The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 9 - The Little White Lie - full transcript

Follow that wheelchair.

I know it
wouldn't work, Fred.

Uh, why don't
you just give up?

And let Wilma catch me
in a lie? Nothin' doin'.

[blowing whistle]

[whirring]

[blowing whistle]

They're catchin'
up to us, Fred.

Uh, it's no use.
Let's give up.

Not on your life, Barney.

'We'll beat 'em home,
take that costume off'



'and deny everything.'

thud

[theme music]

[blowing whistle]

[siren wailing]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[crashing]

muah

Ah, that was
some dinner, honey.

Like I always say,
nobody but nobody

can make dinosauerbraten
the way you do.

Oh, I'm glad
you enjoyed it, dear.



By the way,
got any plans for tonight?

No, why?

'I thought
we might go to a movie.'

They're showing Swiss Family
Rubberstone with James Slagney

at the Bedrock Theater.

No, I don't wanna go out
tonight, honey. I'm too tired.

I'm just gonna relax in my
easy chair and watch television.

Oh, Fred.

Whenever I wanna
go some place

you're always too tired.

If it was something you wanted
to see, you'd go fast enough.

Not tonight, I wouldn't.
I tell you I'm bushed.

I'm gonna
watch TV for a while.

Then I'm gonna hit
the sack nice and early.

[knock on door]

Come in.

- 'Hey, Fred.'
- Oh, hello, Barney.

Can I perhaps have
a word with you in private?

If it'll make you
happy, my friend. Shoot.

Wanna play a little
poker tonight, Fred?

There's gonna be a game
at Sam Quartz' house.

No, no, I don't think so.
I'm kinda tired tonight, Barney.

That's too bad, Fred.
The whole gang will be there.

Even, uh,
Stanley Stonebruise.

That pigeon?
Oh, boy.

If there's one guy
I can always beat at poker

it's Stanley Stonebruise.

[laughing]

I'll tell Wilma we're goin'.
Ha ha ha.

Uh-oh.

(Barney)
'What's the matter, Fred?'

Wilma wanted me
to take her to the movies.

I said nothing could
get me out of the house tonight.

So?

How will I tell her
I'm goin' to play poker?

Hm. As the saying goes

"This is a pretty kettle
of doughnuts."

Doughnuts? That's fish.
"A pretty kettle of fish."

Yeah, but I don't
like fish, Fred.

Oh, boy, you're
a big help. You are.

Well, I gotta tell her
so I might as well

get it over with.

Wilma.

Oh, Wilma.

Well, what is it?

Oh, hello, Barney.

'Hi, Wilma.'

What did you want, Fred?

I want uh..

...honey, um,
I have to go out.

(Wilma)
'Out? What for?'

Well, Barney has just
brought me some terrible news.

- Didn't you, Barney?
- Me?

Oh, uh, you mean
about the not likin' fish?

No, no.

I mean about
Stanley Stonebruise.

Honey, Stanley
is very sick.

And he's callin' for me.

- 'I gotta rush to his side.'
- What's the matter with him?

'Uh, nobody knows.'

'He's got three doctors
workin' night and day'

'trying to find out.'

They give him shots and pills

transfusions but nothing works.

Poor Stanley. He just lies there
getting weaker and weaker.

And he keeps calling for me.

(Wilma)
'But what can you do?'

Honey, I can hold his hand
or let him hold my hand.

Sure. There's bound to be
a lot of hand holding tonight.

Kepp quiet, you lunkhead.

So, I gotta go, Wilma honey.

'Tired as I am, I gotta drag
my weary bones out of the house'

'and stay with Stanley.'

I can just hear him now,
lyin' there and callin'

"Fred. Fred,
where are you? Fred?

"Come to me, Fred.

'Where are you, pal?"

Gee, the poor guy.
Hey, maybe you shouldn't go.

Maybe whatever
he's got is contagious.

Be quiet.

No, no. In a case like this,
I can't think of myself.

I must think
of Stanley who needs me.

Come, Barney. Let us be
on our errand of mercy.

'Before it's too late.'

Wait.
Barney, is this true?

Is this Stanley person
really so sick?

Well, uh, all I can say is
I wouldn't be surprised

if tonight
he cashed in his chips.

Goodnight, Wilma.

Don't wait up for me.

How about that, Fred?

Six pots in a row.

Hey, Stanley's
doing pretty good

for a sick man, huh, Fred?

Oh, he's just lucky.
Wait until the next hand.

[accordion music]

I call you, Stanley.
What have you got?

