The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 4, Episode 18 - Flintstone Hillbillies - full transcript

[thunder rumbling]

Hey, there's a sign.

(Fred)
'It says, "You are leaving
Tennestone, The Wet State."'

- It's about time.
- Yeah.

a-a-a-choo

I'm about to catch a cold.

[engine revving]

And this one says,
"You are entering

'Arkanstone, The Dry State."'

Yabba dabba doo!

Here we are.



(all)
Hurray! Arkanstone.

[theme music]

[siren blaring]

Yabba dabba doo!

Flintstones
Meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page right
out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy
of Fred's two feet

When you're
with the Flintstones

You'll have
a yabba dabba doo time

A dabba doo time

You'll have a gay old time



[funeral music]

[man mumbling]

(male #1)
And I guess that 'bout
concludes the ceremony.

Old Zeke Flintstone
is finally laid to rest

at the ripe old age
of one hundred and one.

- You mean a hundred and two.
- Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

He weren't no more than
six years younger than me.

- Ain't that right, ma?
- Yes siree!

Well, in any case,
Zeke Flintstone is gone.

He was the last
of the Flintstones.

Look at them Hatrocks.

They sure are taking this hard.

[all crying]

(male #2)
'Yeah, 'em Hatrocks
sure are crying.'

I thought they hated
Zeke Flintstone.

Well they did.
They did.

The Hatrocks and the Flintstones
have been feudin'

for over 90 years.

I know. So why are they crying?

Why? Why did Zeke
have to leave us?

[Percy howling]

Why did he have to climb
that tree?

He should've knowed
he'd falled and break his neck.

Oh, he did it
on a meanness, Granny.

He knewed it would end the feud

and we wouldn't have no more
Flintstones to shoot.

[crying]

It's a cryin' shame,
that's what it is.

The last Flintstone gone.

Pa, you was there

why didn't you catch Zeke
when he fell out of the tree?

I couldn't. I was too busy
shootin' at him.

[crying]

Poor little Slab,
he's gonna grow up

'not knowing the pleasure
of shootin' a Flintstone.'

[crying continues]

And poor Percy,
never again to know the joy

of bitin' a Flintstone.

[Percy growling]

[Percy howling]

[instrumental music]

[snoring]

Shoo, scat.

splat

Dang porkosaurus.

Knows he ain't allowed
in the house till supper.

Oh, dang.

Oh, gee, Pa.
You think you feel bad.

What 'bout me?

Look at all the time I spent
makin' this high-powered rifle

just to shoot Flintstone with.

What am I gonna do with it now?

You can always shoot
bear with it.

(male #3)
'Oh, it ain't the same.'

Bears don't holler like
Flintstones when they is hit.

Yeah, it looks like
the good old days

is gone forever.

I can remember when the hills
were full of Flintstones.

(Pa)
'We could hardly
take three steps'

'without flushing one
out of somewhere.'

swish

clang

I recollect my pa
comin' home one day

and saying he just got
hisself four Flintstones

and a Kettle Quartz.

A Kettle Quartz?

Sam Kettle Quatrz.

Yeah, he-he was wearin'
a Flintstone hat

and pa let him
have it by mistake.

Yeah, them was
the good old days.

Oh, dang it, Pa.

Ain't there no way
we can keep the feud goin'?

Hey, I know, we don't like
the Millbricks knowhow.

We'll call 'em Flintstones
and feud with them.

(Pa)
'Nope, nope, nope, son.
We can't do that.'

It wouldn't be a pure feud.

And we Hatrocks has always
observed the pure feud law.

Yippee!

bang

crack

Blimey, what in tarnation.

[crying]

Yippee!

Granny, whatcha so
fard happy about?

I just recollected something.

Quite a spell back,
there was a Chad Flintstone.

He was a fat one
with a big nose.

Icky-bicky eyes.

Well, anyway
he had 16 sons.

Sixteen Flintstones
in one fambly?

Eh, what are you tryin'
to do, Granny?

Torture us?

Let me finish.

Now, one of them 16 sons
went away.

'Left these mountains
and never came back.'

- Yeah, so?
- 'Don't you see?'

If that son of a Flintstone
had sons of his own..

Yippee!

Oh, there can still be
some Flintstones around.

Even if there be
a Flintstone left

how you gonna get him
back to the mountain?

Yeah. Ma's right. We'll
have to put out some bait.

Bait's already out, son.

Old Zeke Flintstone's estate.

- 'You mean San Cemente?'
- Yup.

Now that Zeke's gone, the law's
gonna look for an heir.

And when they find him
he's gonna come back

and claim San Cemente.

(Granny)
'It's as simple as that.'

Golly, I sure hope so.

They can't miss.

Nobody in his right mind
would pass up

a chance to claim
an estate like San Cemente.

(Pa)
'Why, for generations it's been
a show place around here.'

