The Flying Nun (1967–1970): Season 1, Episode 27 - The Puce Albert - full transcript
Carlos Ramirez is doing his mandatory 2-week active duty with the marine corps, and is stationed on a small remote island near San Juan. His battalion is scheduled to do large-scaled battle maneuvers, and Sister Bertrille is watching over him from afar, but Carlos doesn't initially need any help as he is coping just fine with a large stash of libations, gourmet food and female companions transported to the island via his yacht. His commanding officer, Captain Daniel J. "Do-or-Die" Dolger, finally catches up with Carlos' ant-military ways. The captain threatens to make life miserable for Carlos not only for the 2-weeks but well beyond. Carlos learns that the captain and the Reverend Mother are old friends, actually cousins, so Carlos sends message via Ginger - one of his female companions - to Sister Bertrille to come to the island on an emergency. When the Reverend Mother learns that it's her cousin that is the cause of Carlos' emergency, she tries to call her cousin, but cannot get through the Red Alert the island is under at the start of the maneuvers, and thus does send Sister Bertrille to at least investigate what's going on. Sister Bertrille does manage to make it through the Red Alert and to speak to Carlos, who wants the Reverend Mother to intercede on his behalf with her cousin. Since the Reverend Mother has already tried via telephone, Carlos suggests to Sister Bertrille that she fly a letter back to the island from the Reverend Mother to the captain. The captain catches Sister Bertrille on the island before she can do so. After she tells the captain she flew there, he tries to confirm the story with the Reverend Mother, who does confirm Sister Bertrille's story. He first thinks that they are all working for the enemy until the Reverend Mother convinces him otherwise. But the cousins get into a war of words and a war of control over their respective charges. When the captain returns to the island, he does ask the sister to demonstrate her abilities, she unable to do so due to the lack of wind. Just at that moment, the enemy is ready to attack. As the military men go back to their maneuvers, the wind picks up and Sister Bertrille makes it off the island. Sister Betrille reports back to Carlos that the ships they see off the island are only decoys and the real attack is approaching from the other side of the island. When Carlos tells Captain Dolger the information as well as its source, the captain does not believe him. The captain finally takes Carlos' advice when he sees an airborne Sister Bertrille. Because of the information, they win the maneuvers, and Captain Dolger, Carlos and Sister Bertrille are all heroes.
[barking]
(Jacqueline) WHEN HER GOOD
FRIEND, CARLOS RAMIREZ,
WENT ON 2 WEEKS ACTIVE DUTY
WITH MARINE CORPS RESERVE,
SISTER BERTRILLE DID
EVERYTHING SHE COULD
TO MAKE HIS SERVICE
MORE TOLERABLE.
PRIVATE RAMIREZ WAS STATIONED ON A
SMALL ISLAND, NOT FAR FROM SAN JUAN.
SISTER BERTRILLE KNEW THAT
HIS PALATE WOULD NOT TAKE KINDLY
TO A STEADY DIET
OF FIELD RATIONS.
SISTER BERTRILLE WROTE SENOR
RAMIREZ A LETTER EVERY NIGHT.
SHE DIDN'T WANT HIM
TO FEEL O-OUT OF TOUCH.
SENOR RAMIREZ'S UNIT
WAS SCHEDULED TO TAKE PART IN
LARGE SCALE BATTLE MANEUVERS.
SISTER BERTRILLE WATCHED THE
NEWSPAPERS AVIDLY FOR SOME SIGN
THAT THE MANEUVERS HAD BEGUN.
IF YOU'RE ON GUARD DUTY, SHOULDN'T
YOU BE GUARDING SOMETHING?
OH, NO.
THESE ARE JUST GAMES.
EVEN WHEN THE BATTLE STARTS,
IT WOULDN'T BE A REAL ONE.
I'D STILL HATE TO SEE YOU
GET INTO ANY TROUBLE, CARLOS.
TROUBLE?
THE COMMANDING
OFFICER IS TERRIFIED OF ME.
HE KNOWS A REAL
MAN WHEN HE SEES ONE.
RAMIREZ.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WELL, UH, UM, WE
HAVE WAR GAME, SIR.
I'M PLAYING.
YOU CIVILIAN.
YOU 2-WEEK HERO.
YOU THINK THESE MANEUVERS
ARE SOME KIND OF JOKE?
OH, NO, SIR, I DON'T.
UH, I'M DEDICATED.
YOUNG LADY, HOW DID
YOU GET ON THIS ISLAND?
HIS YACHT.
HIS YACHT?
IT'S ONLY ONE THING I HATE MORE
THAN A CIVILIAN, A RICH CIVILIAN.
WELL, IT'S JUST A LITTLE YACHT.
WILLIS. SIR.
HOW COULD YOU GET A BOAT
THROUGH OUR SECURITY?
THIS ISLAND'S SUPPOSED
TO BE ON RED ALERT.
WELL, WE ARE NOT
ON RED ALERT YET, SIR.
WELL, PUT US ON! YES, SIR.
AS FOR YOU PLAYBOY,
YOU MAY HAVE THOUGHT, YOU
ARE ONLY ON 2 WEEKS' ACTIVE DUTY.
YEAH, I THOUGHT I WAS.
BUT YOU'VE JUST BECOME A
CAREER MAN. WELL, I DON'T WANT TO.
BY THE TIME I'M
FINISHED WITH YOU,
YOU'LL BE IN THE CORPS 20 YEARS.
20 YEARS? I'VE... IN
THE BRIG! YES, SIR.
(Jacqueline) WHILE PRIVATE
RAMIREZ AWAITED COURT MARTIAL,
HE WAS PUT ON A WORK DETAIL.
IT INCLUDED, AMONG OTHER THINGS,
POLISHING CAPTAIN
DOLGER'S BOOTS.
THE OLD MAN LIKED THE WAY
YOU PEELED THE POTATOES.
YOU MEAN THE DAISIES? YES.
TONIGHT HE WANTS YOU
TO SHAPE 'EM LIKE ROSES.
I'LL DO MY BEST.
"REVEREND MOTHER
PLACIDO, CONVENT SAN TANCO."
CAPTAIN DOLGER KNOWS
REVEREND MOTHER.
YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL
OR YOU'RE GONNA GET ANOTHER
20 YEARS FOR READING HIS MAIL.
JUST A MOMENT,
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
DOES HE KNOW MOTHER PLACIDO?
HMM. TALKS ABOUT
HER ALL THE TIME.
SHE AND, UH,
BISMARK ARE HIS IDOLS.
TELL ME ONE THING.
HOW MUCH IS IT WORTH TO YOU TO
MAKE ONE BRIEF RADIO CALL FOR ME?
MY STRIPES.
YOU'RE GOING... FORGET IT.
WE ARE ON RED ALERT.
YOU COULDN'T GET A COUGH
THROUGH THIS SECURITY SCREEN.
YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
LIEUTENANT WILLIS, COULD
I PLEASE SEE CARLOS?
NO, I'M SORRY, BUT IT'S
AGAINST REGULATIONS.
JUST FOR A SECOND?
PLEASE, LIEUTENANT, BEFORE
SHE GOES, ONE LITTLE KISS.
