The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 5, Episode 2 - Monster Fred - full transcript

Bowling in alley 13, Fred is beaned by a bowling ball and suffers amnesia. But the doctor to whom Barney takes his friend is no ordinary family physician. He's conducting experiments in the switching of personalities, and Fred strikes him as the ideal test subject.

So long, Betty, I'm off
to the bowling alley with Fred.

Bye, Barney,
don't be too late.

Dum dum da dee doo doo...

dum da da doo doo doo

I think I'll take
the shortcut.

[Splash]

Oops! I forgot about
Fred's new fishpond. Yow!

[Arf arf]

Boy, those cannibal fish
are better than a watchdog.

[Knock knock]

Come in.



Hiya, Fred, you all set?

Set for what?

Bowling. What else?

It's bowling night
tonight, remember?

Oh, that's right.
I almost forgot.

Be right with
you, Barney.

Let me see--
Tennis racquet

Golf club,
snowshoes.

Aha! Here we are--
Bowling ball.

[Screech]

Hey, Wilma

I'm leaving for
the bowling alley.

Why don't you
take Dino with you.

He's been in the house
all day.



Dino?
Well, he don't bowl.

[Whimpering]

Oh, alright. Come on.

You can sit in the car
while we bowl.

[Arr arr arr]

[Toot]

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Flintstones
meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy
of Fred's two feet

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo
time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

A-Bowling
we will go

A-Bowling
we will go

I'm going to beat
Barney tonight

A-Bowling
we will go

[Howl]

Ha ha ha!

Dino sounds better
than you, Fred.

Ahh!

By the way, did you remember
to make a reservation?

- Yup. We got alley 13.
- Oh, fine.

Uh, alley 13?

Fred, that's
the unlucky alley.

What are you
talking about?

Unlucky alley.

Well, the last guys
who used alley 13

All came down with
the bowler's bends.

Bowler's bends?

Of all the silly--

Look out, Fred!

Hit the brakes!

[Screech]

A black
catasaurus, Fred.

Hey, hey,
hey, scat!

Shoo! Shoo!
Beat it!

I don't like it, Fred.

That black catasaurus
crossed your path.

And you know
what that means.

Yeah, that means
that you're

A superstitious
lunkhead.

Now,
knock it off!

You wait in the car, Dino,
till after the game.

Here, I'll play
the radio for you.

Yeah yeah yeah...

Hey, sounds like
those english kids

The bagels.

Not bagels--Beagles. Ha ha!

Pebbles and Dino love them.
They got all their records.

Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah yeah yeah

[Arr arr arr]

I got a feeling,
Barney

Tonight's going to
be my lucky night.

I don't know, Fred.

Hey, Fred, look out!

Huh?
What's the matter?

You walked under a ladder.
That's more bad luck.

One more time,
Barney--

One more time

And you're going
to get

A hex on the head.

Now come on,
let's bowl.

I feel lucky
tonight, Barney.

Stand back and watch
the old master

Make
a strike-A-Roonie.

[Trumpet fanfare]

[Ballet music plays]

Tsk tsk tsk.

What did I tell you, Fred?
Alley 13.

"Alley 13. Alley 13."

Will you stop
with that black magic talk?

You're throwing me
off my game.

A stee-Rike! Ha ha!

What does your
superstitious mind

Think of that?

Look, Fred.

Huh?

I was robbed.
That's all I got to say.

By whom? That's
the spooky question.

Alright, Fred

Give me a logical
explanation for that.

Ha ha! It's easy, Barney.

It's that screwy
reverse hook you got.

Ha ha ha!

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

[Pop]

[Cuckoo cuckoo]

[Crash]

Hey, Fred, you alright?

[Babbling]

[Screech]

Fred, speak to me.

Uh, hee, tell me
a story, mommy.

Fred, it's me--Barney.
I'm not your mommy.

I want a glass
of water, mommy.

How is he, mack?

Knocked him cold,
huh?

Oh, worse than that.
He thinks he's a kid again.

You better get him
to a doctor.

Yeah. He might think he's
a baby and want his bottle.

Duh, where are
we going, mommy?

Uh, mommy's taking
her little boy

To see a doctor.

Waah! I don't want
to see a doctor!

[Boo-Hoo]

Dear! I got to find
a doctor quicker

Or I'll be
baby-Sitting all night.

Uh-Oh. There's one

That looks open
for business--

A dr. Sigrock freep.

Good evening,
gentlemen.

What can I do
for you?

My friend Fred isn't well.