(Granny)
'San Cemente. It's too good
for the Flintstones.'

'But I wish right now
it was full of 'em.'

So do I.

I'd get a bead
on a nice fat one and..

bang

thud

[snorting]

I sure hope the law
locates some heirs.

Yup. Come on, law, get busy
and get us some Flintstones.

Yahoo!

Bring back
Bring back

Oh bring back some Flintstones
for us to shoot

Bring back
Bring back

[barking]

Oh bring back
some Flintstones for us♪

[all cheering]

(male #4)
'Very truly yours,
Gladstone J. Shystone.'

'Attorney at law.'

Now read that last paragraph
back to me.

Yes, sir.

"And as the sole
survivin' relative

"of the late Zeke Flintstone

"you are heir to his estate,
San Cemente.

'Please come to Arkanstone
to claim your inheritance."'

Good. That goes to
Fred Flintstone in Bedrock.

Yes, sir.

'And, Miss Shelly'

'I'd like that letter
to go out right away.'

Yes, sir. I'll send it airmail.

clank

[grunting]

Boy, uh, this is the heavy one.

[telephone ringing]

Slate Gravel Quarry.
Slate speaking.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Flintstone.

Yes, yes, he's just having
his cactus break.

I'll call him.

[slurping]

Boy, this cactus cola
sure hits the spot.

Yeah, tastes stronger
than usual.

(Mr. Slate)
'Flintstone!'

Uh, yeah, boss?

(Mr. Slate)
'Telephone! It's your wife!'

Gee, why the wives
always have to call

their husbands at work?

I'm glad you and I
work together, Hazel.

[giggling]

Yes, Lloyd.

Thanks, Mr. Slate.
Yeah, Wilma.

Fred, you've just got
a letter from a lawyer.

Your Great-Great Uncle Zeke
passed away

and left you his estate.

Fred, you're the new lord
of San Cemente.

That's the name
of Zeke's manor. San Cemente.

What? Wilma, Wilma,
well slow down, will you?

- What's she saying?
- I don't know.

Somethin' about a great lawyer
named Sam Cemente

passin' away
and leaving me Zeke Manners.

Wilma, take it easy.
Start over and take it slow.

[Wilma mumbling on phone]

Yeah?

Yeah!

No kiddin'!

Yabba dabba doo!

Boss, I'm rich.

I just inherited an estate.

Yahoo!

Let's dance, boss. I'm rich.

Yawhee!

[whirring]

Yabba dabba doo!

(Fred)
'Whee-whee!'

He may be rich,
but he can't dance.

And you say Fred
never mentioned

this Great-Great Uncle Zeke?

Never. I don't think
he knew he existed.

thud

(Fred)
'Wilma, I'm home.'

[Dino yelping]

(Fred)
'No, Dino.'

[yelping continues]

No, Dino. Heel.

bong

Oh, Dino, stop it.
Cut it out!

Will you wait a minute?

Wilma, w-where is the letter
from the lawyer?

Here it is, Fred.

[mumbling]

"Sole heir to San Cemente.

Please come
and claim your estate."

Yippee!

Yippee!

Dino, will you cut it out?

San Cemente. It sounds
like a castle.

Yeah, I bet it take at least
a hundred and fifty servants

to keep up the place.

Gosh, guess I'll have
to start calling you two

Your Highnesses.

[giggling]
Oh, Betty.

Hey, I just had a thought.

Barney could get some time off
of his job, can't he, Betty?

I guess so. Why?

(Fred)
'You and Barney are going
to Arkanstone with us'

'as my guests. We'll make
a real holiday out of it.'

- Oh, you mean it?
- Sure, sure.

And start gettin' ready
'cause the sooner we leave

the sooner I get
what's comin' to me.

Oh, I'll get mother
to take care of Bamm-Bamm.

I'm sure Barney can make it.
Oh, I'm so excited.

If she's excited,
what about us?

Yahoo!

Oh, ho, ho, Fred.

- 'You know somethin', honey?'
- 'What?'

I like dancin' with you
better than with my boss.

(Fred)
He tries to lead.

Thanks, Barney, that takes
care of my luggage.

And this is all of mine.

What are you taking the gun for?

- Well, uh, Fred's taking his.
- That's right.

Everybody in the Arkanstone
Mountain goes huntin'.

You've seen pictures
of those hillbillies.

- They always have guns.
- 'Yeah.'

(Barney)
'What do you suppose
they shoot, Fred?'

I don't know,
but we'll soon find out.

Come along, Pebbles.

No, honey. No, no. There's
no room for that big doll.

'Take it back into the house.'

[Pebbles crying]

(Fred)
'Alright, alright, Pebbles.'

We'll find room for your dolly.

[Pebbles babbling]

(Fred)
'Oh, no, you don't.
You're not takin' that bone.'

