The Flying Nun (1967–1970): Season 1, Episode 17 - With a Friend Like Him, Who Needs? - full transcript

[barking]

(Jacqueline) THE LIBRARY
OF OUR CONVENT SAN TANCO

IS NOTED FOR ITS MANY BOOKS,

MOST OF THEM CAST-OFFS
FROM GENEROUS FRIENDS.

UNFORTUNATELY,

WE SISTERS HAVE
NEITHER THE APTITUDE

NOR THE TIME FOR
LIBRARY HOUSEKEEPING.

WHICH ACCOUNTS FOR THE
CONDITION IT HAD FALLEN INTO.

THE BOOK HAS TO BE
HERE, SISTER JACQUELINE.

WELL, I'M SURE IT IS.

OH, YES. I SHOULD HAVE PAID MORE
ATTENTION TO WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN HERE.



OH, HERE IT IS.

"CHURCH ENCYCLICALS
FOR THE PAST 100 YEARS"

HIDDEN BEHIND A COPY OF "GREAT
LOVERS OF THE SILVER SCREEN."

SISTER SIXTO, UH, DID YOU FIND THE
BOOK THAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR?

I LOOK ON THE SHELF
UNDER "B" FOR BLACK BEAUTY.

BUT, THERE'S ONLY
ONE BOOK THERE.

WHAT IS IT?

TOM SWIFT AND
HIS FLYING MACHINE.

[giggling]

WELL, THAT'S OUR LIBRARY.

SISTERS, I CANNOT PERMIT
THIS SITUATION TO GO ON.

A PERSON WHO IS TRAINED

AND... AND PROFESSIONAL MUST BE
BROUGHT IN TO PUT THIS LIBRARY IN ORDER.

OF COURSE, REV. MOTHER.



IN FACT, I THINK THAT I'LL
CALL THE BISHOP RIGHT AWAY

AND, UH, AND THEN I'LL
ASSIGN ONE OF OUR SISTERS

TO ASSIST WHOMEVER
THEY MAY SEND.

COME ALONG, SISTERS.

[both sighing]

YES, YOUR EXCELLENCY,
I QUITE UNDERSTAND.

BUT ARE YOU CERTAIN HE IS THE ONLY
PROFESSIONAL LIBRARIAN AVAILABLE?

I SEE.

UH, NO, NO. WE CAN
DELAY NO LONGER.

VERY WELL, UH,

WE WILL EXPECT HIM
TO REPORT IMMEDIATELY.

UH, THANK YOU, YOUR
EXCELLENCY. GOOD DAY.

WELL, THE, UH, BISHOP IS SENDING
SOMEONE TO HELP US WITH OUR LIBRARY.

GOOD. WHOM IS HE SENDING?

BROTHER PAUL BERNARDI.

BROTHER PAUL BERNARDI?

THE BISHOP ASSURES ME HE
IS THE ONLY PERSON AVAILABLE.

BUT REV. MOTHER, SURELY YOU
KNOW BROTHER PAUL'S REPUTATION?

HE'S A ONE-MAN DISASTROUS AREA.

DISASTER AREA, SISTER.

THE DAY AFTER HE STARTED
TO WORK IN THE LIBRARY

OF THE SEMINARY AT SAN
DOMINGO, IT BURNED DOWN.

BECAUSE BROTHER PAUL
HELPED WITH THE OUTDOOR

BARBECUE, AND HE
OUTDID THE CHARCOAL.

(Ana) AND REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE CATHEDRAL AT SAN PABLO?

THE ONE WITH THE FAMOUS
STAINED GLASS WINDOW?

BROTHER PAUL WAS ASKED TO
CUT DOWN A LARGE TREE NEARBY...

AND SMASH WENT EVERY
STAINED GLASS IN THAT WINDOW.

OH, SISTERS, NOW I THINK WE'RE
BEING UNFAIR TO BROTHER PAUL

JUST BECAUSE HE'S
HAD SOME HARD LUCK.

HARD LUCK? ARE YOU FORGETTING
THE MONASTERY AT JALAPA?

THE ONE WITH THE
COLLAPSED CHIMNEY?

BROTHER PAUL?

BROTHER PAUL.

THAT CHIMNEY STOOD FOR 100 YEARS

UNTIL HE DECIDED
TO FIX THE FLUE.

