The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 3, Episode 14 - Dial S for Suspicion - full transcript

Fred, honey,

Now that you'll
be making more money,

There's something
I want to discuss with you.

What is it, my dear?
Mink? Diamonds?

Anything at all.
Ha ha ha!

Life insurance.

Life insurance?

Why,
all of a sudden,

Do you want
to be insured?

Not me. You.

Me?



[Banging]

Barney, will you
cut that out?

Look what you're
doing to the table!

Oh, sorry, Fred.

I was just trying
to open this here coconut.

Well, you don't have
to ruin my table.

Use your head,
will you?

Oh, all right.

Hey! What do you know?
You was right, Fred.

Oh, boy!

[Squawk]

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Flintstones,
meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family



From the town of bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy

Of Fred's two feet

When you're with
the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo
time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

Hello, Flintstones!
Hello, there!

Come in, Barney.

Fred's in the shower.

I'll tell him
you're here.

Fred! Barney's here.

La la la la la
la la

Fred!
Did you hear me, Fred?

Hurry or
you'll be late for work.

Ok. Ok, honey.
Just got to rinse off.

How about
a little hot water, please?

I said more hot water!

Let's heat it up,
mac.

Ok, now a little cold water
to finish up with.

Oh, for pete's sake.

Brr! What's with that guy?

Yeah,
I know it's tough, pal,

But when you advertise
hot-And-Cold running water,

That's what
you gotta give them.

Ok, Barney,
let's go.

Bye-Bye,
Wilma, honey.

Come on, Barney.

Uhh! Oof!

The door's stuck, Fred.
Give me a hand.

Ok, barn. When I count
three, heave.

One, two, three, heave!

That did it, Barney.

I'll back the car out.
And you can get in.

Hop in, pal.

Hey, wh-What happened,
Fred?

Oh, quit the clowning,
Barney.

Can't you get into the car
like anybody else?

I got some news
for you, Barney.

I may be getting
another and better job.

No fooling? Where?

I answered this ad
in the paper.

Let's see--

"Salary 450 per month
plus meals."

And you applied
for this job?

Uh-Huh. And I should be
getting an answer

Any day now.

Sounds like some job,
huh, barn?

It sure does, Fred,
but, uh...

uh, what?

You ain't
a college graduate.

So who has to know?

If they want to see
my diploma,

I'll tell them
was lost in a fire.

Oh, sure, and if they want
to hear your spanish,

You'll tell them your accent
was lost in a fire, too.

It so happens,
I qualify perfectly

For the most important
part of that ad.

Oh, you mean the meals?

Very funny.

I mean
the executive type.

[Sniffing]

Say, that smells
mighty good, Wilma.

It's Fred's favorite,
Betty--

Seaweed fricassee.

I got the recipe
from his mother.

[Grr rrr]

What's the matter
with Dino?

He hears something.

From the way
he's acting,

I'd say it was
his natural enemy--

The mailman.

[Rrr rrr]

[Arr arr arr arr]

Dino! Come back here!
Dino!

[Arr arr arr]

Dino, bad!

Really, mrs. Flintstone,

I wish you'd do something
about that animal.

I'm sorry,
mr. Featherspine.

I'll just have to
keep him tied up.

Here's a letter for you.

Thank you.

It won't happen again,
mr. Featherspine,

I promise.

"It won't happen again.
It won't happen again."

Promises, promises,
promises.

A letter for Fred.
I wonder what it is.

Looks like
it might be important.

Yes. Hmm.

Darn these thick envelopes.

Yeah.

How do they expect
people to read

other people's mail
through them?

Now, betty, I'm not trying
to read Fred's mail.

I'm just--

Course, you, uh...
you could steam it open.

Oh, no, no, no.
I wouldn't do that.

If I would do it,
how would I do it?

Why ask me?
I've never done it.

But I do know you hold
the envelope over steam.

Steam?

Like the steam from a pot
of seaweed fricassee?

Exactly!

I think
I can open it now.

Oh, betty, there's a letter
opener on that desk set.

Would you
hand it to me, please?

