The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 5, Episode 7 - A Haunted House Is Not a Home - full transcript

Fred hears from a telegram he inherits money and a mansion owned by his uncle Giggles Flintstone. Little he knew that he was crazy and exccentric. However, to inherit the money, he must spend a night at the mansion. But one clause makes shiver everyone: if Fred dies, the butler, the cook and the gardener gets his share. And this threesome have so much scary weapons that Fred and Barney must be at their guards all night long, and beware that "scary laugh"...

I envy you, Fred.

All you got to do
is get a good night's sleep

And when you wake up,

You'll be rich,
a rich millionaire.

Ha ha ha!

Yeah. Ha ha ha!

Well, goodnight,

[Grr arr grr]

[Grr grr arr grr]

I better
go get Barney.

That sounds like

The ghost of
giggles Flintstone.

[Grr arr grr grr]


do you have to

make so much noise?

So what's wrong with
a little gargling?

Oh, boy.



meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy
of Fred's two feet

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time


Take it easy.
Take it easy, Dino.

These cookies
have to bake first.

I only took this job
'cause I got a sweet tooth.


Oh, there's Betty.

goo-Goo ga.

Yes, Pebbles,

I'm sure Bamm-Bamm's
with her.

[Arr arr arr]

[Pant pant]

Yes, Dino, and Hoparoo
is with them, too.

In the kitchen, Betty.

Hi, Wilma.

Mmm. Something
smells good.

[Hop hop]

Yes. I'm making

Oh goo-Goo
goo-Goo be.

Ga-Ga ga-Ga

Betty: alright.
Alright, bamm-Bamm.

You can visit
with pebbles.


Ba-Ba ga-Goo.

Ga-Ba ga-Ga.

Ga-Ga goo-Ga.

[Arr arr arr]

[Hop hop]

[Arr arr arr]

[Hop hop]

Ha ha ha!

Isn't that cute?
They're gossiping.

I wish I knew

What they were
talking about.

Which reminds me,

As soon as I'm through
in the kitchen,

I got a date
with a little cookie myself.

ba da ga.

Ooh ga ba da goo.
Ga ba goo ga ba.

Goo-Ga ba goo
goo-Ga ba goo.

Look. She's
getting a ride.

Easy. Easy there,

You don't
come equipped

With seat belts,
you know.

Goo-Ga goo-Ga
goo-Ga goo-Ga.

[Hop hop]

Goo-Ga goo
ga ga goo goo.

[Arr arr arr]

Ha ha ha!

Well, that'll keep them
busy for a while.

Ooh, Wilma,
I met the mailman,

And he gave me
this letter for Fred.

It's from a lawyer.

A lawyer?

I wonder why a lawyer

Would be writing
to Fred.

I know how
you can find out.

You mean open it?

But it's addressed
to Fred.

I can't open it.

Why not?
It's easy.

I'll show you.

Oh, betty,
you're terrible!

Give me that letter.

Oh, brother.

First I'm a cookie press,
then a letter opener.

Make up your minds, ladies.

Look, Wilma,
as a good wife,

You owe it to Fred
to open it.

I do?


You'll worry
about what's in it,

And when you worry,

You'll get wrinkles
and gray hair.

Now you don't want
Fred to come home

And find his wife
with gray hair and wrinkles.

Do you?

Oh, Betty, stop it!

I'm not going
to open it,

And that's final.

Uh-Oh, Fred.

Here's your
house already.

Hit the brakes!


Sorry, Fred.

Looks like I overshot
your driveway.

alright, barn.

I'll just hop
over the fence here.



Fred? Fred?

What happened?
Where are you?

What are you doing

With that bone
in your mouth?

Why, Wilma, dear,

I always come home
with a bone in my mouth.

Oh, that Dino--
Always digging holes.

Fred, this letter
came for you.

It's from a lawyer.

A lawyer?

I wonder what a lawyer
would be writing to me for.

I already asked
that question.