WELL, IT'S AGAINST REGULATIONS.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
OH, CARLOS, I'M GONNA
MISS YOU SO MUCH.
OH, DON'T WORRY, BABY.
MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I HAVE BUT
ONE LIFE TO GIVE FOR MY COUNTRY.
[whispering] GO TO
CONVENT SAN TANCO,
TELL SISTER BERTRILLE SHE
MUST COME HERE IMMEDIATELY.
HOW? HOW WILL SHE GET
THROUGH THE RED ALERT?
DON'T QUESTION THE MYSTERIES
OF THE CHURCH, MY LOVE.
HONESTLY, REVEREND MOTHER,
CARLOS WOULDN'T HAVE SENT FOR ME,
NOT ME, UNLESS HE
REALLY NEEDED ME.
SENOR RAMIREZ IS A GROWN MAN.
HE IS PERFECTLY CAPABLE
OF TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF.
SISTER BERTRILLE,
WE CANNOT INTERFERE
IN THE AFFAIRS OF
THE MARINE CORPS.
BUT REVEREND MOTHER,
GINGER SAID THAT
THAT CAPTAIN DOLGER IS GOING
TO COURT-MARTIAL CARLOS.
CAPTAIN DOLGER?
CAPTAIN DANIEL "GUNG
HO DO-OR-DIE" DOLGER?
YOU KNOW HIM?
YES, I KNOW HIM.
IN FACT, HE'S MY COUSIN.
AND COUSIN DANIEL TAKES HIS
RESPONSIBILITIES VERY SERIOUSLY.
SISTER BERTRILLE, I
THINK WE HAD BEST
PRAY VERY EARNESTLY
FOR SENOR RAMIREZ.
YES, OPERATOR. I... I
AM TRYING TO REACH
CAPTAIN DANIEL GUNG...
J. DOLGER.
THE 112TH MARINE DETACHMENT.
YES, YES. THEY'RE ON MANEUVERS.
NO, I HAVE NOT. AS YOU
PUT IT, "LOST MY MARBLES."
I AM SIMPLY TRYING TO REACH
CAPTAIN DANIEL J. DOLGER.
[man chattering on phone]
YOUNG MAN,
NO MATTER WHAT
COLOR ALERT YOU ARE ON,
THAT IS NO WAY
TO TALK TO A LADY.
GOOD DAY.
SISTER BERTRILLE, PERHAPS YOU
HAD BEST FLY OVER TO THE ISLAND,
AT LEAST TO INVESTIGATE.
RIGHT!
REVEREND MOTHER.
(Dolger) RAMIREZ.
GO AHEAD.
MALINGER, IT'LL BRING THE CHARGES
AGAINST YOU TO AN EVEN DOZEN.
WHAT IS IT, WILLIS?
UH, UNIDENTIFIED OBJECT
APPROACHING ON THE RADAR, SIR.
OH, IT'S NOTHING BUT A PELICAN.
LET ME SEE THOSE.
MAN IN THE FIRING
POSITIONS! SIR?
A PELICAN? THEY CERTAINLY
BAMBOOZLED YOU, WILLIS.
IT'S ONE OF OUR NEW MISSILES.
MAN THE FIRING POSITIONS!
[men chattering]
NOW THIS IS IT, MEN. "FORCE X."
FIRST WAVE OF THE AGGRESSORS.
I KNOW THAT YOU'LL MAKE
ME PROUD OF YOU TODAY.
SIR, THAT IS A POOR,
HELPLESS PELICAN.
I'M AN ANIMAL LOVER.
OH, DON'T WORRY. WE DON'T USE
LIVE AMMUNITION. WE USE FLOUR.
BUT YOU CAN BRUSH THAT OFF.
HOW DO WE KNOW THEY ARE HIT?
THE HONOR SYSTEM.
COORDINATES, 4 MINUTES,
33 SECONDS, NORTH.
53 MINUTES, 9 SECONDS, EAST.
FIRE 3.
IT SEEMS TO BE RETREATING, SIR.
[explosions]
(Bertrille) CARLOS!
CARLOS!
OH.
SISTER, AR-ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
OH, YES. EXCEPT FOR A FEW
SCRATCHES ON THE FUSELAGE.
ARE YOU SURE THOSE
ARE JUST GAMES?
WITH CAPTAIN DOLGER,
NOTHING IS A GAME.
COME HERE, SISTER.
I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU
BEFORE THEY GET BACK.
PLEASE SIT DOWN.
NOW, SISTER,
I'M NOT ONE TO TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF A FRIENDSHIP,
BUT I HAVE BEEN GENEROUS
WITH THE CONVENT, RIGHT?
OH, YOU SURE HAVE, CARLOS.
THERE WAS THAT ACRE OF LAND THAT...
AN ACRE AND A HALF, AND A
PLAYGROUND. NOW, WHO KEEPS COUNT?
NOW THE POINT IS, REVEREND
MOTHER SHOULD DO ME A FAVOR.
THIS CAPTAIN DOLGER,
HE'S GOING TO DRAW
AND QUARTER ME.
WHAT DID YOU DO? NOTHING.
WELL, IT WAS A LITTLE
MISUNDERSTANDING ABOUT VISITING HOURS.
NOW REVEREND MOTHER HAS
GREAT INFLUENCE ON CAPTAIN DOLGER.
YOU HAVE TO PERSUADE
HER TO INTERCEDE FOR ME.
OH, CARLOS, I-I'M SURE SHE
WANTS TO. SHE EVEN TRIED.
BUT SHE COULDN'T EVEN GET A TELEPHONE
CALL THROUGH TO CAPTAIN DOLGER.
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO, BUT
SHE HAS A NUN WHO CAN FLY.
A LETTER?
A SPECIAL DELIVERY.
[beeping] RADIO HEADQUARTERS.
TELL THEM WE REPELLED
OUR AGGRESSOR. YES, SIR.
[machine beeping]
GOOD SHOW, MEN.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY.
WHERE'S RAMIREZ?
UH, I DON'T KNOW, SIR.
HE'S ESCAPED.
YOU'RE AN ANGEL. OH, THANKS.
(Ramirez) I'LL ALWAYS
BE GRATEFUL YOU.
OH, IT'S NOTHING, CARLOS.
(Ramirez) NOTHING?
YOU RISKED YOUR
NECK TO GET OVER HERE.
(Bertrille) BUT
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
A GIRL.
(Dolger) YOU JUST DON'T
STOP, DO YOU, RAMIREZ?
GIRLS, GIRLS.
HOW DARE YOU?
DRESSING UP ONE OF YOUR
LITTLE PLAYMATES AS A NUN.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. I
AM A NUN, OR A NOVICE.
OH, SURE.
AND I'M PRINCE CHARMING.
OH, OH, CAPTAIN, SHE IS A NUN.
SHE'S SISTER BERTRILLE
OF CONVENT SAN TANCO.
AND YOU'RE ONE OF HER
GOOD WORKS, I SUPPOSE?
WELL, AS A MATTER
OF FACT, YES. YOU SEE...
(Dolger) I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW ONE THING.
HOW DID YOU GET ON THIS ISLAND?