Uh, three sixes any good?

Ha ha. Three nines.

I beat you again, Stanley.

'Come on, you guys.
How about a little action.'

I've had it, pal.
You cleaned me out.

Besides, it's
getting late, Fred.

How about you, Stanley?
Wanna play some more?

No, I guess not.

You're too hot for me.

Okay, I'll just count my chips
and see how much I won.

[laughing]

You were
sure lucky tonight, Fred.

Imagine,
winning 200 clams.

Hot-diggidy-dog!

Not lucky, Barney boy.
Skillful.

There's no such thing
as luck.

By the way,
how did you make out?

- 'I lost three and a quarter.'
- Aw, that's too bad.

You and Sam
were the only winners.

He won about four dollars.

He did, huh?

Well, it's too bad he won your
three bucks and not me, Barney.

If I had won it,
I'd give it back to you.

'Hey, Fred, I hate
to spoil your good mood--'

Nothin' could spoil my
good mood, Barney, my lad.

- What is it?
- Uh..

How you gonna explain
that 200 bucks to Wilma?

Well, easy.
I'll just tell her I-I..

Why did you have to bring that
up? You spoiled my good mood.

Sorry, Fred.
Forget I mentioned it.

How can I forget it?

Wilma thinks I've
been visitin' a sick friend.

How am I gonna account
for the money?

Well, uh,
you could tell her, uh..

You could tell her
you found it.

That's it, I found it.

Yeah, I happen to look down and
it was lying in the street.

That sounds alright,
don't it?

- It could happen.
- Sure, it could.

But to make
it sound better

let me have
your wallet, Barney.

What for?
There's nothin' in it.

Besides, it's, uh,
just about all worn out.

That's even better.
Let me have it.

'Okay. Here.'

It'll sound better to say
the money was in a wallet

instead of just lying
on the ground loose.

- You get it.
- 'Yeah.'

You gotta think. You gotta think
of all the angles, Barney.

I think honesty
is the best policy.

Just tell her the truth, Fred.

Are you kidding?

Why tell your wife the truth
when you don't have to?

Anyway, it's just
a little white lie.

And what harm is there in
tellin' a little white lie?

[humming]

(Fred)
'Wilma, oh, Wilma.'

I'm glad you're
still up, honey.

Guess what happened
on my way home.

You found a wallet
with a fortune in it?

I found a wallet with a..
How did you know?

- Know what, Fred?
- 'About the wallet.'

You know
somethin', Barney.

That ain't no wedding ring
we give our wives

when we get married.
It's a radar set.

Once they put it on,
they can tell where we go

what we're doin',
even what we're thinkin'.

What are you
talking about, Fred?

You mean you did
find some money?

Did I? Just cast
your lovely peepers

on this 200 smackeroos money.

Two hundred lovely, beautiful,
gorgeous smackeroos.

Yeah, Fred
was lucky tonight.

I mean skillful.

Well, that's fantastic.
How did you happen to find it?

I was walkin' along,
I looked down

and there it was.

$200.

That's a fortune, Fred.

And there was no
identification in the wallet?

None at all.

That's what makes me
feel so bad.

There's absolutely no way
of finding out who lost it.

- Oh, yes, there is, Fred.
- Huh? How?

We'll put an ad in the paper.
You know, wallet found.

- Owner can have by identifying.
- Barney's right, Fred.

But, but, but..

(Wilma)
'Tommorow morning,
I'll call Daisy Kilgranite.'

She works in the lost
and found department

of the Bedrock Chronicle.

'She'll tell me how
to place the ad.'

- But, but, but..
- 'I'm going to bed now.'

I'll keep this money under
my pillow for safekeeping.

- Goodnight, Barney.
- Goodnight, Wilma.

Goodnight, honey.

Duh, you nincompoop,
you chowderhead.

What's the idea
suggesting that ad?

I was only trying
to help, Fred.

After all, when somebody
really finds somethin'

they try finding
who lost it, don't they?

Yeah, yeah, if you don't
keep your fatmouth shut

you're gonna lose
a couple of teeth.

Hello.

Bedrock Chronicle?

Will you please connect me
with Daisy Kilgranite?

Thank you.

Extra by Daisy Kilgranite.

Friends and relatives
of Mrs. Charsie Birthstone

'will be happy to hear
she is suing this reporter.'

[phone ringing]

'Daisy Kilgranite speaking.
What's news?'

(Wilma on phone)
'Hello, Daisy.
This is Wilma Flintstone.'

Wilma, how are you, dear?

'Just fine. I'd like to put
an ad in your paper.'