Here you are, Wilma.

There.

Somebody ought to
wise this dame up.

Tampering with the mails
is a federal offense.

"Dear mr. Flintstone:"

"I am looking forward..."

Betty, Fred's gotten himself
a job at stone valley inn!

Stone Valley?

Isn't that the ritzy
resort in the mountains

Where you can swim
and ski in the same day?

That's the place.

A girl I know
who went there

Got sunburned in the morning,
frostbitten at night,

And ended up with
third-Degree chilblains.

There. All sealed up.

Fred will never know
it's been opened.

The letter's signed
by conrad hailstone,

The owner
of stone valley inn,

And he wants to see me
at my earliest convenience.

Go tomorrow.
It's saturday.

Yeah. I'll get Barney
to drive up with me.

Oh, boy, oh, boy!

Wilma, this job's really
going to be something.

450 bucks a month
and meals.

Hey. What's this?

Seaweed?

Ha ha!

How do you suppose
that got in there?

I know
how it got there.

You do?

Sure.
As an added inducement,

Mr. Hailstone
enclosed a sample

Of the food
I'll be getting.

Mmm! Seaweed fricassee,

And just like my mother
used to make.

I guess
you're pretty excited,

Wondering what the new job
will be, huh, Fred?

Yeah, yeah. The ad said
"high position."

That could mean anything
from manager up.

The ad also said they
wanted college graduate

Who could speak spanish.

Oh, stop worrying.

I'll just say,
sigh, senorita,

Andhasty banana.

That's spanish?

Well, Flintstone,
I think you'll do.

Of course, there's the matter
of a physical examination.

Physical examination?

Yes. We have
a company doctor

Who takes care of it
free of charge.

Just a formality really.
Don't worry about it.

Oh, I ain't worried.

Why, from my toes
to my head,

I'm solid as a rock.

Yes. You'll like it here
at Stone Valley, Flintstone.

As all my employees say,

"When you work
for Conrad Hailstone,

You work for the best."

Well! Your employees
say that, huh?

If they want to
get paid, they do.

Fred, would you like to
join me in a coconut,

If I can ever figure out
how to open it?

All right.

Let's say I save
40 a month on meals.

That's uh...oh, wait,
that should be a 4.

Awk! Ouch! Doggone it!

I don't see why
I should have to suffer

For his mistakes.

Fred, honey,

Now that you'll
be making more money,

There's something
I want to discuss with you.

What is it, my dear?
Mink? Diamonds?

Anything at all.
Ha ha ha!

Life insurance.

Life insurance?

Why,
all of a sudden,

Do you want
to be insured?

Not me. You.

Me?

[Banging]

Barney, will you
cut that out?

Look what you're
doing to the table!

Oh, sorry, Fred.

I was just trying
to open this here coconut.

Well, you don't have
to ruin my table.

Use your head,
will you?

Oh, all right.

Hey! What do you know?
You was right, Fred.

Oh, boy!

Fred, never mind Barney.

We were talking
about insurance.

I haven't mentioned it

Because I felt
we couldn't afford it.

But now things are
gonna be different.

Honey, money ain't
gonna change me.

I'm gonna be the same
sweet, loveable--

Fred!

Look, Fred,
I know it's not

A pleasant thing
to talk about,

But a wife should have
protection in case...

well, in case something
happens to her husband.

How about it, Fred?

Will you take out
some insurance?

Ok, honey,
I'll do it,

Maybe tomorrow.

Good. Here's the policy.
Read it over, then sign it.

Hey, Wilma's really sold
on that insurance bit.

Yeah, but she's right,
Barney.

She deserves protection.

Hey, this policy
is for 20,000 bucks.

20,000?

And there's a double
indemnity clause.

If I go accidentally,

She gets 40,000.

Wowee!

Oh, I can see where
you'll be worth

A lot more to Wilma
dead than alive.

Yeah.

All I have to do
is kick off,

And she's a rich woman.

Hey! What are
we laughing at?

What? Uh,
oh, I don't know.

I guess we're happy
at the thought of Wilma

Finally getting all the things
she's wanted out of life.