Now hurry up
and open it

Before I get
gray hair and wrinkled.

Okay, okay

Probably some
rich uncle died

And made me sole heir
to his fortune.

"Dear mr. Flintstone,

You are
hereby notified..."

[Speaking indistinctly]

"...And left you
sole heir to his fortune."

See, Wilma?
Some rich uncle died

And left me sole heir
to his for--

Huh? Wilma, a fortune!


Fred, Fred,
Fred, Fred!

Fred, are you

Are you alright,

Wilma, Wilma, Wilma,
we're rich!

Here. You read it.

mr. Flintstone"--

No, not that part.

Read the part where
it says I'm rich!

"This is to notify you

"That your uncle
j. Giggles Flintstone

"Has passed away,

Naming you sole heir
to his estate."

You see?

I got to tell Barney.

Barney! Hey, Barney!

You bellowed, Fred?

Get over here
right away.

I got something
to tell you.

Okay, Fred, I'll take
the shortcut.



Barney, what are you
doing in that hole?

I'm pretending, Fred,

That I'm a gopher
that likes bones.

Ha ha ha!

Hey, hey, I've just
been made sole heir

To my rich uncle

J. Giggles
Flintstone's estate.

No kidding!

That's right--
No kidding.

Hooray! Yippee!
Yippee! Hooray!

I finally made it!

What? What? You
finally made what?

I finally got myself
a rich neighbor.

Ha ha ha! That's me.

And the reading
of the will is tomorrow.

That's when I find out

How much money I get,

Ooh, I'm so excited!

A toast to the late
uncle giggles' will.


Shh! Shh!

Is Pebbles asleep?

Uh-Huh. Sleeping
like a little angel.

Heh heh heh.

She ought to,
the lucky kid.

After tomorrow,
she's not gonna have

A worry
in the world.

Oh, I don't know, Fred.

She'll still have you.
Ha ha!

"Huh huh huh!"

Fred, this uncle
giggles of yours,

I never heard of him.

Fred hardly
knew him, betty.

Yeah. Ha ha!
I don't think I saw him

More than twice
in my whole life.

He lived alone

In a big mansion
on nightmare hill.

He was, uh,
kind of, uh, well...

he was a...

you mean he was
an eccentric.

I mean he was a kook,
that's what I mean.

Well, everybody
loves a rich kook,

Especially if he
leaves his money

To his nephew.
Right, Fred?

Yeah. Hey, there's
uncle giggles' place.



[Eee eee]


hey, spooky-Looking place,

Isn't it?

Fred: yeah.

It was nice of you
to invite Barney and me

To the reading
of the will.

Yeah. I've never been
to a reading of a will.

What do they do?

Oh, not much. The lawyer
just gets up and says...

I will now read

The last will
and testament

Of the late
j. Giggles Flintstone.

That's what
we're here for.

Yeah. But no matter
how much I get,

I'd give it all up

If it would
bring back

uncle giggles.

Oh, brother.

Please go ahead,
Mr. Blackstone.

Uh, yes.

"I, J. Giggles Flintstone,
being of sound mind--

"Et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera--

"Do hereby
will and bequeath

"My entire estate

To my nephew
Fred Flintstone."

That's me.


Thanks, Barney. And don't
think I'm gonna change

Just because I'm rich.

Oh, no.
Not you, Fred.

Oh, brother,

There's more.

Yeah. Yeah, you hear
that, Wilma?

There's more.

"Should anything happen
to Fred Flintstone,

"Then my estate
is to be divided equally

"Among my three
faithful servants--

the butler..."


"Potrock, the cook..."


[Swish swish]

"And wormstone,
the gardener."


Hey, Fred,
that uncle of yours

Sure had a sense
of humorstone.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

And there's
a codicil, to wit--

taking possession,

My heir"--That's you,

Yeah? Yeah?

"Must spend one night
in my mansion,

Or this will becomes
null and void."

