The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 8 - Flintstone of Prinstone - full transcript

[pleasant music]

(male #1)
'Hey, mister.
What's your name?'

'Da-uh, Fred Flintstone.'

- 'You're freshman?'
- 'Da-uh, I think so.'

(male #1)
'A freshman
doesn't think, mister.'

And your name isn't Flintstone,
it's Mr. Simple Soul.

- Got that?
- Mr. Simple Soul?

- I'm an upperclassman.
- Da-yes, sir.

From now on, Mr. Simple Soul,
carry a light, the time

and any upperclassman's books.

And bow in the presence
of an upperclassman.



- Yes, sir.
- 'What are you?'

A certified public
accountant major, sir.

'No, you're not.'

Now, repeat after me.

- I, sir, am a wiggly worm, sir.
- A-a wiggly worm, sir.

- A wiggly worm, sir.
- Wiggly worm, sir.

- It's the lowest lump of--
- Lowest lump of--

- In the ocean depth.
- In the ocean depth.

And nothing is lower
than a freshman

at Prinstone U.

Freshman at Prinstone U.

- Sir. And don't forget it.
- Sir. And don't forget it.

[theme music]

screech



[music continues]

screech

thud

bam

slam

[music continues]

(Fred)
'C-A-T, cat.
That's four points for me.'

(Arnold)
'Alright, I'll just take your
cat and add A-C-L-Y-S-M.'

(Fred)
'C-A-T-A-C..

Cataclys..'

'What kinda made-up
word is that?'

(Arnold)
'Cataclysm. A great disaster.'

- That gives me 79 points.
- That gives you a total--

Two hundred
and sixty three. I win.

And I better get back
on my newspaper route.

Just a minute, little wise guy

I just put
my last three letters here.

Zarf. That gives me 12 points.

Zarf?

Now, don't tell me you never
heard of the word zarf.

What's it mean?

'Well, it, uh, don't come up
in conversation too often, uh..'

Let's see, uh

I zarf, uh, you zarf, he zarfs--

(Arnold)
'I never heard of it.'

Boy, I don't know, if there's
anything I can't stand

it's a sore winner.

(Fred)
'Cancel my newspaper
subscription.'

Okay. You owe me $8.76.

Look, Arnold. How's about a game
of Russian roulette, hmm?

Hmm-hm.
Ha ha ha.

[humming]

Boy, this is hot work.
I'm gonna scram.

pew

thud

Did the paper boy
clobber you again?

That kid has no character.

I wouldn't be surprised
if he used loaded tiddles.

I thought this week
it was scrabble.

(Fred)
'It was, but he kept makin' up
words like..'

'...esoteric and polopony.'

Polopony?

Yeah, P-O-L-O-P-O-N-Y. Polopony.

That's polo-pony.

Well, whatever it is he made
me look like a horses neck.

And on top of that, he wouldn't
allow my word, zarf.

- Zarf?
- 'But it's in the dictionary.'

There's a lotta words you never
heard of in the dictionary

and I'll get it to show ya.

Okay, I'll glance at the paper.

'Find the dictionary, Fred?'

No, my old high school annual.

Remember her?

(Fred)
'Gina Lodabricks.'

'Boy, was she built.
Had every brick in place.'

- She used to get low marks.
- Yeah, 35, 25 and 35.

Here's a prediction.

"Gina will go to Hollyrock
and become a great actress."

'I've seen
her last three pictures.'

'I don't think
she's a great actress.'

Well, it's too late now.
She's already a star.

- Let's see who this is.
- 'Let me see, Fred.'

"Fredrick Twinkletoes
Flintstone."

"Our handsome football hero
will be one of the all time

'great college certified public
accounting stars."'

Fred! What happened?

- I lost a little ham.
- 'But, Fred--'

Oh, don't but Fred me. Think I'm
happy the way I turned out?

'You think I like
having a future'

'you can write
on a piece of confetti?'

Admit it, Wilma,
I'm a big fat failure.

(Wilma)
'You have been putting
on a little weight.'

Oh! Fred Flintstone, what
happened to your dreams?

What did happen
to your dreams, Fred?

What kept you from
goin' to college?

'Only one little thing.
I never got outta high school.'

Why not?

