR BOUILLABAISSE.
TELL ME SOMETHING,
SISTERS, DO YOU STILL GIVE
REFUGE IN THESE PLACES?
OH, ARE YOU IN
TROUBLE, MISS STARR?
TROUBLE? UH, NO, NO, WHAT...
I... I JUST QUIT MY
JOB THIS MORNING,
AND I WOULD LIKE TO AVOID THE
GENTLEMAN THAT EMPLOYED ME.
HE HAS SOME VERY STRANGE
IDEAS ABOUT LOYALTY.
WELL, WHAT KIND
OF WORK DID YOU DO?
I WAS A SECRETARY.
A PRIVATE SECRETARY.
GEE, YOU MUST HAVE
BEEN AWFULLY GOOD AT IT?
OH! OH, DON'T LET
THESE FOOL YOU.
RIGHT NOW MY CASH ASSETS
AMOUNT TO A FAST 42 CENTS.
WHAT ABOUT IT? CAN
YOU GIVE ME A CELL?
OH, WELL, WE CALL THEM
BEDROOMS THIS CENTURY, MISS STARR.
THE REVEREND MOTHER COULD
PROBABLY USE SOME HELP IN THE OFFICE.
OH, YES. SISTER ANA,
THAT'S THE MOTHER
SUPERIOR'S SECRETARY, SHE'S ILL.
THEN I'M HER GIRL.
(Jacqueline) REVEREND MOTHER
THOUGHT IT WAS A BLESSING TO HAVE
AN EXPERIENCED SECRETARY
APPEAR FROM OUT OF THE BLUE.
THEN SHE MET MISS STARR.
REVEREND MOTHER, THIS
IS MISS BOBBYE STARR.
B-O-B-B-Y-E.
MISS STARR.
A PLEASURE, I'M SURE.
PLEASE, DO GET UP, MISS STARR.
SISTER JACQUELINE
TELLS ME THAT YOU ARE
AN EXPERIENCED SECRETARY.
UH, CAN YOU TELL ME, UH,
HOW WELL YOU TAKE DICTATION?
I DON'T KNOW. I'VE ALWAYS
LIVED IN A DEMOCRACY.
THE DOORS OF SAN TANCO
ARE ALWAYS OPEN, MISS STARR.
HOWEVER, WE WOULD
HAVE TO LOOK ON THIS
AS A TEMPORARY ARRANGEMENT.
YEAH. UNTIL SISTER
ANA GETS BETTER?
YES. AND, UH, UNTIL YOU'VE
FOUND A MORE SUITABLE SITUATION.
AND NOW, UH, SISTER JACQUELINE
WILL SHOW YOU TO OUR GUEST ROOM.
OH, GEE, I FEEL LIKE ONE
OF THE GIRLS ALREADY.
UH, MISS STARR? WHO WAS
YOUR FORMER EMPLOYER?
UH, MR. CAINE.
(Rev. Mother) MR. CAINE?
MR. ALBION CAINE.
THE NAME DOES NOT
STRIKE A FAMILIAR NOTE.
WHAT LINE OF BUSINESS IS HE IN?
MR. CAINE?
HE DEALS IN A SERVICE.
[bicycle bell ringing]
THAT IT?
(Leo) THAT'S IT.
BRING THE FUNNY STICKS.
WHO DO YOU THINK
IT IS? THE SYNDICATE?
[exclaiming]
DIRTY POOL, MAN.
DIRTY POOL.
[taps]
OH, THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
MISS STARR, THESE ARE TO BE
FILED IN THE CABINET OVER HERE.
GOT YOU, REVEREND MOTHER, HONEY.
MISS STARR, "REVEREND
MOTHER" WILL BE SUFFICIENT.
UH, WHAT IS THAT, UH,
FRAGRANCE YOU USE?
OH!
"ACAPULCO DAWN." LIKE IT?
IT'S, UH, IT'S VERY ARRESTING.
[whispering] GO AHEAD, USE SOME.
WELL, THANK YOU, BUT, UH,
[whispering] NO THANKS.
[phone rings]
CONVENT SAN TANCO.
GOD BLESS YOU.
IS, UH, BOBBYE STARR THERE?
BOBBYE STARR? WHAT KIND OF NAME
IS THAT FOR A NUN?
WITH, UH, WHOM AM I SPEAKING?
SISTER QUARANTINE. STAY AWAY.
SHE'S THERE.
