The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 5, Episode 22 - Deep in the Heart of Texarock - full transcript

Uncle Tex invites both families to fly to his ranch deep in the heart of Texarock. However he asks his nephew Fred a big but dangerous favor: to be in the lookout of outlaw rustler Billy the Kidder and his gang, who steals cattle out of the ranch. In order to catch the gang, Fred and Barney must disguise as a longhorn steer. But a cow named Carmen fell in love with the false steer, and might cost Barney and Fred a lynching party staged by the murderous Billy himself...

Man over p.A:
Bedrock airport control tower.

Attention, all aircraft.

Visibility unlimited,
landing conditions a-Okay.

Roger and out.

Roger and out."

Oh, he's such
a show-Off. Gosh!

Woman, over p.A.: Attention.
Pterodactyl and westerly airlines

Blue-Ribbon special

Flight number 7
nonstop to Texarock

Now loading, gate 11.



meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy
of Fred's two feet

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

Nice going, driver.

Just in time for the
flight to Texarock.

Come on, Wilma!
Step on it, Rubbles!

Isn't it exciting,

You're going to visit
uncle Tex on his ranch.

Goo goo.
Unca tes.

Ha ha ha! Unca tes!

Oh, he'll love her.

Maybe enough to give her a few
shares of oil stock.

Yeah, Fred, there's nothing
like a rich uncle.

Maybe if I'm real sweet,
uncle Tex will adopt me.


Now stop it,

Just be thankful we were invited
along with Fred and Wilma.

Look at that

He won't make a move
without his barbell.

Okay, Bamm-Bamm.
That's enough. Drop it.

Yeow! Right on
my toe!

See how
he listens to me?

Ha ha ha ha!

Hoppy! We almost forgot
about him.

[Hop hop hop hop]

But where's Dino?

Dino, where are you?

[Arr arr arr]

Okay. We're all here.

I still don't see how we all
got in that little taxi.

it just shows you

the power of
positive shrinking.

Ha ha ha ha!

Fred, shouldn't we
be checking in?

We'll miss the plane.

Oh, don't worry, Wilma.
I know this airline.

They never leave on time.

Woman, over p.A.:
Last call for Texarock.

Flight number 7
leaving on time...

Smart aleck.

Hey! That's us! What are we
standing around for?

Come on, Betty.
We better take Dino and Hoppy

To the air freight counter.

Poor things. They'll have
to be locked up in cages

all the way to Texarock.


Hurry up, Barney!
Follow me.

Right, Fred.

Flintstones and Rubbles
to Texarock.

You're just in time,

Good. Heh heh!

We wouldn't want to keep
my rich uncle Tex waiting.

Now, let's see.

You're flying on our special
one-class midweek economy

Blue-Ribbon 30-Day
tourist excursion

Family thrift plan.

No. We're going
by plane.

Oh, cut it out, Barney.

If it wasn't for
the family thrift plan

We couldn't afford
the trip.

Now, I'll have to
weigh your baggage.

Here you go.

Hey, it's genuine
aeroplane luggage

Made out of
an old aeroplane.

Ha ha ha ha!


39 1/2 pounds.

For this I had to
go to college?

Just under the limit,
Mr. Rubble.

Your bag,
mr. Flintstone.

I'll do it myself.

100 pounds!

Barney: uh-Oh.
Fred, you're overweight.

Really, sir!

We sold you
the family thrift plan

Not the family
cheapskate plan.

Barney: so, this is what they call
the family thrift plan, huh, Fred?

Yeah, except the ads
don't tell you

That the head of the family
rides on the outside.

Well, you know
these coach flights--

You do away
with the frills.


Hey, Fred, look at that
big black cloud up ahead.

Yeah. What about it?

Oh, looks scary.

Oh, don't be
so ignorant.

That is just typical of the
cumulonimbus cimbus formation

Found in these
warmer climates.

W-What were you saying

About th-The w-warmer
climates, Fred?

I-I-I guess we must be
taking the p-p-Polar route.

Good afternoon,

I'm your stewardess
Miss brickhouse.

Coffee, tea, or
ichthyosaurus milk?

What, no peanut butter

If you don't mind, Miss,

We'd like 2 hot water
bottles on the rocks.

Yeah, b-Boiling water.
A-A-And hurry. We're freezing.