He got hit on the head
by a bowling ball.

Mamma, mamma, mamma.

Uh-Huh. Very, very
interesting. Ja.

Obviously a case
of cranus ciroidus.

Huh? What's that?

He is allergic
to bowling balls.

Now, sit
the patient down

Und we proceed
with the beginning, ja?

I get one of mein
delicate instruments.

So we are ready?

Wait a minute,
doc.

What's with
that hammer?

That's a stupid
question.

I'm with
the hammer.

Ah, but do not
worry.

I'm as gentle
as a pussycat.

Watch me.

I will check
the patient's reflexes, ja?

Mamma. Mamma.

Oh,
isn't that cute?

Get on with it, doc.

First the knee
bone--The left knee.

Very, very
interesting.

The right knee.
Amazing!

And finally

The point of
the whole test--

The head bone.

Yow!

[Crash]

Just as I suspected.

What, doc?
What, what, what?

My wisdom tooth
is loose.

Bring him into
the laboratory.

Don't worry,
Fred, old pal.

I'm with you.

I will run
a few tests.

Now don't hurt him, doc.

First, the blood
pressure.

[Pump pump]

But, doc, shouldn't we be doing
something about his head?

Ja, ja. Now we really
look into the whole subject.

Bring him to
my x-Ray machine.

Then we get the inside
information, ja?

Now we start.

Very, very
interesting.

There's his problem.
He's got no bones.

No bones?
Why, that's impossible!

I know Fred's got bones
in his head.

Your machine is wrong.

Ja, ja. Here's the trouble.
The light is not on.

The pilot
has gone out again.

I whistle for him.
[Whistles]

Aha! That's much better!

Nah, but that's bad--
Very, very bad.

Wh-Wh-What?
What's wrong with him, doc?

Well, it's obvious.

He was conked
on the noggin bone

Which is connected
to the neck bone

The neck bone connected
to the backbone

The backbone connected
to the leg bone...

stop! Stop! I can't stand
the suspense!

What's the horrible news?

He has got
flatfootus.

I will have to
operate at once.

Operate? But no one
ever fixes a head

By operating on feet.

Really? Well, well,
what do you know?

Another first
for me.

Here's something I wanted
to try for sometime.

But, doc

How come you putting
Fred in that box?

And what's with that saw?

I always got a couple
of tricks up my sleeve.

You mind
if I cut in?

Hey, doc, doc

You're splitting up
a beautiful friendship.

You know what they say

Two freds
are better than one.

Oh, poor Fred.
I can't look. Ooh!

It's tragic.

No, it's magic.

You see, in this box,
he's all in one piece

When the other half
has dummy legs.

Oh, boy,
and you're a dummy doc.

Now for my next trick,
I make him disappear.

Hey, hold it, doc.

For the next trick,
we'll both disappear.

Say, that's good. Ha ha!
I got to learn that one.

I'd better find
another doctor.

Now, let me see--

Accountants, carpenters,
dogcatchers.

Oh, here we are--
Mad doctors.

Dr. Boulderheimer,
Dr. Kilarock

Dr. Len frankenstone,
711 monster drive.

Hey, that's
in the neighborhood.

I'll take Fred there.

But first, I'll call Betty
and tell her what happened.

[Ring]

Bamm bamm!
Bamm bamm bamm!

[Honk honk
honk honk]

Alright,
bamm-Bamm

I'll wait.

Thank you. Hello.

Oh, hello, Barney.

Fred's been hit
with a bowling ball!

Is he alright?

Well, it's kind of
hard to figure.

I'll let you talk to him.

It's Betty, Fred.
Say something.

[Babbling]

What do you think?

I think you ought to
take him to a doctor.

That's what I figured.

I'm on my way to
dr. Frankenstone's office now.

Good. I'll get Wilma
and meet you there.

I'm glad you came,
dr. Zero.

I want you to see
my latest experiment--

Something new in the annals
of prehistoric medicine.

Len,
len frankenstone

Why do you persist?

Don't you know

A rolling pill
gathers no moss?

Something inside me
cries out

"Be a mad doctor.
Be a mad doctor."

Alright.
Alright.

It's your neck.
Let's see it.

Step into
my laboratory, doctor

And I'll show you.

I don't like it,
len frankenstone.

I don't like it.

[Growls]

Hee hee hee!

I call this

My personality
transfer machine.

Watch carefully,
doctor.

See what happens
when I pull the switch.

[Buzz]

[Ding ding]

[Growling]

Hee hee hee!

