The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 3, Episode 3 - Barney the Invisible - full transcript

Announcer:
He delivers...

It looks good...
Good... good...

Perfect strike
for blowhard!

No, wait.
Two pins have stood up!

Instead of a strike,
It's a split.

Oh, here comes the ball...

And it misses.

Looks like the pin jumped
up out of the way!

Now Flintstone's ready.

He delivers the ball...

and it's wild. The ball
might hit the 7 pin...



And it did.

No, it's a strike!
How about that?

Yay!

Stick around, blowhard.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Ha ha ha!

(squawk)

Yabba-dabba-doo!

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones
They're the modern Stone Age Family

From the town of Bedrock
They're a page right out of history

Let's ride with the family down the street
Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet

When you're with the Flintstones
Have a yabba-dabba-doo time

A dabba-doo time
We'll have a gay old time

Just look at
this bundle of wash!



And every bit of it
is Barney's.

That man must change his clothes
at least four times a day.

Ok, Cicero,
turn the water on.

(slurp)

That's enough.

(arf arf arf!)

Come on, sam.
In you go.

(arf arf arf!)

Sam sure helps
get the clothes

nice and clean.

Uh-oh.
Here I go again.

(hiccup hiccup hiccup)

(hiccup hiccup hiccup)

That was a ring-ding-dinger!

Oh, dear.
You still have

Those nasty old hiccups,
Haven't you, Barney?

Well, I...

(hiccup hiccup)

(hiccup hiccup hiccup)

Aw, come on,
knock it off!

(stops hiccuping)

That's better.

(squawk)

Like I was saying,
I'm ok for a while,

And then it starts
all of a sudden.

I'm worried, Barney.

I'll ask Wilma.
She might know a cure.

Yeah. Maybe she does.

(hiccup)

That was a sneaky one.

You're telling me!

You mean he still
has the hiccups?

Uh-huh. The poor dear.

He didn't get
any sleep last night,

And he's worse
than ever today.

That's terrible!

Did you try
kerosene and sugar?

- The very first thing.
- Slapping him on the back?

Didn't work.

Standing on his head?

Just gave him a headache.

Well, I suggest you send him
to the doctor, Betty.

Mmm, I guess
I'll have to,

Unless Fred
has some ideas.

Oh, no.
Don't tell Fred.

Barney would never recover!

I guess you're right, Wilma.

Say, I hope he didn't
hear us talking about it.

Don't worry. Fred's
out in the garage...

working on another
of his nutty inventions.

You remember his last one,
the hair grower?

Uh-huh. But Fred
said it worked.

It actually grew hair
on a dodo bird egg.

But it won't grow hair
on anything else!

If there's ever a demand
for hairy dodo eggs,

Fred's all set.

Now he's trying to invent
a new soft drink.

Ah-choo!

I could use a drink
on this dusty job.

Fred: let's see...
2 drops

of concentrated sassafras

And a dash
Of mango juice.

That's what it needed.

Now to blend all
the secret ingredients together.

(bubble bubble)

Success after 411 tries.

Say... that would make
a good name for it.

Introducing the new
soft drink sensation,

Fred Flintstone's 411-up.

Ptooo!

Nyagh nyagh nyagh!

Eww!

Well...412-up,
Coming up.

Come to think of it,

Some of the greatest inventions
were discovered by accident.

I'll pour
everything together

and see what
I come up with.

There.
I got everything in it

except the kitchen sink.

(boom)

Maybe I should have
added the kitchen sink.

Hiya, Fred.
Is it safe to come in?

Ha ha ha!

Funny.
Very funny.

What's on your mind,
Barney?

I'm kind of busy.

Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

Just passing by
on my way to see the doctor.

The doctor? What's the matter,
with you, Barney-boy?

Well, I got the...

(hiccup hiccup)

Hiccups.

(hiccup)

Don't tell me you're
going to the doctor

for something as
chintzy as hiccups?

Well, Betty said
I should go.

Well, I can save you
The trip, pal,

Because I can cure
Your hiccups.

