The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 6, Episode 15 - How to Pick a Fight with Your Wife Without Really Trying - full transcript

Spats between spouses escalate to such a degree that the couples split: Fred and Barney are thrown together as roommates, while Wilma and Betty are bunking together at the other house.

Hope Fred's in the mood for
bacon and eggs this morning.

[Cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo]

[Sniff sniff sniff]

Mmm. I wish she'd make me
some bacon.

The eggs I can make myself.

It's 7:00.

Dino, go wake daddy.
Breakfast is ready.



Dino, it's 7:00!

Hurry up!
Go wake daddy!

[Arr arr]


[Arr arr arr]


[Arr arr arr]


All right, you two
sleeping beauties,

Up! Come on.

Up! Up! Up!

Oh! Oh!
It's cold!

Wilma, what happened
to all the hot water?

I'm sorry, Fred.
I used it to do the wash.

Personally, I'm glad
there's no hot water.

It stings my trunk.

Wilma, where's the soap?

It's probably right where
you left it yesterday.

Where's that?


On the floor.

Never mind.
I found it.



meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy

Of Fred's two feet

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

Looks like
daddy got up

on the wrong side
of the bed.

All right, honey.
Sip your milk.

Girls who drink
their milk

grow up to be
nice and pretty.

Dada! Da!

Pitty. Pitty. Pitty.

That's a good girl.


the matter now?

Cut out putting so much
starch in my laundry.

Ho ho!
I'm sorry, Fred.

Eat your breakfast
while it's still hot.

You call this
a three-Minute egg?

It's practically

Ahh, some breakfast.



Ha ha ha ha!

I'm going, Wilma.

Boy, what a way
to start the day--

No hot water,
no breakfast.


Fred, for goodness sake!

You're in my flower bed!

Who left the hose out?

You did!


Have a good day,

Oh, thank you,

When you get home,

You can
mow the lawn.

It always looks so nice
when you do it.

betty, baby.

I'll be glad to.

Your wife's
nagging you, too?

Boy, they're
all alike.

No, Fred.
She wasn't nagging.

She was suggesting
that I mow the lawn

because it always
looks so nice.

What you like that?

You don't even know
when you're being nagged.

isn't like that.

Oh, no? Let me
give you an example.

What's the first thing

She said to you
this morning?

I think It was, "good
morning, sweetheart."

And the next thing?

Then she kissed me and said,
"I'll draw your bath."


Aha, what, Fred?

Don't you see?

First thing
in the morning,

and she's already
nagging you

to take a bath.

Uh-Oh. Here comes that
loudmouth, Fred Flintstone.

How much longer
will you take

that kind
of treatment, Barney?

As for me,
I am revolting.

You certainly are,
Mr. Flintstone.

Barney, look who
just dropped in--

The great Gazoo.

Oh, yeah.
Hi there, Gazoo.

I've been listening to you
rave, Mr. Flintstone.

Boy, you're
a ding-a-Ling,

A regular hoopla,

Or, as you
earth people say,

You're a...a...
what's that word?

Hey! Watch where
you're going, you kook!

That's the word!
As I was saying, you're a kook.

Mr. Smart guy,

What do you think
I ought to do?

As long as
you're asking,

First, start acting
like an adult.

Huh? An adult?

Yeah. That's being

Men have
the superior mind.

Women-- Well, they're
just like children,

and they should be
treated like children.

Yeah. You know,
you're right, Gazoo.

Women are like
little children.

Men are just like

And they have to be
treated like children.

You're right.
Fred may not look like one,

but sometimes he acts
like a great big baby.

Don't forget,
it's the woman

who has
the superior mind.

Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Thanks for
the lift, Fred.

It's O.K. I'll see you
in the morning.


Don't forget
what Mr. Gazoo said.

Don't worry, Barney.

I'm ready
for the children's hour,

with the superior mind.



[Door opens]

Wilma, I'm as hungry
as a bear!

Is dinner ready?


I'm home!
Where's my dinner?

Hi, Fred. I'm sorry.
Dinner isn't ready yet.

