The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 4, Episode 5 - Fred's Monkeyshines - full transcript

Glasses with the wrong prescription cause Fred to mistake a monkey for his Pebbles.

Now then.

We'll have you read this chart.

'Cover the right eye,
and read the top line.'




Now, let's cover the left eye
and read the same line.


Hey! Who took the chart away?



Meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the streets

Through the courtesy
of Fred's two feet

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-dabba-doo time

A dabba-doo time

We'll have a gay old time

- One egg, or two, Fred?
- 'One should do it.'

- Fried or scrambled?
- 'How about an omelet?'

Naturally. It's more work.

Yeah. And I do all the work.

'Okay, let's go, George.'

Hey, how about this?

Washing Stone beat the Rhode
Island Rocksters 54 to 20.

Oh, Fred! That's 24 to 20,
and the Rocksters won it.

Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You better hurry
and eat, dear.

What's the big rush?

Don't you remember?

You have an appointment with
the eye doctor this morning.

Oh, you're startin'
that again, eh?

Let's face it, Fred.

You either need glasses,
or longer arms. Hee hee hee.

Say, you oughta work
in television.

I hear lady comedy writers
make a lot of money.

'Pass the salt, please.'

Salt? One salt comin' up.

Fred, please keep
your appointment.

This is pepper.

[Pebbles giggling]

Not today, Wilma.
Don't you hear that?

I have a date with my daughter.

Goo-goo ga-ga goo-goo.

That's right! The circus.

And dadda is goin' to show
Pebbles the saber-tooth tiger.


And a trained pterodactyl.

And a bull-headed brontosaurus..


' the name
of Fred Flintstone.'

Very funny.

Look! Look, Pebbles!
Here comes the circus.

[circus march music]

[music continues]

'Oh, look!
Here come the monkeys.'

'"Rocco's Marvelous Monkeys."'

keke keke keke

I'll hurry up
and mow the lawn first

then take Pebbles
to the circus.

But, Fred, how about
your appointment?

I've made up my mind, Wilma.

I'm not goin'
to the eye doctor today.

I'm in perfect condition,
including my eyesight.


Okay, superman.
I give up. You're perfect.


Who can understand them?

keke keke keke

Oh, Fred!
I'm going over to Betty's.

So keep an eye on the baby.

Your good eye, that is.



keke keke keke

Goo-goo ga-ga goo-goo.

You wanna go with mommy?

Aw-w-w! Okay, sweetheart.

Come on.


keke keke keke

When you feel bad, women say
"There's nothing wrong with you.

'Get up and go to work."'

But when you feel great,
they want you to go to a doctor.

Oh, boy!

Pebbles baby! Are you alright?

Yoo-hoo! Pebbles!

'Where did you go,
you little monkey?'

keke keke keke

Peek-a-boo yourself,
you little..


Oh, brother!
I gotta get out of the sun.

You're in there, aren't you?


'Sure you are.'

' For a minute I thought
I saw a..'

keke keke keke

A monkey!

My name is Fred Flintstone.

I live at 222, Rock Way.

'I am not seeing things.'

keke keke keke

I am Bedrock,
I live at 222, Flintstone Way.

'I am Rock Way Fred.

keke keke keke


Pebbles is going
to her first circus.

It's exciting.
When is Fred going to take her?

He said right after
he mowed the lawn.

He wouldn't keep his appointment
with the eye doctor.

My name is Fred Flintstone.
I am not seeing things.

Hey, uh, what's the matter
with you, Fred?

Oh, Barney,
am I glad to see you.

Look, Barney, tell me,
when you look at Pebbles

does she look like
a baby to you?

When I look at Pebbles,
does she look like a baby?

Uh, I repeat. What's the matter
with you, Fred?

Wilma's been after me
to have my eyes checked, see.

So, I don't want
her to know this..

...but twice today,
Pebbles has turned into a monkey

in front of my eyes.

I think I'm crackin' up, Barn!


Oh boy, Fred. Don't you know
what's wrong with you?

No. What?

It's psychio-logical.

Wilma's been bugging you
to go to a doctor.

So you think there's something
wrong with you--

And I start imagining
things, right?


You know something, Barn?

You're not as dumb
as everyone thinks you are.

Gee, thanks, Fred.

- Hello, Barney.
- Hiya.

Hey, what's to eat?
I'm starving.

Oh, Barney!

Have a sandwich, Barney.

Where's Fred?

He's taking a nap.