CAN, UH, YOU KEEP
A SECRET, CAPTAIN?
TRY ME.
I FLEW.
I SEE.
YOU TOOK AN UNSCHEDULED
FLIGHT ON AIR VATICAN
AND YOU LANDED ON OUR
NONEXISTENT LANDING STRIP?
YOU SEE, SIR, I DIDN'T FLY
IN AN AIRPLANE. I JUST FLEW.
YOU SEE, UH, I... I DON'T WEIGH
VERY MUCH. ONLY 90 POUNDS.
AND WHEN THE WIND
IS VERY STRONG...
FORGET IT, SISTER.
[chattering] WHAT?
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
EXCUSE ME. WHAT IS IT?
UH, SIR, I JU... I JUST
SPOKE TO HEADQUARTERS,
AND THEY SAY THAT THAT WASN'T
THE AGGRESSOR WE REPELLED.
NO, SIR.
IT WAS... IT WAS ME.
YOUR GUNS FIRED AT ME.
OF COURSE.
[mumbling] I FORGOT
YOU FLEW OVER.
YES. IT ALL HAS TO DO
WITH, UH, LIFT PLUS THRUST
BEING GREATER
THAN LOAD PLUS DRAG.
(Dolger) NOW, LISTEN
TO ME, BOTH OF YOU!
I'VE BEEN IN THE CORPS 30 YEARS.
I SURVIVED OKINAWA.
I SURVIVED GUADALCANAL.
AND I SURVIVED INCHON.
AND I'M GONNA GET
THROUGH THIS, TOO.
WILLIS, I WANT BOTH THESE
PEOPLE PUT IN THE GUARD HOUSE.
WE DON'T HAVE A
GUARD HOUSE, SIR.
THEN BUILD ONE.
I'M GOING TO GET
THE TRUTH OUT OF YOU
(Dolger) IF IT'S THE
LAST THING I DO.
(Jacqueline) SISTER BERTRILLE AND
SENOR RAMIREZ WERE SUBJECTED
TO A SERIES OF
INTENSIVE INTERROGATIONS
TO CLARIFY THE MATTER.
[Ramirez screaming]
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER
WORD ABOUT LIFT PLUS THRUST!
BUT IT'S TRUE. I AM SISTER
BERTRILLE OF THE CONVENT SAN TANCO.
[thudding]
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE MY STORY, JUST
ASK THE REVEREND MOTHER PLACIDO.
[crying]
IT'S ALL PART OF THE MANEUVERS.
YOU'RE WORKING FOR HEADQUARTERS,
AREN'T YOU?
LIKE THE GIRL,
SHE'S SOME KIND
OF ADVANCE AGENT.
THEY SENT HER HERE TO
TEST OUR SECURITY, YEP?
CAPTAIN... DON'T TRY TO LIE!
TOO LATE.
THE JIG IS UP, RAMIREZ.
YOU'RE FROM HEADQUARTERS. I COULDN'T
COURT-MARTIAL YOU IF I WANTED TO.
RAMIREZ,
THE HONOR SYSTEM.
[yawning] WHAT...
WHAT CAN I SAY?
YOU ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH IT.
BRING IN THE GIRL.
I'M SORRY, CAPTAIN, BUT IF I
CONFESSED TO A STORY LIKE THAT,
I'D JUST BE TELLING A LIE.
IT'S NOT FAIR.
IT'S JUST NOT FAIR.
THEY'RE MAKING MANEUVERS
TOUGHER THAN THE REAL THING.
IF I MAY SUGGEST, SIR, WHY NOT
CHECK OUT THE, UH, THE SISTER'S STORY?
I MEAN, PARTICULARLY SINCE YOU
KNOW REVEREND MOTHER PLACIDO.
THEY'VE FINALLY GOTTEN
TO YOU, HAVEN'T THEY, WILLIS?
WE'RE ON RED ALERT.
THE AGGRESSOR FORCES
MAY ATTACK AT ANY MOMENT.
DO YOU THINK THAT I WOULD
DESERT MY COMMAND POST
TO SCRAMBLE OVER TO SAN JUAN AND
CHECK OUT A RED HERRING LIKE THIS?
[knocking on window]
[crickets chirping]
[inaudible]
WELL, COUSIN DANIEL.
SHH!
I SEE YOU'RE STILL
ALLERGIC TO DOORS.
CAN ANYONE HEAR US? WHY?
IT ISN'T A FRIENDLY FAMILY
VISIT, COUSIN BOONE.
OH.
I WANT TO ASK YOU
SOMETHING. YES?
MAYBE YOU BETTER SIT DOWN.
WHY? WHAT... WELL,
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
NOW... NOW, LISTEN
HERE, COUSIN DANIEL,
HAS SOMETHING HAPPENED
TO SISTER BERTRILLE?
THERE IS A SISTER
BERTRILLE? OF COURSE.
SHE'S ONE OF OUR NOVICES HERE.
SHORT, ROUND FACE WITH A
PUG NOSE? MMM-HMM. YES, YES.
WHERE IS SHE?
SHE'S ON MY ISLAND, THAT'S
WHERE SHE IS. CHAINED TO A TREE.
DANNY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND
OF AN ORDER YOU'RE RUNNING HERE.
THE GIRL SHOWS UP IN
THE MIDDLE OF A RED ALERT,
AND DO YOU KNOW HOW
SHE TELLS ME SHE GOT THERE?
CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?
NOW DON'T... DON'T
YOU START THAT WITH ME.
SHE CAN FLY.
HMM.
LIFT PLUS THRUST.
AS I UNDERSTAND IT, YES.
I SEE.
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
VERY INTERESTING.
THEY DON'T STOP AT ANYTHING
THESE DAYS, NOW, DO THEY? NUNS EVEN.
MOTHER SUPERIOR.
MAY I ASK WHAT YOU WERE DOING?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
DOING. NO, I DO NOT.
YOU'RE IN ON THIS. WHAT?
RIGHT ALONG WITH
RAMIREZ AND THE GIRL.
YOU'RE ALL WORKING
FOR THE AGGRESSORS.
AND YOU'RE MY OWN FLESH AND
BLOOD. NOW WHERE'S THAT MICROPHONE?
MICROPHONE?
I KNOW THIS OFFICE IS BUGGED. EVERY
WORD WE'RE SAYING IS GOING STRAIGHT TO G-2.
WHAT ON EARTH ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
DANIEL J. DOLGER, STOP THAT.
I MEAN IT.
ALL RIGHT, WHEREVER YOU ARE,
I'M NOT CRACKING YET. NOT YET.
DOLGER HASN'T CRACKED YET.
I SURVIVED INCHON, I SURVIVED
GUADALCANAL, I SURVIVED OKINAWA.
DANNY. UH?
DANIEL, LISTEN TO ME.
SISTER BERTRILLE CAN FLY.
YOU ALWAYS HAD THE SAME PROBLEM.
YOU REMEMBER WHEN
YOU WERE A LITTLE BOY,
HOW YOU CLIMBED THROUGH OUR
LIVING ROOM WINDOW ONE NIGHT
BECAUSE YOU WERE DETERMINED
TO FIND THE... THE LITTLE MAN
THAT LIVED INSIDE
MY FATHER'S, UH,
NEW FANGLED RADIO?
