The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 4, Episode 15 - Once Upon a Coward - full transcript

Hiya, Bamm-Bamm.

How's the strongest baby
in the world today?

Oh-ho, he's fine.

Hey, we thought
he had the mumps yesterday.

But the doctor
who examined him

and said what we thought
was swelling

was only some new muscles.
Heh heh heh.

[Fred laughing]

Go on, Bamm-Bamm. Shake hands
with your Uncle Fred.

Hello there, feller.

Bamm! Bamm! Bamm!
Bamm! Bamm! Bamm!



Yeoww!

Hey, Bamm-Bamm, let go.

Sorry, Fred. Little Bamm-Bamm
doesn't know his own strength.

Heh heh heh.

Either that
or when you said shake hands

he thought you said
break hands.

squawkkk

Yabba-dabba-doo!

Flintstones
Meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy
of Fred's two feet



When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-dabba-doo time

A dabba-doo time

We'll have a gay old time

So, the doctor
says to the guy..

"What you need
is fresh air and exercise."

And the guy says,
"Fresh air and exercise?

Doc, I'm a mailman!"

[both laughing]

Oh, boy!
That's a good one, Fred.

How's a bird supposed
to get any sleep around here?

What do they think I am,
a night owl?

[Fred laughing]

- Sam Quartz told it to me.
- What's so funny?

I told Barney the story about
the mailman and the doctor.

Oh.

As long as we're standing
in front of the Rubble residence

would you like to come in?

Thanks, Betty.
But it's sort of late.

We told Mrs. Sitstone
we'd be home early.

Yeah and we can't
get the babysitter mad.

- Well, goodnight, Barney.
- Goodnight, Fred.

- Goodnight, Betty.
- Goodnight, Fred.

- 'Goodnight, Betty.'
- 'Goodnight, Wilma.'

- 'Goodnight, Barney.'
- 'Goodnight, Wilma.'

Goodnight already. Shee!

Did you have fun
bowling tonight, sweetheart?

[sighs]
Yes, I did, Fred.

Say, would you carry
my bowling ball?

I really got tired tonight.

Oh, sure! I'm sorry, honey,
I should've thought of it.

- Stick 'em up.
- Huh?

You heard me,
stick 'em up.

Fred, what are you going--

Don't turn around, lady,
or fat boy here gets it.

Of all the nerve!

I'll just take
your wallet, sir. Heh heh.

These bowling balls
are heavy.

And they're gonna get heavier.

Now, I want you to count
to a thousand, see.

And count nice and slow, see.

That's the way to do it.

Nice and slow.

Y-y-yes, sir.

Nice and slow.

One, two--

He's gone, Fred.

Three, four..

- ...five, six--
- 'Let's get the police.'

Wilma, I promised him
I'd count to a thousand.

Now, you made me miss my count.

Let's see.
Seven, eight, nine, ten..

[chime music]

Goo-goo gaa-gaa.

Oh, my! You certainly
love that grape juice, Pebbles.

Now, go back to sleep
like a good girl.

'Isn't she just darling?'

slam

Oh, Mrs. Flintstone!
What on earth is wrong?

We were just held up,
Mrs. Sitstone.

Operator, get me the police.

...21, 22, 23..

What's taking the police
so long?

By the time they get here that
crook will be out of the state.

...357...358..

'Oh, Fred!
Put those bowling balls down.'

Yeah? Oh yeah.

You know, Fred?
I've been thinking.

It's a good thing
you didn't decide to act a hero

with the hold-up man. There's no
telling what he might've done.

You're so right, Wilma.

I could've got my head shot off.

What do you mean, it's a good
thing I didn't act a hero?

Are you implying
I was a coward?

Of course not, Fred.

I just meant that..

Well, like you said,
he might've shot your head off

if you hadn't--

Come on, say it,
if I hadn't been a coward.

Fred Flintstone,
now you're being ridiculous.

Fine thing! Just because I keep
cool and don't lose my head

my own wife
thinks I was afraid.

If you don't stop that, I'm
gonna crown you with this vase.

[siren blaring]

The police are here.
Let them in, Fred.

Oh, no! Not me!
I'm too much of a coward.

I'm scared
to open doors at night.

knock knock knock

You're the lady
that reported a hold-up?