Well, call him,
then we'll eat.

My pleasure.

Barney's right. There's nothin'
wrong with my eyesight.

Pebbles does not look
like a monkey.

I never even thought
I saw a monkey.

keke keke keke

Pebbles! You'll get hurt!

Come down, baby!

Oh, Fred! Lunch is ready.

Hey! Hey, Fred!
What are you doing up there?

What does it look like
I'm doin'?

I'm tryin' to get Pebbles
out of this tree.

Come to daddy, baby!

Look, Fred!
Pebbles is here!

Oh, Fred!

I tell you, Pebbles is up here.

'Fred! Look!'




Fred, where are you going?

Goo-goo ga-ga goo-goo.

"Where am I going?"

To see the eye doctor.
Where do you think?

So that's my story,
Dr. Boulder Dome.

Now tell me the truth. What
do you think it is? Tell me.

Very well, Mr. Flintstone.

- I think you'd better sit down.
- Sure. Sure, doc.

It's my mind, huh?
I'm losin' my mind?

No, it's my carpet.
You're wearing it out.

Now then.

We'll have you read this chart.

'Cover the right eye,
and read the top line.'



Whatever that means. letter at a time,
Mr. Flintstone.

Oh! Yeah. Heh heh.



Now, let's cover the left eye
and read the same line.


Hey, who took the chart away?

Ah-ha! That's it.
We found your trouble.

You have astigmatism.

How do you like that!
Wilma thought it was my eyes.

Heh heh heh.

You'll need corrective glasses
for a short time.

Here. Try these.

Now, read the next line.


Good! And the next.


Fine, fine, fine.

And the teensy-weensy printing
at the bottom.


Heh heh.

I'll have to get
a little closer.


Your bill is $25?

[Dr. Boulder Dome laughing]

That's our little joke.

Here, let me clean
those glasses for you.

Clean 'em? For 25 bucks
you should gold plate 'em.

I'll have them ready in a jiffy,
Mr. Flintstone.


How it never fails!

'When I'm busy,
ring, ring, ring.'

'Dr. Boulder Dome speaking.'

Oh, yes, dear.

Yes, dear.

Yes. Yes, dear.

It's the wife.

Heh heh. I would've bet on it.

Yes, dear. Yes.

Yes, dear. Yes, dear.

Just a minute, dear.

Mr. Flintstone,
just wear the glasses everyday

for the next two weeks,
and you'll be okay.

'Okay, doc.'

'Yes, dear.'

' Yes. Yes.'

I'll see you
in a couple of weeks, doc.


Hey, doc! You need a light
in your reception room.

It takes a few minutes
for your eyes to adjust.


Yes, dear. Yes.

Yes, dear.

Now, where did I park my car?

Ah, here it is.


Wonder how long it takes
for the eyes to adjust.

Hey, I never noticed
that before.

Must be a loose thread.

[siren blaring]

Okay, buddy,
tell me your story.

You always wanted to be a cop
when you were a kid, right?


I just got new glasses
and I thought this was my car.

Oh, brother!

You know, that's so far out,
I believe it.

Yes. Yes, dear.

Yes. Goodbye, dear.

Oh, boy.

Better call in the next patient.

Next! Who's the next
patient, please?


Flintstone was right. I do need
a light in the reception room.


Hey! Wait a minute!

These aren't mine.

Flintstone took
the wrong glasses.


I've gotta let him know
right away.

Oh, where is that phone, anyway?

Ah-ha! Here, here it is.

Hello, operator? Hello.

Hello. Hello.

Number, please.

Oh, knock it off!


Hello, operator?

Boy, I'm sure glad
I got these glasses.

Drivin' around all this time,
not seein' where I was goin'.

It scares me.

I could've had an accident.

That's funny..

I don't remember
that dip in the road.

Oh, well, it's a beautiful day.

'Oops! Spoke too soon.
Gettin' cloudy.'


Wow! They oughta fix
these bumpy roads.

Wilma! I'm home!




You look positively handsome.

You were right, Wilma.

You were right.
I needed glasses.

Here, sweetheart. Mwah!

That's for just bein' pretty.

Don't worry, Dino, old pal.
I didn't forget you.

Have a bone.

Hi, Pebbles!

Goo-goo gaa-gaa.

Yes, sweetheart.

We're goin' to the circus
in just a minute.

Daddy's big girl.


Eh, get Pebbles ready to go,
will you, Wilma?