REMEMBER THAT, HMM?
YOU MUST HAVE A
LITTLE FAITH, DANIEL.
AND IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE
THAT SISTER BERTRILLE CAN FLY,
WHY DO YOU NOT ASK
HER TO DEMONSTRATE?
YOU'RE TRYING TO UNDERMINE
THE ENTIRE MARINE CORPS.
AN OFFICER ASKING A NUN TO FLY.
WHAT'S SHE DOING ON
THE ISLAND ANYWAY?
SHE WAS TRYING TO HELP
SENOR CARLOS RAMIREZ.
OH, YEAH. WELL, SHE
HELPED HIM, ALL RIGHT.
HE'LL GET 30 YEARS NOW.
WHAT...
IF YOU INSIST ON BEING YOUR
USUAL GUNG HO SELF ABOUT IT...
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT,
COUSIN BOONE. MY FAULT?
I DESERTED MY POST,
SNEAKED OFF MY OWN ISLAND.
IF THIS SISTER BERTRILLE CAN
FLY, YOU'VE GOT NO BUSINESS
LETTING HER GO AIRBORNE
IN THE MIDDLE OF A RED ALERT.
COUSIN DANIEL.
NO BUSINESS.
YOU RUN YOUR
OUTFIT, I WILL RUN MINE.
[crickets chirping]
[whispering] EVERYTHING QUIET?
ALL QUIET, SIR.
[foliage rustling]
WAIT A MINUTE, THERE'S
SOMETHING MOVING OUT THERE.
CAN YOU SEE IT?
YES, SIR.
THIS MAYBE IT. THE AGGRESSORS.
READY, FIRE!
[gun firing]
(Dolger) IT'S ME!
DON'T FIRE, YOU IDIOTS.
IT'S ME!
I'M SORRY, SIR. I'M SORRY.
IT LOOKED AS IF SOMEONE
WAS LANDING OUT THERE.
I WAS TAKING A WALK.
WILLIS, ABOUT RAMIREZ
AND THE, UH, THE NUN.
I THINK I'VE COME UP
WITH A NEW APPROACH.
IT CAME TO ME IN
A KIND OF A FLASH.
THERE ARE TIMES, MY BOY,
WHEN A MAN JUST HAS TO
THROW AWAY A MANUAL.
WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP
LAST NIGHT TO DEMONSTRATE?
THERE JUST ISN'T ENOUGH
WIND THIS MORNING.
THAT WOULDN'T HAVE
STOPPED THE WRIGHT BROTHERS.
BUT IT IS TRUE, CAPTAIN.
SISTER BERTRILLE CAN ONLY
FLY UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS.
COME OFF IT. YOU CAN FOOL SOME
OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME,
AND ALL OF THE PEOPLE SOME
OF THE TIME, BUT YOU CAN'T...
SIR. WHAT?
WE'VE SIGHTED THE
AGGRESSOR, SIR. WHERE?
LANDING CRAFT OFF POSITION 2.
LET ME SEE THOSE.
MAN THE FIRING POSITIONS.
DEPLOY THE TROOPS.
YOU STAY RIGHT HERE, PLEASE.
CARLOS, I'M SORRY.
OF ALL THE TIMES
TO GET GROUNDED.
DON'T WORRY, SISTER.
IF I'M GOING TO BE SHOT,
THERE'S NO ONE I'D RATHER
HAVE STANDING BESIDE ME.
GEE.
JEEZ.
[wind blowing]
OH. OH, WHERE WERE
YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?
SISTER, GO BEFORE
THEY COME BACK.
NO, CARLOS, I WON'T DESERT YOU.
WHY SHOULD BOTH OF US SUFFER?
CARLOS, I SIMPLY CANNOT...
DO I HAVE TO LAUNCH YOU?
[Bertrille grunts]
(Carlos) YOU CAN BE MORE
HELP TO ME IN SAN JUAN!
DO YOU STILL WANT ME TO
TALK TO THE REVEREND MOTHER?
TOO LATE FOR HER!
YOU BETTER FIND OUT IF THE
SECRETARY OF THE NAVY IS CATHOLIC.
[machine beeping]
WILLIS, WILLIS,
WHERE ARE THE PINS?
WARS HAVE BEEN LOST
FOR WANT OF A PIN.
OH, RIGHT HERE, SIR.
GOOD, WE'LL SEND "A" COMPANY
OVER TO "B" COMPANY.
AND "B" AND "A" COMPANY WILL MOVE
OVER TO THE EDGE OF THE CLEARING.
SEND "C" COMPANY TO THE BEACH.
BE SURE THEY HAVE
PLENTY OF FIRE POWER.
AND THE RECON PATROL
WILL MOVE FROM THIS POINT...
SIR.
SIR, SIR! FROM THIS POINT...
UH, SIR, SIR, DOESN'T IT
SEEM STRANGE TO YOU
THAT THE... THERE AREN'T
MORE LANDING CRAFT?
MAYBE WE'RE ON A
BUDGET THIS YEAR.
CAPTAIN DOLGER.
CAPTAIN DOLGER.
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M
BUSY? THIS IS ZERO HOUR.
THAT'S WHY I MUST TALK TO YOU.
[machine beeping]
SIR, THAT IS NOT THE
AGGRESSOR FORCE.
THAT IS ONLY A DECOY.
A DIVERSIONARY MOVE.
YOU'RE REALLY OUT TO GET ME
BUSTED, AREN'T YOU, RAMIREZ?
WHY? I DO MY JOB.
I SERVE MY COUNTRY.
SIR, THERE IS A WHOLE FLOTILLA APPROACHING
FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND.
WHY DIDN'T I SPOT HER
OR RADAR-SEE THEM?
THEY ARE TOO FAR AWAY.
BUT BELIEVE ME, SIR,
SOMEONE SAW THEM.
REALLY? HOW DID THEY
MANAGE? ON TIPTOES?
IT WAS SISTER BERTRILLE
WHO SAW THEM, SIR.
SISTER BERTRILLE.
AND I SUPPOSE SHE WAS, UH...
LISTEN, RAMIREZ,
ONE MORE PEEP...
GOOD HEAVENS, CAPTAIN, WHAT DO YOU
NEED FOR PROOF, AERIAL PHOTOGRAPHS?
HONESTLY, CAPTAIN, YOU'RE THE
MOST SKEPTICAL MAN I'VE EVER MET.
CAPTAIN.
ZERO HOUR.
[grunts]
WILLIS.
YES, SIR.
DEPLOY "A", "B", "C", "D" UNITS
TO THE FARER SIDE OF THE ISLAND.
THE WEST SHORE, SIR? BUT, UH...
OURS IS NOT TO REASON WHY.
OURS IS BUT TO
DO... OR DIE, SIR.
[screaming]
[guns firing]
[guns firing]
[whistling]
[birds chirping]
TOUCHDOWN.
[man sounding off]
THE GENERAL'S GOING TO BE
MIGHTY IMPRESSED, CAPTAIN DOLGER.