WHITHER HE GOEST,
CALAMITY FOLLOWS.

OH, I DON'T THINK HE'S
AS BAD AS HIS REPUTATION.

AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

I SAY WE ALL PITCH IN AND
GIVE HIM A HELPING HAND, HUH?

NOT ALL, SISTER BERTRILLE.

YOU.

I HAVE DECIDED

THAT YOU WILL BE
BROTHER PAUL'S ASSISTANT.

OH, REV. MOTHER, I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT FIXING UP LIBRARIES...

BROTHER PAUL WILL TEACH YOU. OH?

ALL RIGHT, SISTERS. YOU MAY
GO ON ABOUT YOUR DUTIES.

THAT WILL BE ALL,
SISTER BERTRILLE.

[door closes]

REV. MOTHER, I HAVE NEVER
QUESTIONED ANY OF YOUR DECISIONS

IN REGARD TO THIS CONVENT.

BUT, UH, A-A-ARE YOU AWARE
OF WHAT THIS COULD MEAN?

HAVING SISTER BERTRILLE AND... AND
BROTHER PAUL WORKING TOGETHER?

YES, SISTER JACQUELINE, I AM.

IT COULD MEAN

THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME WE
MIGHT SEE 2 WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT.

[birds chirping]

[children exclaiming]

HI. HI.

UH, EXCUSE ME, UH.

OF COURSE. HMM.

WHAT ARE WE, UH, WHAT
ARE WE LOOKING AT?

OH, WE'RE NOT LOOKING AT ANYTHING.
WE'RE WAITING FOR BROTHER PAUL BERNARDI.

OH, IS THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING?

HMM.

I HOPE NOTHING'S
HAPPENED TO HIM.

WE'VE HEARD HE'S
PRONE TO ACCIDENTS.

YES, I SUPPOSE I AM.

YOU'RE BROTHER PAUL BERNARDI?

I THOUGHT YOU'D
BE COMING IN A TAXI.

WELL, I STARTED TO,
BUT, UH... IT BROKE DOWN?

NO. NO. IT'S SUCH A NICE
DAY, I DECIDED TO WALK.

OH, WELL, I'M GLAD
EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS SISTER SIXTO
AND I'M SISTER BERTRILLE.

I'VE BEEN ASSIGNED TO
HELP YOU FIX UP THE LIBRARY.

OH, HOW VERY NICE. I'M
PLEASED TO MEET YOU BOTH.

SAME TO YOU, BROTHER.

(boy) ROOT FOR ME, SISTER.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

[children exclaiming]

WELL, UH, WELCOME TO THE
CONVENT SAN TANCO, BROTHER PAUL.

I'LL SHOW YOU TO YOUR ROOM.

OH, THANK YOU. I'LL, UH,
JUST DROP MY SUITCASE OFF,

AND THEN PAY MY RESPECTS
TO REVEREND MOTHER PLACIDO.

AFTER THAT, IF YOU'D
TAKE ME TO THE LIBRARY,

I'M ANXIOUS TO GET
TO WORK, YOU KNOW?

RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

SISTER BERTRILLE,
WILL YOU GIVE IT A SHOE?

SHE MEANS GIVE IT A
BOOT. OH, WELL, LET ME.

OH, THAT'S OK. I
THINK I'D BETTER DO IT.

OH, SISTER, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

SHALL WE GO, SISTER?

GLADLY.

WELL, THIS IS IT.

AH, THIS IS A CHALLENGE.

TO PUT IT MILDLY.

NOW, UM, FIRST
THING TO DO IS, UH,

WE'LL DISMANTLE THESE SHELVES
AND TAKE THEM OUT TO AIR,

AND THEN WE'LL REMOVE THESE
CARTONS SO THE FLOOR CAN BE SCRUBBED.

UH, PAINT THE WALLS...

YOU ARE PLANNING TO
CATALOGUE THE BOOKS, AREN'T YOU?

OH, WELL, THAT IS THE LAST STEP.

AS MY PROFESSOR OF
LIBRARY SCIENCE USED TO SAY,

"A CLEAN LIBRARY
IS A HAPPY LIBRARY."

I'LL BUY THAT.

WELL, SHALL WE GET STARTED?