I'm goin' over to show Barney
my new image.

Heh heh. Boy, I bet
he'll be surprised.


Heh heh heh.

Takes a while
to get used to 'em.

Hmm. He's telling us.

[high-pitched whine]

keke keke keke

keke keke keke

'Yes siree, Fred.'

Those glasses
do something for you.

Yeah. I do look
distinguished, don't I?

You sure do.

At last I can distinguish you
from an elephant.

Say, Barn, that's real funny.

You should come with us
to the circus.

There's a spot for you.

Oh, yeah. Like in the big tent
with the clowns?

[laughing wildly]

No. Like in the cage,
with the other hyenas.

Well, now. Wilma's got
Pebbles ready real fast.

- See you later, Barn.
- Oh, hold it, Fred.

Uncle Barney has to kiss
Pebbles goodbye.

Goodbye, you little...monkey?

'Come on, sweetheart.
Wave goodbye to Uncle Barn.'

keke keke keke

- Fred!
- See you later!


My name is Barney Rubble.
I live at 224, Rocky Way.

I am not seeing things.

blubbb blubbb blubbb



Oh, hello, Dr. Boulder Dome.

No, Fred's not here right now.

Mrs. Flintstone, you've got to
get those glasses off him.

'I thought so. Something's
wrong with them, isn't there?'

Not for me, there's not.
They're my glasses.

Oh, dear!

'But when he's wearing them,
his vision's totally distorted.'

Oh, dear!

Besides, I need those glasses.

I can't find my way out of here.

My name is Barney Rubble.
I am not seeing things.

I live at 224, Rocky Way.

Barney, what's wrong?

Pebbles does not look
like a monkey.


Barney, where's Fred?

He just left, Wilma.

He went to the circus
with a monkey.


That wasn't Pebbles,
that was a monkey.

Wilma, do you know
what he's talking about?

No. But never mind.

We've got to find Fred
and take off his glasses.

We'll have to use your car,

Ooh, I wasn't seeing things.
I'm okay.

Somebody tell me
what's happening.

I'm confused.

[carnival music]

Boy, what a line!
And just for ice-cream.

But don't worry.

Daddy will stand here
all day for sweetheart.

Pardon me, young man,
is that your first baby?

Heh heh heh.
Yes, ma'am, she is.

Oh, how sweet!

I bet she looks
just like daddy.

The spittin' image.


keke keke keke

'Oh, no!'



One cone, please.

- One scoop or two?
- One should do it.

One flip, Henry.

Uh, one for you,
and one for me.


Now, cut that out!
I'll tell you when.

chomp gulp

Hey! That kid can eat.

Heh heh heh.

She's a chip
off the old block, alright.

keke keke keke

Step right up
and show the little lady

your big strong muscles.

Test you strength right here.



Watch your ol' daddy
knock that bell

right off the pole, Pebbles.

Hold the baby for me,
will you?

Sure thing, buddy.

I love kids.

Now keep your eye on daddy,

Ha ha ha.
Nothin' like a cute little..

keke keke keke

Wow! What a homely kid!

Here we go!





So you see, Fred doesn't know
he's wearing the wrong glasses

and everything is out of focus.

Yeah, but there's nothing
to worry about, Wilma.

What could happen to him?

That's right, Wilma.
After all, it's just a circus.

How could he possibly
get into trouble?

Remember, we're talking about
Fred Flintstone.

(Betty and Barney)
He'll find a way!

Let's get our tickets
and go in, Pebbles.

Ah, here we are!

T-I-C-K-E-T-S. Tickets.

Boy, am I glad I got
these lil' glasses?

keke keke keke

I don't know what you're sayin',
sweetheart, but keep talkin'.

You sound awful cute.


I beg your pardon, madam.

After you.

hoo hoo hoo hoo

Well, now,
that's very nice of you.

And may I say, that's a lovely
fur coat you're wearing.

Such a polite lady.

I want you to be just like her
when you grow up, Pebbles.

Now, here we are. Tick-kets.

Boy, what a silly place
for a ticket booth.

A guy could get lost
around here.

Uh-oh. That lady back there
must've dropped this.

Oh, lady!

Wait! This must be yours.

Here you are, ma'am.

I knew right away
it belonged to you.

An alligator purse
is just the right accessory

for your fur coat.
Heh heh heh.

hoo hoo hoo hoo

Oh, brother!
And they put us in cages.

Now see here, Rocco.