I'll tell ya why not. Because I
was young and strong and stupid.

I wanted fame.

So, instead of studying,
I went out for football.

Soon, I was the outstanding
player in the class of 41.

42, 43, 44 and 45.

Why didn't you graduate
with your class?

'I was out standing in the hall
when they were graduating.'

I got muscle bound
from football.

And now, look at me. Outsmarted
by a ten-year-old boy.

Arnold's only eight.

He couldn't get that sneaky
in eight years.

thud

What's this?

'Hey, listen.
"Is your career on the rocks?'

'"Are you a big fat failure?'

"Night school wants you.

"Prinstone University
throws wide its doors

"to over 400 big-fat-failures,
each year.

"Enroll this semester
at Prinstone University.

"Earn big money.

"Have people point at you

and whisper
the magic words P.U."

Wilma. I'll do it. I'll enroll.

How does it feel being
married to a school boy.

Oh, Fred doesn't start
until this evening.

He was up all last night
studying the different courses.

Creative psychology,
applied folk singing

abstract cave painting,
you know.

Aren't you jealous
of all those young coeds

he'll be sitting next to.

No, Fred'll be too busy
studying figures, etc.

Hmm, that's what
he'll be studying alright

and those etceteras
look great in sweaters.

Ha ha ha.

Fred interested in some skinny
young thing in a sweater?

Oh, ha ha ha.

Oh! On the other hand,
that's how I got him.

Betty, do you still have
that knit leopard skin

with the plunging
neck line?

So you going to college,
eh, Freddie boy?

I-I'm proud of ya.

It takes a smart man
to know when he's stupid.

Yeah.

Well, a little self improvement
wouldn't hurt you any, Rubble.

Hey, uh, did you tell the boss
you're goin' to night school?

No, but he'll see
the change in me.

(Fred)
'Wilma.'

Why, hello, darling.
I didn't hear you come in.

You're not burning the
stegosaurus again, are you?

'I like my stegosaurus rare.'

That smell happens
to be perfume.

Hmm, yeah. Nice.

- Sure clears the sinuses.
- Oh, boy!

'Oh, Wilma. Did you put my name
on all my school books?'

No. I put an X on them
so you could read it.

I put an X on them
so you could read it.

Droll. Very droll.

And what about
those ever-loving coeds

sitting next to you
in the tight sweaters?

'Are you outta
your stone-age mind?'

Whose interested in teenagers
except other teenagers?

I'm only goin' to night school
to get the college degree

I missed playin' football
in high school.

'I'm sorry.
You're right.'

Imagine, some pretty young thing
being interested in you.

- Ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha.

Me, ha, ha.
The world's oldest teenager.

- Ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha.

(male #1)
'Hey, mister.
What's your name?'

'Da-uh, Fred Flintstone.'

- 'You're freshman?'
- 'Da-uh, I-I think so.'

(male #1)
'A freshman doesn't
think, mister.'

And your name isn't Flintstone,
it's Mr. Simple Soul.

- Got that?
- Mr. Simple Soul?

- I'm an upperclassman.
- Da-yes, sir.

From now on, Mr. Simple Soul,
carry a light, the time

and any upperclassman's books.

And bow in the presence
of an upperclassman.

- Yes, sir.
- 'What are you?'

A certified public
accountant major, sir.

'No, you're not.'

Now, repeat after me.

- I, sir, am a wiggly worm, sir.
- A-a wiggly worm, sir.

- A wiggly worm, sir.
- Wiggly worm.

- It's the lowest lump--
- Lowest lump of--

- In the ocean depth.
- In the ocean depth.

And nothing is lower
than a freshman

at Prinstone U.

Freshman at Prinstone U.

- Sir. And don't forget it.
- Sir. And don't forget it.

Fred, ol' chum,
I've got to hand it to you.

(Rubble)
'You're the only guy I know
who can work all day'

go to school at night, and still
get up fresh as a daisy.

[snoring]

Fred. Fred!

Wh-wha-what?
Why what's that? What?

When you're gonna tell your boss
that you're improvin'?

Uh, I won't have to tell him.

He'll notice the change in me.

[snoring]

Interest equals
principle eight times.

But while the interest
of 60 days at six percent..

[mumbling]
Move the decimal
over two places..