Yes, come in, please.

It happened
right outside the house.

Right outside, eh?
Better take notes, Harvey.

(Harvey)
'Right.'

Alright, now,
sit down and relax, lady.

And try to remember
exactly what happened.

Can you describe the man?

Well, he was wearing a mask
and it was dark.

Uh-huh. Got that, Harvey?

Right. He was wearin'
a dark mask.

We couldn't get
a good look at the guy.

But I can describe his voice.

Eh, it was mean and dangerous.

The way he said..

"Nice and slow.
See, that's the way to do it."

My wife thinks I'm a coward,
by not offering any resistance.

Why, that's silly.
You did the wise thing, mister.

It's not bravery to tangle with
an armed man, it's foolishness.

I didn't have a chance
in the world.

He was behind me
pokin' a gun in my back.

I'll show you
exactly how it was.

Now, you're me.

What was I to do?

You can see
I didn't have a chan-n-nce!

We'll go out and look
around the neighborhood.

He may still be around.
Goodnight, ma'am.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, sir.

"Nice and slow, see." Uh-h-h!

snip snip snip

So, now,
Wilma thinks I'm a coward.

But, Fred,
that isn't like Wilma.

Surely, she realizes
there was nothing you could do

under the circumstances.
Nothing anybody could do.

Eh, I wish you'd tell her that,
will you, Barney?

Oh, sure! Glad to.

Oh, Wilma!

- 'Wilma!'
- Yes?

I think, you're doing Fred
an injustice, Wilma.

I mean, I know Fred,
and he isn't a coward.

I never said he was.

Not in so many words, maybe.
But you implied it, Wilma.

Fred, don't forget this hold-up
man had tremendous advantage.

- A gun.
- He had it pointed at my back.

I'll show you exactly
how it was, Barney.

Stand right here.
Pretend this is the gun, Barney.

Alright.

And you'll see
that I didn't have a chan-n-nce!

Boy, he flies better
than I do.

crashhh

Honestly, Wilma, I don't see how
you can play bridge so soon

after that hold-up.

After an experience like that,
I'd still be trembling all over.

I've got news for you,
Gladys.

You know, when I was shaking
that cup of cactus tea..

Well, I wasn't doing
it on purpose.

[all laughing]

Hi, Wilma! I'm home!

'Oh! Hello, ladies!'

Hi, Fred! I think you know
everybody here.

Oh, sure, sure.

Do you bring any news,
Mr. Flintstone?

Have they caught the man
who robbed you?

Not yet,
but I hope they do soon.

Well, I won't sleep soundly
until they do.

The very idea.

A man going around
waving a pistol in your face.

Well, it wasn't in my face,
it was in my back.

I wish he had waved
the gun in my face.

Oh!

Yes, yes of course.

Sure! What chance have you got
if you can't see the guy?

Well, that's true.

If he's behind you, I suppose
there's not much you can do.

Yeah, but there are
some people

who don't take that
into consideration.

Oh, brother!

I'll show you exactly how it
happened, Mrs. Shwartzquartz.

Now, you be me, see.

Fred!

And I'm the crook
and I got a gun here

and I say "Stick 'em up."
See, there's nothing you can do.

You haven't got a chan-n-nce!

crashhh

thwackkk

Why won't anybody believe me..

crashhh

...when I tell 'em
I didn't have a chance.

Now, hold on
for a minute, Pebbles.

Goo-goo gaa-gaa goo-goo.

'Okay, go!'

[cooing]

[both laughing]

- You like to slide, eh?
- Goo-goo gaa-gaa goo-goo.

Hiya, Mr. Flintstone.
Hello, Pebbles.

- Hi, Arnold.
- Goo-goo gaa-gaa goo-goo.

Say, have the police caught
the man who held you up?

Not that I know of, Arnold,
but they will.

Sure. My dad says it's a good
thing for that robber

he didn't hold him up.

My dad says, he'd have tossed
him for a loop.

Oh, yeah? Well, you tell
your father there was nothing

he or anybody else could've
done. The guy had a gun.

- Yeah, but--
- No, buts.

He had a gun pointed
right at my back.

If I'd so much as said "boo",
he'd have plugged me.

Gee! I guess dad isn't aware
of the actual circumstances.