[Dino weeping]

[engine revving]

[sighs]

Arkanstone, here we come.

(all)
Hurray!

"Arkanstone, Filling Station."

I'm gonna have the car checked

and find out
exactly where we are.

Good.

While you're doing that we girls
will freshen up. Right, Betty?

I'm with you.

[Pebbles babbling]

Of course, Pebbles. We'll
get you some grape juice.

You're thirsty.

Hey, I think
I'll get some too, Fred.

I didn't have any breakfast.

One.

Hey, Barney, get me one too.

Okay. Okie-dokie, Fred.

Make it two.

Make it two!

I hear ya. I hear ya.

I'm not deaf you know.

Howdy. Shall I fill her up?

Yeah. With Ethel.

Say, can you tell me
how far we are from San Cemente?

- Old Zeke Flintstone place?
- Yeah, that's right.

It's 'bout 40 miles
straight up 'em mountains.

Oh, boy. Thanks.

creak

Why y'all goin' to San Cemente?
You're fixing to buy it?

(Fred)
'No. It's already mine.'

I inherited it.

Yeah, Zeke Flintstone
was his great-great uncle.

Fred here is his sole heir.

You mean you're a Flintstone?

I'm the Flintstone.

The last of my line.

Well-well, don't you know
about the feud?

Feud?

The Hatrocks
and the Flintstones.

Why, they've been shootin'
each other on sight

ever since folks can remember.

Ah, ha ha. Come on now.

Feudin' went out
with the dark ages.

Take my advice, mister,
go back where you come from

while you're still in one piece.

One big fat piece.

Hey, uh, maybe
he's right, Fred.

Feuds can be dangerous.

Nothin' doin'.
I inherited San Cemente.

And I'm gonna get
what's comin' to me.

We're ready to go, Fred.

(Fred)
'Be right there, Wilma.'

Hey, don't mention any
of this to the girls, Barney.

They'll just worry
over nothin'.

So, uh, you say there's good
huntin' in the mountains, uh?

Well, Barney, we may
be shootin' at somethin'

sooner than we think.

- Or vice versa.
- Cut it out, will you?

Okay, let's go.

'We'll reach San Cemente
in a couple of hours.'

[engine revving]

Cousin Mabel.
This is Cousin Benji.

Get me Cousin Clam
and hurry, Cousin Mabel.

[telephone ringing]

(Gravella)
'Hatrock residence.'

Oh, hi, Cousin Benji.

[mumbling on phone]

Flintstones?

- Flintstones?
- Flintstones?

You sure, Cousin Benji?

[mumbling on phone]

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Sure. Sure.

Much obliged to you, cousin.

Flintstones are comin'.

A whole car load of 'em
coming up the North Road.

Flintstones?
Ya-hoo!

Let me at 'em.

Ma, get my gun.

(Pa)
'We're gonna give them
Flintstones a reception'

they'll remember
as long as they live.

- Maybe longer.
- Maybe till sundown.

[cheering]

We're almost to the top.

San Cemente must be
around here somewhere.

I hope so. I'm tired.

It's awfully quiet.
Aren't there any people up here?

Ah, they're probably around
going about their own business.

Steady, everybody.

I'll tell you when to fire.

I wonder what kind of reception
we'll get from our neighbors?

As the last of the Flintstones
they'll probably give you

a 21-gun salute.

Fire!

[bugle call]

clang

- What the..
- Hey, I was only kidding.

Get them Flintstones.

Hey, Fred. It's the Hatrocks.

- Step on it.
- Yeah, duck down, everybody.

Follow them Flintstones.

Fred, what are those loonies
attacking us for?

They're Hatrocks.

- We got a feud with them.
- A feud?

Hey, quick, Fred. There's a
place up ahead. Turn in there.

screech

Drat! They're inside.

Come on out, Flintstones,
or we'll shoot ya out.

Come and get us.

bang

Ah, you missed me.

bang

Hey, I just thought
of somethin'.

We're not Flintstones.
We're not involved in the feud.

So?

So-so I'm goin' out
and explain to the Hatrocks.

bang

Hey, hold it, Hatrocks.
Don't shoot.

I'm not a Flintstone.
I'm a Rubble.

R-U-B-B-L-E. Rubble.

I'm just a friend
of the Flintstones, that's all.

Just a friend.

And a friend to the Flintstones
is a enemy to the Hatrocks.

Fire!

bang bang bang

What did they say?

They-they said any friend
of the Flintstones

is an enemy of the Hatrocks.

I see what you mean.

You'll never hold that mob off
with just two guns.

Oh, what'll we do?

Stand away from that window
and we'll show you.

You may fire when ready, Dino.

[Dino barking]

Hey, look out.

clang

- How do you like that?
- Firin' back at us.

Dang granit.

You never could trust
a Flintstone.