Flintstone.

I, sir, I'm a wiggly worm, sir.

A wiggly worm, sir, is low--

- 'A simple apology is enough.'
- I-I-I, thank you, sir.

(Mr. Slate)
'Flintstone. I've noticed
a change in you.'

I-I-I've been changing,
Mr. Slate.

Yes. That babbling
in your sleep.

(Mr. Slate)
'Those poached eyes.
Have you been drinking?'

No, sir.

Well, you're either looped
or pooped.

Flintstone.

Flintstone!

[snoring]

Oh, Fred. I ran
into Mrs. Slate and she said

there's someone
your boss has his eye on.

Yeah, all four of 'em.

'She said he was thinking
of this someone'

'a college man for promotion.'

Yeah.

- 'Do you suppose, it's you?'
- No.

- 'Why not?'
- He already promoted the guy.

- Right over my head.
- No.

- What's his name?
- 'Skyla Van Slate.'

But isn't that
Mr. Slate's nephew?

'Yeah, yeah. He bumped into his
uncle in the quarry one day.'

'And his uncle took
an instant liking to him.'

Tsk, I wouldn't
be discouraged, Fred.

Well, it's okay, Wilma.
I got control on myself.

Slate ain't gonna upset me.

It's like them upperclassmen
down at night school.

Soon as you let 'em get you mad,
you destroy yourself.

I'll just act
like nothin' happened.

Keep goin' to school, and prove
myself, and rise above it.

How could he
do this to me? How?

And so we see, we can use
the formula r=i over pt

or t=i over pr.

Flintstone. Flintstone!

Uh, I'm sorry, Mr. Slate,
I didn't hear the whistle.

My name is Silsbee, and I'm
afraid you'll have to stay

outta night school again,
Flintstone.

And take off that beanie.

(Fred)
So, I figure Slate promoted his
nephew, because he's a graduate.

As soon as he finds out
I'm goin' to college

I'll probably be right up there
on the board of directors.

How you figure he'll find out?

Why, I'll walk right
into his office and say it

right to his face.

So, Mr. Slate.

By my degree I could be of great
help in the front office.

Oh, ho, ho, boy.

There only some way
I could let him find out

that I'm goin' to college.

(Mr. Slate)
'Mister.
You, mister.'

Duh-uh-duh, sir.

Flintstone, does that beanie
say Prinstone?

Why, Flintstone, you're a chip
of the old blocking back.

I played for Prinstone,
you know.

Give me the ol' P.U. shake.

(Mr. Slate)
'Halabali, halabalu, halagara
for the white and blue.'

'You for me
and me for you'

'we'll stick together
for Prinstone U.'

Ha ha ha.
So you're Prinstone.

Well, a boy who's a Prinstone
man can't be all bad.

What position are you
interested in?

(Fred)
'Well, I'd be happy to start
as a second Vice President.'

I don't mean
that kind of position.

I mean are you going out
for the line or the backfield?

- 'Football?'
- Certainly.

You're a little
bandy-legged and stumpy.

But so was ol' Red Granite.

'Ever play the game before?'

Uh, just in the backfield
at high school

for six or seven years, but--

'Say no more.
You'll have no trouble.'

'A few phone calls,
and everything will be fixed.'

And, uh, say, Flintstone.
You look a little peaked.

Take the rest
of the afternoon off.

Get in shape.
And when you hit that line.

boing

Hit it hard!

[telephone rings]

'Rockwell Quartz,
Director of Sports speaking.'

Football builds men.

'Hello, Rock, eh,
this is, Seymore Slate'

'of the Alumni Association.'

- Who?
- 'Seymore Slate.'

'Prinstone, 27.
Right end.'

Remember me?

'Oh, yeah, Butterfinger Slate.'

'Listen, you tell
the Alumni Association'

'I'm sorry about
last Saturday's game.'

'With a couple of breaks,
we could've won 'em.

That's what I wanna
talk to you about.

You got real talent
right under your nose.

- Ever heard of Fred Flintstone?
- What's his specialty?

'Running. His nick name
was "Twinkletoes".'

What are his measurements?

'Starting from the bottom up.
About 55, 45 and 35.'

Shape like a bullet, huh?
Where do I find this tiger?