[typewriter clacking]
GOOD EVENING, SISTERS.
GOOD EVENING, REVEREND
MOTHER. REVEREND MOTHER.
WE MISSED YOU AT DINNER.
YES? WELL, I WILL GET
TO DINNER EVENTUALLY.
MISS STARR'S TYPING LEAVES
SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED.
AND, AS FOR HER FILING SYSTEM,
SHE IS REALLY RATHER
EXTRAORDINARY.
WE HAVE HERE "ACAPULCO DAWN."
AND, UH, OH YES, I
WAS, UH, DICTATING
A RATHER DETAILED
REPORT THIS AFTERNOON
ABOUT OUR BUDGET PROBLEMS,
AND IT APPEARS THAT MISS
STARR DOES NOT TAKE SHORTHAND,
SHE PARAPHRASES.
DEAR MOTHER HOUSE,
TELL THE BOYS IN ROME
OUR ROOF IS LEAKING
AND THE CUPBOARD IS BARE.
SHE DOES KIND OF CUT TO THE
HEART OF THINGS, DOESN'T SHE?
WE SIMPLY MUST GET MISS STARR
ANOTHER SITUATION QUICKLY.
BUT SHE SEEMS SO HAPPY HERE.
OH, SHE WILL BE DISAPPOINTED.
(Rev. Mother) I HAVE NOTHING
AGAINST MISS STARR PERSONALLY.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I
FIND HER RATHER ENDEARING.
BUT I SIMPLY CANNOT
HAVE MY LETTERS GOING OUT
WITH SUCH PHRASES AS:
"AS ONE MOTHER TO
ANOTHER, 'OH, BROTHER.'"
♪ [tango music playing]
[clapping in time]
MISS STARR, YOU HAVE A VISITOR.
YOUR BROTHER IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
I DON'T HAVE A BRO...
OH, YEAH, WELL GIVE HIM
A MESSAGE FOR ME, SISTER.
TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD.
[Al chuckling]
SHE ALWAYS WAS THE
FUNNY ONE IN THE FAMILY.
WHAT IS IT, AL?
I WANNA... I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU.
ARE YOU ALONE?
OF COURSE.
ARE YOU CLEAN?
OF COURSE!
RAISE 'EM, AL.
BOBBYE. RAISE 'EM, AL.
IT'S AN OLD FAMILY CUSTOM.
COME, COME, CHILDREN.
IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED. NO.
[kids groaning]
EVERYONE. YES, NOW.
COME ON, WE'LL HAVE ANOTHER
DANCING LESSON TOMORROW.
(Bobbye) COME ON.
[whispering] PEDRO.
[gasps]
PEDRO, IT'S NOT NICE
TO SPY ON PEOPLE.
BUT SISTER, I KNOW
THAT MAN'S FACE.
HE IS A BAD MAN.
OF COURSE.
HE IS DOCTOR FU MANCHU.
HE IS GOING TO
DESTROY THE WORLD.
BEDTIME, AGENT 007.
YOU WANTED TO TALK?
TALK.
COME ON, BABY.
IT'S TIME TO COME HOME.
I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU
WOULD REMEMBER THAT I AM
THE ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT
TO THE MOTHER SUPERIOR.
KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF.
BABY.
MISS STARR.
WHAT'S BUGGING YOU?
YOU DON'T VALUE ME.
THAT'S WHAT'S BUGGING ME.
2 MINK COATS? THAT
DON'T VALUE YOU, HUH?
AL, IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME,
YOU WOULD GET AN HONEST JOB.
AND YOU WOULD MARRY ME.
MARRY YOU?
AND YOU WOULD PACK MY LUNCH
PAIL EVERY MORNING. FAT CHANCE.
AH, COME ON. DON'T TELL ME YOU DON'T
LIKE THE DIAMONDS AND THE SKINS, HUH?
WELL,
I'D GIVE 'EM ALL UP FOR
A PLAIN BAND OF GOLD.
THIS PLACE IS REALLY
GETTING TO YOU.
COME ON HOME. NO!
NOT UNTIL I AM MRS. CAINE.
MRS. CAINE!
WELL, THEN YOU BETTER CHECK
INTO THE LIFETIME RATES HERE,
'CAUSE YOU WERE
RIGHT THIS AFTERNOON.
FROM HERE ON IN, YOU
ARE SISTER QUARANTINE.
AL.
♪ [playing piano]
[clattering]
B-6.