Oh, cut it out.

Come on. Let's play
some gin rummy.

Good idea, Fred--

Get our minds off
these silly thoughts, huh?

Where are
the cards?

Hmm.

That's Wilma's book.
Don't lose her place.

Here are the cards.

I'll deal.
You keep score.

Oh, me! Why can't
he keep score in his head?

Hey, Fred, this is
an exciting book.

Listen.

"Don't worry about my husband,
rodney dearest, said felicia.

"Tomorrow, he will have
a fatal accident,

"And I will collect
the insurance.

"Goody, said rodney,
her handsome young lover.

And then we can be married."

Oh, boy, Fred, that's
real romantic stuff, huh?

Yeah. Put the book down,
Barney, and let's--

Let me see that book!

Barney, this is
all about a woman

Who gets
her husband insured

And then bumps him off.

So?

Oh, I see
what you're thinking.

Oh, for shame,
Fred Flintstone,

For shame.

Yeah. Yeah,
you're right, Barney.

I'm ashamed of myself.

Wilma getting me
to take out insurance

And reading this book
is just a coincidence.

Oh, exactly. Don't ever
get any ideas about Wilma.

Oh, she's true-Blue.

You said it.

Did you sign
the policy yet, Fred?

No, no.
What's the rush?

No rush, only there's
no sense putting it off.

Yeah, yeah, I guess
you're right.

I'll sign it now.

You'll be sorry!

There you are,
sweetheart.

Thanks, Fred.

I certainly hope
I never need it,

But you never know.

Insurance can be
a wife's best friend.

Hmm.

What's with the hmm?

Oh, I was just thinking
about what Wilma said--

"Insurance can be
a wife's best friend."

So?

So 40,000 bucks
could be the start

Of a beautiful friendship.

Will you cut that out?

Hmm...I'll have
to get Fred

To fix this loose handle.

Oops!

Feel better now, Fred?

Yeah, Barney, I'll never
suspect Wilma again.

Ohh!

Fred?
Oh, my goodness! Fred!

It's all right, Wilma.
He just fainted.

Oh, Fred, I'm so glad
you weren't hurt.

Yeah, well,
accidents will happen.

It was an accident,
wasn't it, Wilma?

Now, that's
a stupid question.

I'm sorry, Wilma.

I lost my head.

Yeah, you almost did,
at that.

Well, as long
as you're all right, Fred,

I'll finish
getting dinner.

Barney, she did it
on purpose.

Aw, come on now, Fred.

You know
it was an accident.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess so.

Sure. Wilma's no dope.

If she wanted
to get rid of you,

She wouldn't throw
a cleaver at you.

She'd do something safe

Like putting bug spray
in your soup.

Wilma: come on, Fred!
Your soup's ready!

You're really enjoying
that book, huh, Wilma?

Oh, yes.
It's about a woman

Who tries to get rid of her
husband for his insurance.

Yeah? How does she
go about it?

Oh, a number of ways.

Right now,
I'm up to the part

Where she puts
a pillow over his head.

P-P-Pillow
over his head?

Look, honey, that's
not the kind of stuff

You should be reading.

Why don't you turn out
the light and go to sleep?

No. I want
to read awhile.

You go to sleep, Fred.

I don't think I can sleep.

Sure you can.

I'll bet
in two minutes,

You're
dead to the world.

[Moaning]

Pillow...

pillow over his head...

pillow.

Fred?

Hmm. He knocked
the pillow on the floor.

Pillow...

pillow.

Yikes!

[Crash]

I wish I knew
what's wrong with Fred.

Last night, he had
a terrible nightmare,

Ran right through
the bedroom wall,

And didn't come back
till early this morning.

Oh, my goodness.

Maybe it's the excitement
over his new job.

I hope that's all it is.

[Circus music playing]

Hmm, sounds like
the circus is in town.

Look! It's a parade.

Wilma: why, there's
rodney whetstone--

The one juggling
the knives.

You know him?

He's an old boyfriend
of mine.

I didn't know he was
with the circus.