What? Spend
a night

In this

What kind of a
clause is that?

Don't ask me, Wilma.

I don't
make wills,

I just
inherit them.

You see, madam,
the late mr. Flintstone

Was a kind of, um...
that is, he...

you mean he was
an eccentric?

No. I mean he was a kook.
That's what I mean.

[Wind howling]

It looks like we're gonna
get a real storm.


W-W-What was that?


It's only Horace,

My late master's

Where have you been,


Oh, down at the cemetery
reading tombstones.

Ha ha! How nice.


[Wind whistling]

I'm getting out of here.

Wait a minute!
The will says

I got to spend
the night here.

You got to,
but I don't got to.

Coming, Betty?

Funny you should
say that.

I was just about
to join you.

Wilma: wait
for me, Betty!

well, I'm staying

And you're staying
with me.

Nothing's gonna scare me
out of this money.

Speak for yourself, Fred.

I got to go home.
I forgot something.

What did you forget?

I forgot to stay home.

Well, I'll be going.

Mr. Flintstone,

And good luck.

Ha ha ha ha ha!



Hey, Fred, did you see
what I saw?

I did, Barney.

Ha ha
ha ha ha!

Ah, Mr. Flintstone,

We members
of the staff

Are very happy
to have you here

Alone at last...

aren't we?


Yes, indeed.

Both: ha ha ha!

My friend Barney's

Staying all night
with me,

And he's not
scared of nothing.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

W-W-What was that,

I don't know.

around here

Has a crazy laugh.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I hope the food
is good here, Fred.

I'm hungry.

What did
you say, Barney?

I said,
"I'm hungry."


What, Fred?

I said "oh"!

Oh. Hey, that must be
a picture of your uncle,

The late j. Giggles

Yeah. Yeah, that's
him, alright.

Looks a lot like you.

Hey, Barney,
that picture!

I saw the eyes move!

Eyes move? Oh, boy.

Fred, you're
a bundle of nerves.


Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Kind of stormy
out tonight,

Isn't it,

Dinner is served,

What is it,

Alphabet soup,

Our cook's

Alphabet soup?

Sure, Fred.
You twirl it around,

And sometimes
it makes words.

Do you think
we should eat it?

Sure. Why not?

Well, if anything
happens to Flintstone,

Everything goes
to the servants, remember?

Yeah. Yeah, I remember.

Hey, Barney, look.

The alphabet soup's trying
to tell us something.


You better do what
it says, Fred. Look!


Would you care for
a piece of bread?

N-N-No, thanks.

I-I-I'm not hungry.

[Wind howling]



Oh, hi, betty.
Yes, isn't this some storm?

I hope it doesn't wake
the baby.


[Arr arr arr]

No. Why should I be scared?
I have Dino here with me.

Okay, goodbye, betty.


Dino, come out,
you coward.


M-M-Move over, coward.

Hey, Fred,
how'd you like

To have to wear
an outfit like that?

Ha ha ha!

When that poor guy
needed a new suit,

He probably didn't know
whether to go

To a tailor
or blacksmith.


What was that?

What was what,

That suit of armor
tried to kill me.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Who's that doing
all the laughing?

I-I-I don't know,

But nothing
could be that funny.

Hey, what do
you see, Fred?

Just a big
black keyhole.

Fred, it got awfully
quiet, didn't it?


Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

This is a mighty weird
place, Fred.

Now, settle down,

A little game
of cards before bed

Will relax you.

Cut the cards.

I don't want to play.

I'm not sure I like
this whole deal.

Stop being so jumpy
and cut the cards.

Okay, Fred,
if that's what you want.

Well, alright,

You don't have to
get sore about it.

I'm turning in,
Barney. Come on.

Yeah. You betcha.
I'm right with you, Fred.


Hey, you hear
anything, Fred?

Uh, no,

But I'll be glad
when this is over.


I envy you, Fred.