Sure, go ahead.

Your husband found a wallet.

I see.

Well, is this the kind
of wallet worn above the waist?

Is it bigger than a breadbox?

I see.

Just a plain, old wallet.

'Okay, Wilma,
I'll see that your ad'

'gets into
the afternoon edition.'

- 'Goodbye.'
- Goodbye, Daisy. And thanks.

Here it is, Barney.

"Found man's wallet
containing large sum of money.

Call Bedrock 313."

Doesn't say
very much. Does it, Fred?

If you ask me,
it says too much.

'Wilma didn't have to say
large sum of money.'

- 'That's a dead giveaway.'
- Well, I don't see how, Fred.

The word large doesn't
necessarily mean, uh, $200.

'No, but it gives you
a good idea.'

'Say, say some crook
calls up to claim the wallet.'

He know it's
a large sum of money.

So he says, uh, $150.
Wilma says no.

So he calls up again
and in a different voice

he says 160 and 170.

'Three more calls
and he hits the jackpot.'

Uh, gee, I don't blame you
for being worried, Fred.

Anybody can claim that money.

Yeah.

And that's exactly what
somebody's gonna do.

Come on, Barney.
You're gonna be somebody.

- 'But, Fred, do I have to?'
- 'Come on, Barney, be a pal.'

(Barney)
'I can't, Fred. I just can't.'

Come back here,
you coward.

Our friendship
depends on it.

You want somebody else
to get the money?

No, but, uh, why
do I have to lie, Fred?

Why can't
I tell the truth?

What is this mania you got
for telling the truth?

You must have been weaned on
sodium pentothal or something.

Anyway, it's only
a little white lie.

What harm is there
with a little white lie?

Now, get in here.
Call up Wilma.

[phone ringing]

(Wilma)
'Hello.'

'Yes, this is Bedrock 313.'

You're calling
to claim the wallet?

Can you describe it?

Yes.

Yes, that's right.

$200 was in it.

Uh, well, it looks like
it's yours alright.

May I ask your name, madam?

My name, uh, uh..

Schimlestone.
Tilly Schimlestone.

Uh, Tilly Schimlestone
is my name.

And, uh, I sure am glad
someone honest found my money.

See, I'm a poor
old widow, you know.

It was every cent
I had in the world.

I'm very happy
for you, Mrs. Schimlestone.

Now, when do you want
to come over

and pick up your wallet?

Oh, no, no.
I can't do that.

Uh, 'cause I'm too sick.

I, uh, I broke
my leg...skiing.

I'm in a wheelchair, like.

'It's very painful, listen.'

[screaming]

Oh, you poor thing.

I'll bring the wallet over
to your house.

'No, you can't do that. '

Uh, I got no address.

Uh, and that money
I lost was for the rent.

And when I couldn't pay it,
the landlord kicked me out.

Tell her to mail it
care of general delivery.

Yeah, yeah. Why don't you
send it to the post office

care of general delivery?

Alright, Mrs. Schimlestone.

I'll have my husband
mail it tonight.

You'll get it
first thing in the morning.

Oh, bless you,
my child. Bless you.

Goodbye, dearie.

Ha ha ha.
It went perfect.

Just like I said. Now, we'll
rush home and Wilma will tell me

she found the
owner of the wallet.

Uh, then what, Fred?

Then she'll ask me to mail
it to Tilly Schimlestone

and that's it.
I got back my 200 bucks.

I've gotta hand it
to you, Fred.

You sure know
what you're doin'.

Ain't it the truth?

[laughing]

Oh, Wilma, I'm home.

Hello, Fred.

I've got good news for you.

The wallet has been claimed.

It has?

By who I wonder?

By a dear, sweet, old lady.

She asked me to mail
the wallet to her.

I'm glad we put
the ad in the paper.

It was all the money
the poor woman had in the world.

Well, uh, let's not keep
the old lady waiting.

You want me to rush out
and mail the wallet, right?

'Oh, that won't be
necessary, Fred.'

Wha-wha-what?

I was so anxious
for her to get it

I mailed it right
after she called.

thud

Fred, what was that?

Are you alright, Fred?

He's alright, Wilma.

A little overcome
with joy over the good news.

Come on, Fred.
Snap out of it.

Come on, boy.
Up on your feet, Fred.

Yeah, I had a bad time
there for a minute last night

but it's gonna
work out okay after all.

All I do is
pick up the package

with the wallet in it
at the post office.

What's so hard about that?

I don't know, Fred,
but, uh, it ain't workin' out

as easy as
you said it would.