With or without
your star monkey, Chipsy

you're on
in five minutes.

Sorry, boss,
we can't make it.

"Can't make it?"

Tidd your circus.

You gotta laugh
when you feel like cryin'.


Rocco, baby, y'all know
the answer to that.

- The show must go on!
- Why?

Well, because otherwise
y'all don't get pay.

Oh! Oh, I see!
Now, that's different.


Alright, now, you monkeys!
On your feet!

The show is just about ready
to start, sweetheart.

Hey, daddy! Look at
the funny-lookin' monkey.


Watch the name callin', kid.

You're not any little
Lord Punkler Rock yourself.

Look, sweetheart!
See the funny clowns?

Ha ha ha ha.


She stole my peanuts!

Hey, bud! Why don't you get
your kid her own peanuts?

Why, you--

[circus screamer music]

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Rocco and his marvelous monkeys.

[audience applauding]

keke keke keke

What are you doing?

Come back here!



[circus music continues]

keke keke keke


My star monkey!
You're back!

keke keke keke


Sweetheart! Come back!

keke keke keke

Baby, please! You'll get hurt!


[audience laughing]

Hey! That fat clown
is a riot. Ha ha ha!

Come down from there, Pebbles!


Hold on, baby!
I'll save you!


Quit it!

What's goin' on?


[circus march music]

Say, you're pretty good.

When did you join the act?

Act? I'm tryin'
to save my daughter.

Now let go of me.

Okay, if you insist.

I insist.

Pebbles, baby! Where did you go?


Boy! Kids don't care where
they park their bikes nowadays.

Fred! Oh, Fred!

I don't see him
anywhere, Barney.

Hey! Down in front.

My kid can't see the clown
on the high-wire.

C-c-clown? It's Fred!

That can't be Fred.

He gets dizzy
in the balcony of the movies.

Come to daddy, sweetheart!

Yup, that's Fred alright.

Oh, no!

Fred! Come down!

Wilma? Is that you?

'Yes, Fred.
Please come down.'

I will,
as soon as I get Pebbles.

Pebbles is here
with me, Fred.

Hey, you're wearing
the wrong glasses.

Barney, you'll scare him.

Oh, sorry, Wilma.

Don't look down, Fred.

You'll get scared
if you see where you are.

I know exactly where I am!

And I'm not wearin'
the wrong glasses!


boingg boingg boingg

'Hold on to him, Chipsy.'

Hold him!


Okay, let him go.

keke keke keke



Fred! Are you alright, Fred?

Yeah, of course
I am, Wilma.

Oh! You scared me to death.

But I must say, you handled
yourself beautifully.

Oh, thank you, sweetheart.

Gee, Fred! You looked
just like a professional.

Well, some people have it,
some people don't.

Oh, you don't have to
be modest, Fred.

It took a lot of nerve
to go all the way up there.

Well, it was really nerve, Barn,
I got a little confused.

Eh, all the way up where?

Up there, on the high-wire.

You mean, I was-was u-u-up..



Hi, Wilma!

Hi, honey. Dinner's
gonna be a little late.


Oh, no! Not again.


Sorry, he's not interested.

That's been going on all day.

What has?

Fred is an overnight sensation.

We've heard from the circus,
TV shows..


Uh! It just never stops.

Not interested. Sorry.

That was a movie company
from Hollyrock.

And all because
his eyesight went bad.

Boy, Fred should try
breaking his leg.

No telling how far he'd go.


Oh, Barney.

Well, I'll say one thing
for Fred.

He's being sensible, and not
taking any of this seriously.

Say, where is the old hippo
of the high-wire?

- 'He's resting.'
- Oh.

boing boing boing

Eh, you had any trouble with big
birds around here, Wilma?

Birds? No, Barney.

Oh, listen.

When Fred comes, don't mention
the word "circus" to him.

I don't care what anybody says,
elephants don't fly.

Therefore, it has to be Fred.

- Hiya, Fred.
- Hi, Barn.

Oh, Wilma!

Hold out for the highest offer.


I'm workin' up a great act.

Oh, no!

I'll be ready for the big time
in two weeks.

Now I'm gonna do something
I haven't tried before.

Fred, please! Not so high!

[high-pitched whine]


Oh, no!

Alright, alright!

So I need
a little more practice.

Did he say a little?

[all laughing]

Meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Someday maybe Fred
will win the fight

And that cat will stay out
for the night

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-dabba-doo time

A dabba-doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time