I GOT IT! B-6, I GOT IT.
GOOD EVENING.
SISTER. REVEREND MOTHER.
MISS STARR, I WOULD
LIKE TO ASK YOU,
ARE YOU REALLY A SECRETARY?
[sighing]
NO.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
WELL, UH,
LITTLE THINGS.
CAN I STAY TILL MORNING?
(Rev. Mother) OH, I HOPE YOU'LL
STAY AS LONG AS YOU WISH.
BUT I WOULD APPRECIATE
IT IF YOU WOULD...
STAY OUT OF THE OFFICE?
GOTCHA. THANK YOU, MISS STARR.
GOODNIGHT, SISTER.
MISS STARR. GOODNIGHT.
AH! BINGO.
BINGO!
YOU ARE GOING TO
STAY, AREN'T YOU?
[sighing] OH.
I DON'T THINK SO, SISTER HONEY.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
WELL, I'VE GOT WHAT THE
MOTHER SUPERIOR CALLS
A SITUATION I CAN GO BACK TO.
MR. CAINE?
OH,
IT'LL TAKE ABOUT A YEAR
AND A DAY TO EXPLAIN,
BUT I GUESS I'LL GO BACK.
OH, AL'S NOT SO BAD.
MAYBE ONE DAY HE
MIGHT EVEN MARRY ME.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
WHISTLING IN THE DARK, MISS STARR?
IF YOU GO BACK NOW,
YOU'RE MAKING IT EASY
FOR MR. CAINE TO
REMAIN A BACHELOR.
WHAT KIND OF A NUN
ARE YOU, ANYWAY?
A FEMALE ONE.
WELL, WHAT DO I DO?
HIT AL OVER THE HEAD
AND... AND DRAG HIM
TO THE LICENSE BUREAU?
I KNOW WHAT THE GIRLS
AT COLLEGE USED TO DO.
IF A FELLOW WAS... WAS
SLOW TO GET THE MESSAGE,
WELL, SHE'D FIND SOMEBODY
ELSE AND SHAKE HIM UP.
OH, FINE. I'LL USE, UH,
PEDRO OR TOMASO, THE GARDENER.
I'VE BEEN OUT OF CIRCULATION
A LONG TIME, SISTER.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
IF I TOLD YOU I KNEW
JUST THE GUY TO MAKE
MR. CAINE JEALOUS?
YOU?
YOU I'D BELIEVE.
SHAKE 'EM UP.
[clattering]
(Jacqueline) THE NEXT MORNING,
SISTER BERTRILLE SENT AN S.O.S.
TO HER FRIEND, SENOR RAMIREZ,
THE MOST DASHING
BACHELOR ON THE ISLAND.
AND... AND, CARLOS, I
KNOW YOU'LL LIKE HER,
BECAUSE SHE'S REALLY
A GREAT PERSON...
AND THIS IS WHY YOU
GOT ME OUT OF BED
AT 11:00 IN THE MORNING?
TO HELP SOME DESPERATE FEMALE
TRAP A HUSBAND? WELL, SHE'S NOT REALLY...
WELL, WHAT AM I TO YOU? A CLOWN?
A BUFFOON? WELL.
DO YOU REALLY THINK
I WANT TO PLAY THIS
HUMILIATING ROLE?
NOW, CARLOS, IT'S NOT...
GOOD MORNING, SISTER.
OH, GOOD MORNING, MISS STARR.
THIS IS THE LADY? MMM-HMM.
MISS STARR, ALLOW ME
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
CARLOS RAMIREZ,
CLOWN... AND BUFFOON.
IS THIS THE FELLA?
DO YOU LIVE AROUND HERE?
OH, I'M AN OLD AND DEVOTED
FRIEND OF THE CONVENT.
WELL, IT CERTAINLY
IS NICE OF YOU
TO HELP US WITH
OUR LITTLE, UH, CAPER.
(Carlos) MISS STARR, UH,
ALLOW ME TO QUOTE FROM OUR
BELOVED PUERTO RICAN POET,
DOMINGO J. DOMINGO.
LA PLUMA DE MI TIA
ESTA EN LA MESA.
(Carlos) ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
"GREAT LOVES FROM
LITTLE CAPERS GROW."
(Jacqueline) THE NEXT STEP
WAS TO ADVISE MR. CAINE
THAT HIS INTERESTS
WERE THREATENED.
SOMETHING SUBTLE AND
INDIRECT WAS CALLED FOR.