All you got to do
is get a good night's sleep

And when you wake up,

You'll be rich--
A rich millionaire.

Ha ha ha!

Yeah. Ha ha ha!

Well, goodnight,

Oh, do you want this
shade down, Fred?


Will you cut that out?

Oh, Fred, you are
a bundle of nerves.

I'll bet if somebody
said "boo!"

You would jump a mile.

Oh, boy, Fred.

You're even worse
than I thought.

Yeah, I know.

do you have to sleep

Way in the next room?

Oh, but, Fred,
it's only a few feet away.

If you need me,
I'll be there in a jiffy.

Oh, okay.


What's the matter,
Fred? What?

Just testing,

What took you
so long?

Will you
cut it out, Fred?

I will if you
stay with me.

plenty of room.

Well, okay, Fred,

But let me brush
my teeth first, huh?

Thanks, Barney.

[Grr arr grr]

[Grr grr arr grr]

I better
go get Barney.

That sounds like

The ghost of
giggles Flintstone.

[Grr arr grr grr]


do you have to

Make so much noise?

So what's wrong with
a little gargling?

Oh, boy.





Hey, uh, Fred?

the matter now?

I can't get comfortable.

I'm not used to
a double bed.

Oh, shut up
and go to sleep.

Hey, look, maybe
if we change sides.

Oh, alright.
Let's switch.




It's no good, Fred.
It's the bed.

I'm used to
twin beds.

Well, we haven't got
twin beds.

So make the best
of it.

No! No!


Yeah, Fred?
Ooh, gee, twin beds.

Gee, thanks, Fred.
That's a lot better.

I'm getting out of here,
money or no money.

But, Fred,

I was just
getting comfortable.

second thought,

I think
I'll join you.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Hee hee hee!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Wind howling]


Gee, Wilma,

This place
looks spooky

Even in
the daytime.

I hope Fred
and Barney

Are alright.

The door's open.

Let's go in.

Sure is quiet.

They must
at least have had

A good night's rest.




Oh, Fred?

Wilma, up here.

What are you doing
up there?

Shh! What time
is it?

It's morning.
You spent the night here,

And that's all you
were supposed to do.

I'm rich!

Where's Barney?

[Cuckoo cuckoo]

[Cuckoo cuckoo]

Barney, come out.

What are you
doing up there?

When you're in
a cuckoo-Type house,

This is the safest place
to be.

And you mean you spent
the whole night

Trying to keep
from getting killed?

That's right.

First there was potrocks
with the cleaver--

Swish, swish, swish!

And then wormstone

With the crazy

Snip, snip,
snip, snip!

But the worst thing
was that awful laugh.

I wish I could describe it.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Hey, Fred, that's a
pretty good imitation.

That wasn't me!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You see?
There it is again.

It seems to come

From that picture
over there.

That picture's been
bugging me all night.

Take that!


it's uncle giggles!

Betty: he was
in the picture.

he's alive.

What happens to my money?

Yes, I'm very much alive.

I was just
testing you, Fred.

Testing him?

Yes, I wanted to see
if he was worthy

Of inheriting
my estate. Ha!

I wanted to see

If he had a sense
of humor like mine.

Ha ha ha!

You mean
this was all a joke?

That's right--

A great
big joke!

Ha ha ha!
Right, boys?

You're a riot,

What a practical
joker, boss.

a real kook.

That's me--A kook.
Ha ha ha ha!

But a rich kook.
Don't forget that.

You should've seen
how funny you looked

When you
were scared,

Right, boys?

All: yeah, boss.
Ha ha ha!

Well, I'm kind of
a kook myself.


Not rich,
but still a kook.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

look out!

He's flipped
his wheels! Run!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha
ha ha!

Good boy.

Sic 'em, Fred!
Sic 'em!

Go get 'em,

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Well, back to
the poorhouse.

Ha ha ha!

meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Someday, maybe Fred

Will win the fight

Then that cat will stay out

For the night

When you're

With the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time