The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 6, Episode 16 - Fred Goes Ape - full transcript

Fred has violent sneezing caused by an allergy. To stop the sneezing, he goes to the drug store for a bottle of "Scram." Each such pill stops a fit of sneezing, but has the side effect of turning Fred temporarily into an ape.


It's a right to the jaw
by Stony Crevice.

Rocky Neanderthal

with a stiff uppercut
to the jaw.

The fighters
are slugging it out.

The crowd
is going wild.

Come on, Rocky boy!
Give him the old one-two!

[Bell rings]

Boy, what a round,
huh, Fred?

What a great idea,
putting in the extra TV sets.

Now we can all watch
programs we want

at the same time.

We're watching
the fights.

The kids are watching
a cartoon.

Wilma and Betty are watching
their favorite program.

Everybody's happy.

Yeah. No arguments. No fuss.
No twisting the dial.

[Ah... ah...]

Oh, I'm going
to sneeze.

That darn allergy
of mine.

[Ah... ah...]


[Glass breaking]

Gee, Fred, look.

You sneezed a hole
right through the TV tube.

Now we're going to miss
the rest of the fight.

Oh, no, we're not.
We'll watch it on Wilma's set.



meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy

Of Fred's two feet

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

[Fred] Oh, darling,
I, uh...

No, Fred. You cannot
watch the fight on my set.

What do you mean,
your set? I paid for it.

Sorry. This set
is in use.

Well, of all
the nerve.

I, uh--



Sorry, girls.

Really, Fred!

You've simply
got to do something

about your allergy.

That sneeze of yours
is a lethal weapon.


ah-Choo, ah-Choo]

from an allergy?

Can't stop sneezing?

Then it's time
to take a scram.

When you feel
a sneeze coming on,

Just take a scram and watch
the surprising result.



Oh, I go for a man
who doesn't sneeze.

Scram. We want
to be alone.

Scram works
every time.

Nice commercial,
huh, Fred?

Almost makes me
wish I had an allergy.

Come on, Barney.
Let's go.

Where are you going?
It's late.

Where do you think?

To the drugstore
to get some scram.

What's the hurry?
Pick some up in the morning.

[Ah... ah... ah-Choo]

O.K., Fred, let's go.
I can take a hint.

[Telephone ringing]



[Squawk squawk]

Bedrock Pharmacy.
Bedrock Pharmacy.

We give stamps.
We give stamps.

This is
a recording.

That's fine, Polly.

Let me have
the phone now.

I'll take care
of it.

Bedrock pharmacy.
Goosepimple speaking.

Oh, it's you,
Mrs. Boulderdane.

Yes, your prescription
is ready.

Come right in.
Yes. Ta-Ta.

Now, polly,
let's see

if my little pills
are done.

Crazy pills.
Crazy pills.

crazy pills.

you balmy bird.

I'll make a fortune
out of them.

pepstone pills.

to cure everything.

Also can be used
as a detergent for your laundry

or to remove stains
from your rug.

You know, polly,
I should try one first

before putting them
on sale.


Not bad. Not bad.

I'm beginning to feel
like a new man already.

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

It's me,
Mr. Goosepimple.

I've come
for my prescription.

Oh, Mr. Goosepimple,
where are you?

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

Oh, there you are,
Mr. Goosepimple.

I-- Aah! Help! Help!

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

Well, here
we are, Bar--


You know, Fred,

If you could harness
the power in that sneeze,

We could forget
about paying electric bills.

Never mind
the wisecracks.

I need some
of that scram.

Yo, Mr. Goosepimple!
Mr. Goosepimple!

I wonder
where he is.

Goosepimple is out.
Goosepimple is out.

This is a recording.

Oh, thank you
very much.

Now what do I do
about my allergy?

Look there, Fred--

Enough scram
to supply an army.

Of course, it would have to
be an army of sneezers.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha.

You wouldn't think
it was so funny

if you had...


Uh-Oh. Looks like you
just bought yourself

a life supply of scram.

one bottle left.

I'll take it now.

I'll pay Mr. Goosepimple later.

Let's get out
of here, Barney.

I feel better

[Eee eee eee
eee eee ooh]

Oh, my. I feel
so strange.

What am I doing
out here?

The last thing
I remember

is taking one
of my pepstone pills.