Well, why don't you
come in and warm up

and watch the movie?

A movie? What's playing?

Who cares
about seeing a movie?

It's one of the new
foreign films.

You know, with
Brigitte Barduzi.

I'm not interested
in any Brigitte Barduzi...


Hey, Fred! Wait a minute.
Look down there.

It's Texarock!
We're here, Barney.

Pilot, over P.A.: Attention, all
passengers, this is your pilot.

With luck, we should be
landing in a few minutes.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

What does he mean
by luck?

Don't worry about him.

He's one of our best
student pilots.

Fasten your seat belts,

Student pilot?

You'd better fasten
your seat belt, Fred.

Right, Barney.
Uhh! Uhh!

There she is.

Boy! This is
a fat one.

Barney: Texarock,
here we come!


Hey, Fred! Fred!
You alright?

Wake up, Fred.
We're in Sand Andstonio.

We are? And what
do you think you're doing?

You passed out, Fred.

I did not pass out.
The seat belt was too tight

and I was holding
my breath.

Gee, it's so deserted.
There's not a soul in sight.

Some welcome, Fred.

What could've happened
to uncle Tex?

Search me. He knew
we'd be on this flight.

[Horn honking]
What's that?

Something's coming.

Betty: yeah,
but what is it?

- Is it a bull?
- Is it a train?

- Is it a boat?
- Is it a man?

Fred: it's uncle Tex!

There's nothing like
a subtle entrance.


Welcome to the west.

Sorry I'm late

But my regular car
broke down

And I had to take
the compact.

Well, Fred Flintstone!
What do you say, partner?

And Wilma! You gorgeous
hunk of woman.


Ha ha ha! Oh, uncle Tex!
You're so...outdoorsy.

How you doing,
Pebbles, old gal?

Goo ga. Unca tes!

Well, what do you know?
Talks like her big daddy.

Ha ha ha ha!

Uncle Tex, you remember
Barney and Betty Rubble.

Never forget
a beautiful woman.

Ooh! Ha ha ha!

How do, ma'am?

Ha ha ha ha!

Just a little change
for tips.

Nice to
see you again, boy.

Hiya. Ow!

Oh, what a grip.

Off your knees, boy.
No need of acting humble.

And what's the name of
this cute little varmint?

His name's Bamm-Bamm.

Say hello to uncle Tex,

Put her there,

Let me feel
your grip.

Bamm! Bamm!
Bamm! Bamm! Bamm!


you naughty boy.

Look what you did
to uncle Tex.

Ha ha ha! That's okay.

I always wanted a sunroof.

That boy's got
real pioneer spirit.

I'm gonna deputize him.

Deputize him?
What for, uncle Tex?

Need all the help I can get
against them Rustlers.

All: Rustlers!

You got Rustlers?

Tell you about 'em later.
Let's mosey along.

Hop in, mavericks. Ya-Hoo!



[Arr arr arr]

Home, Jesse.

Well, there she is, folks.
Straight up yonder--

The Rockadollar ranch.

That's my brand

Handed down by
my granddaddy Davy Crockery.

Davy Crockery--

You know who he was,
don't you, Barney?

Oh, I sure do.

"Remember the Alarock."

Mrs. Crockery's boy, Davy.

Oh! There's the ocean.

I didn't know your ranch
was on the ocean, uncle Tex.

You got it twisted, boy.
The ocean's on my ranch.

Ha ha ha ha!

But we just use it
for a little ol' swimming pool.

Barney: real nice,
uncle Tex

But I'd sure hate
to have to clean it.

Ha ha ha ha!

Well, folks,
here's the bunkhouse.

Betty: this is your
bunkhouse, uncle Tex?

Yep. Nothing like
roughing it, is there?

Ha ha ha ha!

Hi, there, Mr. Tex.

Uncle Tex: Oh, this is
my foreman, Blister.

Blister, meet the Flintstones
and the Rubbles.

Nice to meet
you good folks.

I'm sure, Blister.

How come he limps so, uncle Tex?
Get shot in the leg?

No. He's got
a splinter in his foot

and he's too chicken
to take it out.

How's the herd, blister?

Just going to take
head count, Mr. Tex.

Good. Me and the boys
will join you

While the ladies
freshen up.

Here you are, Wilma.

What's this for?