He sure isn't.

Here, I'll show you
exactly how it was.

Now, you be me. You pretend
I'm holding the gun on you.

I've just sneaked up on you
and you're caught by surprise.

What can you do?

You haven't got a ch-ch-ch..

thunkkk

Fred! We got those toys
for Pebbles.

Now, stop playing with them
before you break something.

Oh, boy!

Aren't you listenin'
to the news broadcast?

Did something special
happen today?

Oh, just wondered
if they caught the bandit yet.

"Fortunately, the drivers
of both vehicles were unhurt."

And that concludes
the news for..

Wait, wait!
Here's a late news bulletin.

'"Another armed robbery
in Bedrock."'

'Or rather,
attempted armed robbery.'

"An armed man held up
Mr. Lo-Ellen J. Fosbrick.

"But instead of
surrendering his wallet

"Mr. Fosbrick reached around,
grabbed the man

"and threw him to the ground.

"Unfortunately, the hold-up man
ran away before Mr.."

The show-off.

Show-off?

I thought he acted very bravely.

Oh, sure! He's brave
and I'm a coward.

Oh, Fred,
I didn't say that.

Well, you didn't have to, Wilma.
I could see it in your eyes.

It's there
for the whole world to read.

My husband,
Fred W. Flintstone is a coward.

Will you stop
that nonsense, Fred?

knock knock knock

Come in.

Hi! Hey, Fred, I'm taking
Bamm-Bamm for a little walk.

I thought maybe you and Pebbles
would like to join us.

Pebbles is taking a nap, Barney.
But I'll go with you.

If you promise
not to say "boo" and scare me.

Us cowards scare easy, you know.

Oh, Fred, for heaven's sake!

And to make matter's worse,
we have to hear on TV

what Lo-Ellen D. Fosbrick did
when he was held up.

Well, just the same, Fred

I'm sure Wilma doesn't think
you are a coward.

What makes you so sure?

Well, you got married,
didn't you?

That takes plenty of courage.
Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha! Very funny.

Oh, boy, would I like to catch
up with that hold-up man?

Yeah, but you wouldn't know him
if you saw him, would you?

That's the trouble,
but I know his voice.

"Nice and slow, see.

That's the way to do it.
Nice and slow."

I'll never forget that voice
as long as I live.

Hey, I got a cousin
who talks like that.

Is he a hold-up man?

No, it's a she.
Cousin Florabell.

- Eh, you!
- Hey, hey, hold it, Fred.

I see, Sonny Dempstone

the heavyweight boxing champ
is in town.

"The champ will take
on all comers."

(Fred)
'Boy, look at the size
of that guy.'

Heh heh.

I'm sure glad
I'm not a comer.

Yeah. You mean,
I'll get the fight over.

There's a lot of talk
about banning boxing.

Bam! Bam! Bam!
Bam! Bam! Bam!

Yeah, Bamm-Bamm.
I bet you could at that.

Bamm-Bamm says he could take
Dempstone in two rounds.

Heh heh. No doubt about it.

This is a stick up.

Put all your money in a bag,
and put your hands down.

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

Hey, Fred. I got an idea how you
can show Wilma you're no coward.

How?

Well, challenge Sonny Dempstone.

Eh, you can't do anything braver
than get in a ring with him.

But Sonny will massacre me.

Well, I'm only trying
to help you, Fred.

If you're gonna start pickin'
my ideas to pieces.

Fine, now I want you to count up
to one thousand, see.

And count nice and slow, see.

That's the way to do it.

Nice and slow.

Yes, sir. One, two..

Now, wait, Barney.

crashhh

Oh, I'm awful sorry.

Here you are, sir.
You dropped your bag.

Yeah, thanks, see ya.

- I really am sorry.
- 'Ah, forget it.'

- Are you okay, Fred?
- Sure, sure.

Now, what were we talkin' about?

About you challenging Dempstone.

Oh, yes, yes.
Okay, I'll fight him.

But I wish he was
the hold-up man

I was climbing that ring with.

How I'd like to get my hands
on that guy.

I'd twist his neck
and I'd give the old, one, two.

- Hey, Fred! Fred!
- I'll give the old three, four.

Fred! Fred, hold it!
Hold it, Fred.