I wonder if that
has anything to do with it.

Hmm. I'd better have
another look at those pills.

This night air has made
me hungry, Barney.

How about stopping off
at the pizza rock palace

for a little snack?

O.K. I could go for
a piece o' pizza myself.

Now, let me
get-a this straight.

That's two bowls
of minestony,

Two king-size
pizza rocks,

Two side orders
of pterodactyl cacciatore,

and for dessert,

Two extra-Large portions
of macaroni spumone.

And that's it
for me, waiter.

What are you
having, Barney?

You got me, Fred.
After that order,

they'll probably have to
send out for something.

Ha ha! Send out?
That's a good one.

Hey, Fred, I just
thought of something.

Betty and Wilma don't know
we're stopping off.

Oh, that's right.
They'll be worried.

Phone and let them
know where we are.

Good idea.

[Ah... ah...]


You don't have to
get pushy, Fred.

I told you I'd phone.

Oh, that settles it.

Either that allergy
goes, or I do.

I'm going to take

one of these scram
pills right now.

Here's where medical
science goes to work.

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

Here you are, mister.

I bring you
the other bowl of soup

in a couple
of minutes.

[Eee eee eee eee]

Huh? Help!

[Eee eee]

[Ooh ooh
ooh ooh ooh]

I spoke to Betty, Fred.

She and Wilma want us
to bring them home a pizza.

[Eee eee eee
ooh ooh ooh]

What do you say, Fred?
You're mumbling again.

[Ooh ooh ha ha]

O.K., What's the joke?
I bite.

Ha ha ha! Very funny,
Fred, very funny.

For a minute,
I thought you was an ape.

Ha ha ha!

Hey, that's a very
good mask, Fred.

Where'd you get it?

[Rrrr rrr]

[Ooh ohh
ha ha hee hee]

W-Wait a minute.

I've seen this bit
before on TV.

The horror show--
Yeah, it's no stunt.

I don't know what happened,

But Fred has really
turned into an ape.

Oh, tough luck, Fred,

But I'm getting
out of here.

[Ee ee hee hee]

Help! Help!
Somebody, help!

My pal has gone ape!

Help! Help!
Call the zoo!

Get the nets!

I'll net you, mister.

What's all
the hollering about?

It's my friend Fred.
He's turned simian.

I don't care what
his political views are.

Stop disturbing
the peace.

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

W-W-Who's that?

That used to be
Fred Flintstone.

Let me out of here!

Me, too!

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

Poor Wilma. How will I ever
break the news to her?

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

[Ee ooh ee ooh]

Oh, well, maybe she won't
notice the difference.

Ha ha ha!

I asked Barney
to bring home a pizza.

They should be
here any minute.

[Yum yum yum yum yum]

Ha ha ha!

Yes, Dino. They'll bring
some for you, too.

Oh, boy, have I got
something to tell you, Wilma.

I know.
Fred dropped the pizza.

Oh, it's worse than that.

Maybe you'd better
sit down.

She is
sitting down.

Oh. Well, maybe you could
take it better standing up.

What, Barney?
Is anything happened to Fred?

Well, yes,
you might say that.

What's happened to him,
Barney? Tell me.

Well, to put it
bluntly, Wilma,

Your husband has reversed
the process of evolution.

He's what?

Wilma, how would you feel

about having another pet
around the house?

Stop this silly
chattering, Barney.

It's Fred who's
doing the chattering.

He's turned
into an ee ee ee!

What's an ee ee?

If this is one of your gags,
we don't get it.

Well, let me
put it this way--

Fred has turned
into an ape!


Oh, I don't
believe it.

I know Fred has
bad manners,

but he's not an ape.

[Eee ooh eee ooh]

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

What's that?

That's Fred. Don't say
I didn't warn you.

[Eee eee]


Boy, do I feel funny.

It must have been something
in my minestony soup.

And where did Barney go?

Boy, some friend.

Hi, Wilma. I'm back.


It's you.

What happened?
You're not an ape anymore.

Ape? What are you
talking about?

And why did you run off
and leave me, Barney?

Imagine-- Telling us
that Fred was an ape

and upsetting Wilma
like that.

He said what?

Barney, are you trying
to make a monkey out of me?

I'll take care
of it, Fred.

Just wait till
I get you home.