Rodney!
Yoo-Hoo, rodney!

Over here, rodney!

Wilma?

Wilma pebble!

[Wheezing laugh]

Long time no see,
Wilma.

Hello, rodney.

Betty, this is
rodney whetstone.

Rodney,
meet betty rubble.

Hello.

Pleased to meet you.

Rodney, what are you doing
with the circus?

I do
a knife-Throwing act.

Wilma pebble,
it's been years,

And you're still as
beautiful as ever.

Oh, rodney.

And I'm not Wilma pebble
anymore.

Now I'm
mrs. Fred Flintstone.

Well, I knew
some lucky guy

Would get you, Wilma.

Where is he?

I'll carve my initials
in him.

You know, betty,
she broke my heart

When she turned me down.

Oh, cut it out, rodney.

I see you haven't changed
a bit.

Look,
I have to go now,

But here are
some passes.

Bring your husbands
to the circus tonight.

I'd like
to meet Fred.

Oh, fine.
Thank you, Rodney.

Ok, Wilma.
See you tonight.

Good-Bye!

I still think you're worrying
over nothing, Fred.

Your move.

Nothing? My own wife
slings a cleaver at me,

Tries to do me in
with a pillow,

And you call that
nothing?

What does he use
to jump with,

A pogo stick?

No, sir, Barney,

I can't help being
suspicious of Wilma.

That's
your privilege, Fred,

But I think Wilma is still
the sweet, lovable wife

She always was,

And it's gonna take more
than a few attempts on your life

To make me think otherwise.

Wilma:
Fred! Barney! Look!

Tickets to the circus
tonight.

Where did you
get them, Wilma?

A friend of mine who's with
the circus gave them to me.

He's a knife-Thrower,
one of Wilma's old boyfriends.

- Oh, Betty.
- Well, he is.

Who is this guy,
anyway?

Oh, you never
knew him, Fred.

His name's
Rodney Whetstone.

Rodney...Rodney...

where have I heard
that name before?

Barney: in the book
Wilma's reading.

It's name of the guy
that helps the wife

Kill her husband.

Oh, yeah--
Rodney.

He's anxious
to meet you, Fred.

That's one reason
we're going to the circus.

Wilma, tell Fred
what Rodney said.

"Where is he?

I'll carve my initials
in him."

Come on, Betty.
Let's go in the kitchen.

Barney, now she's got
a knife-Thrower

To do her dirty work.

Ringmaster:
ladies and gentlemen,

Barnacle & Shaley circus
now brings you

Rodney the great!

Say, Wilma,
that Rodney's all right.

He's wonderful.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

I'd like a volunteer
from the audience

To be my target.

Somebody
brave and trusting,

Preferably somebody
with paid-Up life insurance.

[Wheezing laugh]

Who will it be, huh?

Fred, you go.

What? Me?

Sure. After he was
nice enough

To give us the tickets,

It's the least
you can do.

Here's a volunteer,
rodney!

Wilma, are you
out of your mind?

I'm not letting anybody
throw knives at me.

Especially anybody
named rodney, huh, Fred?

Oh, Fred, don't be
such a sissy.

Right here, rodney.

Here's
your volunteer.

Rodney,
my husband Fred.

Your husband.

Well, this is
a pleasure.

No! No! No!

Fred, you're
embarrassing me.

Go on.

Help! Barney,
do something!

Don't worry, Fred.
I will.

If he sticks you with a knife,
boy, will I boo him.

Not so tight!

Oh, no!

Ladies and gentlemen,

For the first time,
10 knives at one time.

Yeow!

[Applause]

No, no, no!
Please! Please!

And besides, I use
a cigarette holder.

Rodney's just marvelous.

Yeah. There's a picture
of him outside

Doing that trick blindfolded.

I wonder
if he really does it.

I'll ask him.

Rodney, let's see you do
that trick blindfolded.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I've had a request
from a dear friend of mine

To repeat that last trick
blindfolded!

Would you like
to see me try?

Man:
yeah! Sure!

Second man:
go ahead!

Hey, wait a minute!

Don't I get a say
in this?