[laughing]

- I guess that showed 'em.
- Yeah.

Feudin' can be fun, huh, Fred?

But it doesn't do much
for real estate values.

And you can say that again.

Huh, I'd hate to be the owner
of this shack.

Me too. I wonder who is?

- Oh.
- Betty, what's the matter?

Wilma, look at that picture.

(Betty)
'Look at the name on it.'

(Wilma)
'Zeke Flintstone.'

[gasps]
Then this must be San Cemente.

- Oh, Fred?
- Yeah.

Careful with that gun, Fred.

I wouldn't want you
to shoot yourself.

Shoot myself?
Now why would I do that?

(Wilma)
'Because this is San Cemente.'

Yeah? Well, I-I..

San Cemente?

I don't believe it.

(Pa)
'Hey, you Flintstones,
you better come out'

'while there's still somethin'
left to San Cemente.'

I rest my case.

San Cemente.
Wouldn't you know it.

For this we travelled
a thousand miles.

clang

Oh, boy.

I'm goin' home, Granny.

Got a pie bakin' and it
ought to be just about done.

I'll go with you.
Keep a-feudin', Pa.

bang

Ow!

Bull's eye.

[laughing]

How long can they keep feuding?

Hey, here come
the Hatrock women.

bang bang bang

Yes?

Good afternoon. Is the lady
of the house at home?

We've come to pay
our respects.

Ah, ma'am, uh, come in.

(Granny)
'Which one of you ladies
is Mrs. Flintstone?'

I am. This is Mrs. Rubble.

Pleased to meet ya.
I'm Granny Hatrock.

And this is my
daughter-in-law, Gravella.

Howdy. We brought
you somethin'.

Oh, a pie. How nice.

(Granny)
'It's possum pie.'

Uh...uh, possum pie?

pop

Yeah, possum pie.

You were expecting
maybe blackberries?

Uh, won't you ladies sit down?

Oh, no, thanks. We got
to get back to our feudin'.

Come along, Gravella.

Uh, would you tell me
something please?

H-how did this silly
feud get started?

It weren't silly.

About a hundred years ago

Mona Hatrock
had her picture painted.

While all the folks
were admirin' it

Rory Flintstone up and says,
"I don't know what the artist

got for painting that,
but he should have got life."

And that started the feud.

Move aside, fatso.

boing

So that's how the feud started.

All because Fred's ancestor
was an art critic.

clang

Duck, everybody!

bang bang bang

'They've started again.'

Pebbles? Where is Pebbles?

Oh, where's my baby?

Dino, go find her.

(Wilma)
'Quick, everybody out
the back door.'

[Dino sniffing]

We've got to find Pebbles.

It's awful quiet out there.

We'll give 'em
one more volley and rush 'em.

Hold your fire.
Little Slab is missin'.

Slab. Where be ya?

Get goin', Percy.
Find little Slab.

[Percy barking]

We gotta find Slab.

[Pebbles babbling]

[Slab babbling]

- 'Pebbles?'
- 'Slab?'

- Pebbles?
- Slab?

Look, there they are.

[dramatic music]

(Betty)
'Oh, look. They're heading
for the falls.'

Hold on, kids.
I'll save ya.

Hold on.

Yippee!

Look at that Flintstone go.

Don't worry, kids.

Easy. Easy does it.

Gotcha!

(Fred)
'It's alright.
They're both safe.'

Pebbles, you naughty girl.

Mommy ought to spank you.

Slab, I oughta whup you good.

Now, now, take it easy.
They're both safe.

Look at them.

[Pebbles babbling]

[Slab babbling]

(Wilma)
'Oh, the best of friends.'

I think we grown ups
can learn from them.

Yup, reckon you're right.

Us Hatrocks is in your debt.

The Hatrock, Flintstone
feud is over.

And to celebrate we're
throwing a big party.

- Yippee!
- Yippee!

- Yabba dabba doo!
- Yabba dabba doo!

[laughing]

[indistinct chattering]

Some party, huh, Barn?

chomp chomp

You said it,
Cousin Flintstone.

Like I was sayin',
it's quite a picture.

- Who is that?
- That's Mona Hatrock.

'Pa's great-great grandma.'

'A famous artist painted it.'

[Fred laughing]

I don't know
what the artist got

for paintin' that picture..

...but if you ask me
he should've got life.

Let's get him.

The feud's on again.

'Yippee!'

crash

bang bang bang

Oh, boy.
This is where we came in.

Yeah, and this is the last

they'll see of the last
of the Flintstones.

Get them Flintstones.
Come back.

Blast 'em.
Come back now.

Get them Flintstones.

[theme music]

Flintstones
Meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Some day maybe Fred
will win the fight

And that cat will stay out
for the night

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba dabba doo time

A dabba doo time

You'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time

Wilma!

[banging]