Honest, Betty.

He hit me and jumped
up and down on the chair,

And he kept yelling,
"eee eee eee!"

What is he
talking about?

What is
this "eee eee" stuff?

He'll get over it,
I'm sure.

By the way, do you
know what tomorrow is?

Sure. Sunday.

I've already
made out my schedule.

First I get up late.
Then I eat.

Then I go back
to bed.

Then I--

Wrong schedule, Fred.

Tomorrow is the day you promised
to take Pebbles to the Zoo.

The zoo? But--But--

Maybe the animals
aren't feeling well.

I hear there's a Zoo
virus going around.

We'll wear face masks.

Good night, Fred.
I'm going to bed.

Eee eee! Ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

"Eee eee."
That's cute.

I think I'll read
a little bit

before I hit the sack.

I haven't seen--

[Ah... ah...]


Sorry, Dino.

Guess it's time
for another scram pill.


Oh, boy, I feel
better already.

Sort of makes me
feel like a new man.

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

[Ooh ooh eee eee]

Can't I apologize
in the morning?

It's kind of late, Betty.

I don't care.

You march right back
there and apologize.

But honest, Betty,
Fred was an ape,

with a furry face
and everything.

Barney, you were
imagining it.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

It must have been a
hallucination, whatever that is.

I'll go over
and apologize right now.

That's the spirit.

Maybe I ought to
see a doctor or something--

Thinking my best pal's
gone ape.

Oh, I'm glad you're
still up, Fred.

About this
monkey business--

I hope you didn't
take me seriously.

[Eee ee]

Uh, yeah. Well,
as I was saying,

You're no more
an ape than I am.

[Eee eee]

That does it!

Help! Help! Help!

what's wrong?


You know that
hallucination of mine?

Well, it ain't.

Fred is standing in the
doorway eating a banana,

And he's a genuine
100% ape.

That does it, Barney.
You and your jokes.

Don't talk to me!

That's what I always
liked about Betty.

She's got complete
faith in me.

Zoo. Zoo. Zoo.

That's right,

We're at the zoo.

Daddy always keeps
his word to you.

Especially when
mommy makes him.

Gee, Betty, I'm so pleased
that you and Barney

decided to spend
the day with us.

Me, too. I thought you
said Fred was an ape.

That was last night.
He must have slept it off.

Well, what will it be,

woolly mammoths, apes?

I saw one last night.
No, thanks.


Let's watch
the pterodactyls.

They're fun, huh?

That's O.K. With me,

The pterodactyls it is.

[Wah wah]

Oh, what is it,

I think she wants
to see the apes, Fred.

Ape. Ape.
Good. Good.

Later, honey, later.

Right now daddy's
going to take you

to see the big,
funny birds.

[Wah wah]

All right, all right.
All right!

We'll go see the apes.

Wilma, why don't you
and Barney and Betty

go see the pterodactyls,
and we'll meet you there later?

O.K., Fred.
Bye-Bye, Pebbles.

Remember, Pebbles,
this is the last time

you're getting
your own way...

at least
for this afternoon.

Ha ha ha!

Here we are, sugar.
This one is called Annie.

Hi, annie. You read
any good books lately?

[Eee eee rrr]

Oh, boy, what a temper.

I wouldn't want
to be her boyfriend.

No wonder
she's still single.

Ha ha ha!

I feel a sneeze
coming on.

[Ah... ah...

I'd better
take a scram.

[Eee eee eee eee]

Goo goo! Ha ha!
Funny daddy.

[Eee eee ooh ooh]

And I gave her
a good piece of my mind.

I said, "Helen,
if you can't manage

"Your household
any better than this,

I'll stop
coming over for supper."

Oh, that was putting her
in her place, Minerva.

She's such a busybody,

[Eee ee ee]

Oh, isn't that cute?

That ape is pushing
that baby carriage.

Yes. Isn't
that darling?


Oh, help! Help!
Loose ape!

call the keeper!


Quiet down, ladies.
Quiet down.

This is
a respectable Zoo.

What's all
the racket about?

[Babbling incoherently]

[Ooh ee ee ee]

Ha ha ha!

Holy mackerel! An ape!

Hey, you!
Stop in the name of the law!

[Ee ee]

Come back here with that kid,
you big ape!