Save your strength
for Sonny Dempstone.

Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.

Here we are. Sonny Dempstone
versus All comers.

Fred, I wish I knew
why you brought me here.

You know I detest fights.

And so does Betty.

Yeah, but this is somethin'
special. Come on.

Look at that monster.

Anybody that fights him must be
pretty brave, right Wilma?

Anybody that fights him
ought to have his head examined.

They do! They do!
Heh heh heh heh.

Right after the fight.
Heh heh.

In the hospital.

Thanks, pal.
Come on, let's get to our seats.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Sonny Dempstone is ready to meet

any and all comers.

- 'Who will be first?'
- Go ahead, Fred.

Yeah, er, no, Barney,
I don't wanna go first.

That might look pushy.

Surely, they must be someone
willing to meet Sonny.

Someone strong,
brave, well insured.

Oh, come on, Fred,
get it over with.

Yeah, you're right.

Well, here goes.

I challenge the champion.

We have a challenger.

And what is your name,
brave sir?

My name, ahem,
my name is Fred Flintstone.

Fred!

And I challenge the champion.

I challenge the champion to meet
my friend here Barney Rubble.

Hey, Fred Cut it out!
I decline the nomination.

Put him down, Fred!

Yes, Fred.
You've got your nerve.

Alright, we've had
our little joke.

Now, how about a real man
stepping up.

- I will!
- So will I!

- Me too!
- I'll have a go at 'im!

Ladies and gentlemen,
Sonny Dempstone meets

his first challenger
of the evening.

Now, I want a nice clean..

bappity bappity bappity

crashhh

Who's next?
Any more brave men here?

This is awful.
I'm getting out of here.

You and me both.

Wait, Wilma. Before you go
I gotta do something.

- What?
- Well--

Go ahead, Fred.
This is your last chance.

Yeah. Yeah, last chance.

I'll show you what, Wilma.

Hey, I wanted--

Hold everything,
that's all for the night.

They'll be no more fights.

Why? We just got started.

Because you haven't got
a license to hold fights here.

Alright, folks.
You can all go home.

Everybody out!

[crowd booing]

[sobbing]
Oh, phoo.

Oh, knock it off, Sonny.

How do you like that?

Just when I'm about
to challenge the champ.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Sure, Fred, sure.

But I was.

Hey, Wilma!
Barney will tell you.

Barney, say somethin'.

Oh, phoo.

Yeah. Gee, that was a tough
break yesterday, Fred.

Just when you were ready
to meet the champ

the police had to come in
and stop everything.

Yeah. Now, how am I gonna
convince Wilma I'm not a coward?

Hey, wait!

Please come back!

Hold it! Don't run!

screech

He's gone! That's the fourth one
I've lost this week.

- The fourth what?
- Tiger-tamer.

- I'm Shirley, the circus owner.
- Oh!

That man I was chasin'
was the Great Ricardo.

My star performer.

What's he runnin' away for?

Because he's a coward.

He's afraid to do an act
with Matilda.

Who's Matilda?

The world's largest and most
ferocious saber-tooth tiger.

And Ricardo ran out.

Without my star attraction
I'm ruined.

Well, that's show business.

Say, Mr. Shirley, what if
I can get you a substitute

for the Great Ricardo?

- You mean it?
- Who you got in mind, Barn?

Who do you know crazy enough
to get in a cage

with a saber-tooth tiger?
The biggest in the world yet.

- Hiya, buddy.
- Oh, no.

Not me! No siree, bob.

But what better way to convince
Wilma you're not a coward.

No, sir, absolutely,
positively, definitely

unequivocal,
unconditionally, no!

[circus march music]

Ladies and gentlemen.
Kiddies of all ages.

In just one minute,
you will witness

an incredible act of bravery.

When the great Fredito
will risk life, limb

demonstratin' his mastery
on Matilda.

'The most ferocious tiger
in the world.'

rowwwrrr

I wonder where Fred can be.

Oh, don't worry, Wilma,
he'll be here. I promise you.

In fact, I happen to know
the act won't start without him.

But what's all the secrecy? Why
does he have to meet us here?

Why couldn't he come with us?

Well, you know Fred.
He's a great one for surprises.