YOU'VE SECURED THIS ENTIRE
PHASE OF THE OPERATION.
THANK YOU, MAJOR.
TELL ME SOMETHING.
HOW DID YOU FIGURE
OUT WHAT WE WERE UP TO?
WELL, SIR,
THERE ARE TIMES
WHEN A MAN JUST HAS TO
THROW AWAY THE MANUAL.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YES.
I THINK SO.
AH, SISTER. HI.
UH, HAVE YOU SEEN CARLO...
AHEM, UH, PRIVATE RAMIREZ? I WANT
TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM BEFORE I LEAVE.
NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE HE HELPED
BRING IN THE PRISONERS THIS MORNING.
(Ramirez) THE WAR GAMES ARE OVER.
NOW, THE POSTWAR GAMES BEGIN.
(woman) OH, CARLOS.
[Carlos and woman moaning]
[woman chuckling]
I'VE NEVER BEEN AN
AGGRESSOR BEFORE. IT'S FUN.
RAMIREZ.
TO THE VICTOR, SIR.
TO THE VICTORS.
OH, SISTER.
OH, NO, THANK YOU. I
NEVER DRINK WHILE I'M, UH...
(Jacqueline) WHEN HER GOOD
FRIEND, CARLOS RAMIREZ,
WENT ON 2 WEEKS ACTIVE DUTY
WITH MARINE CORPS RESERVE,
SISTER BERTRILLE DID
EVERYTHING SHE COULD
TO MAKE HIS SERVICE
MORE TOLERABLE.
PRIVATE RAMIREZ WAS STATIONED ON A
SMALL ISLAND, NOT FAR FROM SAN JUAN.
SISTER BERTRILLE KNEW THAT
HIS PALATE WOULD NOT TAKE KINDLY
TO A STEADY DIET
OF FIELD RATIONS.
SISTER BERTRILLE WROTE SENOR
RAMIREZ A LETTER EVERY NIGHT.
SHE DIDN'T WANT HIM
TO FEEL O-OUT OF TOUCH.
SENOR RAMIREZ'S UNIT
WAS SCHEDULED TO TAKE PART IN
LARGE SCALE BATTLE MANEUVERS.
SISTER BERTRILLE WATCHED THE
NEWSPAPERS AVIDLY FOR SOME SIGN
THAT THE MANEUVERS HAD BEGUN.
IF YOU'RE ON GUARD DUTY, SHOULDN'T
YOU BE GUARDING SOMETHING?
OH, NO.
THESE ARE JUST GAMES.
EVEN WHEN THE BATTLE STARTS,
IT WOULDN'T BE A REAL ONE.
I'D STILL HATE TO SEE YOU
GET INTO ANY TROUBLE, CARLOS.
TROUBLE?
THE COMMANDING
OFFICER IS TERRIFIED OF ME.
HE KNOWS A REAL
MAN WHEN HE SEES ONE.
RAMIREZ.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WELL, UH, UM, WE
HAVE WAR GAME, SIR.
I'M PLAYING.
YOU CIVILIAN.
YOU 2-WEEK HERO.
YOU THINK THESE MANEUVERS
ARE SOME KIND OF JOKE?
OH, NO, SIR, I DON'T.
UH, I'M DEDICATED.
YOUNG LADY, HOW DID
YOU GET ON THIS ISLAND?
HIS YACHT.
HIS YACHT?
IT'S ONLY ONE THING I HATE MORE
THAN A CIVILIAN, A RICH CIVILIAN.
WELL, IT'S JUST A LITTLE YACHT.
WILLIS. SIR.
HOW COULD YOU GET A BOAT
THROUGH OUR SECURITY?
THIS ISLAND'S SUPPOSED
TO BE ON RED ALERT.
WELL, WE ARE NOT
ON RED ALERT YET, SIR.
WELL, PUT US ON! YES, SIR.
AS FOR YOU PLAYBOY,
YOU MAY HAVE THOUGHT, YOU
ARE ONLY ON 2 WEEKS' ACTIVE DUTY.
YEAH, I THOUGHT I WAS.
BUT YOU'VE JUST BECOME A
CAREER MAN. WELL, I DON'T WANT TO.
BY THE TIME I'M
FINISHED WITH YOU,
YOU'LL BE IN THE CORPS 20 YEARS.
20 YEARS? I'VE... IN
THE BRIG! YES, SIR.
(Jacqueline) WHILE PRIVATE
RAMIREZ AWAITED COURT MARTIAL,
HE WAS PUT ON A WORK DETAIL.
IT INCLUDED, AMONG OTHER THINGS,
POLISHING CAPTAIN
DOLGER'S BOOTS.
THE OLD MAN LIKED THE WAY
YOU PEELED THE POTATOES.
YOU MEAN THE DAISIES? YES.
TONIGHT HE WANTS YOU
TO SHAPE 'EM LIKE ROSES.
I'LL DO MY BEST.
"REVEREND MOTHER
PLACIDO, CONVENT SAN TANCO."
CAPTAIN DOLGER KNOWS
REVEREND MOTHER.
YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL
OR YOU'RE GONNA GET ANOTHER
20 YEARS FOR READING HIS MAIL.
JUST A MOMENT,
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
DOES HE KNOW MOTHER PLACIDO?
HMM. TALKS ABOUT
HER ALL THE TIME.
SHE AND, UH,
BISMARK ARE HIS IDOLS.
TELL ME ONE THING.
HOW MUCH IS IT WORTH TO YOU TO
MAKE ONE BRIEF RADIO CALL FOR ME?
MY STRIPES.
YOU'RE GOING... FORGET IT.
WE ARE ON RED ALERT.
YOU COULDN'T GET A COUGH
THROUGH THIS SECURITY SCREEN.
YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
LIEUTENANT WILLIS, COULD
I PLEASE SEE CARLOS?
NO, I'M SORRY, BUT IT'S
AGAINST REGULATIONS.
JUST FOR A SECOND?
PLEASE, LIEUTENANT, BEFORE
SHE GOES, ONE LITTLE KISS.
WELL, IT'S AGAINST REGULATIONS.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
OH, CARLOS, I'M GONNA
MISS YOU SO MUCH.
OH, DON'T WORRY, BABY.
MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I HAVE BUT
ONE LIFE TO GIVE FOR MY COUNTRY.
[whispering] GO TO
CONVENT SAN TANCO,
TELL SISTER BERTRILLE SHE
MUST COME HERE IMMEDIATELY.
HOW? HOW WILL SHE GET
THROUGH THE RED ALERT?
DON'T QUESTION THE MYSTERIES
OF THE CHURCH, MY LOVE.
HONESTLY, REVEREND MOTHER,
CARLOS WOULDN'T HAVE SENT FOR ME,
NOT ME, UNLESS HE
REALLY NEEDED ME.
SENOR RAMIREZ IS A GROWN MAN.
HE IS PERFECTLY CAPABLE
OF TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF.
SISTER BERTRILLE,
WE CANNOT INTERFERE
IN THE AFFAIRS OF
THE MARINE CORPS.
BUT REVEREND MOTHER,
GINGER SAID THAT
THAT CAPTAIN DOLGER IS GOING
TO COURT-MARTIAL CARLOS.