[Ee ee ee]

There's the kid's

but where's the kid?

What the--

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

All right, wise guy,
give me that hat.

Give me that hat!

Come on, fellow.
Be reasonable.

Let me have
that kid.

I'll give you
some bananas.

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

I'll "eee ee" you when I get
my hands on you, wise guy.

Hey, cut that out!

Let me off! Let me off!

Which way
did they go, Annie?

[Ooh ooh ooh]


Boy, if there's one thing
I can't stand,

It's a wise-Guy ape.

Well, here's the baby.
Thank goodness.

Which way
did the ape go, kid?

Daddy. Dada.
Ha ha ha!

Oh, never mind.
I'll find him.

You stay here
till I come back.

[Eee eee]


What an ugly statue.
I never noticed it before.

That's no statue.
That's the ape.

All right, you!
Stay where you are.

Halt! Halt, or I'll use
my tranquilizer gun.


O.K., You're asking
for it, ape.




That takes care
of him.

Hey, that's not
one of our apes.

He must have escaped
from another Zoo.

Well, I'll just
throw him in with Annie

While we run
a check on him.

How about that?

Annie seems to like
the new ape.

If nobody claims him,
we'll just keep him.

Anyway, he'll be safe
in there.

[Eee eee ooh]

Gee, Wilma, the longer
we're married,

the more
I appreciate you.

You're a wonderful
wife, Wilma.

[Eee eee ooh ooh]

You're not Wilma!

Y-Y-You're Annie!

Let me out of here!

[Ooh ooh]

Help! Help!

Let me out of here!

Somebody do something!

Let me out of this cage!
Help! Help!

I don't
understand it.

Fred said he'd meet us
here an hour ago.

I'm sure there's nothing
to worry about, Wilma.

Yeah. I mean, what's the worst
that could have happened?

So he got bit
by a saber-toothed tiger.

Will you be quiet?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Mamma! Mamma!


What are you
doing all alone?

Where's daddy?

Daddy. Ha ha!
Funny daddy.

Help! Help!
Don't just stand there.

Somebody call
the zoo keeper.

What an act.

They should be
on television.

It's Fred.
What's he doing in there?

Ha ha ha!
Always the funny man.

Hey, Fred! What are you
doing in there?

What do you think
I'm doing? Surfing?

Get me out of here!

Oh, dear.
What will we do?

That ape
will hurt Fred.

Bam bam bam bam!

Bam bam!


Bam bam bam bam bam!

That-a boy, bamm-Bamm.
Oh, such strength!

Well, like father,
like son.

Fred, are you
all right?

Yeah, thanks
to Bamm-Bamm,

But please,
Wilma, from now on,

If Pebbles wants to go
to the zoo, you take her.

Anything you say, dear.

How did you get in that
cage in the first place?

Yeah. Something like that
can cause a lot of talk.

What's the story?

Beats me.
All I can remember

Is waking up and thinking
that ape was Wilma.

Oh, is that so?

You want me to put you
back with Annie?

Ha ha ha!
No, honey.

Honestly, you're my first
choice anytime.

Oh, Fred,
you big ape.

Ha ha ha!


Well, looks like
I got you, Barney.

Your move.

My move, huh?

Let me see. There must
be some way out--

[Ah... ah... ah-Choo]

Well, there goes
the checkers.

I guess we can
call it a draw.

Draw? I ought to
clobber you,

sneezing my men
off the board!

Oh, I'm sorry, Fred.

I guess
I caught your--

[Ah... ah...

Your allergy.
I'd better go home.

I don't want you
to spend the night

on account of me.

Here. Take the last
of my scram pills.

Oh, thanks, Fred.

You'll feel like a new man
in a few minutes.

Yeah. I'll just go home
and get some sleep.

Good night, Fred.

Fred's right.
I feel different already.

[Eee eee]

[Eee eee eee]

Huh? Huh?

Hey, Wilma!

What is it, Fred?
You'll wake up Pebbles.

It's Barney!
He turned into an ape!

Oh, no, not again.

[Eee eee eee
eee eee]

[Hee hee hee]

She says he causes trouble
when you let him in the room

He will never ever leave you

If your heart is
felled with gloom

So let the sun shine in

Face it with a grin

Open up you heart

And let the sun shine in

Let the sun shine in