Hey, no kidding.

I never kid
about science, Barney.

This is one of my
first inventions...

The Fred Flintstone
hiccup cure.

That looks like
an ordinary sack to me, Fred.

It fits over
your head like this.

Hey, hurry up, Fred.
I'm afraid of the dark.

Ha ha ha!

Hold it tight
around your neck

so no air can get in.
That's it.

Now what, Fred?

Blow, hard.

Keep blowing.

(hiccup hiccup)

(hiccup hiccup)

Nice try, Fred, But I'd better
see the doctor.

Wait, wait. I know a sure-fire
cure in stubborn cases.

Close your eyes.

Uh... how's That, Fred?

Good.
Now don't peek.

I read somewhere that
hiccups disappear

if the patient
gets a sudden scare,

and Barney is timid about
sharp hatchets.

- Hey, Barney.
- Yeah?

You can open
your eyes now.

(hiccup hiccup hiccup)

(hiccup hiccup)

Gee! He's worse than ever.

Hey, maybe a drink
Of 412-up will help.

(hiccup hiccup)

Hold it, Barney.

Here. Drink this.

Yuck! Ooh,
That tastes awful.

I, uh... I Feel
Kind of funny, Fred.

What do you mean,
Funny?

Barney, what's the matter?

Oh, boy! Barney,
where are you?

I'm right
in front of you.

Boy, you must need glasses.

Huh?

That drink
did the trick, Fred.

The hiccups have
completely disappeared.

And you with them, Barney!

You're invisible!

Invisible?
Oh, that's ridiculous.

If I was invisible,

I wouldn't be able to see
myself in this mirror.

I, uh... Fred!

I'm gone!
I am invisible!

I can't see myself!

Neither can I!

Here. Put on this cap
So I know where you are.

Ok.

Now what, Fred?
You got to help me.

I did help you.

I cured your hiccups,
didn't I?

Oh, yeah. I forgot.
Thanks.

But how you gonna
make me visible again?

How should I know?

Why is it every time
you show up

You make trouble for me?

Trouble for you?

Seems like I'm the one
who's in trouble.

Yeah, but think of the fix
I'm gonna be in

when you blab
To Wilma and Betty...

that I made you invisible.

I won't tell, Fred,

But it's gonna be kind of hard
to keep it from Betty

when she sees this hat
floating around the room.

Let's face it.
She's going to ask questions.

Yeah. Wives are kind of nosy
about something like that.

Look, give me a break,
Barney.

Before you tell her, let me try
to find something to cure you.

Ok, Fred.

Maybe this will work.

Here.
Try some seaweed juice.

If you say so, Fred.

Here goes.

Nothing.

That's ok.
There's plenty Of stuff here.

Fred! Oh, Fred!
Lunch is ready!

Oh, dear. The garage
door is closed.

He can't hear me.

Boy! Fred and his
Hush-hush inventions.

Fred: here, try this.
You can't stop now.

Barney: No more, Fred.
I don't want any more.

That's funny. Barney was
supposed to see the doctor.

He couldn't be back yet.

Stop squirming!

It's for your own good!

No more! No more!

Come on!
Come on! Drink it!

This one might work!

Barney: I don't want any more!

Fred!

Aah! Wilma!

You, uh...
Startled me.

Fred Flintstone,
what's going on in here?

I'm...I'm Conducting
an experiment.

That's what's going on.

An experiment?

Looked more like you were
inventing a new dance step.

And what happened to Barney?

Barney?

Yes, Barney.
I distinctly heard...

Barney Rubble's
voice in here.

Well, look around.
Do you see Barney?

No, I don't, but I was
sure I heard his voice.

Ok. Come on.
Lunch is ready,

and this cap
should be hanging up.

Fred, how did
you do that?

No questions, please.

It's top-secret...

And I ain't kidding.

I still think
that cap trick

was done with mirrors.

It couldn't possibly
get there by itself.

Oh, boy! Corned
brontosaurus on rye!

While you figure out
How I done it, sweetie,

I'll dig in.