Map of the house,
in case you get lost.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Let's go, partners.
Time to check my cowasauruses.

Ya-Hoo hoo hoo!


Uncle Tex: attention!

Okay, you gold-Bricking

Time for head count.

- Rock.
- [Moo]

- Red.
- [Moo]

- Wreck.
- [Moo]

- Crash.
- [Moo]

Uncle Tex is a colonel
in the state militia.

Boy, I've never seen
such well-Trained cowasauruses.

How do you do it,
uncle Tex?

Good, old-Fashioned
army discipline.

Boy, when it comes to my
herd, I go by the book.

- [Boo]
- Who said that?

Okay. Just for that,
I'm restricting

you all to the barn.

Mr. Tex! Mr. Tex!

What's wrong, boy?

I finished
head count.

4 cowasauruses
are missing.

What's that?
Another 4 gone?

Maybe they went

Awol, nothing.
They were cownapped.

Cownapped? Who would do
such a diabol-Olical thing?

Here's who done it.

He left another
one of his cards

With this box
of candy.


- I've read about him.
- Oh, me, too.

He's supposed to be
a low-Down, sneaky character

with a very bad
sense of humor.

Yeah, that's billy.
He thinks he's funny

Leaving me
this cheap box of candy.

Yeah, I see what they mean
by bad sense of humor.

Ha ha ha ha!

It exploded all over them.

I just love
these subtle jokes.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha! You said it.

It's great to be working
for Billy, the Kidder,

Eh, Sladestone?

I'll say. Of all
the outlaws in the west,

Billy's the most fun.

Now let's talk business.

Tonight we rustle
the Rockadollar ranch.

Again, Billy?

But we just finished
rustling it.

Yeah, but now,
while that rich millionaire

is entertaining
his new guests,

We'll bring a truck
and snatch the whole herd.


Yeah. S-Sure, Billy.

Good. Just to make sure,
let's shake on it.


Ha ha ha ha!

The old buzzer gag,
and he fell for it?

Ha ha ha ha!

You ought to be in
television, Billy.

Ha ha ha ha!
Yeah, I ought to.

Attagirl, Pebbles.
Hold on tight.

Be careful,

[Bamm-Bamm jabbers]

Isn't he
a cute ponysaurus?

Say "giddy-Up",

Goo da. Goo da.

[Both laugh]

Blister: Don't try
to get away, dogie!

I got you!

I'll learn you
who's boss!


Runaway bullasaurus!

Help! Help!

Be careful, Bamm-Bamm.


Nice going, partner.

for saving my life.

Boy, you sure are
a first-rate cowasaurus poke.

Well, city slickers

How do you like
ranch life?

It's great, uncle Tex.

All this healthy
fresh air and sunshine.

I tell you, there's nothing
like the outdoors

for giving a man
a real lift.

I'm being cownapped!

Stop that, Bamm-Bamm.

Oh, sorry, Tex.

He's been watching too many
of those westerns on TV.

That's okay. Ha ha!

Boy's got real
frontier spirit.

one of these days

He'll probably have his own
vigilante committee.

Yeah, uncle Tex,
but by that time

Billy the Kidder
will have stolen

Every one of your

You can say
that again.

Why, the way
he's been going--

Wait a minute, boys!

Your rich uncle
has an idea.

An idea, rich uncle?

I got the perfect way

to trap Billy
and his mangy rustlers.

And you two
are gonna help.

Us? Capture Billy?

What about the sheriff?

Yeah. We wouldn't want
to horn in on his job.

Hey, how about
the Texarock Rangers?

They love taking risks.

Boys, I go by the code
of the old west--

You got an enemy,

You takes care of him yourself.

Oh. Well, then
good luck, uncle Tex.

Yeah, let us know
how you make out.

Don't worry about
a thing, partners.

You just meet me
in the barn tonight

And we'll rig up
a surprise for Billy.

Ha ha!
Ya-Hoo ooh ooh!

You know, Barney,
I'd like to get my hands

On whoever said,
"go west, young man."

- Yeah.
- Yeah!

Come on, boys. Hurry up.
Time's a-wastin'.

You know, uncle Tex,
this scheme of yours--

I'm beginning
to have my doubts.

Yeah. Me, too.

I mean, us dressing up
as a cowasaurus?