What do you mean?

What goes on
around here?

What have you been doing
all day?

The least you can--

I almost forgot.

Women are like children.

[Girl's voice]
The washing machine broke.

I did the laundry
by hand.

I cleaned the house,
mowed the lawn,

and did
the shopping.

all right, dear.

I realize
that's a lot.

If dinner's late,
daddy understands.

I'll just read the paper
till it's ready.

By the way,
where's the paper?

It hasn't come yet.

It hasn't come yet?

Almost forgot.
Men are like children,

Especially my man.

My paper
didn't come yet.

I want my paper!
Give me my paper!

I want it!

All right.
All right, dear.

When I finish

I'll go out
and get you a paper.

There, there, now.

All right.

All right, Wilma.

I don't know.

This theory has worked
millions of years, Flintstone.

You're the first
to find a bug in it.

Maybe I'm the first
with a wife like Wilma.

I treated her
like a child,

used my superior mind,

and for dinner,
she gave me pablum!

Flintstone, I just
got another idea.

Maybe what
your marriage lacks

Is togetherness.

Maybe you need
a common interest,

something you can do

Ahh, she don't like pool
or bowling or golf.

Oh, no, no, no.

I was thinking
more of a parlor game

of some sort.

Hey! Hey! Now you're
talking, Gazoo!

Wilma loves
playing games.

On my way home
from work tomorrow,

I'll pick up

I don't know, Betty.

Fred seems to be
getting worse--

Arguing, complaining
for no good reason.

What's he got
to complain about?

He's taking you
for granted, Wilma.

When did you last
go out to dinner?

Hmm. Gosh,
it's been months.

I make Barney take
me out once a week,

Whether I
feel like it or not.

Fred's idea of fun
is to eat, read,

and fall asleep.

Well, I'm changing
all that.

He's going to take me
out once a week.

Starting tonight.

The sooner,
the better.

A husband and wife
should go out together,

Play together,
do everything together.

That's what makes

Seymour, what's
all this nonsense

about togetherness?

Who cares?
Let's go home.

It's on
the next corner.

I see it.

Games and novelties.

Maybe we can find something
here for togetherness.

Can I help you?

I'm looking
for a game

that will promote

for you two?

No, not him. I'm married
to somebody else.

I have
just the thing--

A his-And-Her
pool table.

How does that promote

When you're
not using it,

It converts
into a love seat.

That's something, Fred.

Wilma hates
to play pool.

Here's something
that's all the rage--

A skateboard for two.

This really
throws you together.

I was thinking of
something a little more...


this game, sir.

It's called Rockopoly,
two or more can play.

Hey, I played that once.

You use phony money

and sell each other
buildings, bridges,

and bus lines.

Whoever winds up owning
everything is the winner.

Hey, that sounds
like fun.

I'll take it.

Wait a minute.

That game
is complicated.

So what?
I'll explain it to Wilma.

That will be $3.00,
plus 3%.

Hmm. $3.00, plus 3%.

Now, let me see,

you take the...

and you...


take it
out of this fiver.

I'll take the game
out to the ca--Arrr!

your change, sir!

I took out $1.50
for the skateboard.


I forgot
to tell you.

That board has the
seal of approval

of the National
Orthopedic Society.


Wilma, that dress
is simply stunning!

And that hairdo--

It's gorgeous!

Wait till Fred
sees you.

[Brakes screech]

That's Fred now.
I'll sneak out the back.

Good luck, Wilma.

Hello, Fred, dear.

Oh, hiya, Wilma.

Fred, how do I look?

You look fine.

Don't you
feel well?

Fred, the dress.
Look at my dress.

Don't worry.
Nobody will see you.

We're staying home,
playing Rockopoly.


It's a great game, Wilma!

It promotes

I was planning
a big evening,

a show at the club vulture.

That's ridiculous.

Who ever heard
of playing Rockopoly

in a night club?

Oh, Fred!

Look, Betty and Barney
will be here soon.

I'll finish setting up
for the game.


Go ahead, Wilma, honey.
Your turn.