CAPTAIN DOLGER?
CAPTAIN DANIEL "GUNG
HO DO-OR-DIE" DOLGER?
YOU KNOW HIM?
YES, I KNOW HIM.
IN FACT, HE'S MY COUSIN.
AND COUSIN DANIEL TAKES HIS
RESPONSIBILITIES VERY SERIOUSLY.
SISTER BERTRILLE, I
THINK WE HAD BEST
PRAY VERY EARNESTLY
FOR SENOR RAMIREZ.
YES, OPERATOR. I... I
AM TRYING TO REACH
CAPTAIN DANIEL GUNG...
J. DOLGER.
THE 112TH MARINE DETACHMENT.
YES, YES. THEY'RE ON MANEUVERS.
NO, I HAVE NOT. AS YOU
PUT IT, "LOST MY MARBLES."
I AM SIMPLY TRYING TO REACH
CAPTAIN DANIEL J. DOLGER.
[man chattering on phone]
YOUNG MAN,
NO MATTER WHAT
COLOR ALERT YOU ARE ON,
THAT IS NO WAY
TO TALK TO A LADY.
GOOD DAY.
SISTER BERTRILLE, PERHAPS YOU
HAD BEST FLY OVER TO THE ISLAND,
AT LEAST TO INVESTIGATE.
RIGHT!
REVEREND MOTHER.
(Dolger) RAMIREZ.
GO AHEAD.
MALINGER, IT'LL BRING THE CHARGES
AGAINST YOU TO AN EVEN DOZEN.
WHAT IS IT, WILLIS?
UH, UNIDENTIFIED OBJECT
APPROACHING ON THE RADAR, SIR.
OH, IT'S NOTHING BUT A PELICAN.
LET ME SEE THOSE.
MAN IN THE FIRING
POSITIONS! SIR?
A PELICAN? THEY CERTAINLY
BAMBOOZLED YOU, WILLIS.
IT'S ONE OF OUR NEW MISSILES.
MAN THE FIRING POSITIONS!
[men chattering]
NOW THIS IS IT, MEN. "FORCE X."
FIRST WAVE OF THE AGGRESSORS.
I KNOW THAT YOU'LL MAKE
ME PROUD OF YOU TODAY.
SIR, THAT IS A POOR,
HELPLESS PELICAN.
I'M AN ANIMAL LOVER.
OH, DON'T WORRY. WE DON'T USE
LIVE AMMUNITION. WE USE FLOUR.
BUT YOU CAN BRUSH THAT OFF.
HOW DO WE KNOW THEY ARE HIT?
THE HONOR SYSTEM.
COORDINATES, 4 MINUTES,
33 SECONDS, NORTH.
53 MINUTES, 9 SECONDS, EAST.
FIRE 3.
IT SEEMS TO BE RETREATING, SIR.
[explosions]
(Bertrille) CARLOS!
CARLOS!
OH.
SISTER, AR-ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
OH, YES. EXCEPT FOR A FEW
SCRATCHES ON THE FUSELAGE.
ARE YOU SURE THOSE
ARE JUST GAMES?
WITH CAPTAIN DOLGER,
NOTHING IS A GAME.
COME HERE, SISTER.
I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU
BEFORE THEY GET BACK.
PLEASE SIT DOWN.
NOW, SISTER,
I'M NOT ONE TO TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF A FRIENDSHIP,
BUT I HAVE BEEN GENEROUS
WITH THE CONVENT, RIGHT?
OH, YOU SURE HAVE, CARLOS.
THERE WAS THAT ACRE OF LAND THAT...
AN ACRE AND A HALF, AND A
PLAYGROUND. NOW, WHO KEEPS COUNT?
NOW THE POINT IS, REVEREND
MOTHER SHOULD DO ME A FAVOR.
THIS CAPTAIN DOLGER,
HE'S GOING TO DRAW
AND QUARTER ME.
WHAT DID YOU DO? NOTHING.
WELL, IT WAS A LITTLE
MISUNDERSTANDING ABOUT VISITING HOURS.
NOW REVEREND MOTHER HAS
GREAT INFLUENCE ON CAPTAIN DOLGER.
YOU HAVE TO PERSUADE
HER TO INTERCEDE FOR ME.
OH, CARLOS, I-I'M SURE SHE
WANTS TO. SHE EVEN TRIED.
BUT SHE COULDN'T EVEN GET A TELEPHONE
CALL THROUGH TO CAPTAIN DOLGER.
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO, BUT
SHE HAS A NUN WHO CAN FLY.
A LETTER?
A SPECIAL DELIVERY.
[beeping] RADIO HEADQUARTERS.
TELL THEM WE REPELLED
OUR AGGRESSOR. YES, SIR.
[machine beeping]
GOOD SHOW, MEN.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY.
WHERE'S RAMIREZ?
UH, I DON'T KNOW, SIR.
HE'S ESCAPED.
YOU'RE AN ANGEL. OH, THANKS.
(Ramirez) I'LL ALWAYS
BE GRATEFUL YOU.
OH, IT'S NOTHING, CARLOS.
(Ramirez) NOTHING?
YOU RISKED YOUR
NECK TO GET OVER HERE.
(Bertrille) BUT
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
A GIRL.
(Dolger) YOU JUST DON'T
STOP, DO YOU, RAMIREZ?
GIRLS, GIRLS.
HOW DARE YOU?
DRESSING UP ONE OF YOUR
LITTLE PLAYMATES AS A NUN.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. I
AM A NUN, OR A NOVICE.
OH, SURE.
AND I'M PRINCE CHARMING.
OH, OH, CAPTAIN, SHE IS A NUN.
SHE'S SISTER BERTRILLE
OF CONVENT SAN TANCO.
AND YOU'RE ONE OF HER
GOOD WORKS, I SUPPOSE?
WELL, AS A MATTER
OF FACT, YES. YOU SEE...
(Dolger) I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW ONE THING.
HOW DID YOU GET ON THIS ISLAND?
CAN, UH, YOU KEEP
A SECRET, CAPTAIN?
TRY ME.
I FLEW.
I SEE.
YOU TOOK AN UNSCHEDULED
FLIGHT ON AIR VATICAN
AND YOU LANDED ON OUR
NONEXISTENT LANDING STRIP?
YOU SEE, SIR, I DIDN'T FLY
IN AN AIRPLANE. I JUST FLEW.
YOU SEE, UH, I... I DON'T WEIGH
VERY MUCH. ONLY 90 POUNDS.
AND WHEN THE WIND
IS VERY STRONG...
FORGET IT, SISTER.
[chattering] WHAT?
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
EXCUSE ME. WHAT IS IT?
UH, SIR, I JU... I JUST
SPOKE TO HEADQUARTERS,
AND THEY SAY THAT THAT WASN'T
THE AGGRESSOR WE REPELLED.
NO, SIR.
IT WAS... IT WAS ME.
YOUR GUNS FIRED AT ME.
OF COURSE.
[mumbling] I FORGOT
YOU FLEW OVER.
YES. IT ALL HAS TO DO
WITH, UH, LIFT PLUS THRUST
BEING GREATER
THAN LOAD PLUS DRAG.