Len, you've switched
their personalities.

Right. What do you
say now, dr. Zero?

What do I say?

I say
call the wagon.

You have flipped.

Turn in your
stethoscope, len

Before
it's too late.

Not before I try
my experiment

On a human being.

[Knock knock]

Come in.

[Door opens]

Dr. Frankenstone,
I presume?

My name is rubble.

Dr. Zero, look.

The perfect subject
for my experiment.

Hey, I got a problem, doctor.

Don't worry,
mr. Rubble.

Your problem
will soon be over.

Leave everything
to me.

Hold it, doctor!
I'm not sick.

It's my pal,
Fred Flintstone.

Sorry.

[Screech]

Don't panic,
Flintstone.

I know just what to do.

When I finish,
you'll be a new man...

or something.

Len, len,
don't do it.

Release the patient.

Stop bugging me, zero.

I've just got to
be a mad doctor.

[Buzz]

[Ding ding]

I wonder
how Fred is doing.

[Fred's voice]
oh, there you are, Barney.

Hey, what happened?

What are we doing
in a doctor's office?

Well, you got hit on the head
with a bowling ball, dino, and--

Dino, you're talking
like Fred!

Knock it off,
Barney!

I got a splitting
headache.

I'll go pay the doctor

And we'll get
outta here.

Hey, doc, what do
I owe you, pal?

Gee, maybe I ought to see
the doctor.

I could've sworn
that was Dino.

Oh, Barney

I'm so glad
you're still here.

How's Fred?

Yeah,
how's his head?

His head? Well,
that's bad enough

But what really
gets me is his tail.

Tail? What are you
talking about?

Why don't you call him
and see for yourself?

Oh, Fred,
it's me--Wilma.

Are you alright?

[Arr arr arr]

[Pant pant]

Oh, Fred,
stop your clowning.

Hiya, Wilma, I thought
I heard you calling me.

What are you
doing down here?

Fred--I mean, Dino--

I mean, Fred--

I mean,
what's going on?

Wilma, meet
Dr. Frankenstone.

How do you do, madam?

You...you...you--
What have you done to my husband

Or dino or whatever
the case may be?

Go ahead, len.

You wanted to be
a mad doctor.

Now give
the poor woman

An explanation.

[Crying]

I'm married
to a dinosaurus.

Hey, wait! What's
everybody crying about?

Come on, let's get out of here,
Wilma. I'm starved.

I could go for
a nice soup bone.

Did you hear
that, doctor?

He wants
a soup bone.

Aren't you ashamed,
len frankenstone?

Alright. Alright.
I goofed.

Everybody back
to the laboratory

On the double.

Len, len-Boy,
now you're talking.

Come on, dino.

Back to
the laboratory.

[Arr arr arr]

Hey, I'll keep Fred
company, Wilma.

Here, Fred.
Here, Fred.

[Meow meow]

[Arr arr arr]

Hey, Fred!

[Growl]

[Arr arr arr]

[Meow]

[Arr arr arr]

[Meow]

[Arr arr arr]

[Meow]

[Arr arr arr]

No, Fred!

Uh, Dino, down, boy.

Uh, down, Fred.

Uh, dino-Boy.

[Crash]

Heel, Fred.
Heel, boy.

[Pant pant]

Okay okay, doggie

Back
to the laboratory.

[Buzz]

[Arr arr arr]

[Pant pant]

It's Dino!

And he's
back to normal.

[Fred's voice]
okay, Wilma

We can leave now.

Wilma: Fred, you're not
Dino anymore!

Thank goodness!

Come on, honey.
I'll take you home

And fix you
a nice, big--

[Barney's voice]
hiya, sweetheart.

Sorry to keep you
waiting.

Oh, it's Barney!
I mean, it's Fred!

[Fred's voice] what is she
talking about, Wilma?

Oh, no!
You're not Fred!

You're Barney,
and Barney's Fred.

Yeah, and you're
cleopatra.

Now stop kidding
and let's go home.

Ha ha ha!
Maybe the girls

Ought to see a doctor,
huh, Fred?

What's the trouble, ladies?

What's all
the racket about?

Look what
you've done!

You've switched
their personalities!

Hey, control
yourself, Wilma.

You're getting
high-Sterical.

High-Ster--
Uh, hysterical?

Who wouldn't be?

I didn't marry him.

What are you complaining
about, Wilma?

Look what
I'm stuck with.

Well, if that's the way
you feel about it, I'm leaving.

Me, too.
Let's go, Barney.