Now, I haven't
practiced this one lately,

So if I miss...
[wheezing laugh]

Hope you'll excuse it.

Man:
don't worry, Rodney!

If you miss,
just try again!

[Laughter]

Well, here goes.

Oh, boy.
This is where I get it.

Wilma's finally found a way
to collect the insurance.

Well, I ain't
standin' still for this.

Geronimo!

Barney, last night
at the circus

Was the clincher.

Wilma wants
the insurance money,

And she don't care
how she gets it,

And I know
how to outfox her.

How?

Before she went out,

She told me
a doctor's coming

To give me
a physical examination.

Well, I did
some checking,

And I found out
the policy isn't in force

Until I pass
the physical.

That's my way out.

I'm not gonna pass
the examination.

That way, Wilma can't
expect any money.

Come on, Barney,

Here's what we'll do
when the doctor gets here.

I give you a...

Get set, Fred.
Here comes the doctor.

Come in.

Uh, mr. Flintstone?

I'm dr. Pillbound.

I've come to examine you
for my company.

Oh, yes...

[coughing]

But it's just
a waste of time, doc.

I couldn't be
in better shape.

Ooh!

Mr. Flintstone,
you still alive?

Oh, it's amazing
how he hangs on.

Doctor...

[coughing]

Pillbound,
this is my nurse.

Uh, nurse?

Why do you need a nurse,
mr. Flintstone?

What is wrong with you?

Oh, nothing.
Nothing at all.

I feel fine.

[Coughing]

Fine.

It's time for your pills,
mr. Flintstone.

What are
those pills for?

What difference
does it make?

He's got everything.

Oh, no man
can be that sick.

I'll have to
see for myself.

[Ticking]

I have never
heard anything

Like that before.

Let me feel your pulse.

There's no pulse!

I don't feel
any pulse at all!

That's funny,
it was there yesterday...

or was it
the day before?

I'm afraid I'll have
to report you

As a bad risk,
mr. Flintstone.

I'm sorry.

[Door closes]

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

I've flunked the medical.

Yeah, Fred, you
sure fooled that doctor.

"I've never
heard anything

Like that before."

Yeah! I better do something
about that ticker of mine.

Look, Barney!

My ticker's set
to wake me up at 7:30.

And I thought
I'd keel over

When he said he didn't
feel any pulse.

Yeah!

When I bring this back
to sam the tailor,

I'm gonna say,
"thanks for the loan

Of the dummy hand, sam.
It saved my life."

[Knocking on door]

Who is it?

Dr. Pillbound.

[Coughing]

Come in.

Forgot my stethoscope.

Can't be a doctor
without a stethoscope.

Yes, you're gonna need that
for the next person

You examine
for the insurance company.

Insurance company?

I don't work
for an insurance company.

No? Then who did you
examine me for?

Why, for Conrad Hailstone,
of course,

For the job
at Stone Valley inn.

- Yeah, but, doctor--
- Which, naturally,

You are in no condition
to take.

- Doctor?
- Good day.

[Door closes]

Oh, Barney,
now I am sick.

Pill time!

You mean,
you actually thought

I wanted to
collect the insurance?

Thanks a lot, Fred.

That's the nicest compliment
I've had today.

I'm--I'm sorry, Wilma,

But you got to admit

Suspicious things
happened,

Amd with you
reading that book...

oh, fred!

Well,
what would you think

If I started reading
about bluebeard,

And accidents started
happening to you?

You know something, Fred?

You've been watching those
horror programs too much.

It's making you
soft in the head.

Yeah, I guess
you're right, Wilma.

Well,
I'll tell you what.

No tv tonight.

Instead, if you'll
forgive me, sweetheart,

Fred Flintstone
will give

A live performance,
smooching with his wife.

[Smooching]

Now that's the kind
of program I like.

And you know what,
honey?

The repeats are better
than the first run.

Fred!

Yabba...dabba...doo.

Ha ha ha ha!

Flintstones,
meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Someday, maybe fred

Will win the fight

Then that cat will stay out

For the night

When you're

With the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time

Wilma!