(Dolger) NOW, LISTEN
TO ME, BOTH OF YOU!
I'VE BEEN IN THE CORPS 30 YEARS.
I SURVIVED OKINAWA.
I SURVIVED GUADALCANAL.
AND I SURVIVED INCHON.
AND I'M GONNA GET
THROUGH THIS, TOO.
WILLIS, I WANT BOTH THESE
PEOPLE PUT IN THE GUARD HOUSE.
WE DON'T HAVE A
GUARD HOUSE, SIR.
THEN BUILD ONE.
I'M GOING TO GET
THE TRUTH OUT OF YOU
(Dolger) IF IT'S THE
LAST THING I DO.
(Jacqueline) SISTER BERTRILLE AND
SENOR RAMIREZ WERE SUBJECTED
TO A SERIES OF
INTENSIVE INTERROGATIONS
TO CLARIFY THE MATTER.
[Ramirez screaming]
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER
WORD ABOUT LIFT PLUS THRUST!
BUT IT'S TRUE. I AM SISTER
BERTRILLE OF THE CONVENT SAN TANCO.
[thudding]
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE MY STORY, JUST
ASK THE REVEREND MOTHER PLACIDO.
[crying]
IT'S ALL PART OF THE MANEUVERS.
YOU'RE WORKING FOR HEADQUARTERS,
AREN'T YOU?
LIKE THE GIRL,
SHE'S SOME KIND
OF ADVANCE AGENT.
THEY SENT HER HERE TO
TEST OUR SECURITY, YEP?
CAPTAIN... DON'T TRY TO LIE!
TOO LATE.
THE JIG IS UP, RAMIREZ.
YOU'RE FROM HEADQUARTERS. I COULDN'T
COURT-MARTIAL YOU IF I WANTED TO.
RAMIREZ,
THE HONOR SYSTEM.
[yawning] WHAT...
WHAT CAN I SAY?
YOU ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH IT.
BRING IN THE GIRL.
I'M SORRY, CAPTAIN, BUT IF I
CONFESSED TO A STORY LIKE THAT,
I'D JUST BE TELLING A LIE.
IT'S NOT FAIR.
IT'S JUST NOT FAIR.
THEY'RE MAKING MANEUVERS
TOUGHER THAN THE REAL THING.
IF I MAY SUGGEST, SIR, WHY NOT
CHECK OUT THE, UH, THE SISTER'S STORY?
I MEAN, PARTICULARLY SINCE YOU
KNOW REVEREND MOTHER PLACIDO.
THEY'VE FINALLY GOTTEN
TO YOU, HAVEN'T THEY, WILLIS?
WE'RE ON RED ALERT.
THE AGGRESSOR FORCES
MAY ATTACK AT ANY MOMENT.
DO YOU THINK THAT I WOULD
DESERT MY COMMAND POST
TO SCRAMBLE OVER TO SAN JUAN AND
CHECK OUT A RED HERRING LIKE THIS?
[knocking on window]
[crickets chirping]
[inaudible]
WELL, COUSIN DANIEL.
SHH!
I SEE YOU'RE STILL
ALLERGIC TO DOORS.
CAN ANYONE HEAR US? WHY?
IT ISN'T A FRIENDLY FAMILY
VISIT, COUSIN BOONE.
OH.
I WANT TO ASK YOU
SOMETHING. YES?
MAYBE YOU BETTER SIT DOWN.
WHY? WHAT... WELL,
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
NOW... NOW, LISTEN
HERE, COUSIN DANIEL,
HAS SOMETHING HAPPENED
TO SISTER BERTRILLE?
THERE IS A SISTER
BERTRILLE? OF COURSE.
SHE'S ONE OF OUR NOVICES HERE.
SHORT, ROUND FACE WITH A
PUG NOSE? MMM-HMM. YES, YES.
WHERE IS SHE?
SHE'S ON MY ISLAND, THAT'S
WHERE SHE IS. CHAINED TO A TREE.
DANNY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND
OF AN ORDER YOU'RE RUNNING HERE.
THE GIRL SHOWS UP IN
THE MIDDLE OF A RED ALERT,
AND DO YOU KNOW HOW
SHE TELLS ME SHE GOT THERE?
CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?
NOW DON'T... DON'T
YOU START THAT WITH ME.
SHE CAN FLY.
HMM.
LIFT PLUS THRUST.
AS I UNDERSTAND IT, YES.
I SEE.
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
VERY INTERESTING.
THEY DON'T STOP AT ANYTHING
THESE DAYS, NOW, DO THEY? NUNS EVEN.
MOTHER SUPERIOR.
MAY I ASK WHAT YOU WERE DOING?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
DOING. NO, I DO NOT.
YOU'RE IN ON THIS. WHAT?
RIGHT ALONG WITH
RAMIREZ AND THE GIRL.
YOU'RE ALL WORKING
FOR THE AGGRESSORS.
AND YOU'RE MY OWN FLESH AND
BLOOD. NOW WHERE'S THAT MICROPHONE?
MICROPHONE?
I KNOW THIS OFFICE IS BUGGED. EVERY
WORD WE'RE SAYING IS GOING STRAIGHT TO G-2.
WHAT ON EARTH ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
DANIEL J. DOLGER, STOP THAT.
I MEAN IT.
ALL RIGHT, WHEREVER YOU ARE,
I'M NOT CRACKING YET. NOT YET.
DOLGER HASN'T CRACKED YET.
I SURVIVED INCHON, I SURVIVED
GUADALCANAL, I SURVIVED OKINAWA.
DANNY. UH?
DANIEL, LISTEN TO ME.
SISTER BERTRILLE CAN FLY.
YOU ALWAYS HAD THE SAME PROBLEM.
YOU REMEMBER WHEN
YOU WERE A LITTLE BOY,
HOW YOU CLIMBED THROUGH OUR
LIVING ROOM WINDOW ONE NIGHT
BECAUSE YOU WERE DETERMINED
TO FIND THE... THE LITTLE MAN
THAT LIVED INSIDE
MY FATHER'S, UH,
NEW FANGLED RADIO?
REMEMBER THAT, HMM?
YOU MUST HAVE A
LITTLE FAITH, DANIEL.
AND IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE
THAT SISTER BERTRILLE CAN FLY,
WHY DO YOU NOT ASK
HER TO DEMONSTRATE?
YOU'RE TRYING TO UNDERMINE
THE ENTIRE MARINE CORPS.
AN OFFICER ASKING A NUN TO FLY.
WHAT'S SHE DOING ON
THE ISLAND ANYWAY?
SHE WAS TRYING TO HELP
SENOR CARLOS RAMIREZ.
OH, YEAH. WELL, SHE
HELPED HIM, ALL RIGHT.
HE'LL GET 30 YEARS NOW.
WHAT...
IF YOU INSIST ON BEING YOUR
USUAL GUNG HO SELF ABOUT IT...
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT,
COUSIN BOONE. MY FAULT?
I DESERTED MY POST,
SNEAKED OFF MY OWN ISLAND.