All right.


one, two, three.

That puts me
in Rockaway Plaza.

That's my property!

That will cost you
100 smackers.

Come on! Pay up!

O.K., Scrooge.

Hee hee!

Your turn, Barn.

Yeah. O.K.

It's seven.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.

Aha! You're on
my apartment building

on granite avenue!

You owe me 300 bucks.
Get it up!

Fred, it's only a game.

I'm just like
them big tycoons.

I play to win.

Pay up, or get out
of the game.

But I'm busted.

it's your turn.

I don't have
money, either.

I'll take a mortgage
on your orphan's home.

Shoot the dice!

Don't sit there
like a dummy!

Don't talk that way
to our guests.

we'd better go home.

No. You can't
leave the game

till I foreclose
on your orphan's home!

I've had enough
of this game

and your childish
behavior, Fred.

My childish behavior?

Look who's talking.

Fred, please.
We have guests.

"Fred, please" me,

Because I've had it.

What does
that mean?

It means that I'm finally
using my superior mind.

I am moving out!

Wow. This is more laughs
than Peytonrock Place.

I guess you didn't hear.
I'm moving out.

I heard.

Begging won't
do you any good.

I'm through--
T-H-R-O-O. Through.

What do you think
of that?

That you're
a terrible speller,

And I was wrong about
your acting like a child.

You're acting like
an infant.

Should you wish
to contact me,

I will be residing
with my friend Bernard.

Who's that, Fred?

You, stupid!
Come on.

Go with him,

Maybe you can
cool him down.

Aren't you coming,

No. I'll stay
with Wilma.

At a time like this
she may need me.


Coming. I hope you know
what you're doing.

Of course I know.

Wilma, just to show you
I'm not a child,

You know the millions
you owe me from the game?

I'm forgetting it.





[Barney] Looks like Dino
don't want you to go.


Hey, Fred, get up.

You'll be late
for work.

O.K., O.K., Wilma.
I'm up. I'm up.

you're not Wilma!

What are you
doing here?

This is my house,

and I've been trying
to get you up.


What do you like
for breakfast?

Anything. Steak, dodo eggs,
bacon, toast, sausages,

Rock muffins, pancakes,
cereal, french toast, pizza.

Which do you want?

All of them!
I'm starved!

Hey, Barney!

Yeah, what, Fred?

There's no hot water
for my shower!

Sorry. I guess I used
it up doing the wash.

Oh, boy.
Sounds like home.

Sit down
and have breakfast.

While you're eating,
I'll shave.

[Clank clank]

I'll bet the dinosaur
that laid this egg

is already extinct.

about the bathroom--

I don't like
to complain, but--

Then don't!

Then congratulations
on your mess!

You know, Barney, you're
even worse than Wilma.

I wonder what
she's doing now.

Well, what a charming
domestic scene this is.

You here again?

If you're here
with more advice,

save your breath.

Wait a minute,

You know what
I'm going to do now?

I'm going to go home
and apologize to Wilma

for the way I acted.

That's the worst thing
you could do.

Are you forgetting

that you have
the superior mind?

Let her make
the first move.


She's probably
pining away right now.


I appreciate
your staying with me.

You don't have to.
Barney needs you.

He'll be all right.

Besides, I don't
want to go home

while that
big lug's there.

Please, betty.

You're talking
about my husband.

Ha ha ha ha!

She was right
the first time.

Did you
hear that?

Yeah. You had Wilma
pegged right, mr. Gazoo.

She's over there
crying her eyes out.

I don't know, Fred.

It sounds more like
laughing to me.

Don't be silly.
What's she got to laugh about?

Would you laugh
if I walked out on you?


I don't know
if I'd laugh,

but it made me feel good
just thinking about it.

Just remember,

Don't weaken.

You're fighting for all
husbands everywhere.


The outcome is assured,

It's men who have
the superior mind.

You're right.

Only one thing.

What's that?

If I've got
such a superior mind,

how come I'm mixed up
in this nutty situation?

Ha ha ha!

Watch it, Barney!
Watch it!