SHE'LL COME BACK.
SHE'LL COME CRAWLING BACK.
ONE OR 2 DAYS. I GIVE YOU ODDS.
[seagulls cawing]
LEO? LEO?
THEY SURE SKYWRITE
FUNNY DOWN HERE.
NO PLANE.
SURE IT'S A PLANE.
IT'S JUST HIGH UP, THAT'S ALL.
A CONVENT.
[laughing]
OF ALL PLACES TO
PICK, A CONVENT?
TIDDLYWINKS, DOMINOES.
HUH, THEY PROBABLY
DON'T SEE A GUY
FROM ONE YEAR TO THE
NEXT IN THOSE PLACES.
AL.
WHAT? WHAT?
♪ [playing Latino folk music]
[music stops]
[chattering]
♪ [playing Latino folk music]
[children yelling]
I THOUGHT I'D MAKE IT
AN INFORMAL AFTERNOON.
CARLOS, HONEY,
WELL, I THINK YOU'RE
OVERDOING IT A BIT.
YOU SEE, MY
GENTLEMEN FRIEND... OH.
[tsking]
ARE YOU GOING TO
SPOIL THE WHOLE THING
BY TALKING ABOUT
YOUR GENTLEMEN FRIEND?
WELL... HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN
THE WORDS OF THE POET
DOMINGO J. DOMINGO?
LA PLUMA DE MI TIA.
LA PLUMA DE MI TIA.
[murmuring] LA PLUMA DE MI TIA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'VE GOT A PEBBLE IN MY SHOE.
CARLOS, CAN WE GET OUT OF HERE?
[engine starting]
DO YOU THINK WE'D BE
BETRAYING A CONFIDENCE, SISTER?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S JUST THAT I
DON'T WANT TO SEE
MISS STARR FALL IN WITH
THE WRONG SORT OF PEOPLE.
YES. MMM-HMM. MMM-HMM.
SHE'S SUCH A
HELPLESS LITTLE BIRD.
[Rev. Mother and
Bertrille agreeing]
(Al) COME ON. COME ON, SISTER.
WHO IS HE?
WELL. [sighs]
UH, HIS NAME IS CARLOS RAMIREZ.
OH.
YES, HE'S A FABULOUSLY
WEALTHY PLAYBOY.
SOME PEOPLE, UH, THINK
HE'S QUITE HANDSOME.
YES. UH, BUT DON'T
WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.
HE'S USED TO WOMEN THROWING
THEMSELVES AT HIS FEET.
[chuckling] OH, YES.
OH. OH, REALLY?
UH, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY
IDEA WHERE THEY WENT?
(both) NO.
OOH, BUT SENOR RAMIREZ DOES KEEP
A LUXURIOUSLY
APPOINTED YACHT. YES.
THE CAPRICE... THE CAPRICE.
(Jacqueline) BERTHED
IN THE MARINA.
THANKS, SISTERS.
NOW I CAN SLEEP PEACEFULLY.
OH! LOOKS LIKE THERE'S
GOING TO BE A WEDDING.
I WONDER, SISTER.
NOW THAT WE'VE LIT A
FIRE UNDER MR. CAINE,
I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING ABOUT HIM I...
WELL, I DON'T WANT
TO USE THE WORD,
I THINK THAT HE'S... TOUGH.
OH, NOW, SISTER,
THAT ISN'T FAIR.
WE HARDLY KNOW HIM.
YOU CAN'T JUDGE A
BOOK BY ITS COVER.
SISTERS! SISTERS!
FINALLY I REMEMBER
WHERE I SAW THAT MAN.
WHERE, 007?
HE IS BIG ALBION CAINE,
THE TERROR OF CHICAGO.
[church bell rings]
HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I THOUGHT I SAW
THAT SKYWRITER AGAIN.
SKYWRITER!
IT IS NOT THE BEAUTY OUTSIDE
THAT BEWITCHES ME.
IT IS THE BEAUTY I
SEE IN YOUR SOUL.
OH! CARLOS.
NO ONE'S EVER NOTICED
THE REAL ME BEFORE.
(Bertrille) CARLOS!
CARLOS!
EXCUSE ME, MY LOVE.
[tapping at window]
(Bertrille) CARLOS!
[banging at door]
WHO IS IT?
NOTHING. JUST THE WIND.
[seagulls cawing]
♪ [romantic music
playing loudly]
IT'S LIKE A MIRACLE.