IF THIS SISTER BERTRILLE CAN
FLY, YOU'VE GOT NO BUSINESS
LETTING HER GO AIRBORNE
IN THE MIDDLE OF A RED ALERT.
COUSIN DANIEL.
NO BUSINESS.
YOU RUN YOUR
OUTFIT, I WILL RUN MINE.
[crickets chirping]
[whispering] EVERYTHING QUIET?
ALL QUIET, SIR.
[foliage rustling]
WAIT A MINUTE, THERE'S
SOMETHING MOVING OUT THERE.
CAN YOU SEE IT?
YES, SIR.
THIS MAYBE IT. THE AGGRESSORS.
READY, FIRE!
[gun firing]
(Dolger) IT'S ME!
DON'T FIRE, YOU IDIOTS.
IT'S ME!
I'M SORRY, SIR. I'M SORRY.
IT LOOKED AS IF SOMEONE
WAS LANDING OUT THERE.
I WAS TAKING A WALK.
WILLIS, ABOUT RAMIREZ
AND THE, UH, THE NUN.
I THINK I'VE COME UP
WITH A NEW APPROACH.
IT CAME TO ME IN
A KIND OF A FLASH.
THERE ARE TIMES, MY BOY,
WHEN A MAN JUST HAS TO
THROW AWAY A MANUAL.
WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP
LAST NIGHT TO DEMONSTRATE?
THERE JUST ISN'T ENOUGH
WIND THIS MORNING.
THAT WOULDN'T HAVE
STOPPED THE WRIGHT BROTHERS.
BUT IT IS TRUE, CAPTAIN.
SISTER BERTRILLE CAN ONLY
FLY UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS.
COME OFF IT. YOU CAN FOOL SOME
OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME,
AND ALL OF THE PEOPLE SOME
OF THE TIME, BUT YOU CAN'T...
SIR. WHAT?
WE'VE SIGHTED THE
AGGRESSOR, SIR. WHERE?
LANDING CRAFT OFF POSITION 2.
LET ME SEE THOSE.
MAN THE FIRING POSITIONS.
DEPLOY THE TROOPS.
YOU STAY RIGHT HERE, PLEASE.
CARLOS, I'M SORRY.
OF ALL THE TIMES
TO GET GROUNDED.
DON'T WORRY, SISTER.
IF I'M GOING TO BE SHOT,
THERE'S NO ONE I'D RATHER
HAVE STANDING BESIDE ME.
GEE.
JEEZ.
[wind blowing]
OH. OH, WHERE WERE
YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?
SISTER, GO BEFORE
THEY COME BACK.
NO, CARLOS, I WON'T DESERT YOU.
WHY SHOULD BOTH OF US SUFFER?
CARLOS, I SIMPLY CANNOT...
DO I HAVE TO LAUNCH YOU?
[Bertrille grunts]
(Carlos) YOU CAN BE MORE
HELP TO ME IN SAN JUAN!
DO YOU STILL WANT ME TO
TALK TO THE REVEREND MOTHER?
TOO LATE FOR HER!
YOU BETTER FIND OUT IF THE
SECRETARY OF THE NAVY IS CATHOLIC.
[machine beeping]
WILLIS, WILLIS,
WHERE ARE THE PINS?
WARS HAVE BEEN LOST
FOR WANT OF A PIN.
OH, RIGHT HERE, SIR.
GOOD, WE'LL SEND "A" COMPANY
OVER TO "B" COMPANY.
AND "B" AND "A" COMPANY WILL MOVE
OVER TO THE EDGE OF THE CLEARING.
SEND "C" COMPANY TO THE BEACH.
BE SURE THEY HAVE
PLENTY OF FIRE POWER.
AND THE RECON PATROL
WILL MOVE FROM THIS POINT...
SIR.
SIR, SIR! FROM THIS POINT...
UH, SIR, SIR, DOESN'T IT
SEEM STRANGE TO YOU
THAT THE... THERE AREN'T
MORE LANDING CRAFT?
MAYBE WE'RE ON A
BUDGET THIS YEAR.
CAPTAIN DOLGER.
CAPTAIN DOLGER.
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M
BUSY? THIS IS ZERO HOUR.
THAT'S WHY I MUST TALK TO YOU.
[machine beeping]
SIR, THAT IS NOT THE
AGGRESSOR FORCE.
THAT IS ONLY A DECOY.
A DIVERSIONARY MOVE.
YOU'RE REALLY OUT TO GET ME
BUSTED, AREN'T YOU, RAMIREZ?
WHY? I DO MY JOB.
I SERVE MY COUNTRY.
SIR, THERE IS A WHOLE FLOTILLA APPROACHING
FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND.
WHY DIDN'T I SPOT HER
OR RADAR-SEE THEM?
THEY ARE TOO FAR AWAY.
BUT BELIEVE ME, SIR,
SOMEONE SAW THEM.
REALLY? HOW DID THEY
MANAGE? ON TIPTOES?
IT WAS SISTER BERTRILLE
WHO SAW THEM, SIR.
SISTER BERTRILLE.
AND I SUPPOSE SHE WAS, UH...
LISTEN, RAMIREZ,
ONE MORE PEEP...
GOOD HEAVENS, CAPTAIN, WHAT DO YOU
NEED FOR PROOF, AERIAL PHOTOGRAPHS?
HONESTLY, CAPTAIN, YOU'RE THE
MOST SKEPTICAL MAN I'VE EVER MET.
CAPTAIN.
ZERO HOUR.
[grunts]
WILLIS.
YES, SIR.
DEPLOY "A", "B", "C", "D" UNITS
TO THE FARER SIDE OF THE ISLAND.
THE WEST SHORE, SIR? BUT, UH...
OURS IS NOT TO REASON WHY.
OURS IS BUT TO
DO... OR DIE, SIR.
[screaming]
[guns firing]
[guns firing]
[whistling]
[birds chirping]
TOUCHDOWN.
[man sounding off]
THE GENERAL'S GOING TO BE
MIGHTY IMPRESSED, CAPTAIN DOLGER.
YOU'VE SECURED THIS ENTIRE
PHASE OF THE OPERATION.
THANK YOU, MAJOR.
TELL ME SOMETHING.
HOW DID YOU FIGURE
OUT WHAT WE WERE UP TO?
WELL, SIR,
THERE ARE TIMES
WHEN A MAN JUST HAS TO
THROW AWAY THE MANUAL.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YES.
I THINK SO.
AH, SISTER. HI.
UH, HAVE YOU SEEN CARLO...
AHEM, UH, PRIVATE RAMIREZ? I WANT
TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM BEFORE I LEAVE.
NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE HE HELPED
BRING IN THE PRISONERS THIS MORNING.
(Ramirez) THE WAR GAMES ARE OVER.
NOW, THE POSTWAR GAMES BEGIN.
(woman) OH, CARLOS.
[Carlos and woman moaning]
[woman chuckling]
I'VE NEVER BEEN AN
AGGRESSOR BEFORE. IT'S FUN.
RAMIREZ.
TO THE VICTOR, SIR.
TO THE VICTORS.
OH, SISTER.
OH, NO, THANK YOU. I
NEVER DRINK WHILE I'M, UH...