I hate spending another night
with old fat Freddy.

I'll sneak over
and find out

how betty's doing
with Wilma.

Psst. Betty.

Hey. Betty.

Oh, I miss you so.

Not as much as I miss you,

This is all
so silly.

How's Wilma
taking it?

You know Wilma--

on the outside,

but on the inside,

How's Fred?

Well, you know Fred--

He's miserable
inside and outside.

How long is this
crazy thing going on?

Until one of them
is man enough

To go to her

and admit
he's wrong.

I think I get
the picture.


Uh-Oh. I don't want
Fred to catch me.

Bye, dear.




Yeah, Fred?

I was looking
for you.

Well, I was, uh...

just getting
a breath of air.

Aw. Hee hee!
Look at Dino over there,

How he's lying there
missing me.


Yeah, he sure looks like
he's missing you.

Hey, Dino.

Psst, psst. Dino.

Here, Dino.
Come to daddy

And show him how much you
miss him.

That's a good Dino.

You miss your dada,
don't you?



[Arr arr arr]

How do you
like that?

And he's supposed to be
man's best friend.

He sure didn't miss you
that time, Fred.


O.K., Wilma. Ready?


Here goes.

There. Your hair will look
beautiful tomorrow, Wilma.

Good. But what's
the sense

of looking beautiful

when you've got nobody
to look beautiful for?

Why don't you tell Fred
right now to come home?

I can't, Betty.
If I give in now,

there will be
just no living with him.

He's got to make
the first move.

And till he does, I'm not
even goonna anything about.


I'm putting him completely
out of my mind.

Good idea.
Good night, Wilma.

Good night, Fred.

I don't see how
you can eat like that

Before going to sleep.

It would give me

Not me.

In fact,
if anything,

cucumber sandwiches
make me sleep better.

Besides, it takes
my mind off...


No! No, not Wilma.

I got other worries--
and, uh, things.

Why should I be thinking
about Wilma?

I didn't think about her
once today.



Good night, Betty.


Good night, Wilma.



Boy. It's only 2:00.

I must have been cuckoo
to take a job like this.


Oh, that husband
of mine.

Oh! Wait till I
get my hands on him.



Halt. Who dares
enter the tent

of sheik Ali Fred

I am his wife!

Oh, yeah?
We'll see about that.

Sheik, a lady outside
says she's your wife.

- Which one?
- She didn't said.

I got 300. Tell her
to take a number.

O.K., Sheik.

I should have
thought of it myself.

Sorry to have
disturbed you.


Oh, that Fred!
How dare he?




[Jazz music playing]

It was a good idea,
coming to this night club.

It'll help me
to forget Wilma.

Cigars. Cigarettes.

Cigars. Cigarettes.

What's the matter,

You don't look
so good.

that cigarette girl--

She looks
just like Wilma!

What? You must be
dreaming, Fred.

Hey, it's time
for the floor show.

[Dance music playing]

Oh. Wilma.



Fred! Help! Help!



That's Wilma.

She's calling me.

I'm coming, Wilma!

Be calm!
I'll be right there!

Help, Fred!

I hear you, Wilma!

I'm coming, Wilma!

Do you hear me,

It's Fred.
He's in trouble.

I'm coming, Fred!

Oh, Fred! Fred!

Here I come,

Oh, Fred!

I'm here, honey!


how I missed you.

I even dreamed
about you.

I'm always dreaming
about you.

I apologize for all the
stupid, childish things

I've been doing.

Forgive me?

Of course, Fred.

Just, let's never
quarrel again.

Never, Wilma.

I must have been
out of my superior mind.

I'm glad to see
you two made up.

You won't be coming back,
huh, Fred?

You're a nice guy
to visit,

but I wouldn't want
to live with you.

Ha ha!

- Right, Wilma?
- Right.

Yeah. Likewise, Fred.

See you in the morning.
Good night, pal.

Well, you can't
win them all.

Hee hee hee!

meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Someday, maybe Fred

Will win the fight

Then that cat will stay out

For the night

When you're

With the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time