HUH?
[yelling] IT'S LIKE A
MIRACLE, OUR MEETING.
[softly] DO NOT QUESTION
THE FATES, MY LOVE.
HUH?
[yelling] DO NOT QUESTION
THE FATES, MY LOVE.
LA PLUMA DE MI TIA.
YES.
[yelling] WHAT?
[music stops]
OPEN UP, RAMIREZ.
IS THAT YOUR FRIEND? THAT'S HIM.
DON'T WORRY. I
WILL DEAL WITH HIM.
(Al) I'M GONNA COUNT TO 3.
CARLOS, I BETTER TELL
YOU WHO HE IS. ONE!
INTRODUCTIONS ARE
NOT NECESSARY. OH, YEAH.
YOU EVER HEAR OF BIG
AL CAINE FROM CHICAGO?
(Al) 2!
MR. VICIOUS? UH-HUH.
3! (Al) 3!
COME IN. WATCH YOUR HEAD.
WELCOME TO THE
CAPRICE, MR. VICIOUS.
I'LL WELCOME YOU, PLAYBOY.
OH, THERE'S BEEN A
TRAGIC MISUNDERSTANDING.
IS THAT WHY THE DOOR WAS LOCKED?
YES. NO!
NO, THERE WAS A DRAFT.
(Bobbye) DON'T LIE, CARLOS.
WE'RE NOT ASHAMED.
WE LOVE EACH OTHER.
WE WHAT? YOU WHAT?
I'M NOT JUST A
DECORATION TO HIM.
HE THINKS I HAVE
A BEAUTIFUL SOUL.
FOR THAT LINE ALONE,
YOU OUGHT TO BE SHOT.
MISS STARR, M-MAYBE WE...
WE SHOULD RECONSIDER.
BUT, CARLOS...
AFTER ALL, WE JUST
MET THIS MORNING.
BUT LA PLUMA DE MI TIA.
WHAT DOES YOUR AUNT'S
PEN HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
WHAT? PLAYBOY, BY THE TIME
I'M FINISHED WITH YOUR FACE,
[sirens wailing] YOUR MOTHER
WON'T RECOGNIZE YOU.
AL, THE COPS. DON'T
WORRY, CARLOS.
I'LL COME EVERYDAY TO
THE HOSPITAL. WHAT COPS?
THE COPS! COPS!
DUMB-DUMB! MR. VICIOUS!
YOU AND YOUR TEMPER.
THIS ISN'T GAMBLING,
THIS ISN'T RUNNING A BOOK,
THIS IS BIG TROUBLE AND
YOU'RE GOING TO GET LIFE.
DUMP THIS.
WHO? WHERE? SOMEWHERE.
IT'S NO USE, MR. CAINE.
I HAVE A WITNESS.
SHE SAW THE GUN.
SHE HEARD YOUR THREATS.
OF COURSE, A WIFE...
CANNOT TESTIFY
AGAINST HER HUSBAND.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WELL, SERGEANT,
WHAT STARTED OUT
AS A POSSIBLE HOMICIDE,
SEEMS TO HAVE TURNED
INTO A DEFINITE MATRIMONY.
WE'D BETTER HURRY IF
WE'RE TO BE BACK HERE
IN TIME FOR THE WEDDING. OK.
OH.
VERY FUNNY.
I WOULD HAVE SWORN I LEFT
THE TAILGATE OPEN. HMM.
HI. YOU LOOK LOVELY. OH.
OH, THANKS, SISTER HONEY.
LISTEN, UM, YOU
HAVEN'T BY ANY CHANCE
SEEN MY AFFIANCED
THIS MORNING, HAVE YOU?
NO. BUT ISN'T IT BAD
LUCK FOR THE BRIDE
TO SEE THE GROOM
BEFORE THE CEREMONY?
OH, IN THIS CASE, HONEY, I
THINK IT'S BAD LUCK IF I DON'T.
AL?
AL?
AL?
UH, SISTER,
DO YOU REALLY
THINK IT'S SAFE FOR US
TO CARRY A LIVE OCTOPUS
IN THE BACK, LIKE THAT?
(Jacqueline) WELL, HE
DOESN'T LOOK DANGEROUS.
HE'S JUST PLAYFUL. PLAYFUL.
A LIVE OCTOPUS? WHAT
KIND OF A CONVENT...
WELL, MR. CAINE.
GRACIOUS SAINTS!
OH, BOY.