It strikes me
as kind of extreme.


I'll tell you boys,

With you acting
as my decoy

Billy the kidder
is as good as captured.

Ha ha ha ha!

Now, are you for me
or agin me?

Okay, uncle Tex,
I'm for you.

hold it, Barney!

I will be the front part.
You can be the--

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm not taking a back
seat to anybody.

Sorry, Barney.
We are casting by type

And you are
making up the rear.

Uh-Uh, Fred.

It's the front
or nothing.

Okay, Barney,
you asked for it--

A free nose job.

On second thought, there's
probably more room in the back.

Come on. Follow me
and stay close.

Yeah, yeah. Sure, Fred.

Well, uncle Tex,
do we look authentic?

Don't chew your cud
so hard, Fred.

It's a dead giveaway.

How do you like
my tail, uncle Tex?

Ow! Watch out
with that thing.

Oh, I'm sorry, Fred.

I just don't know
my own strength.

Okay, now, Fred,
let's go over the signal.

Remember, when Billy and his
gang get set to grab you

You go,
"moo moo, moo moo moo."

I go,
"moo moo, moo moo moo."

Got it.

Now, when Blister
and I hear that

We'll come charging
down from the hayloft.

Moo moo,
moo moo moo.

Quiet, Barney.

Remember, I got
the speaking part.

You're just an extra.

Okay, boys.

I'd better be gettin' up
to the hiding place.

Good luck.

Moo moo, moo moo moo.

Got to hand it
to you, Fred.

You learn fast.
Ha ha ha ha!

Shush! Quiet, Barney.
You'll give us away.

Barney, cut that out!

Gee, Fred, I feel itchy.

Maybe if we move
around a little

I won't have to scratch.

Okay, but stay close.

Sure, Fred. Real togetherness.
Ha ha ha ha!

And be quiet, Barney.

Uh-Oh! Pardon us--

I--I mean me.

Uh-Oh, Barney.
He's following us.

I think we got him mad.


Hey! Cut that out!
Who do you think you are?

"Carmen." Ha ha ha!

What do you know, Barney?
He's a she.


Ha ha ha!
She's tickling me.

Got to hand it
to you, Fred.

You always had a way
with the ladies.

[Both laugh]


Hey, let's step on it.

Get the herd into the truck
and keep them quiet.

Right, Billy.

you cowasauruses.

Barney: Gee, it's quiet.
I don't like it.

Fred: hold it, Barney.
It's him--

Billy the Kidder.

Hey, there's
another one.

Yeah, and what
a homely one.

Homely shmomely.

He's worth his weight
in sirloin. Grab him.

Sure, boss.

Hey, they're coming
for us, Fred.

Give uncle Tex
the signal.

Signal? Signal!
Yeah, yeah.

Moo moo moo moo--

Billy: keep him quiet.

Right, Billy.

You only got half of him.
Give me that.

Moo moo moo!

What? What?

Moo moo m--

Hey, Fred! Fred!
The--The signal!

The signal!

Moo moo moo.

Moo moo moo--

Billy: I've never seen
such stubborn cowasauruses.

Alright, you guys.

Put him
in the truck.

We ain't
wastin' nothin'.

Ha ha ha! I've done it
again, boys.

Ha ha! Yeah.

This calls for
a little celebration.

Here, boys.
The smokes are on me.

Thanks, Billy.

Light, Sladestone.

Thank you.

Billy: ha ha ha ha!
You fell for it.

You guys are dumber

than our cowasauruses
back there.


Okay. Go feed 'em,

I don't get it, billy.
Why feed 'em?

You dope.
If they gain weight

We get more money for them
at the market.

Right, boss.
Will do.

Okay, you cows,
dinner's served.

And eat hearty.

Hey, Fred, you better go over

And eat with the other cows.

Fred: oh, yeah? Well, they're
not making me eat that stuff.

Hey! That one
over there's not eating.

Better tell Billy.

Hey, boss,
there's one not eating.

Oh, is that so?
Well, we'll see about that.

Billy: Oh,
it's you again, is it?

Get over there and eat.

What, are you on a low-Calorie
diet or something?

Barney: Hey, he's
talking to us, Fred.

You'd better
get over there.

I'm going. I'm going.
But you'd better come, too.

Yeah, natch.

You know, boss,
there's something strange

About that one.