Oh, stop worryin'.
You'll see.

Okay. Okay, Fred.

Here we are.

Now, you wait here, Barney.

I'll pick up the package
and be right out.

Okay, Fred.

Good morning,
my good clerk.

I, uh, believe
you have something

for Mrs. Tilly Schimlestone?

Schimlestone?
I'll see.

Hey, Mac.

Anything for Schimlestone?

(Mac)
'Yeah, there's
a package here.'

Okay, let's have it.

Here it is.

Mrs. Tilly Schimlestone,
care of general delivery.

That's it.

Allow me to congratulate
you, sir

on the excellency
of postal service.

Neither rain nor sleep
nor snow can--

Are you
Mrs. Tilly Schimlestone?

...can keep the hearty..

Who, uh, me? No.

Then I cannot
give you the package.

What do you mean
you can't give it?

'The law says I can only
deliver this to the addressee.'

'Mrs. Schimlestone will have
to call for it herself.'

But she can't, she's uh..

...a sick old lady
who broke her leg, skiing.

She's in a wheelchair.

Oh, that's tough, mister.

But the law is the law.

'Oh, yeah?
Well, I am a tax payer'

and I'm gonna demand
an investigation.

What kind of a shady operation
you running here, anyway?

How'd you make out, Fred?
You get the package?

No.

A slight complication
come up.

Complication?
What do we do now?

I don't know yet.
Let me think.

Well, you got
one thing anyway.

Yeah, what's that?

A ticket for
illegal parking in a red zone.

Ha ha ha.

[phone ringing]

'Daisy Kilgranite speaking.'

Oh, hello, Wilma.

Did you see your ad
in the paper?

Yes, and it got
immediate results.

Uh-huh. A poor old widow
lost the money.

A widow? In a wheelchair?

Evicted? Oh, my goodness.

She's going to pick it up this
morning at the post office?

Say, what a story
for my column.

Why don't you
meet me there, Wilma?

This could be
the story of the year.

Stop the presses.

Stop the presses.

Stop the presses.

'Stop the presses.'

Hold it, Josephine.

I don't know, Fred, uh,
I ain't so sure this will work.

Of course, it'll work.

Now, stop worryin' and start
acting like Mrs. Schimlestone.

Besides, can you think
of any other way

to get that package?

Oh, good morning,
young man.

Oh, good morning.

I've come for my package.

I'm Tilly Schimlestone.

'Oh, yeah, oh, sure.'

'You'll have to sign for it
first, Mrs. Schimlestone.'

Here you are.

'Oh, thank you.'

'Where should I sign?'

On the dotted line,
Mrs. Schimlestone.

Tilly Schim, uh, uh..

Hey, nephew, how
do you spell Schimlestone?

Schimlestone?

Let's see, uh,
s-c-h-m-o-s-i..

Shut up and sign it,
you lunkhead.

You trying to queer
this whole thing?

Oh, here you are, young man.

Thanks, lady,
and here's your package.

My pleasure.
See ya around, young man.

Nice, old lady,
that Mrs. Schimlestone.

Nice, old lady.

It worked, Fred.
It worked.

Ha ha ha.
Of course, it did.

With Fred Flintstone as
mastermind, anything will work.

Now, let's get outta here.

Wait, wait.
Hold it, Mrs. Schimlestone.

Just a moment, please.

'Oh, thank goodness
I got here in time.'

'Grab a shot, photographer.'

[clicking]

'Another one. Quick.'

Get that expression
of surprise on her face.

Hold it, hold it.

What do you think
you're doin?

Who are you?

- 'I'm his nephew.'
- His nephew?

(Fred)
'I mean his niece.
Uh, her-her nephew.'

Well, I'm Daisy Kilgranite
from the Bedrock Chronicle.

And we wanna get some pictures

of your poor aunt
recovering her money.

- Pictures?
- Pictures?

Uh, let's get out
of here, Fred.

Yeah. Sorry, lady.
No pictures.

- Fred, I lost my wig.
- It ain't all you gonna lose.

(Fred)
'Look who's coming
through the doorway.'

- Barney.
- Fred.

[screeching]

(Wilma)
'Fred Flintstone,
you come back here.'

Taxi, taxi.

Follow that wheelchair.

Gee, lady,
this is the first time

I ever followed
a wheelchair. Hop in.

I knew
it wouldn't work, Fred.

Why don't you
just give up?

And let Wilma catch me
in a lie? Nothin' doin'.