In accounting class.

Okay, Slate,
I'll get him out for the team.

(Rock)
'Hey, mister.'

'Ever played football?'

'You could talk, can't you?'

'Let me hear you say something.'

[blabbering]

- What's your name?
- Duh-uh Mr. Simple Soul.

Save it, I'm not
an upperclassman.

Are you,
Twinkletoes, Flintstone?

'Yes, sir, but I don't play
football anymore.'

'I'm here to study.'

Can it.
Be at practice tomorrow.

But, sir, I lost out
on a high school education

because I went out for football.

'Mister, did you drop my books?'

Duh, sir, I--

Be silent when you talk
to me, freshman.

Pick up my books,
all six of 'em.

(Fred)
'Yes, sir.'

One. Ouch!

Two, three. Oof!

First can I ask
the coach something?

'Go ahead.'

Uh, will, uh, will I get to play
with the upperclassmen, sir?

Yeah. You can rock 'em
and sock 'em.

What time tomorrow
do you want me?

Glad to have you on our team,
Flintstone.

And now, I'd like you to meet
some of the school chums

you're gonna be playing with.

Boys, I'd like ya to meet
Prinstone's new quarterback.

Twinkletoes Flintstone.

'Twinkletoes, meet
Prado Krugersky, Bat Masterdon

and King Kong Quagmire.

Howdy, uh, chums.

[bones cracking]

'Uh, pleased to meet ya.'

(Rock)
'And this is Sammy Bond.

[bones cracking]

(Rock)
'Sammy's our best passer.'

Poor Fred.

He's got to work all day

practice football all evening,
and study till morning.

And on top of memorizing
the signals

'he's gotta keep the accounting
problems in his head.'

Yeah, and he's got
such a small head.

Ha ha ha.

I don't know what'll happen.
He's really torn.

(Rock)
'Hold it. Hold it!'

Quagmire, what did I tell you
to do on this play?

'Duh-du-de,
when the ball is snapped'

'I charge into the backfield'

I grab a handful
of backfield men.

I toss them off one by one till
I get to the one with the ball.

- And?
- 'And I keep him.'

Right. But look, Flintstone
doesn't have the ball.

'Uh, well, he was gonna
pass it and you said'

'"If you see he's trying to
pass, make him eat the ball."'

(Rock)
'So.'

Good boy.
I thought you forgot.

[upbeat music]

[together]
Yeah, Prinstone, Prinstone.
Hey, Prinstone!

What are you shouting for,
you idiot.

The game hasn't started yet.

Uh, why wait
till the last minute?

Heya, dig those students
from Shale.

Look at those shoulders,
'em legs.

Where, where? All I see
are the girl cheerleaders.

(Rubble)
'That's what I'm talking about.
Ha ha ha.'

Is-ka-daba-doobey-doobey-doo,
ka-doobey-doo.

Oh, poor Fred,
I bet he's nervous.

[snoring]

That is next players number 28
with running options 12 or 13.

Option 12 or 13
at three percent interest.

Number 8 carries.

(Fred)
'Carries.'

The guards open a hole
in the line.

- 'Divide by two.'
- Flintstone!

'Are you listening?'

Oh, yeah, yeah, coach, uh

the answer is 109 net profit
after taxes.

Good afternoon, football fans,
this is Bill Stone.

Bringing you the game
Prinstone vs. Shale.

And here they come out,
Prinstone boys out on field now.

Real champs, everyone of 'em.

'Look at that hustle.
Look at that spirit, oh..'

'That's the visiting team.'

And here comes our gang.

And there's the touchdown twins,
Brick Humpley and Hum Prickley.

Leading the Prinstone today
is Fred Twinkletoes Flintstone.

'Fred's a tremendous fella.
Nearly five feet tall.'

'He's strong too.
You can see the muscle'

'bulging out
from under his helmet.'

And there's the kickoff.

Good one!

Flintstone takes the ball
on his own two yard line.

He's at the ten, the 20.
Oh-oh! He's hit hard.

'A nice tackle by Hum Prickley,
Shale and..'

'...assisted by numbers
22 and 18'

'44, 57 and 86.'

Let's see what the record book
says about Prickley.

"He wears size 31E
bedroom slippers.