[sighing]

YOU CAN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH
I'M GONNA ENJOY THIS, SISTER.

MOST PLACES I GO
ARE SO, UM, NEAT.

BUT YOUR LIBRARY IS SO...

SO MAGNIFICENTLY DISORGANIZED.

[clattering]

YOU KNOW, SISTER BERTRILLE,

I HAVE A FEELING

THIS IS GONNA BE A VERY
FRUITFUL EXPERIENCE TO ME.

AND LEARNING HOW TO TAKE CARE
OF A LIBRARY WON'T HURT YOU EITHER.

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT
THAT, BROTHER PAUL?

NOW THE FIRST THING WE LEARNED IN
LIBRARY ONE WAS THE CARE OF SHELVES.

ALL THROUGH COLLEGE OUR
SLOGAN WAS, "FIGHT MILDEW."

I NEVER CARED MUCH
FOR MILDEW MYSELF.

[gasping] ALL RIGHT.

I'M GLAD THAT'S THE LAST
OF THE SHELVES. PHEW!

[panting] I'M GETTING TIRED.

YEAH.

[panting] I NEVER DREAMED
LIBRARIANS HAD TO WORK SO HARD.

I THOUGHT ALL THEY EVER DID WAS
CHECK OUT BOOKS AND HUSH PEOPLE.

NO, THERE'S MORE
TO IT THAN THAT.

YOU KNOW,

THESE SHELVES ARE
REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

WELL, IF YOU'RE A SHELF LOVER, I
SUPPOSE YOU HAVE SOMETHING THERE.

NO, NO, NO, I'M SERIOUS, SISTER.

THIS... THIS IS, UH,
VERY FINE OLD WOOD.

YEAH?

NOW, IF YOU WANT TO SEE
SOMETHING REALLY LOVELY,

JUST, UH, JUST TAKE A
LOOK AT THE GRAIN HERE.

THAT'S GRAIN? I ALWAYS
THOUGHT THAT WAS DUST.

NO, NO, NO, NO. SEE THE, UH, SEE THE
MARKINGS FOLLOW A DEFINITE PATTERN,

IT'S, UH, ALMOST
LIKE RHYTHM. YEAH.

YOU CAN'T BUY SHELVES
LIKE THAT THESE DAYS.

WELL, BROTHER PAUL, THINGS
SEEM TO BE PROGRESSING NICELY.

OH, I, UH, WOULD
HOPE SO, REV. MOTHER.

AS YOU KNOW, THIS CONFERENCE OF
MOTHER SUPERIORS LASTS ONLY 2 DAYS,

BUT I'M EXPECTING BIG CHANGES IN
THE LIBRARY BY THE TIME I GET BACK.

THE LIBRARY WILL
BE IN TIP-TOP SHAPE.

I THINK I CAN GUARANTEE THAT.

GOOD.

OH, UH, H-HERE, LET ME
HELP YOU, REV. MOTHER.

THANK YOU, BROTHER PAUL.

WELL, I MUST BE GOING.

THE SUN SEEMS VERY BRIGHT TODAY.

ARE YOU SURE IT'S ALL RIGHT
TO LEAVE THOSE SHELVES OUT?

IT'S THE ONLY WAY
TO FIGHT MILDEW, HUH?

IF YOU SAY SO, SISTER BERTRILLE.

AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT
A THING, REV. MOTHER.

EVERYTHING WILL BE A-OK.

THANK YOU.

BYE. BYE-BYE.

(Jacqueline) BROTHER
PAUL, YOU NEED ANY HELP?

WHOO! YES, YOU DO.

NO, I...

I THINK YOU DO. HERE,
LET ME TAKE THESE.

WELL, THOSE GO THERE.

OW!

OH, I'M SORRY.

OH, IS THIS IN OUR LIBRARY?

ALONG WITH A LOT OF
OTHER CHOICE ITEMS.

NOW, LET'S SEE, UH... MMM?

THOSE ARE THE ONES, UH,
WE'RE GONNA DISPOSE OF.

ALL RIGHT. AND THESE ARE
THE ONES WORTH CATALOGUING.

OH, VERY GOOD. MMM-HMM.

(Bertrille) HI. OH, HI.

KIND OF PSYCHEDELIC, HUH?