Barney, cut that out.

Ixnay, Barney.
Ixnay.

Now cut that out,
Barney!

Barney?
What do you mean?

Barney's at
the doctor, Fred.

Huh? Oh, yeah,
the doctor, yeah.

Sorry.

You feel all right,
Fred?

Yeah, sure.

Why don't you
drop by the doctor

and see
how barney is?

Yeah, yeah. Good idea.
I'll leave right now.

Doggone that Barney.

He made me
miss my lunch.

Hey, Barney.
You out here?

Where are you, Barney?

(arr arr arr)

No, Dino! Not you!

I'm not calling you!
Down, boy! Down! Down!

(arr arr arr)

Cut it out! Ha ha ha!
Dino, cut it out!

Heel, boy! Heel!

Ha ha!

(arr arr arr)

Barney: hey, Dino,
cut that out.

Leave Fred alone, Dino.

(yipe yipe yipe)

Ha ha ha!

Look at him go!

He heard you,
but he couldn't see you!

That's real funny.

Not to me, Fred.

Fred, who are you talking to?

Uh... nobody, Wilma.

I was practicing

a little ventriloquism.

Well, stop acting silly
and get going.

Yeah, ok.
Ok, Wilma.

I'm worried about Fred.

He's been acting so strange.

I better have
the doctor check him

while he's at the office.

I'm supposed to see you at
the doctor's, Barney.

Can I use your car?
Mine has a flat.

Oh, sure, Fred.

Only, you know I don't like
anybody to drive my car.

I'll take you
there myself.

Yes, Doctor. Quartz, He's on
his way to your office now.

Well, I'm really worried.

He keeps acting so...

So peculiar.

What do I mean?

Well, he keeps talking
To himself, and...

(car engine)

Right now, he's using
our neighbor's car,

But nobody's driving!

(tweet tweet)

(tweet tweet)

No driver?

Oh! Those onion-pterodactyl
Sandwiches

will do it every time!

Hey, pull into
the bowling alley, Barney.

Bowling alley?
Why?

We can watch a few games

while I figure out
what to do with you.

Ok.

Barney: Hey, look, Fred.
There's blowhard sandstone

Bowling
On alley 2.

Yeah, I see him.

You're the best
Bowler here

except for him.

He's got a hex
on me or something.

I just can't seem
to beat that loudmouth.

Uh-oh. He spotted
You, Fred.

He's looking right at you.

Yeah. He's gonna challenge me
to a game, I bet you.

Well, if it ain't
old Fred Flintstone!

Ha ha ha!

I heard the flapping
of wings,

And I said, that sounds
like a pigeon just flew in.

I look around,
and I was right!

My favorite pigeon,
Fred Flintstone,

is sitting there!

Hey, you going
to bowl a game, Freddy?

Not today, blowhard.

Well, I don't blame you.

You never beat me anyway!

Ha ha ha!

Oh, boy. Once, just once,
I'd like to beat that guy

And get him
off my back.

Why don't you
play him, Fred?

What for?
I'd only lose.

Well, not if you had
an invisible friend

to help you
down by the pins.

Hey, yeah.

Yeah! You could
make sure I win!

Hold it, blowhard!

I'll play you a game.

Hey, you guys!
Watch!

I'm going to knock off
Fred Flintstone again!

Ha ha ha!

Announcer:
Blowhard sandstone,

Who has never lost a
match game, Lead off.

He makes the approach
and the delivery...

Oh, It's a beautiful ball,

Hooking just right
For the pocket...

No! It bounced
into the next alley

As if someone kicked it.

Blowhard must have had
too much hook on it that time.

And Fred flintstone
Gets a break,

But this game's
only starting.

Blowhard tries
For a spare.

He delivers...

It looks good...
Good... good...

Hey! The ball's slowing down.

It stopped.
Now it's coming back!

Oh, a lot of backspin
On that ball.

It looks like blowhard

deliberately missed
the first two balls

To give Fred Flintstone
a handicap.

A nice gesture,

and skillfully done.