"Likes Rocky Road ice-cream
and leads the Poison Ivy League

in razor blade commercials."

It's a long pass to Flintstone.

'He's on Shale's 40 yard line.'

'The 30, the 20, the ten.'

bang

He's over, he's over.
Flintstone scores for Prinstone!

The kick is good and..

bang

That's the end of a quarter
with Prinstone leading

seven to nothing.

Poor Fred. He's been playing
so rough with those boys.

I hope he's not overdoing it.

'Oh, don't worry
about Twinkletoes, Wilma.'

Here he comes
for the second quarter.

[snoring]

Teams are lined up, folks.

There's the kick.

'Shale quarterback Harry Olyphic
returns the ball.'

What speed, what deception.

The Prinstone players
can't touch him.

bang

Wow, folks. What a tackle!

'Flintstone came outta
nowhere to drop Olyphic'

'with a toe-tip-trick.'

'If I hadn't been watching,
I'd have sworn

'he was lying there
all the time.'

But then, I can't see a thing
through these glasses anyway.

'The score's 19 to 13, folks,
and with two minutes left'

'to play it looks bad
for Prinstone.'

It's fourth down for Shale
on their own 20 yard line.

The ball is snapped.

Olyphic is fading back
to throw a pass.

'It's a beauty!'

thump

[snoring]

Flintstone intercepts
on his own 30 yard line and..

bang

...is stopped on the 50
by the Shale team.

Fourth down, 40 yards to go
and with 20 seconds left

in the game, Flintstone's
calling the signals.

16, 33 to balance sheet.

Forty-nine is double entry
minus twenty for trial audit..

Hey, look at that.

Flint must be calling
some new kinda signals.

Forty thousand decimal 12,
minus original capitalization

of 5000 at six percent.

(Wilma)
'Why're all the players standing
around so mixed up?'

Last appreciation at four
percent per annum. Hike.

With ten seconds to play,
Flintstone makes a last

desperate touchdown attempt.

'His deceptive signal calling'

'has momentarily confused
the Shale defense.'

'Flintstone is approaching
the goal line.'

'Will he make it?'

thud

He made it.

Hey, Mr. Slate, old Twinkletoes
tied the score.

Yes, but we need
the extra point to win.

The crowd is hushed as Prinstone
goes into the final huddle.

(player #1)
'Duh, how's about tryin'
to bunt to run in?'

Bunt? That's baseball.

Uh, yeah, but I bet
it'd take 'em by surprise.

Or, ah, how about, uh,
trying a field goal?

(Fred)
'Can you kick one?'

- Oh, I-I-I, I never tried.
- Alright, look, it's easy.

I'll hold the ball for ya,
and when I nod my head..

...you kick it between
the goal posts.

'Got it?'

Ah, you hold the ball,
and then, when you nod your head

I kick it between
the goal posts.

Got it.

Prinstone is in kick formation.
The ball is snapped.

'Flintstone holds
for Hammerslag.'

'Hammerslag races toward
the ball and..'

pew

'It's a beautiful kick.'

'Flintstone is going up,
up and over the goal posts.'

bang

'There's the signal gun
ending the game'

'and Prinstone wins 20 to 19.'

Hurray, Flintstone!

Hurray, Flintstone!
Flintstone!

(Mr. Slate)
'Good boy, Flintstone.'

I told you I appreciate
a man with spunk.

You're in line for a bigger job.
Worthy of your talents.

- Fred, did you hear that?
- A promotion?

You mean I'm finally
getting outta the whole--

'No, no, no.
You can keep your regular job.'

After 12 years you're finally
getting the hang of it.

It's just that I like the way

you went to bat
for the football team.

So, I'm forming
the Gravel Pit Packers.

'A professional football team.'

'And you're gonna
be my quarterback.'

I am?

Only this time, you won't have
to play with school boys.

This time, you'll be
playing with men.

Mrs. Flintstone.

Mrs. Flintstone!
Where are you going?

Get yourself a new quarterback,
Mr. Slate.

I'm putting Twinkletoes to bed.

[snoring]

[theme music]

[theme music]

[yawning]

[music continues]

clink

Wilma.

'Wilma!'

'Come on, Wilma,
open the door.'

'Wilma!'