WELL, I HATE TO
BE CRITICAL, SISTER,

BUT AESTHETICALLY,
YOU'RE A NIGHTMARE.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT IT'S
GONNA LOOK LIKE ON THE WALLS.

THAT'S THE COLOR I MIXED. BOOK
WORM BLUE. IT'S MY OWN FORMULA.

WELL, I THINK THAT'S JUST THE
COLOR THESE WALLS CALL FOR.

NOW HERE'S A VOLUME I'LL
BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD.

"ILLUMINATED MANUSCRIPTS
OF THE 13TH CENTURY."

WHAT'S A BOOK LIKE THAT
DOING IN OUR LIBRARY?

YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

THIS HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF
MY OLD SCHOOL TEXTBOOKS.

YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED
IN THE STUDY OF OLD PARCHMENTS.

HMM, SOUNDS LIKE
AN ABSORBING STUDY.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I FINISHED
MY STUDIES, I HOPED...

[sighs]

OH, IT WAS MORE
OF A DREAM, REALLY,

I'D SPEND THE REST OF MY
LIFE IN THE VATICAN LIBRARY

IN RESEARCH OF OLD MANUSCRIPTS.

HMM.

BUT THINGS HAVEN'T WORKED
OUT THAT WAY SOMEHOW.

YEAH, BUT I BET A LOT OF INTERESTING
THINGS HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU.

OH, YES. I... I GET TO
TRAVEL A GREAT DEAL.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY
TIMES I'VE BEEN TRANSFERRED.

I CAN IMAGINE, BROTHER PAUL.

HEY, HERE'S SOMETHING.

"ECCLESIASTICAL
ENCYCLOPEDIA, 20 VOLUMES, 1897."

OH, SOMETHING ELSE
WE CAN KEEP, HUH?

ON THE CONTRARY, SISTER, A SET AS
OLD AS THAT IS A MENACE TO EDUCATION.

NO, OUT IT GOES. ALL RIGHT.

[sighs]

BROTHER PAUL, WOULD
YOU HAND ME A HAMMER?

I'VE GOT TO GET THIS
THING OUT OF THE WALL.

HERE YOU ARE. THANKS.

OH, SISTER, LET
ME. OH, I CAN DO IT.

NO, NO. THAT'S TOO
BIG FOR YOU TO HANDLE.

OH, DON'T, BOTHER... NO, NO,
SISTER BERTRILLE, I MUST INSIST.

OK.

SEE, IT'S REALLY NOT TOO
DIFFICULT ONCE YOU KNOW HOW.

[clearing throat]

NOW, I'VE DONE IT.

YOU CERTAINLY HAVE.

AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
THINGS WERE GOING SO WELL.

IT'S QUITE A LARGE
HOLE, ISN'T IT?

I THINK IT'S THE LARGEST
HOLE THAT WALL EVER HAD.

LOOKS LIKE THERE'S
SOMETHING INSIDE THE WALL.

OH, YEAH, STUCCO AND
ROCKS AND BOARDS.

NO, NO, I DON'T MEAN THAT. WHAT?

IT'S AN OLD PARCHMENT LIKE WE'VE
BEEN TALKING ABOUT. AND THERE'S MORE.

HEY, HOW DID THESE GET IN HERE?

I HAVEN'T THE VAGUEST IDEA.

OH, MY GOSH.

I'LL ADMIT I'M NOT MUCH OF AN
AUTHORITY ON OLD PARCHMENTS,

BUT I DO KNOW SOMETHING
ABOUT THEM. YEAH?

THESE COULD BE PRICELESS.
WELL, HOW DO WE FIND OUT?

I DON'T KNOW. LET ME TAKE A
LOOK AT THEM A LITTLE CLOSER.

OK.

MY MAGNIFYING GLASS. WHAT... WHAT
DID I DO WITH MY MAGNIFYING GLASS?

I DON'T KNOW. I
PUT IT IN MY POCKET.

MAYBE I DIDN'T. NOW,
WHAT COULD I HAVE...

SISTER BERTRILLE, SISTER BERTRILLE,
BROTHER PAUL, COME QUICKLY.

WHAT'S HAPPENED? SOMETHING'S
HAPPENED TO THE BOOKSHELVES.

THE BOOKSHELVES? OH, NO.
WELL, TELL US WHAT HAPPENED?

COME, YOU'LL SEE.