Psst! Hey, Barney.
Nice going.

Announcer: blowhard moves
To the next alley.

He's into his approach,
and it looks good.

Perfect strike for blowhard!

No, wait.
Two pins have stood up!

Instead of a strike,
It's a split.

Here comes the ball...

And it misses.

Looks like the pin jumped
Up out of the way!

Now Flintstone's ready.

He delivers the ball...

And it's wild. The ball
Might hit the 7 pin...

And it did.

No, it's a strike!
How about that?

Yay!

Stick around,
Blowhard.

You ain't see nothing yet.

Ha ha ha!

Announcer: what a man.
What a man!

Flintstone has bowled
a strike in every frame.

He needs only one more
for a perfect game,

And he's going to try for it...
blindfolded!

Oh, what confidence.

He's got the ball,

And he's passing it
through his legs

like a football center.

The ball is headed straight
for the center pin.

Looks like it will be
a 7-10 split...

And it is a split.
Oh, too bad.

No, wait! The 7 pin
starts to wobble. It falls!

And now the 10 pin goes down!
It's a strike!

Fred flintstone has bowled
a perfect game!

Yabba-dabba-doo!

And Blowhard Sandstone
is having a little trouble

hiding his disappointment.

Boo hoo hoo hoo!

Heh heh heh!
a perfect game.

Boy, did we fool
old blowhard.

Ha ha ha!

Fred, did you
figure out

how to get me
uninvisible yet?

Are you kidding?

If you stay invisible,
We can make a fortune!

We'll bowl all over the
country, win every match!

We'll clean up, Barney!
We'll be millionaires!

Fred, isn't that crooked?

Crooked?
Yeah, I guess so.

I knew there must be
something wrong

with a perfect
setup like that.

I better see that doctor.

Maybe he can make
me visible again.

I don't know what can he do
that I can't.

I better go with you
and explain things to him.

Well, here we are, Barney.

Now, remember,
Let me do the talking.

Ok, Fred.

(knock on door)

Come in.

Is the doctor in?
My name is Fred Flintstone.

Oh, yeah. Dr. Quartz is
expecting you, Mr. Flintstone.

But I'm not the patient.
It's my friend here.

Your, uh...
Your friend there?

Yeah. He has a problem.

Yeah, I'm sure he has.

Come on, Barney,
the doctor will fix you up.

Right, Fred.

Maybe on my day off,

I ought to go see a doctor.

Ah, yes, Mr. Flintstone.

I've been expecting you.

Now, uh... what's
your problem?

Oh, I ain't got a problem.

It's my friend here
I come to see you about.

Your friend?
Oh, what's his trouble?

He's invisible.

Invis...
Oh, I noticed that.

There's a lot of it
going around these days.

It's a regular epidemic.

(bell rings)
You can't be too careful.

Good work, Charlie!

Hey! What's going on here!

Keep the patient in isolation!

I'll check on him later.

Put me down!
Stop it!

What do you think
You're doing?

Let me go!
I'm not the patient!

"Invisible friend."
That is a new one.

But I am invisible, doc.
You have to help me.

Who said that?

I did... Barney Rubble.

- Bubble?
- No, no! Rubble.

Oh, yes! Oh, Rubble!
Your wife called...

and said you had the hiccups.

Oh, they're cured, but the cure
made me invisible.

Oh! Well, You'd be better off
with the hiccups.

Hey, Charlie, bring the
Flintstone fellow back.

It's all a mistake.

Now, let me see...
Invisible.

Oh. Oh, yes.

This stuff ought
to make you solid again.

At least it worked
in the horror movie

I saw on TV last night.

You mean the one
where the guy

turned into a sabertooth
tiger every night?

That's the one.

And then the detective makes himself
invisible to catch the tiger man.

Wasn't that great?

Aw, come on, you guys!
Knock it off

and do something
about my condition!

Oh, yes! Are you still here?

Oh, here,
Mr. Bubble.

Drink it all down.

Ooh, phooey!

He's still invisible, doc.