Yes, but...oh, look at that
little old lady.

She must be lost.

O-o-ld lady, w-w-wait.

Yes?

My hat!

chomp chomp chomp

'You mean old thing.'

thwackkk

Shame on you.

That was my best hat.

You bad, bad, bad.

rowwwrr

thwackkk

Help her, Barney!

Why? Heh heh heh.
She's doing fine by herself.

thudd thudd thudd

[whimpering]

- Some ferocious tiger!
- What a fake!

- 'I want my money back!'
- 'Me too!'

We may as well go, too.

Yeah. Let's go
see the aerial acts.

Oh, but, girls,
you can't go yet.

In just a minute,
the great Fredito

is gonna risk life and limb
in with the tiger.

Are you kidding?

The only risk anybody takes
with that tiger

is catching
some of it's fleas.

[giggling]

But-but-but wait! Fred is..

[circus screamer music]

(Shirley)
'And now the great Fredito.'

clap clap clap

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

Oh, boy.

knock knock knock

(Fred)
'Come in.'

- Hiya, Fred.
- Oh, hi, Barn.

Are you in a mood
for some kegeling?

Huh?

I thought we were going
bowling tonight.

We are kegeling.
It's another word for bowling.

Speak English, will you?

If you mean bowling,
say bowling.

- Oh, hello, Barney.
- Hiya, Wilma.

Honey, Barney and I
are going kegeling.

Alright, dear. Have fun.

I'll get my kegeling ball.

You know what, Wilma?

It was just a week ago tonight
that you and Fred got held up.

I know and they still
haven't caught the robber.

So long, honey.
I won't be late.

Stick 'em up. Heh heh heh.

Oh, that's a dangerous thing
to do, Barney.

Yeah, why?

Because while I'm holding
my bowling ball like this

I might accidentally drop it.

I see your point.

I feel it too.

Be careful coming home, Fred.

They still haven't caught
that hold-up man.

Yeah, yeah.
You see that, Barney?

You see how she has
to rub it in.

Rub what in, Fred?

That she thinks
I'm a coward.

"Be careful, they still haven't
caught that hold-up man yet."

Oh, boy.

If only I could get my hands
on that hold-up guy.

Now, watch this one,
Freddy boy.

A one and a two.

thuddd

thudd thudd thudd

Oh, boy! Am I hot tonight?

Okay, Fred, your turn.

Yeah, but I don't feel
much like bowlin', Barn.

Hey, bud! Wanna give your friend
some pointers on bowlin'?

He's too fast.

Nice and slow, see.

That's the way to do it.

Nice and slow.

Yeah, you're right. Thanks.

Hey, Barn,
you should slow down.

Nice and slow, see.

That's the way to do it.

Nice and..

Hey, you're the guy!

I'll never forget the way
you said "Nice and slow, see"..

...when you held me up.

You thief! You crook!
Come back here!

Stop! Thief! Stop!

We'll never catch him, Fred.
He's too fast for us.

Oh, yeah?
Just watch this, Barney.

I'm not the bowlin' champ
of Bedrock for nothin'.

screechhh

thuddd

What's going on?

Can't you see?

Brave and fearless,
Fred Flintstone just risked life

and limb to capture a dangerous
desperate criminal.

Heh heh heh.

This oughta prove
somethin' to Wilma.

"And thanks
to Mr. Flintstone's bravery

the police have the bandit
locked up and--"

Oh, let me!

"And we citizens
can relax once more.

Hats off to Fred Flintstone.
Man of valor."

Heh heh heh.

Well, that's quite a write-up.

Oh, Fred! I'm so proud of you.

And you're convinced now, that
I'm not a coward, huh, Wilma?

Oh, Fred! I never
for a moment thought you were.

Well, don't ever think it.

Just think of me like it says
in the paper. Men of valor.

Yes, dear. Man of valor.

Mwah!

Goo-goo gaa-gaa goo-goo.

smack smack smack

There you are, Fred.
From your own daughter.

Her own medal of valor.

What more could you ask for?

slurppp

Dino!

Ah! That makes it complete.

[all laughing]

Flintstones
Meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Some day maybe Fred
will win the fight

And that cat will stay out
for the night

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-dabba-doo time

A dabba-doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time

Wilma!