Well,
len frankenstone

Are you proud
of yourself?

One dumb experiment

And you've broken up
two families.

Alright. Alright.

Everybody back
to the laboratory.

I don't get it,
Fred.

What's all
the fuss about?

Oh, you know women,
Barney.

It's like when
they go shopping.

They're always
returning things.

Ooh,
I'm so nervous.

Me, too.

Hold it, doc.

One question before
you pull that switch.

Yeah, yeah.
What is it?

How would you like
to have my seat?

Ha ha ha!

[Buzz]

[Ding ding]

There.
That should do it.

Alright,
mr. Flintstone

You can leave now.

[Wilma's voice]
thank goodness.

[Fred's voice] I'm getting
tired of this routine.

[Betty's voice]
me, too. Let's get outta here.

[Barney's voice]
I'm with you.

Len Frankenstone

Now look what you
have done!

So long, frankenstone.

If you ever need
any excavation work

Call me, and I'll bring
my shovel.

Ha ha ha!

How would you like
to join our lodge, Doc.?

Us water buffalos
have a ball.

You know what
I mean? Ha ha!

Now what, len?
Now what?

What else?
Back to the drawing board.

Alright, Len,
try again

And keep your
fingers crossed.

[Buzz]

[Ding ding]

Well? Well?

Somebody
say something.

[Arr arr arr]

[Howl]

[Dr. Zero's voice]
stop that racket, Dino.

Oh, no! My electric bill--
It's going to be murder.

[Ding ding]

I feel fine now.
How about you, Betty?

Just perfect.
You alright, Barney?

Yeah, sure. How you
feeling, Fred?

Never felt better
in my life.

[Arr arr arr]

Len, len,
you did it!

Look at those
happy faces.

You have restored

Their normal
personalities, len.

What do you say now,
doctor?

[Fred's voice]
what do I say?

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Well, it took most
of the night

But we finally
made it.

Barney: yeah, it's good
to know that I'm me.

Thank goodness
we're all back to normal.

You can say that again.

What a night.

[Arr arr arr]

Believe me

I've seen
my last doctor.

I promise never to have
an accident again.

Ow! My foot! My foot!
Ooh, it's busted!

Oh, the pain.

Get a doctor
quick! Quick!

[Screech]

Pardon me.

Did someone call
for the doctor?

Huh?

The name
is dracuslab.

Dr. Dracuslab.

It was
all my fault.

I will take care
of you.

Wilma, let's get
out of here!

Why? Why do they
always run away from me?

It's beginning
to drive me bats.

[Eee eee]

Away, charlie.
I wasn't talking to you.

[Eee eee]

Well, time for
another house call.

[Eee eee]

Oh, that was a lovely
dinner, Wilma.

Yeah, nothing
like chinese food

To fill you up.

How about some more

Of that sweet-And-Sour
pterodactyl, Wilma?

Ter-Dactyl. Give me.
Give me. Give me.

Oh. Ha ha ha!

Ain't that cute?
Pebbles is still hungry.

Here, sweetheart. Try some
of this brontosaurus suey.

Mmm. That's
real crazy, pop.

Can I have
some more?

Why, sure, honey.

Pebbles, you spoke!
You can talk!

Ha ha ha!

That was me, Fred.

How do you like
my ventriloquism?

I should be
in show business.

I'll show business you,
Barney

After all we've been through.

Now take it easy, Fred.
I was only kidding.

Come back here,
wise guy!

I'm gonna kid you
right to the moon!

[Screech]

Come on out, Barney!

I know
you're hiding!

[Barney's voice]
psst. Hey, Fred.

I saw him go
behind the bushes.

Oh, thanks, dino.

Oh, you're welcome.
Ha ha ha!

Oh, boy,
are you gullible.

Barney, I'm going to--

[Toot]

Uh-Oh! He's flipped!

You asked for it,
Barney!

I'm going to bowl you over
with this rock.

[Screech]

Boy, what form--
Right down the old alley.

How do you like that?
He's out cold again.

Well, back to
the yellow rock pages.

Uh, dr. Sigmund
Fraudstone.

Dr. Boulder,
Dr. Jekyllrock.

Hey, that's a good
family doctor name

And he's in the neighborhood.

How's jekyllrock
sound to you, Fred?

Duh, tell me
a story, mommy.

Well,
here we go again.

[Bbb]

Flintstones
meet the Flintstones

...they're the modern
stone age family

From the town of bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Someday maybe Fred
will win the fight

Then that cat will
stay out for the night

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time

Wilma!