[sighing]

I FOUND IT.

MARVELOUS. AND YOU'VE GOT A
NICE HOT SUN TO FIGHT MILDEW.

HOW COULD SUCH A THING HAPPEN?

[sighing]

AS IF I DIDN'T KNOW.

BROTHER PAUL? BROTHER
PAUL, PLEASE COME OUT.

(Paul) GO AWAY,
SISTER BERTRILLE.

I WON'T GO AWAY. I
WANT TO TALK TO YOU,

AND I WILL IF I HAVE TO STAND HERE
AND POUND ON YOUR DOOR ALL DAY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, SISTER?

LOOK, BROTHER PAUL, THERE'S
NO REASON TO ACT LIKE THIS

JUST BECAUSE YOUR MAGNIFYING
GLASS BURNED UP THE BOOKSHELVES.

LOOK, LET'S FACE FACTS.
I'M A WALKING CATASTROPHE.

THAT'S NO REASON
TO ACT LIKE THIS.

AFTER ALL, WE CAN
BUY NEW BOOKSHELVES.

WITH WHAT?

HAS THE CONVENT GOT ANY MONEY?

NOT AT THE MOMENT.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
NOT AT ANY MOMENT.

SEE? WHY DON'T
YOU PLEASE GO AWAY

AND LET ME BROOD OVER THE UTTER
HOPELESSNESS OF MY SITUATION?

YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I STUDIED
ABOUT YOU IN PSYCHOLOGY 2.

UH, NOT YOU IN PARTICULAR,
BUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

MY PROFESSOR TOLD ME

THAT PEOPLE LIKE YOU EXPECT
TERRIBLE THINGS TO HAPPEN TO THEM,

SO NATURALLY, THEY
DO HAPPEN. BUT YOU SEE,

YOU HAVE TO KNOW...

BROTHER PAUL BLAMES
HIMSELF FOR EVERYTHING.

IN FACT, IN THE MOOD HE'S IN, HE'D
BLAME HIMSELF FOR STARTING WORLD WAR II.

YOU SAY HE'S LOCKED
HIMSELF IN HIS ROOM?

YEAH, FOR PRACTICALLY
THE WHOLE DAY.

I TELL YOU, I FEEL
SO SORRY FOR HIM.

SO DO I.

THERE MUST BE SOME WAY FOR
US TO GET NEW BOOKSHELVES.

I KNOW.

WHY DON'T WE CALL THE TRAITOR?

WHAT DO WE NEED WITH A SPY...

OH!

YOU MEAN A TRADER.

THAT'S IT.

SWAPPING SALVADOR, THE TRAITOR.

SAY, MAYBE SHE'S
GOT SOMETHING THERE.

WELL, YOU KNOW SWAPPING SALVADOR

TRADES ANYTHING FOR
ANYTHING TO ANYBODY,

ANYTIME AND NO CASH INVOLVED.

WELL, THAT'S A GOOD
THOUGHT, SISTER.

BUT WHAT HAVE WE GOT TO TRADE?

HMM? DON'T WORRY. WE
CAN DIG UP SOMETHING.

HAVE YOU GOT ANY BRIGHT IDEAS?

NO.

NEITHER HAVE I.

BUT I'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING.

I WONDER WHAT SHE'S
GOING TO COME UP WITH.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BUT, UH,
WHAT COMES UP HAS TO COME DOWN

AND WITH SISTER BERTRILLE, IT
USUALLY COMES DOWN WITH A THUD.

SURE.

I'VE GOT PLENTY. ABOUT, UH, 10
OF MY BOOKCASES SHOULD DO IT.

OH, SENOR SALVADOR, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
I KNEW WE COULD COUNT ON YOU.

WE'LL ADD AN EXTRA
PRAYER. HOLD IT.

YOU KNOW MY MOTTO.

NO CASH, NO CREDIT,
NO PRAYERS. I SWAP.

YES, OF COURSE.

YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING?

SURE HAVE. RIGHT OVER HERE.

BOOKS?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH BOOKS?

OLD BOOKS AT THAT.

YES, BUT DON'T YOU SEE? THAT-THAT'S
WHAT MAKES THEM SO VALUABLE.

THEY CONTAIN THE WISDOM
OF THE AGES. IS THAT SO?

THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF THE
WORLD'S GREATEST THINKERS

DOWN THROUGH
HISTORY. IS THAT SO?

THE PRICELESS HERITAGE OF THOSE
WHO HAVE LIVED AND DIED BEFORE US.

IS THAT SO?

IT'S A DEAL?

I DON'T WANT THEM.

IS THAT SO?

SENOR SWAPPING SALVADOR, WE
DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SWAP.

I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO
COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE.

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU
WOULDN'T WANT THESE OLD BOOKS.

WELL, NOW, UH, WAIT A MINUTE.

UH, MAYBE I WAS TOO HASTY.

AFTER ALL, WE'VE BEEN
DOING BUSINESS FOR YEARS.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU
SWAPPED ME THAT OLD CEMENT BIRD BATH

FOR A 2ND HAND
REFRIGERATOR? YEAH.

WELL, I LOST MONEY
ON THAT DEAL, TOO.

BUT I DON'T MIND. I LIKE YOU.

I LIKE THIS CONVENT,
I LIKE THE SISTERS,

I LIKE THE MOTHER SUPERIOR
AND I EVEN LIKE THE KIDS.

SO, I'LL SWAP.

THE BOOKSHELVES FOR THESE?

THAT'S THE DEAL.

I'LL GET MY HELPER TO
GIVE ME A HAND WITH THESE.

HE'S IN THE TRUCK OUTSIDE.

RIGHT.

OH, WAIT TILL I TELL BROTHER
PAUL THE GOOD NEWS.

IT'LL GIVE HIM A
NEW LEASE ON LIFE.

HELLO, SISTER.

HELLO, SALVADOR.
HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.

I UNDERSTAND, UH, SISTER
BERTRILLE MADE YOU A DEAL.

YES. AND I AM GYPPED AGAIN.

BUT YOU KNOW, FROM
HER, I DON'T MIND.

WELL, I... I JUST WANTED TO MAKE
SURE YOU GOT THE RIGHT BOOKS.

OH, I HAVE THE RIGHT
BOOKS, ALL RIGHT.

THE WISDOM OF THE AGES.

I SEE.

AND ARE YOU GOING TO IMBIBE
THE WISDOM OF THE AGES?

I WOULD NOT KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH IT.

BUT I WILL GET A FEW
DOLLARS FOR THE BOOKS.

SELLING THEM?

OH, NO, SISTER,
GRINDING THEM INTO PULP.

OH.

IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME,

I... I MUST GET THESE BOOKS ON
THE TRUCK, HUH? OH, YES. OF COURSE.

THANK YOU.

(Bertrille) BROTHER PAUL,

WHEN I DIDN'T FIND
YOU IN YOUR ROOM,

I SUSPECTED YOU WERE
DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

SISTER BERTRILLE,

LOCKED IN MY ROOM
I HAD TIME TO THINK.

AND I'VE DECIDED THAT I
LIKED YOUR CONVENT TOO MUCH

TO LET ME HAPPEN TO IT ANY
LONGER. SO I'M GOING AWAY.

OH, BOY, ARE YOU
PLAYING THE MARTYR BIT?

THAT'S NOT TRUE. OH, YES, IT IS.

SO YOU QUIT. YOU'RE
GONNA WALK OUT ON US.

YOU'RE GONNA THROW IN
THE SPONGE WITH OUR LIBRARY.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO
DO WHEN I CINDERED THE SHELVES?

I EXPECT YOU TO STAY AND
HELP US BUILD THE NEW SHELVES.

NEW SHELVES?

YES. SWAPPING SALVADOR
IS SENDING THEM OVER

AS SOON AS HE GETS
BACK TO HIS STORE.

SWAPPING SALVADOR?

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S A HE. AND HE'S A VERY
WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING

WHO WE DO BUSINESS WITH WHENEVER
WE'RE BROKE, WHICH IS ALL THE TIME.

SISTER BERTRILLE, I'M DELIGHTED.

OH, BUT, UH, WHAT ABOUT
THE BIG HOLE I PUT IN THE WALL?

WE CAN COVER IT UP.

SPEAKING ABOUT THAT LARGE HOLE,

WHAT ABOUT THOSE
PARCHMENTS YOU FOUND?

GEE, IN MY GRIEF, I
FORGOT ABOUT THEM.