[blowing whistle]

[whirring]

[blowing whistle]

[whirring]

[blowing whistle]

Watch it, Fred.

There's a big
trailer truck ahead.

(Fred)
'Hold tight, Barney.'

[honking]

Faster, driver.
Don't let them get away.

Uh, don't worry, ma'am.
I won't lose 'em.

They're catchin'
up to us, Fred.

It's no use.
Let's give up.

Not on your life,
Barney.

'We'll beat 'em home,
take that costume off'

'and deny everything.'

thud

Gee, lady, they ran right
into the rock wall.

[tires screeching]

- 'Fred.'
- 'Barney.'

Say something, Fred.
Speak to me.

[laughing]

Beat you again, Stanley.

I got four queens.

Come on, Barney.
Snap out of it.

Hi, hi, hi, Betty,
uh, what's goin' on?

That's what I want you
to tell me when we get home.

Alright, Fred.

Start explaining.
Where did you find this wallet?

'Or didn't you?'

Well, uh,
not exactly.

Alright, Fred.

Where did the
money come from?

Uh, money?
What money?

That, uh, knock on the
head must have given me

amnesia or something.

(Wilma)
'Fred, I want the truth.
Who's money is it?'

Alright, you forced me out.
I'll tell the truth.

(Fred)
'It's uh..'

'...it's Barney's.'

Huh? What are you
sayin', Fred?

Where did you get $200, Barney?

Well, you'll have to
ask Fred.

He's the expert
on financial matters.

Well, uh,
he saved it up.

Penny by penny.

Walkin' to work
instead of takin' the bus.

Doin' odd jobs.

And you know why?

(Betty)
'Why?'

Yeah, why?

He was gonna
surprise you with it, Betty.

'Barney wanted to give you
that money for your birthday'

'so you could buy
anything you want.'

Oh, Barney, you angel.

Oh, you're the sweetest husband
a girl ever had.

There's still one thing
I don't understand.

Why were you keeping
the money, Fred?

Uh, so-so Betty wouldn't find it
and I had to tell you

I found it because, uh,
Barney made me promise

I wouldn't tell a soul
about him savin' it up see.

Oh, Fred, I'm sorry
I suspected anything.

- Will you forgive me?
- Ha ha ha.

Of course, sweetheart.

Barney, let's go home,
and I'll fix you a nice dinner

for being so sweet.

Oh, Barney, I'll take care
of that money for you.

Why? Why should you
take care of it?

Well, I've been
doin' it for so long.

- I'm sort of in the habit.
- Oh, don't be silly.

You keep it, Barney.
It's yours.

Gee, thanks, Wilma.
Ha ha ha.

Oh, boy. Two hundred bucks.

I've got a great idea.

Let's take that money
and blow ourselves

to a real good time tonight.

And we'll take
Wilma and Fred with us.

Hey, sounds like
a great idea to me, honey.

How about it,
Mr. and Mrs. Flintstone?

Would you care
to help us blow 200 bucks?

- I'd love it.
- But-but-but-but-but..

- But what, Fred?
- But-but-but, no.

Happy birthday, Betty.

[giggling]

Oh, silly.
It isn't my birthday yet.

So, what's
the difference?

Everybody havin'
a good time.

- I am.
- Me too.

How 'bout you, Fred?

[mumbling]

(Wilma)
'Fred, what are you doing?'

I'm adding up to see
what this evening

of merriment
and frivolity is costing.

I don't see
why it bothers you?

- It's Barney's money.
- Sure, Fred. Ha ha ha.

If it was your money,
I wouldn't worry about it.

Will you boys excuse us
for a moment?

We girls want to
freshen up a bit.

Of course, ladies.

And on the way,
ask the orchestra leader

to play "Stone Dust."
I'll tip him big.

[giggling]

Oh, I've never seen Barney
spend money so freely before.

For cryin' out loud, Barney.
Take it easy.

That's my money
you're spendin'.

I know, Fred,
but what can I do about it?

You want me to tell Wilma
you won it playing cards?

No, no, no, no.
Of course not.

You see,
my hands are tied.

Hey, waiter, uh,
more champagne.

Bring, uh,
another six bottles.

Six more bottles!
There goes the rest of my 200.

[groaning]

thud

Barney,
what's wrong with Fred?

I think the last six bottles
of champagne were too much.

Come on, Fred.
Snap out of it, boy.

Up on your feet. Up, boy.
Up, up, up, up, up.

[theme music]

[yawning]

Wilma?

[banging]

'Wilma!'

'Come on, Wilma.
Open the door.'

'Wilma.'