Yeah. Now,
That's funny.

There's nothing
funny about it.

I'm going home.

Home? Wait a minute, Barney!
Come back!

Well, I don't understand it.

It worked so good
on the late, late show.

Hey, Barney, hold it!

Wait for me!
Don't go home yet!

Betty and Wilma will crown me

If they found out
I made you invisible!

Hold it, Barney!

Hold it!

(siren)

Ok, cowboy.
Pull over.

What are you,

Some kind of a
show-off or something?

No. No, officer.

The car sort of Got away from me.
Ha ha ha!

Hee hee! Oh, boy.
This is my chance

to get even with Fred.

You middle-aged teen-agers

Ought to have
your licenses revoked.

Aw, just give me
the ticket and shut up.

What?

Uh... nothing,
Officer!

I didn't say nothing.

One more crack like that,
and I'll run you in!

Yes, sir.

Ha ha ha!

Boy, you and your
sense of humor.

I ought to make you
pay for that ticket.

That's not the problem.

What's Betty gonna say
when she sees me?

I mean, doesn't see me.

What can she say?

She took you for
better or for worse.

But not this worse.

Barney!
I can see you!

You're getting uninvisible!

You wouldn't kid me,
would you, Fred?

Of course not.

I can see all of you,
except your head.

Barney, you made it!

Looks like that stuff I gave
you wears off in a little while.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

Yabba-dabba-
Doo-doo-doo!

Yoo-hoo, Wilma!
Barney's been gone for hours.

Has Fred come back
from the doctor's yet?

No, but they should
be back any minute.

(tweet tweet)

There. My wash is all hung.

I just hope it doesn't rain.

Honestly, Wilma,
I think that's wonderful.

How did Fred ever
train those birds?

It was easy. They like sitting
on the clothesline,

Only I'm afraid someday

My whole wash will fly south
for the winter.

Wilma, do you suppose
it would be all right

to see some of Fred's
other inventions?

Sure. Come on over.

And this is
The "last-forever" umbrella.

It will last forever Because
it's made of stone.

Stone? Well,
who could lift it?

Nobody.
That's why it flopped.

Now over here, we have
his latest invention...

A new soft drink

That Fred says will put cactus
cooler people out of business.

Let's sample it.

Mmm, I don't know.

Let's see what
It smells like first.

(sniff)

Ugh!

- Isn't that awful?
- I'll say.

Well, One thing for sure...
The cactus cooler people

have nothing to worry about.

Right. Hee hee!

You know, Betty, I think
Fred's been working too hard

on these inventions.

He's been acting
so peculiar all day.

I asked the doctor
to check him over...

when he got
into the office.

I thought
you sent him there...

to see how barney
was coming along.

That was just an excuse.

It was Fred I was
worried about.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

Doodly-doo-
Doo-doo-doo!

Look, Wilma,
here come the boys.

I wonder how they made out
at the doctor?

Hi, Betty.
Look, no more hiccups.

and no more inventions.

I'm off of that
soft-drink kick, Wilma.

I'm gonna go
in the garage

and dump all that stuff.

If you see Dino,
send him in, Fred.

Something scared him,

and he's been hiding
in the garage all afternoon.

Huh? Garage?
Dino?

Oh, no!

Dino! Here, boy!
Where are you, Dino?

Here, boy!

(arr arr arr)

Oof!

No, Dino! No, stop!

Down, boy!
Down! Stop it!

Do you hear me?
Stop it!

Barney,
what's going on?

Hee hee hee!

Let's sit down,
Ladies.

It's a long story!

Hee hee hee!

No, Dino!
No, that tickles!

Ha ha ha!

Dino, no! Heel, boy!

(arr arr arr)

Down, Dino! Ha ha ha!
Down, down!

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones
They're the modern Stone Age Family

From the town of Bedrock
They're a page right out of history

Someday maybe Fred will win the fight
Then the cat will stay out for the night

When you're with the Flintstones
Have a yabba-dabba-doo time

A dabba-doo time
We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time

Wilma!