BUT YOU'RE RIGHT, SISTER. I WAS A
FOOL TO HAVE GIVEN UP SO EASILY.

WHY, IF THOSE PARCHMENTS
ARE WORTH WHAT I THINK THEY ARE,

I'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE UP FOR
EVERYTHING I'VE DONE TO THIS CONVENT.

AND YOU WERE JUST ABOUT TO FIND OUT IF
THEY WERE WORTH ANYTHING, REMEMBER?

THE LIBRARY. LET'S GET BACK
TO THE LIBRARY. YES. RIGHT.

[whistles]

WHAT? AREN'T YOU
FORGETTING SOMETHING?

NOW, WHEN SISTER ANA RAN
IN TO TELL US ABOUT THE, UM,

THE ACCIDENT,

I BECAME RATHER
UPSET. THAT'S NATURAL.

SO I QUICKLY PLACED
THE PARCHMENTS

IN A VOLUME OF AN OLD
ENCYCLOPEDIA FOR SAFEKEEPING.

THAT'S LOGICAL.

THEN I PUT THE
ENCYCLOPEDIA DOWN...

THAT'S SMART.

ON THIS PILE OF BOOKS.

THAT'S TERRIBLE.

THERE... THERE'RE NO BOOKS.

OF COURSE THERE'RE NO BOOKS,
BECAUSE THAT'S THE PILE OF DISCARD BOOKS

WE WERE GONNA THROW
AWAY. WELL, I REALIZE THAT NOW.

I MUST HAVE BEEN A
BIT, UH, CONFUSED. YEAH.

ANYWAY, ALL IS NOT LOST.
WHERE ARE THE DISCARD BOOKS?

WELL, THEY'RE NOT HERE BECAUSE
WE GAVE THEM TO SWAPPING SALVADOR

FOR THE NEW BOOKSHELVES.

SISTER JACQUELINE, OH.

WERE YOU THERE WHEN
SWAPPING SALVADOR

PICKED UP THOSE BOOKS? MMM-HMM.

DID HE TELL YOU WHERE
HE WAS TAKING THEM? YES.

HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO TAKE THEM BACK
TO HIS PLACE AND GRIND THEM INTO PULP.

WHAT?

I THINK I'M GOING TO FAINT.

WELL, FIND YOURSELF SOMEPLACE
COMFORTABLE AND LIE DOWN AND FAINT.

I'VE GOT WORK TO DO.

[whirring]

NOT THAT ONE, SENOR SALVADOR.

SISTER BERTRILLE, WHERE
DID YOU COME FROM?

OH, I JUST DROPPED
IN FOR THAT BOOK.

YOU SEE, IT HAS SOMETHING IN IT

THAT WE WOULDN'T WANT
GROUND UP INTO PULP.

OH, SURE, SISTER, SURE.

BUT, IS THERE ANYTHING
ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE? NO.

[truck engine starts]

WHERE'S THAT TRUCK GOING?

TO YOUR CONVENT, WITH
YOUR LIBRARY SHELVES.

OH, COULD I HITCH A RIDE?

SISTER, DO YOU THINK
IT IS PROPER FOR A NUN

OF THE CONVENT SAN
TANCO TO RIDE IN A TRUCK?

SENOR SALVADOR, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
THE NUNS OF THE CONVENT OF SAN TANCO

RIDE IN THE STATION
WAGON THEY RIDE IN?

[birds chirping]

A FEW DAYS AWAY AND
JUST LOOK AT THIS DESK.

OH, WILL YOU FILE THIS AWAY
FOR ME, PLEASE, SISTER ANA?

BY THE WAY, HOW'S OUR
NEW LIBRARY COMING ALONG?

I DON'T LIKE TO BE THE PURVEYOR
OF BAD NEWS, REV. MOTHER.

I SEE.

BROTHER PAUL?

I'M SURE SISTER BERTRILLE
TRIED HER VERY BEST.

YES, I'M SURE SHE DID.

COME ALONG,
SISTER. COME WITH ME.

REV. MOTHER, I DON'T THINK
I'D GO IN THERE IF I WERE YOU.