You see, boss?
You see what I mean?

Yeah. There's always
one wise-guy cow.

Come on.
We got work to do.

Get the branding iron,

Yeah. Sure.

Barney: act nonchalant, Fred.
Makes it more convincing.

Fred: moo, moo.

[Mooing and kissing]

Carmen, cut that out!

We'll put our brand

Right over
the rockadollar brand.

Here's a branding iron,
Billy. Who's first?

Billy: Might as well start
with the troublemaker.

Okay, boss.


what happened?

I'll tell you later.
Let's get out of here!

Gee, a talking

Cowasaurus, nothing.
That's probably deputies.

Let's get 'em!

Hey, faster, Fred.

I think they're
gaining on us.

We're coming
to a fence, Barney!

Jump for your life!

Hey! Hey, Fred,
my tail's caught.

Give it all you got!
Harder! Harder!

Let go! Let go!

Hurry up, Barney.

Wait up, Fred.
I can't see.

Over here, Barney!
Over here!

Oh, what a lucky break.

We'll lose ourselves
in this herd.

Another herd?

A few more days of this,
and we'll start giving milk.

Hey, they're in that herd
of cowasauruses

tryin' to pass
themselves off.

They all look the same,
billy. How do we tell?

of elimination--

When I find 'em,
I'm gonna eliminate 'em.

Okay, open up!
Anybody down there?

[Moo moo]

Alright. You pass.

Barney: what do we do, Fred?
He's comin' to us.

Fred: we'll just
have to fake it.

- Open up.
- Moo moo.

Yeah, this one
looks okay. Next.


Aha! Got him!

Thought you could fool me,
didn't you, deputies?

Hi. We were just on our way
to a masquerade party.

Ha ha ha ha.

Well, you two are going
to a party, alright.

Get the rope,

No. No, Billy!

You can't string us up
without a license.

That's a misdemeanor.
You could be fined.

Ha ha ha ha! I'll take
the chance, boys.

[Moo moo]

Billy: ohh! Mad cowasaurus!
Let's scram out of here!

It's carmen, Barney!

Sic 'em, tiger!

She's gaining on us!

Quick, quick!
Into that barn!

Hey, how do you
like that, Fred?

She's captured Billy
and his gang.

Yeah. I'll say.

Get a rope, Barney.
We'll tie them up.

you've saved our lives

And we'll
never forget you.

[Mooing and kissing]

Fred, we were
so worried about you.

Thank goodness
they're both okay.

I'll say they are.

Look what
they've captured.

I'm gonna reward
you boys for this.

Tell me
how you did it.

Well, you see, uncle Tex,
it was carmen here who--

Did you say reward?

Yep. Something
really valuable.

Now, tell us
about it.

Yeah, well, I slugged
it out with Billy--

A brutal battle!


And I took care of
the other two--

right on their--


Fred Flintstone,
is this all true?

Well, uh, no.

If you want
to get technical

Carmen is the real hero.
I mean, heroine.

[Mooing and kissing]

Now, stop it, Carmen!
Not in front of the missis!

Ha ha ha ha!

Isn't this a darling picture
of Pebbles and uncle Tex?

Betty: Ha ha!
Isn't this precious?

Bamm-Bamm holding
uncle Tex up by one leg.

Uncle Tex, uncle Tex--
What a cheapskate.

Promising us a reward

for helping to capture
Billy the kidder

and what do we get?

A big nothing.
Phooey on uncle Tex.

[Doorbell rings]
Wilma: come in.

Express from texarock
to Flintstone and Rubble.

Fred: Texarock? Why, it must
be from dear old uncle Tex.

He sent our reward.

It looks like a piano.

Or a combination
washer and color tv.

Good old uncle Tex.

I knew he'd come
through a winner.

[Mooing and kissing]

Carmen! Oh, no!

What are we gonna
do with her, Fred?

I'll tell you
what we're doing!

We're shipping her
straight back to Texarock!

[Mooing and snorting]

Carmen! Carmen!
Back in the crate!

Help! Help!

do something!

Don't worry, Fred!

She'll tire herself out
by tonight.

Just goes to show you,

There's nothing worse
than a spurned female.

[All laugh]

meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone-Age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Someday maybe Fred
will win the fight

Then that cat will
stay out for the night

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time