SISTER ANA,

SINCE THE FIRST DAYS OF MY
BEING ASSIGNED TO THIS CONVENT,

I HAVE EXPERIENCED HURRICANES,
TIDAL WAVES, AND OTHER MAJOR DISASTERS

AND I THINK THAT
I CAN STAND UP TO

WHATEVER BROTHER PAUL OR SISTER
BERTRILLE HAVE DONE TO OUR LIBRARY.

WELL, I... I JUST
WANTED TO SPARE YOU.

THANK YOU, SISTER.

HI. WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IT'S ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.

WE'RE RATHER PROUD OF IT.

A PLACE FOR EVERY BOOK
AND EVERY BOOK IN ITS PLACE.

I THINK THESE TWO DESERVE
A WHOPPING 3 CHEERS.

I HEARTILY AGREE.

BROTHER PAUL, SISTER BERTRILLE,

YOU'VE DONE A MAGNIFICENT JOB.

HAVEN'T THEY, SISTER ANA?

YES, THEY HAVE.

UH, OF COURSE. WE'RE NOT
C-COMPLETELY THROUGH YET.

NO, THERE ARE A FEW
MORE DETAILS LEFT.

OH.

YES. UH, SUCH AS, UH, NEW
BLINDS FOR THE WINDOWS.

YES. THESE UP HERE
ARE TOO WORN NOW.

OH, HERE. LET... LET
ME DO... OH, I CAN DO IT.

NO, NO, NO, NO. I
KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

NO, NO, THERE'S A
SLIGHT TRICK TO IT.

YOU SEE, UH, IT'S VERY SIMPLE. YOU
JUST GIVE IT A QUICK TUG, LIKE THIS.

I CAN'T GET OVER IT, A REQUEST FOR
ME TO WORK IN THE VATICAN LIBRARY.

WELL, WHAT OTHER
REWARD DO YOU EXPECT

FOR THE DISCOVERY OF THE
FAMOUS SAN TANCO SCROLLS?

BUT THIS WAS MY
LIFE-LONG AMBITION.

I... I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D REALIZE IT.

IT'S A MIRACLE.

IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU,

IF YOU'RE IN SAN JUAN, EVERYTHING
CAN'T BE SO ROTTEN IN DENMARK.

WHAT I STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT IS

WHY THOSE PARCHMENTS
WERE PLACED IN THE WALLS.

WELL, UH, BROTHER
PAUL, LEGEND HAS IT

THAT WHEN THE PIRATE LAFITTE
LOOTED THIS PART OF THE NEW WORLD,

MANY VALUABLES WERE PLACED IN
THE WALLS OF THE OLD BUILDINGS.

MANY VALUABLES?

OH, REV. MOTHER, DO YOU
THINK THAT... SISTER BERTRILLE.

WHAT? WE ARE NOT GOING
TO DEMOLISH THE WALLS

OF THIS CONVENT
BECAUSE OF A LEGEND.

UH, BROTHER PAUL, YOU
WILL BE INTERESTED TO KNOW

THAT THE SAN JUAN HISTORICAL
SOCIETY IS GOING TO EXHIBIT

THE PARCHMENTS THAT
YOU FOUND TO THE PUBLIC

BEFORE THEY'RE SENT
ON TO THE VATICAN.

AND GIVE THE CONVENT A VERY
NICE DONATION FOR THE PRIVILEGE.

THANKS TO YOU, BROTHER PAUL.

OH, IT... IT WAS NOTHING.

I MEAN,

ANYBODY COULD HAVE ACCIDENTALLY
BROKEN INTO THE WALL LIKE THAT.

NOT ANYBODY, BROTHER
PAUL, NOT ANYBODY.

WELL, I SUPPOSE
YOU'RE RIGHT, SISTER.

BUT FINDING THOSE MANUSCRIPTS
HAS GIVEN ME NEW COURAGE.

I HAVE A FEELING

THAT THERE WON'T BE ANY
MORE CATASTROPHES IN MY LIFE.

WELL, GOODBYE TO YOU ALL

AND THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

GOD BE WITH YOU,
BROTHER PAUL. THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, I'M ALMOST CONVINCED THINGS
WILL BE DIFFERENT WITH HIM FROM NOW ON.

YES, I THINK THAT HE PROBABLY HAS
GOTTEN OVER BEING ACCIDENT PRONE.

WELL, I HOPE... [screams]

[exclaims]

I WONDER IF IT'S CATCHING.